Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn
Host Cate Osborn, who has ADHD and a background in sex education, explores the challenges of navigating relationships with ADHD. The podcast covers topics like social skills, boundaries, communication, intimacy, and sex, aiming to unpack the taboo, painful, and often hilarious aspects of being in a relationship when you have ADHD.
Episodes
I’ve never felt like a good woman: ADHD and femininity
In this episode, a complex conversation about ADHD, femininity, gender, and why talking about the hard stuff is important.Cate sits down with Rae Jacobson, host of Understood.org’s Hyperfocus podcast, journalist, and a producer on this show. They talk about something they’ve both struggled to name: the collision between ADHD, femininity, and gender expression. They dig into what it felt like to wa
An Emmy winner’s trick for ADHD idea overload (Live show!)
We recorded our first-ever live show in front of a studio audience! Emmy Award–winning writer, director, and producer Adam Reid, co-creator of “Tiny Chef,” joined Cate to talk about ADHD creativity: what works, what doesn’t, when to dig in, when to let things go, and why finishing things isn't always the point.
Adam talked candidly about being diagnosed with ADHD at 45, after years of building an
Your ADHD brain loves a good argument. Here’s why that’s a problem.
Ever notice your ADHD brain gets a little too excited during an argument? Like you’re not even mad anymore, you’re just... having a really good time being right? Yeah. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not a great one.
In this mailbag episode of Sorry, I Missed This, host Cate Osborn is digging into questions from our Understood Facebook group
Our amazing listeners wrote in (and had the chance t
Why money fights are never really about money
Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships — and for people with ADHD, it comes with an extra layer of shame most people don’t talk about.
Cate sits down with Dr. Christine Hargrove, a financial therapist who specializes in ADHD, to unpack why money fights escalate so fast, why who’s the “mental load carrier” matters more than who earns more, and why people with ADHD often gi
Parentification: The hidden pattern in ADHD relationships
Ever feel like you’re the “parent” in your relationship — managing everything while your partner just... coasts? You’re not alone. And it’s not just you being controlling.
Host Cate Osborn talks with ADHD coach Kristen Carder (host of I Have ADHD, author of the upcoming You’re Not in Trouble) about why ADHD relationships so easily slide into parent-child dynamics, and how to climb back out.
They
ADHD and impulse control: The science behind why willpower fails
Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?
Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore.
They talk about why impulsivit
Why good sex can make your ADHD brain spiral
Do you feel almost manic after really good sex — craving more, making impulsive decisions, fixating on the next time? In this episode of Reddit reactions, Cate and Jessamine tackle five real Reddit posts from ADHD women.
Digging into some seriously NSFW posts, they look at why some people with ADHD never feel spontaneous sexual attraction — and why that might be about “out of sight, out of mind.”
Why neurodivergent women can’t stop reading smut and romantasy
Did you know that women with ADHD consume explicit fiction at dramatically higher rates than neurotypical women — and there’s a neurological reason?
Dr. Erika Miley is a licensed mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of the only dissertation published on ADHD and women’s sexuality. After surveying over 2,000 participants, one thing kept surfacing: smut. Romantasy, explicit r
ADHD, AuDHD, and self-diagnosis: Is it valid?
Is ADHD self-diagnosis valid? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer, that’s the wrong question entirely. When access to diagnosis is limited by cost, insurance, stigma, and identity — and when the people who self-diagnose show higher rates of negative self-image and internalized stigma — the real conversation isn’t about validity. It’s about how we make sure people have access to
Why ADHD makes decluttering so hard (and how to fix it)
If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic disorganization actually means, why the Marie Kondo method can backfire, and how to build systems that work with your brain. We also get into the emotional weight of clutter, organizing as a couples is
How online community is saving (and breaking) my ADHD brain
Laura Mears-Reynolds, founder of ADHDAF and an award-winning community organizer, joins Cate to talk about online communication, building connection, and staying in touch when you have ADHD. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria and miscommunication, object permanence with people, time blindness in relationships — and why online community can be genuinely life-saving. Plus: the great voice m
Writing the ADHD guide we wish we'd had
Content warning: This episode discusses self-harm.
What does it actually take to finish a book with ADHD?
Cate sits down with Erik Gude, her co-author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to unpack five years of starts, stops, and persistence. They get into taking advantage of accessibility options and overcoming the shame of looming, unfinished projects to get this one done.
For more on this to
ADHD gaslighting and chasing new relationship energy (Reddit Reactions)
As we know, Reddit is full of messy love stories, and we have thoughts.
From gaslighting and age gaps to the weird magic of “new relationship energy,” we read posts that make us laugh, cringe, and wonder — can memory be used as a weapon in a relationship?
For more on this topic
Listen: ADHD and dating
Listen: Is it love or is it dopamine?
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Mi
When ADHD turns chores into conflict
Division of labor between partners isn’t easy for anyone. Add ADHD and suddenly dishes come with shame. Trash becomes a crisis. And rest starts to feel sketchy.
Cate sits down with KC Davis to unpack the messy, deeply human reality of sharing work at home. They talk about resentment, perfectionism, time blindness, trust, and why keeping score almost never fixes anything.
For more on this topic
Decisions, decisions: ADHD and the trap of analysis paralysis
Have you ever stayed up all night replaying a meeting in your head? Or obsessed over an email? Or questioned every instinct you have? If making decisions feels like a full-time job, this one’s for you!
We’re talking with Dr. Mark Schrime, a surgeon with a PhD in the science of decision-making. Hear about the exhausting cycle of analysis paralysis, second-guessing, and decision fatigue that’s a rea
How menopause and hormones impact ADHD symptoms in women
If your ADHD symptoms seem to have leveled up out of nowhere, you’re not losing it. Hormones play a much bigger role in ADHD than most of us understand, especially during perimenopause and menopause.Today, we’re chatting with licensed counselor Mandi Dixon about why focus, memory, sleep, and emotional regulation can suddenly fall apart in your 40s. We also dig into why ADHD meds may stop working t
Stuck in your head? ADHD, overthinking, and getting “unstuck”
Ever catch yourself spiraling over a decision and feeling like your brain won’t stop replaying every possible “what if”? Dr. J is joining us to talk about rumination, overthinking, and getting caught in a mood spiral as a woman with ADHD. We’re breaking down why we get stuck and practical ways to interrupt those thought loops. For more on this topic: Try: ADHD Unstuck (a free self-guided activity)
When ADHD mistakes spiral and resentment hits (Reddit Reactions)
When ADHD overwhelm hits, it’s usually not because of one big event. It’s the work project and your kid’s school play and the relationship thing and everyone is out of clean socks... and now you’re caught in a spiral.Today, Cate and our fabulous producer, Jessamine, dig into Reddit stories about work screw-ups, panic lying, and how pattern recognition can quietly turn everyday moments into emotion
Sensory overload in intimacy and the ADHD hyperfocus spiral (Listener Q&A!)
In this listener Q&A, Cate tackles two wildly relatable ADHD questions: sudden sensory discomfort during intimacy, and the maddening cycle of not being able to start a task… then not being able to stop. From sensory overload and burnout to hyperfocus, momentum anxiety, and emotional regulation, Cate breaks down what’s going on and how to navigate it without losing it. Thanks to our listeners for t
Weaponized incompetence and other ADHD “crimes” (Reddit Reactions)
We’re back with another spicy Reddit Reactions episode!This week, we dive into two wildly relatable ADHD relationship posts: one about a partner claiming “you lost your sparkle” (eye roll), and another spiraling over chores, shame, and new-job burnout. We unpack toxic dynamics, people-pleasing, clutter blindness, and why you’re not weaponizing incompetence. For more on this topic: Listen: ADHD, ch
ADHD impulsivity and saying yes to sex too fast
Ever said yes to sex a little too fast and regretted it later? Same. Today we’re joined by psychologist and Understood Expert Dr. Ari Tuckman for a candid talk about impulsivity, ADHD, and intimacy. We’ll dig into the messy mix of consent, shame, and emotional regulation. And we’ll talk about how to slow down, stay curious, and find self-compassion after a spicy decision. For more on this topic: L
ADHD, disordered eating, and getting through the holidays
The holidays are here — and so is all the food, family, and sensory overload that can come with them. Host Cate Osborn sits down with Aleta Storch, dietitian, nutritionist, ADHD expert, and founder of Wise Heart Nutrition, to talk about food and ADHD. They cover what disordered eating looks like (and how it’s different from a diagnosed eating disorder), why sensory sensitivities can make meals str
Breaking the burnout cycle: How to move forward
In the final episode of our “Breaking the Burnout Cycle” three-part series, host Cate Osborn and Dr. Shauna Pollard explore what comes after burnout. They discuss how burnout can affect your relationships, the importance of communicating your needs clearly, and how to reflect on past experiences to avoid repeating patterns. Cate and Dr. Shauna also shares practical tips for tuning in to yourself,
Breaking the burnout cycle: What is rest?
Burnout isn’t a weakness. It’s a signal that your body needs real rest. Dr. Shauna Pollard is back for the second episode in our “Breaking the Burnout Cycle” series to answer the question: What is rest? Cate and Dr. Pollard talk about what true, restorative rest looks like (hint: it’s not just zoning out on your phone), and how to start taking small, doable steps toward rest when you’re already d
Breaking the burnout cycle: What is burnout?
Feeling drained, unmotivated, or stuck in survival mode? In part one of our “Breaking the Burnout Cycle” series, host Cate Osborn and psychologist Dr. Shauna Pollard unpack the question: What is burnout? They explore the signs to watch for, how to recognize when you’re in it, and how it’s different from depression.If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re experiencing is burnout, this episode i
Cate answers your burning ADHD questions
It’s a solo mailbag episode! Host Cate Osborn grabs her trusty D20 to let fate decide which listener emails to answer. Cate answers some common ADHD questions from navigating ADHD as a woman, to what it means to have a diagnosis, to how symptoms can shift as we age.Related resourcesUnderstood Explains podcast season 2: ADHD diagnosis in adultsADHD and: AgingFacebook group: ADHD Support for Women b
When ADHD, money, and relationships collide
What if your money problems weren’t just about willpower, but about who you are?In this episode of Sorry, I Missed This, Cate chats with Ellyce Fulmore, financial educator and author of Keeping Finance Personal, about how who you are affects how you deal with money. We cover how things like ADHD, race, gender, and queerness all shape your money habits. Ellyce explains how to understand your own “m
Throwback to a conversation on ADHD and social skills
Social skills can be challenging for people with ADHD. Whether it’s trouble with executive function, or anxiety from past situations, socializing can come with a lot of emotions. It can also be really confusing and bring up uncomfortable questions. Why does it seem so much easier for everyone else? Why can’t I hold on to friendships? What do I even like to do? In this episode Host Cate Osborn chat
So... How does that make you feel about your therapist?
Ever wondered if your therapist gets you, or if therapy is even working? You’re not alone. This week, Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer is back to unpack the complicated, sometimes confusing, always human relationship between therapist and client (especially when ADHD is in the mix).Host Cate Osborn and Elizabeth dig into how different types of therapy work, how to tell if therapy is actually helping, and what
ADHD and destigmatizing your desires
Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how som
ADHD grief isn’t linear — and that’s totally normal
Grief can be overwhelming for anyone — but for people with ADHD, it can show up in surprising ways.Therapist Rachel Hopkins joins host Cate Osborn to unpack the intersection of ADHD and grief. They discuss how time blindness, emotional intensity, and memory challenges can shape the grieving process — and how ADHDers might mourn in nonlinear, unconventional ways. Rachel also offers some insights fo
How hormones hijack focus, mood, and energy
ADHD in women is often misunderstood, even by ourselves — and hormones are a big part of the story. This week, host Cate Osborn chats with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Lotta Borg Skoglund about how hormone cycles affect ADHD in women. From PMS to perimenopause, we explore how shifting hormones can change how ADHD shows up — and how that impacts mood, focus, and relationships.Dr. Borg Skoglund s
Too much or not enough: ADHD sensory challenges and sex
If sex sometimes feels confusing, overstimulating, or just... a lot, you’re not alone. ADHD and sensory issues can show up during sex and in our physical relationships. This week, psychologist Dr. Lyne Piché joins us to discuss how ADHD and sensory challenges can shape our sex lives, and how to talk about it. From touch sensitivity to struggling to focus, we dive into why things might feel like “t
ADHD and caregiving: Helping others when you’re struggling
Being a caregiver to a friend or loved one is hard—add ADHD to the mix, and it’s a whole different challenge.Self-care and ADHD Coach Stephanie Antoine joins us to talk about what it’s like caring for our loved ones while managing executive dysfunction, burnout, and more. She also offers a few mindfulness practices to help us recenter when the stress feels like too much. If you’ve ever struggled t
Kink, BDSM, and ADHD
Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.ADHD and kink might seem like an unexpected pairing, but for a lot of people, they go hand in hand. From rituals that help with focus to play that taps into the need for stimulation, BDSM can be more than just fun — it can be a real tool for regula
Online dating with ADHD
In theory, online dating can feel like an easy, low-stakes solution to meeting people. But in practice, there are a few pitfalls that many fall into. With ADHD, dating apps can pose even more challenges and be an additional drag on your attention. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Shauna Pollard visits the show to talk about what she’s noticed while working with ADHDers on online dating. Join this convers
Reddit reactions: ADHD, cheating, and weaponized incompetence
Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.Related resourcesThe Natio
What makes a ‘good listener’ with ADHD?
People with ADHD can often get a bad rap for being “bad listeners.” So, instead of actually listening, we’re often focusing on: Do they know I'm listening? Am I making enough eye contact? Do I look engaged?Host Cate Osborn chats with Understood.org Vice President of Expertise and licensed therapist Sarah Greenberg about the listening strengths and weaknesses that can come with ADHD. They also unp
Building ADHD community
Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses.Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing
The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships
A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the trai
Navigating emotional intimacy with ADHD
Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more.Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Liste
Help! I’m in a parentified relationship!
Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?Psychologist Lesl
Consensual non-monogamy and ADHD relationships
Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This cou
ADHD and: Rejection sensitivity (From the “ADHD and” podcast)
This week, host Cate Osborn shares an episode from ADHD and, another podcast on the MissUnderstood podcast channel. Imagine receiving a “no” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing it off, you become overwhelmed with thoughts of self-doubt and a deep sense of rejection. This intense emotional reaction is known as rejection sensitivity. And many women with ADHD experience it. I
Reddit reactions: ADHD and romantic relationships!
Have you ever been called a “manic pixie dream girl” by someone you were dating? Is it hard to remember your partner when they’re not with you? ADHD can bring its own set of challenges to dating, and romantic relationships.Producer Margie visits the podcast to share what she’s found on the ADHD Women subreddit, where women with ADHD ask questions and share their challenges and wins. Listen for Cat
Oh, Baby! It’s an ADHD pregnancy!
ADHD can impact pregnancy in a number of ways: Higher rate of postpartum depression, hormone surges that affect the brain’s functioning, increased demands on our executive function, and so much more. Our guest this week, Dusty Chipura, is an ADHD and pregnancy expert, ADHD coach, and doula in training. Dusty takes us through pregnancy with ADHD, what you might expect, and what conversations are im
ADHD breakups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets
Sometimes, romantic relationships just don’t work out. And breaking up with someone can be really tough — including having the breakup conversation. With ADHD, overthinking, people-pleasing, and rejection sensitivity can make it even harder. This week, ADHD coach and author of I Don’t Hate My Ex-Husband Jess DuBose visits Sorry, I Missed This. Listen to learn how to check in with yourself about yo
ADHD and self-advocacy at work
Self-advocacy and ADHD workplace disclosure come together in a package. It’s important to know yourself and your values in order to be the best self-advocate you can be. In this week’s episode, ADHD at Work founder Meghan Brown-Enyia answers the question: What is a good self-advocate? And, gives her recipe for advocating for yourself. Related resourcesWhat is self-advocacy?Pros and cons of disclo
Using the Wheel of Consent to understand and express desire with Betty Martin
Consent is an agreement that people reach together. It can get a bit tricky with people-pleasing and black and white thinking — two things that can often come up with ADHD. The Wheel of Consent can help.This week, host Cate Osborn welcomes Betty Martin to the show. Betty is the author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent. Join Betty and Cate as they break down the Wheel of Cons
ADHD, sensory systems, and communication
Do you not notice that you’re hungry until you’re raging? Do you bump into things constantly? These are just two examples of how our sensory systems can affect those of us with ADHD. And they have a lot more to do with communication than you might think.This week, author of ADHD & Us and licensed clinical social worker Anita Robertson breaks down the three hidden sensory systems. Join Anita and Ca
Is it love or is it dopamine? (from “Tips from an ADHD Coach” podcast)
Have you ever impulsively thrown yourself into a relationship? Do you change your interests based on who you’re dating? Today, we're sharing an episode of the "Tips from an ADHD Coach" podcast on rushing into relationships that might not actually be what you want. ADHD coach Jaye Lin reacts to a quote on changing yourself in relationships. Listen for Jaye’s own connection to this, and some realit
Managing conflict with a partner with ADHD
Conflict can be uncomfortable. But it’s a necessary part of life that can have great outcomes. ADHD often comes with trouble with executive function, emotional regulation, time perception, and more. This can make conflict even tougher to face. Senior certified Gottman relationship therapist Michael McNulty walks us through the research on which the Gottman Method is based — and what it means for r
Dating with ADHD
Dating is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice. ADHD can intensify dating challenges. Like, masking to be someone we’re not so the other person will like us. Or, having intense feelings quickly, and jumping into a relationship that may not be what we want in the long run. Dating coach Amie Leadingham visits the show this week to talk about what a dating coach does and common dating pitfa
The impact of ADHD on workplace relationships
Workplace relationships can be challenging for anyone. But for people with ADHD, trouble with working memory, self-control, emotions, and more can make professionalism even more confusing.Executive and ADHD coach Farah Jamil visits the show to clear up some common mysteries, like, how do I speak up for myself? And, what do I do when I’ve made a mistake? Listen for her answers, and some great tips
ADHD and sex
When you have ADHD, it can affect every part of your life — even sex. ADHD impacts how we show up in relationships. And it can be easy to forget it’s with us in the bedroom too. ADHD sexpert and psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman visits the podcast this week to talk about the connection between ADHD and sex. Listen to this foundational episode as we set the scene to cover more in-depth topics on sex in
Setting boundaries in relationships with ADHD
Boundaries are limits based on our values — and a key part of good relationships. ADHD can come with low self-esteem and anxiety, which can get in the way of respecting your own boundaries in relationships. ADHD educator and marriage counselor Melissa Orlov explains what boundaries are and how ADHD comes into play. Plus, she offers tips on how to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationship
ADHD and the art of friendship
Juggling everything that ADHD throws at us can make us struggle in our friendships. Trouble with executive function affects our ability to communicate and remember things. And the shame that comes with ADHD can lead to us hiding our challenges and pretending to be someone we’re not. In this episode, host Cate Osborn welcomes a good friend of hers, Elizabeth Kilmer. Elizabeth is a clinical psycholo
Managing expectations in relationships with ADHD
It can be a struggle to balance chores in a relationship. When one or more people in the relationship have ADHD, there’s even more room for miscommunication. It’s important to be on the same page about expectations, or you may end up with resentment, and more fights than you’d like to. KC Davis wrote the book How to Keep House While Drowning, and hosts the podcast Struggle Care. KC joins host Cate
The influence of ADHD on social skills
Social skills can be challenging for people with ADHD. Whether it’s trouble with executive function or anxiety from past situations, socializing can come with a lot of emotions. It can also be really confusing and bring up questions like Why does it seem so much easier for everyone else? Why can’t I hold onto friendships? What do I even like to do? In this episode, host Cate Osborn chats with Car
Introducing Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn
It can be hard to navigate relationships when you have ADHD. Here’s a podcast that can help!Welcome to Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn.Your host Cate has ADHD, a background in sex education, and a whole lot of questions like “How do I know what I want out of a relationship? How do I remember my friends exist? What can I do to handle conflict be
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