Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE
Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman 355 episodes Nov 9, 2026
PBSE is a podcast hosted by two recovering sex addicts who are also counselors specializing in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on decades of personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve discuss how to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma, and rebuild marriages. Episodes offer candid guidance for both people struggling with addiction and partners who have been betrayed. The show emphasizes practical steps, honesty, and hope for taking back one's life and relationship.
Episodes
I'm EXHAUSTED Being My Addict Partner's Detective! But If I Stop, How Will I Know the TRUTH?!
(Episode 358) For many betrayed partners, the discovery of repeated dishonesty, minimization, and rationalization creates an agonizing dilemma: "I'm exhausted being my addict partner's detective, but if I stop investigating, how will I ever know the truth?!" Even when an addict appears to be in recovery, his deeply ingrained patterns of shame, emotional avoidance, and self-dec
CASE STUDY: He was in solid recovery and He just LIED again! Now What???
(Episode 357) What happens when a recovering porn/sex addict has seemingly been doing everything right—maintaining sobriety, completing therapeutic disclosure, engaging in recovery, and rebuilding trust with his betrayed partner—only to relapse and return to LYING?! In this PBSE case study, we examine a couple whose progress is shattered when the husband relapses during a business trip and concea
The POWER of Having & Moving Toward Your True Coupleship's Vision!
(Episode 356) When pornography addiction, sexual betrayal, dishonesty, and emotional neglect have devastated a relationship, the recovery and healing journey can easily become consumed with everything that's WRONG. The focus becomes stopping the pornography, preventing the lies, confronting defensiveness, establishing boundaries, and trying desperately to avoid another betrayal. While all th
His Betrayal Didn't Just Destroy Our Marriage—It Stole the Joy of Motherhood!
(Episode 355) Can betrayal trauma become so severe that it robs a mother of the emotional connection and joy she expected to experience with her own child? In this powerful PBSE episode, we respond to a betrayed partner whose husband has spent more than a decade engaging in pornography addiction, secrecy, and sexual betrayal—including visiting escorts during their efforts to conceive and during p
How Unresolved Trauma Can DERAIL Recovery & Relationships!
(Episode 354) What happens when someone who has been sober from pornography or sexual addiction for ten years suddenly begins exhibiting the same unhealthy behaviors that once accompanied their addiction? In this episode, we address a heartbreaking submission from a betrayed partner whose husband initially made tremendous strides in recovery—attending and leading support meetings, becoming more l
He Knew Porn Was a Dealbreaker—So Why Did He Marry Me Without Telling Me?
(Episode 353) A betrayed partner discovered after nearly eleven years of marriage that her husband had maintained a secret pornography addiction for more than twenty-five years. What makes the betrayal especially devastating is that he knew from the beginning that pornography violated her deeply held values and that, had she known the truth while they were dating, she would not have married him.
My Mother & Friends Think I'm Naive & Stupid for Staying with an Addict—Am I?!
(Episode 352) A betrayed partner wrote to us because, although her addict partner has recently become more proactive in recovery, she worries that her mother and friends now see her as weak, naive, or stupid for staying. Her mother previously left an addicted husband and later built a stable relationship, while her friends have traditionally held a strong “if he treats you badly, leave” position.
He Spent Decades Secretly Lusting—Now He Says Other Women Repulse Him—Should I Believe Him?
(Episode 351) A betrayed partner wrote to us about her husband’s roughly 33-year history of hidden lust addiction and a specific sexual fixation involving women’s bodies that remained secret throughout their 15-year relationship. Since D-Day about five months ago, he has thrown himself into recovery—attending meetings, working with a sponsor and therapist, completing disclosure, doing daily check
"I Choose You" Means Nothing If His Eyes and Actions Keep Choosing Others!
(Episode 350) For a betrayed partner, few things are more painful than hearing, “I choose you,” while continuing to discover that her partner’s eyes, attention, sexuality, and actions are still being directed toward other women. In this episode, we address the experience of a partner who believed her addict partner was genuinely recovering from pornography and sex addiction. They studied recovery
His Relapses Hurt, but Ongoing Lies and Manipulation of Reality are the Real Crisis!
(Episode 349) Relapse in pornography or sex addiction absolutely matters, but it is often not the most fundamental threat to a relationship. The deeper crisis is what happens when relapse is followed by secrecy, lying, minimizing, withholding, or manipulation of the betrayed partner’s reality. Addiction thrives in secrecy and avoidance, which is why genuine recovery must involve much more than sim
Is it My Job to Educate My Addict Partner about My Betrayal Trauma & My Boundaries?
(Episode 348) A betrayed partner who has a history of neglect, abuse, people-pleasing, or self-abandonment may find it especially difficult to identify and defend her own wants, needs, and boundaries after betrayal. She may feel compelled to logically justify every boundary, educate her addict partner about betrayal trauma, remind him to work recovery, and provide affection even when she does not
Can my Partner with 2 Decades of Porn Use & Years of Secrecy & Lying Genuinely Recover?
In Episode 347, a betrayed partner who recently ended a three-year relationship asks whether her former partner can genuinely recover after more than two decades of compulsive pornography use, high-risk sexual behaviors, drug-fueled acting out, and extensive secrecy and deception. Her central concern is not merely whether he can stop acting out, but whether someone who has spent years lying, denyi
If He Doesn't Think Porn Is Bad, Can He Still Truly Recover??
In Episode 346, a betrayed partner wonders whether her husband can genuinely recover from pornography addiction when he admits that lying, hiding, gaslighting, and hurting her are wrong but still insists that pornography itself is not “bad.” While we believe there are very substantial reasons to view pornography as harmful, we also believe that turning recovery into a debate about morality can act
My Addiction Shattered My Wife; She Wants a Divorce, but I Don't. Now What?!
In episode 345, a couple is facing the enormous aftermath of pornography addiction, sexual betrayal, deception, failed disclosure, and trickle truth. The husband reports that he is now 18 months sober, has become rigorously honest and transparent, participates in therapy and 12-step recovery, and is working to sit with his wife's pain without defensiveness. Yet his wife's trauma remains
After his Gaslighting, Betrayal and Integrity Abuse, My Intuition is Broken!
Episode 344—Long-term betrayal and integrity abuse can severely disrupt a betrayed partner’s ability to trust her own perceptions. After repeatedly sensing that something was wrong, being told she was mistaken, and later discovering that her intuition had been accurate, she may become intensely hypervigilant. When a new concern arises—such as inappropriate boundaries with a coworker—she may feel c
He's Honest About Relapses, But His Spiraling Shame and Neediness Cycle is Exhausting!
The partner in this situation (Episode 343) recognizes that her husband’s honesty about two recent relapses represents meaningful progress after years of pornography use, self-gratification, betrayal, and deception. However, the aftermath of those relapses remains deeply damaging. He spirals into shame, discouragement, and self-condemnation, creating a heavy emotional atmosphere in the home and le
Why Do I Keep Lying to My Partner About the Stupidest Little Things?!
PBSE, Episode 342—Lying in addiction can take many forms, including outright denial, omission, minimization, exaggeration, deflection, gaslighting, and carefully constructed half-truths. Even when the subject of the lie appears trivial, the impact on a betrayed partner can be enormous because each new deception reinforces the message that reality is still being hidden and that she must remain vigi
From Shame and Survival to Honesty and Wholeness—Is Real Lasting Change Possible?
A person who has struggled with addiction for many years may begin to believe that he is uniquely broken and incapable of lasting change. Repeated relapses, betrayal, damaged relationships, spiritual conflict, and overwhelming shame can make recovery feel possible for others but not for him. Yet the return of addiction does not necessarily prove hopelessness. It often reveals that recovery has foc
When His Recovery Journey Is Destroying Her Healing Journey
In this episode (340), we respond to a deeply painful submission from a betrayed partner who is trying to determine whether she can stay in a marriage where her husband’s recovery journey seems to be destroying her own healing journey. She discovered in 2024 that her husband had a long history of pornography addiction, alcoholism, escapism, attempted infidelity, trickle truths, and repeated broken
Sexualized Media, Movies & Other Content—Can They Ever Be Safe Again in True Recovery?
In this episode (339), we explore whether sexualized media, movies with nudity, provocative social media, and other triggering content can ever be considered “safe” again in true recovery from pornography addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. The question comes from a betrayed partner who wonders why sex addiction is sometimes treated differently from chemical addictions, where sobriety usually
When Porn Addiction Evolves into AI Fantasy Using the Partner as the “Character”
In this episode (338), we explore a new but increasingly common form of betrayal: porn addiction escalating into AI-generated sexual fantasy, including the use of a partner’s image or likeness as the “character” in altered images, videos, or written sexual scenarios. The betrayed partner who wrote in described a long marriage marked by hidden pornography, years of sexual disconnection, fantasy-bas
What to Do When an Addict Uses Recovery to Avoid Caring About His Partner?
This episode (#337) addresses the painful experience of a betrayed partner whose husband claims he is “in recovery” after a relapse, but continues to severely lack empathy, respond defensively, withdraw emotionally, and use recovery language as an excuse to avoid caring about her pain. We make it clear that asking about his recovery, needing reassurance, and wanting emotional support are not “game
Betrayal Trauma, Childhood Trauma & My Own Addiction—Where Do I Even Start?
This episode (336) explores the painful and complicated reality of a young betrayed partner who is trying to recover from betrayal trauma while also carrying childhood trauma and her own history with porn/sex addiction. We begin by validating the sheer complexity of her situation and making clear that she is not crazy, cursed, or hopelessly broken. When betrayal trauma, early trauma, and addiction
Healthy Sexuality or Pornified Performance? Navigating Lingerie, Fantasies, Kinks, & Authentic Intimacy in Recovery
In this episode (335), we respond to a courageous submission from a betrayed partner who is navigating early recovery with her partner after multiple discovery days. Both partners have trauma histories, both are in individual therapy, and both are trying to understand what healthy sexual intimacy can look like after porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and past sexual coping patterns. Her questions ce
Am I REALLY Recovering—Or Just Using My Partner Instead of Porn?
In Episode 334, we respond to a submission from a man in early recovery who discovered, with honesty and concern, that he may be relying on his partner sexually in order to avoid relapse. His partner discovered his porn addiction, he disclosed much of what had happened, and both of them are now trying to work their own recovery. He recognizes that his brain has been deeply affected by addiction, e
"Why Do Intrusive Mental Images Still Hit Me—Even Years Into His Recovery?"
In this episode (#333), we address a question from a betrayed partner who is about three years into sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing with her partner. Although he has been sober, involved in 12-step recovery, working with a sponsor, and the couple has gone through formal therapeutic disclosure, she still experiences intrusive mental images connected to his past acting out. We exp
Half-In, Half-Out Recovery: He Says He’s Changing but Keeps the “Addiction Door” Cracked Open
In this PBSE episode (#332), we explore what it means when an addict says he is changing but continues to keep the “addiction door” cracked open. A betrayed partner may see signs that look like recovery—porn blockers, monitoring software, more honesty, fewer obvious acting-out behaviors—but still discover that her partner is seeking sexualized content through social media thirst traps, scanning, f
If He will NOT face His Porn Addiction—You as a Partner MUST find Your Voice NOW!
In this episode (#331), we respond to a betrayed partner who discovered her husband’s ongoing porn use while she was pregnant and has since caught him multiple times in the same painful cycle: he apologizes, promises to stop, briefly improves, becomes defensive, grows distant, and eventually lies again. The most recent betrayal was especially devastating because he told her he no longer watched po
No D-Day, No Disclosure—But I KNOW I’ve Been Betrayed: Healing from Integrity Abuse When the Truth Is Still Hidden
In Episode 330, Mark & Steve address a uniquely painful and confusing experience for many betrayed partners: living with a deep sense of betrayal and trauma without ever receiving a full disclosure or definitive proof of wrongdoing. We explain that the absence of a “D-Day” does not mean the absence of harm, and that many partners endure years of emotional instability, manipulation, and invalid
We Want a Family, But He Just Disclosed His Porn Addiction—Now What?
In this episode (329), Mark and Steve address a submission from a betrayed wife whose husband has recently disclosed a porn addiction just as they were preparing to start a family. They acknowledge the immense emotional tension she is carrying: she deeply loves her husband, wants to support him, and has always dreamed of becoming a mother, yet now feels shattered by betrayal, comparison, insecurit
He Says He Chooses Me... So Why Is He Still Thinking About Other Women?!
In this episode (328), we address a powerful and heartbreaking question from a betrayed partner: how can her partner claim to love and choose her while continuing to have sexual thoughts about other women? We acknowledge the profound trauma this creates, especially given the timing during pregnancy and postpartum—a period of heightened vulnerability. The repeated disclosures of these thoughts have
He Turned Me Into Porn . . . Now I Don't Want Sex at All—Is This Normal?!
This episode (327) centers on a betrayed partner who, after uncovering her husband’s secret pornography use, finds herself increasingly sexually averse despite his apparent efforts toward recovery. Her experience is compounded by a history of childhood sexual trauma and objectification, making the betrayal not just painful, but deeply retraumatizing. When her husband admitted to mentally replacing
The NECESSITY of Community in Recovery & Healing for Addicts and Betrayed Partners
In Episode 326, we highlight the critical truth that both addiction and betrayal trauma are fueled by isolation and secrecy, making community an essential part of the healing process. Addicts often withdraw due to shame and fear of judgment, while betrayed partners frequently feel alone, confused, and unable to share their reality with others. This shared isolation deepens pain on both sides and r
Why Does My Heart Keep Moving Further Away . . . Even Though He’s Finally Trying?!
Episode 325 centers on a betrayed partner who feels increasingly disconnected from her husband, even though he has recently begun making genuine recovery efforts. After ten years of repeated cycles of acting out, partial truth, gaslighting, and temporary repair, her nervous system has adapted to expect instability and harm. When full disclosure revealed that she had only known a fraction of the tr
Can I or We ever Heal from his Trickled Truths, Multiple D-Days and Ongoing Lies?!
Many betrayed partners face the heartbreaking experience of trickle truth—when pieces of the truth about sexual betrayal emerge slowly over time instead of all at once. In this episode (324), we respond to a partner who experienced an initial discovery day involving pornography and prostitution, supported her husband’s recovery efforts, and went through formal disclosure, only to later discover ev
Can Someone Who Lived a Secret Sexual Life for 40 Years Ever be Truly Sober?
In this episode (323), we address a heartbreaking submission from a betrayed partner who discovered that her husband of over forty years had been living a secret sexual life throughout their entire marriage. After decades of pornography use, strip clubs, and paid sexual encounters—hidden behind a carefully managed public image—she now finds herself asking the question many partners face after long
Relationship Healing Lives or Dies on "Consistent Transparency!"
(PBSE Episode 322) In relationships impacted by pornography or sex addiction, the greatest damage often comes not only from the betrayal itself but from the pattern of secrecy and withheld truth that surrounds it. Many betrayed partners find themselves repeatedly uncovering the truth through investigation rather than receiving honesty freely from their partner. Even when couples pursue formal disc
Guardrails or Walls? Moving from Sexual Aversion to Healthy Intimacy in Recovery
Episode 321 addresses a vulnerable question from a man in recovery who fears he may have “overcorrected”—moving from sexual addiction to sexual numbness. After establishing over a year of sobriety, he wonders if suppressing his sexuality has led to aversion rather than health. We explain that this phase is not uncommon. Sobriety is essential, but it is only the beginning. When years of compulsive
He has the Right to Completely Screw Up His Life!
In episode 320, we address a betrayed partner’s heartbreaking story of separation turning into divorce as her husband’s addiction spirals further out of control. What was supposed to be a wake-up call instead became deeper indulgence, leaving her feeling disrespected, confused, and searching for closure. We explore how addicts can reach a point where fantasy feels “authentic,” and how emotional im
When Betrayal is Confessed, What are Healthy Boundaries for the Partner & Addict?
When betrayal is confessed, both partners are immediately forced into territory they never chose. In this episode (#319), we address a powerful submission from a man whose pornography use and delayed disclosure led to the end of a serious relationship. We unpack why betrayal permanently changes a relationship’s landscape and why healthy boundaries for the betrayed partner begin with space, agency,
Can "Just Looking" Destroy a Marriage: Understanding Visual Sexual Addiction
In this episode (#318), we respond to a deeply painful and thought-provoking submission from a partner married for fifteen years who discovered her husband’s long-standing pattern of visual sexual behaviors. While he insists he rarely masturbated, his compulsive scanning, voyeurism, and objectification left her questioning whether “just looking” could really constitute addiction—and why it felt so
From Shock to Self–Trust: Reclaiming Your Inner Truth After Betrayal
In this episode (#317), we address one of the most destabilizing experiences betrayed partners face: the collapse of reality after discovering a partner’s hidden addiction. When betrayal comes from someone who appeared kind, loving, and emotionally present, the trauma can feel especially disorienting. Partners often question their intelligence, intuition, and judgment—but we make it clear that int
What Does "Proactive Honesty" in Your Daily Life & Relationships Look Like?
In this episode (#316) we focus on the critical role of proactive honesty in healing relationships impacted by addiction, betrayal, and trauma. Proactive honesty goes far beyond “not lying”—it means leading with truth rather than waiting to be confronted, asked the right question, or forced into disclosure. When honesty becomes reactive instead of proactive, trust erodes, emotional safety collapse
No Bullsh*t—What’s ACTUALLY Blocking An Addict’s TRUE Change?
This episode (#315) challenges the common illusion that visible recovery behaviors—meetings, therapy, sobriety streaks—automatically equal real change. Using a devastating listener submission as the catalyst, we explain why relapse after “recovery” often hurts partners more deeply than early betrayal: by that point, the addict knows the harm and still chooses it. We distinguish reactive recovery (
How to Attain REAL and LASTING Change in 2026!
As a new year begins, many addicts and betrayed partners feel both hope and heartbreak—hope that things can change, and heartbreak from remembering all the years they didn’t. In this episode, we explain why traditional New Year’s resolutions often fail: they are usually made from reactionary emotional states, lack realistic structure, and collapse when real life returns. Instead of empowering chan
Face the Devastation You Have Heaped Upon Your Partner and then CHOOSE TO CHANGE!
In episode #313, we address a hard but necessary truth: addicts cannot change what they refuse to see. Using two deeply moving submissions from betrayed partners, we illustrate how years of porn use, dishonesty, staggered disclosure, and fake recovery create devastating emotional, psychological, relational, and financial consequences. These stories highlight partners who are not “impatient” or “un
My Partner is in Recovery. Should we let the past go and move on? Is there a place for “grieving” what was lost?
Episode 312—Many couples in recovery assume that progress means focusing only on the future, but this mindset often overlooks the deep losses created by addiction and betrayal. Partners may grieve the relationship they thought they had, the years marked by deception, and the emotional safety that was taken from them without consent. When grief is minimized or avoided—often in the name of “positivi
After Years of Porn Use, Will I Ever See My Partner as the “Most Attractive” Person in My Life?
In this episode (#311), we respond to a vulnerable question from an addict early in recovery who wonders whether years of porn use have permanently damaged his ability to see his wife as the most attractive person in his life. He worries that neurological “chemical bonding” to porn images and body types means he will always be more attached to fantasy than to his real partner—and that his wife may
When are Specific Details about an Addict's Behavior Helpful or Harmful for a Partner?
This episode (#310) examines one of the most complex issues couples face after sexual betrayal: determining which details about an addict’s behavior genuinely help the betrayed partner heal, and which unintentionally deepen her trauma. When discovery occurs, a partner’s neurological fight-flight-freeze system activates, compelling her to search for every possible detail to regain safety. Drawing d
What is "Integrity Abuse" and How does it Impact the Betrayed Partner?
In Episode 309, Mark & Steve address a PBSE listener's questions about "Integrity abuse," which is a relational pattern where one partner chronically violates core commitments—honesty, transparency, fidelity, emotional responsibility, and safety—through secrecy, deceit, manipulation, and strategic omission. Unlike overt emotional or verbal abuse, integrity abuse often operates q
Why My Body Shuts Down: Understanding Sexual Trauma Responses After Years of Betrayal
This episode (#308) focuses on a partner whose body has completely shut down sexually after decades of betrayal, manipulation, and sexual violation—including being touched while unconscious. We explain how her body has not suddenly changed since disclosure; it has been adapting for years to a marriage that was unsafe long before she understood why. This long-term exposure to deception and boundary
How Do We Discover/Recover Healthy Sexual Intimacy After Sexual Toxicity and Betrayal?
In episode 307, Mark & Steve respond to an all-too-common history and situation submitted by a betrayed partner. Healthy sexual intimacy after betrayal cannot simply return to what it once was; it must be rebuilt on a new foundation of authenticity and safety. Because pornography shapes the brain and rewires arousal patterns, couples often find themselves questioning what’s real, what’s health
Is my Partner a clinical "Narcissist" or does he just have Narcissistic Tendencies?
This episode (#306) addresses a common but painful question from betrayed partners: “Is my spouse a narcissist, or just showing narcissistic tendencies?” Mark and Steve explain that while the term “narcissist” has become a cultural buzzword, true narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is rare and defined by a complete absence of empathy. In contrast, addicts in denial often appear narcissistic be
My Porn Addicted Partner uses photos of Family & Friends to Fantasize! What Do I Do?!
This episode (#305) opens with a raw letter from a betrayed partner who discovered her husband had been using social media photos of women they both knew—friends, clients, even family—to fuel his sexual fantasies. Her anguish—“How could he ever love me if he could do this?”—captures the emotional devastation of betrayal trauma. We discuss how porn and sex addiction warp the brain’s functioning, tu
In a Relationship Filled with Betrayal—How Can I Trust He will Not Betray Me Again?!
In Episode 304, Mark and Steve address a powerful letter from a partner whose relationship began in betrayal—her husband secretly continued sexual involvement with his ex while dating her and later maintained years of hidden pornography use. Despite countless promises to quit, he lied, relapsed, and gaslighted her, leaving her emotionally and physically wrecked. They affirm that what she’s experie
What does ACTUAL Accountability look like for a Porn/Sex Addict in REAL Recovery?
In PBSE Episode 303, Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner's questions about what real accountability looks like for a recovering porn/sex addict. Real accountability in porn and sex addiction recovery is far more than saying “I’m sorry.” It’s a deep, ongoing process of taking full ownership of one’s actions, beginning with radical honesty toward oneself and others. Addicts must stop m
My Partner says He Only Has Eyes for Me—but He’s Hooked on Porn—Should I Believe Him?
In this PBSE episode (#302), Mark & Steve respond to a betrayed partner who faces an all-too-common form of "double-dealing." When a partner says “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” but secretly consumes porn featuring people who look nothing like you—who are NOT you—the contradiction is deeply painful. It undermines trust, triggers feelings of rejection, and cuts to the c
How Does a Porn/Sex Addict Coercing His Partner into Acting Out Fantasies Impact Them Both?
This episode of the PBSE Podcast (#301) centers on the question, “How does a porn/sex addict coercing his partner into acting out fantasies impact them both?” Mark and Steve begin by acknowledging the devastating reality of such coercion and the way it violates the original commitment of exclusivity and mutual respect that every relationship is meant to hold. They describe how many addicts enter m
When Touch Feels Like Pressure: Breaking Free from Over-Sexualization
Episode 300 highlights the raw submission of a betrayed partner struggling with a husband who pressures her sexually despite her clear “not yet.” He gawked, grabbed, and dismissed her boundaries while excusing his behavior as a “high sex drive.” His minimization left her doubting herself, wondering if she was the problem. This dynamic illustrates how gaslighting erodes self-trust and places partne
Big Gestures, Broken Trust—Living in the Cycle of Empty Commitments
In this episode (#299), Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner’s story of exhaustion after five years of broken promises from her addict spouse. Despite his grand gestures—weekly check-ins, new hobbies, and podcast listening—he repeatedly relapses and becomes defensive when confronted. This cycle leaves her hyper-vigilant, carrying the weight of the household, and feeling unseen and dismisse
As a Recovering Porn & Sex Addict—What Is Keeping Me In My Marriage?
In this powerful PBSE conversation (Episode 298), we respond to a listener who vulnerably asked whether he is staying in his marriage out of love—or out of fear and obligation. Three and a half months into the space between Discovery Day and full therapeutic disclosure, he wonders if he can truly love his wife, or if he is staying simply because of the kids, his reputation, or fear of being alone.
"Everyone Thinks He’s Great . . . But They Don’t Know the Whole Story"
In Episode 297, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a porn/sex addict in active recovery. He describes an ongoing situation that is very difficult for his betrayed partner and shows a great deal of genuine concern for her. Here's the issue—compliments by friends, family and others, aimed at an addict in recovery, can create painful triggers for betrayed partners, who know b
When Loving Him Means Losing Me—Do I Stay or Go?!
When a partner reaches the heartbreaking point of saying, “I love him, but I feel I’m losing myself,” the question of staying or leaving becomes urgent. After 21 years of repeated betrayal, secrecy, and broken promises, one woman wonders how long she can endure the cycle. This PBSE episode (#296) unpacks that struggle, emphasizing that being lured back by charm is not weakness but love—and also hi
My Partner uses Porn to Punish Me for Not Losing Weight. How do I Recover from That?!
This episode (#295) examines the devastating impact of a husband who weaponized pornography and withheld intimacy as punishment for his wife not meeting his “ideal” body standard. Over two decades, his rejection inflicted a “self-esteem massacre,” leaving her questioning how she could ever recover. We identify this behavior as rooted in immaturity, selfishness, and abuse, making clear that true lo
Healing for Betrayed Partners with a Sexually Abusive Past (PART 2)
This is PBSE Episode 295—When betrayal trauma collides with a history of childhood sexual abuse, partners often feel doubly overwhelmed, carrying both the scars of the past and the pain of the present. Silence, a survival strategy from childhood, often resurfaces in marriage, leaving betrayed partners afraid to voice their needs for fear of conflict or abandonment. But silence only deepens the tra
The Impact of a Sexually Abusive Childhood on a Betrayed Partner (PART 1)
In Episode 293, Mark ands Steve address how childhood sexual abuse is a form of complex trauma that imprints deeply on a survivor’s understanding of love, trust, and sexuality. It often distorts sexual norms, blurs boundaries between consent and compliance, and creates lasting confusion around intimacy. Survivors may develop insecure attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, or disorganized—and struggl
I Keep Finding Myself Hurt In Relationships with Porn/Sex Addicts—How Do I Break the Cycle?
This episode (#292) explores the repeated heartbreak many betrayed partners experience when they unknowingly enter relationships with porn or sex addicts, offering both empathy and practical strategies for breaking the cycle. It begins by affirming that betrayal is never the betrayed partner’s fault, highlighting how addicts often hide their behaviors through manipulation, secrecy, and even self-d
Advice for Young Adults Balancing Mental Health, School, Life and Porn Addiction
In response to a powerful message from an 18-year-old listener, Mark and Steve devote this episode to young adults balancing school, mental health, and porn addiction. They applaud the listener’s maturity and self-awareness and use his story as a springboard to discuss the foundational concepts of being “accountable” and “responsible.” They emphasize that healing begins with personal ownership and
Can I Have a Healthy Relationship with my Addict Partner without him Sharing His Past?
Episode 290 of the PBSE Podcast explores a powerful question submitted by a betrayed partner whose addict husband is in active recovery but refuses to discuss his past. The discussion centers on what real intimacy requires—emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the willingness to be known. While many addicts hold back due to fear, shame, or cultural conditioning, we unpack how these barriers unde
My Betrayed Partner regularly Screams & Lashes Out . . . How can I Help Her?
This episode tackles the heartfelt question of a recovering porn addict whose wife frequently screams, lashes out, and accuses him of lying—despite his efforts at sobriety and support. We emphasize that these outbursts often stem from deep, layered trauma, especially when relapse reopens old wounds. Recovery is not just about avoiding porn; it's about understanding and owning the devastating
My Porn/Sex Addicted Partner tells me I just need to "Get over it" . . . So now what?!
In this powerful episode, we address the heart-wrenching story of a betrayed partner whose marriage has been scarred by nearly two decades of emotional abuse, chronic dishonesty, and sexual betrayal. Despite having initiated divorce proceedings, she finds herself still seeking clarity and wondering if hope remains. Her husband, who continues to act out sexually while refusing meaningful recovery,
My Addict Partner Keeps going Through Cycles of Taking Me For Granted! What Do I Do?
PBSE Podcast Episode 287 explores the recurring emotional turmoil experienced by a betrayed partner whose addict spouse continues to cycle through emotional relapses, despite seemingly engaging in recovery activities. Every six months, he emotionally regresses—questioning their relationship, doubting compatibility, and withdrawing connection—which destabilizes her sense of safety and triggers deep
I'm Staying Away from Porn, But I Want to FEEL Repulsed by it. How?
PBSE Podcast Episode 286, follows the journey of a man in early recovery who is not content with simply staying away from pornography—he wants to feel a deep emotional aversion to it. The article explores this desire for integrity and congruence, addressing how many men feel torn between what they know is harmful and what they are still wired to find stimulating. It offers a compassionate view tha
Performance Anxiety” is Creating a WALL Between Me & My Betrayed Partner! What Advice do you have?
In relationships impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, performance anxiety often becomes more than a physical issue—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection, trauma, and mistrust. Drawing from a heartfelt message submitted to the PBSE Podcast, Episode 285 delves into how men in recovery may find themselves crippled by shame when they’re unable to sexually perform, especially wh
My Addict Partner is Now Identifying as “Polyamorous” and I Don’t Agree. Now What?
In Episode 284 of the PBSE podcast, we dive into the harrowing story of a woman navigating her husband’s sudden shift from sex addiction recovery to identifying as polyamorous. After years of pain, betrayal, and dedicated recovery work, she’s now facing a radical alteration in the foundation of their relationship. Her husband demands acceptance of his new identity, while she grapples with whether
What if my Addict Partner and I Disagree About Boundaries—Now What?
This PBSE episode (#283) delves into the delicate issue of couples disagreeing about boundaries during addiction recovery. It begins by emphasizing that boundaries exist to protect authenticity and safety rather than to control others, underscoring the need for each partner to clarify and communicate their genuine wants and needs. The addict's resistance often stems from deeper issues like sh
How Long Should My Former Addict Partner Maintain Sobriety and Recovery Before I Consider Getting Back with Him?
PBSE Podcast Episode 282 tackles the emotionally complex question many betrayed partners face: “How long should my former addict partner maintain sobriety and recovery before I consider getting back with him?” Rather than offering a simple timeline, it reframes the question to focus on the quality and consistency of change in both partners. The article underscores that while time matters, what mat
As a Betrayed Partner, How Do I Stop Waiting Around for the Rug to be Pulled Out from Under Me–Again?!
PBSE Podcast Episode 281, tackles the painful and familiar experience of betrayed partners who live in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for the next betrayal to surface. Centering around a listener’s heartfelt submission, the article outlines the emotional toll of repeated trauma, especially in relationships where staggered disclosures have prolonged the hurt. Despite doing some recovery work,
As a Betrayed Partner, How do I Talk to my Teenage Kids About Healthy Sexuality?
In PBSE Episode 280, Mark & Steve address the complex challenge faced by betrayed partners—especially those healing from porn or sex addiction in their relationships—who want to guide their teenage children toward healthy sexuality. It begins by acknowledging the emotional burden and conflict many betrayed partners feel, especially when trying to teach their children something they themselves
Do you REALLY want Intimate CONNECTION or Not?
PBSE Podcast 279 confronts the painful contradiction many addicts face: a deep longing for intimate connection paired with a habitual avoidance of it. Through a heartfelt partner’s submission and personal reflections, Mark and Steve illustrate how addiction, as an intimacy disorder, fuels this cycle of wanting but not acting—of making promises without follow-through. The core issue often isn’t a l
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