The Affair Recovery Room
The Affair Recovery Room is a podcast for anyone affected by infidelity, offering honest conversations, practical guidance, and hope. Hosted by licensed counselor Tim Tedder of AffairHealing.com, each episode provides insight and support for those navigating the aftermath of betrayal. New episodes release on Tuesdays and some Fridays.
Episodes
Trust Yourself After Being Betrayed
One of the most disorienting effects of betrayal is what it does to a woman's sense of self. She may have been strong, capable, even confident—and then the discovery of infidelity strips away the ground she was standing on. She doesn't just lose trust in her partner. She loses trust in herself.In this conversation, Tim talks with life coach Zerina Dervini about why betrayal hits identity so hard a
Elisa, 6 Years Later: Life After He Left
Six years ago, Elisa's husband told her he was leaving their marriage for another woman. In the original three-part "Elisa's Story" series, she shared the raw experience of that first year: the shock, the grief, the impact on her sons, and the anxiety of navigating co-parenting with the woman who had replaced her.Now, six years later, Tim Tedder revisits that conversation with Elisa to explore wha
The Broken Marriage, Her Exit Affair
Joni Woods grew up with a clear picture of what marriage was supposed to look like—and an equally clear sense of what a faithful wife was supposed to do when it didn't. For fifteen years, she stayed in a marriage defined by criticism, control, and abuse, holding the appearance of a healthy relationship together while her church community watched. It wasn't until her children became targets of her
Men’s Groups: Show Up. Be Real.
What makes a man emotionally unavailable? And what does it take to change that? In this episode, Tim Tedder sits down with Jason Lange, a men's coach and group facilitator, to explore one of the most underaddressed dimensions of relationship healing: the inner world of men.Jason draws on his own journey to explain how many men enter adulthood without two fundamental skills: self-awareness and the
A Conversation with My Ex: Relationships After Divorce
The hardest part of healing isn't the moment you decide to forgive. It's every ordinary moment after that—the birthday parties, the graduations, the holidays—where you choose it again and again.In this final episode of A Conversation with My Ex, Tim and Konnie talk about the relationship they've built in the years since their divorce. It hasn't been without struggle. There have been seasons of ten
The Children’s Experience of My Affair, Our Divorce
Affairs often have multiple victims. This episode gives voice to some of them.Tim and Konnie's story has been told, in their own words, across two honest episodes. But there were others in that story, too. Five children who didn't choose what happened, didn't cause it, and couldn't stop it, but who carried it nonetheless, each in their own way.In this bonus episode, released before the final conve
A Conversation with My Ex: D-day and the Aftermath
In this second episode of A Conversation with My Ex, Tim Tedder and his ex-wife Konnie talk about the disclosure of Tim's affair—first the partial truth, then the full confession he chose to make a week later.What followed was one of the most revealing stretches of their marriage: Konnie processing devastating grief while Tim watched, emotionally unreachable, from somewhere he couldn't explain. Th
A Conversation with My Ex: Our Marriage, My Affair
In this first episode of A Conversation with My Ex, Tim Tedder sits down with Konnie, his ex-wife, for an honest, unhurried look at the relationship they built and the choices that dismantled it. They talk about meeting in college, the early years of their relationship, the slow accumulation of disconnection, and the affair that brought everything into the open.What you won't find here is score-se
Old Wounds, New Hurts
The common explanation for why affairs happen is usually a marriage story: we grew apart, I felt neglected, something was missing. And sometimes those things are true. But they're rarely the whole story.In this episode, Tim talks with Kayla Crane, a licensed therapist specializing in inner child work and trauma, about the childhood roots of adult behavior — and what that has to do with infidelity.
Addicted to Porn: Sacrificing Intimacy & Integrity
Porn addiction doesn’t usually start in an overwhelming rush. It starts quietly—a habit that feels manageable, maybe even harmless. But over time, it rewires the way we experience desire, connection, and satisfaction with a gradual subtleness that’s hard to see until the damage is already done.In this episode, I talk with Jeremy Lipkowitz, founder of the Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked p
Out of Betrayal’s Fire: The Rising Phoenix Story Part 2
Healing after betrayal is not a moment. It's not a decision you make once and then move forward from. It's a process, and for most people, it's longer, harder, and more layered than anything they could have imagined at the beginning.Michelle knows that. She lived it. She wrote about it. And now she’s talking about it with us.In part two of this conversation, Michelle picks up where episode one lef
Out of Betrayal’s Fire: The Rising Phoenix Story Part 1
When Michelle discovered her husband's affair, she didn't find out through a conversation or a confession. She woke up one morning, saw a laptop left open on the table, and her world collapsed in silence. No screaming. No feeling. Just numb hands shaking over a keyboard, trying to type a word she couldn't spell.That moment was the beginning of a four-year journey that Michelle has since documented
From Suffering to Love, Part 2: Gratitude and Love
Anthony Silard and Tim Tedder continue working through the love progression model, picking up where they left off after acceptance and forgiveness. The focus now shifts to the third and fourth stages: gratitude and love, and what it actually takes to reach them.Anthony reframes gratitude not as a feeling you manufacture, but as a perspective you choose after doing the hard work of forgiveness. He
From Suffering to Love, Part 1: Acceptance and Forgiveness
When trust is shattered by infidelity, the path forward can feel impossibly dark. The betrayed partner wonders if love is even possible anymore. The one who broke trust quietly accepts a diminished future, as if suffering is simply the sentence they deserve to serve. But what if the suffering itself is actually the path toward something deeper? That's the provocative and hopeful claim at the heart
Setting Good Boundaries: Pleasing, Controlling, or Caring?
Barb Nangle grew up in a home shaped by infidelity and codependency, and without realizing it, she carried those patterns into her own adult life. Her father was unfaithful throughout her childhood, her mother stayed and made it "okay," and Barb eventually found herself repeating both. It wasn't until she entered 12-step recovery in 2015 that she began to see the truth: she wasn't just a people-pl
Better Conversations In Troubled Times
Tim talks with couples therapist and communication expert Raffi Bilek about what healthy communication really looks like after infidelity. They explore the crucial shift that must occur when trust is broken. Raffi outlines practical tools couples can begin using immediately, including separating “exploration” conversations from “resolution” conversations and taking intentional turns speaking and l
The Post-Affair Marriage: Who Broke It? Who Should Fix It?
When a marriage is damaged by infidelity, two questions emerge: Who broke it? And who has to fix it? The answers are rarely as simple as we’d like. In this episode, licensed counselor Tim Tedder challenges some of the most common assumptions about why affairs happen and what recovery requires.Are affairs caused by something missing in the marriage? Was the relationship already broken before the be
Can You Have a Better Marriage after Infidelity?
What do you do when you feel stuck in a marriage after an affair? Can you make it better? In this episode, Tim sits down with Dr. Amy and Roy Clark, a husband-and-wife counseling team who specialize in helping couples rebuild their marriage or discern when it’s time to make a different choice. Together, they unpack the four pillars of relationship health—time, trust, communication, and reciprocity
Deciding to Stay In Your Marriage: The Involved Partner
In this episode, we take a look at the Involved Partner’s responsibility in healing a relationship after their affair. Tim Teder talks with Dr. Deb Miller, a long-time psychologist who has shifted her work away from traditional affair repair and toward something often overlooked: the inner work of the person who broke trust.Deb shares why an apology alone is never enough, and why real healing requ
Deciding to Stay In Your Marriage: The Injured Partner
Staying after an affair is only the beginning. Real healing requires clarity, courage, and collaboration from both partners. In this episode, Tim Tedder and Nancy Pickard explore what the Injured Partner needs for genuine healing—truth, boundaries, trauma care, forgiveness, and a meaningful role in building Marriage 2.0.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Web Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/042Nancy
Deciding to Leave After an Affair: Emotional, Relationship, and Religious Considerations
Discussing the difficult decision to leave a marriage after an affair. In this second episode, counselors Tim Tedder and Sharon Barbour discuss grief, shame, coparenting, starting new relationships, and the religious issues that sometimes surround this choice.LINKS and EXTRASSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair heali
Deciding to Leave After an Affair: When and Why to Heal Alone
Affair recovery counselors Tim Tedder and Sharon Barbour talk honestly about the difficult decision to leave a marriage after an affair. In this first episode of a two-part series, they explore the importance of timing and indicators that leaving may be the healthiest next step. LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/040Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement
Is there Meaning in this Pain?
Tim Tedder sits down with psychologist Bruce Chalmer, a longtime couples therapist who helps partners navigate betrayal, conflict, and change. Bruce shares why he sees infidelity not only as a crisis, but as a powerful turning point for learning, meaning, and growth.A central theme of the conversation is Dr. Chalmer’s understanding of faith—not as religious doctrine, but as a mindset that accepts
Betrayed and Abandoned: Interview with Linda MacDonald
As an author and therapist specializing in affair recovery, Linda MacDonald never imagined she would face the very crisis she had spent years helping others survive. But when she discovered her husband’s affair—and then heard him say he wanted a divorce—she found herself living the double trauma of betrayal and abandonment.In her book Redeeming the Post-Affair Divorce, Linda writes candidly about
The Best Clips of 2025, Part 2
Another collection of the best clips from our podcast episodes in 2025, with comments from Tim Tedder. In Part 2, we hear clips from these episodes:Episode 17: ILYBINILWYEpisode 6: GaslightingEpisode 14: 6 Affair MotivesEpisode 9: Lovely Fruit (SongTalk)Episodes 19-20: How to Sleep Again (free resources)Episode 24: Stop Repairing Your Marriage After an AffairEpisode 34: Married to a Narcissist (fr
The Best Clips of 2025, Part 1
A collection of the best clips from our podcast episodes in 2025, with comments from Tim Tedder. In Part 1, we hear clips from these episodes:Episode 8: It Feels Like Love: The Power of LimerenceEpisode 10: Crossing the Line: Steps Into InfidelityEpisodes 2-4: Elisa’s StoryEpisode 13: Haunting of My HeartEpisode 21: The Problem of ForgivenessEpisode 22: The Power of ForgivenessEpisodes 30-33: Kevi
Perspectives on Compromises: The Fog & the Light
Most affairs don’t begin with a dramatic decision. They begin with something small: a conversation, a shared laugh, a spark of attention that feels harmless. In this episode of The Affair Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores what happens in those early compromises, when two competing messages show up at the same time. One speaks from the Fog of Self-Justification. The other speaks from the Light of
Married to a Narcissist
Tim Tedder welcomes coach and author Annette Chesney to talk about one of the most confusing and painful dynamics people face in marriage: loving someone who may be on the narcissistic spectrum. Annette walks us through her four-category Narcissistic Relationship Spectrum, a practical way to identify the differences between normal human imperfection, fear-driven reactivity, calculated manipulation
Kevin Leaves: His Third Year
In this final episode of Kevin Leaves, we return to Kevin’s story during the third year after he left his marriage and family. By this time, more than two years have passed since he moved away to build a new life with the woman who had been his affair partner. Kevin reaches out again after more than a year of silence, ready to talk about the choices he’s made and the ways they’ve shaped his life.
Kevin Leaves: His Second Year
Episode 3 of Kevin Leaves returns to Kevin’s story after a six-month pause in our conversations. By this point, he’s been away from his family for fifteen months, building a life with the woman who had been his affair partner. When Kevin calls me in November, he’s ready to talk about what these months have really felt like—what’s been encouraging, what’s been painful, and where the cracks are begi
Kevin Leaves: His First Year
In this second episode of Kevin Leaves, Kevin reflects on his first Christmas after leaving his family, a holiday filled with both warmth and grief. He talks about the good moments: time with his children and the pleasure in spending the holidays with his parents. But he also describes the painful parts: the tension with his ex-wife, the awkwardness of returning to a home he no longer lived in, an
Kevin Leaves: His First Few Months
Kevin Leaves is a four-part series built from three years of recorded conversations with a man who walked away from his marriage and children to pursue a relationship that began as an affair. In this first episode, The First Few Months, we step into the early aftermath of that decision: the shockwaves, the doubts, and the small daily moments that reveal what leaving actually costs.These early conv
More Bad Advice about Affair Recovery
In this follow-up to Some Bad Advice About Affair Recovery, Tim tackles five more common myths that often derail genuine healing after infidelity. These are the messages that sound certain: “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” “Just fix your marriage,” or “If you forgive, you should trust again.” But they oversimplify the work of affair recovery.Through real stories, insight, and a few creative aud
Some Bad Advice about Affair Recovery
There’s a lot of advice out there about how to recover from infidelity. Not all of it is good. In this episode (the first of a two-part series), Tim Tedder explores some of the worst pieces of “bad advice” that couples often hear after an affair. From the pressure to instantly leave or immediately forgive, to the temptation to keep secrets or “stay friends” with an affair partner, these myths can
How Long Does Affair Recovery Take?
“How long will this take?” It’s the question every betrayed and unfaithful partner asks after an affair. Some people want to move on as quickly as possible, while others remain frozen in the pain for years. But recovery isn’t measured by months or milestones; it’s measured by movement.In this episode, Tim explores why healing timelines vary so widely and what really determines progress. Through tw
Understand WHY: The Reasons You Cheat
The question “Why did you do it?” is one of the hardest parts of affair recovery. In this episode, Tim Tedder explores why many unfaithful partners struggle to explain their behavior and why simple answers rarely satisfy the person who’s been betrayed. Through real-life comments and a new audio sketch, he illustrates how confusion, shame, and self-protection often block understanding in the early
What Counts as Cheating… Really?
What actually counts as cheating? A kiss? A message? A “like” on an ex’s beach photo? In this episode, Tim Tedder explores how couples define (and often misdefine) the lines that shape trust. Through candid street interviews, audio sketches, survey results, and insights from affair recovery specialists, he reveals why some boundaries feel universal while others depend entirely on a couple’s unique
Stop Repairing Your Marriage After an Affair
After infidelity, many couples try to repair their marriage by patching cracks, setting up boundaries, and promising fidelity. While those steps are essential, they rarely restore the deep stability that betrayed partners long for. Why? Because real healing requires more than repair. It requires renovation.In this episode, Tim Tedder uses the powerful metaphor of a house with a secret basement to
Light of Grace
What does grace look like for those who feel beyond it? Tim Tedder and Betsy Prentice reflect on Light of Grace—a song that opens the door to honest conversation about shame, judgment, and redemption. They speak candidly about the experience of infidelity, the isolating weight of shame, and the messages that either helped or hindered healing. This is a vulnerable, hope-filled conversation for anyo
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness after betrayal can feel impossible. In our last episode, we explored three kinds of forgiveness that don’t work — premature, fake, and bartered. They may look like progress, but they keep couples stuck.In this episode of The Affair Recovery Room, Tim Tedder turns to the two forms of forgiveness that actually bring healing: Decisional Forgiveness and Full Forgiveness. Decisional Forgive
The Problem with Forgiveness
Forgiveness after betrayal is one of the hardest, most confusing challenges couples face. Everyone agrees it’s important, but what does forgiveness actually mean? And how do you know if what you’ve offered—or received—is real?In this episode of The Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores three common but unhealthy forms of forgiveness: premature forgiveness, fake forgiveness, and bartered forgiveness.
How To Sleep Again Part 2
In the second episode of a two-part series, Tim talks further with certified sleep coach Yana Vriesinga about post-infidelity insomnia and how to heal your nights.Tim continues his conversation with Yana Vriesinga, a certified sleep coach trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). In this episode: The List Man spoils Tim’s sleep, how the brain works at night, distractions from i
How To Sleep Again Part 1
Infidelity often wrecks sleep. In the first of a two-part series, Tim talks with certified sleep coach Yana Vriesinga about post-infidelity insomnia and how to heal your nights.EPISODE NOTESWhen infidelity shatters trust, one of the first casualties is often sleep. Night after night, betrayed partners describe lying awake with racing hearts, restless minds, and a sense of dread that won’t quiet do
The Truth About Affair Recovery
Tim Tedder asks the hard question: What is the truth about affair recovery? Too often, people are given unrealistic promises on one end—“your marriage can definitely be saved”—or hopeless predictions on the other—“a satisfying relationship after infidelity is impossible.” Drawing from years of counseling experience, survey results, and conversations with fellow coaches, Tim explores why both extre
ILYBINILWY: “I’m not IN love with you.”
Few phrases hit harder than “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” In this episode, Tim Tedder explores what it really means, why it often shows up in the shadow of an affair, and how to respond with steadiness instead of panic. Discover when a relationship can be rebuilt—and when it may be time to let go.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction2:20 The Meaning of ILYBINILW05:40 In what conditions is
Multiple Affairs: The Couple
Can a marriage survive not just one affair, but dozens? In this episode, Ryan and Jen share their remarkable story of heartbreak, hard work, and the slow rebuilding of trust after years of betrayal.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction04:45 Conversation with Ryan and Jen19:00 Closing RemarksLINKS & EXTRASTruth Talk Courses: Truth Talk—Asking Questions and Truth Talk—Giving AnswersSign up for our Wee
Multiple Affairs: The Counselors
When infidelity happens more than once, recovery gets even harder. Therapists Tim Tedder and Jennifer Gingras unpack the challenges of multiple affairs—the unique characteristics and considerations for each partner. Honest, compassionate conversations for partners, strayers, and the professionals who support them.Whether you’re a partner trying to understand or the one who strayed, this podcast of
6 Affair Motives
Not all affairs start for the same reason. Discover the motives that drive infidelity and how each shapes the road to healing.Why do people have affairs? In this episode of The Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores six common motives behind infidelity—the Alarm, Exit, Quest, Revenge, Impulse, and Habit affairs. Drawing on illustrations and real-life examples, Tim explains how each motive takes shape,
SongTalk: Haunting of My Heart
A song of loss, longing, and lingering hope.In this episode, Tim Tedder and guest Betsy Prentice discuss The Haunting of My Heart—a song written from the perspective of a woman left behind after betrayal. They explore how music gives voice to heartbreak, memory, and the slow return of light after love is lost.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction03:05 Tim and Betsy talk about the song’s message of aband
Runaway Husbands Part 2
An abandoned wife talks about her experience and how she’s grown beyond the betrayal. Tim Tedder and Jennifer Gingras conclude their discussion of the book, Runaway Husbands.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction02:10 Elisa Talks about Her Abandonment11:10 Tim and Jennifer talk more about the book19:35 More from ElisaLINKSBook Review: Runaway Husbands https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/runaway-husbandsJ
Runaway Husbands Part 1
Discussing the book, Runaway Husbands, and its message to wives who have been unexpectedly abandoned, Tim Tedder and Jennifer Gingras give their input based on their experiences as affair recovery counselors and coaches.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction03:00 Overview of the book, Runaway Husbands10:30 Hallmarks of Wife Abandonment SyndromeLINKSBook Review: Runaway Husbands https://www.affairhealing.
Crossing the Line: Steps Into Infidelity
Explore the compromising choices and justifications that lead to infidelity. This episode examines two affairs to understand how this happens in real-life experiences, then considers what can be done when crossing lines affects your marriage.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction01:45 Compromises in Narnia04:20 Episode Overview5:00 Amanda’s Story11:35 Tim’s Story17:50 Applications and RecommendationsLINK
SongTalk: Lovely Fruit
The blinding pull of an affair and self-deception are explored as Tim Tedder and Suzanne Jahnke discuss "Lovely Fruit," a song Tim wrote to his former self.This episode offers more than just a conversation about music—it’s a personal reflection on brokenness and change. Whether you’ve experienced betrayal, made your own mistakes, or are simply interested in the process of learning from failure, yo
It Feels Like Love: The Neuroscience of Limerence
Learn about limerence, that “falling in love” feeling, from neuroscientist Dr. Tom Bellany in this candid conversation with therapists Tim Tedder and Sharon Barbour.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction01:35 What is limerence?06:20 Limerence and Love10:00 What's going on in the brain?15:10 What triggers limerence?19:27 Infidelity and Limerence23:10 Leaving Limerence32:24 Are some people more prone to li
The Ping Pong Effect
An honest consideration of the indecision between choosing your spouse or your affair partner, based on the personal experience and professional work of Tim Tedder, LMHC.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction02:05 A Story of Indecision05:45 The Damage of Indecision07:35 What Keeps You Stuck?11:30 What I Wish I’d Known12:40 Questions to Ask Yourself14:40 Making Space to Consider16:05 Regret and Opportunit
Gaslighting: You Make Me Crazy
A conversation about gaslighting: What is it? Where does the term come from? How does it show up in affair recovery? What should you do if you’re being gaslighted?EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction01:25 What is gaslighting?03:15 Origin of the term - exerpts from the movie, Gaslight 05:40 What gaslighting is not8:00 Gaslighting in affair recovery21:50 What to do if you’re being gaslighted31:15 Recomme
SongTalk: This Healing Place
The song “This Healing Place” is discussed by Tim Tedder, LMHC, and Suzanne Janke, LCSW, who consider the creative process and the song’s message of healing from the wounds of infidelity.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction02:45 Tim & Suzanne discuss the song30:50 Entire song: This Healing PlaceThis Healing Place Lyricswritten by Tim TedderCome as you are, bring pieces you’ve saved,Fragments of yo
Elisa’s Story 3: The Children, The AP
Part 3 of Elisa’s story, seven months after discovering her husband’s affair. She discusses dealing with her children and with the affair partner. This is part 3 of a 3-part interview conducted by Tim Tedder.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction 01:30 Elisa and her children18:40 Elisa and her husband’s affair partner25:00 The struggle and the hopeEXTRASIf you need help working through infidelity issues,
Elisa’s Story 2: Clarity, Pain, Choices
Part 2 of Elisa’s story, seven months after discovering her husband’s affair. This is part 2 of a 3-part interview conducted by Tim Tedder. Elisa talks about gaining a clearer perspective of her husband’s infidelity, experiencing grief and pain, and making hard choices for her future.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction00:50 Preview of Part 302:15 The Interview, Part 2EXTRASIf you need help working thr
Elisa’s Story 1: The Betrayal
Part 1 of Elisa’s story, seven months after discovering her husband’s affair. This is part 1 of a 3-part interview conducted by Tim Tedder.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction 00:50 Preview of Part 202:10 The Interview, Part 1EXTRASIf you need help working through infidelity issues, our coaches are available to work with you: https://affairhealing.com/infidelity-recovery-coaching.
Another Beginning
Listen to our official welcome to an all-new season of our podcast, focusing on affair recovery issues.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction 01:00 Opening comments between Tim Tedder, Sharon Barbour, and Jennifer Gingras02:10 Previewing the “Elisa” interviews 03:38 Previewing the This Healing Place song discussion 06:27 The three coaches discuss changes they’ve made in their affair recovery workLINKS &a
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