Proxy with Yowei Shaw
Proxy is a podcast that investigates niche emotional conundrums by finding someone who has lived through a similar experience and following the conversation that unfolds. Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host and producer of Invisibilia, it's described as emotional investigative journalism. New episodes are released every other Tuesday.
Episodes
Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex
The case of the asexual woman who wants romantic partnership with no sex. Taelor wants a partner who wants what she wants: closeness, commitment, emotional intimacy, a life together. Just not sex.But years of dating as an asexual woman has left Taelor wondering if what she wants is too specific to find. Does she keep trying? And if love without sex isn’t possible for her, how does she cop
Sam Doesn't Know How to Be Rich
The case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money.Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected.But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it.
Alex's Husband Is Too Straight
The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife. Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a tran
Yowei Can't Speak Bro
The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro.For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro bant
Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs
The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs. Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone. In this episode, Yowei f
Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head
The case of the writer whose inner narrator disappeared. For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive.Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared.Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even
Yowei Used to Hide Her Husband Kyle (from Love Letters)
Once upon a time, Yowei felt embarrassed to have a boyfriend—not because of him, but because of what it said about her. This story comes from the Love Letters podcast. Listen to more of their episodes here. Proxy is back with new cases every other Tuesday. Follow the show so you don’t miss the next one.New to Proxy? Start with Bisexual Wife Guy — it’s one of the clearest examples of what
Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro
The case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry. Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist.The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors s
Bob and the Forgiveness Spell
The case of the woman who wants to forgive her mom, but doesn't know how. Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because her mother deserves it. Not because Erin wants a relationship with her. But because Erin is tired of feeling so angry. The problem is, forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you release resentment toward someone who hurt you deeply? How do you stop being mad with
Yaroslava Can't Go Home
The case of the teenager who can't go home.Yaroslava was 16 when she woke up in Ukraine to the sound of explosions and had to flee her town in Ukraine. Now Yara is 19, living in New York, studying digital marketing, arranging flowers, and doing better. But her grandma is still back home. Her friends are scattered. And every time Yara starts to enjoy her life here, she feels guilty for not
The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match
The case of the introverts and extroverts who love each other, but sometimes can't stand each other. Why do some friends need constant contact, while others need three to five business days to text back? Why does one person’s “fun hang” feel like torture to another? And why does it hurt so much when the people we love have different ideas of what connection should look like?In this specia
An Estrangement Mystery
An Emotions Beat episode about the reasons that keep going missing. In family estrangement, there's a strange pattern that shows up again and again: adult children say they've explained why they need distance, while parents say they have no idea what went wrong. So where do the reasons go? In part 2 of our estrangement series, reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse talks with two therapists who
JC's Kids Won't Talk To Her
The case of the mother whose kids won’t talk to her.JC’s adult children have cut off contact with her. They’ve told her why. But JC still doesn’t understand what happened — or what, if anything, she’s supposed to do now.So reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse finds JC a proxy: Chess Dugas, a woman who cut off contact with her own parents and now talks publicly about estrangement on her YouTube
Alex and the Impossible Ask
The case of two podcasters who hated asking for money.Alex Goldman used to host Reply All. Yowei used to host Invisibilia. Now they both make independent podcasts — Alex with Hyperfixed, Yowei with Proxy — which means they now have to ask listeners for money all the time. The problem, is they hate doing this. In this episode, Yowei and Alex investigate the the great emotional conundrum of
Sandy and the Silence
An Emotions Beat investigation about what silence sounds like when your rights are under attack. After Trump’s reelection, Sandy Ernest Allen watched attacks on trans rights escalate — and waited for more cis people to say something. Check in. Show up. Make noise. But mostly, he heard silence.Then Sandy did something counterintuitive. Instead of asking why people didn’t care, he asked cis
How to Cope with Now
An Emotions Beat episode about how to keep caring without falling apart.Anya Kamenetz was having trouble coping with the state of the world. So she decided to report on those feelings. In this episode, Yowei talks with Anya about what she's learned from scientists, activists, psychologists, and thinkers about how to live through crises upon crises. Together, they investigate compassion fa
Zakiya Used to Be So Fun
The case of the people person who fell out of love with people. Zakiya Gibbons used to love strangers, nightlife, and somehow always ending up on a boat. Then lockdown happened. And somewhere in that solitude, Zakiya discovered something alarming: she loved being alone. And when the world opened back up, the things that used to light her up — parties, small talk, new people — made her anx
Amanda and the Nonstop Narrator
The case of the writer whose inner narrator will not shut up.Amanda Montell is very good at telling stories. So good, in fact, she can’t seem to stop telling them — even to herself.Amanda has what she calls a “Storymaker” in her head: an internal narrator constantly shaping her life into scenes, arcs, jokes, metaphors, and meaning. Most of the time, it’s fun. It makes life feel cinematic.
Brian Can't Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-Law
The case of the reporter who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law.Brian’s mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives with his family. He loves her. He knows she can’t help misremembering things. And still, when she says something that isn’t true, he corrects her. In this episode, Yowei connects Brian with Claudia Drossell, a psychologist who works with caregivers of people with dementi
Is It Time To Break Up the Band?
The case of the bandmates who can't finish their record and don't know why.Evan and Chris are best friends, bandmates, and creative partners. Years ago, their band The Superweaks was on the verge of breaking out. Then Evan's brother Corey — the band's bassist — died suddenly, and the band never recovered. Now they have a record that's almost done. Just a few vocals left. But it's been stu
Aparna and the Self-Loathing Introvert
The case of the introvert who keeps waiting for personality puberty to hit.For most of her life, Yowei saw her introversion as a character flaw to fix. Then Yowei read Unreliable Narrator by comedian Aparna Nancherla and realized she wasn't the only one who felt this way. In this episode, Yowei talks introvert-to-introvert with Aparna about self-loathing, performance, the extrovert ideal,
Mic Chooses the Wrong Life
The case of the man who can't stop regretting the life he didn’t choose.Mic Nguyen was supposed to be a doctor. Becoming a doctor meant stability, respect, and making his parents proud.Instead, Mic became a comedian and advertising creative. He loves his life. But whenever money feels tight or work feels uncertain, the old question comes back: did he mess up by not going to medical school
Bisexual Wife Guy
The case of the bisexual wife guy who got dumped.George was married to a woman he loved. Then she came out as bisexual and left the marriage. George is happy for her. But he's also heartbroken, confused, and stuck with questions he doesn’t feel allowed to ask.In this episode, Yowei connects George with Hanna Rosin, who has lived a version of this story from the other side. Together, they
The Utility of Self-Delusion (and Big Show Update)
Yowei shares exciting show news and goes on a self-delusion bender with the team at Proxy HQ. Is she being delusional? Or is delusion just necessary for starting any new project?From the episode: — Useful Delusions: The Power & Paradox of the Self-Deceiving Brain by Shankar Vedantam— Radiotopia from PRXNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy, one of the clearest examples of what this show
The Group That Gets It
An Emotions Beat episode about why we suffer alone — and what happens when we don’t.For years, Jason Yu struggled with skin picking in secret. He didn’t have a name for what was happening. He didn’t know other people dealt with it too. And he felt like if he just had more willpower, he should be able to stop.Then, after eight years of shame and isolation, Jason found a support group.In th
Is there anything we can actually do about polarization?
An Emotions Beat episode about why we hate the other side — and what that hate does to us.A week before the election, Yowei talks with social psychologist Jay Van Bavel about political sectarianism: the emotional force that turns political disagreement into disgust, fear, and moral certainty that the other side is not just wrong, but evil. The question is not whether politics matter. The
So many tears but what do they say?
An Emotions Beat episode about why we cry — and what other people are supposed to do about it.After Yowei got laid off, she cried a lot. In bathrooms, at conferences, at birthday parties, and in moments when she desperately did not want to cry in front of other people.So what is actually happening in that moment — when your eyes burn, your throat tightens, and your body starts sending a s
Did we make our goal???
Finally, a campaign reveal. Did we get additional funding to hire Kim for more hours? Plus, some updates for what’s in store for Proxy. New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy, one of the clearest examples of what this show does, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a funny investigation into male friendship, bro-speak, and emotional translation.
The Mechanics and Magic of Ritual
An Emotions Beat episode about why rituals work — and what they have to do with Proxy.When Yowei first started pitching Proxy, ritual was part of the concept. Proxy conversations, proxy rituals, “proxuals” — it was a whole thing. She eventually ditched the ritual component because no one understood what she was talking about.But after making a layoff music video in a Kleenex box costume,
Psychodrama: The 2nd Oldest Psychotherapy You've Never Heard Of, But Have Definitely Tried
An Emotions Beat episode about the surprisingly real feelings that can come from acting. Yowei has a problem: she’s making a show built around proxy conversations, but she still doesn’t totally know how to explain what’s happening inside them.So she turns to psychodrama — an experiential therapy that uses role play, theater, and psychology to help people say the things they didn’t get to
Connor Ratliff's Dead Eyes
An Emotions Beat episode about Dead Eyes, Tom Hanks, and why proxy conversations work.Yowei is still trying to answer a basic question about her own show: why would talking to a stranger who wasn’t there help someone get unstuck?So she calls Connor Ratliff, the actor and comedian behind Dead Eyes — a podcast about the time Tom Hanks fired him from Band of Brothers for allegedly having “de
Survivor, Meet Proxy Offender
Content note: This episode discusses sexual violence.An Emotions Beat episode about proxy conversations, restorative jusice, and the questions we may never get to ask. Yowei has a problem. She's having trouble explaining the show to people who don't get it. She knows proxy conversations work. But why would talking to someone who wasn’t directly involved in your situation help you feel le
The Layoff Trilogy 3: HR by Proxy
The case of the couple who want answers from HR.Months after Elliot was laid off, he and his husband Miles were still angry — not just about the layoff, but about the way it happened. The smiling HR rep. The severance paperwork no one explained. The desk he wasn’t allowed to pack up. The coffee spilled all over his belongings.They had questions they couldn’t ask the actual HR person witho
The Layoff Trilogy 2: Danger Day
Please note: This story contains brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. After Elliot was suddenly laid off, his husband Miles kept working at the same company — in the same office, with the same HR rep, under the same threat
The Layoff Trilogy 1: Layoff Girl
When Yowei got laid off from NPR, she knew all the rational things. It was a business decision. It wasn’t about her performance. She had savings, severance, and support.So why did it still feel like getting rejected by the entire life she’d built?In the first episode of Proxy, Yowei investigates why layoffs can feel so emotionally devastating — even when you know, intellectually, that it’
Welcome to Proxy
It’s the knot you can’t untangle — a problem so specific, it makes you feel alone. But what if you could talk to someone who gets it? On Proxy, we find someone with the closest possible experience to your problem — and follow the conversation that unfolds. It’s not therapy. It’s emotional investigative journalism.Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host of Invisibilia.New to Proxy? Try Bisexu
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