Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice helps listeners uncover the stuck spots in their relationships by taking expert advice from three licensed professional counselors and boiling it down into digestible tips and tools. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren help people to see that the first step to connecting with somebody else is by connecting with you. They focus their show on understanding and navigating the cycles that couples face, how to practice individuation, and staying in an emotionally regulated state. Just them each week as they come with a jam packed agenda to help you thrive in your relationships.
Episodes
Quick Advice: HALT
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What Happens When We Betray Ourselves With Jessica Pressler
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Why do we so often find ourselves repeating the same painful relational patterns even after promising to choose differently?
In this episode, therapist and author Jessica Anne Pressler joins us to unpack how early protective survival strategies can evolve into adult self-sabotage. By shifting our attention from dissecting a partner's fl
Why Anxious And Avoidant Attachment Styles Aren't Red Flags with Dr. Diane Heller
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In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter talks with Dr. Diane Heller about anxious, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized attachment patterns. They explore why these pat
How Neurodivergence Plays a Role In Relationships
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When everyday friction is automatically read as a lack of effort or affection, couples often get trapped in painful, defensive loops. How do we move away from assigning negative intent and toward honoring the literal differences in how our brains process the world?
In this episode, we unpack how neurodivergent traits—like executive dysf
Stop Saying "I Feel Bad"
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In this episode of Quick Advice, Colter and Cayla jump into why one partner might just say "I feel bad" rather than tapping into the emotion they are actually feeling. It can be frustrating for both partner! Let's discuss.
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How to Use Practical Intuition to Transform Your Relationships with Laura Day
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How often do we stay trapped in repetitive relational friction, assuming the answers lie entirely within our overthinking minds?
In this episode, author and intuitive consultant Laura Day joins the show to demystify intuition as a grounded, practical tool for human connection. We explore how moving away from protective internal loops to
Why Saying the Right Things Still Feels Wrong - QUICK ADVICE with Dr. Sue Morter
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Let's discuss why energy feels off and why saying the right thing doesn't always lead to the outcomes we want.
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Why Couples Stop Having Sex (And How to Fix It) with George Faller
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Why do couples so often fall into standoffs where one partner needs emotional closeness to feel physical desire, while the other needs physical touch to feel emotionally open?
In this episode, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) trainer and author George Faller joins us to unpack how stress, polyvagal state shifts, and distinct attachment c
Charisma Is A Real Thing With Olivia Fox Cabane: QUICK ADVICE
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Let's talk about the three components of charisma, why it differs from liability, and how you can learn it!
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Decoding the Digital Age with Bridget Todd
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Can artificial intelligence ever truly replace the messy, necessary friction that defines genuine human intimacy?
While emerging technology promises seamless interactions and shortcut solutions to interpersonal conflict, relying on smooth algorithms can quietly erode the reciprocity and vulnerability required for deep bonds. In this episo
Why Do People Cheat? QUICK ADVICE with Dr. Glenn Hutchinson
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What We Can Learn From Pursuers
Is the partner who constantly pushes for conversation actually protecting your relationship?
While pursuers often get labeled as demanding or hyper-vigilant, their relentless focus on connection holds vital lessons for withdrawing spouses. In this episode, we explore how shifting from defensive withdrawal to active engagement turns relational friction into a catalyst for deeper safety and intimac
Would You Get Rid Of "Fear" If You Could?
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Would you get rid of fear if you had the choice? In this episode, we explore what fear actually is, why it exists, and how it affects us both physically and psychologically. We also discuss the evolutionary purpose of fear, when it becomes maladaptive, and how tools like mindfulness, deep breathing, cognitive reframing, e
Why Relationships Make Us Feel Like Children Again
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Why do our deepest relationship conflicts have the power to make us feel like children again? In this episode, we explore how interactions with partners and family members can activate old attachment wounds, causing us to regress into familiar patterns like protesting, people-pleasing, shutting down, or pulling away. We also
The Power of Caring with Dr. Tony Nader
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Dr. Tony Nader joins the podcast to explore ideas from his book, The Power of Caring, and how deeper self-awareness can transform the way we connect with others. He explains how our mind-body tendencies, subconscious patterns, and inner state influence communication, emotional needs, and conflict within relationships. By car
What if we are incompatible?
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Why do the same conflicts keep showing up in our relationships, even when the surface issue changes? In this episode, we explore how everyday disagreements can activate childhood attachment wounds, leading us to protest, withdraw, or protect ourselves from connection. Learn how self-awareness, co-regulation, and healing rela
Healing Attachment - What Pursuers and Withdrawers Need To Work On In Individual Therapy
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Healing attachment wounds begins with understanding how early relationships shaped the ways we seek connection, respond to conflict, and protect ourselves from rejection. In this episode, we explore how insecure attachment patterns can show up in adult relationships—and why healing requires more than simply finding the “right”
Breaking Old Patterns for Deeper Love with Stefanos Sifandos
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In this episode, we talk with Stefanos Sifandos about how old wounds, relational patterns, and emotional reactivity can shape the way we show up in love. He shares why healthy relationships require self-awareness, repair, and a willingness to take responsibility for the patterns we bring into connection. This conversation explores ho
Relational Injuries
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Today we dive into Relational Injuries! Relational injuries come in all kinds of relationships and we will cover what it is, and how it happens. We explore the distinction between relational injuries and typical relationship challenges. And we will teach you how to recognize when a situation escalates to a relational injury.
What Our Withdrawer Spouse Can Teach Us
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In this episode, we explore what pursuers can learn from withdrawer partners instead of seeing them as the “problem” in the relationship. Withdrawers often bring steadiness, pacing, self-regulation, and a needed reminder that not every issue has to be solved immediately. When pursuers can appreciate these differences, couples can m
How To Treat Trauma
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In this episode, we talk about what trauma treatment actually looks like and why healing is not as simple as “telling the story” or getting the memory out of your brain.
Trauma is not only stored as information. It is often held in the body, in our nervous system, and in the protective responses we learned in order to survive. Bec
How To Know If They Are "The One"
How do you know when someone is truly the person you want to build a life with?
In this episode, we talk about the big question so many people ask in dating: How do I know if they’re “the one”? We share how we each knew with our own partners, then walk through the real-life markers that can help you understand the long-term viability of a relationship.
In this episode, we explore:
Shared va
What Is Trauma?
[2:13 PM]This week on Relationship Advice we dive deep into the definition of trauma and its profound impact on our lives. In this episode, we unravel the essence of trauma, defining it as anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, persistently leaving unmet needs in its wake. Join us as we explore the lines between the body and trauma, where we experience freezing feelings, securing them in m
How To Stop Jealousy From Sabotaging Your Relationship
Jealousy and envy can feel shameful, but they often reveal important fears, longings, and unmet needs beneath the surface. In this episode, we explore the difference between jealousy, the fear of losing something we already have, and envy, the pain of wanting something we do not feel like we have. We also talk through how to slow these emotions down, bring them to your partner with vulnerability,
Emotional Regulation and Why It’s Important In Relationships: Part 2
In part two of our Emotional Regulation series, we’re talking all about co-regulation — how to regulate with your partner, friend, or someone you trust.While some people naturally want closeness and support when they’re overwhelmed, others need space before they’re ready to connect. In this episode, we break down why both independent regulation and co-regulation matter, how to know what your partn
Connection vs Safety
In this episode, we talk about how couples can use simple “scales” to better understand each other’s energy, desire, and capacity. Instead of assuming what your partner means when they seem tired, anxious, disconnected, or resistant, naming where you are can turn confusion into context. These tools help couples move out of all-or-nothing thinking and into clearer, more generous communication.
M
Emotional Regulation and Why It’s Important In Relationships: Part 1
Today we are discussing what it really means to regulate. You know that feeling when you are suddenly not quite in control of yourself? Maybe your body gets tense, your thoughts start moving fast, your tone shifts, or you feel like you might say or do something you would not normally say or do. That is often a sign that your nervous system is activated and needs support.In this episode, Cayla, Col
Anger in Relationships
Anger can feel disruptive in relationships, but it often shows up for a reason: it signals that something important feels blocked, unfair, or violated. In this episode, we explore how anger can either push partners into blame, shutdown, and disconnection, or help clarify needs, values, and boundaries when it’s expressed with regulation. The goal isn’t to get rid of anger, but to understand it, low
‘You Can’t Do This’ Is NOT A Boundary
If there is one thing to know about boundaries, it is that a boundary is not about what you need somebody else to do. It is about what you are going to do in response to somebody else’s behavior. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss boundaries from a psychotherapeutic lens and give tools for how to better communicate boundaries.
Main Talking Points:
Our bodies are the indicator for when we ne
Withdrawers: When Keeping the Peace Backfires
In this episode, the crew dives into the “withdrawer” role in relationships and how rigid, all-or-nothing responses can quietly create disconnection. They unpack why withdrawers often appease, shut down, or avoid conflict altogether — not because they don’t care, but because disappointing their partner feels intolerable. The conversation explores healthier alternatives to passive or rigid boundari
Before You Pack: The Conversations Every Couple Needs Before Vacation
Vacation stress usually isn’t about the trip itself — it’s about the unspoken expectations couples bring into it. In this episode, the hosts unpack the conversations that can completely change the tone of a vacation before you ever leave the driveway: money, planning, intimacy, parenting, downtime, technology, and more. They explore how different nervous systems, personalities, and expectations ca
Finding Secure Attachment with Trevor Hanson
This week we are joined by Trevor Hanson who shares his personal journey from anxious attachment and relationship struggles to becoming a therapist focused on helping others build secure attachment. He emphasizes that real transformation comes through emotional experiences—not just information—and outlines a structured approach to rewiring attachment patterns. Through practical tools like self-val
Everything That Comes Before Intimacy with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith
What does “true intimacy” actually mean—and why do so many couples feel disconnected even when they love each other? In this episode, we sit down with Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and co-authors of Building True Intimacy, to unpack the deeper layers of connection most relationships are missing.
We dive into their Intimacy Pyramid™ framework—a powerful model that ex
When To End A Relationship
Ending a relationship is rarely about one big moment—it’s usually a pattern that keeps repeating despite effort, conversations, and growing awareness. This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal relationship challenges that can be worked through and deeper signs of incompatibility or emotional disconnection. We talk about what it looks like when one or both partners stop showin
Don’t Punish the Vulnerability You’ve Been Begging For
This episode explores the common relationship dynamic where one partner struggles to share vulnerably, and when they finally do, they’re met with criticism, correction, or defensiveness. The hosts explain how these responses unintentionally “punish” vulnerability and reinforce shutdown patterns, even when connection is what both partners want. They emphasize playing the long game—creating safety t
Attachment Styles on First Dates (What to Watch For)
This episode explores how attachment styles subtly show up on first dates and what to watch for without overanalyzing every interaction. The hosts emphasize that instead of trying to “screen perfectly,” the real work is understanding your own attachment patterns and how they influence who you’re drawn to. By noticing communication patterns, emotional pacing, and responses to vulnerability, you can
Stop Saying "Calm Down"—Do This Instead
Telling someone to “calm down” usually does the opposite—it makes people feel dismissed, misunderstood, and even more activated. In this episode, the hosts explore why that phrase backfires in moments of anger, anxiety, disappointment, or excitement, and why it often comes from the other person feeling overwhelmed too. They unpack a better approach: co-regulation through validation, steady presenc
The Mental Load in Relationships (Why It Causes Stress)
The mental load in relationships refers to the invisible work of planning, remembering, organizing, and anticipating what needs to happen in a household or family. When one partner carries more of this cognitive responsibility, it can lead to stress, resentment, and the feeling that the other partner assumes things “magically” get done. Couples can reduce conflict by communicating openly about exp
Navigating Friendship Conflict & Changing Friendship
Friendships change as people grow, and those shifts can bring up grief, confusion, frustration, or fear.In this episode, we unpack how growth, life transitions, shifting values, and changing capacity can create tension in friendships, and why our first instinct is often to fix, judge, withdraw, or take it personally. We talk about how asking better questions, staying open instead of defensive, and
Motivation To Change In Relationships
Most relationships start with “I love you, you’re perfect”… and quickly turn into wanting your partner to change. The real problem isn’t usually whether they want to change—it’s that change is rarely A→B; it’s a process that requires understanding barriers, reducing shame, and building support. When couples shift from criticism to curiosity and create small, doable systems together, motivation inc
Emotional Availability
Emotional availability isn’t about feeling emotions loudly or perfectly — it’s about presence, regulation, and the ability to hold space without shutting down or exploding. Our capacity shifts based on stress, attachment history, neurodivergence, and what’s happening in our window of tolerance. Instead of hunting for the “perfectly available” partner, growth starts with understanding your own patt
If I Have To Ask, It Doesn't Count
Why does it feel so disappointing to ask for what you want? In this episode, we unpack the hidden belief that “if I have to ask, it doesn’t count” — and how that mindset turns simple needs (compliments, celebration, affection) into silent resentment. We explore the shame, fear of failure, childhood triggers, and meaning-making underneath it all — and how shifting from mind-reading to curiosity can
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Couples Values Construction for 2026
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Why Everyone Thinks Their Partner Is a Narcissist
When someone says, “I think my partner is a narcissist,” they’re usually not chasing a diagnosis—they’re trying to make sense of a relationship that feels controlling, confusing, and painful. This episode slows it way down and compares narcissism with insecure attachment patterns (pursuer/withdrawer) and neurodivergence, since the impact can look similar even when the why is totally different. The
Behind Every Criticism There Is A Request: QUICK ADVICE
Couples Values Construction for 2026
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Psychology of the State of the World
There’s been a wave of major U.S. events stirring up big emotions, and this episode stays out of political commentary to focus on how people psychologically respond—in themselves, in relationships, and online. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous-system activation, bias, privilege/positionality, and “defensive attribution” can shape what we believe, how safe we feel, and h
What Makes You Great At Your Job Makes You Suck At Relationships: QUICK ADVICE
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The Art of Negotiation with Kwame Christian
Negotiation isn’t a “business skill” — it’s an everyday relationship skill. Today we sit down TED Talk speaker, best-selling author, and podcast host of Negotiate Anything, Kwame Christian. He is recognized as one of the world's top negotiation experts, and he got good at it by treating tough conversations like a learnable muscle (not a personality trait).
He breaks great negotiation down into t
Stop Your Next Fight Dead In It’s Tracks: QUICK ADVICE
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Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.
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Why Your Partner's Body Image Matters More Than You Think - Interview with Samantha Jerome
Body image isn’t just “how you look”—it’s how you feel in your body, and that inner experience can quietly shape conflict, closeness, sex, and day-to-day connection in a relationship. Today, we sit down with Samantha Jerome (registered dietitian nutritionist + certified diabetes educator) reframes “health” as a whole-person process—food, movement, sleep, stress, relationships, creativity—and warns
State Of The World: QUICK ADVICE
Couples Values Construction for 2026
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The Fourth Pillar Of A Secure Relationship (Reach & Respond)
Reaching and responding is the core interaction that helps couples move out of stuck, negative cycles and back toward connection. A reach is an imperfect, vulnerable sharing from the heart, and a response is a soft, attuned way of catching that vulnerability with empathy and curiosity. When couples practice this repeatedly—especially during repair after conflict—they create safety, deepen understa
Two Date Rule and Testing The Waters In Dating: QUICK ADVICE
Couples Values Construction for 2026
Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.
HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026
Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10
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14 hours of relationship con
The Third Pillar Of A Secure Relationship (Knowing Your Cycle)
In this episode, we explore what a negative relationship cycle is and why couples get stuck repeating the same patterns during conflict. We explain how protective moves like criticism, shutdown, fixing, or withdrawal are attempts to regain safety—not signs that one partner is “the problem.” Knowing your cycle helps partners slow things down, take accountability for their part, and reduce shame. Th
Safety In Sameness: Quick Advice
Couples Values Construction for 2026
Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.
HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026
Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10
Get $100 off Spark My Relationship
14 hours of relationship con
The Second Pillar Of A Secure Relationship (Individuation)
In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the second pillar of a secure relationship: individuation—the idea that what it’s like to be me is different than what it’s like to be you.
They explore how differences in processing, upbringing, values, and sensory experiences can turn from “cute quirks” into major points of conflict when partners feel right/wrong instead of just different. You’
Marriage 2026: QUICK ADVICE
Couples Values Construction for 2026
Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.
HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026
Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10
Get $100 off Spark My Relationship
14 hours of relationship con
The First Pillar of A Secure Relationship (Window of Tolerance)
Window of Tolerance helps explain why one partner often wants to keep talking while the other shuts down, speeds up, or feels totally overwhelmed.
In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous systems have different thresholds, what it looks like to be inside vs. outside your window, and why both partners are usually dysregulated in conflict—just in opposite ways. You’ll learn ho
How To Fix Disconnection in 2026: QUICK ADVICE
Couples Values Construction for 2026
Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.
HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026
Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10
Get $100 off Spark My Relationship
14 hours of relationship content
Starting Fresh: New Year Intentions for a Stronger Relationship
In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla explore why we latch onto birthdays and the New Year as chances to “start fresh,” and why traditional resolutions so often fall flat. They share personal stories about resolutions that worked and didn’t, and offer a more flexible approach rooted in values, season-of-life awareness, and gentle recalibration instead of all-or-nothing goals. You’ll hear prac
Bridging the Gap: Healing Pursuer/Withdrawer Misunderstandings
In this episode, we break down the pursuer–withdrawer dynamic and why partners so often misunderstand each other during conflict. We explore how our nervous systems, personal histories, and internal stories shape the meaning we make of our partner’s behavior. By slowing down and getting curious, couples can interrupt the cycle and create more connection instead of escalating disconnection.
Main T
Are You Enabling Or Helping? And What's The Difference?
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This episode explores the subtle but important difference between caring for someone and caretaking for them — and why crossing that line can create resentment, burnout, or dependency in relationships. The hosts break down how good intention
Why Good People Have Affairs
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This episode explores why affairs happen even among people who genuinely value their relationships and never imagined crossing that line. The hosts break down the emotional, psychological, and relational dynamics that make secrecy, novelty,
How Two Therapists Got Into A Fight and How They Repaired
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Main Talking Points:
Today we dissect a conflict that Colter and Cayla get into. Spoiler alert, it took us a couple of conversations to get back onto the same p
When the Holidays Aren't So Merry
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In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla open up about how the holidays can bring up grief, loneliness, or stress instead of joy. They share personal stories
Managing Your Boundaries with Family Over the Holidays
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The holidays can bring a mix of love, laughter, and a little chaos. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren talk about what happens when family dynamics, politics, and expectations collide at the dinner table—and how to stay grounded through
People Pleasing and When You Get Invited To Chilli's
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Colter, Cayla, and Lauren explore the roots, costs, and recovery process of people pleasing, highlighting how it often stems from fear of conflict, guilt, or learned conditioning. The hosts discuss the emotional and relational toll—li
Has Psychobabble Infiltrated Our Culture? A conversation with Joe Nucci
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In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter and Cayla sit down with therapist and author Joe Nucci to unpack themes from his book Psychobabble. They dive into common therapy-related myths—like the idea that “everyone needs therap
How To Navigate Family Drama Part 2 - In Laws
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Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack the tricky dynamics of navigating family drama—especially with in-laws—through relatable stories, humor, and therapy-based insight. They explore how couples often get caught in “who’s right” battles
How To Navigate Family Drama
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In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the messy reality of family differences—why gatherings can trigger us, how long-held “rules of the game” shape family conflict, and what we can do to stay grounded when things get he
Creating A Positive Cycle
In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren break down how to shift your relationship from reactivity to rhythm by learning to create a positive cycle. You’ll hear the story of Andrea and Marcus—a couple stuck in familiar patterns—who begin transforming conflict through small, intentional changes like naming their stories and taking ownership instead of reacting. From practical tools like “the stor
How To Find Safe Attachment with Jessica Baum
Jessica Baum shares her personal journey through anxiety and depression that led her into studying attachment theory and writing her books. She explains how cultural messages about independence often conflict with our biological need for connection, and how healing happens through safe, consistent relationships. Her work emphasizes the importance of “anchors”—people who can provide presence, safet
Why Can't They Just Get Over It
This episode looks at why your partner might struggle to “just get over” something that feels small to you. Often, their reaction isn’t really about the forgotten text or missed plan—it’s about old wounds from times they felt invisible or unimportant. Instead of brushing it off, the episode shows how empathy and repair can turn these moments into opportunities for deeper connection.
Colter, Cay
How To Love Withdrawers Well
Most people have experienced moments of withdrawal or disconnection in relationships, especially during conflict. For some, these patterns can create misunderstandings and distance. No matter your role in the dynamic—whether pursuer or withdrawer—we can all benefit from deeper connection and greater emotional safety. Listen to today's show to learn how to support your withdrawer partner, foster se
How To Love Pursuers Well
This episode from Relationship Advice, hosts Colter, Lauren, and Cayla lean into the dynamics of pursuer-withdrawer relationships, focusing on how to understand and support pursuers effectively. As part of a broader series on relational dynamics, this episode emphasizes recognizing attachment needs, addressing raw spots, and providing proactive care to build healthier, more connected relationships
What No One Told You Would Change Your Relationship After Having a Baby with Rachel Shepard Ohta
This episode explores how having a baby reshapes a couple’s relationship in ways few anticipate, from sleep deprivation and shifting roles to unexpected emotional triggers. Rachel shares her own experiences of disconnection, especially after her second child, and normalizes the challenges couples face when intimacy and teamwork take a hit. She emphasizes adjusting expectations, understanding tempe
Fear of Rejection
Fear of rejection is one of the biggest hurdles in dating, often holding people back from putting themselves out there or forming deeper connections. In this episode, we unpack where this fear comes from, how it ties into past experiences and self-worth, and why rejection is not as personal as it feels. We also share practical ways to shift your perspective, build resilience, and approach dating w
Fear of Intimacy
This episode unpacks the fear of intimacy—why closeness can feel good yet terrifying at the same time. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren explore how fear of intimacy shows up in subtle and obvious ways, from ghosting and over-picking flaws to struggling with vulnerability in relationships. They also highlight how childhood experiences, trauma, and personal wiring shape this fear, and offer hope that with
Navigating Friendship Conflict
This episode dives into the often-overlooked complexities of friendship conflict and breakups, highlighting that friendships can be just as emotionally significant—and challenging—as romantic relationships. The hosts discuss common causes of tension, from mismatched expectations and life transitions to breaches of trust, unmet needs, and changes in values. They share strategies for addressing disc
Sensory Profiles & Sexual Intimacy w/ Dr. Sarah Anderson
In this episode, Dr. Sarah Anderson returns to explore how sensory processing patterns impact physical and sexual intimacy. The hosts use a creative "readiness for sex" scale to frame how sensory input—like lighting, texture, sound, and smell—can act as either accelerators or brakes for sexual connection. By understanding your own and your partner’s sensory profile, couples can communicate better,
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