The Horror Virgin
Each week, horror fan Paige guides Horror Virgin Todd through the encyclopedia of horror movies, one film at a time. They discuss classics and fan favorites, with occasional new releases, while Mikey adds inappropriate jokes and Todd reacts with jump scares. The podcast is filled with spoilers, tangents, and irreverent fun.
Episodes
448 - IT Part 1 (1990)
“We're living at the end of an empire, and we're just going to have to get through it. And thank God A24 is here to help.”This week’s scariest movie is... It Part One. This film has everything: trademarked clown faces, forehead-stabbing greaser bangs, And French hair bikinis. If you love pre-sewer inhaler bumps, ass-first spider snacks, and HPV friendship pacts, this episode’s for you!Ple
447 - The Monster Squad
“Dracula is the Ted Kaczynski of this movie. I'm sick of not saying it.” This week’s scariest movie is... The Monster Squad. This film has everything: vampire-based church outreach, Frenchie-wolf breathing problems, And copyright-compliant forehead bolts. If you love Swiper-grade bow theft, Town Hall swamp frontage, and preteen monster-hunting LLCs, this episode’s for you! Please Subscrib
446 - Ghostwatch
“The problem is, there are too many pussies in the glory hole.”This week’s scariest movie is... Ghost Watch. This film has everything: manosphere bedroom logic, haunted throats, And infallible police witnesses. If you love cat-insulated council houses, Chekhov’s thermal cameras, and 1992 haunted-house AI, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help
445 - One cut of the Dead
“This should be a PSA for make weird shit with your friends.”This week’s scariest movie is... One Cut of the Dead. This film has everything: emergency houseplant compost, slap-induced awakenings, And Kubrick-level lunar commitment. If you love second-act title cards, vomit continuity, and human-pyramid cinematography, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Vi
444 - Creep 2
“Murderers can't be choosers.”This week's scariest movie is... Creep 2. This film has everything: erotic wolf cosplay, one-legged worm shaking, And trolley-problem morality. If you love serial-killer fridge art, wrong-face lockets, and nine-view existential crises, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community.What d
443 - Lake Mungo
“Ma'am, what do you think your daughter looked like?”This week’s scariest movie is... Lake Mungo. This film has everything: paranormal water features, quarterly backyard photo reviews, And the world’s most committed dam enthusiast. If you love Jurassic Park forensics, July 6th conspiracies, and Nokia found footage, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgi
442 - Companion
“That’s the reason Jack Quaid named his Goo Goo doll Iris.”This week’s scariest movie is... Companion. This film has everything: robot breakups, Toaster Targeted victory speeches, And an LLM that can give you hand jibbers. If you love electric-corkscrew morality tales, premium meet-cute loot boxes, and High School Musical class warfare, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and R
441 - Backrooms
“Too much labyrinth, not enough Bowie.”This week’s scariest movie is... Backrooms. This film has everything: Lightning Plumbers, Sappy Blood, and your uncle’s worst vacation shirt. If you love IKEA survival plans, out-of-network pirates, and Medieval Times thirst traps, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community.W
440 - Obsession
“It’s kind of like an incel found a monkey’s paw.”This week’s scariest movie is... Obsession. This film has everything: Cinderblock cockblocking, post-traumatic stress dinners, And white-picket-fence lives built on questionably enchanted chemistry. If you love Calvin Klein horror fragrances, music-store staffing conspiracies, and Canadian Fruitopia dealers, this episode’s for you!Please S
439 - Hell House LLC 2
“It’s clearly haunted. You dodged a bullet. Don’t chase that bullet down.”This week’s scariest movie is... Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel. This film has everything: hotel-fucking ghost hunters, rocket-scientist sex magic, And selectively enforced body-cam rules. If you love drop-ceiling gallows, Go Fish jam bands, and arguments held safely outside, this episode’s for you!Please Subs
438 - Independence Day
“Alien King George can go fuck yourself.”This week's scariest movie is... Independence Day. This film has everything: Fruitopia Breakthroughs, Dolphin Wives, And a movie so good there is No Way it's a Michael Bay Film. If you love 90s smoke shows, holy pigeon plot logic, and alien ship nipples, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people
437 - Mars Attacks!
“We are not going to win against people who smoke nukes.”This week's scariest movie is... Mars Attacks! This film has everything: aggressive Martian accents, capitalist bike baskets, And cape-couture command structures. If you love failed cow barbecues, fully glazed donut prophets, and trickle-down chandeliers, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to
436 - Apollo 18
“Rocks are only hard if you're touching them.” This week's scariest movie is... Apollo 18. This film has everything: B-52 moon crabs, "landliens", And Lennart Ruth’s space steakhouse. If you love Party City strobe lights, moon-cavern Nazis, and cameras with first names, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community.
435 - Life
“This is 40 minutes of story in a two hour bag.”This week’s scariest movie is... Life. This film has everything: terribly timed funerals, aliens in trucker hats, And a starfish Borg. If you love space claw machines, Goodnight Moon emergencies, and quadrupedal animal debates, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our commun
434 - No One Will Save You
“Have you heard the good news about Space Pope?"This week’s scariest movie is... No One Will Save You. This film has everything: nine-hat endings, tall gray nerds, And Raccoon and Fat Squirrel chaos. If you love memory noodles, miniature-town murder weapons, and UFOs with Cheesecake Factory menu vision, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help mo
433 - Alien: Resurrection
"This sets up that the alien universe has a space Pope."The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Alien Resurrection. This film has everything: space’s least safe weapons program. Vengeful raccoon xenomorphs. And lava being asked to do ice’s job. If you love loose hybrids, Space Pope theology, and science that loses a fight with basic temperature, this episode's for you!Please S
432 - Mother!
“Worst Danzig biopic ever.”This week’s scariest movie is... Mother! This film has everything: Another, another testament of Jesus Christ, Monkey Ghosts, And an anti-Jesus TED Talk. If you love Sunday School pamphlet subtlety, Sherwin-Williams therapy sessions, and Garden of Eden doorknob murders, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more peop
431 - Constantine
"Battlefield Earth for Christians.”This week’s scariest movie is... Constantine. This film has everything: the would-be Nick Fury of the Christian Expanded Universe, John Constantine the Baptist, And your parents’ smug satisfaction. If you love holy brass knuckles, kitty-powered trips to hell, and fake relics with real confidence, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review
430 - Exhuma
“Did you just read me a recipe for snake oil?”This week's scariest movie is... Exhuma. This film has everything: three foxes in a trench coat, Pavlov’s chicken, And a demon so powerful even an atheist won’t open the coffin. If you love salt-smashing rituals, sweet-fish, and dirt sommeliers, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people dis
429 - Saint Maud
“She’s got those like, have you heard the good news eyes.”This week’s scariest movie is... Saint Maud. This film has everything: Maudie Sue vibes, red-bottom Skechers, And blood-atonement déjà vu. If you love Welsh roach gods, Coney Island confusion, and moon-charged holy water, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our co
428 - Anaconda
“He's going to treat you like a chalice.”This week's scariest movie is... Anaconda. This film has everything: Gingery Anna Jones, Serious Scooby Doo villains, And perfectly wrong movie decisions. If you love eagle-screaming snakes, monkey-blood bait buckets, and butt-powered vertical leaps, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people dis
427 - Primate
“There are two chimps inside me.”This week's scariest movie is... Primate. This film has everything: Mongoose Betrayals, capital-P prison sentences, And hero-chimp eulogies. If you love botched primate Googles, full-Congo speech pads, and Die Hard chimp energy, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community.What did y
426 - Tremors 2: Aftershocks
“I am ashamed of me being a person.”This week's scariest movie is... Tremors 2: Aftershocks. This film has everything: Precambrian nonsense, payroll-hole disappearances, And pre-dot-com theme-park scams. If you love Hot Topic hyenas, cheerleader-pyramid shriekers, and Andrea Bocelli Pegasus merch, this episode's for you!What did you think of our episode on Tremors 2: Aftershocks? Tell us
425 - Predators
“They signed the waivers. Guys, I think we’re in the clear.”This week's scariest movie is... Predators. This film has everything: chaos-goblin fight energy, thumb-biting mandible math, And body-trap upgrades. If you love Amazon-warehouse predator logistics, Kirkland-brand bone temples, and raining-machetes entrances, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Vir
424 - Clue
“If you were a singing telegram giving this much, you’ll be promoted to manager immediately.”This week’s scariest movie is... Clue. This film has everything: Mandela endings, dog-shit shoe checks, And body drops that only gets higher as the night progresses. If you love McCarthy-era blackmail, Tim Curry cardio exposition, and deeply committed dead-body slapstick, this episode's for you!Pl
423 - Strange Harvest
“Don’t you want to be friends with Terry Apple?”This week’s scariest movie is... Strange Harvest. This film has everything: bargain-bin Mario Kart Characters, Dunder Mifflin homicide energy, And aggressively unnecessary voice distortion. If you love blood-bucket logistics, donut-shop dread, and a mockumentary so convincing it breaks your true-crime brain, this episode’s for you!Please Sub
422 - Critters
“You don’t eat critter veal, you monster.”This week’s scariest movie is... Critters. This film has everything: plot-farming dads, after-hours church, And cozy Baron Harkonnen cosplay. If you love Johnny Steel world domination, interstellar leather jackets, and frat-boy space porcupines, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discove
421 - Snakes on a Plane
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this. It’s a genius plan.”This week’s scariest movie is... Snakes on a Plane. This film has everything: Mouth razors, reheated snake leftovers, and a sequel pitch that’s destined to make some $$$. If you love Samuel L. Jackson heroics, deeply stupid criminal logistics, and a movie that fully understands its own title is the whole pitch, this episode’s for
420 - The Final Destination
“Who produced this? The mob." This week’s scariest movie is... The Final Destination (2009). This film has everything: Hubcapped halved hillbillies, 4th floor hot tubs, and struggling to pay attention when someone is trauma dumping. If you love late-2000s CGI chaos, racetrack carnage, and a franchise that keeps finding new ways to turn everyday errands into a homicide puzzle box, this epi
419 - 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple
“This is like, if Ron Hubbard walked outside to an alien abduction"This week’s scariest movie is... 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple. This film has everything: Wine Drunk Confessions, a clinical injection of Duran Duran, And a midnight appointment with the devil where nobody packed a fiddle. If you love DIY cult pageantry, a doctor who looks like he moonlights in a metal band, and zombie-o
418 - Scary Movie 2
“Apparently a bunch of people make cock and ball necklaces now” This week’s scariest movie is... Scary Movie 2. This film has everything: A horny ghost hookup, dirty talk confessions, And Tori Spelling just GETTING IT from a ghost. If you love Exorcist parody chaos, Tim Curry in full haunted-house professor mode, and a horror-comedy that sprints past good taste without looking back, this
417 - Friday the 13th (Revisited)
"Dying under Kevin Bacon. There's got to be worse ways to go."This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th. This film has everything: kitchen mugs getting burned, pregnant Purple mattresses, And Monopoly played in real time. If you love doom-prophet bike commutes, killer POV giveaways, and starting your hitchhiking journey at 5am, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Rev
416 - Him
“He has the trigger discipline of someone who only got a $50,000 signing bonus"This week’s scariest movie is... Him. This film has everything: NFL-wife Gwyneth Paltrow energy, Poop Math, And a football movie that isn't for people that like football. If you love culty QB training camps, pigskin symbolism, and weaponized sports logic, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Revie
415 - Tales from the Hood
"It's like pre grave robbing. It's all the grave robbing. But no diggity"This week’s scariest movie is... Tales from the Hood. This film has everything: a Ded Talk, tiny little footsteps, And a drug dealer who won’t stop telling stories while you’re trying to buy weed. If you love fighting 50 dolls, refried-beans logic, and crumpling up monster drawings, this episode's for you!Please Subs
414 - The Long Walk (2025)
"I think you and I would get hosed down trying to walk up that fucking hill."This week’s scariest movie is... The Long Walk. This film has everything: Stebbins sneezes, out of context Spotify comments, And dropping duces at 3 MPH. If you love walking off warnings, Three Musketeers math, and foxhole friendships, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to
413 - 28 Years Later
All you have to do is provide 90s rapper level bling and food."This week's scariest movie is... 28 Years Later. This film has everything: Edgar Allan Poe boys, the freshest skulls you'll ever see, And how one famous podcast sees himself. If you love Diet Coke tattoos, castle envy, and showcase showdown swagger, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to
412 - Bring Her Back
“I just wish it wasn’t the grapefruit method"This week's scariest movie is... Bring Her Back. This film has everything: a sexy and shirtless Jesus digging up the dead, a 10 year old that can't stop biting things, and just enough rules for Brian McKnight to write a hit about. If you love soul smoothie makers, evil bead curtains, and rain filled pools, this episode's for you!Please Subscrib
411 - Good Boy
"We named the dog Indy."This week's scariest movie is... Good Boy. This film has everything: Pausing for paws. WW1 pilots. And playing fetch till your arm falls off. If you love kibble noodle soup energy, top-billed dogs, and serious Courage the Cowardly Dog energy, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community.What
410 - The Conjuring: Last Rites
"Worst. Criss. Angel. Magic trick. Ever."This week's scariest movie is... The Conjuring Last Rites. This film has everything: Egg Whites. Science Romeos. And Realty recommendations that you should not take. If you love Shakespeare-in-a-toolshed riffs, basement John Wayne portraits, and common-sense yelling at pitch-black rooms, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The
409 - Krampus (2015)
"Keep our hot cocoa hot and our ankles unclaimed."The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Krampus. This film has everything: Snow Huluds,. Mouths agape, and proof the cocaine must just be amazing. If you love snowy nonsense wordplay, deadpan anatomy burns, and holiday hijinks, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people disco
408 - Hot Fuzz
“Olivia Colman, calm down.”This week's scariest movie is... Hot Fuzz. This film has everything: Ocular patdowns. A loose swan. And a the most charming bond to walk the earth. If you love buddy-cop bromance, murder-murder-murder chants, and suggestive headlines, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community.What did y
407 - The Black Phone 2
“Camp becomes like a frozen purgatorial church retreat.”This week’s scariest movie is… The Black Phone 2. This film has everything: the real Miracle on Ice, Tommy Tutone, and yet another franchise trapping a killer in a camp's lake, If you love snowbound witchcraft, Dream-Warrior energy, and tractor-on-ice logic, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin
406 - Frankenstein
“You got ghosts in your blood, take cocaine about it.”This week’s scariest movie is… Frankenstein. This film has everything: A 7-foot Adonis Smurf, a classic “He said/He Said,” and an episode that goes deep on the kind of nerds our hosts are. If you love aggressively thirsty tall-guy discourse, literary-brain horror tangents, and spiraling debates about what actually makes someone a
405 - Sleepy Hollow
“I hereby sentence you to adventure.”This week’s fog-soaked headless whodunit is... Sleepy Hollow (1999). This film has everything: CSI:1799. Turn in your wood badge and your musket. And The Strangest place to find a dead pigeon. If you love deadpan spooky behavior, backwards-in-heels heroics, gleeful small-town gossip, and deliciously petty continuity nitpicks, this episode’s for you!Ple
404 - Thanksgiving
“this is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with Turkey.”This week’s most carved-up holiday horror movie is... Thanksgiving (With Special Guest Joe Kay!!!!). This film has everything: New holiday traditions. A head smashed Gershon. And a thermometer pop that will make you scream. If you love retail riots, pilgrim-mask menace, gleeful small-town gossip, and the crispy crunch of seasonal
403 - Blood Quantum
“He’s hanging by his junk... his stomach junk, not his testicle junk.”This week’s grimiest outbreak horror movie is... Blood Quantum. This film has everything: a bridge-top poop drop, an undead Big Mouth Billy Bass, the best name for a strip club north of the US border. If you love rat fight clubs, zombie allegories to human nature, and a country that really wants you to know it paid for
402 - Thankskilling
“It was the best of tits. It was the worst of tits.”This week’s most insane horror movie is... ThanksKilling. This film has everything: savory flavored condoms, Terrible depictions of the faceblind, And a closing tag line only Samuel Jackson could say, but didn’t. If you love holiday thirst traps, chaotic misrecognition, and big-screen smack talk, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe,
401 - Crimson Peak (RTP Episode)
Happy Halloween HV Fam!!! Since a lot of you have been asking for this episode, we thought it might be nice for you all to hear our thoughts on Crimson Peak!!! -Todd“He’s the worst ophthalmologist ever, he never saw any of this coming.”This week’s hottest movie is... Crimson Peak.This film has everything: a six foot baguette sadly loafing around, terrible real estate choices, And a moth
400 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
“Tommy Doyle could have just gone to therapy, but we’re glad he didn’t.”This week’s scariest horror movie is... Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. This film has everything: children wielding knives, planets slowly coming into alignment, and one of the best places to give birth to a demon child. If you love Dr. Myers OBGYN, Religious Cults, and bringing a knife to a slap fight, this ep
399 - Alien 3
“It’s like an angsty teenager blew up because it was forced to shower.”This week’s scariest listener request movie is... Alien 3. This film has everything: A soon to be star director getting screwed by the studio, An unsexy prison monk scenario, AND that prison is still somehow safer for Ripley than any church. If you love industrial dread, prison monks, and men in rubber suits, this epis
398 - Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
“You might say those two guys have a hand job.”This week’s scariest meta movie is... Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. This film has everything: a murderous Thing hand, terrible sex toy suggestions, And the craziest Mangione theory you’ve ever heard. If you love runaway limbs, ill-advised bedroom gadgets, and the truth finally getting out there, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, an
397 - Exorcist II: The Heretic
“I don’t remember A Bug’s Life having this much religion in it.”This week’s scariest horror movie is... Exorcist II: The Heretic. This film has everything: a locust DJ, a shaman/scientist in a lab coat. a vibe that is way to much star wars to be as bad as it is. If you love bug-fueled bangers and shamanic science whiplash this episode’s for you!What did you think of our episode on Weapons
396 - Weapons
“All I saw was a feel-good film about an aunt who loved her nephew so much she’d stop at nothing to plan a sleepover for him.”This week’s most chaotic PTA-nightmare horror movie is... Weapons. This film has everything: heat-seeking children, Thumbs Up Seven Up, And the strangest fast food theories since everyone stopped using the playplaces but know one talks about why. If you love feral
395 - Van Helsing
This week’s wiggiest horror movie is... Van Helsing.This film has everything: a wig that out-monsters the monsters, an electrical Wonka, And a that might be having a little bit too much fun. If you love catastrophic hair, candy-coated mad science, and truly maximalist nonsense, this episode’s for you!What did you think of our episode on Renfield? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin or @
394 - Renfield
“This is the first time that Nicolas Cage has ever been stopped by a circle of cocaine.”This week’s nastiest toxic-boss horror movie is… Renfield. This film has everything: Corporate Dracula, Welcome-Mat Vampire Law, and the most truthful line ever yelled at the police at the beginning of a chase. If you love quitting your immortal boss, doormat loopholes, and Ben Schwartz on pharmacy tim
393 - The Last Voyage of the Demeter
“He is just shipping himself with snacks.”This week’s bougiest coffin-cruise horror movie is… The Last Voyage of the Demeter. This film has everything: a vampire who mails himself across Europe with provisions. Blood bag wisdom brought to you by Snapple. And an idea for a Dracula movie so brave it will never happen… again. If you love bougie undead meal prep and blockbuster pitches that s
392 - Nosferatu (2024)
“This is why we shouldn’t have made women wear corsets.”This week’s prettiest fever dream is… Nosferatu. This film has everything: a naked blood-circle fax machine. Some of the absolute worst period-accurate hair. And a villain that edges so hard when he final gets what he's after it, literally kills him. If you love moody gothic vibes, unexplainable vampire etiquette, and horny morality
391 - House of Wax
“My dick is encased in wax. It’s the ultimate condom.”This week’s horniest fire hazard of a horror movie is House of Wax. This film has everything: wax-on-wax violence, Quentin Tarantino’s evil twin, and smoldering chemistry only ruined by shared parentage. If you love incestual tension, foot trauma, and the slowest wax-based final fight in horror history, this episode’s for you!Please Su
390 - Bones and All
“He’s wearing more flair than an Applebee’s assistant manager"This week’s hungriest horror movie is… Bones and All. This film has everything: A Donkey-Kong victory dance to a KISS tune, Ethical-cannibalism campfire rules, and the most understandable abandonment you'll ever seen on the silver screen. If you love road-trip vibes, meaty metaphors, and unhinged food discourse, this episode’s
389 - Fear
“I’m just impressed by the loyalty of the Funky Bunch.”This week’s most unhinged horror-thriller is… Fear. This film has everything: the unwavering loyalty of the Funky Bunch, the death of a german Kaiser, and a crew you can’t tell is a rock band or the Bling Ring…but either way, they’re showing up to your house and it’s not for rehearsal. If you love questionable life choices, possible p
388 - I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
"You're the hottest person at your college and dumb enough to get kidnapped."This week’s most scariest horror movie is I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. This film has everything: Jamiroquai in a murder poncho, A lost live action Scooby-Doo episode. And a six-shooter that fires eight times. If you love karaoke, seafood mascots, and Jennifer Love Hewitt losing a fight to basic geograph
387 - Willy's Wonderland
“If turtles are flightless birds, is lasagna a cake?”This week’s most requested horror movie is Willy’s Wonderland. This film has everything: A silent janitor with zero follow-up questions. Animatronic Pizzagate. And a haunted true crime original story of convoluted that you'd need five nights to sort it out. If you love flightless turtles, debt-era Nic Cage energy, and animatronics get c
386 - What Lies Beneath
“That necklace should only be viewed through a hand mirror.”This week’s scariest horror movie is What Lies Beneath. This film has everything: ghost girls with boundary issues, true crime witchcraft girlies, and a husband who invents the biggest red flag ever. If you like a movie that dares to ask the question, Can Han Solo act? This episode is for you.Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Th
385 - The Purge: Anarchy
“I would stay in a dumpster overnight with you.”This week’s all-too-real horror movie is The Purge: Anarchy. This film has everything: Dumpster survival strategies, rich psychos in cocktail attire, and a Frank Castle stand-in that just can't shake these "hangers on." If you love movies that sound like they were written by the lyrics to a Rage Against The Machine song, this episode’s for y
384 - Silent Hill
“If your daughter’s in a drawer, it’s too late.”This week’s horniest horror movie is… Silent Hill. This film has everything: A giant sexy demon that just can't wait to rip everything off you. A cop whose clearly not dressed for the day she's having. And a mom thats just asking if we could tell her how to get, how to get to Silent Hill. If you love horny cosplay, questionable law enforceme
383 - Death Proof
"It's only car chase I can describe as dialogue-heavy."This week’s scariest movie is... Death Proof. This film has everything: A scar that somehow makes it hotter that he’s murdering you, foot close-ups, and a theory that will have kit marlowe scratching Shakespeare's head. If you love Snake Plissken thirst, feet you didn’t consent to seeing, and the cursed brilliance of #Sorkentino, this
382 - The Hitcher
"Is this just Fight Club in the 80s?"This week’s most unhinged highway horror is The Hitcher (1986). This film has everything: Gas station explosions, Tyler Durden cosplay, and a Swedish-American shoulder-width that brings all the Pages to the yard. If you love shoulder theories, not know if Rutger Hauer wants to kill or fuck you, and cops doing the absolute least, this episode’s for you!
381 - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End
"Have you never had a boba pee?"This week’s scariest road trip movie is... Wrong Turn 2: Dead End. This film has everything: A reality show where the prize is dying first. A muscle-bound host with drill sergeant energy who shoves dynamite in a dude’s overalls just to watch him pop. And a final girl redemption arc so meaty, you’ll swear this movie was funded by NAMI. If you love chainsaw
380 - Friday the 13 (2009)
This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th (2009). This film has everything: an underground tunnel empire straight out of Gummy Bears, using a machete to hack away at a public library keyboard, and a burial comparison you will not see coming. If you love quick tunnels, blunt trauma, and silent killers typing with bladed weapons, this episode’s for you!What did you all think of our e
379 - Sinners
“It’s an R&B Blade.”This week’s coolest horror movie is... Sinners. This film has everything: A team up so legend Nick Fury would be jealous, Uncles reminding the nephew to eat, and both Michael A, and B Jordan's doing their best to protect their culture. If you love demon-slaying jazz clubs, delightful doormen named after bread, and learning that the clitoris is not in the glovebox,
378 - The Monkey
“The monkey is basically Tommy Lee, and I'm sick of pretending not to notice.”This week’s most unhinged horror movie is... The Monkey. This film has everything: An electric detonation, A stripper face reveal that will blow your mind, and a haunted toy chimp that was just following orders. If you love flamethrower pawn shops, placenta-fueled twin rage, and Planet of the Apes energy with ze
377 - Terminator 2: Judgment Day
“He's made of knife.” This week’s slimiest horror movie is... Terminator 2: Judgment Day. This film has everything: a corrupted Windows version of Gollum, a reality where John Connor skips leading the resistance and just lives his best life frothing lattes at a Glendale café, and a robot so anatomically gifted he can slice a sandwich with his knife-dick like he’s the deli manager at Skyne
376 - Freaky Tales
"Psytopics is like R&B Dianetics."This week’s most unapologetically anti-fascist horror movie is... Freaky Tales. This film has everything: A Scott Pilgrim-style street brawl between punks and Nazis, a soft-spoken supervillain who can make a lisp sound menacing, and Sleepy Floyd, a samurai warrior who dunks on racists AND slices them in half. If you love magical realism, anarchist jus
375 - Heart Eyes
“You have the right to remain charming. Anything you say can and will be used to make me blush.”This week’s most romantically unhinged horror movie is... Heart Eyes. This film has everything: A vineyard that produces a very bloody red, A killer throuple, And a masked maniac who forces a DTR mid-murder. If you love rom-com tropes, blood-soaked meet-cutes, and horror villains who demand emo
374 - Pet Sematary II
“Clyde is like child Hitler.”This week’s most unhinged horror movie is… Pet Sematary 2. This film has everything: A stepdad who swings between “respect your mother” and “shoot the family dog” energy, a cat lover who will go full Liam Neeson on anyone who touches her pet, and Anthony Edwards navigating a love scene that takes a hard left into beastial nightmare territory. If you love dead
373 - Final Destination 3
"It's like watching a commercial for the board game Mouse Trap."This week’s craziest horror movie is… Final Destination 3. This film has everything: a Rube Goldberg Grim Reaper, the strangest public transportation premonition to date, and the best porn name outside of porn ever... Full Stop. If you love improbable physics, theme parks with anatomically correct devil statues, and a franchi
372 - Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2
"She got hit so hard with a volleyball, she got sent into the ghost realm."This week’s most unhinged horror movie is... Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2.This film has everything: A Pandora’s box hidden in a room full of capes, The most haunted art class ever, And a ghost kiss so terrible, it blows up her headstone. If you love chaotic prom energy, haunted horses, and movies that answer the qu
371 - A Quiet Place 2
"You can't breathe through your butthole."This week’s scariest horror movie is... A Quiet Place Part II. This film has everything: A baby in a Moses basket with a scuba mask, Emily Blunt flooding yet another basement like it’s her post-apocalyptic hobby, And a pirate radio station broadcasting nothing but Bobby Darin. If you love soundproof babies, damp trauma, and end-of-the-world DJs wi
370 - Smile 2
"Tell me more about the time you used the dildo medicinally.”This week’s scariest movie is... Smile 2. This movie has everything: A Flatliners-style shock therapy plan that says “trauma, but make it crispy,” proof that Voss Water that might actually be a sinister organization, And a setup for Smile 3 where a stadium full of cursed teenage girls starts the smilepocalypse. If you love
369 - Slither
"If your husband comes back from the woods with a virus, just pack a bag and go."This week’s slimiest horror movie is... Slither. This film has everything: a man so nice they infected him twice, A small-town countdown to deer season, and a "Backter" reveal that will blow your mind. If you love parasitic slugs, small-town chaos, and family values warped by alien hive minds, this episode’s
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