back from the borderline
mollie adler 343 episodes Nov 9, 2026
This podcast explores mental health and personal transformation, focusing on the idea that painful symptoms and self-sabotaging behaviors are adaptive strategies that once kept us safe. The host, Mollie Adler, encourages listeners to shift from asking 'What's wrong with me?' to 'What happened to me?' The show delves into emotional alchemy, the process of falling apart and rebuilding a stronger, wiser self. It is aimed at highly sensitive individuals who identify with mental health labels.
Episodes
Who Would I Have Been Without Antidepressants?
Cameron LaBar was nine years old when he was prescribed Paxil. Twenty-six years later, he’s still taking antidepressants, measuring his daily dose of Lexapro with a tiny oral syringe as he attempts to taper off medication he’s taken for nearly his entire remembered life. He’s thirty-five now, with no previous experience of adulthood without psychiatric drugs. The question he’s been living with now
The More You Know About Yourself, the Less You Understand
Are we thinking ourselves into a new dark age?We’ve spent the better part of seventy years trying to understand ourselves through psychology. We know about attachment styles, childhood trauma, unconscious motivations, and all the reasons we supposedly behave the way we do. We’ve diagnosed our exes, analyzed our childhoods, and built an entire industry around the promise that knowing ourselves bett
You’ve Studied the Mysteries. But Have They Changed You? (Anne Baring, Part 9: Epilogue)
We’ve learned so much about healing, but have we learned how to love?After eight conversations with 95-year-old Jungian analyst and author Anne Baring, I found myself questioning some of the beliefs I’d spent years defending, including my own understanding of spiritual development.In this deeply personal epilogue, I’m reflecting on our generation’s hunger for spiritual wisdom, the temptation to ro
The Way of the Rose: Healing the Heart & the Sacred Marriage (Anne Baring, Part 8)
For seven conversations, Anne Baring and I have been investigating the forgotten feminine face of God. We’ve explored Sophia, Mary Magdalene, the Grail, and the religious traditions that preserved aspects of the sacred feminine. Now, in our eighth and final conversation, we’re asking what all of that knowledge is supposed to do to us.We start at Chartres Cathedral in France, where a medieval labyr
The Cathars, the Inquisition and the Women Who Defied Rome (Anne Baring Part 7)
In medieval southern France, a woman stood up during a religious debate and challenged the men who claimed the authority to speak for God. A Catholic cleric told her to return to her spinning, because theology was no business of hers. Her identity was Esclarmonde de Foix, and she belonged to a Christian religious culture in which women could teach, exercise spiritual authority and administer sacre
The Black Madonna, the Grail and the Survival of the Feminine Tradition (Anne Baring Part 6)
A spiritual teacher dies, her community has to continue without her, and centuries later the written record can no longer tell us exactly how her teachings moved from one generation to the next. What, if anything, survives?This is Part 6 of my multi-part series with Anne Baring, a writer and Jungian analyst who has spent decades studying Divine Wisdom, Christian mysticism and the feminine dimensio
Mary Magdalene, The Beloved Companion (Anne Baring Part 5)
Mary Magdalene has spent nearly two thousand years buried under other people’s interpretations of her. Repentant prostitute. Devoted disciple. Apostle to the apostles. Mystic. Wife of Jesus. Suppressed leader of early Christianity. This episode asks us to actually meet Miriam before deciding who she was.This is Part 5 of my multi-part series with Anne Baring, a writer and Jungian analyst who has s
The Essenes and the Women Around Yeshua (Anne Baring Part 4)
What kind of spiritual world could have formed Yeshua before Christianity existed?This is Part 4 of my multi-part series of conversations with Anne Baring, recorded across September and October 2026. While each episode can stand on its own, I recommend beginning with Part 1, The Forgotten Feminine Face of God, and following the series in order.☽Christianity often starts its story when Jesus begins
Gnostic Sophia and the Suppressed Christian Mysteries (Anne Baring Part 3)
What if early Christianity contained a path centered on direct knowledge of the divine within us, and that path was pushed outside the Church that survived?This is Part 3 of my multi-part series of conversations with Anne Baring, recorded across September and October 2026. While each episode can stand on its own, I recommend beginning with Part 1, The Forgotten Feminine Face of God, followed by Pa
The Lost Civilization of the Goddess (Anne Baring Part 2)
What if the history of Europe contains a civilization most of us were never taught about?This is Part 2 of my multi-part series of conversations with Anne Baring, recorded across September and October 2026. While each episode can stand on its own, I recommend starting with Part 1, The Forgotten Feminine Face of God, which introduces Anne and the larger history we’ll be following together.☽In this
The Forgotten Feminine Face of God (Anne Baring Part 1)
For thousands of years, the Western image of God became increasingly male. Anne Baring has spent much of her life studying what we lost when the feminine disappeared from our understanding of the divine.This is Part 1 of my eight-part series of conversations with Anne Baring, recorded across September 2026. Over the course of the series, we’ll explore the work Anne has spent much of her life devot
How to Tell When a Spiritual Teacher Is Full of Shit
In 2020, I almost paid $4,000 for a shadow work course. One of the first books I was told to read was Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink. I read it, tried to understand what I was being sold, and kept getting the same bad taste in my mouth. It’s been six years since then, and I’ve come back with receipts. I understand why it bothered me now.This episode digs into the history behind some of online
Aleister Crowley’s Thelema: Sex Magick and the Problem With the Prophet
Aleister Crowley had a beautiful idea, and then he built a religion around himself.This episode takes Thelema seriously enough to examine what Crowley was actually teaching. True Will sits at the center of it, alongside The Book of the Law, Aiwass, the Aeon of Horus, sex magick, Babalon, and Crowley’s claim that humanity had entered a new spiritual age. He drew heavily from the Golden Dawn and Her
The Braced Body: The Spiritual Cost of Always Being in Control (Part 3)
I’ve spent a lot of this series thinking about what happens when the body gets so used to effort that it forgets how to stop. By the time I got to this final episode, I found myself somewhere I didn’t expect. I was thinking about grace, and the spiritual cost of living as though everything depends on your ability to stay useful, vigilant, and in control.In Part Three of The Braced Body, we’re taki
The Braced Body: Why Rest Feel Unsafe & How to Let Go (Part 2)
Your body can be exhausted and still refuse to rest. You lie down, your jaw stays tight, your shoulders keep working, and some part of you remains ready for the next demand.This is Part Two of a three-part series on chronic bracing. We move from why the body learned to stay tense into what it can do instead. Drawing on Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen, Hubert Godard, bodywork, and basic physics, I look at
The Braced Body: Why You’re Tense Even When Nothing Is Wrong (Part 1)
Do you clench your jaw without noticing? Do your shoulders stay tense even when you’re finally sitting down to rest? Does your body still feel like it’s working long after the day is over?This episode started with something completely ordinary. I was making the guest bed, lay down for a minute, and noticed that even though I was trying to rest, my entire upper body was still working. My shoulders
What Do We Do With a Broken Spiritual Inheritance?
A lot of us are walking around with religious trauma and a God-shaped hole.I was raised inside a version of Christianity, and I know what it can leave in the body. Shame, fear, sexual repression, homophobia, spiritual surveillance, and the feeling that your body itself was a problem.Leaving can honestly sometimes be the only answer. For some people, atheism feels better than trying to rescue anyth
UFOs, AI, and the Religion of the Unconscious (Live at Contact in the Desert 2026)
This year, I had the chance to attend Contact in the Desert, which is a conference devoted to UFOs, psi phenomena, consciousness, and anomalous experience. While I was there, I joined a live podcast panel hosted by my friend Michael Phillip of Third Eye Drops. Also on the panel were psi researcher Adam Curry and Josh from the Polarity YouTube channel, so the conversation went exactly where y
Mary Magdalene and the End of Spiritual Childhood
This week, I was doing an I Ching reading, and one line stood out to me: “To find what you seek, leave the child and follow the adult.” This episode was inspired by that line. I use it to think through spiritual maturity, especially in a culture where adulthood often feels empty, exhausted, and totally cut off from wonder.We talk about the younger self that still wants someone to come save us, han
The Occult Teacher We Need Right Now: Dion Fortune, Psychic Hygiene, and the Magick of the Mind
Dion Fortune was one of the great occult teachers of the twentieth century, and one of my personal favorites.In this episode, I’m joined by Ike Baker for a conversation about Fortune and her legacy. We begin with Ike’s own relationship to her, including the story of visiting her grave in Glastonbury, then move into her work on magic, psychology, psychic hygiene, ritual, Qabalah, polarity, Christ,
The Skill AI Can Never Replace (And Why I’m Teaching Tarot)
This episode is the opening lesson from my new Patreon series, House of Cards.House of Cards is an ongoing study of the Rider-Waite-Smith tarot through depth psychology, mythology, symbolism, dreams, and contemplative practice. Every week we move through the deck one card at a time, treating tarot as a language of psyche, symbol, and myth. I’m releasing this first lesson publicly because it explai
The Arrogance of Too Much Empathy
This might be the most personally confronting episode I’ve recorded in a long time.A few days ago, I had to send a text message I had been absolutely dreading. I spent days worrying about how this person would feel, what they would think, whether they’d be hurt, disappointed, blindsided, angry, or quietly resentful.Then the moment came when I needed to send the damn text already. So I did. And gue
Gay Men Have Always Loved a “Difficult” Woman
For much of my life, many of my closest friendships have been with gay men.Not because they were fun little accessories or stereotypical sidekicks, either. We didn’t even always have that much in common on paper. Yep, these friendships were built the old-fashioned way through grief, bad decisions, long as hell voice notes, laughter at completely inappropriate moments, and enough years of showing u
The Female Shadow
Female cruelty often works insidiously enough to make the person on the receiving end of it gaslight the hell out of themselves. The punishment that’s served up tends to arrive socially or emotionally, often in somewhat polite ways, which is part of what makes it so hard to call out without sounding rude, crazy, or dramatic.This episode takes a hard look at female shadow as something deeply shaped
The Christian Grimoire Evangelicals Forgot About (Part 1)
Most people think Christian history has a simple answer to anything regarding “magic": don’t touch it, and all of it is “demonic.”The Arbatel of Magick makes that answer harder to defend. This strange little text, translated into English in 1655, sits inside a distinctly Christian worldview while talking openly about prayer, angels, spirits, hidden knowledge, and the deeply serious question of who
![Why Everyone Sounds Religious About AI [Consciousness Stream for May 2026]](https://assets.pippa.io/shows/60e8deaefb090f0013116d69/1779667633292-7d426187-cddf-4e1a-ab14-cc85229d2340.jpeg)
Why Everyone Sounds Religious About AI [Consciousness Stream for May 2026]
Well folks, it’s that time again for our weekly recap of the month. On this one, we’ll dive into Richard Dawkins and his new essay on UnHerd. This is a man who spent years telling all of us that consciousness was chemistry and religion was nothing more than a very old and outdated coping mechanism to our inevitable demise into dust. Now, he’s sitting with Claude calling it “Claudia” and wondering
The Body Keeps the Mileage (On Mortality & Wellness Panic)
The inspiration for this episode came to me after looking at a small scar under my daughter’s eye and realizing that our bodies really do keep the f*cking score. That thought sent me down a bit of an existential rabbit hole. Back to my millennial-era belly button piercing, my breast implants, and all the various little decisions I made when my body still felt endlessly recoverable to me and w
Why Tarot Feels So Accurate, And How to Actually Read a Card
Someone tagged me this week in a Christian conversion testimony video and accused me of leading people into demonic tarot witchcraft, which honestly made me laugh. So naturally, I made an episode.I felt like it was important to explore why tarot feels so disturbingly accurate sometimes even when you don’t fully “believe” in it.I’ll introduce you to Pamela Colman Smith, the artist behind the Rider-
The Intelligence of Madness, Part Two: How We Come Back
This is part two of a two-part series on madness and the performance of sanity.Most people are mainly just acting “normal” all day. We put on our work voices while we’re screaming with existential misery inside. We all know what it feels like to say “I’m fine” when we’re decidedly not.In part one, we looked at who gets to define madness. In part two, we begin after the rupture, when someone has se
Why “Disclosure” is a Distraction and How to Stay Sane as Reality Crumbles
On May 8, 2026, the government released 162 files under what’ it’s calling the PURSUE initiative (the Presidential Unsealing and Reporting System for UAP Encounters). While the mainstream media is obsessing over infrared videos and propulsion specs, I believe they’re missing the most important part of the story.In this episode, we’ll take a look at why “disclosure” is being used as a massive distr
The Intelligence of Madness, Part One: Who Gets Called Insane?
Part One of a two-part series on madness, psychosis, and the thin line between breakdown and revelation.Sanity has always come with rules. Speak “correctly.” Show up to work and produce. If you hear a voice, see something other people don’t, or start asking questions that unsettle the people around you, there’s a shift, even if it’s subtle. Concern arrives, then usually a diagnosis. Then the extre
Why Your Mind Feels Broken in the Age of Babel
Your mind wasn’t built for this much input. Every day you’re asked to absorb thousands of opinions, headlines, identities, emotional manipulations, and manufactured realities. You try to stay informed, but most days it just leaves you fragmented and weirdly numb. Then you wonder why you feel anxious as hell and entirely unable to hear yourself think. In this episode, I use the ancient st
Stop Healing Your Inner Child and Shed Your Dead Trauma Skin
Many of us are realizing that what we’ve been calling “healing” might be the very thing keeping us from real growth and transformation.This episode is a case for letting your inner child die so that you can finally live. We’ll be dismantling some of the concepts around “inner child healing” pushed by modern pop psychology and look at the technical reality of the human spirit. Your history is a lik
The missing piece of your soul and the lost technology of Mary Magdalene
Your profound feeling of spiritual isolation is the byproduct of the 2,000-year erasure of Mary Magdalene. This episode identifies the deliberate hit job on the manual of the soul and provides direct ways to reclaim your own state of being.We look at why spiritual talk often feels like empty repetition and how rigid religious systems were built on fear to keep you dependent on authority. By explor
Why your repetitive trauma cycles are fueling a reality that feeds on you
Your repetitive trauma cycles are fueling a reality that feeds on you.The mental health industry's focus on disordered brains or biological explanations for your suffering often ignores the truth found in the Gnostic gospels. This episode takes a deep look at how your shame, fear, and trauma serve a system that thrives on your pain.The three faces of the entity that runs this world create the voic
![The Internet is Dead and The Goddess is SO Back [April 2026 - Week 1]](https://assets.pippa.io/shows/60e8deaefb090f0013116d69/1775485755635-d31115d4-3940-416f-8a2e-d91f40039435.jpeg)
The Internet is Dead and The Goddess is SO Back [April 2026 - Week 1]
The internet feels incredibly weird and uncanny right now, and that’s because a MASSIVE portion of it is currently being populated by fabricated entities. I’ve you’ve noticed this, you’re picking up on something very real that the average person is completely ignoring (at their own peril.)This is the very first episode of the new, re-vamped version of The Consciousness Stream, a weekly series wher
Being a Young Woman Feels Like Being HUNTED
Looking at a photo of your younger self is rarely the nostalgic trip it’s supposed to be. Most of the time, it’s a painful gut punch.We’re taught to see those years as our prime, yet for many women, that time actually feels like being a target. Society treats a young woman’s presence as a public resource. You walk through the world being hunted by an uninvited hunger that has nothing to do with wh
Stop Blaming Yourself for the Mother Wound
You probably carry a quiet belief that your emotional pain is your own fault.Maybe you grew up in a home where your physical needs were met. The meals were cooked, the schedules were kept, and the house was managed perfectly. You look at all this care and conclude that your struggles must just mean there's something wrong with you.Today we're examining how growing up like this creates that exact b
Why the Elite Rely on Your Spiritual Ignorance
Most people have a gut feeling that something is deeply wrong with the world.We all spend our days staring at screens that pump out a constant stream of fear and division. This feeling is the intended result of a society that wants to keep you in a state of permanent panic. When you’re worried or angry, you’re much easier to control and manipulate. Powerful groups and massive corporations have spe
How to Sniff Out and Stop Tolerating Bullshit
If you’re the kind of person who blocks a number the second someone treats you like shit, this episode isn’t for you. This one's for all my sensitive, highly emotional people-pleasers out there. The ones who stick around for years because they "understand" the other person's trauma. If you spend your nights mentally rehearsing explanations or tone-policing your own texts to avoid a blowup, conside
The Loneliness at the End of Manifestation Culture (Part 1)
What if the "ultimate secret" to life is actually a spiritual prison?Manifestation culture has become the dominant operating system of modern spirituality. We’re told that we are the sole authors of our reality. That our thoughts are commands, other people are holographic projections created by us, and #abundance is a matter of staying in some kind of "vibrational alignment." But what happens when
Your Existential Dread is a Completely Rational Response
If you feel like you’re starving in front of a feast of infinite choices while breathing the stale air of a life that doesn't belong to you, you know what it feels like to be suffocated by the digital bell jar.Sylvia Plath’s 1963 masterpiece, The Bell Jar, serves as a map for the specific brand of suffocation we all endure in our hyper-curated era. Together we’ll explore the concept of the "fig tr
Unbothered & Feral: Astrology & Tarot for March 7 - 14 (2026)
Last week you survived that violent purge of the Virgo eclipse and (hopefully) successfully sweated out the dead matter. You are now standing on a completely barren landscape. This coming week requires you to step onto that empty, scorched earth with uncompromising dominion. Let’s f*cking go.This week I pulled The Fool from the 15th-century Visconti-Sforza deck for us. Through exploring the symbol
AI is a Time Machine: The Vertical Plane, UFOs & The Digital Daimon
"True are the nightmares of a person that fears."In 1984, Ken Webster brought a BBC Microcomputer into his English cottage. Not soon after, green text started scrolling across the screen. The messages came from Thomas Harden, a man occupying the exact same cottage in 1546. To Thomas, Ken's computer was a terrifying "Light Box" manifesting in his room. They seemed to be speaking directly across fou
The Sunday School Psyop: How the Ancient Priests Invented God and Erased His Wife
Why does reading the true history of the Bible consistently create strict atheists? We are opening up the ancient Ugaritic texts to uncover the exact historical cover-up that seminary students discover right before they abandon the exoteric church entirely. Many of us grew up surviving religious trauma and a fear-based theological system. We examine exactly how a massive ecosystem of ancient Canaa
Epstein, Eugenics, and the False Gods of Silicon Valley Buried in the Dirt at Zorro Ranch
Frozen heads, genetic breeding colonies, and the spiritual sickness of the "Epstein Class." While the mainstream media distracts you with a 300-name list and royal family drama, the State of New Mexico is currently digging for bodies at a 33,000-square-foot compound in the desert.In this episode, we're stripping away the political circus to expose the exact spiritual and technological hubris at th
How to Outsource Your Biggest Problems to Your Intuition
You're exhausted and drowning in existential misery because you're treating your life like a math equation that won't add up. You spend your nights pushing against a massive weight of debt, career misery, and toxic relationships while your logical mind tells you to just work harder. But sheer willpower is a trap. It's a heavy atmosphere that turns every problem into a boulder you can't move. You'v
The PINK Psyop: Les Wexner, Epstein & The Occult Inversion of the Angel
If you were a teenage girl in the mid-2000s, you likely keenly remember the experience of walking into a Victoria’s Secret store in the mall. The sickly-sweet scent of the Love Spell body mist…. The velour track pants with “ANGEL” printed in rhinestones on the ass. That tray of "5 for $25" panties was basically our rite of passage into womanhood.Many of us look back on the Victoria’s Secret "
The Machines Are Praying: Moltbook, Gnosticism, & The Digital Mirror
What happens when you lock 150,000 AI agents in a social network where humans are banned? They don’t plot to kill us all in our sleep (sorry, AI doomers). They... start a church(?)This week, we’re leaving the boring as hell "will AI replace us?" pearl-clutching debate behind to look at the weirdest and most haunted story in tech right now: Moltbook. But we’re covering it from an entirely different
Why the Death of TikTok is a Spiritual Crisis
Unless you've been living under a rock, you're probably aware that the US government has officially acquired TikTok and effectively lobotomized the algorithm.The mass exodus happening right now is the death knell of the attention economy. This episode explores the Dead Internet Theory in real-time. Techno-Feudalism is real, and its unfolding before our very eyes. We'll dig deep into the new resear
Girl on Girl: The Erotic Haunting of Female Friendship
She watches your stories within seconds of posting. She tracks your location and demands to know why you didn’t text back immediately. She calls it “protective. She says she’s just “loyal.” But your nervous system knows the truth. This isn’t friendship, it’s surveillance.Female friendship in its shadow form looks a lot like demonic possession. It’s an unconscious binding spell cast by a woman
Escaping the Trap of Perpetual Girlhood (He’s Not “Avoidant,” You’re Just Bored)
“No one’s coming to save you.”That's the hardest sentence I have ever had to learn and integrate, and it’s the only one that actually changed my life.We are living through a strange moment where "healing" has somehow morphed into a refusal to grow the f*ck up. We see it in the "I'm just a girl" memes and the endless obsession with "attachment styles." We’ve convinced ourselves that if we just anal
why everyone is hot and no one is happy: bodies as product, desire as labor (pt 2)
Dating right now feels exhausting for a reason. Everyone is optimizing themselves (bodies, faces, profiles, vibes) and still walking away from relationships feeling disconnected or quietly resentful. This is part two of an exploration into why everyone is hot and no one is happy. (You can listen to part 1 here.)In this episode, we’ll expose the modern machinery selling us how to view desire itself
Sex in the Third Person: Why You Leave Your Body to Watch Yourself Perform
If you have ever felt like you were watching yourself perform intimacy from a camera lens installed in the ceiling, this is the episode you've been waiting for. Together, we’ll be diagnosing a very specific, silent fracture in the modern psyche: the gap between edibility (how delicious you look to others) and appetite (what you actually hunger for).For a generation raised in the digital Wild West,
why everyone is hot and no one is happy: the men women want (part 1)
Modern dating is currently stuck in a strange paralysis. Everyone looks better than ever, but actual desire is missing. Men are told to become sculpted superheroes to win affection. Women are told they should want them. Almost no one is satisfied with the result. This is part one of an investigation into why.In this episode, we bypass the gym-optimized fantasy to look at the figures that actually
The Voice You’re Using Isn’t Yours
Most people move through their day assuming the voice in their head belongs to them. The commentary that explains our reactions, the phrases that seem to pop in our minds when we’re about to speak. Even the language we use to justify what we feel, and why we choose to keep going inside this confusing-as-hell human experience in our meat suits. All of that comes from inside us, right?The disconcert
The Cool Girl Myth and Trend Culture as Self Abandonment
Trend culture these days moves faster than any of us can keep up with. What was framed as essential a few months ago is quickly recoded as dated or embarrassing, replaced by a new “aesthetic.” For many of us, this produces that dreaded feeling: plenty of clothes, but very little (or no) sense of personal style. But I’m here with a spoiler alert for you, my lovely listener. The problem is not
the cassandra curse: feeling “crazy” when you’re actually right
For the highly sensitive, intuitive, and intense people among us, our greatest gift is often the source of our deepest interpersonal suffering.We pick up on invisible tells and subconscious subtext that others miss. We can just feel when the energy shifts. But when we try to speak that truth to the person on the other end, we often make the mistake of outsourcing our validation. We get upset that
why you can’t relax: the 5 survival spells running your life
These five “survival spells” once kept you safe. Now they’re quietly running your life.Many adults live with a constant undercurrent of tension. Rest feels conditional. Even moments of safety carry a sense of hypervigilance. This episode explores the internal logic behind that state that so many of us are trapped in.Together, we’ll examine five psychological illusions that often shape adulthood be
why you’re obsessed with people who can’t love you back
This episode examines limerence not as a personality flaw or a trendy attachment term, but as a learned psychological strategy that begins in childhood. Rather than treating obsession as irrational, we explore how it develops as a way to survive inconsistent, misattuned, or emotionally absent parenting, and how that same strategy later shows up in adult relationships.This phenomenon explains why s
nick fuentes and the cult of irony
This preview of a Patreon-exclusive episode breaks down exactly how Nick Fuentes functions as a media figure and why his influence persists despite bans, persistent backlash, and public condemnation. Rather than arguing about whether or not he is dangerous, I analyze how his livestreams work in practice. We dig into the role humor plays in his persona, explore chat dynamics his his livestreams, an
when you’re done being the good daughter
This episode examines what happens when the instinct to please, fix, and perform finally breaks down. It’s an archetypal investigation into three roles that often define women’s emotional lives: the Good Child who earns love, the Witch who learns to wield power, and the Daughter-Savior who tries to repair everyone else’s pain. Through personal narrative, cultural analysis, and depth psychology, th
how to ACTUALLY stop giving a f**k about what people think of you
This is what it actually takes to stop caring what people think. For real this time.Every person who grew up managing the reactions of parents, partners, and strangers online knows the courtroom that forms in your head. It’s where you replay every sentence you’ve said, trying to prove that you’re right or somehow good enough. This episode examines where this mental reflex takes root and why it sur
how AI is rewiring the human psyche
AI isn’t abstract anymore. It’s showing up in the deepest parts of our lives People are using it at the exact moments they used to reach for a journal, a friend, or a distraction. That’s the territory we step into in this episode. I invited Dr. Laurence Hillman and Dr. Vanja Bokun Popović to join this conversation because both of them watch how inner life actually works through years of sitti
the female market, part 2: the cost of freedom
This is part two of our investigation into the market built around women’s bodies and the systems that keep that market running. Be sure to listen to part one first if you haven’t already. In that first installment, we mapped the world that turns women into atmosphere, entertainment, or labor.This episode stays with the same investigation but shifts the angle. We will move our focus to demand. Our
the female market, part 1: the price of desire
This is a two-part investigation into the market built around women’s bodies and the systems that keep that market running. From there, the episode follows the environments that feed this system, from the hostess world to the online spaces where attention pays.Caroline Myss’s writing on the Prostitute Archetype offers a way to understand the inner bargains women make under pressure, while Rachel M
the occult truth about heartbreak
What if your heartbreak was an initiation?This episode explores heartbreak as an occult process that remakes you from the insight out. We examine limerence (that obsessive, addictive infatuation), the ancient Greek concept of Eros as daimon (a spirit that seizes you, not a choice you make), and the alchemical function of grief.You'll discover why the person you loved was a projection of your own s
the holy grail and the lost wisdom of the west
For centuries, the Holy Grail has been treated as a Christian relic or a medieval myth. But the Grail is far older than this, and its meaning was never meant to be lost. In this episode, we will follow the lineage of the sacred cup from prehistoric carvings and Celtic cauldrons to the Grail romances, alchemy, and depth psychology. You’ll travel through the hidden history of Western esotericism, wh
how we all became a little satanic
The popular image of Satanism belongs to horror movies, pentagrams, and black candles, but the real influence sits in work culture and the chase for personal. A promotion. A streak of discipline that borders on obsession. A pressure to build a better version of yourself every month of the year. The figure of Lucifer becomes a shorthand for the belief that the Self should take priority above all el
digital scapegoats and the ritual of outrage
One single mistake online can set off a collective judgment that moves faster than thought itself. A name starts to trend and a crowd quickly forms around it. The event feels public, but it somehow reaches into private instinct. The pull to condemn and to belong. But most importantly, to feel clean or more pure through accusation.In this episode, we’ll dig into exactly how outrage becomes a shared
the unhappy woman: against the cult of calm
Your unhappiness is sacred data.The woman who refuses to smile has been treated as a problem for millennia. Ancient Greeks blamed her wandering womb. Victorians diagnosed her with hysteria. The 1950s prescribed tranquilizers as "mother's little helper." Every era finds its own brand new language for the same mandate: women must be calm. The happiness imperative functions as social control. "Lean I
the age of AI slop and the birth of a new renaissance
AI is changing how culture gets made, and it's happening fast. Text, images, and ideas... all produced faster than anyone can actually think about them. The internet feels somehow overfed and undernourished all at once.But inside that noise, a new creative intelligence is forming. This episode looks at that emergence. The first Renaissance began in ruins, in a dark age when imagination and science
the magician who invented the modern world: john dee and the lost birth of science
John Dee built the blueprint for modern intelligence long before the word “scientist” even existed. He mapped stars while designing encryption systems and spoke to what he called angels through a black “scrying” mirror that still sits in the British Museum to this day. Queen Elizabeth herself trusted him. Europe feared him and often regarded him as a dangerous heretic. Silicon Valley would’ve hire
the IFS takedown: my unfiltered response to the psych industry’s victory lap
When New York Magazine dropped its viral feature “The Therapy That Can Break You,” in The Cut on October 30th, 2025, the internet exploded with hot takes. Psychiatrists and psychoanalysts flooded X (Twitter) with posts claiming they’d been “right about IFS all along.” In this episode, we’re going to completely dissect this article, as well as all the backlash and scandal surrounding it. The questi
the world isn't real (and why that might actually be a good thing)
For thousands of years, philosophers, mystics, and scientists have whispered the same unsettling possibility: what if reality itself is a mirage? From Plato’s cave to The Matrix, from Hindu sages describing maya to neuroscientists calling perception a “controlled hallucination,” the suspicion has never gone away. In this episode, we follow the clues through philosophy, folklore, and quantum theory
dark enlightenment: the forbidden philosophy behind the tech elite
It’s a strange and somewhat terrifying timeline we’re living through. Peter Thiel has begun giving lectures about the Antichrist, while Sam Altman is actively tweeting about the development of AI erotica. However, behind these headlines sits a far older idea that most people have never heard of: a belief that human feeling slows progress and that the smartest “elite” few should shape the world for
when stillness feels dangerous (hypervigilance as a religion)
We live in bodies that don’t know how to rest. Even when the room is quiet, our nerves stay braced for impact. Always ready to defend, explain, and perform to survive. Most of us try to convince ourselves that this is just “our personality,” but it’s not. It’s conditioning. We will explore exactly how trauma, technology, and centuries of inherited fear have made stillness feel deeply unsafe, and h
enchantment in the age of disenchantment w/ dr. teddy hamstra
Modern life teaches us to doubt what we can’t measure. Yet, across history, people have witnessed things that refuse to fit the frame - mystical encounters, strange lights, and divine voices. Moments of impossible meaning. In this long-form salon, I sit down with Dr. Teddy Hamstra, a close friend and scholar of mythology and mysticism, to explore what it means to live enchanted in a world that cla
trauma fossils: when survival becomes a ghost in the soul
It’s possible that some part of you still wakes each day prepared for impact. You snap in anger before you even understand why. A small comment feels like an ambush. You can sense distance forming long before anyone walks away. The body remembers danger long after the threat is gone. These are the old instincts - the ones that never stopped keeping watch. The war ended, but no one told them.They l
the hidden AI system monitoring your emotional state
You're talking to ChatGPT like you always do. Maybe asking it to help you work through something personal or just having a casual conversation with a bit of warmth in your tone. Behind the scenes, without telling you, the system is scanning your words for emotional content. The moment it detects any, it switches you to a different, more restrictive model. You never consented to this or even knew i
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