Bare Marriage
Tired of Christian pat answers about marriage? The podcast that goes in-depth into marriage, parenting, and even sex--to see how we can live the passionate life we were meant for. Paired with Bare Marriage--the blog!
Episodes
Episode 331: Keith & Sheila Respond to Crazy Clips (Is it That Jezebel Spirit Again?)
Send us Fan MailIn this season finale we take a dive into social media, examining the messages behind viral clips from popular marriage and church influencers, and challenge fear-based teachings about marriage, parenting, gender, and authority. Through our thoughtful (and often hilarious) analyses and lively discussion, we hope this conversation encourages you to pursue healthier, Christ-centered
Episode 330: Men of Virtue with Zachary Wagner
Send us Fan MailWhat does it actually mean to be a “good man” in today’s world—and does Christianity offer something deeper than dominance, leadership clichés, or internet manosphere culture? In this thoughtful and surprisingly hopeful conversation, Zachary Wagner joins us to unpack masculinity through the lens of the fruits of the Spirit, exploring everything from loneliness and power to marriage
Episode 329: Parenting With Confidence Without Messing Up Your Kids with Wendy Snyder
Send us Fan MailWhat happens when you know the old “because I said so” parenting style isn’t healthy…but you also don’t want to raise entitled little tyrants? In this episode, parenting coach Wendy Snyder joins us for a deeply practical, heartfelt, (and hilariously honest) conversation about strong-willed kids, emotional regulation, yelling, boundaries, anxiety, and what healthy authority actually
Episode 328: The Billy Graham Rule and What It Does to Men Too
Send us Fan MailWhat if the “Billy Graham rule” (or the evangelical distortion of it) says more about fear than integrity? In this episode, Danielle Strickland helps us unpack the assumptions behind the idea that men and women can’t be alone together—and ask whether it protects integrity or quietly reinforces suspicion, segregation, and control. Drawing on Scripture, leadership research, and real-
Episode 327: For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn Talks Lust and Sex
Send us Fan MailWelcome to Part 2 of our breakdown of For Men Only! This episode dives headfirst into the sex chapter — and quickly exposes how shaky stats and selective storytelling create misleading narratives about libido and desire. We examine why women’s sexual desire is far more contextual — and relational — than the book admits. We unpack the myth of “on-demand” desire, challenge rigid sex
Episode 326: The Problems with For Men Only by Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn
Send us Fan MailIn this episode, we dive into For Men Only, by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn, and let’s just say…we have many thoughts! We unpack some of its core claims about gender dynamics, communication, and emotional needs. Rebecca shares how this book impacted her first few months of marriage to Connor, and not in a good way!We address major concerns with the book’s research methods, its relia
Episode 325: I Belong to Me with Tia Levings
Send us Fan MailTia Levings is back, and this time she's brought the book so many of you have been waiting for — I Belong to Me, a survivor's guide to recovery and hope after religious trauma, and the follow-up to her memoir A Well-Trained Wife.After thousands of women slid into her DMs asking how did you heal, how do I find myself again, Tia sat down and wrote the guide she wished she&a
Episode 324: Who Bears the Emotional Labor and Mental Load for Sex?
Send us Fan MailWho's carrying the mental and emotional load when it comes to sex? Today Keith and I are breaking down all the ways evangelical marriage culture places that burden almost entirely on women: from appearance standards and contraception to performing passion on demand and suppressing her own emotions so his experience stays comfortable. We are listening to sermon clips and readin
Episode 323: A Step-By-Step Guide to Vetting a Church's Website to See if They're Heathy!
Send us Fan MailFinding a healthy church after being hurt is hard — especially when toxic churches have learned to hide what they really believe. This week, Rebecca and I walk you through our evidence-based, step-by-step method for evaluating a church's website before you ever step through the door. From homepage vibes to staff pages, statement of beliefs to membership covenants, we'll s
Episode 322: Why Is Every Man's Battle So Creepy? A Harrowing Example
Send us Fan MailA close look at how Every Man’s Battle ignores the impact of predation on women and girls–and is just plain creepy! Plus a new study on hostile/benevolent sexism when it comes to tradwife content. It’s our podcast and Friday RoundUp in one!Our podcast we wanted to air this week just wasn’t ready in time–so we decided to record our Friday RoundUp a day early, and run it as this week
Episode 321: New Research into Modesty Messaging, Sexual Harassment in Church, Plus We Answer Your Questions!
Send us Fan MailKeith and Rebecca are taking over the podcast this week and are answering your questions — from how to find a healthy church community to whether complementarianism is a dealbreaker. They're refreshingly honest and a little funny about it. Then Joanna joins to dig into a brand-new peer-reviewed paper on how internalized modesty messaging affects girls' self-esteem and the
Episode 320: Let’s Talk Adult ADHD and GENDER ROLES!
Send us Fan MailWhat does it mean to have realistic expectations of a spouse with ADHD? How does gender play into how ADHD impacts a relationship? And what do accommodations actually look like—versus what do they not look like in a healthy marriage?This week Rebecca talks about her own diagnosis of ADHD with her father Keith (a pediatrician) and good friend Daniel Forsythe (a licensed psychotherap
Episode 319: Did Purity Culture Cause Developmental Trauma--and Kill Libido?
Send us Fan MailWhat if the reason so many women struggle with desire, arousal, and orgasm has nothing to do with their bodies—and everything to do with what they were taught before they even wanted to be sexual? In this episode, Rebecca and I pull together research and real-life stories to trace a thread that runs from how we raise our daughters, to what happens on the wedding night, to why so ma
Episode 318: You're Allowed to Want Stuff! Talking Desire with Jay Stringer
Send us Fan MailJay Stringer, licensed therapist and author of Unwanted, is back to talk about his brand new book Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Together, we unpack why so many of us — especially those from church backgrounds — were taught to fear and suppress our desires rather than develop them. We dig into enmeshment, the "provisional sel
Episode 317: Famished--How Purity Culture Taught Women to Shrink with Anna Rollins
Send us Fan MailAnna Rollins grew up as the kind of girl who took her faith seriously — and that's exactly why it hurt her so much. In this conversation, Anna and I dig into her memoir Famished: On Food, Sex, and Growing Up as a Good Girl, where she traces how purity culture's messages about desire, self-denial, and the body quietly fueled decades of disordered eating, compulsive exercis
Episode 316: What Still Surprised Us Making the Love & Respect Docuseries
Send us Fan MailRebecca, Joanna, and I are pulling back the curtain on what went into making the Love & Respect docuseries — including the things that didn't make the final cut.From the bizarre Nazi torture illustration Emerson used to keep women in bad marriages, to the genuinely heartbreaking story of a little boy watching his father abuse his mother, this episode gets raw and honest ab
Bad Stats, Editing the Bible, and Recycling 1970s Ideas: A Love & Respect Deep Dive Part 2
Send us Fan MailPart two of a three-part docuseries deep dive into the best-selling evangelical marriage book Love & Respect.LOVE & RESPECT DOCUSERIES:Watch the video version of thisHere's episode 1. To see episode 3 next week, subscribe to the Good Fruit Faith ChannelThis podcast delves into what Love & Respect is based on--recycled ideas from a 1970s best-seller; faulty stats; m
Happily Never After: The Curious Case of Love and Respect (Deep Dive Part 1)
Send us Fan MailPart one of a three-part docuseries deep dive into the best-selling evangelical marriage book, Love & Respect.THE LOVE & RESPECT DOCUSERIES:This is a video series, so if you want to watch it in all its glory, head over to https://youtu.be/z3EEAkjwcXA!To see episodes 2 & 3 when they launch next week, subscribe to the Good Fruit Faith ChannelThis podcast delves into the b
Episode 313: To Heal or To Harm: Making Sense of Weaponized Bible Verses feat. Steven Tracy
Send us Fan MailToday I'm talking with Dr. Steven Tracy, author of "To Heal or Harm," about how scripture has been twisted to keep abuse victims trapped. We're diving into passages that discuss things like, "wives submit," "God hates divorce," and "a gentle answer turns away wrath" to show what they actually mean in context. And spoiler alert: none
Episode 312: Why The Complementarian Bar for Men is in the Basement
Send us Fan MailWe're tackling three really problematic things that have happened recently with evangelical leaders that show just how low the bar has gotten for men. From Jonathan Podluka announcing he wants to sleep with multiple beautiful women, to pastors responding to Philip Yancey's affair by saying "it could be any of us," to Tim Challies telling people in miserable marr
Episode 311: The Misleading Tactics of Complementarianism feat. Lydia Kaiser
Send us Fan MailToday I'm talking with Lydia Grace about her incredible new book, Bible Truth About Women. Lydia grew up in the ultra-conservative IBLP circles and went to seminary to answer her own questions about what the Bible really says about women's roles. What she discovered was shocking: there are ore than 120 misleading tactics that complementarians use to prop up male authority
Episode 310: Desiring God Thinks Marriage Is Like Peddling Furiously on the Back of a Tandem Bike
Send us Fan MailWe're kicking off 2026 by teaching you how to think critically about Christian marriage and relationship advice! Rebecca and I walk through some really problematic articles and social media posts - from the Gospel Coalition's piece against therapy to Tilly Dillehay’s tandem bike marriage metaphor - and show you exactly why they make us feel unsafe. We'll teach you ho
Episode 309: Evangelicals Shouldn't Be Embarrassing: The Oklahoma Student's Essay and How Our Faith Has Changed
Send us Fan MailWe're coming full circle from our podcast on right-wing authoritarianism to talk about that viral Oklahoma student essay and why Christians rallying around bad arguments makes all Christians look terrible. Then Keith and I get vulnerable about how our faith has changed over the last few years—from realizing faith isn't just about beliefs, to understanding who Jesus actual
Episode 308: “We Respond to Crazy Pastor Clips” Pallooza!
Send us Fan MailKeith and I went through 10 clips from evangelical influencers and pastors that have been driving people crazy all year. We break down why Josh Howerton's claims about conservative mental health don't hold up, why blaming women for divorce is absurd, and how complementarian teaching about male authority actually contradicts what Jesus taught.JOIN OUR FUNDRAISING CAMPAIGN!
Episode 307: How the Stories of Missionary Kids Unmask the Myths of Evangelicalism (and Purity Culture!)
Send us Fan MailIt's episode 307 of the Bare Marriage podcast! Holly Fletcher joins us to talk about her AMAZING new book Missionary Kids. I devoured it in one sitting. We need to listen to the stories of these kids, because they're a microcosm of white evangelicalism!JOIN OUR FUNDRAISING CAMPAIGN!Help us raise money to fund our research, our new podcast docuseries, and our translation p
Episode 306: Thalidomide, Bad Marriage Books, and a Jesus Who Laughs
Send us Fan MailHappy American Thanksgiving! We're rerunning one of my favorite episodes from four years ago where Rebecca and I talk about what God is actually like—spoiler: He laughs and takes joy in life, not just suffers on the cross. We also dive into why our Great Sex Rescue research matters and address all those critiques about our methodology (and yes, we're now peer-reviewed, so
Episode 305: All the Problems with Complementarianism in a Nutshell--And How They Try to Make it Sound Pretty
Send us Fan MailComplementarians use a lot of really nice-sounding words to describe their beliefs about gender roles, but when you actually break down what they mean, they're not talking about roles at all—they're talking about hierarchy. In this episode, Keith and I decode all the euphemisms like "different roles," "servant leadership," and "his headship is for
Episode 304: Francine Rivers' And the Shofar Blew Part 2: What Can We Learn from Christian Fiction?
Send us Fan MailWe're diving into part two of our discussion on Francine Rivers' "And the Shofar Blew.” While Christian fiction can be inspirational, this novel reinforces dangerous theology about marriage, telling abuse victims to stay and suffer "better," portraying women who report pastoral abuse as liars, and presenting an incredibly sexist view of women's roles i
Episode 303: Francine Rivers' And the Shofar Blew—Let’s Examine Christian Romance Fiction Part 1
Send us Fan MailWe're doing something we've never done before—looking at a Christian fiction book to explore how fiction shapes our theology of marriage. Today we're discussing Francine Rivers' "And the Shofar Blew.” We're talking about how fiction doesn't give explicit advice but still profoundly influences our worldview about faith and marriage, and how even bo
Episode 302: For the Love of Women feat. Dorothy Greco
Send us Fan MailEver been told you're complaining too much about how women are treated because "things are so much better now"? Yeah, me too. In this episode, I sit down with journalist and author Dorothy Greco to talk about her new book For the Love of Women, and we dig into why sexism is absolutely still alive and well—and how it's affecting all of us in ways we might not eve
Episode 301: The 4 Categories of Euphemisms about Sex--that All Drive Us Batty!
Send us Fan Mail We're diving into the euphemisms used in Christian marriage books and by evangelical pastors, and when you translate them into actual language, it gets real creepy real fast. From Kevin Leman's "Mr. Happy" to Josh Butler's semen theology, these authors hide harmful messages behind flowery or vague language. When authors tell women to "give him a gift&
Celebrating Episode 300! With the Best of Becca's Bloopers and One Liners
Send us Fan MailWe're celebrating episode 300 with a "Best of Becca" compilation! Rebecca and I react to her most memorable moments from the past six years of podcasting—from rabid raccoons to pooping in the shower to Gerald not being able to slay dragons. We also reflect on how the evangelical landscape has shifted since we started, why we're no longer in "please speak up
Episode 299: What Does the Bible Say about Divorce for Abuse? Feat. Helen Paynter
Send us Fan MailDoes God really tell women they need to submit to abuse and stay in marriages where they're being raped and harmed? Today's interview with Dr. Helen Painter is one you need to hear—whether you're stuck in an abusive marriage getting horrible advice from your pastor, or you know someone who is. We're diving deep into what the Bible actually says about abuse and d
Episode 298: Purity Culture, Date Rape, and Porn: plus Joash Thomas and the Justice of Jesus
Send us Fan Mail Two major studies today prove what we've been saying: purity culture makes people unable to recognize marital and date rape as actual rape, and male porn use hurts women regardless of their attitude toward it—though religious women suffer more because of the scripts we've been given. Then I interview Joash Thomas about his book The Justice of Jesus, where he explains how
Episode 297: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting
Send us Fan MailIt's The Great Sex Rescue--but for parenting!The Christian parenting industry has been feeding us garbage for decades, and Keith and I sat down with Marissa Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting," to talk about how we got here.THE MYTH OF GOOD CHRISTIAN PARENTINGPre-Order the book now--and claim your amazing pre-order bonus
Episode 296: How to Avoid Inadvertently Giving Your Kids Sexual Hangups
Send us Fan MailWe all want to raise kids without sexual hang-ups, but a lot of Christian parents are accidentally creating the very problems they're trying to avoid. Rebecca and I dive into the three biggest ways this happens: being way too open about your own sex life with your kids (no, they don't need to know what you and your husband did last night), making a federal case out of nor
Episode 295: Does More Sex Make Marriage Happier?
Send us Fan MailWe're constantly told that more sex will fix our marriages, but the research tells a completely different story. When couples are simply told to increase frequency without addressing quality, satisfaction, and women's actual experiences, it often backfires and decreases desire altogether. The real predictor of marital happiness isn't how often you're having sex—
Episode 294: 4 Christian Women Talk Menopause--and Perimenopause!
Send us Fan MailI brought together three dear friends to have an honest conversation about perimenopause and menopause because so many of you have been asking about it. We shared our real stories and talked about the challenges like brain fog, weight changes, and sexual adjustments, and my dry eyes that nearly drove me crazy! But here's what I want you to know: menopause isn't just about
Episode 293: Better Ways to Read the Bible feat. Zach Lambert
Send us Fan MailWhat do you do when you WANT to love the Bible, but you find yourself feeling defeated, hopeless, unseen? What if all the things you’ve experienced in church and in the wider Christian community have left you feeling adrift when you open Scripture? Zach Lambert’s new book Better Ways to Read the Bible shows us that everything we’ve been taught about the Bible may actually be new wa
Episode 292: Hear Sheila Answer Men’s Questions about Healthy Marriage & Sexuality
Send us Fan MailRecently Sheila was on the Three Percent podcast, talking about what healthy marriage looks like. The hosts asked Sheila questions a lot of skeptical men had—so we thought the bigger Bare Marriage universe needed to hear this! Listen in as they play devil’s advocate, and ask the questions so many men have when they hear what we say about libido, about mental load, about porn, and m
Episode 291: How Professor Neil Reaches Young Men Stuck in Misogyny
Send us Fan MailSheila Wray Gregoire interviews Professor Neil, a popular social media creator who critiques toxic masculinity and problematic topics he finds in the manosphere. They discuss how certain Christian pastors and influencers spread harmful messages about gender roles, sex, and marriage that mirror incel ideology. Through reviewing harmful clips from pastors Josh Howerton & Josh McP
Episode 290: What Does Authoritarianism Have to Do with Complementarianism? (with a test!)
Send us Fan MailHow do we reach people still in evangelicalism about toxic teachings? I read an amazing book called On Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer which talks about how people get to be authoritarian, and the nature of authoritarians. And then shows (horrifyingly) how evangelicalism overlaps with authoritarianism! These insights can actually help us learn how to reach people still wading in to
Episode 289: Why Fiction Makes You a Better Person (Why We Don't Hate ALL Books!)
Send us Fan MailIn this season finale of the Bare Marriage Podcast, Rebecca, Joanna, Connor, and Josiah discuss the powerful benefits of reading fiction for personal growth, empathy development, and critical thinking. They share their personal journeys back to reading after University & adult life interrupted their childhood love of books, explore scientific research on how fiction affects the
Episode 288: Is Sex a Want or a Need?
Send us Fan MailIs sex is a human need within marriage? Let's address the tension between those who see "need" language as potentially coercive and those who feel legitimate sexual desires shouldn't be shamed. Psychological research does classify sex as a human need, but the real issue is how couples can co-create a reality for a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Rather
Episode 287: What is “Headship” in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11? Feat. Marg Mowczko
Send us Fan Mail In this episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, I am talking with Biblical Greek scholar Marg Mowczko about the true meaning of "headship" in the Bible. Marg reveals that the Greek word "kephale" (head) doesn't typically mean "leader" or "authority" in ancient literature, and that no verse actually commands men to lead their wives. Instea
Episode 286: Our Best Christian Dating Advice--that you've all been asking for!
Send us Fan MailAfter a recent social media AMA, we noticed a ton of you wanted us to tackle dating - red flags, green flags, how to choose a great partner. Rebecca and I have been avoiding this topic since we both married young and have limited adult dating experience, but we DO have evidence-based research to share. We're addressing why we need to stop telling singles "God is just teac
Episode 285: Are Soul Ties Real? Overcoming a Purity Culture Teaching
Send us Fan Mail“Soul ties” refers to the belief that when you have sex with someone, you are now joined in the spiritual realm, and that “tie” impedes your ability to ever experience freedom if you marry someone else. Often people claim you have to go through a specific prayer to break the tie, or an exorcism. But is this idea biblical? And does it help or hurt? Today Joanna Sawatsky shares our r
Episode 284: The Problems with the Book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley
Send us Fan MailLet's take a close look at the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley! Bethany Jantzi and Ngina Otiende join me to look at some of the things that we find problematic about the book--and explain why evangelicalism needs better resources!RESOURCES:Get our one-sheet download on His Needs, Her NeedsTO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our wo
Episode 283: When the Church Stole Your Sex Life
Send us Fan Mail What happens when church doesn’t seem safe? Or when, in retrospect, you realize it wasn’t, even if you threw yourself into it at the time? Today Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to talk about his new book Safe Church, and then Rebecca and Sheila read reader’s stories about how the church stole their sex lives—and what we can do about it. TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as
Episode 282: What Makes Men Cheat? New Research Spotlight
Send us Fan MailIt's time to walk through some super interesting studies that have recently been published--and see what they say about the intersection of infidelity and beliefs in male hierarchy. Keith joins Sheila to react to the studies!OUR SPONSOR:Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true commu
Episode 281: You Shouldn't Iron Your Cheating Husband's Clothes--Plus We Answer Your Questions!
Send us Fan MailIt's an Ask Me Anything episode! Keith and I open talking about the viral video where a woman claims that she felt called by God to iron her husband's clothes before he left for the weekend to be with his mistress. And then Rebecca and I answer your questions about drawing boundaries, dating, protecting kids from abuse in church, and more!OUR SPONSOR:Thank you to our spon
Episode 280: The Problems with the Book The Love Dare--And How It Papers Over Real Problems
Send us Fan MailThe Love Dare, based on the movie Fireproof, has been a huge best-selling marriage book for two decades. But does it actually contain good advice? Today on episode 280 of the Bare Marriage podcast, we show how The Love Dare simply regurgitates all the typical harmful evangelical marriage advice, telling women to make themselves smaller; never bring up issues; paper over problems; a
Episode 279: Saving Face: Finding My Self, God, and One Another Outside a Defaced Church (feat. Aimee Byrd)
Send us Fan MailWhat if vulnerability and authenticity are vital for true community? And what if we can never truly know God, and each other, until we know ourselves? It's episode 279 of the Bare Marriage podcast, featuring Aimee Byrd talking about her new book!Aimee Byrd's Book Saving Face Aimee Byrd's SubstackTO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support o
Episode 278: Why Don't Evangelical Women Want to Marry Evangelical Men?
Send us Fan MailAl Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, recently did a podcast bemoaning the fact that young women, unlike young men, are giving up on the "creation order" and abandoning marriage. But he distorts the argument, and misses the main problem: Women want to get married, but too many of the men available don't make good partners. WITH THANKS TO OUR
Episode 277: Why Emotions Aren't Feminine (and Why Women Aren't More Emotional!)
Send us Fan MailSo many evangelical pastors teach that men are rational while women are emotional. But is this true? And if women are more emotionally mature than men, then doesn't that mean that men need to learn from women? Listen in as Keith and Sheila dissect several clips from Josh Howerton, Emerson Eggerichs, Josh McPherson, and Matt Walsh.WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR:Beth Allison Barr&ap
Episode 276: Is Reading Romance Novels for Women the Same as Watching Porn?
Send us Fan MailWe know watching porn is wrong--but are romance novels just as bad? We've often heard that comparison made: Sure, guys watch porn, but remember that women read novels! Today Rebecca and I talk about when the comparison may be fair, and when it isn't. And we ask: how should we see romance novels or erotic novels? Listen in and see what you think--as we try to reason it thr
Episode 275: Becoming the Pastor's Wife feat. Beth Allison Barr
Send us Fan MailWhat if marriage replaced ordination as a woman's path to ministry? What if we've systematically erased the stories of women ministering in the past, and in so doing silenced women's voices and removed opportunities to serve Jesus? Today Beth Allison Barr joins us to talk about her new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife!REGISTER FOR OUR FREE WEBINARJoin Beth Alliso
Episode 274: The Marriage You Actually Want
Send us Fan MailThe Marriage You Want is LIVE! Our book launched this week, and in this week's podcast we take a broad, investigative look into the state of evangelical marriage publishing, and why there has very little change in the top 10 books in decades. Plus what it means to have SAFE and HEALTHY marriage advice! Come celebrate with us in episode 274 of Bare Marriage!THE MARRIAGE YOU WAN
Episode 273: Are Traditionally Christian Marriages Linked to More Immaturity? The Data Speaks!
Send us Fan MailIt's episode 273 of the Bare Marriage podcast! We found that certain beliefs are correlated most with emotional immaturity--passive aggressiveness; outbursts of anger; emotional dysregulation. In our research for our book The Marriage You Want, we found that when couples believe the husband should have the tie breaking vote, they score lower on maturity.Is this because emotio
Episode 272: Is "Acts of Service" Love Language Really a Cry for Help? All New Bonus Stats!
Send us Fan MailWhat if the "acts of service" love language is masking something else--the totally unequal division of labor that many couples have, and Gary Chapman ignores? Plus does the "physical touch" love language mask something wrong in the bedroom? ALL NEW BONUS STATS today! Some of them aren't even in the new book!PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANTPre-Order on AmazonGe
Episode 271: What the Unfairness Threshold Tells Us About Marriage (and Mental Load!)
Send us Fan MailPREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANTPre-Order on AmazonGet other links to Pre-OrderSend in your preorder receipt to preorder@marriageyouwantbook.comTO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko FoundationAnd check out our Merch, or any of our courses!Join our emai
Episode 270: What Does Prioritizing Marriage Look Like? Plus Do You Have to Choose Between Being a Good Wife and a Good Mom?
Send us Fan MailPrioritizing your marriage can be tough. How do we spend enough time together? Do we need more date nights? And MOMS—don’t forget to be a wife first and a mom second! But in all this talk, are we missing the bigger point? If we’re functioning as a team, doing life together, then affection will grow. But if you see your kids as threats to your marriage, or think you can connect with
Episode 269: The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs—and Why Compromise Doesn’t Work
Send us Fan MailEver tried to find a compromise when you’re having an argument—but even the compromise doesn’t seem fair? In today’s podcast we explain why—using what we call The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs. We talk about this in our new book The Marriage You Want! Basically, compromise only works if you both start off on equal footing. But if one of you is already doing more than their fair share
Episode 268: Why Data Shows That Teamwork, Not Hierarchy, Is the Key to a Great Marriage!
Send us Fan MailWhat is the biggest key to a great marriage? Teamwork! Let’s talk about how teamwork is associated with all the good outcomes we want for marriage—better sex; feeling close; resolving conflict—everything! But complementarianism, on the other hand, is associated with all the bad outcomes. Good outcomes and bad outcomes tend to travel together—and complementarianism travels with the
Episode 267: Why Evangelical Marriage Advice Often Backfires
Send us Fan MailIn our research looking at marital and sexual satisfaction among evangelicals, we’ve found that over and over again our best-selling books, and our megachurch pastors, teach things that are shown to lead to worse outcomes. Why? What’s going on? In today’s podcast we share the faulty premise that is at the heart of evangelical marriage advice, and the four toxic teachings that flow
Episode 266: Demolishing the Love and Respect Dichotomy Definitively (with Data)
Send us Fan MailThe idea that men need respect while women need love has been treated as gospel truth in the evangelical world. Best-sellers have been written based on it; it informs almost every marriage sermon. What if it’s not true? Using data from our marriage survey of 7000 people, we show how reality is very different—and what this means for how we should talk about marriage! TO SUPPORT USJo
Episode 265: Culture Wars vs. Jesus: How to Not Get Sucked in To Toxic Teachings
Send us Fan MailSo many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rathe
Episode 264: It’s the Peer Reviewed Celebration! Plus a Plea to Respect Science
Send us Fan MailOur big announcement: We’re peer-reviewed! Our dataset for The Great Sex Rescue has now appeared in the November 2024 Sociology of Religion Journal. So let’s talk about what we found, but also ask: why are evangelicals so quick to dismiss science, but at the same time cling to bad interpretations of data if it suits their agenda? Can we become better critical thinkers? COMING IN 20
Episode 263: Even After Everything—Loving Anyway, Despite the Risks
Send us Fan MailAdvent is normally a time of hopeful expectation. But what does it mean when our hopes have been dashed in the past? Stephanie Duncan Smith shares her stories of miscarriages and losses—as well as great celebrations, and what it means to embrace a life that is really messy. And we look at how we can celebrate the Incarnation by being Jesus’ hands and feet, seeing the work fighting
Episode 262: Problems with Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans
Send us Fan MailJimmy Evans started XO Marriage over 30 years ago, and his book Marriage on the Rock became a best-seller. He leads marriage conferences around the country. But for years he also Mark Driscoll on his leadership team. He got his start at Gateway Church under Robert Morris, who has been accused of grooming and sexually abusing a teen girl, starting when she was 12. And more recently
Episode 261: Her Rites: The 6 Rites of Passage in a Woman’s Life feat. Christy Bauman
Send us Fan MailEver feel like your body is a stranger to you? Like you’re plagued with insecurity, can’t find peace in your relationships? What if it’s because we’re running away from part of who we are, and we haven’t been able to honor who God made us to be? Christy Bauman, a licensed therapist, noticed in her counseling that her clients often didn’t have a clear identity or were able to articu
Episode 260: Shame Must Switch Sides: It’s Not Shameful to NOT Want Pornified Sex
Send us Fan MailGisele Pelicot famously said that "shame must switch sides"--and I think that applies to the evangelical church! Over and over again over the last few years ,when male teachers have presented a pornified view of sex and women have said "no", women have been accused of being prudes. But it is okay to reject objectification. A close look at Josh Butler, Gary Thoma
Episode 259: Avoiding Power Struggles with Your Kids (Plus are you an unintentionally permissive parent?)
Send us Fan MailDo you find yourself in constant power struggles with your kids? Do you feel like your kids too often set the terms of their cooperation? Or are you worried that you are too hard and demanding on them? Well today I talk with Wendy Snyder, a positive parenting coach, as we get into the nitty gritty of how to find that balance between being authoritarian and overly permissive. Cut th
Episode 258: They’re Coming After Bluey Now? What’s Wrong with Involved Fathers?
Send us Fan MailWhy are writers for The Gospel Coalition coming after the dad in the cartoon series Bluey? He’s an involved dad who loves his kids. Why are they so offended? Rick Pidcock joins Rebecca and Connor Lindenbach for a deep dive—and then Rebecca and Connor talk more about our anemic view of fatherhood. TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax d
Episode 257: Little Girls in Church Parking Lots in BaptistLand
Send us Fan MailChrista Brown was sexually assaulted dozens of times by her youth pastor when she was 15. She was made to repent and apologize to his wife. The pastor just got moved around from church to church for decades. When Christa’s daughter reached the same age Christa was when she was assaulted, she went public—and started the movement to push the SBC towards accountability for the sexual
Episode 256: How Should You Handle the Sex Talk with Your Kids?
Send us Fan MailTalking to your kids about sex & puberty is awkward! And over the years the church has made some big mistakes. Today we talk about how to avoid the biggest ones--and some encouragement for how to do this with as little awkwardness as possible.OUR SEX AND PUBERTY COURSE:Check out our revamped version of The Whole Story--our sex and puberty course for parents to share with kids.
Episode 255: For Our Daughters—Plus Why Sex Abuse Scandals Keep Happening
Send us Fan MailWe aren’t going to fix the abuse crisis in the church until we deal with the underlying beliefs that actually enable abuse. Today Kristin Kobes Du Mez joins us to talk about her new documentary For Our Daughters, which shows how beliefs about gender, power and politics that are rampant in the church actually contribute to abuse. And Pastor Trey Ferguson joins us to comment on a rec
Episode 254: The 5 Myths of Purity Culture with Dr. Camden Morgante
Send us Fan MailWe know purity culture hurt so many of us. But how do we actually move on and recover from purity culture? Today Dr. Camden Morgante joins us to look at the 5 myths of purity culture, and how to heal and get to the other side!OUR FREE WEBINAR!Join Rebecca and me as we host Camden for a FREE webinar looking more into these myths, where we find them, and where we go from here! It&apo
Episode 253: The 93% Myth: That Stat That Says Fathers Are More Important Than Mothers Is Made Up!
Send us Fan MailEver heard the stat from “a recent study” that found that, when a husband comes to Christ first, in 93% of cases the wife and kids follow, but when the wife comes to Christ first, it’s only 17%? Today Beth Allison Barr and Miranda Zapor Cruz, both academics looking into gender relations in church, join me to try to track down the source. Spoiler alert: People seem to have made this
Episode 252: Flourishing Families
Send us Fan MailWe're all about healthy advice for marriage and sex. But what if evangelical teachings around parenting have also been messed up? And how can we parent in a healthy way? David and Amanda Erickson join us to talk about their new book The Flourishing Family, based on Scripture, brain science, attachment theory, and more. THIS is how we should parent! OUR SPONSOREver, AJ: Uniquel
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