I Am The Cute One
Each week, Donny Hadfield and Chelsea Rivers chat about movies, gossip about pop culture and current events, but mostly they overshare, trauma dump, and embarrass themselves publicly. The podcast is described as the most chaotic school dance in the podcast universe, where talking trash is a love language.
Episodes
TGIF 8/21/26: The Cuties Let Santa Take Credit For All of the Wonderful Gifts!
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TGIF 8/14/26: The Cuties Are... DING DING DING BORING!!!!
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TGIF 8/7/26 (w/ Phillip Solomon): The Cuties Go to a Hilary Duff Concert!
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TGIF 7/31/26: The Cuties Read Yesteryear!
PLEASE NOTE: YESTERYEAR SPOILERS AT MINUTE 23 UNTIL MINUTE 27!!!! LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!
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TGIF 7/24/26: The Cuties Say Dear Algo, No More Jimothy!
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TGIF 7/17/26: The Cuties Are Watching Big Brother Season 28!
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TGIF 7/10/26: The Cuties Hate Lars and The Real Girl!
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TGIF 7/3/26: The Cuties Want You to Sh*t Your Pants with Dignity!
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TGIF 6/26/26: The Cuties Love Echo Chambers!
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TGIF 6/19/26: The Cuties Pack for Michigan!
Don't forget to check out a FREE episode of Birthday Brother on our Youtube channel!
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TGIF 6/12/26: The Cuties Look like Thumbs!
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TGIF 6/5/26: The Cuties Wish Upon a Pickle!
Chelsea's Patreon Birthday Party will be taking place on Wednesday, June 10th at 9 PM EST (This week's BB40 episode will air at 8:30 as a Pre-game!) Go to patreon for more details!
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TGIF 5/29/26: The Cuties Learn About Sheep!
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TGIF 5/22/26: The Cuties Have Ugly Feet!
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TGIF 5/15/26: The Cuties Go to France!
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TGIF 5/8/26: The Cuties CANNONBALL!
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TGIF 5/1/26: The Cuties are Team #Jemily!
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TGIF 4/24/26: The Cuties Eat Butt!
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TGIF 4/17/26: The Cuties Make a Pixar Movie!
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TGIF 4/10/26: The Cuties Love Athletic Nuns!
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The Cuties Give an Important Update!
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TGIF 4/3/26: The Cuties Talk About Amanda & West!
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Chloe (The Cuties Talk Shit About #BoyMoms!)
Donny Appreciation is coming to an end, and to celebrate, the Cuties have decided the lesser-known Amanda Seyfried movie of their choice is Chloe, the 2010 erotic thriller about a gynecologist hiring a hooker to seduce her husband. The plight of women! The movie gets the two talking about different race dopplegangers, Avian bottles, and anxious peeing. Also, as will probably happen for the next 7
TGIF 3/27/26: The Cuties Survived BB40!
The Cuties may be here in body, but in spirit? They may never return. BB40 is over, and Donny and Chelsea are worn OUT - and if Chelsea thought she'd be making up on sleep now that she's home, the roofers in her neighborhood beg to differ. But at least Donny is able to make up on missed meals with the chocolate chips (or mouse poop?!) on his desk. Be patient; we're scared!
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Ben and Me (The Cuties Don't Have Syphilis!)
It's possible you've seen this movie - it's about Ben Franklin, for God's sake!
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TGIF 3/20/26: The Cuties Celebrate Donny's Birthday!
Donny is knee deep in BB40 last minute prep, so enjoy this Survivor re-release that originally aired on Patreon.
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The Skeleton Key (The Cuties Won't Go in Hot Topic!)
This week, Chelsea and Donny continue Donny Appreciation Month by covering Kate Hudson’s best work, “The Skeleton Key.” While covering the movie that Donny’s been spoiling for the past four years, they also debate how much is too much when it comes to home decor, accent work worse than Emma Watson’s, and the link between Snapchat filters and beastiality. After all - don’t it always go… don’t it al
TGIF 3/13/26: The Cuties Don't Understand Meth Labs!
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Swimfan (The Cuties Start a Cult!)
This episode originally aired 9/23/24.
After the Cute Ones fight about Lifetime movie look-a-likes and Tony Danza appearing gay, they spend the time figuring out who is the Crazy One as they cover the 2002 feminist flop, Swimfan. They spend the hour comparing their motives for being nuts, contemplating if Donny is having a midlife crisis, praying for the release of Jesse Bradford and Azealia B
TGIF 3/6/26: The Cuties Think Scream 7 Was Good!
Chelsea may be full of crap (especially at the bus stop), but the urologist said Donny being full of piss seems fine without him even having to pee in a bucket. Also, the ratings have spoken: Scrubs and Scream 7 are great! If you agree (or if you don’t), subscribe to their Patreon - after all, Donny doesn’t ask for much!
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My Date with the President's Daughter (The Cuties Think One of the Lawrence Brothers is Ugly!)
Chelsea Clinton’s been listening to the podcast, and the Cute Ones assume she’s been asking them to watch My Date With the President’s Daughter, and if she’s not - Donny’s middle school homeroom teacher has been. Or at least Chelsea’s lazy eye is.
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TGIF 2/27/26: The Cuties Text the Wrong Person!
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Brokeback Mountain (The Cuties Hate Soup!)
We wish we knew how to quit you! To end Tears and Queers month, the Cute Ones are watching the should-be Oscar winner, “Brokeback Mountain.” A quick note: Chelsea knew it would be a hit even though she didn’t know it took place in the past. They also discuss their hatred of outdoor activities, the diobolical diet of beans for bottoms, childhood trauma about getting sick, and disgust over clam parm
TGIF 2/20/26: The Cuties Fight with Ticketmaster!
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A Walk to Remember (The Cuties Have Flesh Colored Lips!)
Chelsea and her flesh-colored lips needed a mental health break this week, so Donny pushed back covering “Brokeback Mountain” until next week (but maybe he’s just hazing her?), so they’re watching “A Walk to Remember” instead. They also talk about how Chelsea embarrassed herself recently and what glee character she’s most like.
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TGIF 2/13/26: The Cuties Rob a Bank and You'll Never Believe Why!
Unedited episode runtime: 1 hour 4 minutes
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Stand By Me (The Cuties Learn a New Slur!)
Donny tried his best to like “Stand By Me,” but… meh. But maybe that’s because he just didn’t get it (his notes back that up). Before diving into this movie, the two take a moment to highlight the magic that is The Hot Chick and Blueberries For Sal. Then, they discuss the horrors of being Type B and bond over new slurs. What ya gonna do, Ike?
(Unedited Runtime: 1 hour 18 minutes) To access AD F
TGIF 1/6/26: The Cuties Subtweet Their Friends!
Chelsea’s safe (so far) from the plague terrorizing her home, but her haircut isn’t safe from Donny’s shade. In a week that had Miss Piggy sitting with Vogue, the Toxic Moms supporting Hilary Duff, and the trailer for The Drama releasing, the duo discuss the rules of picking movies with friends, cults, and Trixie and Katya’s podcast. They also try to figure out why so many straight women are obses
The Bridge to Terabithia (The Cuties Are the First Toymakers to the King!)
Donny's whispering again and another one of Chelsea's girls is ... not in boarding school, but does have the stomach bug. It's Week 1 of Tears and Queers Month, and the Cute Ones are watching "Bridge to Terabithia" (meh). They also discuss the best child actress of all time, Bailee Madison, washable Sharpies, and cleaning your house. Also, Chelsea tells a Dr. Bald dating story.
Full, unedited r
TGIF 1/30/26: The Cuties Play Where's Waldo!
In solidarity with the National General Strike, the release of this episode was changed to 1/31/26. Stop funding Ice.
Resources to donate your time/energy to:
https://www.waimmigranthealth.org/immigration-action-center/red-card/- Print red cards to share / know your rights!
Democracy.io - Allows you to look up your representatives & write emails to them all at once
5calls.org - Find your legi
Hope Floats: The Cuties Brainstorm the Best Ways to Beat Up 8 Year Olds!
Chelsea’s going through it, even though this is a simple romp, but Donny isn’t feeling any emotions at all because it’s about Southern people. Not now, Mama!
Dr. Phil's insane house: https://www.boredpanda.com/doctor-phil-house-for-sale-interior-details/
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TGIF 1/23/26: The Cuties Stand with Posh Spice!
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Annie (The Cuties Sleep on Decorative Pillows!)
Holy cannoli! Chelsea’s dressed like an orphan today, so you know what that means - the Cuties are covering (just) Annie. The two gush over the star that is Quvenzhané Wallis (certainly not Mariah’s twins), FDR propaganda, and the soundtrack at large. They also vent about not being invited on family vacations and the cost of steak (Suze Orman agrees, probably.)
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TGIF 1/16/26: The Cuties Strike it Rich with Oil, Gold, and Fracking!
Now that’s a horse of a different color! To prepare for this episode, Donny purchased rave lighting and Chelsea decided to bring art to life with a recreation of the painting made of her a few weeks ago. Besides praising their own backgrounds, the two also bond over tattoos, baptisms, and vision boards. Also, they dive into the week’s hottest headlines: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s dislikes of eac
Jumanji (The Cuties Alienate Several Fanbases!)
Chelsea and Donny watched Jumanji three weeks ago, but they're here to cover it this week. Let's hope they know what they're talking about (they don't). But they do know Robin Williams does one hell of a Nell impression and the plot of the problematic Soul Man. They also know that cheaters need to be punished.
This episode is sponsored by Lumi Gummies. Head to LumiGummies.com, and use code CUTE
TGIF 1/9/26: The Cuties Get Bullied by Ashley Tisdale's Mom Group!
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New Year, Same Us! (The Cuties Get Sober!)
Happy New Year! Donny is moving into his new apartment today, so we’re publicly releasing an edited version of the sobriety episode that originally aired on the Patreon. Donny discusses his experience with drinking, his aha moment, and Leighton Meester’s beauty secrets.
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TGIF 1/2/26: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 2!
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I'll Be Home for Christmas (The Cuties Read e.e. cummings!)
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TGIF 12/26/25: The Cuties' Choice Awards Part 1!
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Home For The Holidays (The Cuties Look like the Cynthia Doll!)
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TGIF 12/19/25: The Cuties Stop Edging and J*zz All Over the Place!
It’s been a week for the world, including Chelsea and Donny: Chelsea tried a new diet curtesy of her eldest daughter, and Donny discovered who is upstaging him on his birthday. But enough is enough, and the two have decided to stop edging and just let it loose with their opinions on the White House staff, the backstories of men, and Nelly. (Smile for me, Daddy. Whatcha lookin at? Little House on t
Edward Scissorhands (The Cuties Play Knock Knock Zoom Zoom!)
Gen X freaks, brace yourselves. Someone watched “Edward Scissorhands” for the first time, and hated it, and that boy… was Donny. Chelsea, on the other hand, has a soft spot for this film, but still read it for filth by coming for the Avon Lady’s parenting and asking many questions about the logistics of scissor hands,. But fret not - they have nothing but love for white trash snacks. See you at Ta
TGIF 12/12/25: The Cuties Do a Hard Launch!
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Krampus (The Cuties Love Melanie Lynskey!)
Don't get tricked by Chelsea's football uniform; the Cute Ones aren't covering Rudy this week - their holiday movie line up has begun, and this week, it's Krampus! Chelsea had major issues with the parenting in this movie, but not as much as she had a problem with horror films, in general. Important question: what fun toy can Donny get for a 5 month old that he can also play with? But more impor
TGIF 12/5/25: The Cuties are NOT Role Models!
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The Holiday w/ Ryan Sichelstiel (The Cuties Love Foreplay!)
This episode originally aired 12/18/22.
To cover "The Holiday," Ryan Sichelstiel (@rysic) signs up to do a house swap of his own, but finds he'll be staying in Hell as he spends the hour with a flu-ridden Chelsea and Donny, who are hopped up on NyQuil and hot toddies, respectively. White Lotus-inspired fan theories, fat holes, Viagra sponsorships, and Imogeon Heap sing-a-longs are brought up in
TGIF 11/28/25: The Cuties Smoke the Devil's Lettuce with Bob the Drag Queen!
(Stick around for the end for a special update from Donny!)
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Life-Size (The Cuties Keep Picking Up the Field Mice and Bopping Them on the Head!)
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TGIF 11/21/25: The Cuties Speak Labubu!
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The First Wives Club w/ @Lucyontheground (The Cuties Eat Tuna Fish!)
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TGIF 11/14/25: The Cuties Decorate for Christmas!
Cuties, do you want to hear about our dreams? If not, Chelsea may break up with you on a golf course. What we do want to hear about is Lea Michele stealing the roles from childhood friends. Scott Kelly, if you need a job, send the Cute Ones an email. Stephanie Sanchez needs an assistant. Gatekeep. Girl boss. Shin kick.
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Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (The Cuties C-U-P!)
The Cute Ones are cathargic this week as they cover the Karen Goldberg movie that everyone needs, Sister Act 2. The duo reminisce about middle school pranks, discuss what food they could eat every day, and plan the opening for their live show. Also, why was Delores needed at the school in this movie? Victor, did we mess anything up? If not, we promise to wake up and pay attention next time.
To
TGIF 11/7/25: The Cuties Howl at the Moon!
Chelsea almost unalived by a bee and got caught in a shootout this week and Donny looked like James Corden in the Cats movie, but they’re both here now to cover this week’s hottest headlines: the Dodgers won the World Series, Carly Rae Jepsen is pregnant, Jessica Lange announced her return to American Horror Story, and Zohran Mamdani became the Mayor-Elect of New York City! Also, Chelsea and Donny
The Running Man (The Cuties Use a BowFlex Machine!)
Chelsea has done it again. The Cute Ones are watching The Running Man, a movie that hits a little too close to home. So instead, Donny forces the duo to cover Adam Sandler’s Click for five minutes. Then, Chelsea tries to get two months in a row where she picks the movies and Donny gets horned up about the Louvre robbers enough to plan what sounds he’d make if he was in porn. Also, manifestation wo
TGIF 10/31/25: The Cuties Saw You From Across the Bar and Like Your Vibe!
Tell me about it, Stud. Donny and Chelsea are in their finest Grease costumes to cover the week’s hottest headlines, as well as discuss their weeks, including Donny being left alone in a haunted house and Chelsea being haunted by a smoke detector. Also, Kim Kardashian gave bush panties to orphans while her sister is making vag lollipops. And the most important news you’ll hear this week… Ariana Gr
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (The Cuties Love a Transatlantic Accent!)
Chelsea and Donny finish spooky season strong, with the Bette Davis/Joan Crawford psycho-biddy hit, "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" You'll notice the duo are not in costumes, but they want to save June and Blanche costumes for a Halloween live show in the future. They also discuss Emma Stone's new movie, Mall World merch, and the slurs not allowed to be used in the Rivers household. And there is
TGIF 10/24/25: The Cuties are Terrorized by Smoke Alarms!
The Cute Ones have been blocked in Russia, so instead of playing music this week, Chelsea is doing us all a favor by singing. Someone needs to do Donny a favor by buying him a sleep apnea machine because he fell asleep in the movie theater this week. Also, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato released new music and the floating pumpkin race was a smashing (pumpkin) success.
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Desperate Housewives (The Cuties Drop a Surprise Bonus Episode!)
SURPRISE! Please enjoy this sneak peek of our bonus content, usually exclusively over on our Patreon!
FOR THE REST OF OUR DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES COVERAGE, subscribe to our Patreon!
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Casper (The Cuties Join the Root Beer Float Club!)
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TGIF 10/17/25: The Cuties Look Like They're in Their Forties!
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Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (The Cuties Give Josh Hartnett a Better Name!)
Chelsea and Donny are continuing spooky season by covering the non-gorn 1998 horror film, Halloween: H20 (famously not starring Shannen Doherty). Then, they try to dig in to what being compared to Winnie from “The Wonder Years” means before lamenting about the fears of old people. To any headmistresses listening to this episode: what are your responsibilities exactly? Because Donny and Chelsea hav
TGIF 10/10/25: The Cuties Go To Mall World!
Chelsea and Donny react to Wendy Osefo's arrest - IN REAL TIME - before discussing Donny's schedule to see Wicked: For Good five times in theaters, having a Fat Sister marathon, and the duo's thoughts on Renee Rapp in concert. Also... Chelsea goes to Mall World because why wouldn't she?
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Innocent Blood (The Cuties Celebrate Laura Bush!)
You know what they always say: every witch needs a ghost, so to start off spooky season, Donny and Chelsea are breaking down a movie without witches or ghosts - the vampire mafia classic, “Innocent Blood” (and how Vanessa Hudgens’ ‘Sneakernight’ ties in). But first - they recap “Aristocats.” Also, they touch on what plot lines have been missing for Athena Grant in 9-1-1, Shutterfly editing, and w
TGIF 10/3/25: The Cuties Live Like a Showgirl!
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B*A*P*S (The Cuties Want to Know Which Celebrity You've Been Told You Look Like!)
Donny and Chelsea are covering the cult classic that Roger Ebert called "jaw droppingly bad" - B*A*P*S, starring the AWARD WINNING ACTRESS, Halle Berry (although Chelsea doesn't think she should be). The duo hope to win a contest - white t-shirt or otherwise, but they'll settle for a $4 cocktail or a glass of toilet water. Happy Belated Bi Visibility Day! Where are the abs?
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TGIF 9/26/25: The Cuties Get Raptured!
Chelsea is at a funeral, and maybe we're celebrating yours because it's the I AM THE CUTE ONE RAPTURE SPECIAL! If you plan on being raptured, please send us your bank account information and let us sublet your apartment. With everyone raptured, at least we'll still get the Wicked press tour because... well...
Also, we get a Aunt Becky reveal!
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SE7EN (The Cuties Get into Journaling!)
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?! A head. And what's in this episode? A lot of chaos.
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TGIF 9/19/25: The Cuties Know What You Did Last Summer
Donny had phone issues this week, and Chelsea had math problems. But they're here now, with Aunt Becky on the way, and they're talking about Jen Affleck's Dunkin commercial and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Who are we fxcking up this time?
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To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (The Cuties Shart on Nancy Kerrigan!)
"To Wong Foo" - famously not an action movie (or maybe not so famously? Ask Dr. Bald) , but one of Patrick Swayze's many "f** stuff" movies - is what the Cute Ones are covering this week. Thank you, Patreon Cuties! They discuss what they'd do before ever inviting strangers on road trips, America's Next Top Butthole, and the best songs from Barney the Dinosaur.
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