boy meets therapy
Ever wondered how therapy really works when you take out all the fluff? In this podcast, we sit down with licensed therapists to explore the tools they use in modern therapy, using language you can actually understand. Along the way, we get to know the clinicians behind the work, uncovering their insights, experiences, and what drives them to help others. Whether you’re curious about therapy, seeking mental health tips, or just love deep conversations, we’d love to have you join us.
Episodes
How to Get Over a Crush on a Straight Friend | Therapist Q&Gay
NYC therapist and host of boy meets therapy podcast Dustin answers questions from viewers submitted via Instagram.
This week, we talk about crushes on our straight friends and accepting that you may not be a match with someone after dating for two weeks.
Submit a question via email (boymeetstherapy@gmail.com) or Instagram (@boymeetstherapy).
*Note that these episodes are for entertain
Gay Voice and the Psychology of Sounding Gay
Why do some gay men “sound gay”? And can people actually tell someone’s sexuality just by hearing their voice?
In this episode, we look at the psychology and science of the “gay voice,” from auditory gaydar and the vocal characteristics researchers have studied to where these speech patterns might come from. We also explore what happens when your voice can reveal something about you before you’re
Gays Say I Love You Too Soon? | Therapist Q&Gay
NYC therapist and host of boy meets therapy podcast Dustin answers questions from viewers submitted via Instagram.
This week, we look at the romanticization of someone who doesn't feel the same way and what happens when we want to say "I love you" after one week of dating.
Submit a question via email (boymeetstherapy@gmail.com) or Instagram (@boymeetstherapy).
*Note that these episodes
The Psychology of Gay Hookup Culture
Hookup culture is one of the most visible, debated, and misunderstood parts of gay male culture, but what does psychology actually tell us about it?
In this episode, we explore the psychology of gay hookup culture, including how it developed, why gay male hookup culture is unique, and the psychological processes that can shape our experiences with casual sex. We look at sexual motivation, dopamine
Gay Friends are Superficial and Only Want to Hookup? | Therapist Q&Gay
NYC therapist and host of boy meets therapy podcast Dustin answers questions from viewers submitted via Instagram.
This week, we explore the frustrations of not being able to connect with other gays in a plutonic way. We also explore someone who claims that they want a relationship but can't find time in their busy schedule to accommodate one.
Submit a question via email (boymeetstherapy@gmai
Gay Men and the Almost Relationship
This episode, we explore the psychology of what I'm calling the "almost" relationship. An almost relationship is a connection that became psychologically significant before it became clearly defined. It had enough reality for your mind to begin organizing around it, but ended before it developed into an established relationship.
Drawing from cognitive psychology, we explain why unfinished relatio
Do We Ever Overcome Internalized Homophobia? | Therapist Q&Gay
NYC therapist and host of boy meets therapy podcast Dustin answers questions from viewers submitted via Instagram.
This week, we answer questions about overcoming internalized homophobia and fear of intimacy, looking for a relationship when you've never been in one, and when your friends aren't making plans with you.
Submit a question via email (boymeetstherapy@gmail.com) or Instagram (@boym
Gay Men and Compartmentalization
Have you ever felt like different parts of your life are separate from each other? Like how you are with your friends is wildly different from how you are with others?
In this episode, we explore the psychology of compartmentalization through the lens of gay male development. Why do so many gay men feel like different people around family, at work, on dates, or in relationships? How do concealmen
Am I Attractive Enough for a Boyfriend? | Therapist Q&Gay
Nyc therapist and host of boy meets therapy podcast Dustin answers questions from viewers submitted via Instagram.
This week, we answer questions about feeling attractive or prepared enough for a relationship and losing an important friend group.
Submit a question via email (boymeetstherapy@gmail.com) or Instagram (@boymeetstherapy).
Connect with boy meets therapy:
Instagram:
Gay Men and the Confusion of Friendship and Romance
Many gay men have experienced this question at some point: Do I actually like him, or do I just feel close to him?
In this episode, we explore why it can be surprisingly difficult to distinguish friendship from romance, and why this confusion may be especially common among gay men. We examine how our early experiences of attraction, friendship, and belonging often become intertwined, how emotional
Gay Men and the Obsession with Pop Stars
Why do so many gay men have “their” pop star?
From Britney and Madonna to Gaga and Beyoncé, pop stars have occupied a unique place in gay culture for decades. This episode goes beyond music, fandom, and stereotypes to explore the psychology behind those attachments.
Why do certain artists become so important to us? Why do we defend them so fiercely? Why do so many gay men connect with female pop s
The Psychology of Grindr
Grindr is one of the most psychologically fascinating spaces in the modern gay community. Within minutes, a person can experience attraction, rejection, validation, excitement, disappointment, hope, and loneliness.
In this episode, we explore the psychology behind Grindr and other hookup apps. Topics include intermittent reinforcement, anticipation, fantasy, social comparison, attention, connecti
Gay Men and the Weight of Longing
Why do some of us spend so much of our lives longing for what they don't have?
In this episode, we explore the psychology of longing. From relationships and belonging to future possibilities and unlived experiences, longing is one of the most common yet least discussed parts of being human. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, and LGBTQ development, this episode examines why longing exists, why
Gay Men and the Parallel Life
Many gay men do not simply grieve relationships, opportunities, or experiences. Sometimes we grieve entire developmental pathways: The city you never moved to. The relationship that almost happened. The friend group you thought you would find. The version of yourself that might have emerged if you had come out sooner.
Drawing on research in counterfactual thinking, narrative identity, ambiguous lo
Gay Men and the Fantasy Relationship
Have you ever been devastated by someone you barely dated? Found yourself unable to stop thinking about a situationship, an emotionally unavailable partner, or a relationship that never fully became real? In this episode of boy meets therapy, we explore the psychology of the fantasy relationship and why connections built on possibility can feel so emotionally powerful.
This conversation dives into
The Psychology of Gay Aging
What does aging mean in a community that often feels organized around youth, desirability, and reinvention?
In this episode, Dustin explores the psychology of aging in the gay community and why it can feel different for many gay men. From “twink death” jokes and body image pressure to loneliness, chosen family, delayed development, and the fear of running out of time, we unpack what may actually s
Beyond Coming Out: What Happens Next?
It's PRIDE month!
If you've ever wondered about the origins of Pride month in June, I'm gonna give you the shortest, most followable explanation. After, we're jumping right into coming out!
For many Gay and Queer people, coming out is sold to us as the moment everything finally clicks. You stop hiding, become confident, find your people, start dating, and finally feel like yourself. But what happ
The Psychology of Gay Code-Switching
What is code-switching, and how does it affect your mental health?
In this solo episode, host Dustin explores the psychology of code-switching, the process of adjusting your behavior, personality, or identity depending on your environment. Using research from Minority Stress Theory and studies on identity and authenticity, we break down why people code-switch and how it can lead to stress, burnout
Chronic Pain and Mind-Body Connection with Sean Hershey
In this conversation, therapist Sean Hershey explores the complex relationship between emotional, psychological, and physical aspects of chronic pain. Discover how repressed emotions and self-connection play a crucial role in healing and how mind-body approaches can transform understanding and treatment.
Connect with Sean Hershey, LCSW:
Instagram: @my_gay_therapist
Website: www.mindbodymedicine
The War on Gay Femininity
Why is femininity often devalued among gay men and where do those preferences actually come from?
In this episode, host Dustin breaks down the psychology of masculinity, femininity, and attraction using a clinical lens. Moving beyond surface-level “preference” debates, this conversation explores how gender expression, early social experiences, and cultural reinforcement shape what we’re drawn to a
Religious Trauma in the LGBTQ Community, Part 3: How to Move Forward
In Part 3 of this series, we focus on what it actually looks like to start shifting the patterns many LGBTQ people carry after growing up in environments where identity and belonging were in conflict. From self-monitoring and difficulty trusting yourself to complicated relationships with desire and discomfort, this episode breaks down how change happens in a way that’s realistic and grounded.
We c
Religious Trauma in the LGBTQ Community, Part 2: What It Feels Like
Religious trauma doesn’t always show up in obvious ways.
In Part 2 of this series, host and therapist Dustin speaks on how we move beyond definitions and patterns and focus on what religious trauma actually feels like. These are the experiences that often go unnamed but shape how you think, relate, and move through the world.
For many LGBTQ people, it’s not just what you believe, it’s how you expe
Religious Trauma in the LGBTQ Community, Part 1: The Signs and Patterns You Carry
Religious trauma doesn’t always end when you leave religion or come out. For many LGBTQ people, the patterns formed early on continue to shape how you think, feel, and relate to others.
In Part 1 of this 3-part series, Dustin breaks down the hidden psychological patterns of religious trauma in the LGBTQ community. From chronic shame and hypervigilance to perfectionism, emotional disconnection, and
Transgender Voice Training: Finding Vocal Euphoria with Nicole Gress of Undead Voice
In this conversation, Dustin and Speech-Language Pathologist Nicole Gress discuss the intricate relationship between voice, identity, and the experiences of trans individuals. They explore the challenges of voice dysphoria, the journey of transitioning one's voice, and the importance of community support.
Nicole shares insights from her work with Undead Voice, a platform dedicated to helping indi
Gay Men and The Second Adolescence
Many gay men reach adulthood feeling like life is just beginning while everyone else seems years ahead. Dating, identity exploration, sexuality, and community may all start later, creating the feeling that you're somehow “behind.”
Psychologists sometimes describe this experience as a second adolescence.
In this episode, Dustin explores the psychology behind why many gay men go through a second dev
You're Not Behind, Just Gay: The Psychology of Catching Up
Many gay men carry a quiet fear that they are behind in life. Behind in relationships, confidence, career, or emotional maturity. It can feel like everyone else got a head start while you are still figuring things out.
In this episode, we explore why that feeling is so common and why it does not mean you have failed. Growing up gay often changes the timeline of development. When identity, dating,
ADHD, Time Blindness, and a Little Bit of Gay Chaos with Jordan Schatz
In this episode, I sit down with therapist and friend Jordan Schatz to explore ADHD across the lifespan, from childhood to adulthood. We talk about what ADHD actually is, why so many people are diagnosed later in life, and how challenges like time blindness, executive functioning difficulties, and emotional overwhelm show up in everyday life.
We also discuss relationships, self-esteem, parenting,
The Psychology of Queer Reinvention: Progress or Avoidance?
What does it really mean to reinvent yourself?
For many LGBTQ+ people, the desire to start over can feel urgent. A new version of you. A new identity. A life that finally feels safer or more authentic. But psychologically, reinvention is rarely just about change. It is often about repair.
In this episode, we explore the psychology of queer reinvention and the emotional forces that drive the need t
Mean Gays, Part 2: How to Stay Open When Belonging Is Conditional
In Part 1, we explored why gay spaces can sometimes feel cold, competitive, or quietly unkind and how conditional belonging can shape gay male social culture.
In this follow-up episode, we shifts the focus from culture to skills. This conversation is about how to stay emotionally open, grounded, and self-respecting in gay social environments that are not always designed for emotional safety or rel
Mean Gays: When Belonging Is Conditional
Why do gay spaces sometimes feel cold, competitive, or quietly unkind?
In this season three premiere and solo episode, host Dustin explores what people mean when they talk about “mean gays” and why unkindness can become normalized in gay social spaces. Rather than framing this as a character flaw or a community failure, this episode looks at the psychological and social forces that shape these int
Gay and Going Home: Navigating Family, the Holidays, and Your Hometown
Going home for the holidays can bring up more than nostalgia for many gay people. It can activate old family roles, unspoken rules, emotional triggers, and versions of yourself you thought you outgrew.
In this episode, Dustin explores why returning to your hometown can feel so emotionally complex. From family systems that never updated, to subtle invalidations, to the tension between who you are n
The Psychology of Overthinking and What to Do About It
In this episode, host Dustin breaks down why overthinking happens, what part of the brain drives it, and how attachment patterns, trauma histories, and emotional avoidance shape the habit. You will learn why your mind replays conversations, predicts worst case scenarios, and struggles with uncertainty even when nothing is actually wrong.
This conversation blends clinical research on rumination, wo
The Struggle to Find or Sustain a Relationship, Part 3: What Is/Is Not Healthy (LGBTQ+ Edition)
In the final part of this series, we explore what unhealthy relationships actually look like for LGBTQ+ people and why so many harmful patterns feel familiar instead of alarming. This episode breaks down confusion between passion and chaos, the struggle to maintain desire, and the ways inconsistency, criticism, power imbalances, and identity-related harm show up in queer dating.
We also look at w
The Struggle to Find or Sustain a Relationship, Part 2: How to Relate Differently (LGBTQ+ Edition)
In Part 2 of this series on queer relationships, we explore how LGBTQ+ people can begin relating differently after years of dating in environments shaped by shame, scarcity, and minority stress. This episode focuses on practical skills for connection, including attachment awareness, emotional literacy, relational repair, communication about identity, and the role of community support.
We look at
The Struggle to Find or Sustain a Relationship, Part 1: Why It Feels So Hard (LGBTQ+ Edition)
Why does finding and keeping love feel so complicated for so many LGBTQ+ people? In this episode, we explore the emotional and cultural forces that shape queer dating, from minority stress and loneliness to shame, scarcity, and community pressures around desirability. This is not about blaming ourselves but about understanding the systems and experiences that shaped how we learned to love, protect
Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ+ Relationships: Power, Shame, and Vulnerability
In this episode, host Dustin sits down with Eric Batchelder, LMSW to explore intimate partner and domestic violence within LGBTQ+ relationships. We unpack how power, shame, and cultural expectations shape the dynamics of harm and healing. The conversation examines many forms of spousal abuse, including emotional, financial, psychological, and physical, and how they can manifest in Queer relationsh
What Haunts Us: The Psychology of Fear (Halloween Special)
Why do we love to be scared?
In this Halloween special, Dustin explores the psychology of fear and what it reveals about us. From the thrill of horror movies to the mystery of possession, from the unease of the uncanny to the allure of cults, this episode unpacks how fear shapes our behavior, our beliefs, and our need for control. Drawing from neuroscience, psychology, and film, it examines why t
boy meets therapy (video trailer)
welcome to the boy meets therapy podcast
Emotional Starvation: Why You Keep Accepting the Bare Minimum
Why do we keep accepting less than we need and calling it love?
In this solo episode, host Dustin explores the psychology of emotional starvation: the pattern of confusing scarcity with care. Through the lenses of attachment theory, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma research, he unpacks how early experiences of inconsistent affection can shape what we tolerate in adulthood.
Dustin explains wh
The Psychology of Wanting: From Conditioning to Choice
Why do so many of us struggle to know what we actually want? Why do we think we're doing something we like but it doesn't feel right?
In this solo episode, host Dustin explores how our desires are shaped by early experiences, social expectations, and the need for safety. Drawing from Self Determination Theory, Object Relations and Attachment Theory, and Cass’s Queer Identity Formation model, this
Kink: Notes From Clinical and Personal Experiences
In this episode, host Dustin sits down with UK therapist John Gillespie to explore the deep intersection between kink, sexuality, and mental health. Together they unpack how shame, desire, and identity shape our sexual experiences and what it means to find acceptance through therapy. John shares insights from both his clinical practice and personal experiences within kink communities, offering a r
Queer Search for Meaning: Dating, Identity, and Defining Purpose
In this episode, host Dustin Oliver sits down with therapist Tyler Mafi to explore the queer search for meaning through the lens of existentialism. They unpack how identity, dating, and authenticity are shaped by societal expectations and how questioning those norms can open the door to deeper purpose and meaning-making. The conversation highlights why existentialism matters in everyday life, how
Gay Men and the Ideal Body: Rejection, Fat Phobia, and Body Image
In this episode, host Dustin sits down with Sam Fogarty, LMHC, to explore the pressures gay men face when it comes to body image and the pursuit of the “ideal body.” Together, they unpack how rejection, fat phobia, and societal standards fuel shame and disordered eating within the LGBTQ+ community. Sam shares insights from his research on muscularity-oriented eating disorders and why intuitive eat
Queering Mental Health: Microaggressions, Diagnosis, and Culture with Dr. A. Jordan Wright
In this episode, we sit down with Dr. A. Jordan Wright, Director of the combined Counseling and Clinical Psychology PhD program at NYU and a leading voice in psychological testing and training future clinicians. Together, we explore how microaggressions, evolving diagnoses, and cultural competence shape queer mental health care today.
Listeners will learn how subtle microaggressions affect therapy
Gay Men and Substance Use: A Conversation
This episode explores how substance use shows up in the lives of gay and queer men through history, culture, and community.
I explore the complex and often misunderstood relationship between gay men and substance use. Too often framed with stigma or silence, this topic deserves a conversation rooted in history, culture, and compassion.
I’ll take you through the role bars played as safe havens, the
Queer Men and Dating: Self-Sabotage, Monogamy, and Building Authentic Relationships
In this episode of boy meets therapy, host Dustin Oliver sits down with dating coach Danny to explore the unique challenges queer men face in dating. From breaking cycles of self-sabotage to navigating monogamy vs. non-monogamy, they dive into how generational trauma and cultural history shape modern relationships.
Connect with Danny
Instagram: @thecoachdannym
TikTok: @coachdannymorales
Websit
Gay Men, the Vulnerability Deficit, and How We Reconnect
Why is it so hard for gay men to open up emotionally, especially with each other?
In this solo episode, Dustin explores the vulnerability deficit that many gay men experience and how emotional suppression shows up in friendships, dating, and queer community life. Blending clinical research with real-life examples, this episode unpacks the psychological roots of emotional avoidance, the influence
Why Gay Men Struggle to Make Friends and How to Fix It
Why is it so hard for gay men to make close friends? In this episode, host Dustin explores the friendship crisis many queer men face and offers practical, research-backed strategies to build deeper, more meaningful connections.
Learn the difference between romantic and friendship attraction, how emotional safety shapes queer friendships, and why vulnerability is key to connection. Dustin also shar
Overcoming Conversion Therapy: Dr. Luke Wilson on Shame, Faith, and Finding Self-Acceptance
In this episode of boy meets therapy, Dr. Luke Wilson shares his firsthand experience with conversion therapy, from enrolling at Liberty University to facing the emotional and psychological toll of trying to change his identity. Dr. Wilson opens up about the deep shame, religious pressure, and inner conflict he experienced, and how he ultimately found healing and self-acceptance. This honest conve
Healing Religious Trauma: Queer Identity, Deconstruction, and Inner Child Work with Liz Rhea
In this episode of boy meets therapy, host Dustin Oliver is joined by therapist Liz Rhea for an honest and deeply moving conversation about religious trauma and queer identity. Together, they unpack how adverse religious experiences can shape self-worth, relationships, and mental health, particularly for LGBTQ+ individuals. Liz shares her clinical insights on the effects of sermons and church envi
Adverse Childhood Experiences, Trauma, and the Power of Somatic Therapy in Healing with Natalie Reina
In this powerful episode, Dustin Oliver sits down with therapist Natalie Reina to explore the deep and lasting effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and the transformative power of somatic therapy in trauma recovery. Together, they unpack how childhood trauma shapes adult mental health, why recognizing patterns from abusive relationships is so difficult, and how grounding techniques and
Inside Psychiatry: Dr. Joseph Elfar on Self-Disclosure, Meds & Mental Health in the Social Media Era
In this episode, host Dustin Oliver sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Joseph Elfar for a thought-provoking conversation on the evolving role of psychiatry in mental health care. Dr. Elfar opens up about his personal journey into psychiatry, the importance of self-disclosure in clinical work, and how social media is transforming mental health awareness.
We dive deep into the realities of medication m
Fix Your Sleep: Therapist Tony Ho on Insomnia, Apnea, and What Really Works
Struggling to fall asleep or stay asleep? Wondering if melatonin, sleep hygiene, or therapy actually work? In this episode, sleep therapist Tony Ho joins us to unpack the most common sleep disorders, including insomnia and sleep apnea, and what you can do to finally get quality rest.
Tony breaks down the science of sleep, the psychological blocks that keep people awake, and why trying to "control"
Disordered Eating, Diet Culture, and Therapy in the Digital Age with Lauren Larkin
In this episode, host Dustin sits down with therapist Lauren Larkin to unpack the complex relationship between disordered eating, diet culture, and mental health. Together, they explore how societal pressures, personal history, and media influence body image and eating behaviors, especially in the age of social media and virtual therapy. Lauren shares her journey from a career in media to becoming
Gay Men, Shame, and Healing Through Therapy with Brian Spitulnik
In this episode, therapist and former Broadway performer Brian Spitulnik joins Dustin to explore the intersections of shame, identity, and healing within the gay and broader queer community. Together, they unpack themes like internalized homophobia, social hierarchies among gay men, and the emotional toll of self-sabotage and rejection.
Brian opens up about his personal transformation, from life o
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: DBT, Trauma, and Substance Use Recovery with Karley Chickness
In this episode, Dustin Oliver sits down with Karley, a therapist who specializes in treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and co-occurring substance use disorders. Together, they explore the complex relationship between emotional dysregulation, trauma, and addiction, highlighting how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers hope and structure for individuals navigating these challenges.
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT: Insights from Therapist Sara Weand
In this conversation, Dustin Oliver and Sara discuss the intricacies of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), anxiety management, and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Sara shares her personal journey into therapy, the challenges and rewards of working with individuals with BPD, and the importance of understanding emotional regulation. They explore the techniques used in DBT, including distr
Redefining Sex: Performance Anxiety, Kinks, and the Truth About Intimacy with Dr. Eric Van Der Voort
In this eye-opening conversation, host Dustin Oliver speaks with Dr. Eric Van Der Voort, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, about the many misconceptions and complexities surrounding human sexuality. They explore how performance anxiety can disrupt intimacy, the importance of open communication in sexual relationships, and the ways societal norms shape, and often distort, our exp
Understanding Your Inner Parts: IFS Therapy, Trauma, and Self-Energy with Ryan Austin
In this episode, hosts Dustin Oliver and Ryan Austin, a licensed professional counselor, dive deep into the world of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Together, they explore how IFS helps individuals understand their inner parts, navigate emotional trauma, and reconnect with their core Self-energy for lasting healing.
Ryan shares insights from his clinical work, including his experience with
Navigating Graduate School in Counseling: Faith, Internships, and Choosing a Master’s or a PhD with Bailey Mcfadden
In this episode, Dustin Oliver sits down with counseling graduate student Bailey McFadden to talk about the real-life journey through psychology education—from undergrad to grad school and beyond. They discuss why they both chose to pursue master’s degrees over PhDs, how to evaluate faith-integrated counseling programs, and what it’s really like working in internship settings. Bailey shares her ex
Understanding Kids: OCD, Divorce, and Culturally Informed Therapy with Chandler Donny
In this episode, host Dustin Oliver sits down with child and adolescent therapist Chandler Donny to explore the unique challenges and breakthroughs in therapy with young clients. They dive into topics like OCD in children, the emotional impact of divorce, and how to build trust with resistant or withdrawn kids. Chandler shares clinical insights on the importance of confidentiality, psychoeducation
Beyond Abstinence: Rethinking Substance Use Treatment, Boundaries, and Recovery with Julie River
What if recovery wasn’t just about stopping the use of a substance — but about understanding why it was there in the first place?
In this episode, I speak with Julie River, LPC, NCC, clinical director and therapist at Atlas Behavioral Health, about what truly person-centered substance use treatment can look like. We explore the daily experience of clients in recovery programs, the role of group
Healing Beyond the Surface: Trauma, Attachment, and Anti-Oppressive Therapy with Sakinaa Rock
This episode focuses on trauma-informed therapy and working with survivors of abuse. We explore how to build trust, address denial, and apply attachment theory in clinical practice. The conversation also highlights the role of supervision, therapeutic alliances, and navigating power dynamics. Special attention is given to supporting trans and gender non-conforming clients through anti-oppressive,
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