CALL CHELSEA PERETTI
Beloved comedian Chelsea Peretti takes calls on weekly themed episodes, interacts with callers, and plays special music and sound effects. Lots of discussion of bear attacks, fixation on minutia, and administration of food tests.
Episodes
HIGH AS A KITE
Chelsea chops it up with her heavily medicated listeners about ADHD and autism assessments, a dented Honda, internet pet peeves, and of course: contour. A caller who sounds like Aparna Nancherla calls, as well as a caller who sounds like Drew Afualo.
DO YOU LIKE MY TONE
In another rousing episode of CPP, Chelsea explores topics including but certainly not limited to ADHD, vocal tone, escape rooms, aliens, Ketamine, and the pungent odor of dog farts. Callers from every corner of the world (ie. Belgium) tune in to hear Chelsea’s renowned singing voice. La la la la la la la laaaaa.
SOUPRISINGLY GOOD
A shocking revelation shatters the CCP podverse: After all these years in the resistance, Chelsea realizes soup is actually pretty good. Some talk of The Middle Ages, chili, baked potatoes, stew, ADHD/Autism, pottery, a recurring wonderment about where excrement winds up, and a rousing finale of multiple live google searches. An absolute 1 of 1 creation as per usual.
WALLIS ANNENBERG WILDLIFE CROSSING / TRIAGE
Chelsea welcomes the delightful Beth Pratt, wildlife advocate, author, and cougar-crossing expert to the stude for a lot of dorking-out about nature with callers (in matching P-22 sweaters). Laughs and darkness abound, per usual.
MATT, JUSTIN, AND DAN
In this spirited episode, Chelsea cleans her glasses with a sock and reflects upon Heated Rivalry with a group of core callers who are interconnected. Discussion of other topics like: why boomers cannot apologize, ADHD, GLPS, Lyme disease, and honeydew melon.
BOTH WRONG AND RIGHT
Extremely detailed crispy mushroom tutorial. The end of originality. Nicolandria salad ad. Catherine Keener comparison. Gentle emotional unraveling.
BONVOY GAY
Carey O’Donnell is back! Matching denim. A repeat surfer caller. Funfetti food test. Spa music. Multiple perspectives on a recent fecal event. Ending with a rousing musical number! Don’t miss it.
85 FOR WHAT
Chelsea and Nick discuss hats, cowbirds, Gavin Newsom, and whether slow claps should be banned forever. Also: vegan cheese, Love Island, and the general ache of being alive. A feel-good episode.
BRINGING LYMIE BACK
Justin Timberlake’s Lyme diagnosis, chamomile lemon cake discourse, grieving a cat who isn’t dead yet, a drag king inquiry, and more. Chelsea emanates love, opines on Threads teasers, and plans to do five planks but only remembers to do two.
DUPES OF HAZZARD
Callers call from parking lots and a man shares his journey away from Conservatism. Singing about condiments. Boomer parents. Emotional regulation. A loner surfer indulges a convo about riptides and risotto. Chelsea's triceps are beginning to show minor definition and her eyeliner is far from perfect, which you can see on Patreon.
HAMSTRUNG
Chelsea attempts to explore journaling but gets sidetracked by a woman with five kids, a Uber Eats driver actively on a delivery, a toy commercial maker, and more. Food tests are back.
TWO OPENINGS
Wearing a shirt she dreamed she wore, Chelsea has a rip roarin time with some excellent callers. A dissection of genres of internet posts. A special ability to aerate hot food, 90s toaster oven nostalgia, a desire to be around smart and nice people, bra surveillance, some dance, some songs, wildly drawn-out courtroom yarn, and finally… A MALE CALLER!!
DEBUT NOVELIST
Chelsea debuts her new career direction as she continues to chase a Pullitzer. An east coast bartender, a mom getting chemo, a literary section, a reflection on blueberries, several calls for help, Costco, and a lot of discontent.
A VERY CHINTZY EPISODE
Carey is radicalized by Fire Island and drops multiple Dorinda references in this very special, very chintzy episode. His magical tale of going septic and wearing a stent and purse of antibiotics and subsequent digestive woe. Toenail removal and a discussion of disturbing doctors. A lengthy analysis of sunflowers. Conversely, shocking caller opinions on roses. Carey shares dog perfume tips. An exp
TRYING TO CATCH A VIBE
Chelsea chats with a mightily prestigious crop of guests: an opera choreographer with a hot restaurant tip, a pottery buyer who appraises her piece, and a licensed therapist (presumably) who assesses Chelsea. Discussion of vitello tonnato, sand dunes, pottery accounts, mothers day, and underground parking lots. Chelsea's continued attempts at piquing caller interest in escape rooms effectively fai
WINDY WILLIAMS
Chelsea stands on a cliff in the blustery wind and howls out about hair salon culture, brain rot, writing, boredom, science, explosive news, therapy, love languages, Tate Larae, a brain surgeon and a friend of a friend calls in! A caller celebrates his Fourthcalliversary by negging Chelsea, educating her about basic geography, and soliciting dog custody advice.
CAVEMEN DIDN'T MAKE POTTERY???
Slime and Charcoal chicken obsessed Chelsea and Sabrina freestyle about an upcoming live show endeavor, create TGIF acronyms, argue about chicken soup, discuss color mixing, debt, art, parenting, blah blah blah. Chelsea speaks to some senior who was bullied by a freshman.
FECAL MATTERS
Robby Hoffman, who has 9 siblings, throws Chelsea into the perpetual reaction seat with innumerable hot takes, such as: skin care is a scam, washing hands is bad, trans people are fine, ADHD doesn't exist, etc. Chelsea searches for points of connection, like grilled cheese, a mistrust of Nest, a dislike of cut fruit, and thinking flowers are beautiful. A caller does an unauthorized infomercial for
TURN LAFFED
Carmen Christopher joins Chelsea for a chaotic episode full of slime, snacks, and conspiracy theories. They talk about Manson expressions, ADHD vs. meditation, and whether slime could end wars, while Carmen’s mom mistakes Chelsea for Chelsea Handler. There’s water chugging, prank calls, limes full of boogers, and a passionate debate about soup.
NOTHING TO DO BUT SING
Chelsea struggles with restless leg syndrome and on-camera tics while discussing fires, karaoke, crying hangs, Canada's age, AI, shark attacks, ADHD, pottery perfectionism, sinus issues, a long term plan for escaping the algo, going grey, the power of bird song, and Western medicine inflating life expectancy. A caller sings Mariah from a subway platform. An "apolitical" caller from Texas shares ab
ASTHMA & CALAMITIES (AND ASMR)
patreon.com/callchelseaperetti Chelsea explores ASMR—crunchy snacks, plastic sounds, and the perils of ASMR gatekeeping—while fielding calls on parenting through calamities, AQI confusion, and the fleeting magic of sumo oranges. A caller stuck in traffic gets pulled into an immigration deep dive and sings classical Indian music, Chelsea contemplates the hamster wheel of social media, liberals hati
T.G.I.F.
A rousing episode recorded before the holidays where Chelsea devises some stellar new acronyms for T.G.I.F. Turkish oil wrestling, unarchiving lost songs for the pod, a truly random person calls in and MORE. See full video for this episode at patreon.com/callchelseaperetti
GODDESS OF HANGING UP
patreon.com/callchelseaperetti A lady calls from Vegas and we delve into the consequences of the Sphere. Chelsea tries to make her voice melodic and largely fails. A mesmerizing meditation on raccoon feces and deadly oysters. A classic Diddy / Ani convo. Alabama BBQ.
LIVE AT LARGO: 12 YEAR ANNI
patreon.com/callchelseaperetti Eavesdrop on a gathering of opinionated minds… and mouths… in this very special live anniversary episode of beloved podcast: Call Chelsea Peretti. Shocking audience polls that will leave you shaken to your core. A game! A reading of a letter young CP penned to SNL (and other memorabilia from times of yore). Inflammatory live taste tests. An audience expert on legumes
INSTERNET / YOUR MOM PAYS YOUR PHONE BILL
Positive-minded yogi Rachel Grant Jackson of Chelsea's collegiate improv troupe "Six Milks" visits the pod on a day in which the coff is particularly a-crankin.
PILOT: DID YOU GET MY LETTER? (REMASTER)
Original airdate: 10.09.2012 In this already classic pilot episode Chelsea takes the temp of her callers: the son of a white supremacist, a weird German dude, a pizza delivery girl, The Kid Mero (her only friend in the Bronx), and more. Debut of Coffee Crankin Thru My Sys song.
THROAT LOSANGEZES
In this first CCP ep back as an indie podcast, you will restart your journey and reconnect with your deepest self. Thank you, as always, to the callers and listeners.
CUTEST LIL COHOST
Chelsea and her dog discuss squeaky sounds, documentaries (Tell Them You Love Me), Rie Parenting, and assess inventory of how product is moving. Also: gramma impressions, hummingbird asmr, big dogs. A blood pants customer calls to discuss carbon underwear. Chelsea tries to speak italian to the probable great shame of her ancestors.
POINT FIVE SPEED
Aisling Bea (plus 1) comes to reluctantly share her origin story as Chelsea continues to chase a Pulitzer for her intrepid journalistic instincts. Accents! Gigs! Bath calls! Psychics! In this episode Chelsea is told she has uk vibes and is queer-coded. The first Gay Test, sharing makeup, hygiene, 10-2 politics.
STORY HOUR WITH BRENDON WALSH
Chelsea’s longtime comedy bud Brendon Walsh joins us today! Chat about bad haircuts, being muted, micro-dosing, pants-off therapy, camping, and hanging curtains turns into Moth level storytelling about Brendon’s Philly childhood of pure violence.
TSUNAMI SUMMER SCHOOL
Nick Kroll joins the pod to talk to callers on their parents phone plans, take food tests, list allergies, and discuss things like Runyon Canyon lipquids and the smell of rainy school days.
A WHOLE NEW POD
Chelsea is joined by Scott Aukerman and Brendon Walsh for a very special all advertisement pod. Also with: Nick Kroll, Moshe Kasher, Aisling Bea.
J.A.R.S
A punning Rick Glassman and dazzling Chelsea meet for the first time, scrutinize each others mouth sounds, and discuss misophonic reactions to chip crunchin, ice chompin, and sharp perfumes. Also: Rick’s comfort in lying and lack of self-consciousness, Chelsea’s lack of feeling, the alpha/beta dynamic, Rick’s stand-up secret (act outs), merits of being high, Rick’s troubled left testicle, donuts v
REUNITED
Todd Glass and Chelsea are reunited for a robust session of selling items with every ounce of their souls.
P MUNCHER JOE MANDE
Hacks writer and Tiktok enthusiast Joe Mande joins for a podcast that takes a neggy turn midway through, culminating in a pizza party! Callers watch TV and walk around creaky environments slamming doors through a discussion of: the Parks N Rec writers room, the societal merits of being a hater, Dave King's debate pod, how to approach celebs, gross social media recipes, fermented foods, babka, and
WHAT IS YOUR BUDGET AND WHAT IS A TRINKET
Chelsea takes calls & goes through your voicemails, answering all your burning questions about social media resentments, hoarders, rejection, crushes, adult friendship, spontaneity lovers versus planners, family movies, celeb friends, rattlesnakes and other predator animals in cities, travel, coffee quitters, trinkets and gift-giving. A foreign government musician calls! A special voicemail mu
MR MIMS
Author of the upcoming cookie recipe book "Crumbs", former food writer for the la times and die hard wendy williams fan joins CCP to discuss citrus, the pch, willow smith, marie kondo quitting, calling people honey, comment sections closing time vibes, cookie ice cream sandwiches, ozempic bruising, plastic use, composting and spaghetti limone. Canned peaches/tahini girl shocks the pod. A discussio
DELETE THIS PODCAST / “GREAT” “EP”
Chelsea chats about robot overlords then makes several half-hearted attempts at guided visualizations with largely disinterested callers who probably have Aphantasia. An overlong discussion of B12. Salad talk. A celebration of Kojak’s songs. Comment section outrage. Sweet tooth snacks. Protein. A brown recluse cameo featuring tunneling necrotic flesh.
APHANTASIA, MOIST FLESH, DAMPFRANCISCO & SUPER TASTERS
Concord's own Blake Anderson is in studio for a high-octane, alarming ep in which we learn that Aphantasia, though it affects 1% of the population, affects 95% of CCP callers. Harrowing updates on a past ep's attack mini poodle and Chelsea's Blokudoku score. A hyper, coffee-fueled, spooky consortium on coyotes, mountain lions, work passwords, airports, Cycle Yanks, and rabies. Chelsea chases anoth
A ROIS BY ANY OTHER NAME
Chelsea has garish accidentally purple eyebrows and hosts comedy genius Roisin Canarty. As Chelsea squints for invisible subtitles that never come, she learns about claggy foods, sliding fruit, and the best mascara.
KEEP IT TRUCKIN
A very bay ep with one of chelseas jr high school besties, a dr w a phd in theology and impeccable penmanship, Sarai Crain comes to the show. Songs! A discussion of being silly as a survival mechanism in 7th and 8th grades, shy roasters, crimped bangs, perms, rayon as a dominant textile, starter jackets, used leggings. Chelsea learns that many of her callers used to be emo. Chelsea as a failed blo
THE SIDESLEEPER VIRUS
Chelsea is interviewed by a strange and largely benevolent robot in this very special episode. With her directorial debut "First Time Female Director" out on Roku, a PMSing Chelsea takes a sudden philosophical interest in the world of criticism and review culture, envies scientists, mourns for Wendy Williams, explores the most polite way to say one has to go to the bathroom, and learns about pillo
THE SUN’LL COME OUT, JEFF MAURO
"The Sandwich King" Jeff Mauro, whose aunt was head of rat patrol for the city of Chicago, pops by to eat his favorite sandwich and share a malted milkshake. He and Chelsea invent the seesaw technique, and discuss Chuck e Cheese pizza, Katsu, habitual toasters, char, bean sandiwches, eggplant and tahdig, rice, hinged rolls, gloppy food like egg salad, and ciabatta aka she-broughta bread. A caller
UTTERLY COWTRAGEOUS
Entertainer-to-the-bone Paul Scheer, hot off a cold plunge, blasts into the CCP studio for a late in the day coffee and high-octane, wordplay-heavy chat about highly sensitive people, "sir" as a slur, work emails, work costumes, cannoli, Yordy Rance, cold cases, OCD, intrusive thoughts, personality disorders, age. A therapist calls and refuses to diagnose Chelsea. Crying at a Veteran's hospital an
BONUS: POWERS CRISTIA! WITH BENNY AND KATE
In this very special episode Chelsea is joined by two Rokuligans, comedy geniuses, and cast members of First Time Female Director: Benito Skinner and Kate Berlant. Benny roasts Chelsea’s phone while Chelsea nurses her hand wounds from a fall on the way into studio. They attempt a variety of accents, discuss the merits of setting spray, and a caller raises awareness on the emergency blueberry bagel
DRUGSTORE JUNE AND FIRST TIME FEMALE DIRECTOR
Two prominent women in film, beauty influencer Esther Povitsky and renowned shut-in Chelsea Peretti, come together to discuss food, almost exclusively. You can see them starring in “First Time Female Director” on Roku Friday March 8 and Drugstore June on Apple March 8. Do a double-header or just watch Chelsea’s. Thanks!
THE DAY THE TOOTH GOT LOOTH
Quad-dominant podcaster Chelsea Peretti listens to your voicemails, takes calls, and ponders the very meaning of time in this musically front-heavy episode. A sailor pop song! A jellyfish attack! An exercise clothing vendor! A dramatic recipe monologue. Pottery. Santa's anus. Lavender lattes. Etc.
BOOK OF RISKS
Chelsea welcomes highlining daredevil Faith Dickey to talk the wild world of highlining, when you walk across a rope super high up. Why is it valuable to do scary things? Is moderation the key to longevity? Infrared, compression sleeves, scrapers, epsom salts. Callers share what risks they take. An aspiring stand-up calls. Airplane etiquette. A solo round of "Who's Slurpin." Shoestring, curly, wa
NECESSITY OR INCLINATION
The first lady of lattes and queen of caffeine is joined by legendary comedian Natasha Leggero, hot off of taking her shirt off onstage. Chelsea tries not to talk over people as a previous callers husband calls from the Catskills, a lady calls from her bath, and a stay at home dad calls to talk about shoulders. Natasha shirks gatekeeping and shares her lipstick and over-all brands as well as a sec
ADAM SCOTT: PEANUT BUTTER MANIA
In this episode, alternately titled: SCIENTISTS ARE PLAYING GAMES WITH OUR MOUTHS, as well as PB & C & S, Adam Scott and Chelsea make a TJs run to grab repetitively named snacks and return to the stude to sample them. Chelsea has consistent trouble speaking, flabbergasted by the sheer volume of peanut-based snacks in what quickly devolves into a nightmare. Imagine a 1 hr 20 min long roller
JOE BITIN’
In peak award season, Chelsea lures "Jury Duty" break-out star (and Chicago's own) RASHIDA “SHEEDZ” OLAYIWOLA to the studio to slurp coff and talk Altimas. They read fake car ads. They chat about Hollywood: flash differential on the red carpet, how nobody 10-2s, weak eye contact at LA parties, and auditioning. Chelsea harps on the fact that the fork doesn't seem to have evolved. AND THEN, out of n
A CATALINA DDT DUMPSITE, AMONGST OTHER THINGS
Chelsea, called "a beacon of femininity" by one caller, draws compulsive hearts on a notepad while leading a riveting discussion about over-identifying with your generation label. She gives advice to a woman dating a man who fails to tell her he has a child. She chats about things like "The Notebook" with a charming first-gen Egyptian dude. B99 fans call. A Golden Caller emerges. A desert dog hike
CLACK AND SLAP
Have you ever been attacked by a massive Grizzly bear on the top of a mountain where no one can hear your screams? This week’s guest Alex Messenger has! Chelsea welcomes the chipper bear attack survivor and his massive vocabulary to the show with open, giddy arms.
CHELS PP SOLOCAST
Chelsea delivers a solo pod, manic, with wet hair, and two coffees deep. Breaking news! Opening songs! A shocking stance on vibrato! A new shoe reveal! Caller voicemails from a sad bday girl, a man who shat in nature, a group texter, a man questioning humans as interspecies "heroes," a dog bite survivor, a lady with no taste, an old timey lass yearning for love, and a dude with a powerful Chels PP
AM I AWARE?
Hot off his new special Pete Holmes chews nicotine gum and joins Chelsea for a scholarly spiritual exploration. A discussion of the end of holiday cheer, gradients of sobriety, memory photo albums, missing your "comedy class," intrusive thoughts, breath work, not being poly, sleep, yoga, and snacks. Pete asks himself questions and quotes Boy Genius, Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and Rupert
SINGY AND CLINGY
Musician Will Schwartz joins Chelsea for a joyous pod full of songs and singing about boundaries, love, and technology. Will contemplates his past life as a comedic personality. A caller infuriatingly calls all buttons “buzzers.” Chelsea writes live emails to a variety of experts. We peruse the case of Atlanta Andrew, a recluse without a door, and Toronto Josh (subjected by his husband to radio si
SLURP WARS
Tim Heidecker joins Chelsea in her 500 degree studio to take turns spiraling and ask callers to play a game called: "Who's Slurpin'?" Han calls. A 28 year old caller from Perth has searing insight into Tim's past visits to Perth! Ghosts, energy, spirit, and soul. Tim plays one of his songs. A caller shares some acting class lunacy involving bone breakage. We examine the irksome blase tone of cooki
I LOVE BEING A SPECK OF DUST
A mom calls for momtalk. A dude with a deep belly button shares his challenges and triumphs. A discussion of how to get off social media. Car crash alerts. A hematologist calls. An eyeliner rec. Military time. Rubbery pancakes and waffles. Grama impressions and reflections. Food test: gravy. Talking to callers like cute dogs. A barista calls from Alaska. And finally an interview with a couple who
YOU ARE NOT THE SAME
On this episode, we dive into the sci-fi world of head injuries and brain problems. Two legendary guests join us: Dr. Langer, Chair of Neurosurgery at Lenox Hill Hospital, and star of two riveting Netflix docu-series "Emergency NYC" and "Lenox Hill," AND: Morgan Murphy, kiss-ready comedian and Abbott Elementary writer extra-ordinaire. Plus calls from various afflicted parties, blithering on with
4. PROXY ANIMAL ATTACK STORIES CULMINATING IN ACTUAL ANIMAL ATTACKS
A mouse encounter. A lady swims “near” a shark. Two insane girls call. Just another day on the pod until some Brit in the medical profession shares a harrowing dog attack tale. Finally, composer Chris Lennertz calls and details his BEAR ATTACK STORY!!!!! *JACKPOT SOUND EFFECT* Hashtag bear attack. Hashtag Lake Tahoe. Hashtag jackpot sound effect.
BEST OF CCP 1 - WEIRDOS, FREAKS, AND OUTCASTS
German legend Oliver calls to inquire after his mysterious letter and Chelsea shares with him about the common practices in Hollywood. A baseball player takes us on a party-boi rollercoaster. An Australian caller gives Chelsea a chance to practice her accent. Chelsea's ex "Chance" (nick kroll) - calls and shares about his copycat podcast and tries to get back with Chelsea until she says yes, at wh
A very special CCP: THACHER ISLAND
Chelsea debuts a new dramatic play-in-progress reading excerpt at Vulture Fest, this time set against the backdrop of a barren island off the coast of Massachusetts. "Thacher Island" features a fisherwoman marooned on an island whose son is mysteriously lost at sea, a seagull named Silver, a dark secret, and a pair of strange visitors who may change things forever... Q&A follows. Starring John
TRENDS, AFFLICTIONS, BAKED GOODS
Tinseltown MUA Nova Kaplan visits the studio to discuss tiktok makeup trends such as: pumpkin girl makeup, cloud makeup, faux freckles, red carpet looks, and stage makeup, while giving Chelsea a "Latte Girl" beat. Chelsea tries to get her barky dog to bark and learns he is no show-pony. A caller pretends she has old skin. A lass with mild eczema on her knuckles shares her girlfriend's harrowing me
69 AND SHREDDED
The Call Chelsea Podcast returns with calls about PEPSI LOVING BEARS! CARROT LOVING HORSES! TUCKED SHEETS! BAKED POTATOES! Featuring ASMR, coffee songs, an analysis of trying to get shredded (including push-up condescension), new sound effects, couture sound effects, a caller named Crisp, and a caller who treats Chelsea like a patient. Cake pops emerge as a super villain. From meandering to over-p
CALL CHELSEA PERETTI: THE PREQUEL. IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!!!!!
The legendary podcast returns, imagining what happened BEFORE it in time AND space- jk its just a new version of the pod! Now with interviews, live taste tests, special guests, makeovers, video, and stuff like that but still maintaining the integrity of medical and bear fixations. And you: the caller.
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