Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium
A lighthearted look into the history of all the emperors of Rome. The hosts rank each emperor one by one, evaluating their military prowess, eccentricity, appearance, and charisma. The podcast blends humor with historical facts, making ancient history accessible and entertaining.
Episodes
Exciting Announcement!
Exciting news! Jamie and I will be keynote speakers in next year's Intelligent Speech Conference! (28th Feb 2026) More information in the the announcement episode. But tickets are on sale - use our discount code!(Rankium)
Intelligent Speech Online is happening February 28th, 2026.
· The theme is Companions and Rivals
· Tickets are on sale at intelligentspeechonline.com
· Earlybird pricing
Exciting Event!
Jamie and I will be at this year's online Intelligent Speech Conference!
The conference has been going since 2019 and is full of history podcasters and other content creators. We are honoured to be back. We will be talking about the deception on the public in regards to pirates. Did they have peg legs? What are the parrots about? Did they all shout "Arrrr!"? Join us and find out!
https://intellig
New podcast! Pirates: Totalus Rankium!
That's right! If you can see this then that means that our third podcast Pirates Totalus Rankium is out! Search for it by using the words Pirates, Totalus and Rankium!
S2 The Final
So this is it! Find out who is the most interesting of all of the season 2 emperors! Justinian II, Andronikos or Heraclius! Only one can win, who will it be!?
S2 Semi Final 3
The last of the semi finals is the hardest of the lot! Heraclius, Basil I, Anastasius and Justinian the Great face off against each other. But only one can win! Find out who!
S2 Semi Final 2
4 Emperors, only one can go through! We have some big hitters! Tops Scorer Basil II, Cad and tyrant Andronikos and Best Death winner Leo V! Oh, and Theophilos is here also. which is nice. Who goes through to the Final? Find out!
S2 Semi Final 1
Romanos, Justinian II, Leo III and Alexios face off against each other in our first semi final. Who could say who will win!? (ok, this one may be obvious - but the next two are too close to call! And join us anyway, we have fun!)
S2 Round 6
The last of the rounds before we go into the quarter finials! This time its Constantine XI, Basil I, John VI, Leo V and Maurice! A close one to call!
Also, we go through the total scores of all the emperors of season 2!
S2 Round 5
The penultimate round before the semi finals, and we decide which two got through. this week we have Theophilos, the awful Alexios IV, Irene, Heraclius and Nikepheros II! only two go through, but who!?
Also we look at the Tempo Completo for the whole season!
S2 Round 4
In Round 4 we see Manuel II, Constantine IV and Leo I go up against the two Komneni - Alexios I and Andronikos! only two can go through, who will it be?
Also - who was the least best looker as we go through Imago Facius
S2 Round 3
Next round! And in this we have Season two top scorer Basil II against shepherd boy Leo II, the Reluctant Emperor Theodosius III, and the two emperors in exile - Theodore and John III! Who will win? Find out!
Also, a look at the most and least successful emperors of the series!
S2 Round 2
The round of death! This time we must choose between Justinian I, Justinian II, Manuel I, Justin II and Eudocia!
Also, we have a look at who were the most and least crazy of all the emperors of S2!
S2 Round I
Here are the rounds! This time Romanos I takes on Micael VIII, Anastasius and John I and John II! only 2 go through, but who!?
We also take a look into the Fightius Maximus Round. Who was the most and least Fighty emperor of season 2?
S2 Draw
So here we are! All of Season 2 emperors have been scored. but how will they do in the play off? But before we find out, we must put them in rounds. Here we go!
171 Constantine XI
Here it is! The last Roman emperor! it's been quite the journey, and after this we will be able to say we have ranked them all. So how does Constantine XI hold up to the 169 others? Find out!
170 John VIII
Penultimate episode and we have John VIII! Is the son of Manuel Dos able to live up to his father? Can he hold back the Ottomans with his plan of church unification? Well, no. Let's find out why!
169 Manuel II
The empire is on its last legs and needs a hero. And who is this man? this suave champion of the people!? is Manuel as cool as Jamie and I think he will be? find out!
168 John VII
Last week we covered a son who led a mostly unsuccessful coup against the father who blinded him.
This week we are coving a grandson who led a mostly unsuccessful coup against the grandfather who blinded him.
So that’s fun.
167 Andronikos IV
So award for worst son in Roman history goes to...
But is this fair? Did AndyIV have a reason for his behaviour? Find out!
166 John V (Yes V, not VI)
So, after John VI we obviously get to John V! And this has it all! Kidnapping, a trip down memory lane, imprisonment, a moody teenage son, and Lord Flashheart/the Green Count!
165 Matthew
It's Matthew! Should he get an episode? Maybe, maybe not. But he has one! The empire is spiralling out of control as the neighbours fight their civil war for them!
164 John VI (Yes VI, not V)
Next up is John VI! Which we are doing before John V just to mess with everything that is good in the world. Find out why in this episode! (Oh and about a civil war and stuff)
163 Andronikos III
His father is dead, his grandfather is on the throne and he has accidently murdered his brother (oops). There is clearly only one thing to do: It's Coup-O'Clock!
162 Michael IX
Ok, he is not the most well known, and yes, he died before his father. But there must be a reason this co-emperor is on all the lists right? Right?
Special: Eat Brains Love (Quest Friends Pontifact crossover!)
Ever wanted to listen to a Quest Friend Role playing game with Totalus Rankium and Pontifacts in it? Well, here you are!! Recorded a while ago but released for halloween, join us was we go on an adventure!
More info:
https://www.questfriendspodcast.com/jeff
161 Andronikos II
So the capital is back! The empire is up and running! That Charles fella is gone! So we can only assume that everything will go well from now on... Hang on, why does the money not work anymore?
160 Michael VIII
So we come at last to the last dynasty of the Roman empire. It's been quite a journey, let's hope the final dynasty live up to at least some of the others! In this episode find out about Micael's heroic recapture of Constantinople!
159 John IV
The Laskaris lot have done alright so far. But how is an 8 year old going to cope in a world full of cut-throat men? Hopefully ok. After all, it is his birthday. And Christmas.
158 Theodore II
The dynasty is going well. suspiciously so. So well in fact - they are a nat's hair away from gaining the capital back. So is Theodore the one to do it? Or does he hate his Tutor too much to notice?
157 John III
John has a big task in front of him - the empire has fallen and several men claim to be the Roman Emperor. But who will claim the prize? Can John do it before he dies?
156 Theodore
The empoire has fallen! But from the ashes rises one man with a mission: to restore the Empire! Or at least annoy his father in law.
Update and Q&A
Update on why we have been away and what is happening next. Plus a Q&A session.
Totalus Rankium Vs Pontifacts
Ho Ho Ho!
Merry Christmas!
As an apology fpr the lack of content, here is a Senate only episode that we are releasing to all.
TR v P
Who knows their fellow co-host best?
155 Alexios V Monobrow
the second of our two episodes this weekend. This times its the man with a plan to save the empire! Alexios V!
154 Nicholas
Part 1 of our double feature this weekend, It's Nicholas! Never hear of him? I'm not surprised. Unlike he was to find himself emperor!
4th Week - Baccus Groundus Commentry
Rob and Jamie listen back to their first ever recording from May 2016.
Hear the awkwardness and the cringe moments such as:
-Jamie giving facts
-Rob awkwardly trying to explain how the podcast works
-The emergence of Jeff
-Flaming phallus!
153 Alexios IV
New Alexios! Better than last Alexios? Maybe, maybe not. Listen to find out!
152 Alexios III
We continue with the story of the best dynasty the Romans ever had. Isaac was a bit useless, yes, but maybe his brother has what it takes?
151 Isaac II Angelos
It's a new dynasty! And let's see just how good the Angel dynasty goes shall we? I'm sure it will be fine. It will won't it? It'll be fine.
150 Andronikos
Bored of all these sane, competent emperors we have been having lately? Long for the days where an emperor would spit in your eye, jump out the window and steal your wallet and your wife as he fled the city? Fear Not! Andronikos is here!
149 Alexios II
We are back and we are kicking things off with Alexios II! Nope? Never heard of him? Oh well. Maybe this episode will help.
148 Manuel
Manuel was never supposed to be emperor. He was the forth son. But when fate shoves him into the top job, can he build upon his father and grandfather’s legacy? Or will he watch it burn? Find out!
147 John II The Beautiful
His father started turning around the ship, leading it to calmer waters. Now John must take the reins (of the ship, they had reins back then) and steady the course. Can he do it? Find out!
146 Alexios
We are back, and with the longest Emperor episode yet! Join us as we skim through the insanely busy life of Alexios!
145 Nikepheros III
Yes, he is approaching 80, and yes, he has no legitimacy. But who knows? Maybe he is just what the empire needs right now to turn the sinking ship around. If only he could get rid of the couping pigeons...
144 Michael VII
Now Romanos is gone, Michael has the chance to righten the ship - with the help of his advisors, there will surely be no - whats that? They have been captured? And the money is not working? And the generals are all called Nikepheros and they are all revolting? Ah...
143 Romanos IV Diogenes
If you know your Roman history, the date of 1071 will mean something. And here we are! However, if like Jamie, you don’t know about 1071: Just how bad can Romanos’ push against the Turks go? Find out!
142 Eudocia
You wont find Eudocia on many lists, but she deserves to be on them. She may not have ruled long, but she made an impact. Also, we take a brief look into the Seljuk Turks. They may be important in the next few episodes…
Interview: Rex Factor: Sulla
Rex Factor have just released an episode on Sulla, so we thought it was the perfect excuse to have a chat with them about the man. We also chat about podcasting in general, worms, the dangers of squash and we play the ever popular ‘How well to you know your co-host’
141 Constantine X
Isaac is dead and Psellus has installed his mate to bring back the good old days of the wealthy families reaping in all the cash. As long as there are not mulitple invasions hitting the empire at once, it'll be fine!
140 Isaac
Isaac is here! He couped his way to the top, and he has plans. Hopefully camping next to Mount Outrageous Damage with Ethel the Pecheneg doesn’t slow him down…
139 Michael VI The Old
We are back! After having a break to talk about the slave revolts of the Republic, we are back ranking all the emperors. Apparently things start going downhill after the Macedonian Dynasty - so let’s see if that is true. If Michael VI is anything to go by, oh, it is true.
Interview: Partial Historians: Spartacus
We were very lucky this week to be joined by the amazing Partial Historians! They are experts in the field, and this field has a tree, and under this tree is a man named Spartacus! Find out about the man, the myth and how he has been used throughout history. Plus, a fabulous return of our ever popular, regular feature: 'How Well Do You Know Your Co-Host?'!
Interview: Saga Thing: Norse Perspective
In our first ever interview episode (for the Roman series) we are lucky enough to have a chat with John and Andy from Saga Thing! Ever wondered what those Northern Barbarian were thinking about the empire? Well, find out! Also, we test John and Andy on how well they know each other. Who is the ultimate Saga Thing host? Find that out also!
Battle of Zama (Plus Update)
Schedule update with the Battle of Zama thrown in as a bonus for you lovely people.
138 Theodora II Purple Born
We have covered her uncle, her father, her sister and three of her brother-in-laws, so now it it time to get Theodora's side of the story. She is the least known about of all of them so we do what we can to unravel her life story!
137 Constantine IX The Lone Fighter
When The Ship Smearer came to an untimely end, someone needed to step in. Zoe and Theodora did, but many in The Powerful felt they lacked a certain appendage that made them qualify. So an old flame of Zoe was found to rule the empire. Constantine Monomachos? Why not? How bad can he be?
136 Zoe II Purple Born
We have covered a lot of her life, but now we get to dive in and see what life was like from her perspective. Just who was Zoe? And how did she survive the reign of 5.5 emperors? And exactly just how many hotty-bits-on-the-side called Constantine did she have?
135 Michael V The Ship Smearer
Michael V may be the son of Steve the Ship Smearer, but that does not mean he can't become a great emperor! No! His lack of understanding the public mood does!
134 Michael IV
So Romanos is dead, and John has a plan. As does Zoe. It's a simple plan: put John's little brother and hotty-bit-on-the-side-of-Zoe Michael on the throne! What's the worst that can happen?
133 Romanos III
Constantine is about to die, and he needs an heir. Who better than Romanos? Who? The Urban Prefect? Yeah, he'll do. Likes to read doesn't he? Yeah... He'll do...
CoronaUpdate
Just a little update to let you all know how we are and what our plans are.
132 Constantine VIII
How can you follow Basil II? Well, we suggest not like this. Constantine VIII loved to drink and gamble and wrestle and make his 'special' sauce. But running an empire currently enjoying a golden age? Nah...
131 Basil II
We get to arguably the last big name of the series, and its a good one: Basil II the Bulgar Slayer. Jamie has doubts, but can Basil II impress him? Join us on this journey involving intrigue, civil war, one-on-one duels, Mace-eye, and a small appearance from a guest podcast!
130 John I Tzimiskes
Basil II is still a pup and Nikephoros is dead. Who can take charge of the empire? How about the man who literally just beat the last one close to death before cutting his head off to be sure? He'll do. Hopefully he is a decent chap. Oh, and the Russians are coming!
129 Nikephoros II
Nikephoros II knows how to do two things: love God and to shove swords in people until they are dead. The sources greatly differ to as what kind of ruler he was. So what was he? A monster who fell in love? A man falling his duty when he wants to follow God? A man who simply loves a good battle? Find out!
128 Romanos II
Romanos II. What to say about Romanos II? Well, according to the sources, not much because there is a general out there called Nikephoros and he is doing all sorts of exciting things. So join us while we find out about this general and occasionally mention the emperor!
127 Constantine VII The Purple Born
He was gently couped when he was young, something that does no growing lad any good. But now he is surrounded by a step-family who are only keeping him alive out of convenience, can Constantine do anything about his situation?
126 Stephen
So, he wasn't going to get an episode - but you guys insisted. So you have no one to blame but yourselves.
125 Romanos
Zoe is out of action, now Romanos just needs to deal with the Partriach Nicholas, the general Leo Phocas, the Bulgar King Symeon, the many uprisings, the Caliphate, the famine, the vikings - VIKINGS!? Yep, those too. Romanos does not have it easy, but how does he do?
124 Zoe Coal Eyes
Zoe of the coal-black eyes. She is not always listed as an emperor, but we are including her as she undoubtably ruled in her own right for a few years. However - these were not good years... There is an angry Patriach plotting revenge, a scored general plotting a coup, another general plotting a coup, oh, and a third general plotting a coup. Things are about to get quite coupy.
123 Alexander II
Here he is! The one you have been waiting for! it's Alexan- who? Oh, sorry. No one has ever been waiting for Alexander II. But here is an episode on him anyway!
122 Leo VI The Wise
Leo the Wise has Daddy issues. Mainly, he does not know if his daddy is the man who hates him, or the man who the man who hates him murdered. He is not treated well my his supposed father, but when a tragic hunting accident propels Leo to the throne... well, it's time for a bit of payback.
121 Basil
There were many prophecies that foretold of Basil's rise, unfortunately no one believed them. But then he managed to make friends with a drunk emperor and the world suddenly seemed so much full of opportunity.
120 Michael III The Drunk
He is young, he is in love, and he is very drunk. His uncle keeps banging on about something to do with the patriach and the pope. He is fairly certain some vikings were around not too long ago, or was that his mistress? Hmmm. It’s all a bit of a blur. It’s a good thing good-old Basil is here to help him out…
119 Theodora
Theodora has an opportunity: her Iconoclast husband is dead, her son, the emperor is 2 years old. Here she is, a female regent in a world that does not accept female regents. So why not attempt to change the religious doctrine that has been followed for years? Wha't the worst that can happen?
118 Theophilos
Audio apology: The first 8 mins has a slight crackle in it. Jeff was in charge of sound this week. Sorry.
The son of Micael II, the Godson of Leo V, Theophilos has a vision for the empire, and it is not what his parent's generation necessarily wanted. He was going to be a wise ruler, taking lessons from the mighty Al-Rashid - the wise and benevolent ruler of a caliphate entering a golden age. He
117 Michael II
The Story of Leo, Michael and Thomas comes to end in this exciting episode of Totalus Rankium. Was the prophecy of the monk-in-a-cave-up-a-pole correct? How did Thomas die? Was it horribly? Horribly, horribly? And just how important is Crete and Sicily anyway?
116 Leo V
Leo, Michael and Thomas are three friends that share a prophesy - Leo and Michel will rule and Thomas will die horribly - horribly horribly. So when Leo sees his chance to usurp the old emperor, he goes for it! But now he has his good friend Banquo - I mean Michael - to worry about. Find out what happens in this week’s Totalus Rankium!
Publius Annoucus - Senate Preview Episode
This episode is 10 clips from the first 10 of our Roman Republic Totalus Rankium podcast, available to all our senate members for as little as one dollar a month!
Caesar, Sulla, Marius, Tiberius Gracchus, Gaius Gracchus, Drusus, Cleopatra, Marcus Antonius, Fulvia and Clodius!
Want to listen to the whole episodes? follow the link and follow the instruction on the page!
https://patron.podbean.com
