What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't: Relationship Advice and Respect
This podcast offers relationship advice from psychotherapist Rhoda Sommer, who draws on over 35 years of experience working with couples. It covers topics like building trust, recovering from infidelity, and maintaining respect in relationships. The show aims to help listeners understand what makes relationships work and how to avoid common pitfalls.
Episodes
Unlocking Empathy: One Path to Richer Relationships
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, acting as a cornerstone for meaningful relationships. It allows individuals to connect on a deeper emotional level, facilitating better communication and mutual respect. By stepping into another person's shoes, we gain insight into their experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Yet we seem to be losing our ability to have empathy f
How to Thrive in Relationships When Chronic Illness Changes Everything
If you or someone you love is navigating chronic illness inside a relationship, this episode is for you. And even if you're not personally facing a health challenge right now, this conversation matters because at some point, almost every relationship will encounter stress, illness, aging, loss, or caregiving in some form. The question is not whether challenges will come — it's how we learn to face
Why Your Relationship Isn't Working: The Hidden Trap of Expectations, Neediness & Fantasy
Most people don't enter relationships intending to sabotage them. They come in hopeful, open, and often deeply ready for connection. But beneath that readiness is a quiet architecture—unspoken expectations, emotional needs we may not fully understand, and a version of love shaped more by imagination than reality. Over time, that architecture can start to strain the relationship itself.
Unlocking Understanding: Thriving in Difficult Relationships with Personality Disorders
Personality disorders represent a complex and often misunderstood realm of mental health. Characterized by repeating patterns of behavior, cognition, and inner experience, these disorders can significantly influence how an individual perceives themselves and interacts with others. Understanding these disorders is critical, especially when navigating difficult relationships with those affected. Thi
Unlock Lasting Desire: Secrets Revealed to Keep Desire Burning
Desire doesn't disappear because love is gone—it often gets buried under mental load, weariness or unspoken resentments.Sex is one of the most common areas where couples quietly struggle—and one of the least openly discussed. Improving your sex life often has less to do with technique and more to do with context. Careers are demanding, parenting is exhausting, bodies are changing, and emotional ba
RELATIONSHIP GAME CHANGER: MASTER NEGOTIATION SKILLS WITH AN FBI EXPERT
In this episode, we dive deep into essential relationship advice by exploring how improving your persuasion and negotiation skills can lead to healthier relationships. Many people misunderstand these skills as manipulative tactics, but in reality, they are grounded in respect, empathy, and clear communication. Whether you're navigating tough relationship questions or seeking ways to strengthen tru
Healing Hearts: Relationship Advice on Love and Communication
Navigating relationships can be both incredibly rewarding and deeply challenging. In this episode, we dive into essential relationship advice to help you build and maintain healthy relationships. We'll explore the complex issues of infidelity, codependence, and effective communication, offering insights and strategies to heal and strengthen your bonds. Whether you're facing obstacles or simply wan
Feeling Stuck? How to Break Free & Reclaim Your Momentum
Ever felt like you're running in place? Like no matter how hard you push, life just… won't budge? Maybe you're doing all the "right" things—showing up & working hard, but deep down, there's this nagging feeling that you're stuck. There are a million ways to be stuck; in dating going nowhere, in a boring relationship, in loneliness, in worries about your job because it doesn't excite you, in stress
Emotional Vulnerability in Relationships: How Sharing Your Inner World Deepens Trust & Connection
Emotional vulnerability is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, yet many people struggle with opening up due to fear and past hurt. In this episode, we dive deep into why sharing your inner world is vital for building trust, respect, and meaningful connections. Whether you have questions about relationship challenges or want practical relationship advice, understanding vulnerability can transfo
The Power of Your Brain: How Neuroscience Can Improve Well-Being and Relationships
Understanding the power of your brain is essential for fostering healthy relationships and overall mental health. Most of us move through our days reacting—reacting to stress, to others, to our own emotions—without ever stopping to consider the organ running the entire show. Your brain is not just a background system keeping you alive; it is the command center you can improve, shaping how you feel
Men & Anger: Insights into Emotions and Healthy Relationships
Anger is a complicated emotion for all of us. Many of us have seen how anger can become the default emotion for frustration, fear, shame, or helplessness. Anger is probably most often used to hide vulnerability which is crucial to making relationships work. In this episode, we dive into the connection between men's anger and vulnerability, uncovering how these feelings influence relationship dynam
Weaponizing Psychological Terms Distorts Our Relationships
Have we begun to be so overly sensitive that we protect ourselves with Therapy Speak and love to wrap ourselves up in self-righteous accusations that point the finger…You are a narcissist, You are gaslighting me or You are love bombing me. It's certainly a comfort to grab onto these labels. It's exactly that comfort that feeds our own denial of how we also play a part in the problems. It feeds our
Empowering Partners to Influence Change in Addiction Denial
Recovery can be very difficult because of shame. Shame is an obstacle to healing for everybody. How can you face hard truths about your own dark side without drowning in the shame? Partners can learn how to not add to the stranglehold of shame that stomps on the soul of their partner & wiggle up to the wall of denial to restore hope.
The Power of Self-Awareness: Why Understanding Yourself Changes Everything
Self-awareness is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it improves who you are down to your very core. It is a curse because it is so hard to do the work of facing up to your own dark side. All of us are so good at pretending we are better than who we are, because it's hard to look at our selfishness, greed, anger or dark side. When someone lacks self-awareness, it is far more dif
Joy on Purpose: Real-Life Strategies to Reclaim Your Spark
Joy is more than fleeting happiness; it's a deeper,sustaining energy that gives our lives vitality and meaning.While happiness often depends on circumstances, joy is something we can cultivate, even amid stress, uncertainty, or conflict. It's the quiet undercurrent that helps us bounce back from hard days and reconnect. The more we allow joy in, the more it softens our relationships. Today we will
Regulate Your Emotions for Healthy Communication
Today we're talking about emotional regulation and understanding emotional triggers, and how those two pieces can completely change the way we connect with each other. Communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship—but it's not just what we say, it's how we show up emotionally when we say it. Many of our most challenging conversations aren't actually about the surface issue—like the dis
How to Rebuild Love When Negativity Has Taken Center Stage
There is an emotional toll to chronic negativity. Constant criticism or defensiveness doesn't just chip away at trust—it creates emotional distance. Partners start protecting themselves rather than reaching for each other, and intimacy suffers. Every couple experiences tension, disagreements, and frustrations, but when negativity becomes the main storyline, love starts to get buried under criticis
HOPE AS HEALING: BUILDING EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IN YOU & YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
When life feels heavy, uncertain, or overwhelming, hope can feel like a lifeline. Hope isn't just wishful thinking — it's an emotional force that adds meaning to our life! It's the quiet but powerful belief that things can improve, challenges can be faced and that growth is possible. If you've ever wondered how to keep moving forward when things feel stuck, or how to reignite the spark of possibi
Keeping Passion Alive: Proven Ways to Reignite Your Sex Life
Don't ignore your sex life, it's too easy for sex to slide to the bottom of the priority list. Relationship health improves when there is an active sex life. Whether you're struggling to get back in sync with your partner or simply curious about how to keep the spark alive after kids, this conversation will give you practical tips and hopeful reminders that love and desire can thrive in every sea
Trust as a Superpower: Strengthening Couples and Families
Trust is the foundation a healthy relationship builds on because it creates a sense of safety between partners. Trust is when both people can be open and vulnerable especially in uncertainty. Trust is a big deal that requires some skills that we will learn more about today. Trust leads to individuals feeling seen, heard, and valued for who they truly are. Trust builds resilience that can withstand
Silencing Your Own Inner Critic (&Your Child's)
Today we are going to deal with that voice in all of our heads- the one that judges, doubts, second-guesses, and compares. It tells us we're not doing enough, we're not good enough, or we're not parenting the right way. That voice, often called the inner critic, is oh so relentless. Even casual external criticism, easily fuels this voice that lives in our heads 24/7.
Team Us: Relationship Tips to Stay Aligned, Fair, and Connected
If you've been feeling a bit disconnected, imbalanced, or just unsure of how to get back in sync with your partner—this episode is for you. Let's explore how to make "Team Us" not just a nice idea, but a reality you live in your relationship. Whether you've been together for 3 years or fifty, keeping your relationship on the same page takes more than love—it takes intention, collaboration, and the
Estrangement from Parents, Siblings, or Children: Each Story is Different
Today we're talking about the family stories that don't always get told—Family estrangement is one of those deeply personal experiences that often lives in the shadows—unspoken, misunderstood, and emotionally charged. While we may see stories of reconciliation in movies or TV shows, real life is far messier. People are walking around carrying the weight of broken ties with parents, siblings, or ev
How to Be More Open and Connected Right Now in Your Relationship
Real connecting with another person requires attention. In a world with so much going on, we often end up easily distracted by our fears & negative thoughts. We too quickly rise to defensiveness which builds a wall, instead of being open to understanding the differences we have with somebody else. Just because we love somebody doesn't meant mean we pay enough attention in the moment.
Navigating Divorce with Mediation: Save Time, Money, and Heartache
Divorce doesn't have to be a battlefield. In this episode, we explore the growing popularity of divorce mediation: why so many couples are turning to it, what it can save you emotionally and financially, and when it might backfire. From power imbalances to hidden agendas, we'll unpack the pros and cons of sitting down at the table instead of standing before a judge. This conversation pulls back th
Who Are We Now? After Decades Together Redefine Your Relationship
So it's been decades of doing life together—raising kids, building careers, caring for aging parents—it's no wonder your relationship might feel like it's been on autopilot. Beneath the surface of routine and responsibility, there's still something worthwhile waiting to be rediscovered. Today, we're talking about how to breathe life back into a long-term relationship and create a second marriage w
Invest In Your Own Love Story
Investing in your own love story is one of the most empowering decisions you can make. It means choosing to be intentional about how you love and how you show up in that love. When you prioritize your own relationship, you're not just hoping for a fairy tale ending—you're becoming the author, editor, and leading character. This shift from passive participation to active creation is what sets apart
The Resentment Trap: Holding Grudges in Relationships
Resentments are part of all long-term relationships because there are two imperfect people rubbing shoulders day in and day out. Inevitably feelings get hurt & needs are not going to be met. We're not trained on how to handle that well, so we do it poorly. We either stuff it or are passive aggressive, then we wall ourselves & nothing else goes well.
My Decade Behind The Mic On Relationships and 40+ Years As A Therapist
There have been a lot of experiments on my path to becoming a therapist over the last 40 years. And I am celebrating a decade of podcasting in April of 2025. Making uncertainty bearable in order to take risks, experimenting with choices and exploring is the best path to find your best life. My podcast isn't about changing the essence of who you are. It's about becoming more whole, adding to your
Survive Cheating: Transform Pain into Growth
Today we tackle one of the most painful and challenging experiences anyone can face in a relationship—infidelity. If you've found yourself navigating the emotional turmoil that comes with betrayal, you're not alone. Infidelity shakes up the very foundation of trust & turns the world upside down. We'll dive into the complexities of infidelity and how to start the process of recovery, whether you're
Money Matters in Love: How to Overcome Financial Struggles Together
We're diving into one of the most challenging yet crucial aspects of any relationship, managing money. If you are sharing finances with someone, financial struggles are bound to come up at some point. Money touches almost every part of our lives. And when couples aren't on the same page about how to manage it, stress can quickly build.
Stop the Cycle: How to Handle Conflict and Reduce Resentments
Couples never fighting, means at least one person is catering too much by swallowing their disagreement, which makes things so not interesting. So it may have the appearance of constant joy, but underneath, unspoken resentments are piling up because pretending the differences are not there doesn't work over the long haul. Listen & learn how to make conflict be respectful and not destructive.
Elevating Love: How Growth, Responsibility & Purpose Strengthen Bonds
Growth in love requires openness to change, the willingness to challenge old patterns, and the courage to embrace transformation in the pursuit of something greater. It is the conscious effort to evolve together that truly sustains a relationship. Relationships flourish when both partners take accountability seriously.
TRUST IN LOVE & LIFE: How to build, keep & Repair it
Trust is basic to the infrastructure of every relationship. Trust goes beyond simple honesty. Trust opens the doors to vulnerability & deeper intimacy. Trust means we are able to share our deepest fears, dreams & our true selves which leads to stronger connections that stand the test of time.
Women Finding Love: The Ultimate Guide to Successful Dating
Dating can be exhausting. Meeting people & dating is a messy business. We humans desire connection so let's improve your odds for success with online dating. Dating can be confusing with so many choices, the search for a partner can feel like an endless series of trial & error. It can leave you wondering if the right person will ever show up!
Attachment Anxiety: How Insecurities Affect Your Relationship
Only 38% of Americans say they have a secure attachment style. This episode will explore all the ways our insecurities contribute to our struggles with having healthy relationships. Our insecurities contaminate our relationships and any ability to see things clearly. Our insecurities make us want to leap into the arms of any nearby rescuer/prince to fix our unhappiness. Our insecurities twist us
GET CONNECTED TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
Learning how to be better connected to yourself and others is the key to everything you want. There is nothing more important than relationships and they can be very bewildering. We are often mystified and confused trying to understand ourselves. We find it hard to forgive or even give others the benefit of the doubt in these polarized times. Our disconnections are too plentiful and the easiest th
Codependency: Losing Track of You in Relationships & How to find yourself again
Listen if you are wondering how to determine how much is too much codependency or suspect you are codependent then you may have neglected too many important parts of your own life. Like a juggler in the circus you need to be aware of your own needs not just your partners and sense when you've begun to lose track of yourself.
Navigating Common LGBTQ+ Challenges: Solutions for a Better Future
We delve into the experiences of the LGBTQ+ community, focusing on the common challenges faced and the innovative solutions that are paving the way for a brighter future. Whether you're a member of the LGBTQ+ community, an ally, or someone looking to deepen your understanding, this episode promises to offer valuable insights and actionable advice.
Compulsive Behaviors including Sex Addiction & Pornography: How to Make Progress in Recovery
Both pornography & sexual addiction are very challenging issues for couples. There can be real communication challenges because porn use & sex addiction can make communication about intimacy and sexual preferences impossible. Individuals may find it difficult to discuss their feelings or concerns openly, fearing judgment or rejection. Shame makes this difficult to admit, even to therapists.
Key Couples Skills for Lasting Love
Relationships take work, like anything worthwhile. This episode is going to help you develop skills as a couple. Just like the work of flossing your teeth is better than just brushing, there are skills one or both of you can learn to improve your relationships. Building trust is not an act of magic, it is built on being honest about disagreement and transparency. Creating a solid foundation that h
Stress Less: Strategies to Soothe Your Brain and Find Balance
Stress, is the ever-present companion for most of us in our daily lives. Chronic or excessive stress can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being. Your Brain can be an extremely useful tool in reducing stress. Relieve stress and you will enjoy life & live longer. In today's episode, we delve into the fascinating relationship between stress and the brain, exploring how this intricate dance
Low Sexual Desire & What To Do About It
Sexual well being can relieve stress & contributes to bonding with your partner. Yet it's so easy to give up and not even try to begin talking about it. It's the lack of communication about sex that is the real problem. Pleasure is the measure according to Emily Nagoski. Learn how to improve your sex life.
Unlocking Emotional Intelligence: Improving You & Your Relationships
Understanding our own emotions is a whole lot of work, much less understanding someone else's. Understanding our own emotions is a whole lot of work, much less understanding someone else's. The process of successful communication and negotiation are closely linked to high levels of EQ. The good news is you can improve your emotional intelligence.
Navigating Relationships: Understanding Expectations and Projections
Listen to understand projections & expectations which impact all of our relationships. We all have selfish expectations that cloud our perceptions. If we lack self-awareness then there is even more at stake. We all project aspects of ourselves onto other people, especially the parts of ourselves we don't take ownership of…which easily contaminates relationships.
Thriving Together: Relationship Fun Essentials
Fun is something that is all too often missing in relationships.Over several decades when I've asked couples, what do you want to do for fun as a couple, not as a family? The response is often blank looks or a downcast glance at feet. It was Plato who said, you can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
Attachment Anxiety: Tackling Insecurities for Healthy Relationships
Attachment anxiety. Tackling insecurities for healthy relationships. Insecurities can rob us as individuals and in relationships. Insecurities feed everything from a shopping addiction so you look good on the outside or a secret life of porn because real people are confusing and too messy. Fighting our insecurities is a battle all of us share.
MORE FORGIVING LOVE
Learn how to be more forgiving in love. Whether you are discouraged about dating or questioning whether your relationship is good enough, we've got some great answers in our interview today. Love sets up a lot of expectations beginning with our own fantasies of what love is supposed to be. When the truth is real love is deciding to do the work of being a better person because you love somebody els
BUILDING STRONGER CONNECTIONS WHEN YOUR PARTNER WANTS MORE
Connection is a tricky business. Creating and maintaining genuine connections within relationships is a multifaceted challenge that holds profound importance in our lives. The intricate dance of understanding, empathy, and communication often proves to be a mystery to all of us. Miscommunications, differing perspectives, and the complexities of individual personalities can leave us confused as to
Healing from Within: Understanding Self-Forgiveness
Self-Forgiveness is an essential aspect of personal growth and well-being, as it enables individuals to move forward, heal, and cultivate a positive relationship with themselves. Forgiving oneself is important because it allows individuals to break free from the shackles of self-blame and regret. We all make mistakes, experience failures, and engage in behaviors we later feel really bad about.
Breaking Down Barriers: Overcoming Challenges in Sexual Intimacy
Our sex lives are too easy to leave behind. It's so easy to make excuses & dismiss opportunity with "I'm too tired." Going without sex for long periods of time creates feelings of hurt & rejection that pile up to destroy connectedness. If a couple is unable to talk about sex then negative assumptions are silently stashed.
Communication Breakdown: Overcoming Challenges in High-Conflict Relationships
Everybody can get stuck in repeating patterns of ugly disagreement. Frustrations run high & solutions seem impossible. Communication can so easily break down for so many reasons. The intensity of the unhappiness that never gets resolved leads to a familiar stickiness that neither feels able to dig out of... The good news is it is possible!
Feelings Unleashed: Understanding & Harnessing Emotions
Emotions are messy and confusing - they can so easily take us for a ride. Loneliness can carry us into bad relationships. Our fears can keep us isolated. Our shame can ruthlessly feed self-doubt & self-torture. Our resentments & anger can keep us stuck. We are unable to communicate decently if we don't have emotional balance. Listen & learn what to do about this difficult business of emotions.
Shame's Stranglehold On You & Your Relationships
Shame strikes at the core of an individual's self-worth. When individuals feel ashamed, they believe that they, themselves, are bad, rather than simply acknowledging that they have done something wrong, which is why shame can be a massive roadblock to healing for so many people.
DENIAL & SELF-DECEPTION DAMAGE RELATIONSHIPS
Accepting reality and acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses is essential for personal development. By denying or distorting reality, individuals may miss opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and reaching their full potential. So lying to ourselves definitely stunts our growth.
How Couples Can Win with Finances
Money & how to manage this difficult subject as a team instead of ignoring the problems or constantly fighting. Money is a powerful force that touches every aspect of our lives, and when it comes to romantic partnerships, it can be a source of unity or division.
In Pursuit of Wellness: Finding Your Best Therapist Match
Therapy is a process that has to be honest…it is both an art & a science in my mind. It is impossible to grow if both of your feet are in comfort & support. You need to straddle the line between support, safety & being challenged or uncomfortable. Therapy requires that you be uncomfortable to learn new ways to look at yourself.
From Clashes to Connection: Using Disagreement to Deepen Relationships
Agreement and harmony are too often celebrated as the cornerstones of strong relationships, it is only in the presence of healthy disagreement that truly adds depth, resilience, and growth to these bonds. Disagreement, when approached constructively and respectfully, can foster better understanding, promote critical thinking, and lead to enhanced empathy and connection. When people stop avoiding h
Sleep: Separating Fact from Fiction for Better Sleep and Stronger Relationships
Sleep is a universal experience that affects everyone. Sleep is particularly relevant to relationships, as poor sleep habits can impact both partners and cause relationship stress. Sleep disorders can also affect sexual intimacy, emotional regulation, and communication within relationships.
Building Trust: The Foundation of Strong Relationships
Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. It gives it its foundation, making sure everything else can fall into place and stay there. Without trust, relationships don't stand much chance for success - infidelity or poor communication can lead to disputes which often cause hurt feelings on both sides involved. So if you're looking for advice on building trustworthy bonds with t
Unlocking The Secret To No More Arguing
Couples need guidance for navigating conflict wisely and skillfully. Hearing what someone has to say is integral in communication, particularly when working through a conflict. Being able to really listen and take in another person's perspective can be the difference between resolving an argument or making it worse. Good listening means hearing them out without judgment, being curious instead of c
Relationships with Yourself & Others While In Recovery
Recovery can be very difficult because of shame. Shame is an obstacle to healing for everybody. How do you face hard truths about your own dark side without drowning in the shame? Learn how to balance the footprint of shame that stomps on your soul. The only way to continue to respect that your partner's generosity is used up is to recognize that actions speak louder than words. The work of recove
IMPROVE PARENTING TEENS & REDUCE STRESS ON COUPLES
Parenting teens can be a struggle and an additional stress on relationships. Your sweet easy to maneuver children turn into road blocks & obstacles. Parents wonder what happened & where did they go wrong. It's really not about what went wrong it's about understanding you've entered a new world and you have to find the flexibility to do things differently. Teens are hungry for respect & the power t
Relationship Goals: Prioritizing Personal Fulfillment for Lasting Love
We'll explore how prioritizing our own personal growth and self-care can translate into stronger and more fulfilling relationships with our partners. We'll also be sharing tips and strategies for cultivating a sense of inner fulfillment and well-being, and how to apply these principles to our relationships.
Unpacking The Benefits Of A Healthy Sex Life
Insights from a Sex Therapist Expert. Why not prioritize your sex life and wellness? Listen if you are curious about how your sex life stacks up against the rest of America. Did you know that men feel greater distress when they're not content with their sex life? Communication is key if you are looking to improve satisfaction in your sexual relationship.
Creating A More Satisfying Relationship
Relationships can be very confusing. We are taught reading, science, history & if we are lucky sex ed but not anything about what creates trust, why repair is important or how to communicate especially when we are vulnerable. Learning about connections, how to build them & keep them is sorely missing. This episode will fill that knowledge gap!
How To Make Conflict Work For Real Intimacy
We all believe it is ideal not to fight, this is complete fantasy. The only way to have real intimacy is to be authentic about our differences instead of swallowing our secret truths. We all want to avoid the messiness of conflict and being uncomfortable which is short term thinking. We all make excuses easily "I didn't want to hurt you" which is really about avoiding hard conversations which lead
Embracing Conflict To Improve Your Relationships
People love to avoid conflict because it is messy. Conflict makes people uncomfortable and they don't like not knowing what will happen. Conflict is really important to growing up. My definition of growing up is honestly facing painful situations. Conflict offers an opportunity to grow up, and it's certainly not easy. Learn in this episode how to step into conflict in a respectful way.
CULTURE AS A CONNECTION COUPLES CAN SHARE
There are different ways for couples to be connected; mutual religion as a shared values system, all the many physical activities of tennis, rock climbing, dancing or kayaking. Having shared connections of the ways you enjoy life together really matters. Culture offers so much to anyone as an individual or as a couple. David Brooks describes a piece of art…"as a portal to a deeper realm of the min
Ingredients for Relationship Longevity; Imagination, Attention & Gumption
Longevity in relationships slips so easily through our fingers, it's not a simple or small achievement, unless one partner is almost always submissive & not resentful about their wants being ignored. Two adults who are equal in sharing power over priorities, values & decision making have to be involved in constant work together over the decades. This requires partners have imagination, attention &
Empowering Men To Understand Problems In Relationships
This episode is for men who want to do better but don't begin or to know how & their partners who love them. Women often feel misunderstood & men feel like "What more can I do?" and giving up becomes the path with the least pain attached. This episode is to give men guidance on how to grow into even better versions of themselves…which I believe is the great purpose of relationships.
EXHAUSTED WOMEN & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
Tiredness is often a triangle of trouble that includes guilt & fears. Wading through those feelings is no small task. They stick to your soul like gum on the bottom of your shoe & contaminate your belief in yourself. It helps to remember that your feelings are not facts. Thoughtfully consider what is the evidence for your feelings & don't put so much weight on them as accurate.
MOTIVATION FOR THE WORK OF LOVE
What motivates you to have a better relationship or even a better life? Because it will take work. Do you do the work of loving someone? It's work to accept the parts you find annoying or tedious - it's work to make yourself understood - it's work to listen to disagreement - it's work to respect the differences. It's work to to survive important values collisions. It's work in a frantic/busy life
Let's Talk About Online Dating & The Data
Dating is really hard work because there is so much uncertainty. Dating is a dance of two people not knowing each other & trying to figure out is it worth spending more of your precious time with this person. It takes time to really know someone. Dating can be both exhausting & discouraging if your interest is not reciprocated. Today's interview is with the Head of Global Communications for OKCUPI
Male Depression & Emotional Inexpressiveness
Often men keep from being vulnerable by being vague, especially about feelings. Feelings are avoided because they are confusing or hard to identify. Men often aren't encouraged to talk about their feelings. In fact, they're sometimes discouraged from doing so. Additionally, men often tend to shy away from vulnerable conversations. This cultural expectation can easily make things more difficult for
Understanding The Relationships Between Top Dogs & People-pleasers
This is an ordinary relationship pattern and it offers a real opportunity for both people to grow & improve who they are. People-pleasers of course go along to get along, they are helpful & kind & often neglect their own needs. A Top Dog goes after their own wants with clarity & drive, and they can neglect others before they will neglect themselves. Opposites attract is exactly why this is a patte
People-pleasing In Relationships & What To Do About It
People-pleasing is all about being heavily lopsided in pleasing others as a way of gaining their approval & maintaining relationships. People-pleasing is of course on a continuum, at work in a subordinate role & to fit in socially it is very useful. Less useful are those people-pleasers who end up erasing their authentic self in relationships. People-pleasers have to learn to make conflict & disag
Sex & Sexual Desire in Long Term Relationships
Sexuality is a complex, crucial activity. Only on television where couples reach maximum orgasm easily. Our interest in sex naturally ebbs and flows over the course of a long- term relationship as we age or deal with life changes— It's important to keep in mind that researchers have reliably found that individuals who accept these fluctuations as normal and natural are more sexually satisfied
MANIPULATION IN ALL IT'S COMPLEXITY
Everybody manipulates to get what they want, even 3 year olds. Manipulation is part of our defense system. Manipulation are ways to win, to have power & control. There are caring & acceptable ways in trying to win games or a politician trying to win votes. Negative manipulations are all about avoiding vulnerablity & having power over others to win. There is always a choice to manipulate with c
Individualism Hurts The US in Relationships
Great relationships start with your relationship to yourself. You will be harsh with others if you are harsh with yourself. There are three parts to every relationship. There is you, your partner & the US. Learning to sacrifice in order to take care of the US is something that is not talked about enough in relationships. Individualism needs to be balanced by recognizing what's good for the US.
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