Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
A weekly movie podcast hosted by stand-up comedians Ryan Cullen and Mark Nelson. They pick apart their film of the week, often veering off-topic for laughs. Argumentative, unqualified, and very funny.
Episodes
Absolute Cuts #147 - WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP
“I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest”
Episode 146 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Jeopardy-ing, slam dunking, yo mamma-ing classic White Men Can't Jump. Ryan and Mark talk about sexist tradesmen, decorating the Sistine Chapel and whether Rosie Perez ruins this film.
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Absolute Cuts #145 - CONGO
"Stop eating my sesame cake"
Episode 145 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 hippo attacking, sign language-ing, gorilla lasering classic Congo. Ryan and Mark talk about the dark web, U2, and Laura Linney wiping out an entire species of mammal.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and
Absolute Cuts #144 - 9 TO 5
"You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot."
Episode 144 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1980 gun-toting, sexually harassing, boss tying classic 9 to 5. Ryan and Mark talk about Ed Sheeran, an alternative Wizard of Oz and why Dolly's breasts are so pointy.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see
Absolute Cuts #143 - MIAMI VICE
"Let's take it to the limit one more time"
Episode 143 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 mojito-ing, Ferrari driving, Go Fast boating classic Miami Vice. Ryan and Mark talk about how Nelson's cruise, Cullen's tattoo and whether this is a good film or a cool film.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in
Absolute Cuts #142 - A TIME TO KILL
"Yes they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell"
Episode 142 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 vigilante justicing, drink driving, constantly sweating classic A Time To Kill. Ryan and Mark talk about how much you think people would pay for your ransom, why comedian's posters are so bad, and discuss whether this is the sweatiest film of all time.
Please
Absolute Cuts #141 - JURASSIC PARK
"Life, uh, finds a way"
Episode 141 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 DNA cloning, velociraptoring, 65 million years in the making classic Jurassic Park. Ryan and Mark talk about what you would do if you trap skin in your zip, Nelson being attacked and why John Hammond absolutely did spare expense.
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Absolute Cuts #140 - SCARY MOVIE
"Did you just say you went "poopie"?"
Episode 140 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 mass ejaculating, hoover humping, horror spoofing classic Scary Movie. Ryan and Mark talk about escape rooms, the best names for substances and 6 reasons why this film would never, EVER get made now.
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Absolute Cuts (Patreon Sneak Peek) - THAT'S MY BOY
A special peek behind the curtains of what our Patreons are getting as Mark And Ryan discuss the 2012 dodgy teachering, Vanilla Iceing, close relationing classic That's My Boy.
It is safe to say it is the wildest film we have ever seen so we thought it was too good to not get out to the public as well.
Patreons get these special Patreon nominated episodes as well as a whole host of other regular e
Absolute Cuts #139 - GREEN STREET (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)
"You don't run, not when you're with us... You stand your ground and fight"
Episode 139 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 West Haming, Yank Journaling, callinng it soccering classic Green Street. Ryan and Mark pitch their new film Dr Congo, Nelson talks about his Boston experience and they debate whether Frodo would ever be able to throw a punch.
Please get
Absolute Cuts #138 - THE FOOTBALL FACTORY (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)
"Are you trying to mug me off in front of my pals?"
Episode 138 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 granny smashing, Chelsea booting, Zeberdeeing classic The Football Factory. Ryan and Mark talk about Scotland fans in Boston, Nelson's constant anxiety and whether they would've been good hooligans.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, wh
Absolute Cuts #137 - GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'
"I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward"
Episode 137 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 chain wearing, bullet proof vesting, gangsta rapping classic Get Rich Or Die Tryin. Ryan and Mark talk about Christian Eriksen exploding, our holiday in Croatia and why every film should have a naked men fighting in the shower scene.
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Absolute Cuts #136 - CON AIR
"Put the bunny back in the box"
Episode 136 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 Billy Bedlaming, Diamond Dogging, Cyrus Da Damn Virusing classic Con Air. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's worst death for years, whether people who jump in front of trains are selfish and who would be cast in a modern version of Con Air.
Please get in touch and let us know if you
Absolute Cuts #135 - BLOODSPORT
"Time to separate the man from the boys."
Episode 135 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 constant montageing, face gurning, leg splitting classic Bloodsport. Ryan and Mark talk about sober podcasters, removing skin tags and the greatest uppercut in cinema history.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in
Absolute Cuts #134 - THE GREEN MILE
"I tried to take it back... but it was too late."
Episode 134 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 mouse circusing, dry sponging, fly spewing classic The Green Mile. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen making tea when he is drunk, Nelson's trip to Australia and why John Coffey is the biggest player in Louisiana.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcas
ABSOLUTE CUTS SPECIAL LIVE EPISODE FROM AUSTRIA
Our first ever live show recorded at the top of the Alps in Maryhofen, Austria.
Yeah we were surprised as well.
We are also joined by our first ever special guest, the wonderful comedian Paul Smith.
We talk about naked saunas, Aperol Spritz and delve into Paul's first ever acting role.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episode
Absolute Cuts #133 - STARSHIP TROOPERS
"The only good bug is a dead bug"
Episode 133 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 communal showering, brain sucking, SS costuming classic Starship Troopers. Ryan and Mark talk people not having kids, sex at JP Morgan and why this is one of the most intelligent films ever made.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like
Absolute Cuts #132 - CLIFFHANGER
"You want to kill me don't you Tucker? Well take a number and get in line."
Episode 132 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 girlfriend dropping, human sledging, stalactite maiming classic Cliffhanger. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen's worst ever meal, breast reductions and why no one in this film is good at their job.
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Absolute Cuts #131 - PULP FICTION
"I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing"
Episode 131 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 Jack Rabbit Slimming, bring out the Gimping, Ezekiel 25-17ing classic Pulp Fiction. Ryan and Mark talk about robots running marathons, the Michael Jackson biopic and why Butch girlfriend is the worst character in all of films.
Please get in touch and let us know if yo
Absolute Cuts #130 - INVASION USA
"One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die."
Episode 130 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 constant bazooka-ing double denim-ing, roundhouse kicking classic Invasion USA. Ryan and Mark talk about our live show in the Alps, racist audience members and why this film has the worst terrorists of all time.
Please get
Absolute Cuts #129 - FALLING DOWN
"I'm the bad guy?"
Episode 129 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 car ditching, roadworks bazooka-ing, Whammy Burgering classic Falling Down Ryan and Mark talk about the first episode of SNL UK, why Nelson won't order cocktails and which of the film's scenarios would make us lose it.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you
Absolute Cuts #128 - SMOKIN' ACES
"Dog-pile of piss-poor physique on top of a small cock and hereditary alcoholism"
Episode 128 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 facial reconstructing, calfskin jacket jizzing, Alicia Keysing classic Smokin' Aces. Ryan and Mark talk about their upcoming live show, the Oscar results and rank this film's hitmen and women.
Please get in touch and let us know if y
Absolute Cuts #127 - VARSITY BLUES
"Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina"
Episode 127 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 whipped cream bikini-ing, mass concussion-ing, hook and laddering classic Varsity Blues. Ryan and Mark talk about Nelson being aggressive at the cinema, Americans being angry at geography and how many crimes the kids in this film ar
Absolute Cuts #126 - WEDDING CRASHERS
"The painting was gift Todd"
Episode 126 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 purple hearting, motorboating, under the table jerking classic Wedding Crashers. Ryan and Mark talk about cartels, the furore at the BAFTAS, and whether lying to get your hole is really that bad.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to se
Absolute Cuts #125 - DICK TRACY
"Around me, if a woman don't wear mink, she don't wear nuttin'."
Episode 125 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 tommy gunning, tramp beating, flat-topping classic Dick Tracy. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's Valentine's Day card, joining the French foreign legion and why Warren Beatty is Hollywood's greatest shagger.
Please get in touch and let us know if yo
Absolute Cuts #124 - STREET KINGS
"How can you shoot a guy taking a dump? I mean, seriously, that's sacred"
Episode 124 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 Korean insulting, double crossing, cop snitching classic Street Kings. Ryan and Mark talk about how overrated cake is, the Superbowl and whether Keanu belongs on the Mount Rushmore of action stars.
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Absolute Cuts #123 - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"
Episode 123 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1991 liver eating, jizz flinging, Buffalo Billing classic The Silence Of The Lambs. Ryan and Mark talk about Epstein island photographers, sleeping in an airport and why this film makes Jodie Foster out to be the sexiest woman alive.
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Absolute Cuts #122 - A FEW GOOD MEN
"You can't handle the truth"
Episode 122 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Code Red-ing, softball bat thinking, Guantanamo Bay-ing, classic A Few Good Men. Ryan and Mark talk about smelling your clothes, Netflix almost broadcasting a snuff film and whether murdering a Marine is ever okay.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what gu
Absolute Cuts #121 - THE MASK
"P-A-R-T-Y? Cos I GOTTA"
Episode 121 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 red dress smouldering, wolf whistling, Cuban Pete-ing classic The Mask. Ryan and Mark talk about how pathetic Andrew Tate is, getting a hair in your mouth and why The Mask is the villain of this film.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to s
Absolute Cuts #120 - VIOLENT NIGHT (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"I steer a little bit, but the reindeer do most of the work"
Episode 120 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2022 Santa vomiting, hammer wielding, chimney disembowling classic Violent Night. Ryan and Mark discuss Cullen's Dad committing crimes, the worst possible death imagineable and why Santa has a bigger kill count than most movie characters.
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Absolute Cuts - BEST OF Vol 1
Here you go Cuts. The best of all the episodes so far. Our funniest clips so far as chosen by our wonderful patreons.
Apologies for our absence. This is due to circumstance massively out-with our control. All will be explained.
Mark and Ryan will be back next week with the last of your Christmas specials VIOLENT NIGHT and a patreon only episode where we tackle the classic BONE ALONE.
Absolute Cuts #119 - NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION (Christmas Special)
"Merry Christmas. Shitter was full"
Episode 119 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 tree felling, sled crashing, cat frying classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Ryan and Mark discuss Mick McCarthy, why some kids shouldn't get Christmas presents and how Clark W Griswold is the horniest movie Dad.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the pod
Absolute Cuts #118 - JINGLE ALL THE WAY (CHRISTMAS SPEICAL)
"PUT THE COOKIE DOWN, NOW"
Episode 118 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 neighbour shagging, reindeer lamping, Turbomanning classic Jingle All The Way. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas gigs, the World Cup draw and how this film has the most inappropriate character in any Christmas film.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests
Absolute Cuts #117 - GREMLINS (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical"
Episode 117 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 bright lighting, wet getting, after Midnight feeding classic Gremlins. Ryan and Mark discuss the various gifts that Cuts fans have given us, Robbie Williams' boyband Battle Royale and Nelson has theories about what Gremlins is actu
Absolute Cuts #116 - THE VAN
"Do heavy metalers eat chips, Larry?"
Episode 116 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 nappy battering, dog flattening, Packie Bonnar penalty saving classic The Van. Ryan and Mark discuss Scotland's triumphant return to the World Cup, Wicked and how we have now completed or first trilogy, the Barrytown saga.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the
Absolute Cuts #115 - GOLDFINGER
"No Mr Bond, I expect you to die"
Episode 115 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1964 ejector seating, bowler hat tossing, Pussy Galoring classic Goldfinger. Ryan and Mark discuss why bullying needs to return, whether it is illegal to suckle on a cow or Bill Clinton and Nelson expresses his sheer joy about finally tackling a Bond film.
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Absolute Cuts #114 - JARHEAD
"Hey, look! It's a cock, but smaller"
Episode 114 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 pink misting, Deer Hunter viewing, bored in the deserting classic Jarhead.
Mark and Ryan talk about how Nelson's tour is going, argue over who is the most handsome actor and the funniest way to die on D Day.
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Absolute Cuts #113 - THE GODFATHER
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."
Episode 113 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1972 horse heading, tollbooth massacring, connoli taking classic The Godfather. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas ads, Lily Allen and the size of Sonny Corleone's dong.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episod
Absolute Cuts #112 - THE OTHER GUYS
"I am a peacock, you gotta let me fly"
Episode 112 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 TLC quoting, Gator pimping, Dirty Mike and The Boys-ing classic The Other Guys. Ryan and Mark discuss first getting Sky TV, where we rank in ugly podcasters and the comedy genius of Michael Keaton.
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Absolute Cuts #111 - THE EXORCIST (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
"The power of Christ compels you"
Episode 111 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1973 head spinning, pea soup vomiting, Mother sucks cocks in hell-ing classic The Exorcist. Ryan and Mark discuss their Halloween costumes, misogyny in the car and why we love big Pazuzu.
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Absolute Cuts #110 - THE RITUAL (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
"My old scoutmaster used to say 'If the shortcut was a shortcut, it wouldn't be called a shortcut, it would be called a route"
Episode 110 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2017 off license murdering, Swedish hiking, sacrifice to a massive goating classic The Ritual. Ryan and Mark discuss why men like each other more than women, the neediness of Gods and Nelson gi
Absolute Cuts #109 - ROCKY
"Aaaaaaaddddddddrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiaaaaaaaannnnnnnn"
Episode 109 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1976 meat pounding, stair running, Italian Stallioning classic Rocky. Ryan and Mark discuss online trolls, Chat GPTs writing us some jokes and the morals of allowing someone with learning difficulties take on a world title fight.
Please get in touch and let us know if y
Absolute Cuts #108 - FOUR LIONS
"Rubber dinghy rapids bro."
Episode 108 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 bleach buying, crow exploding, Dancing In The Moonlighting classic Four Lions. Ryan and Mark discuss taking photos at Auschwitz, Donald Trump impressions and why this is the darkest comedy you will see.
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Absolute Cuts #107 - INDECENT PROPOSAL
"Would you mind lending me your wife?"
Episode 107 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 old man pumping, brick metaphoring, hippo auctioning classic Indecent Proposal. Ryan and Mark discuss memorials, dirty talk in bed and ask why the fuck Billy Connolly is in this film.
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Absolute Cuts #106 - BRAVEHEART
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM"
Episode 106 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 primo noctusing, York sacking, hung drawn and quaretering classic Blraveheart. Ryan and Mark discuss soap operas, multiple celebrity deaths and try to figure out whether anything in this film is accurate.
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Absolute Cuts #105 - BLACK SWAN
"I just want to be perfect"
Episode 105 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 pirouette-ing, plié-ing, arabesque-ing classic Black Swan. Ryan and Mark discuss pickling things, what you would do if you won the lottery and why most actors don't deserve to win Oscars.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in f
Absolute Cuts #104 - SE7EN
"What's in the box"?
Episode 104 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 force feeding, Wild Bill leathering, deadly sinning classic Se7en. Ryan and Mark discuss being in the Outer Hebrides, how you lamp someone and the best way to prevent being sexually assaulted in prison.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to se
Absolute Cuts #103 - SUPERMAN (1978)
"Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton."
Episode 103 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1978 earth spinning, cape swaying, fortress of solituding classic Superman. Ryan and Mark discuss the Fringe, unappreciative children and whether there was any need to see baby Superman's penis.
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Absolute Cuts #102 - HARD BOILED
"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God."
Episode 102 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 bird cage smashing, library assassining, shootout baby carrying classic Hard Boiled. Ryan and Mark discuss losing to the homeless, shite trains and why Hong Kong's police force is the worst in the world.
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Absolute Cuts #101 - RESERVOIR DOGS
"Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"
Episode 101 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 ear-slicing, Like A Virgin-ing, Super Sounds of the 70's-ing, classic Reservoir Dogs. Ryan and Mark discuss their festival weekend, The Lionnesses and Nelson suggests this film created podcasts.
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Absolute Cuts #100 - JAWS
"Here's to swimming with bow-legged women"
Episode 100 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1975 child eating, barrel raising, farewell and adieuing classic, abd GREATEST FILM EVER MADE Jaws.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to suggest a film.
Email : absolutecutspodcast@hotmail.com
Absolute Cuts #99 - HEAT
"For me the action is the juice"
Episode 99 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 armoured car ramming, street shootouting, GREAT ASSing classic Heat. Ryan and Mark talk about the deaths of Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan, the Coldplay couple and decide on who is better, Pacino or De Niro.
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Absolute Cuts #98 - DIRTY DANCING
"Nobody puts baby in the corner"
Episode 98 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1987 watermelon carrying, backstreet abortioning, time of my lifeing classic Dirty Dancing. Ryan and Mark talk about Nelson's holiday scam, autistic celebrities and why Swayze deserved a better career.
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Absolute Cuts #97 - JUMPER
"I told you I'm different. I could have dropped you with the sharks."
Episode 97 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 Sphinx squatting, Colliseum scrapping, blond Samuel L Jacksoning disaster Jumper. Ryan and Mark talk about things being gay, Cullen ruining yet another Whatsapp group and why Hayden Christiansen has less charisma than a toilet roll tube.
Please
Absolute Cuts #96 - THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
"Sell me this pen."
Episode 96 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2013 dwarf tossing, lude tanning, fun couponing classic The Wolf Of Wall Street. Ryan and Mark talk about Bonnie Blue, lawless golf and whether this film glamourises being a horrible human being.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future
Absolute Cuts #95 - WANTED
"I say kill them all, and let fate sort out the mess."
Episode 95 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 keyboard smashing, rat exploding, bullet bending classic Wanted. Ryan and Mark talk about fridges, the population of Andorra and what Arnold Schwarzenegger says during sex.
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Absolute Cuts #94 - CHINATOWN
"Have you ever heard the expression "Let sleeping dogs lie"? Sometimes you're better off not knowing."
Episode 94 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1974 water warring, nose slicing, sister and daughtering classic Chinatown. Ryan and Mark talk about Nelson dying his hair again, World War 3 and the horribleness of Roman Polanski.
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Absolute Cuts #93 - FOOTLOOSE
"Did you ever get busted for bopping?"
Episode 93 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 tractor chickening, mill swinging, Sunday shoe kicking offing disaster Footloose Ryan and Mark talk about the size of Cullen balls, Chat GPT and why no one in the film can actually dance.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to s
Absolute Cuts #92 : SCHINDLER'S LIST
“Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”
Episode 92 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 enamel making, red coat wearing, hope reaffirming classic Schindler's List. Ryan and Mark talk about Sydney Sweeney's bath water, mental books for kids and find out a wild nearly casting for this film.
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Absolute Cuts #91 : MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II
"This is not mission difficult, Mr. Hunt, it's mission impossible. 'Difficult' should be a walk in the park for you."
Episode 91 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 , rock climbing, disease creating, motorbike jousting classic Mission Impossible II. Ryan and Mark talk about farting on cakes, Napoli and why Ethan Hunt is the way he is with women.
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Absolute Cuts # 90- SLITHER
"It's obvious the bastard's got Lyme disease"
Episode 90 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 tentacle probing, bath worming, exploding in a barn-ing classic Slither. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's memorable taxi journey, blood tests and why this is the most fucked up film they have seen in a long time.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the po
Absolute Cuts #89 : STAND BY ME
"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve"
Episode 89 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1986 child smoking, leech pulling, competitive pie eating classic Stand By Me. Ryan and Mark talk about if certain things would get you arrested, Cullen conquering LA and how you should remove a leech.
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Absolute Cuts #88 : TOMBSTONE
"I'm your huckleberry"
Episode 88 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 lungering, opium tanning, pistol whipping classic Tombstone. Ryan and Mark talk about how pish coffee is, golf and what character we would be in a Western.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to suggest a film.
Absolute Cuts #87 : DOGMA
"Snootch to the motherfuckin' nootch"
Episode 87 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 fallen angel-ing, last scion-ing, female Almighty-ing classic Dogma. Ryan and Mark talk about pilates, Kneecap, and Nelson asks the most controversial question on the podcast to date.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on
Absolute Cuts #86 : MISSISSIPPI BURNING
"You know what, Anderson? You're starting to get so far up my nose, I'm beginning to feel your boots on my chin!"
Episode 86 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 cornholing, shitkicking, good ole boying classic Mississippi Burning. Ryan and Mark talk about Judas, Willem Dafoe's cock and Cullen reveals the most mental thing he almost did.
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Absolute Cuts #85 : ROMEO MUST DIE
"Guns don't kill people. People kill people"
Episode 85 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 xray showing, DMXing, Aaliyahing pile of shit Romeo Must Die. Ryan and Mark talk about crows, offensive Irish jokes and Nelson gets Cullen with the best one for a while.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in fut
Absolute Cuts #84 : SHAUN OF THE DEAD
"You've got red on you"
Episode 84 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 flesh eating, Mother shooting, Don't Stop Me Now-ing classic Shaun Of The Dead. Ryan and Mark talk about pig farms, comfortable shoes and the best weapon to kill a zombie.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to
Absolute Cuts #83 : AUSTIN POWERS INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY
“Allow myself to introduce... myself.”
Episode 83 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 shagadelicking, big bag of ssshhing, yeah babying classic Austin Powers. Ryan and Mark talk about aspirin, Val Kilmer and disagree over how hot Elizabeth Hurley is.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episod
Absolute Cuts #82 : THE LONGEST YARD
“You gotta always protect the McNuggets”
Episode 82 of Absolute Cuts sees host Ryan Cullen and special guest host Daniel Sloss discuss the 2005 drunk driving, sadistic wardening, convict touchdowning classic The Longest Yard. Ryan and Daniel talk about WhatsApp group nicknames, Karl Urban & fight about their movie tastes.
Normal service resumes next week when Nelson is back from the Alps.
Ple
Absolute Cuts #81 - THE QUEEN
"And remember, it's "Ma'am" as in "ham", not "Ma'am" as in "farm"."
Episode 81 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 stag hunting, curtseying, People's Princess murdering classic The Queen. Mark & Ryan talk about St Paddy's Day, Nelson's first lads holiday and find out the dogs were the real stars of this film.
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Absolute Cuts #80 - WHIPLASH
"Now were you rushing or were you dragging?"
Episode 80 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2014 chair hurling, finger bleeding, Caravaning classic Whiplash. Mark & Ryan talk about breakfast in a bag, the Glastonbury line up and what is more important, greatness or happiness?
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Absolute Cuts #79 - THE NAKED GUN
"Nice beaver"
Episode 79 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 Queen first pitching, dual safe sexing, OJ Simpsoning classic The Naked Gun. Mark & Ryan talk about modern audiences, getting out of jury duty, and why this film deserved an Oscar.
Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and
Absolute Cuts #78 - THE SNAPPER
"I suppose a ride is out of the question?"
Episode 78 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 Spanish sailoring, pints with the ladsing, drinking while pregnanting classic The Snapper. Mark & Ryan discuss eating chicken in bed, Popes and whether this is the most Irish film ever made.
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Absolute Cuts #77 - BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY
"This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers."
Episode 77 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2001 chain smoking, Chardonnay drinking, massive pant wearing horror show Bridget Jones's Diary. Mark & Ryan discuss Amsterdam, Ozempic and why there only seemed to be about 12 English actors through the whole of the 90s/2000s.
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Absolute Cuts #76 - ANACONDA
"The last time I was in water like this I had to stay up all night picking leeches off my scrotum"
Episode 76 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 wasp choking, Owen Wilson shagging, sneering at J-Loing classic Anaconda. Mark & Ryan discuss ruining wrestling for kids, Cullen Oscar play offing Nelson and fucking JON VOIGT.
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Absolute Cuts #75 - SIGNS
"Swing away Merrill"
Episode 75 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2002 crop circling, faith losing, half water drinking classic Signs. Mark & Ryan discuss what they would do to each other's corpses, where Cullen has stuck his inhaler and Nelson presents another of his theories about this film.
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Absolute Cuts #74 - JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE
“I'd hit him with my car if he wouldn't make body casts a fashion statement"
Episode 74 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 thong wearing, oestrogen slurping, herpes advertising bin fire John Tucker Must Die. Mark & Ryan discuss Nazis in the White House, speaking Czech and why it would be better if someone actually died in this godawful film.
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Absolute Cuts #73 - SPEED
"Pop quiz hot shot”
Episode 73 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 lift dropping, subway beheading, 50mph-ing classic Speed. Mark & Ryan discuss why you don’t get many mad bastards anymore, Nelson explains his marathon idea and whether Keane belongs on the action star Mount Rushmore.
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Absolute Cuts #72 - THE NIGHT BEFORE (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"Don't do my dad doggy-style. He's got very bad knees."
Episode 72 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2015 Nutcracker Balling, Cocaine blooding, Miley Cyrusing classic The Night Before. Mark & Ryan discuss Bram Stoker, how Christopher Reeve died and Ryan revisits his hatred of Anthony Mackie.
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Absolute Cuts #71 - DIE HARD (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs"
Episode 71 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 bare footing, yippe ki aying, now I have a machine gunning classic Die Hard. Mark & Ryan discuss shite advent calendars, Nelson's anti ageing process and what Die Hard is really about.
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Absolute Cuts #70 - ELF (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"SANTA"
Episode 70 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the twirly wirly gum dropping, son of a nutcrackering, cotton headed ninimugginsing classic Elf. Mark & Ryan discuss hangover cures, the state of modern society and Nelson ruins yet another family favourite with his theories.
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