PsycHacks
PsycHacks offers short, thought-provoking episodes several times a week on various psychological topics, inspired by clinical practice. Each episode aims to help listeners see themselves or their world from a new perspective.
Episodes
Episode 658: The five hard conversations (preventing divorce)
The five hard conversations reveal major relationship incompatibilities before they become deeply entrenched and may collectively be one of the best tools for preventing divorce. Every serious couple needs to talk about sex, money, children, politics/religion, and in-laws. The goal isn't perfect alignment, but recognition of which differences can be negotiated – and which are better revealed befor
Episode 657: When empathy is evil (Lindsay Clancy)
When empathy is evil, compassion overrides accountability, justice, and concern for the true victims. Using the case of Lindsay Clancy, this episode examines the psychological forces behind the public response to a mother who admitted to murdering her children. What happens when empathy for the perpetrator eclipses the suffering of the innocent – and what does that mean for the social order?
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Episode 656: Cultivating need (keep her busy)
Cultivating need is a controversial, but pragmatic approach to maintaining long-term relationships. In this episode, I explain why the intentional cultivation of need can strengthen bonds and prevent relationships from fading into irrelevance. Keep her busy with projects that provide genuine value, dignity, and a sense of purpose.
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Episode 655: Finding good women (how to test them)
Finding good women depends on your ability to discern which women are enthusiastic about entering your frame – and which women aren't. In this episode, I explain how to test them using simple, reasonable requests to reveal compatibility, interest, and respect. Make space for the women who genuinely want to be in your life – and let the rest fall by the wayside.
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Episode 654: 90% love (don't go all the way)
This episode was inspired by Patrice O'Neal, who once said he only offers a woman 90% love. This is really good advice. Boundaries may be antithetical to love, but they do make for good relationships. By all means, emotionally invest in your long-term relationships – but don't go all the way. Here's why.
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Episode 653: She ain't yours (she's yours for now)
Men set themselves up for disappointment when they think of the women in their lives as theirs. The truth is she ain't yours – she's yours for now. Using a viral real-world story, I examine hypergamy, loyalty, and the incentives that shape modern relationships. Ultimately, your relationship will last as long as the woman perceives you to be her best option. After that, she starts looking for the d
Episode 652: Emotions are resources (what players understand)
Emotions are resources – and understanding that idea will change how you see attraction, dating, and long-term relationships. In this episode, I reveal what players understand, namely: emotional engagement is more valuable in cultivating attraction than money, gifts, or status. And this is also why genuine emotional connection is one of the hardest things to find.
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Episode 651: Women are the brakes (men drive progress)
Citation: https://archive.org/details/homosexualitiessbellrich
In this episode, I explore the idea that women are the brakes on both sexual behavior and social change – while risk-taking men drive progress. Drawing on evolutionary psychology, demographic data, and historical examples, I examine how different incentives shape male and female behavior. Ultimately, civilization depends on the balanc
Episode 650: Effort doesn't pay (no one cares about your struggle)
Effort doesn't pay, results do – and the marketplace rewards the value you create rather than the effort you expend. In this episode, I explain why no one cares about your struggle unless it produces outcomes that genuinely benefit other people. Using the example of Lionel Messi, I demonstrate why mastery is measured by leverage, efficiency, and impact – not exertion.
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Episode 649: Love is hard (why it is rare)
Love is hard because it demands sacrifice – not merely emotion, attraction, or a mutual exchange of value. And this is why it is rare: most people only love to the point where sacrifice becomes personally costly. Drawing on philosophy, psychology, and the life of Jesus, I challenge conventional ideas about love, boundaries, and selflessness.
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Episode 648: You like toxic (the real reason you go back)
You like toxic more than you realize, and recognizing that uncomfortable truth is the first step toward lasting change. In this episode, I explore the real reason you go back, arguing that chaos, drama, and pain are often preferable to boredom or emotional emptiness. Learn how greater emotional awareness can break the cycle and replace destructive habits with enduring virtues.
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Episode 647: How to be physically attractive (the five principles)
Looksmaxxing – the modern male movement to become more physically attractive – is not essentially bad, though it is mired in problematic personalities and bad faith marketing. In this episode, I discuss how to be physically attractive as a man without wasting money on gimmicks and snake oil. I discuss the five principles that account for the vast majority of a man's physical attractiveness and pra
Episode 646: Love the label (put yourself in a box)
Love the label by embracing a clear identity instead of trying to appeal to everyone in the marketplace. In this episode, I explain why it behooves you to put yourself in a box and become known for one thing before expanding into other opportunities. Whether in business or dating, specialization attracts the right audience – while filtering out those who were never going to choose you anyway.
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Episode 645: Looksmaxxing (why it's going viral)
Looksmaxxing is the current viral trend in which men seek to improve their physical attractiveness using physical, cosmetic, and surgical procedures and techniques. In this episode, I explain why it's going viral, arguing that dating apps, social media, and changing relationship dynamics have transformed male incentives in the sexual marketplace. I'll discuss why male physical attractiveness now p
Episode 644: Love mobs (they don't work for women)
In this episode, I explore an emergent phenomenon in the sexual marketplace I call “love mobs,” concentrations of female attraction on a small number of highly visible men. While these behaviors may make the admirers feel safe in their selection, they don't work for women seeking long-term relationships. Instead, women win when they utilize their independent judgment and recognize value before any
Episode 643: Haters are good (how being disliked helps you)
As someone with firsthand experience, I can assure you that haters are good. In this episode, I discuss how being disliked helps you by testing the power of your arguments, strengthening your convictions, and revealing which of your relationships are based on genuine affection rather than conditional approval. Since disapproval is inevitable, it's important to learn how to use it in the pursuit of
Episode 642: Forget it (have a short memory)
Healing requires understanding and forgiveness – but it may also require forgetfulness. In this episode, I explain why successful people have a short memory and quickly re-engage after setbacks. Holding on to pain can become a form of self-protection that ultimately blocks growth, freedom, and happiness. Sometimes we just need to forget it.
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Episode 641: Paying to play (the two exceptions)
Most relationships involve some form of exchange, but many people overlook the transactional nature of paying to play in modern dating. Both traditional marriage and sugaring relationships exist on the same continuum in which resources are traded for sexual opportunity. In this episode, I discuss the two exceptions to this dynamic, where the relationship is primarily founded on something other tha
Episode 640: Your past (moving forward from pain)
Your past can shape you, but it doesn't have to define you – especially when moving forward from pain is the path to self-realization. In this episode, I challenge the idea that suffering justifies withdrawal from life and argue that your past can be fuel for courage – as opposed to a prison of stagnation. Using both philosophy and psychology, I examine why identifying as a victim undermines resil
Episode 639: Obedience (a model for women)
Everyone is obedient to something, and this obedience (properly applied) provides the necessary structure for self-improvement and functional relationships. In this episode, I present a model for women in which I argue that exercising good judgment with respect to what they choose to obey can strengthen their characters and improve their relationships. The alternative is obedience to self, which i
Episode 638: Love bombing (the two budgets)
Love bombing is a courtship strategy that overwhelms partners with attention and affection before effort inevitably declines. In today's episode, I explain the economic logic behind romance, revealing how dating operates through the two budgets of recruitment and maintenance. Understanding these dynamics can protect you from manipulation and lead to more realistic relationship expectations.
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Episode 637: Never restore a woman (don't take her back)
Many men are monomaniacally focused on getting an ex back. However, you should never restore a woman to her previous level of commitment after she has chosen to leave. Just like you can't step into the same river twice, you can't have the same relationship twice – even with the same person. Moving forward with clarity and self-respect often requires that you don't take her back into the role she o
Episode 636: Your best life (an ideal Tuesday)
Designing your best life is less about chasing peak experiences and more about building a sustainable daily structure. By focusing on an ideal Tuesday, you can create a repeatable process that balances work, health, relationships, growth, and meaningful leisure. Craft a life you can live again and again – because lasting happiness is built out of ordinary days.
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Episode 635: Women are endurance hunters (stop running from her)
Some women are endurance hunters. They apply steady pressure over time until resistance collapses. In this episode, I discuss how incremental demands can shape power dynamics over time. The solution is simple, but counterintuitive: stop running from her and hold your ground. Draw a boundary and preserve your frame in the face of relationship pressure.
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Episode 634: The death of speech (why we need men)
Recent research has revealed significant gender differences with respect to tolerance for opposing viewpoints. In today's episode, I argue that male social norms around respect and restraint may play a crucial role in preserving open dialogue and intellectual diversity. As relational aggression increases, the risk of widespread self-censorship – the death of speech – becomes more pronounced. Disco
Episode 633: Love cheats (the unfaithful spouse)
Why do so many romances involve betrayal? In this episode, I explain why love cheats as a narrative device to measure the depth and intensity of the romantic connection. This trope dates back to the very first romance, The song of Tristan and Iseult, in which love and duty are set on a tragic collision course. The more a character sacrifices, the more “real” their love appears to the audience. Thi
Episode 632: The gift of your absence (if you can't leave)
When respect breaks down, the gift of your absence can remind others of your value by withdrawing from unproductive dynamics. But what happens if you can't leave – because of work, family, or shared responsibilities? In today's episode, I explain how strategic emotional neutrality can protect your well-being while you prepare for healthier boundaries – or a decisive exit.
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Episode 631: A million dollar dream (it's worth the work)
A loving, stable, long-term relationship with a supportive and attractive woman is a million dollar dream. Both may be rare – but potentially not as rare as many might think. Like building wealth, creating a top-tier relationship requires patience, discipline, and the willingness to iterate on failure. If you want an extraordinary outcome, you must commit to extraordinary effort. The prize is rare
Episode 630: A means to an end (three lessons)
In a rapidly changing world, understanding that everything you have is a means to an end can protect you from the unnecessary suffering arising from inappropriate identification. In this episode, I present three lessons on using loss, uncertainty, and disruption as opportunities for growth. Learn how disciplined detachment and intelligent flexibility give you the best chance of surviving – and thr
Episode 629: Wanting a wife (the secretary problem)
Why are modern marriages breaking down? In this episode, I argue that one of the root causes is that both men and women are wanting a wife. The secretary problem reveals an enduring male preference: men will enter into relationships with women who help them. However, mismatched expectations around roles, reciprocity, and value exchange are frustrating the formation of relationships today.
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Episode 628: Smart people are happy (understanding intelligence)
Contrary to popular belief, smart people are happy because they successfully apply their intelligence to the problem of their own happiness and fulfillment. Understanding intelligence as the ability to solve problems allows us to remove this construct from the academic realm. I discuss why the need to be “right” can distract us from building a life worth living, and how to direct our thinking towa
Episode 627: Just be yourself (the best and worst advice)
Is “just be yourself” good advice? In today's episode, I explain why authenticity only works after disciplined self-development has generated competence, confidence, and results. The truth is that becoming who you want to be generally requires first trying to be someone you're not. This is why “just be yourself” is both the best and worst advice: its relevance depends on which stage of becoming yo
Episode 626: Wounds (your greatest gift)
Our deepest wounds can become enduring sources of wisdom and value when we refuse to let pain define us. In this episode, I explain how suffering – when mastered through discipline and intention – can be transformed into something meaningful and productive. Once your scar becomes a star, you may discover that you can bless your pain for the benefit it has given others.
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Episode 625: Detach (how men show up)
Attachment theory dominates modern dating advice, but this might be leading men in the wrong direction. In this episode, I explain why emotional attachment matters more for women, and how its misapplication distorts expectations in relationships. Instead, I argue that men should detach – not out of indifference, but in order to lead with clarity and confidence. This is how men show up at their bes
Episode 624: The samurai (a model for men)
The samurai stands as a model for men, embodying disciplined strength without sacrificing emotional depth. Rather than suppressing sensitivity, the samurai integrates masculine resolve with feminine awareness to achieve mastery in both action and perception. Through a balance of toughness and refinement, he demonstrates how strength can elevate feeling rather than destroy it.
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Episode 623: How women win (happy hunting)
In this episode, I explain how women win in the sexual marketplace by shifting from passive dating to strategic selection. From a woman's perspective, preparation – not promiscuity – is the key to long-term success. I encourage women to engage in hunting, which requires a fair amount of research and purposefulness to be successful. This allows them to utilize their sexuality intentionally. Happy h
Episode 622: The bird test (responding to women)
The bird test is a viral relationship trend that claims to measure emotional attunement through smalls bids for attention, fostering unrealistic expectations about availability and validation. Relationships require respect for the other's time and energy – not performative displays of responding to women. The truth is that a lack of situational awareness is actually a sign of low emotional intelli
Episode 621: Bonding (what nature can teach us)
The science of bonding reveals how oxytocin shapes different attachment patterns in men and women. By examining these attachment asymmetries, we can gain insight into the hidden forces that guide commitment, attraction, and relationship stability. Discover what nature can teach us about love, family, and the foundations of lasting connection.
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Episode 620: The end of thought (you can't talk to some people)
In today's episode, I explain how therapeutic language can be weaponized to silence disagreement and stigmatize opposing views. When emotions fuse with beliefs, ordinary conflicts can rapidly escalate into moral condemnation and actionable accusations. Rational dialogue collapses because you can't talk to some people who interpret disagreement as a personal attack. Cognitive fusion is the end of t
Episode 619: Timing (why people get married)
How much of dating really comes down to timing? In this episode, I argue that being in the right place at the right time matters a lot more than finding the right person. Using the metaphor of musical chairs, I reveal why people get married – and it's more often to do with readiness, not romance. If you're serious about settling down, this will change how you think about strategy, opportunity, and
Episode 618: Men have a culture (it needs to be preserved)
Men have a culture – a shared system of values like honor, discipline, and duty – that could disappear in just a few generations if it is not consciously transmitted. Drawing on the lived experience of losing my ancestral identity, I argue that masculinity functions as a living tradition rather than merely a biological fact. Modern social forces are accelerating the erosion of masculine norms, pot
Episode 617: I don't need a man (how women use men)
What do women really mean when they say, “I don't need a man”? The answer reveals how women use men – a reality that is (quite literally) hidden in plain sight. The truth is that both men and women objectify each other – albeit in different ways. However, it is generally in everyone's best interest to accept reality and operate in the sexual marketplace with their eyes open, as this isn't going to
Episode 616: She'll wait (why she won't forget about you)
Worried she'll lose interest if you're not available to her? In today's episode, I explain why she'll wait when attraction and emotional investment are high. The truth is that your absence might do more to inflame her emotions than your presence ever could. Appreciating the underlying emotional dynamics will help you understand why she won't forget about you – and why insecurity can sabotage your
Episode 615: Disagreeable women (the duty to follow)
What happens when strong personalities clash with relationship roles? In this episode, I discuss disagreeable women and why that trait can be an asset in leaders – but a liability in followers. It's for each person to look inside him- or herself and determine whether he or she has the potential for leadership. Those who can't (or won't) lead have the duty to follow.
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Episode 614: Use the city (get in, get out)
Thinking of moving to the big city? In this episode, I explain why it is essential that you use the city strategically – otherwise, it will end up using you. In today's world, cities are best treated as temporary launchpads for opportunity – places to build income or meet a partner. However, once you've secured those advantages, the smart move is to look for the door. Get in, get out. When it come
Episode 613: Give him the money (women don't share)
A striking new study corroborates my economic model of relationships. Apparently, when men earn more money, they are more likely to start a family – whereas women are significantly less likely to do so when given the same advantage. The data suggest that women don't share in the same way men do. If we want to fix declining birth rates and prevent population collapse, it will become increasingly im
Episode 612: Make your own mistakes (you have a right to your pain)
In a world full of advice, you still need to make your own mistakes. Real wisdom doesn't come from influencers or books – it comes from the lessons of lived experience. Through the lens of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, I demonstrate why the journey is necessary to discover what was always within reach. When life's lessons hurt, remember: you have a right to your pain – it's the price of genuine un
Episode 611: The diamond mine (men are the prize)
Who is the prize in modern relationships: the man or the woman? In this episode, I break down the viral debate and offer a comparison between top-tier men and women. While a top-tier woman is a diamond – dazzling and expensive – a top-tier man is a diamond mine – productive and valuable. Men are the prize because assets that generate value always outperform liabilities that consume it.
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Episode 610: Turning it around (how to start winning in life)
Feel like nothing is going your way? In this episode, I break down the psychology of turning it around when you're stuck in a rut. The key is to understand the role of inertia and momentum in human behavior and why small, strategic wins are essential to changing direction. Learn how to start winning in life by (temporarily) lowering your threshold of achievement and building “win chains” that crea
Episode 609: Performative masculinity (it's not what you think)
We hear a lot about performative masculinity these days – but it's not what you think. In this episode, I argue that this term has been widely misused and clarify that women have been performing masculinity on a mass scale. Behaviors like protectiveness, dutifulness, and aggressiveness become hollow signals when they produce no real-world effects. Do not mistake the theatre for reality.
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Episode 608: You do not need entertainment (how to get more done)
The average American now spends 11 hours a day consuming media – and it's quietly draining our collective vitality. The truth is that you do not need entertainment nearly as much as you think you do. In this episode, I'll discuss how to get more done by cycling effort rather than defaulting to screens when you feel tired. If you're serious about building a meaningful life, this episode is for you.
Episode 607: Protecting against gold diggers (show them the money)
Successful men often ask me how to effectively integrate protecting against gold diggers into their dating strategy. The answer is simpler than you think. The key principle? Show them the money, but never allow them to separate your resources from your presence. Gold diggers will attempt to do so and will resort to emotional manipulation strategies when they encounter resistance – non-exploitative
Episode 606: The time to live (your second birthday)
Most men live as if they have unlimited tomorrows – but the time to live is now. In this episode, I confront the illusion of future fulfillment and the trap of endless striving. All great and lasting works are produced after a man's second birthday: the moment he wakes up to his own mortality. Procrastination is a form of arrogance, as it presumes time enough to act. If you've been postponing your
Episode 605: Let men solve problems (he's not your girlfriend)
Why do women get frustrated when men try to offer them solutions? In this episode, I argue that relationships suffer when we ignore men's natural strengths and insist they conform to women's communication preferences. Therapeutic culture maintains that listening is the answer. However, that's rarely true. It's important for women to remember he's not your girlfriend. When women let men solve probl
Episode 604: Optimization fatigue (why you feel worse as you get better)
Are you exhausted from trying to optimize every area of your life? In this episode, I discuss optimization fatigue and how constant self-improvement messaging quietly drains your energy. This is why you feel worse as you get better, even when you're making real progress. It turns out that optimization isn't actually optimal for either growth or outcome. If this is you, it may be time to step off t
Episode 603: Bad boys (why women want them)
Why are women consistently drawn to bad boys – even when they expressly say they want the opposite? Although bad boys are essentially intimidating and antisocial, their disregard stimulates women's emotions and their aggressiveness serves as a female safety cue. This is the reason why women want them: the danger they represent signals protection and an invitation to social freedom.
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Episode 602: How to get over an ex (the two best strategies)
Heartbreak can steal months – or years – of your life, if you let it. In this episode, I break down how to get over an ex using psychological truths – not wishful thinking. The two best strategies for doing so are exposure and extinction, and they both arrive at the same destination, namely: neutrality in the face of the lost object. If you're ready to reclaim your dignity and move on for good, th
Episode 601: A useful eight (my ideal woman)
Many people have asked me about my ideal woman. My answer is simple: my ideal woman is a useful eight. She is attractive enough to captivate my sexual interest, but not so attractive as to make herself impractically high-maintenance. Furthermore, she adds value to my life – rather than depletes it. I offer this practical framework so that other men might benefit in their own vetting processes.
Joi
Episode 600: Cheap sex (it's not all bad)
There are many people who lament the current state of the sexual marketplace. Characterized by (relatively) cheap sex and inappropriate expectations, dating in today's day and age is like living in the lawless wild west. However, it's not all bad. One of the many silver linings here is that the devaluation of female sexual access has created the practical necessity for women to improve their value
Episode 599: She who cries wolf (is she seeing clearly?
Women initiate the lion's share of divorces. Are they detecting real threats to their relationships or are they crying wolf? Heightened threat sensitivity in conjunction with neuroticism can turn fake problems into real problems by eroding trust, credibility, and long-term stability. The fact is that false positives can be just as destructive as false negatives. The question for she who cries wolf
Episode 598: Relaxing into her feminine (the soft life)
It is not uncommon to hear a woman today speak of “relaxing into her feminine.” When a strong provider arrives to pay the bills and solve the problems, she is finally free to luxuriate in her feelings and fully experience her womanhood. And while there is nothing inherently wrong about the soft life, such a perspective begs the question: why is it so difficult for femininity to appear outside of i
Episode 597: Sex isn't special (feelings don't count)
Though it might feel precious to certain individuals, sex isn't special in the modern sexual marketplace. In reality, emotional attachment accounts for most of the inflation of its perceived value. However, feelings don't count. Like selling a family heirloom in a pawn shop, these emotions add nothing in the objective value exchange. And the more spiritualized sex becomes, the less it can (and sho
Episode 596: An ordinary life (it's not for everyone)
Settling down can offer peace and stability for some. However, such an arrangement can be suffocating and stultifying for others. An ordinary life is best suited for ordinary people. Those with extraordinary talents, passions, or ambitions will likely find it difficult to thrive under such conditions. Marriage: it's not for everyone – and that's okay.
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Episode 595: Height (tall men have it easy)
Height matters to women – far more than it probably should – and this increasingly exaggerated preference is distorting the entire sexual marketplace. However, men under six feet aren't out of the game yet. Several factors within their domain of control – like their fitness, their finances, and their mindset – can offset a genetic disadvantage they can do little to change. Tall men have it easy –
Episode 594: The democratic lie (we are not created equal)
The democratic lie is the cherished belief that all men are created equal. And the corollary to this belief is that any inequality that does exist must originate from social causes. However, we are not created equal. Even a cursory examination of your senses confirms this fact. Biological differences in intelligence, attractiveness, and ability create real advantages and disadvantages in social ac
Episode 593: His money is my money (modern slavery)
Some women in relationships believe that “my money is my money, and his money is my money.” This is a dangerous double standard that goes well beyond financial entitlement. Since money is the abstraction of time spent in labor, and labor is always spent in the application of the body, financial entitlement is effectively laying claim to another's labor – and the body that produced it. This is a fo
Episode 592: Why you were lied to (and why it hurts so much)
The lies that hurt the most are the lies you wanted to believe. Most of us want desperately to realize our ego ideals: the version of ourselves we would most like to feel that we are. However, this is precisely where we are most vulnerable. You can reclaim your emotional equilibrium by facing the truth about yourself. This is why you believed the lie and why it hurts so much.
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Episode 591: You are a killer (dominate your mind)
If you want your mind to be a peaceful garden, then you must cultivate the willingness to destroy whatever threatens it. Freedom and self-mastery are won through disciplined aggression against destructive thoughts and internal programming. No one will free you: you must fight for your own liberation. Embrace the fact that you are a killer, and dominate your mind.
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Episode 590: Why the world is falling apart (turning down the genie)
Many people today lament the end of the world. And while we are entering into a period of rapid change, the real cause isn't political or ideological. We're in this situation because no one is turning down the genie: our magical technologies that effortlessly fulfill desire. It's not in our nature to turn down easy gratification – and expecting others to do so is unrealistic. This is why the world
Episode 589: The female idol (the corruption of dating)
Modern dating has turned women into idols – and men into worshipers making endless sacrifices. Pedestalization, gift giving, and “high effort” dating all mirror the ancient practice of religious rituals in which value is sacrificed in the hopes of securing a divine blessing. The advent of the female idol has led to the corruption of dating – and we are all worse off for it.
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Episode 588: Love and justice (order and chaos)
We collectively have a strange attitude toward love and justice. We desire – even expect – others to approach divinity in their capacity to love, but we reject the fundamental basis of their capacity to judge. This has led to the systematic destabilization of society, which seeks to prioritize love – and its exemptions for the individual – over justice – with its universal mandate. All societies m
Episode 587: The reality of modern family (what's the point?)
The modern nuclear family is a private-sector surrogacy. The necessity of dual incomes has not only radically altered the sexual marketplace, but it has subverted domestic life into an unsustainable absurdity, as well. Given the addition effort and expense associated with maintaining this arrangement, we are justified in asking: “what's the point?” The reality of modern family is now very differen
Episode 586: What do you want to have for dinner? (no straight answers)
The question “what do you want to have for dinner?” isn't about dinner at all – it's a covert test of value, attention, and emotional investment. In this episode, I discuss how men and women use the same conversations to gather very different kinds of information. This is why so often there are no straight answers from women: some of the information they seek cannot be collected through direct que
Episode 585: Women are dirty (understanding their dark desires)
Contrary to popular belief, women are not made of sugar and spice. Their sexual fantasies are far more devious and socially unacceptable than most people realize. By examining women's prototypical romantic fantasy, we can approach an understanding of their dark desires – an analysis corroborated by many examples hidden in plain sight. Women are dirty: make of it what you will.
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Episode 584: Become a monster (owning your darkness)
You are the monster you a running from in your nightmares. How could it be otherwise? Shadow work is the process of owning your darkness and integrating it into your conscious personality. The impulses and desires we disavow tend to become the evils we project into the world. You can either become a monster – or be hunted by the monsters of your own making.
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Episode 583: Staying at home (no one wants to do it)
For the last few decades, both men and women have been trying to talk the opposite sex into staying at home with the kids. However, if this were as wonderful as both sides make it out to be, then each would be clamoring to do so themselves. The fact is that no one wants to do it, because staying at home is associated with certain challenges that many adults are ill-prepared to meet. It's time we m
Episode 582: Women walking away (are men to blame?)
The results are in: women are more dissatisfied in their relationships than men are. However, before we interpret this as yet another signal that men need to “do better,” we need to ask ourselves: are women more satisfied out of their relationships? In reality, there is a host of evidence to suggest that women exhibit lower satisfaction than men in a variety of contexts – suggesting that their rel
Episode 581: Sex and attention (the most reinforcing good)
The most reinforcing good you can give to a man is sex, and the most reinforcing good you can give to a woman is attention. This asymmetry is responsible for the power imbalances in many exclusive relationships, in which women typically eliminate their competition, but retain their optionality. Fairness and equality aren't the same thing – and what's good for the goose isn't always what's good for
Episode 580: Modern women (you can't have it both ways)
In the wake of the death of the lady, we see the rise of modern women. Today's women are attempting to secure the benefits associated with both of their roles in the historical sexual marketplace without any of the liabilities – and this is creating a host of intersexual misunderstandings. The truth is that you can't have it both ways – irrespective of whether you're a man or a woman. However, for
Episode 579: Death of the lady (where are all the real men?)
Modern women ask “where are all the real men?” However, to answer this question, we need to look through the lens of the traditional sexual marketplace and the historical divide between “ladies” and “prostitutes.” Learn how these roles shaped male behavior, female strategy, and the rise (and fall) of chivalry. The death of the lady has ushered in the contemporary sexual marketplace. First in a two
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