STITCHES
STITCHES is a fiction podcast that produces satirical dark comedies, including series like 'Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason', 'Christmas Diner', and 'The One Stars'. Each season is a stand-alone limited series featuring original dark comedy stories with a satirical edge.
Episodes
Feed Drop: Joy to the World
Hey folks! Today on the feed we’re continuing our Half-Christmas celebration by featuring an orbiting holiday audio drama called: Joy to the World. The folks at Joy to the World were kind enough to help us out during our launch for Christmas Diner and not it’s our turn to repay the favor.
Joy to the World follows Joy, an astronaut alone on the ISS, as they take calls from around the world o
The One Stars, Episode 8: The Two Santa Claus Theory
The Second Half of our experimental Dragon and Punk Rock themed Holiday Special!
[This episode was originally released on 12/18/2020.]
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
CAST and CREW:
Autumn Hardwood (aka Emma Elizabeth) as Negative Nancy.
Blythe Renay as Chatbot.
Garan Fitzgerald as Mike.
Dallis Mackenzie as Intern Lilly.
Sarah Golding as Nancy's Mom.
Josh Rubi
The One Stars, Episode 7: I Won't Be Home for Christmas
The One Stars Holiday Special! Negative Nancy gets a call from home.
[This episode was originally release on December 18, 2020]
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
CAST and CREW:
Autumn Hardwood (aka Emma Elizabeth) as Negative Nancy.
Blythe Renay as Chatbot.
Garan Fitzgerald as Mike.
Dallis Mackenzie as Intern Lilly.
Sarah Golding as Nancy’s Mom.
Josh Rubino as Sant
Feed Drop: We Fix Space Junk
Hey Folks, today on the feed we’re thrilled to get the chance to share with you all, one of our favorite Audio Dramas of all time. Its called WE FIX SPACE JUNK and its from our friends at Battle Bird Productions.
'We Fix Space Junk' follows seasoned smuggler Kilner and reluctant socialite fugitive Samantha as they travel the galaxy, dodging bullets and meeting strange and wonderful beings as the
The One Stars, Episode 6: The Hole Thing
The One Stars, Episode 6: The Hole Thing
What's at the bottom of the deepest depression on earth? It's the One Stars Season One Finale! The One Stars News Network covers an ever-expanding sinkhole.
[This episode was originally released on September 18, 2020]
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
CAST:
Autumn Hardwood (aka Emma Elizabeth) as Negative Nancy.
Blythe Renay a
The One Stars, Episode 5: No Magic or Cats Allowed
The One Stars, Episode Five: No Magic or Cats Allowed
[This episode was originally released on August 28, 2020]
NO MAGIC OR CATS ALLOWED
Something about cats or something about magic. But definitely not both.
This episode includes reviews of:
Beach Trip.
Clothes Iron.
Cat Bed.
Apartment Complex.
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
CAST:
Autumn Hardwood (aka Em
The One Stars, Episode 4: I've Got Places to Be
Negative Nancy is stuck in traffic.
Reviews of: a Time Machine, The World's Largest Penny, an Abandoned Mall, a Grocery Store, a Rocket and a Mood Ring.
[This Episode was originally released August 14, 2020]
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
CAST:
Autumn Hardwood (as Emma Elizabeth) as Negative Nancy.
Dallis MacKenzie as Intern Lilly.
Garan Fitzgerald as the Announc
Feed Drop: Finding Pattersby
Hey folks, Welcome Back to Stitches. Today on the feed we’re sharing one of our favorite weird-fiction comedy podcasts. It’s called FINDING PATTERSBY.
Finding Pattersby is a Fake True Crime comedy and Supernatural Mystery about an ex-ghostwriter of thriller novels investigating the disappearance of best-selling author Luke Pattersby who vanished under strange and mysterious circumstances. Also t
The One Stars, Episode 3: Please Hold
The One Stars, Episode Three: Please Hold
(This episode was originally released on July 31, 2020)
Negative Nancy is on hold.
This episode includes reviews of:
Ethan's Erasers.
Can of Mace.
Can of Beans.
A Special Collection.
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
CAST:
Autumn Hardwood (as Emma Elizabeth) as Negative Nancy.
Blythe Renay as Chatbot.
Garan Fitzge
The One Stars, Episode 2: Haunted by Your Post
The One Stars, Episode Two: Haunted by Your Post
[This episode was originally released on: July 16, 2020]
NO A.I. WAS USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS PODCAST
Negative Nancy combs through her old social media posts to eliminate any old and potentially problematic Hot Takes.
This episode includes reviews of:
A Kettlebell.
Space Jam on DVD.
A Haunted VCR.
A Spellbook.
CAST:
Autu
The One Stars, Episode 1: Over the Moon
The One Stars, Episode One: Over the Moon [Originally released on: July 2, 2020]
Negative Nancy is over the Moon.
This episode includes reviews of:
An Uber Driver.
A Moon Vacation.
A Ukulele.
The Moon Landing Museum.
CAST:
Autumn Hardwood (aka Emma Elizabeth) as Negative Nancy.
Blythe Renay as Chatbot.
Garan Fitzgerald as the Announcer.
Vin Ernst performs Review of an Uber D
Feed Drop: The Kingmaker Histories
Set in a fictional European republic in the years leading up to World War One, The Kingmaker Histories follows an assistant tailor named Colette who becomes the unwitting host for a deadly alien power source- the Kingmaker Diamond. Hunted by a host of enemies who wish to use her powers for their own gain, Colette's only hope is to join up with a pair of career criminals and embark on a bizarre roa
Christmas Diner, Episode 6: Here Comes Santa Claus
Christmas Diner, Episode 6: Here Comes Santa Claus
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
STARRING:
Zane Schacht as Buster.
Peter Lewis as the Narrator.
Blythe Renay as Erica.
Josh Rubino as Douglass.
Ryan Philbrook as Chris.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Lauren.
Sarah Golding as Greta.
Damon Alums as Reggie.
Addison Peacock as Kathy.
Jeremy Ellett as Alex.
D
Christmas Diner, Episode 5: Ghost of Christmas Past
Christmas Diner, Episode 5: Ghost of Christmas Past
Buster finally gets what he wants for Christmas.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
STARRING:
Zane Schacht as Buster.
Peter Lewis as the Narrator.
Blythe Renay as Erica.
Josh Rubino as Douglass.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Lauren.
Sarah Golding as Greta.
Ryan Philbrook as Chris.
Damon Alums as Reggie.
Christmas Diner, Episode 4: Is Gremlins a Christmas Movie?
Christmas Diner, Episode 4: Is Gremlins a Christmas Movie?
Buster explains what Christmas is really all about.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
STARRING:
Zane Schacht as Buster.
Peter Lewis as the Narrator.
Blythe Renay as Erica.
Josh Rubino as Douglass and Harold.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Lauren.
Sarah Golding as Greta.
Damon Alums as Reggie.
Addis
Christmas Diner, Episode 3: I Need a Grandma
Christmas Diner, Episode 3: I Need a Grandma
"What do y’all want for Christmas?"
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
STARRING:
Zane Schacht as Buster.
Peter Lewis as the Narrator.
Ryan Philbrook as Chris.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Lauren.
Damon Alums as Reggie.
Addison Peacock as Kathy.
Jeremy Ellett as Alex.
Sarah Golding as Greta.
Danyelle Ellett as
Christmas Diner, Episode 2: My Only Wish
Christmas Diner, Episode 2: My Only Wish
Buster gets the family together for the holiday.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
STARRING:
Zane Schacht as Buster.
Erin Lillis as Buster’s Mother.
Peter Lewis as the Narrator.
Ryan Philbrook as Chris.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Lauren.
Mason Amadeus as Terry.
Damon Alums as Reggie.
Addison Peacock as Kathy.
Christmas Diner, Episode 1: All I Want
Christmas Diner, Episode 1: All I Want
"Welcome to The Golden Griddle Diner. Open 24 hours. 365 days a year. Alex and Holly wait for the call that will change their lives forever. Reggie and Kathy get to work. And Buster places his order."
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
STARRING:
Zane Schacht as Buster.
Erin Lillis as Buster’s Mother.
Peter Lewis as th
Important Update about 2FEKAF!
Hey folks! Important update about the future of this Feed!
We’re still making shows! And this feed will now become the home for all of my weird comedy projects. Each season is a stand-alone limited series.
I still have plans for expanding the story of 2FEKAF, but since the holiday season is in full swing, I thought you all might enjoy a Christmas story I wrote called, “Christmas Diner”
Chr
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 18: Forgive the Freemasons (Crossover Episode with Forgive Me)
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 18: Forgive the Freemasons (Crossover Episode with Forgive Me)
Secret Freemason Father Klem hears the confession of The Ghost of Sir Isaac Newton. Its a Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason x Forgive Me Crossover Episode!
This episode was produced in collaboration with Rogue Dialogue Productions (roguedialogue.com) and Good Pointe Podcasts. If yo
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 17: So It Goes Down (Season Finale)
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 17: So It Goes Down (Season Finale)
Sir Isaac Newton tells all! Randy Dunning gives his all! It’s all coming to a head! The Season One finale of Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 16: In Beautiful Orlando, Florida
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 16: In Beautiful Orlando, Florida
A Flat Earther’s origin story. Why Randy Dunning is so Randy Dunning.
CAST
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Matthew Ruzbasan as Young Randy.
Addison Peacock as Karen.
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Josh Rubino as Sir Isaac Newton.
David Ault as Mac.
Erin
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 15: Multilevel Malevolence
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 15: Multilevel Malevolence
Randy visits the bookstore. Mac gets answers. And Millie talks to the dumpster.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Matthew Woodcock as Walter.
David Ault as Mac.
Stephen Cullen as Simon.
Maya Murphy as Millie.
Graham Rowat as Newsham.
Rob Schwarb as Mik
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 14: Kafkaesque
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 14: Kafkaesque
Randy and Walt finally agree to be honest with each other. Something weird is going on with Gayle.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Matthew Woodcock as Walter.
Addison Peacock as Karen.
Rob Schwarb as Mike.
Josh Rubino as Sir Isaac Newton.
Ariel Hack as Emalema Bo
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 13: A Just and Upright Mason
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 13: A Just and Upright Mason
Mac and Arlo continue their search for The Owl of Euclid. Mac talks to an old friend. Arlo meets the Void.
CAST:
Jack Carmichael as Narrator.
David Ault as Mac.
Dean J. Smith as Arlo.
Graham Rowat as Gary.
Tom Laflin as Scott.
Ryan Philbrook as Scottie.
Newt Schottelkotte as Scooter.
Sena Bryer as Larry.
Meg
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 12: SCP-2FEKAF: BOBO (Crossover Episode with SCP Archives)
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 12: SCP-2FEKAF: BOBO (Crossover Episode with SCP Archives)
SCP-2FEKAF: Bobo is a special CROSSOVER EPISODE between SCP Archives and Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason.
Randy and Gayle visit Angshin Pass and come face to face with a monster from Randy’s past. (It’s Bobo.)
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy, Trail-Cam Watcher, and Radio Ad One.
La
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 11: The Top Five Serial Killers in St. Louis
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 11: The Top Five Serial Killers in St. Louis
Randy and Gayle attend a meeting of the Maple Hill Murder Club.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Aiden Littlewood Johnson as Bobby and Coco.
Addison Peacock as Karen.
G
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 10: My First Time Using a Chainsaw
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 10: My First Time Using a Chainsaw
Randy and Gayle meet a new friend at the Hardware Store.
Sir Isaac Newton recites his "Catalog of Sins."
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Josh Rubino as Isaac Newton.
Addison Peacock as Karen.
Kenneth Faircloth Jr as
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 9: Enter the Echo Chamber
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 9: Enter the Echo Chamber
Everyone wants to know the answer. But nobody wants to hear the truth… It's the 12th Annual Conspiracy-Con in Kansas City!
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Graham Rowat as Newsham.
Addison Peacock as Karen.
Rob Schwarb as Mike.
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 8: Almost Famous
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 8: Almost Famous
Randy checks in at Conspiracy Con while Gayle is forced into babysitting duty.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Addison Peacock as Karen.
Rob Schwarb as Mike.
Graham Rowat as Newsham.
Maya Murphy as Millie.
Faith Dowgin as Gloria.
Dav
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 7: Who Will Stand Guard?
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 7: Who Will Stand Guard?
The Freemasons panic. Mac takes Arlo under his wing.
CAST:
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
David Ault as Mac.
Dean J. Smith as Arlo.
Sena Bryer as Larry.
Dallas Wheatley as Illuminathan.
Ryan Philbrook as Doctor One.
Cole Burkhardt as Doctor Two.
Kristian Lawrence as Freemason Neil.
Brandon Finch as Freemason Te
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 6: The Observer's Local Horizon
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 6: The Observer's Local Horizon
Ed Choom does everything for everyone. Charlotte does her job.
CAST:
Charlie Wes as Ed.
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Kale Brown as Jimmie.
Michelle Kelly as Charlotte.
Jordan Stillman as Judy.
Phil Sherwood as Jay.
Mike Paul as the Worshipful Mast
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 5: All My Homies Hate Sir Isaac Newton
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 5: All My Homies Hate Sir Isaac Newton
Randy and Gayle finally have their Freemason. Now what do they do?
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Josh Rubino as Sir Isaac Newton.
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Graham Rowat as Newsham.
Scottye Moore as Sgt. Dirkwater.
Abby Espiritu as Derby.
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 4: Thanksgiving Music
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 4: Thanksgiving Music
The end of the St. Louis Flat Earth Society. And the beginning of something else.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
CW: Funeral, Death, Abduction.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Charlie Wes as Ed
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 3: And Everyone Clapped
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 3: And Everyone Clapped
Just another day in the life of Freemason Walter Clay.
CAST:
Matthew Woodcock as Walt.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Mike Paul as the Worshipful Master Mason.
Gabrielle Adkins as Amari.
Charlie Wes as Ed Choom.
Jordan Stillman as Judy.
Kristian Lawrence as Freemason Neil.
Brandon Finch as Freemason Terry.
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 2: Toasted Ravioli
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 2: Toasted Ravioli
Randy, Ed and Gayle try to create the next great viral video. Doctor K has a secret to share with the group.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle.
Charlie Wes as Ed Choom.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
David Sillars as Doctor K.
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 1: Shadowbanned
Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason, Episode 1: Shadowbanned
Randy Dunning’s quest for internet immortality is interrupted by a shadowban.
Writing, Sound Design, and Musical Arrangement by Jeremy Ellett.
CAST:
Zane Schacht as Randy Dunning.
Lauren Grace Thompson as Gayle Kruger.
Jack Carmichael as the Narrator.
Matthew Woodcock as Walter.
David Ault as Mac.
Addison Peacock as Karen
Introducing: Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason
A satirical dark comedy about Secret Societies and Internet Conspiracy Culture.
Conspiracy loving Flat Earthers, Randy Dunning (Zane Schacht) and Gayle Kruger (Lauren Grace Thompson), will do anything to make the next great viral video. They’ll even kidnap a Freemason and keep him locked in their basement until he tells them what the Freemasons are really doing behind those closed doors.
Written a
