Good Children
Good Children is a weekly podcast hosted by childhood best friends Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella. They revisit their youth spent chasing gold stars while now trying to stop sucking in their stomachs. Each episode unpacks their shared history of anxiety, performance, and the side effects of being a little too well-behaved. The show blends personal storytelling and comedy.
Episodes
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The time has come for Good Children to take a break. Thank you all so much for following along for the past four years of our lives. We are so lucky to have you. We'll talk soon.
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Male Musicians For A Change
This week we’re finally giving male musicians their flowers!
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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The Good Children Upstairs Neighbors Lip Sync LaLaPaRuza Smackdown
This week, we're joined by the lights of our lives: Maya and Dom from Upstairs Neighbors!
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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What The Future Holds
This week, we're looking into the future for a greater understanding of Andrew's future husband: Carmine.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Holiday In The Sun
Finally, we take a vacation! Join us on a trip to Baha Mar resort, in Nassau Bahamas, where we feed flamingos, lounge in a lazy river, and learn the ultimate truth Addison Rae has been trying to tell us all along: life's no fun through clear waters.
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What To Expect From Your Saturn Return
This week, we're discussing our Saturn Return, the astrological event meant to uplift everything you know about your life and teach you some hard lessons.
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Designing The Perfect All-Inclusive Resort (Spring Break: Episode 4)
All good things must come to an end. In our final episode of Spring Break, we're dreaming about our ideal resort. From the linens to the soaps to, of course, the restaurants. Thank you so much for joining us on this trip!
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The Mortifying Ordeal of Taking Thirst Traps in the Mirror in Your Room (Spring Break: Episode 3)
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Spring break continues, this week with a slightly more existential lens. Today, as we lounge in our plunge pool, we dissect the need for online validation, why we take thirst traps, and donating our bodies to science.
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Something Weird Is Happening At The Breakfast Buffet (Spring Break: Episode 2)
Something very weird happened at the breakfast buffet this morning. It's time for another episode on island time! For the second week of our spring break, we are dissecting a group of travelers at the resort we like to call "Mary and her friends."
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Chair Hoggers At All-Inclusive Resorts (Spring Break: Episode 1)
Grab your sunscreen and your chicest pair of flip flops, because we're taking you on vacation! For the next four weeks, we're coming to you from our very own personal spring break trip in Mexico! In this first installment, we're a couple piña coladas in and ready to discuss the psychotic phenomenon that is chair-hogging at the pool.
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The Songs That Changed Us
This week we're diving deep into some songs that have changed our lives for the better, including Waterfalls by TLC, the Les Mis soundtrack, and Lana.
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EDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson
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We Need To Save Boston Market
You already guessed it: we're talking fast food. Burger King is over. White Castle is for your lowest moments. And we need to get really serious about reviving Boston Market.
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Working On A Banana Farm For 88 Days To Become Australian Citizens
Did you know this was happening? This week we're going bananas. From banana bread to stale commentary on Punch the Monkey to the reality show that will change everything. This episode is all about bananas.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Ken
2020, Eating Disorders, and The Friends We Made Along The Way
This week, we're going back to the beginning: 2020. Let's go on a journey of body image issues, eating disorders, and the most beautiful apartment of all time, all the way to the very beginning of this special podcast.
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Becoming Who You Wanted To Be In Middle School
This week, the boys discuss their dream jobs as children, and how to get back to living those dreams today.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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We Should All Be Playing Video Games
In 2006, it was Halo 2 and a Mountain Dew Code Red. In 2026, it’s Fortnite and an OLIPOP Shirley Temple. Some of us play video games on first dates, some play Video Games by Lana Del Rey, but we all love Dots Pretzels. All this and more on Good Children.
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A Critical Analysis of Frozen (2013)
This week we dive into our notes app and are led down a glorious path including: the entire plot of The Hobbit, a chicken recipe, and a deeply personal analysis of Frozen.
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Exploring Kinks On Valentine's Day
This week, we're tackling kinks (and Valentine's Day) with a brand new perspective. Whether you're a bull or a sub, this episode has a little loving for everyone!
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Stop Asking Gay Kids To Shovel Snow
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This week we're talking the slow and steady process of becoming karens, teachers, and people who can shovel snow.
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Blowing Out Our Sphincters
This week, join us for a Patreon Original episode where we discuss the current states of our stomachs, our relationship to food, and our sphincters.
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James Tom's Rules To Being A Gay Guy
This week, comedian and writer James Tom joins the pod to discuss his childhood in California, Fire Island, and his thoughts on gay culture.
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Dating A Drag Queen ft. Lemon Chiffon
This week, we're joined by Joe's boyfriend for a very special episode! We talk about life growing up in Australia, finding yourself in Brooklyn, and the details of Joe and Ross' dating history.
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We Want A Trader Joe's Theme Park
The boys are back with an episode that will change everything... for Trader Joe's corprate. This week we're discussing This week Andrew takes a tour of the Khia Asylum before the boys head into a deep dive of their past year: from Uber Wrapped to Spotify Wrapped... we're in hell! Plus: a hopeful look ahead into 2026.
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Escaping The Khia Asylum
Happy New Year! This week Andrew takes a tour of the Khia Asylum before the boys head into a deep dive of their past year: from Uber Wrapped to Spotify Wrapped... we're in hell! Plus: a hopeful look ahead into 2026.
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A Day In The Life of Mrs. Claus
Today, Marie Claus sits down with top elf, Elphie, for a candid conversation about the state of the North Pole, Santa's recent medical crisis, the origin of the Frosty at Wendy's and the recent birth of her twins: Khloe and Lamar.
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Hannah Solow on Oh, Mary!, Facing Rejection, and Being A Perfect Child
A meeting of the minds for the ages. This week, we sit down with our new friend, Hannah Solow, to talk about her experience on Oh, Mary!, her childhood in California, Carmines Italian Restaurant, and much more.
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Cat Cohen Made It To Hollywood
This week, we sit down with our friend, movie star, Cat Cohen, to discuss her childhood in Texas, the early days of podcasting, and what it takes to be an entertainer.
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Thanksgiving Has Got To Go
Sit down with Siobhan the Pilgrim and Alan the Turkey for an intense conversation about the worst holiday on the year.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Plasma Was Always Going To Be A Star
This week, we sit down with actor, singer and Drag Race alum, Plasma, to discuss every memory that led up to her debut album: Is Miss Thing On?
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Ranking Cold Cuts
This week we're doing the work by discussing our favorite and least favorite lunch meats. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional).
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchi
Ashnikko Does It For Her Inner Child
This week we're joined by pop sensation Ashnikko to discuss all things bathhouses, childhood trauma, and her latest album "Smoochies."
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren
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How To Spend Your Last Day On Earth
Join us on a journey through time and space as we imagine the best days of our lives. For Joe, that means trading spaces with Steve Martin at Wi Spa and being rescued by Selena Gomez. For Andrew, that starts at a 6:30am Barry's Bootcamp class and ends at the hospital.
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HalloweenTown Reunion Special II: Kalabar's Revenge
This week, HallowenTown's oldest witch, and criminal at large, Agatha Cromwell, sits down with her granddaughter Marnie Piper for another attempt at healing the generational trauma onset by Marnie's life on screen. Will Marnie ever forgive her mother, J.K. Rowling? Will Agatha ever stop bringing about the tragic demise of all of her loved ones? Will either of them ever shut up? All this and more.
Does Your Halloween Party Suck?
This week we're talking about Halloween parties. Specifically how to improve your party with a few simple tips from Iron Chef Andrew Muscarella. Plus: How To Be Less Fuggo.
HOSTS:
Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR:
Kenzie Edmondson
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The Definitive Ranking of Halloween Candy
It's basically Halloween. Join Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompa and Violet Beauregarde on a journey through time and space as they discuss their favorite halloween candies, and the imp that has been haunting their apartment.
HOSTS:
Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR:
Kenzie Edmondson
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I Got Catfished 9 Times
How can one man be catfished nine times? This week we unpack Andrew's relationship to... trust?
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Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR:
Kenzie Edmondson
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Straight Guys, Butt Stuff, and Other Questions You Asked
This week we're answering YOUR questions. Good Children, please report to the guidance office.
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Kenzie Edmondson
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Celibacy, First Times, and Being Late Bloomers
This week, we’re discussing being celibate. For us, that means our entire lives up until about 23 years old. It also means the first year of this podcast.
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The Early Days of Instagram
Groufits, BuzzFeed, Facetune, EDs... This week, we go back in time through our Instagram archives to get to the bottom of who we've been pretending to be all our lives.
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Taylor and Travis: The Engagement Episode
BREAKING NEWS: Taylor Swift is engaged to Travis Kelce. In this emergency episode, we discuss their future wedding, our thoughts on marriage, and more.
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The Rules of Open Relationships
This week, the boys break down the phenomena of open relationships. Who sets the rules? Who gets to play? Do you tell your partner about your hookups? And more. Plus: hear from a concerned listener (Grant Gibbs) as they share their trials and tribulations on the outside of someone else's relationship.
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The Death of Body Positivity
*TW: This week's episode touches on some very real themes surrounding body dysmorphia and weight loss drugs.* Today we're breaking down our ever-changing relationships to our bodies in a GLP-1 dominated society.
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How It Feels to Fall for a Boy for the First Time
Did someone order an episode of Love, Victor? This week, we’re talking our first gay romances. Joe met a boy at the Met and spent the summer in museum corners, on crowded trains, on dates that felt like a movie. Andrew kissed someone under fireworks and fell into weeks of new friends, nights at Stonewall, rose petals, the works. It was tender. It was formative. It was a little embarrassing in ret
Going to Poundtown at the Beach
Good Children: The Podcast is known for its fearless, unflinching commitment to investigative journalism. This week, we take on the most urgent question of our time: why does summer in New York City make us so h*rny, sweaty, and lowkey depressed? From cruising at the beach to falling in love on the L train, we examine the intersection of heat, humidity, and boob sweat.
Guys I’m so serious, use
Sitting, Scooping, and Sucking: Bathroom Politics
Good Children: The Podcast continues its brave, Pulitzer-adjacent coverage of the issues that matter. This week, we investigate the modern bathroom: a space for releasing, for sucking, for crying, and wondering when you'll buy toilet paper again. From the architectural injustice of door-to-floor stalls to the unspoken rules of public restroom etiquette, we’re naming names, pointing fingers, and as
Bagels: A Definitive Ranking
Good Children: The Podcast prides itself on award-winning journalism that isn't afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions that might make other comedian podcast duos uncomfortable. This week, we're tackling our toughest subject yet: would you f*ck that bagel?
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Early Signs of Daddy Puberty
This week, we’re talking Daddy Puberty: the slow, confusing transformation from boy to twink to… Daddy. Is it a mindset? A muscle mass threshold? A beard-to-hair ratio? We break down the biology, the psychology, and the pop culture mythology of what it really means to enter your Daddy Era. Plus: pop culture daddies from childhood and a debate over whether being called “Daddy” is a compliment or a
Escaping The Fire Island Hookup Forest
This week, we embed ourselves deep inside the myth, the legend, the cautionary tale that is Fire Island. Our mission? To uncover the truth behind the infamous Belvedere Hotel, an all-nude, men-only boarding house perched just beyond the bounds of good judgment. What begins as an overnight getaway quickly spirals into blackouts at drag brunch, fighting for our lives in the Meat Rack, and late-night
From The Archive: Who Drank At My 17th Birthday Party?
ONE WEEK UNTIL WE'RE BACK WITH NEW EPISODES! Thanks for your patience
From The Archive: Bear in the Woods (S4E7)
Thank you for your patience as we plan our next season, we'll be back shortly with brand new episodes starting in July! (Happy Pride Month, am I right?)
Until then, join us for a weekend in nature that changed our lives forever.*
*a few weeks.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
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From The Archive: Chimes and Punishment (S4E10)
Did you know acapella groups participate in violent hazing rituals? This week we're taking it back to last summer, when Andrew revealed the traumatic story behind his barefooted days as a Loyola Chime.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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From The Archive: HOW TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE (S2E1)
Throwing it back to when we tried to be an educational podcast: "Let's learn to put ourselves out there together: from using the internet to gain notoriety as a middle schooler, to dealing with bullying and humiliation in high school, this episode gets traumatic. The boys talk about body image, their first gay dates, their most embarrassing moments, childhood crushes (Sharkboy), fear of rejection/
FROM THE ARCHIVE: You Get To Exhale Now, Totino (S3E21)
Today we're taking it back to a particularly vulnerable conversation on sex. P.S.: We're taking a short break! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com
HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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FROM THE ARCHIVE: Boys State (S2E25)
Let's travel back to two summers ago when Andrew shared his military camp story with the world for the very first time. P.S.: We're taking a short break! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com
HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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FROM THE ARCHIVE: Meet You At The Mall (S1E1)
Today we're taking it all the way back to our very first episode, back when we were two delusional twinks with a dream and chronic acid reflux. P.S.: We're taking a short break! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com
HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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When Podcasting Works Out
Today we're celebrating our three year anniversary with a retrospect on all of the historic moments and people we've had the pleasure of experiences in our time as podcasters.P.S.: We're taking a short break! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com
HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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I Hate Birthday Parties
HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY TO OUR FEARLESS LEADER: Andrew Thee Muscarella. Today we're talking all things birthday. PLUS: Meet Garrett!
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Gays in Spring
This week we talk about the worst season of all time: spring.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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An Episode About Sleep
WE'RE WEBBY NOMINATED VOTE HERE PLEASE!Grab your PJs. Close your eyes. No seriously—close them. This week, we’re diving under the covers to talk about the one thing we all want more of and still somehow sabotage nightly.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Our Favorite Subject
WE'RE WEBBY NOMINATED VOTE HERE PLEASE!This episode is all about something we hold very dear to our hearts. It's long. It’s short. It’s complicated. It’s the root of wars, poems, traffic violations, and bad decisions made in locker rooms, dorm rooms, and boardrooms alike.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
E
The Hunger Games Made Me Not Suicidal
WE'RE WEBBY NOMINATED VOTE HERE PLEASE!This week, for the third time, we are bringing you back to the woods of Long Island, 2012, as Joe and Andrew partake in a life-or-death battle against fellow high schoolers in a dramatic re-enactment of The Hunger Games.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie
Can A Zoo Be Ethical? And Other Moral Debates You Expect From This Podcast
This week we take a very serious look at zoos as Andrew presses Joe on the ethical boundaries of zookeepers and Joe argues for the proper care and conservation of endangered species. No, we’re not kidding, that’s what the episode is about.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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The Midwest Is the Europe of America
This week we bring you along for the ride of a lifetime as we talk through our most recent set of live shows in the midwest. From a rental car debacle that almost ended in disaster to an elevator experience some could describe as impossible, we made it through by the skin of our teeth and the synthetic fibers of our Chappell Roan wigs.
Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thur
You (Might) Have A Phone Addiction
This week we talk about our very complicated relationship to the internet, dating back to the dawn of social media and all the way up to the present day, where it’s lowkey our entire livelihood (and what that means for our mental health). We also talk about the addictive quality of going viral and how we secretly compare ourselves to each other. What happens when you think don’t measure up to your
Well, Well, Wellness
Today we tackle wellness culture: from experiments in goop to cauliflower crust ending with some positive affirmations by Pharrell Williams.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Jon Lovett on Math, Chipotle, & Long Island
Today we're joined by Gay Long Island Podcast Royalty: Jon Lovett. From a career in political speechwriting to a stint on Survivor, Jon traces his life back to his roots: a suburban upbringing on Long Island, New York.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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The Body Keeps The Score, And, Girl, We’re Getting Our Ass Beat
LAST CHANCE Tickets for Indianapolis, Chicago, and Madison HERE!!
TW: Diet Culture, Body Image, and, girlllll, just some typical self-hating gays.
Today we move through our journeys with fitness as we giggle and gab about workout classes. From the dark room of SoulCyle to the comfort of an at-home workout, we’ve pretty much tried everything once. Certified Personal Trainer & Fitness Coach, Andre
If You’re In Your Darkest Hour: Click On This
This week, we are back on the timeless subject of Valentine’s Day. Joe and Andrew discuss angel food cake, the devil, Instagram flirting tactics, Hailee Steinfeld, Hailee Steinfeld’s dad, Sia’s Jamaican patois, and the mental and emotional state of one of our perpetually Valentine-less hosts, who will remain unnamed.
Tickets for Indianapolis, Chicago, and Madison HERE!!
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The Sick & Twisted Story of A Twink & A Redhead
This week we're joined by our IRL besties, Grant Gibbs and Ashley Gill AKA A Twink and a Redhead! We talk about our parallel lives growing up together in the tri-state area, our joint love of chain restaurants, and getting to know each other as neighbors in Brooklyn!
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR
What Cruise Ships Do To The Brain
Today we're talking CRUISING!!!!! Specifically the family vacation we took together in 2022 that was anything but smooth sailing.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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The Life & Death of Shirley Temple
This week, get a look behind the Patreon Paywall with a very special episode, where Andrew tells Joe all about the life and death of legendary film star Shirley Temple.
Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!!
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
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Why Ben Platt Performs
Ben Platt joins the boys for an honest conversation about anxiety, aspirations, and The Search for Elle Woods.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson
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Why Is Spending The Night So Scary?
Today the boys discuss the timeless hell that is a sleepover.
HOSTS:
Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR:
Kenzie Edmondson
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Getting Naked With Your Best Friend
Happy Nude Year! After a life-changing three day visit to a Korean Spa in Los Angeles, the boys discuss the complications of being in touch with their own bodies, with stories from middle school to Melbourne, Australia.
Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!!
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
DO NOT HIRE A GRINCH IMPERSONATOR
Merry Christmas to AWLL! Today Cindy Lou Who and The Grinch work it out on the remix before Joe and Andrew dive into their storied history with The Grinch. From elaborately themed experiential walkthroughs at summer camp, to unsolicited visits in college, all the way to the fateful Grinch impersonator that changed Snowchella forever.
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Ilana Glazer on Long Island, Weed, Motherhood, & Broad City
Today we're joined by the icon who made this podcast possible: Ilana Glazer. We discuss growing up on Long Island, weed-induced anxiety attacks, motherhood, working with your best friend, and Ilana's latest project; "Human Magic" out December 20th on Hulu & Disney+.
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HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella
EDITOR:
Why Does Santa Punish Us?
Is it ethical to raise children under the threat of Santa Claus? Today we join Buddy the Elf and Santa Claws himself for a discussion on Santa Claus... the good.. the bad.. and the freaks!
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HOSTS
Are Christmas Carolers Okay?
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Today we join Nora and Luther Krank as they prepare for the surprise homecoming of their grown-ass daughter Blair, who ruins their beautiful Vi
The Perks of Touching Grass
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here!
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🏕️ GIVEAWAY ALERT! 🏕️This week, we’re taking you along on our getaway to Postcard Cabins in Machimoodus, CT— where we unplug and get back in touch with ourselves 🌲✨ AND, because we loved it so much, we’re giving THREE lucky listeners the chance to win a 2-night st
Thanksgiving When You're Gay and Italian and In Your 20s
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets HERE!
Today Joe explains why fish are birds, we discuss Thanksgiving as a concept, and the boys ideate on a new ice cream flavor that will change the trajectory of their lives.
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