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Love in a F*cked Up World

Dean Spade 29 episodes Latest May 28, 2026

Dean Spade, a long-time activist for queer and trans liberation and against policing and incarceration, hosts a podcast about building and sustaining strong relationships. Drawing on 25 years of movement work, he and his guests offer concrete tools for navigating relationships while holding onto liberatory values. The podcast explores why people often act their worst in relationships and how to do better.

Episodes

Love and Relationships Across Prison Walls (Part 1) May 28, 2026 3149 Send us a messagePrisons are designed to isolate, break social ties, and destroy communities. Yet, people fight hard to keep relationships going across prison walls, and through all the crises that prisons manufacture. Episode 26 is Part One of a multi-episode series on relating across prison walls. This episode features conversations with friends inside prison, people who have been released, and

Gossip May 14, 2026 987 Send us a messageMorgan Bassichis is back talking gossip with Dean. Why is it so hard to tell people things directly? Why is it so hard to keep things confidential? How can we tell whether we’re sharing information because it is useful for caring, or because we want to seem important or get social credit? How can we help each other practice direct communication? How can we bring greater care to ho

Resentment Apr 30, 2026 1486 Send us a messageTea kettle studies non-expert Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk about resentment—how it can poison our enjoyment of the things we want and need to do, how it can be toxic for groups, how it is a reasonable response to the intense conditions we live under, and what it looks like to try to work through it so we can stay connected to the people, groups, and activities we car

Vicky Osterweil Apr 16, 2026 4614 Send us a messageVicky Osterweil, author of In Defense of Looting, joins Dean for a Trans Day of Visibility event organized by CLAGS (The Center for LGBTQ Studies at CUNY). Dean and Vicky talk about the gorgeous threat that trans people constitute to fascism, the power of holding multiple contradictory truths, and how to keep trying things and experimenting to create revolution.Vicky's new bo

Eli Clare Apr 2, 2026 3477 Send us a messageDean chats with his friend, the brilliant writer and activist Eli Clare, about his newest book, Unfurl, which Eli describes as a queer disabled love song. Dean and Eli talk about grief and what it means to live with a broken heart, dealing with feelings of betrayal and disappointment in longtime movement work, and the persistence of internalized shame. They also talk about the imp

Benji Hart Mar 19, 2026 3350 Send us a messageDean sits down with friend and collaborator Benji Hart, a facilitator, educator, writer, and artist with years of experience in multiracial abolitionist organizing. Together, they discuss their anti-militarism work with the group Dissenters and explore the deep connections between transformative justice and artistic practice. Benji shares insights from their experience facilitatin

Am I Working Too Hard to Fix Myself? Mar 5, 2026 2018 Send us a messageMorgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through a listener question about when self-improvement work is too rigorous and/or driven by shame. Morgan and Dean go deep, thinking together about the really painful beliefs about ourselves that sometimes come up and how to move through them. How can we hold ourselves with humility, recognizing our growth edges and taking actions we wa

Andrea Ritchie Feb 19, 2026 3874 Send us a messageDean is joined by longtime collaborator and dear friend Andrea Ritchie, author of Practicing New Worlds, Invisible No More, No More Police, and other essential books and toolkits that you can find linked below and on the Interrupting Criminalization website. Andrea has been documenting, organizing, advocating, litigating, and agitating around policing and criminalization of Black

Chani Nicholas Feb 5, 2026 3640 Send us a messageChani Nicholas, queer feminist astrologer and author of You Were Born for This, joins Dean to talk about how she got politicized, how we hold fear and choose purposeful action in these difficult times, what it takes to stand up for what we believe in when were are under pressure, and what it means to worship time. Visit Chani’s website for access to her app and to listen to both o

Green Dreamer Jan 29, 2026 3280 Send us a messageDean is excited to share an episode of the podcast Green Dreamer, hosted by kaméa chayne. Green Dreamer features thoughtful, engaging interviews with organizers, writers, artists, and thinkers working towards transformative change. You can listen to a recent episode featuring Dean here.This episode features an interview with adrienne maree brown and addresses questions including:

Peter Gelderloos Jan 22, 2026 3786 Send us a messageDean speaks (in person!) with Peter Gelderloos, whose work has profoundly shaped Dean’s political development since he first encountered How Nonviolence Protects the State in the early 2000s. Together, they discuss revolutionary tactics, the criminalization of resistance, and how to challenge dominant narratives of pacifism. Peter also describes an “ecosystem of revolt” and shares

Holly Whitaker Jan 8, 2026 3285 Send us a messageDean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of 12-step impact how we perceive drinking and sobriety. We recommend pairing this episode with our previous episode with Shira Hassan, as well as the bonus interview with Shira that you

Giving and Receiving Feedback Dec 24, 2025 1165 Send us a messageIn societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct feedback. Often we don’t tell people when they hurt us and then we blow up at them or ghost after saving up a pile of hurts. Or we build resentments that are toxic for us and for relationship

Shira Hassan Dec 10, 2025 3152 Send us a messageShira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in a F*cked Up World, she opens a nuanced exploration of the relationship between dissociation and numbness, rebellious awareness and radical acceptance, the role of softness in the midst

7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush Nov 26, 2025 1127 Send us a messageCrushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's book Love in a F*cked Up World: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush. This tool can help you to turn down the intensity of the interest or obsession when you're feeling crushed

AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo (Part 2) Nov 12, 2025 3675 Send us a messageJessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a relationship, set boundaries, and talk about safer sex — to conversations about porn, casual sex, gender envy, and parasocial relationships.Listen to Part 1 of this episode on Apple here, Spotify

AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo (Part 1) Nov 5, 2025 3135 Send us a messageJessica Lanyadoo joins Dean for the first AMA episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Jessica and Dean answer listener questions about how to navigate our relationships with friends in the context of these terrifying times, how to deal with differing awareness and practices around COVID in our community spaces, and how to negotiate and reckon with differences in class and access to

Kelly Hayes Oct 22, 2025 3367 Send us a messageKelly Hayes joins Dean Spade to talk about the relational work of movement building. In a critical moment in Chicago, Kelly and Dean talk about how to establish the trust needed to take the kinds of risks necessary to fight ICE and fascist invasion. They also talk about AI and journalism, and Kelly tells Dean how when confronting fascism, "The truth is a front of struggle.&qu

Weyam Ghadbian Oct 15, 2025 3426 Send us a messageWeyam Ghadbian joins Dean Spade to talk about Dean's tool 7 Steps for Deescalating a Crush, how Weyam encouraged Dean to discuss the transformative power of love, when attachment theory is useful, and when it's ok to give self help books as gifts.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the p

How to Survive the End of the World: Be My Senpai Oct 6, 2025 5099 Send us a messageDean is excited to share an episode of one of his favorite podcasts, How to Survive the End of the World, hosted by Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown.In this episode, "Be My Senpai" the sisters answer a listener question about how to interface with critical feedback and even trolling. They dive into the the importance of belonging and the ways they establish safety a

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Sep 29, 2025 1807 Send us a messageHow can you tell when it's time to leave a relationship with a person, project, job, or group? How can you tell if you have a tendency to walk away too fast or to stay too long in relationships? Morgan Bassichis is back to go deep into these questions with Dean, including talking about how to know when to keep trying to convince people of your perspective and when to move on.

Prentis Hemphill Sep 10, 2025 3704 Send us a messagePrentis Hemphill joins Dean Spade in this episode to talk about love, organizing, and healing. They talk about projection, practice, and their approaches to writing books in the self help genre.Check out Prentis's book, What it Takes to Heal, and podcast, Becoming the People.This episode is available in video format on YouTube. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*

Long Distance and Electronic Communication Aug 25, 2025 1806 Send us a messageIs sexting sex? And is sexting cheating if someone is monogamous? How can we be clear in our communication and boundaries? Can we feel ok giving a maybe or accepting a no? Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through frequently asked questions about navigating long distance and electronic communication in relationships.Do you have a question for Dean? Here are upcoming oppor

Mariame Kaba Aug 11, 2025 4287 Send us a messageMariame Kaba joins Dean Spade for this episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Mariame and Dean talk about the dangers of putting leaders on pedestals in our movements, what to do when you or someone you know is getting canceled, how to relate to the concept of hope in this time, how norms about sex and romance influence resistance work, and letting go of certainty.Transcript availa

What Else is True? Jul 24, 2025 809 Send us a messageWhen we're fixated on something, it may be helpful to ask ourselves What Else is True? Morgan Bassichis joins Dean Spade to walk us through this tool for getting perspective when we're tied up in knots.The What Else is True? worksheet that Dean describes is available here (PDF)You can watch this episode on YouTube.Transcript available at https://deanspade.net/podcastDon’

Tourmaline and Morgan Bassichis Jul 10, 2025 3702 Send us a messageTourmaline and Morgan Bassichis join Dean Spade on this episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Tourmaline, Morgan, and Dean talk about how sites of capture and violence, like sexuality, romance and love, are also sites of pleasure and freedom, and how complex that tangle can be in the day to day. They also talk about what it means to support each other and the many lessons they’ve

Hard Feelings Jun 25, 2025 950 Send us a messageMorgan Bassichis joins Dean Spade to talk about how to deal with hard feelings–like jealousy, possessiveness, and control–when they inevitably come up. Morgan and Dean talk about how it doesn't help to shame ourselves for having feelings that don't align with our principles, and how we can use humor and curiosity to find playful ways to engage these emotions and get the

adrienne maree brown Jun 11, 2025 2663 Send us a messageadrienne maree brown joins Dean Spade for the first episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. adrienne and Dean talk about collectivity, working in fractals to overcome feelings of overwhelm, pleasure, and letting go of ownership and possessiveness to build abundant support systems.Transcript available at https://deanspade.net/podcastBooks, podcasts, and more from adrienne maree brown

Introducing: Love in a F*cked Up World with Dean Spade Jun 9, 2025 111 Send us a messageFor over 25 years, Dean Spade has been working in movements for queer and trans liberation and to end police, prisons, immigration enforcement, and war. His new podcast, Love In A F*cked Up World, offers concrete tools and conversations about how we can build and sustain strong relationships, because our connections to each other are the building blocks of all of our movements.

Love in a F*cked Up World

Episodes

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