The Skillful Podcast
The Skillful Podcast explores skills and concepts from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Radically-Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) to help listeners reduce emotional suffering, improve their relationships and create the life they want.
Episodes
#61: DBT Skills Group for Therapists
Are you a therapist who wants the experience of being in a DBT skills group yourself? Are you curious about how the skills can help YOU? Marielle and Ed are starting a new skills group designed specifically for therapists to learn the skills together in a supportive online environment. We are excited to offer this group. For more information and to sign up visit www.dbtskillsgroupfor
#60: Problem Solving
What DBT skill do you use when your emotion fits the facts? One option is to work on changing the facts. The skill of Problem Solving offers a structured framework to help you change situations that cause painful emotions. Problem Solving begins, like many of the Emotion Regulation skills in DBT, by naming your emotion. Next, identify your goal in solving the problem and come up with a s
#59: Willingness
Today's episode discusses the DBT skill of Willingness. Willingness is one of the reality acceptance skills that we teach in Distress Tolerance. This skill can help you let go of fighting what is so you can do what's needed in each situation - without dragging your feet or holding onto a grudge. One way to understand Willingness is to think of its opposite: Willfulness. When Willfulnes
#58: Applying DEAR MAN in Difficult Interactions
Once you have grasp of the DEAR MAN skill, you might find yourself getting stuck when you try to use it in difficult interactions. Maybe the other person pushes back, tries to change the subject, or refuses to engage fairly. While we can't force anyone to do anything, we can continue to use our skills to stay as effective as possible during heated moments. For full show notes, visit ou
#57: Figuring Out How to Change Painful Emotions
Once you have a grasp of the change-oriented skills in DBT (such as Check the Facts, Opposite Action, and Problem Solving) it can be hard to figure out which one to use. This episode walks you through deciding if and when to act on an unwanted emotion. For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed Check the Facts Mindfulness of Curren
#56: Emotions Explained: Shame
Shame is one of the most painful emotions we can experience. This episode explores what shame is, when the emotion is useful (and when it's not), and skills to help you cope when shame threatens to overwhelm you. Shame is a social emotion that motivates us to repair transgressions that might result in us being excluded from a group we want (or need) to belong to. Many of us, though
#55: Emotions Explained: Fear
Today's episode focuses on the emotion of fear. At its most fundamental, fear keeps us safe. It guides us to fight, flee, or freeze in the face of danger. Often, though, fear can be chronic, manifesting as anxiety, worry, or tension even when we are safe. This episode helps you identify fear in all its manifestations and provides tools to help you cope with it. DBT Skills Discussed Bu
#54: Emotions Explained: Anger
In this episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion of anger. In its most useful form, anger moves us to protect and defend ourselves and those we care about. Many people, though, find anger frightening because they have witnessed destructive expressions of anger such as emotional or physical violence. This episode unpacks the emotion of anger so you can understand it in yourself and poten
#53: Walking the Middle Path
When we find ourselves getting caught in extremes, the DBT skill called Walking the Middle Path helps us re-calibrate. Use this skill when you notice you are caught in binary thinking to find a way to move towards center. This episode explores common opposites: Reasonable Mind vs. Emotion Mind Doing Mind vs. Being Mind Intense Desire of the Moment vs. Radical Acceptance of the Moment
#52: Interpersonal Effectiveness Overview
This episode is an overview of the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills in DBT, focusing on clarifying objectives, DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST. There are a lot of acronyms in the Interpersonal Effectiveness module! Memorizing what each letter of the acronym stands for, especially DEAR MAN, can help you access the skill when you most need it. The best way to memorize the DEAR MAN script is to writ
#51: How to Assert Yourself, Part 2
In Part 2 of How to Assert Yourself, Marielle and Ed discuss common interpersonal pitfalls in speaking up for yourself in relationships. Do you swallow your needs and then find they all come out in a rush of words and anger? Vacillating between staying silent and then blowing up is common and hurts both your relationships and your self-respect. This episode offers lots of ideas to help you avoid
#50: How to Assert Yourself, Part 1
Do you find it hard to speak up for yourself in relationships? If so, this 2-part series on how to assert yourself may help you understand why it can feel so hard to ask for things or say no in different types of relationships. In order to be able to assert yourself, you first need to know what you want and don't want. Sometimes this is harder that it seems. If you've spent a lifetime minimizing o
#49: Dealing with Fears of Abandonment
In this episode, Marielle and Ed answer a listener's question about fears of abandonment when conflict arises in relationships. These fears go straight to the heart of old wounds for many people. Often, worry that conflict will destroy a relationship is rooted in our earliest relationships with our caregivers. If that early care was inconsistent, absent, or punishing in some way, it will be hard
#48: Emotion Regulation Overview Part 2
This episode is the 2nd part of an overview of the Emotion Regulation skills in DBT, focusing on skills that can help you be in Emotion Mind less often. You can find part 1 here. The skills discussed in this episode may not have an immediate impact on how you're feeling, but regular application of these skills over time builds emotional resilience and flexibility. DBT Skills Discussed Accumulat
#47: Emotion Regulation Overview Part 1
The Emotion Regulation skills in DBT offer lots of ways to help you identify and respond to emotions. Some of the Emotion Regulation skills focus on change, while others focus on acceptance. This toggling back and forth between acceptance and change is the primary dialectic we are continually balancing in DBT. This episode provides an overview of the Emotion Regulation skills as a whole, and takes
#46: Don't Believe Everything You Think
This episode explores how to apply mindfulness skills to help you manage distressing thoughts using the DBT skill called Mindfulness of Current Thoughts. Thoughts can cause a lot of suffering. Often, thoughts about events are based on assumptions, judgments, or interpretations rather than on facts. The core of this skill is to notice thoughts as just thoughts, or sensations of the brain, rather th
#45: Soothing Trauma Symptoms with Elle Michel, LMFT
Today, Marielle interviews Elle Michel, LMFT, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in treating complex trauma. Elle uses a combination of modalities to treat trauma, including DBT, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Brainspotting. This episode focuses on describing what happens in the nervous system after a traumatic event, and how to use DBT skills to cope with an ac
#44: Working with Judgments
Today, we take a deep dive into working with judgments. Judgments about ourselves and others can increase emotional suffering and negatively impact relationships. Judgments are often assumptions, interpretations, or myths that we add to the facts. We then tend to mistake our judgments for facts. This episode explores how to notice all of the subtle and often habitual ways judgments show up, as w
#43: Distress Tolerance Overview Part 2
The Distress Tolerance skills in DBT offer creative ways to get through challenging situations without making things worse. In Part 2 of this overview of Distress Tolerance skills, we focus on acceptance skills. Both acceptance and change skills can help lower emotional distress so you can access your most wise, grounded self. Radical Acceptance, as well as skills that support Radical Acceptance,
#42: Distress Tolerance Overview Part 1
The Distress Tolerance skills in DBT offer creative ways to get through challenging situations without making things worse. Today's episode is Part 1 of an overview of Distress Tolerance as a whole, with a special focus on change-oriented skills. When emotional distress is high, there can be an intense desire to do something to make the distress stop. Very often, when we numb or distance ourselves
#41: How Strongly to Ask or Say No
Do you find asking for things or saying no hard? If so, this episode is for you. Marielle and Ed provide a framework for thinking about how strongly to make requests and how strongly to say no. For some people, making requests confidently is challenging and for others, it's saying no that is hard. Sometimes it depends on the type of relationship. Perhaps you're comfortable saying no with friends
#40: Overcoming Procrastination
Today's episode is a response to a listener question about procrastinating making progress towards life goals. Marielle and Ed explore the emotions that underlie urges to put off doing what needs to get done. For some people, procrastination is a habitual response, no matter what the task. For other people, procrastination is a response to specific unpleasant tasks. Either way, procrastination of
#39: Getting Unstuck with Greg Bodin, MFT
Today, Marielle interviews Greg Bodin, MFT, a therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area who practices Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT. Greg specializes in anxiety, trauma, men's sex issues, and is also a certified EMDR therapist. ACT and DBT have a lot in common. One of the core tenets of ACT is learning to accept where your life is right now and committing to making changes so that your
#38: What the Heck is Dialectics?
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss the D in DBT: Dialectics. Dialectics helps us remember that two seemingly opposing forces can both be true, change is the only constant, and that we are all connected. When emotions are heightened, either/or thinking can get us stuck and limit our ability to think and creatively problem solve. Dialectics encourages us to move away from either/or thinking and towards
#37: Level Up Your Skill Use
This episode is in response to a listener question about combining DBT skill use for difficult situations. We thought it was a great question to tackle in an episode. As your knowledge of DBT skills increases, you will likely find that using several different skills is often the most effective way to respond to challenging life situations. Another way of thinking about this is layering skills - us
#36: More Listener Questions
In this episode of The Skillful Podcast, we answer two listener questions. The first question is from a listener who wants advice about balancing conflicting values to build a life worth living. The second question is about how to maintain your DBT skills practice once treatment has ended. Marielle and Ed discuss the issues these questions bring up and offer creative ways to think about the dilemm
#35: Coping with Pandemic Fatigue
As we pass the year mark of pandemic life, many of us are exhausted and eager to get back to how things used to be. While there are positive developments with vaccination rates rising and case counts lowering in some parts of the world, the finish line is still far away. We need emotional stamina to stay the course and tolerate the limits on daily life that the pandemic imposes. In this episode, M
#34: Getting Through the Holidays
As we close out the year, new skills may be needed to help you get through a holiday season that's unlike any other. Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you cope and cultivate moments of joy. Isolation, a constant for many people these days, might be intensified during the holidays. Not being able to be around friends and family for the holidays is painful but for others, it may feel like a rel
#33: Ten Common Communication Myths
Today's episode explores ten common interpersonal myths. These myths can prevent us from being as effective in relationships as we like. Some of these myths are about how we "should" be or how others "should" be. Some of these myths are about conflict, or about whether it's ok to assert our need or say no. Often we learn these myths from our families when we are young, and it's helpful to recogniz
#32: Election Season Survival Skills
This is a special episode geared towards our listeners in the United States. We have a big election approaching and if you struggle with your emotions, you may be more impacted by the uncertainty, polarization, and chaos in our country. Compounding the political uncertainty are environmental threats like wildfires and hurricanes. On top of all this, we are still in a pandemic! No wonder Wise Mind
#31: Self-Soothing Revisited
Do you find it hard to take care of yourself? The DBT skill of self-soothing is designed to help you tolerate distress, but it's also helpful for regular self-care. This episode explores what exactly self-soothing is, when and how to use it, and common barriers to implementing it. Many of us are going through a time of tremendous uncertainty and multiple losses in the face of a global pandemic.
#30: What Happens When You Have an Emotion
Today, Marielle and Ed unpack what happens in the body and mind when an emotion occurs. There's actually a lot going on! If you are sensitive to or are confused by your emotions, it can be helpful to have an understanding of the different components that make up an emotional experience. DBT's Model for Describing Emotions breaks down emotions into ten parts: the prompting event, awareness, inter
#29: Using DBT Skills in Anti-Racist Work
Today Marielle and Ed offer ways to use DBT skills to support emotional equilibrium during a time where systemic anti-black racism is being confronted and discussed in new and necessary ways. This episode is not about how to be anti-racist. That's beyond what we can provide. The resources below serve as a starting point to learn more. Rather, this episode focuses on skills to help you find your
#28: Listener Questions
Today Marielle and Ed answer listener questions. The first question is from a listener in Sweden about how to cope with anger at others for not taking the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. Question two is about how to use DEAR MAN to say no. The final question in this episode is about how to figure out when it's time to leave a situation. To learn more about this podcast and get full show not
#27: Radical Acceptance During a Pandemic
Today's show revisits Radical Acceptance in the face of a global pandemic. Marielle and Ed discuss how they are using this skill (or not using it!) during this time. Ed is using Radical Acceptance a lot lately, as he feels like it is often the only thing to do in this situation. Marielle shares her resistance to using Radical Acceptance during this time, and the ways she works with fear of strong
#26: Coping with COVID-19 [Part 3] Being Skillful in Relationships During Quarantine
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you communicate with other people during a global pandemic where we are all facing new interpersonal challenges. We are connecting - or not connecting - with each other in very different ways now which can strain relationships. People living alone may feel isolated. People living with others may long for time alone. The demands of partners, children, a
#25: Coping With COVID-19 [Part 2]
Today, Marielle and Ed continue to discuss DBT skills to cope during a pandemic. We are all going through a collective trauma and need extra support. The DBT skill called Check The Facts is explored. We also explore the difficulty in using this skill during a time when things are rapidly changing and uncertain. Using Check the Facts coupled with Mindfulness may be helpful to remind yourself that t
#24: Coping With COVID-19 [Part 1]
In today's episode, Marielle and Ed explore skills to help you cope with your emotions as we collectively face a pandemic. Many of you may be feeling intense distress on a regular basis during these uncertain times. DBT offers lots of skills to help manage strong, painful emotions like fear and panic. Different ways of thinking about your distress levels are discussed, including the Subjective Uni
#23: Pros and Cons
Today's show covers the DBT skill called Pros and Cons. While most of us have already done informal pro and con lists in our heads when facing a tough decision, the DBT take on Pros and Cons is a little different. Pros and Cons is great to use in anticipation of problem behaviors like avoiding, lashing out, shutting down, self-harm, or any kind of addictive behavior. Just make sure that you're in
#22: Build Mastery and Cope Ahead
In today's episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion regulation skills of Build Mastery and Cope Ahead. These are future-oriented skills that involve some planning to carry out. Build Mastery is a way to strengthen your sense of competence by doing small, regular things that are challenging. Over time, this skill will help you stretch yourself and believe in your capability to accomplish hard t
#21: Surviving Sexual Assault with Dr. Kelsey Harper
Today I'm talking with Dr. Kelsey Harper, a clinical psychologist and DBT therapist who works with trauma, PTSD, and chronic emotion dysregulation. With over a decade of work spanning varying settings and clientele, Kelsey has established a private practice in Santa Monica and observed time and again, that many clients reported extensive histories of trauma leading them to seek therapy and healin
#20: How Do You Talk to Yourself?
In today's episode, we discuss your relationship with yourself, focusing on the skill of Loving-Kindness. When you are having a hard time, are you kind or harsh with yourself? Do you berate yourself for real or perceived mistakes? Do you try to motivate yourself with criticism? These tactics tend to not work in the long-run and erode your sense of self. What if you had permission to be gent
#19: What are Your Values?
Instead of making New Year's resolutions this year, think about using the momentum of the new year to make changes in your life that are aligned with your values. Often New Year's resolutions come from a place of shame or deficiency, a place of trying to fix what's "wrong" with you. What if you made changes in your life based on what's most important to you rather than "fixing" what's wrong? This
#18: Using Skills to Get Through the Holidays
The holidays are a time where there is often a lot of pressure to have a certain kind of experience - one that is about family, friends, joy, and celebration. For many folks, this is more of a fantasy than a reality. If you are fortunate enough to enjoy time with family and friends during the holidays, the expectation of constant togetherness and merry-making can be a set up for disappointment. T
#17: Why Doing Nice Things for Yourself Matters
Do you have a hard time doing nice things for yourself? The DBT skill called Accumulating Positive Events in the Short-Term is all about doing small, regular self-care. Putting effort into building positive emotions on a regular basis helps build emotional resilience so you won't get as thrown when hard things happen. Many folks believe that they have to "earn" doing something nice for themselves
#16: Opposite Action
Sometimes it's better to not act on our emotions. The DBT skill Opposite Action helps you act opposite to what your emotion is telling you to do. Use this skill when your emotion doesn't fit the facts or when your emotion does fit the facts but acting on the emotion isn't effective. This skill can help you act the way you want to feel instead of the way you do feel. Make sure you use this skill t
#15: Check the Facts
In Episode 15 of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle and Ed discuss checking the facts. When you have a painful emotion that you want to change, using the DBT skill called Check the Facts can be very helpful. Sometimes strong, painful emotions aren't a reaction to what has actually happened but are based on beliefs, interpretations, and assumptions about what has happened. Use this skill to help you ch
#14: Why Do We Have Emotions?
Many sensitive people have wished at times that they could just get rid of their emotions. They may try to dampen, suppress, or deny emotions. Although these efforts may work partially, at least in the short-term, they never really work in the long term. Plus, often the things sensitive people may turn to in order to lessen the sting of painful emotions, such as addictive or impulsive behaviors, c
#13: 10 Common Myths About Emotions
Today Marielle and Ed discuss the 10 most common myths about emotions. These myths can come from the culture around us and from the families we were raised in. Asking yourself where you learned some of these myths may be helpful in debunking them. Some myths have to do with a fear of being out of control with emotions and other myths are more about equating emotions with the truth of who you are.
#12: Distraction & Self-Soothing to Ride out Painful Emotions
Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on Distraction and Self-Soothing. While these skills won't solve any problems, they can be super helpful when you are caught up in painful emotions. Distraction in DBT is broken down into separate skills that go by the acronym ACCEPTS (as in Wise Mind ACCEPTS). Show Highlights: Choosing distraction is very different th
#11: Radical Acceptance
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss the skill of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance is a Distress Tolerance skill that helps you stop fighting reality, however painful that reality is. When you can fully open up and radically accept what is happening in the present moment, suffering decreases. Show Highlights: Getting too focused on change can sometimes backfire Radical acceptance is not against
#10: The TIPP Skill: Using Your Body to Calm Down
Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on the TIPP skill. That extra P in TIPP isn't a typo! TIPP is an acronym that actually stands for 4 different skills. The skills in TIPP intervene on a biological level to bring down overwhelming emotions to help you think more clearly. Learn how to assess your distress level using the Subjective Units of Distress scale,
#9: Introduction to Distress Tolerance & the STOP Skill
Marielle and Ed delve into a discussion today on how you can learn to tolerate emotional distress and overwhelm without making things worse. There's a whole range of behaviors that we can learn, from mindfulness to using creative ways to distract. Learn more about how to ride out emotional storms with getting carried away by the winds. Show Highlights: Resistance of emotional pain creates an add
#8: Emotional Over-Control with Neil Howell, MFT
Are you someone who's good at getting things done, following the rules and planning ahead? These can be wonderful traits to have but you may notice that focusing on doing everything right interferes with relaxing, enjoying life and connecting with others. This is known as "emotional over-control" or "OC" and today Marielle sits down with Neill Howell, MFT, to talk about it. Neil is a psychotherapi
#7: Understanding Validation in Relationships and Why We All Need It
Do you know how important it is to feel validated? Validation lets us know that we have been heard and understood. We all have the need to be understood by others, especially those closest to us. Today Marielle and Ed discuss the importance of validation in all interpersonal relationships. They describe the different levels of validation and they take a look at the detrimental effects of being inv
#6: Get What You Want by Using the GIVE and FAST Skills of DBT
Would you like to learn how to ask for what you want, how to resolve a conflict, and how to have your opinion taken seriously in your relationships? Today, Marielle and Ed will be expanding on the interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT. They are working out of the DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, by Marsha Linehan, which is where you can find all the skills, and see all the acronyms
#5: Using the DEARMAN Framework to Say No
Do you find it hard to say 'no', or get what you want in your relationships? Today, Marielle and Ed will be talking about interpersonal effectiveness. The interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT are practical and they are really helpful in giving us a structure for obtaining what we want and need in relationships. These skills also provide us with a structure for saying 'no', while maintaining o
#4: The HOW Skills of Mindfulness
Would you like to introduce a mindfulness practice into your daily routine? Today, Ed joins Marielle once again and they continue talking about the mindfulness skills in DBT. In today's episode, they discuss what you actually do to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework. Listen in to find out more. In the last episode, Marielle and Ed discussed the 'what' skills, or the things that you do, in o
#3: The "What" Skills of Mindfulness
Would you like to learn to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework? Today, Marielle and Ed will be discussing the three 'what' skills of mindfulness. These are called 'what' skills because they are what you actually do to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework. These skills are done one at a time. Listen in today, to find out about the three things that we do to practice being in the present
#2: Introduction to Mindfulness and the Wise Mind
Would you like to know more about DBT and where it all started? In today's episode, Marielle and Ed will be looking into the background and development of DBT. They will discuss dialectics and the concept of Wise Mind and give an introduction to mindfulness. Tune in to find out more. Dialectics is about balancing two things that could be seen as opposite, yet also as true. Dialectical Behavior The
#1: What is Emotional Dysregulation?
Are you highly sensitive? And do you struggle with very intense emotions that sometimes overwhelm you? Today, for the first episode of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle will be talking to Ed Fowler, who works with her at the Bay Area DBT and Couples Counseling Center, providing individual DBT therapy, skills group, ACT, and EMDR for the treatment of trauma. In today's episode, Ed and Marielle will be
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