Normalize therapy.
Formerly known as The Marriage Podcast for Smart People, this show is co-hosted by married couple Caleb and Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele, both experienced counselors. They own Therapevo Counselling Inc., providing therapy to clients across North America via Zoom. The podcast aims to normalize therapy and discuss relationship topics from a professional perspective.
Episodes
Why You Hate Your Porn Use But Still Can't Stop
If you have promised yourself again and again that this would be the last time and ended up back in the same place, this episode is for you. Caleb walks through why hating your porn use is not the same as being able to stop, why self-disgust often fuels the cycle rather than interrupting it, and what actually starts to make the loop lose its grip. For more on this and to book a free 20-minute cons
Why the Betrayer Keeps Hurting Their Partner During Recovery
If you've stopped acting out, started doing the repair work, and your partner still ends up hurt by the conversations you thought you handled well, this episode names what's actually going on. Caleb and Verlynda walk through the empathic stress paradox, the three shame patterns that re-injure your partner during active recovery, and why individual therapy on shame is often the missing piece. https
Trickle Truth and Why Recovery Keeps Restarting
If you've been wondering why your betrayal trauma recovery seems to restart every time your partner discloses something new, your nervous system isn't broken. It's reading new evidence of past deception as a current threat, exactly as it's built to. In this episode we walk through what's actually happening in your body, why more information doesn't bring the calm it seems like it should, and what
My Spouse Won't Go to Couples Therapy: What to Do When Only One of You Is Ready
When one partner wants couples therapy and the other won't come, most advice says wait. Clinically, that's a mistake. Caleb and Verlynda walk through what individual work toward a marriage actually looks like when only one of you is ready, why it isn't a venting subscription about your spouse, and what happens when your spouse finally walks in. Learn more at https://therapevo.com/couples-counselin
Why Your Body Remembers the Betrayal (And 3 Polyvagal Resets That Actually Help)
If you are a year or more past his disclosure and your body is still having reactions that don't feel like you, this episode is for you. Verlynda walks you through the three nervous system states polyvagal theory names, why talk alone plateaus, and three specific resets you can use the next time a trigger hits. Learn more at https://therapevo.com/healing-for-the-betrayed/?utm_source=podcast.
Is Covenant Eyes Enough for Porn Addiction Recovery?
You installed Covenant Eyes because you wanted out. For a few weeks, maybe a few months, the screenshots and the reports made it feel like something was finally changing. The frequency dropped. The late-night slide into the phone got harder. And then something odd happened. The behavior slowed, but the pull didn’t. The fantasy kept running. The ogling kept happening. You started wondering, quietly
How to Be a Safe Man: 7 Markers, Seven Counterfeits, and Why Your Words Aren't Landing
You can learn every phrase. “I hear you.” “That makes sense.” “I’m not going to get defensive right now.” And your partner’s body can still be on guard when you walk into the room.
https://youtu.be/s_NhBOl_QWE
That gap, between the words you’ve practiced and what her nervous system reads off of you, is the whole problem. A viral Instagram carou
The 72-Hour Porn Addiction Relapse Protocol: What Both Partners Need to Do Right Now
He told you. Or you found out. Either way, you’re standing in the same room and it feels like the ground just opened up underneath you.
https://youtu.be/EZTw3clH99g
If you’re dealing with a porn addiction relapse right now, whether you’re the one who slipped or the partner who just learned about it, the next 72 hours matter more than you think. Not because this moment defines you
Porn Addiction in Women: Breaking the Silence on the Invisible Struggle
You’ve probably never told anyone.
https://youtu.be/jOWTi9qscTo
Not your best friend. Not your partner. Definitely not your therapist. Because every article you’ve found about pornography addiction was written for someone else. Every recovery group is 90% men. Every cautionary story starts with “he.” And somewhere along the way, you quietly concluded that whatever is happen
Is Watching Porn Cheating? What the Research Says About Betrayal, Fidelity, and Harm
If you’ve asked this question, you’ve probably already lived the argument. You brought it up, and it got dismissed. “It’s just porn.” “You’re being unrealistic.” “Every guy does this.” And somewhere in the middle of that conversation, the focus shifted from what happened to you, to whether you even had the right to call it what it felt li
What Porn Actually Does to Your Brain: The Neuroscience of Compulsive Use
You’ve probably had the thought at some point: why is this so hard to stop?
https://youtu.be/x1ZnC41N-eM
Not because you haven’t tried. Not because you don’t care. But there’s something willpower alone doesn’t seem to touch, and if you’ve ever wondered whether that something is happening in your brain, you’re asking exactly the right question.
The porn eff
The Boundary Blueprint: How Self-Protection Creates the Conditions for His Recovery
Every time you fly, a flight attendant gives the same instruction: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Not because your life matters more. Because a person who has passed out from lack of oxygen cannot help anyone.
https://youtu.be/dI96DuqwXbg
You have been holding your breath for a long time.
If you’ve been living in the wake of a pornography addiction, there’s a good
He's a Good Man, But a Porn Addict: How to Recover When You Choose to Stay
Two things can be true at once. He is a good man, and he has been lying to you for years. He is a devoted father, and he has been carrying a secret that has shaped your intimacy, your self-image, and your sense of reality. He is the person you chose, and he has caused you real harm.
https://youtu.be/QzKfkXREilI
If you’ve chosen to stay, or if you’re still trying to decide, you’re
The Pornography Gaslight: Why Your Gut Is Right (Even When He Says You're Wrong)
You know what you saw on his phone. You confronted him about it. But by the end of the conversation you were the one confused and wondering why you needed to apologize. That’s not a failure of memory. There is a name for what just happened to you.
https://youtu.be/t0Mq3HlBu7c
Gaslighting in porn addiction is a pattern of psychological tactics used — sometimes deliberately, sometimes without
The Porn Detective Trap: Why Checking His Phone Won't Give You Peace
You know the ritual by now. You wait until he’s in the shower. Or maybe you’ve gotten past that stage and you just pick up his phone while he’s in the same room, watching his face as you do it. The buzz starts before you’ve even unlocked the screen. Your breathing goes shallow. There’s a knot somewhere in your chest or your stomach that doesn’t loosen, whether y
Are You Married to a Roommate? How to Reconnect
You can describe everything that happened this week and feel nothing in particular. You handled the schedules, had the right conversations about the right things, kept the household going. Your marriage is functional. Maybe even impressive from the outside.
https://youtu.be/hy67Ip0vtfg
But somewhere along the way, you stopped knowing what your spouse is actually carrying. Not the logistics. The re
9 Science-Based Exercises to Transform Your Relationship Communication
Introduction
You start a conversation about the weekend, and five minutes later, you’re both shouting about something that happened three years ago. Sound familiar? This pattern—where simple discussions spiral into destructive arguments—affects millions of romantic relationships, leaving romantic partners feeling defeated, distant, and deeply misunderstood.
https://youtu.be/tP6Ck9zv5-0
Communicati
The Mental Load Trap: Why "Helping" Is Hurting Your Marriage
Introduction
Mental load in marriage creates resentment when one partner carries the weight of anticipating, planning, and managing every aspect of household and family life while the other remains in a “helper” role. This resentment affects millions of marriages, and if you’re experiencing it, your anger is a legitimate response to an unfair partnership structure—not a character flaw.
https://you
Breaking the Dance of Disconnection: Understanding Your Marriage Cycle
Introduction
The negative interaction cycle in marriage is the invisible force keeping you trapped in the same painful conflict over and over—even when you both desperately want things to change. If you feel stuck in repetitive arguments that escalate from nothing, sensing emotional distance despite genuinely loving your partner, you’re experiencing what emotionally focused therapy calls the “danc
Rebuilding Intimacy After Porn Addiction: A Complete Guide for Couples
Pornography addiction creates a specific kind of pain in marriage—one where partners feel invisible even during physical closeness, where trust has been shattered by secrecy, and where the bedroom becomes a place of anxiety rather than connection. The emotional devastation of infidelity, whether through physical or sexual betrayal, can deeply impact trust and attachment, compounding the challenges
The Complete Guide to Formal Disclosure for Pornography Addiction: Ending Trickle-Truth and Rebuilding Reality
Formal disclosure for pornography addiction is a structured, therapist-guided process where the addicted partner provides a complete, truthful account of their pornography use and related behaviors to their betrayed partner. This clinical intervention aims to end secrecy, establish shared reality, and create the foundation for relational healing—all without causing additional trauma through graphi
Forgiveness vs. Healing: The Neurobiology of Betrayal Trauma
Forgiveness and healing betrayal trauma are not the same process—and confusing them keeps betrayed partners stuck in pain, wondering why they still feel triggered despite genuinely wanting to move forward. The distinction matters because your brain processes betrayal as a survival threat, and no amount of willpower or spiritual intention can override neurobiology.
https://youtu.be/Q40fUWq0pYk
The
The Psychology of Secret Lives: How Porn Addicts Use Compartmentalization
Introduction
Porn addicts compartmentalize by constructing invisible mental barriers that separate their addiction from every other aspect of their life—creating two distinct realities that never touch. Many porn addicts live a life of compartmentalization, presenting a respected image on the outside while harboring a shameful secret on the inside. Compartmentalization allows porn addicts to engag
The World Is Not Your Browser: Overcoming Scanning and Objectification
Introduction
Scanning, ogling, and objectification are behaviors that continue the patterns of porn addiction in the real world. They impact your relationship, your partner’s sense of safety and trust, and even the well-being of the women around you. Recognizing the harm these behaviors cause is a crucial step on your recovery journey. Scanning, ogling, and objectification are a real problem with
Is It High Sex Drive or Something Else?
Introduction
If pornography addiction were simply about having a high sex drive, you wouldn’t find yourself reaching for it when you’re exhausted after a long workday, when you’re feeling lonely on a Friday night, or when stress from work has you wound tight. The pattern reveals something important: you aren’t just “horny.” You are trying to regulate your internal state.
https://youtu.be/eOP0kjHTC
When the Past Shows Up: Navigating Betrayal Trauma Triggers After Infidelity
Introduction
A phone buzzes on the nightstand. The betrayed partner’s chest tightens, their heart pounds, and suddenly they’re flooded with the same panic they felt on discovery day—even though it’s just a work notification. The betraying partner sees the fear in their eyes and feels crushing shame, which triggers their own defensive response: “It’s just my boss. Why are you always so paranoid?” W
Sobriety vs. Recovery: Why Counting Days is Not Enough
Introduction
You’ve made it thirty days without pornography. Maybe sixty. Perhaps you’ve even crossed the ninety-day threshold that so many recovery communities celebrate. Yet despite the streak on your counter app, something still feels wrong. The irritability hasn’t lifted. Your partner still seems distant, guarded. And that familiar pull toward acting out behaviors hasn’t disappeared—it’s just
Trauma Bonds: Why You Can’t "Just Leave" (And How to Actually Do It)
Introduction
Breaking a trauma bond is not about willpower or “just leaving”—it’s a neurological uncoupling process where your brain’s hijacked reward and attachment systems must be gradually rewired to diminish the intense emotional pull toward your abuser. Trauma bonds are a strong emotional attachment that forms through cycles of abuse and manipulation, making it difficult to recognize the unhe
Trauma Bonding: The Biology Behind Why You Stay After Betrayal
You know what they did. You can list every lie, every late night, every moment you were gaslit into doubting your own gut. And still your body wakes at 3 a.m. reaching for them. You feel insane. You are not insane. You are caught in a betrayal bond, and what you are experiencing is a documented physiological response that has nothing to do with weakness.
A betrayal bond is the neurochemical and e
Trauma Bonding: The Biology of Why We Stay
Safety Disclaimer
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Domestic violence is a life-threatening situation. The most dangerous time is often when you attempt to leave—75% of DV murders occur after the victim tries to separate from their abuser.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
This resource is available 24/7 with trained advocates who understand trauma bonding and can h
Trauma Bonding: The Chains Keeping You Stuck
If you feel “crazy” for missing someone who hurts you, or “addicted” to a person you know is harmful, you are not broken. Your brain is responding the way brains tend to respond to a very specific pattern of fear and affection.
A trauma bond is a powerful emotional attachment that forms between a person being abused and their abuser, built through repeated cycles of harm fo
Betrayal Trauma and the Brain: Symptoms, Science, and Recovery
You haven’t been the same since you found out. You read the texts, or sat through the disclosure, or saw the screen, and something inside you broke that you can’t quite name. People keep telling you to “process it” or “give it time,” and you nod, because what else are you supposed to do. But sleep won’t come. Food has no taste. You replay the same sixty se
12 Hidden Signs of Childhood Trauma ACEs in Adult Life
Childhood trauma and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) frequently manifest in adult life through patterns so subtle that many people never connect them to their early years. These hidden signs operate beneath conscious awareness, shaping relationships, health, and self-perception in ways that feel entirely normal to those experiencing them—until they recognize the pattern.
The prevalence of chi
Understanding and Calming Hypervigilance: Grounding Techniques for Feeling Safe
Introduction
Understanding and calming hypervigilance through grounding techniques for feeling safe involves learning specific strategies that help regulate your nervous system while maintaining necessary environmental awareness. This guide immediately addresses the importance of grounding techniques for feeling safe, ensuring you have practical tools to manage heightened states of alertness. When
Marriage Conflict: What Is Your Fighting Style?
“How couples argue and disagree about issues appears to be more consequential to the success of marriage than what they argue about or how often they experience conflicts.”
To reword the above quote taken from an article by Hanzal and Segrin in the Journal of Family Communication, you could simply say “how we fight has far more influence on the future of our marriage, than what we fight about”.
Th
Gaslighting Explained: The Ultimate Guide to What It Is, Why It Happens, and How to Stop It
"I’m not crazy... am I?"
If you have ever asked yourself this question after a conversation with your partner, you might be trapped in the fog of gaslighting. In this episode, Clinical Director Caleb Simonyi-Gindele and host Verlynda break down one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse.
Gaslighting isn't just lying; it is a systematic dismantling of your reality. We discuss:
The Red Fl
Is My Spouse a Sex Addict? Understanding This Massive Challenge and Reclaiming Your Marriage
Discovering that your partner might be struggling with sex addiction can feel overwhelming and frightening. You may be experiencing confusion, deep hurt, or uncertainty about your next steps. If you’re asking yourself, “Is my partner a sex addict?” this article is here to provide you with the understanding and clarity you deserve during this difficult time.
Sexual addiction, also
Loving a Sexual Abuse Survivor: A Partner’s Practical Guide
Loving a spouse who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is a unique and challenging journey. Many partners feel lost, confused, and alone, struggling to understand the trauma's impact on intimacy, trust, and even everyday affection. You want to help, but where do you even begin?
In this episode, Caleb sits down with Mary Demuth—author, speaker, and survivor herself—to create a compassio
Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Singing Voice?
Expert therapist and vocalist Ron de Jager reveals how unresolved trauma manifests as vocal blocks and performance anxiety—and shares the path to setting your voice free.
### **iTunes Summary / Show Notes**
Have you ever felt like your voice is trapped? For many performers, persistent vocal blocks, stage fright, and performance anxiety aren't just technical issues—they're echoes of past trauma h
How Do I Know When My Marriage Is Beyond Repair?
Feeling like your marriage is broken is an incredibly painful and isolating experience. But does it mean it's truly beyond repair? In this episode, Therapevo's expert therapists, Verlynda and Caleb, provide a comprehensive and compassionate roadmap for couples who feel lost.
They break down Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen"—the critical communication patterns that predict divorce—and discuss the
Symptoms of Pornography Withdrawal: A Complete Guide to What to Expect
Key Takeaways
Pornography withdrawal can cause both psychological symptoms (anxiety, depression, irritability) and physical symptoms (insomnia, fatigue, headaches), commonly referred to as porn addiction withdrawal symptoms (PAWS).
The most common porn withdrawal symptoms include intense cravings, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, and sleep disturbances that typically peak within the first w
Porn Addiction Recovery: How Long Does It Really Take?
Why Porn Addiction Recovery Takes Longer Than You Think
If you or someone you love is struggling with compulsive pornography use, you probably want to know one thing: how long is this going to take? It’s a fair question, and it deserves an honest answer.
Porn addiction recovery is absolutely possible. We see it in our counseling practice regularly. But lasting recovery is not just about stopping t
Understanding and Navigating a Controlling Spouse
What if I told you that the people who seem the most controlling are often the ones who feel the most out of control on the inside? This paradox is a profound truth frequently encountered in couple’s counseling. That constant need your spouse might have to check who you’re texting, manage your schedule, or question your spending—it’s almost never really about you. Instead, it’s a coping mechanism,
What Do I Tell My Wife About My Affair? A Guide to Disclosure and Healing
Disclosing an affair is one of the most critical and challenging conversations a husband can have with his wife. When mishandled, this revelation will certainly extend the healing process and possibly could mean the end of the marriage. However, for those who genuinely want to save their relationship and show as much care to their betrayed partner as possible, there are ways to approach this conve
The Truth About Male Desire: Debunking 4 Common Myths
Uncover the surprising truth about male desire. We debunk 4 common myths, revealing how emotional connection and shared history truly fuel men's intimacy.
Uncover Truth: Female Desire Beyond Myths
Beyond myths! Latest research reveals the truth about female sexuality, libido, and desire. Empower your relationships with science-backed insights.
Can Your Brain Recover from Porn Addiction? The Science of Relapse, Shame, and Healing
Yes, your brain can recover from porn addiction. The neurological changes that pornography creates are real, but they are not permanent. The same brain plasticity that allowed the addiction to form in the first place is what makes recovery possible. We work with people every week who are living proof of this.
But here is what most articles about porn addiction recovery won’t tell you: the pr
End The Cycle: Healing Childhood Trauma
Discover how childhood trauma shapes your adult life. Uncover hidden signs, understand its impact on relationships & career, and find your path to healing.
Why Do I Keep Attracting Toxic People? Flipping the Script on Relationship Patterns
Do you find yourself repeatedly involved with people who leave you feeling drained, confused, or questioning yourself? Have you ever wondered, “Why do I keep attracting toxic people?” If so, you’re not alone.
This question often places the blame squarely on your shoulders, leading to significant self-blame and shame, especially if you’ve been harmed repeatedly. But here
Navigating the Storm: Initial Steps After Discovering Partner Betrayal
After betrayal or infidelity, protect your mental health. Learn 7 urgent trauma steps to cope with shock, find support, & start healing now.
Infidelity vs. Sex Addiction: How to Tell the Difference
If you’ve just discovered something that shattered your trust, one of the first questions you need answered is whether you’re dealing with infidelity or sex addiction. The distinction matters more than most people realize, because the two problems look similar on the surface but operate on completely different mechanisms, and the path to healing depends on getting the right answer. Whe
The Art of Healthy Boundaries
Stop feeling guilty! Learn to set healthy boundaries correctly in relationships & life. Avoid manipulation, handle reactions, and protect yourself.
How to Tell If You Have PTSD – The Signs You Need to Watch For
12 Leading Symptoms of Complex PTSD:
Affiliate link for Dr. van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score: https://amzn.to/41YOT0J
1. Constant feeling of unsafety and hypervigilance.
2. Inability to relax, leading to bodily tension and discomfort with practices like meditation or yoga.
3. Difficulty sleeping, often waking up in high alert.
4. Negative self-image, including feelings of self-hatre
Five Fundamentals of Good Marriage Communication
Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse where you just couldn’t get through to them? You’re trying to explain something, but they’re either not listening or completely misunderstanding you. Or maybe a small miscommunication turned into a bigger argument, leaving you wondering, “What just happened?”
Here, we break down the five key fundamentals that make marriage communication strong, cle
NEWS RELEASE: Life Update for Caleb & Verlynda, plus rebranding and new shows coming!
Welcome Back: Where We’ve Been and What’s Next for the Podcast
In our 280th episode, we provide an update after a five-year hiatus!
We discuss our personal experiences, including burnout, career changes, and coping with the pandemic. The episode covers the transition from our old OnlyYouForever brand to the new Therapevo Counselling brand, highlighting the expanded focus on diverse c
Why Is My Spouse So Controlling?
We’re here to talk
There’s a level of control that occurs in relatively few marriages that we would see as part of an abusive power and control dynamic. But then there’s a lower level of control that doesn’t come from an abusive spouse that can still be frustrating and lead to conflict in the marriage.
We’ve talked about the abusive kind of control before, so if you want to learn more about
Defining Emotionally Abusive Behavior
This is a subject we’ve wanted to address for some time. We see some irony in the work we do with couples or individuals when it comes to abuse. Often, though not always, people who are in a relationship with a truly abusive person do not realize it. On the other hand, couples who are in high conflict often label the other person as abusive when they are not really an abusive person, although they
How Do I Know When/If I Can Trust My Spouse After Betrayal?
How do I know if I can trust my spouse again? This question represents one of the most profound dilemmas a betrayed spouse will struggle with as they journey towards healing after a significant betrayal. How do I know I’m not going to get hurt again? How do I know I’m not just being a fool to trust him or her? Trust is so easy to break and so hard to build: today we’d like to give you more insight
The 5 Pillars of Attachment
The five pillars of attachment are felt safety, attunement, soothing, expressed delight, and support for becoming one’s unique best self. They are the core attachment needs every child requires from a caregiver, and every adult continues to need from a spouse. The framework comes from the seminal attachment textbook Attachment Disturbances in Adults by Daniel P. Brown and David S. Elliott (W
How To Balance Parenting and Marriage (Even During a Pandemic)
Did you know that the research shows that marriage takes a hit when you have kids? One author reported in 2005 that an analysis of 90 different research studies showed the drop in marital satisfaction is a shocking 42% larger among the current generation than their predecessors. A more recent study from 2016 showed that 67% of couples reported a decline in relationship happiness for up to three ye
How to Confront Your Husband About His Pornography Addiction
Reasonably often, we get inquiries from a wife whose husband is addicted to pornography and he won’t do anything about it. In this article we want to help you prepare for that first serious confrontation where you have a very deliberate conversation about this problem and how it is impacting you as his wife.
Understanding Denial
It’s almost inevitable that you are going to run into some level of
Coronavirus and Your Marriage
Well, we live in unprecedented times as many of us are adjusting to a global crisis. We are recording this episode in the middle of the 2020 Coronavirus pandemic, with some of our listeners in cities in full lock-down and others nervously awaiting the community spread of this disease. Certainly, it has created considerable stress and new issues to negotiate. Today, we’d like to help you understand
Infidelity Disclosure: What to Include and How to Prepare
If you have decided to disclose an affair to your spouse, you are probably looking for a concrete answer to one question: what do I actually need to tell them? A thoughtful infidelity disclosure covers seven specific elements: the type and extent of the betrayal, who the other person was, where and when the contact happened, how often, whether there are health implications from any sexual contact,
6 Porn Groups To Help Your Recovery
If you are trying to break a pornography addiction, one of the best things you can do is to find a group that you can join in addition to doing individual counselling. Fortunately, there are a number of great options out there to choose from depending on what is available in your area or whether or not you are looking for something that fits with your faith/beliefs or your goals for sobriety. Toda
Responding to The Rage of Your Betrayed Spouse
If you have betrayed your spouse and disclosed that betrayal to them, one thing you will have become very aware of is the rage that betrayal can cause. In our experience in working with couples, many people who are working through their own infidelity and trying to recover their marriage find that they aren’t sure how to respond to this rage or what to do with it.
Today we are going to look at wh
How Self-Compassion Can Help Your Marriage
Compassion is probably something that you find harder to provide for yourself than for others. However, did you know that self-compassion can help your marriage? Yes, we often talk about what you could and should give to your spouse in marriage, but today we want to talk about the need for self-compassion and how beneficial that can be both for yourself and for your marriage.
In Western culture,
How Much Detail to Share When Disclosing Infidelity: 4 Things to Avoid
Disclosing an affair is a terrifying but crucial step toward healing a marriage. This episode provides guidance on how to navigate this difficult conversation with honesty and care. We'll cover the four key things to avoid when revealing infidelity, such as staggered disclosure and blame-shifting, which can cause further trauma. Learn how to take responsibility for your actions, understand the im
Overwhelmed or Flooded? Here’s How To Calm Down During Conflict
If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed during conflict, then this article is for you. We describe the psychological experience of flooding: when you white out or shut down or get hijacked by your own emotions. Usually, this happens during a fight with your spouse and it never helps resolve the issue you’re facing. In this article, we talk about what flooding is and how you can calm yourself
When Your Spouse Is Too Friendly With the Opposite Sex
We’re here to talk
If you are married, it’s more than likely that you’ve had a discussion with your spouse at some point about a friendship between one of you and someone outside your marriage. So, what about those opposite-sex friendships? Are they healthy or are they dangerous? Should we avoid them at all costs or take them on a case by case basis? How much friendliness with the opposite
Why You Might Be Experiencing Pain During Sex (for Husbands)
Four episodes back we addressed the topic of pain during sex for women and that show received a lot of downloads. Today we return to the topic but this time for men. Sexual issues like this can be difficult to figure out and often people just don’t even know who to ask, so they struggle alone. We hope this will be the start of getting help for anyone who is struggling with pain during sex so that
How Pornography Affects Wives: What Husbands Need to Understand
When your wife finds out you’ve been using porn, she isn’t overreacting and she isn’t making it up. Her nervous system is responding to a betrayal wound the same way it would respond to any other relational trauma. This article is for husbands who want to understand what their wife is actually going through, and why her healing depends on more than your apology. We work with this
When Family Visits Are Traumatic
What do you do when you’re going to see family for the holidays or on a vacation and you know that not everybody is in that healthy place where they’re going to be able to show you, your spouse and kids respect and care? So many of our listeners — if they want to spend time with family — know ahead of time that it’s not likely to go well. How can we prepare and protect ourselves when this is the
Husband Takes Me for Granted: Why It Happens and What to Do
If you find yourself thinking, “my husband takes me for granted,” you are not being dramatic or ungrateful. You are naming something real. The noticing itself matters, and it is usually the first honest signal that something in the relationship needs attention.
When a wife feels taken for granted, she is usually describing a slow accumulation: the effort she puts in has stopped being s
Why You May Be Experiencing Pain During Sex (for Wives)
If you experience pain during sex, you are certainly not alone. Pain during sex is called dyspareunia, and research shows that about 7% of women experience pain it.[1] Of those 7%, about one-quarter of them reported that the pain had been occurring frequently or every time they had intercourse over at least 6 months. Today, we’d like to look at some of the most common causes so that if you’re expe
Betrayed By Your Wife? 5 Things You Need to Do
Back in episode 209, we did a show on the five things you need to know if you’ve been betrayed by your husband. Today we want to look at the experience of a husband who has been betrayed. Men and women both experience betrayal, but have different ways of responding to it.
Betrayal trauma is the result of a shocking disclosure of a relational breach, whether that’s unfaithfulness or some other fo
Why Physical Touch Matters in Marriage (and How to Rebuild It)
Picture an ordinary Tuesday. Your wife is at the stove, and you walk past, resting your hand briefly between her shoulder blades. Three seconds. No words. That small piece of contact is doing more for your marriage than most couples realize.
Physical touch is one of the first senses we develop, and it never stops being a primary channel of intimacy in adult love. It is also the channel that erodes
How Retirement Affects Marriage
Transitioning from full-time employment into retirement is naturally going to impact both your life and your marriage. Retirement comes with lots of changes, and there are ups and downs to the process. Whether you have parents going through this, you’re coming up to retirement, or you have recently retired, there’s lots to learn about how to handle the changes that come with moving into retirement
Attachment Style and Porn Addiction: How They’re Connected
If you or your spouse is working through recovery from porn or sex addiction, you have probably noticed that the problem runs deeper than the behavior itself. There is a reason for that. Research consistently shows that attachment style plays a significant role in who develops compulsive sexual behavior and why. In a landmark 2008 study, Zapf, Greiner, and Carroll found that over 80% of men with s
Why You Really Need to Consider Emotional Labour in Your Marriage
Emotional labour is a significant part of a couple’s relationship. Emotional labour was first coined by the sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her book, The Managed Heart (1983)[1]. She defined it as the work of managing your own emotions, but the term has been expanded to looking at the overall burden of managing or carrying emotions in a marriage and/or family context. You’ll probably be aware in y
Secure Attachment in Marriage
Secure attachment is foundational for strong marriages where both partners feel safe and secure. In the past three episodes, we’ve been looking at different styles of attachment that are born out of difficult childhood experiences. Today, we are considering the fourth style, secure attachment, which is really the goal that those of us with these other styles are striving for. Only about 46% of the
