You Are Not Crazy
This podcast helps listeners understand emotional abuse, coercive control, narcissistic relationships, and trauma bonds. Hosted by emotional abuse coach and survivor Jessica Knight, it explains patterns like gaslighting, manipulation, and intermittent reinforcement. The show aims to help people stop doubting themselves and rebuild clarity, stability, and self-trust. It is especially relevant for those leaving or recovering from emotionally abusive relationships, navigating divorce or post-separation abuse, or co-parenting with a high-conflict partner.
Episodes
Why I Stopped Trying to Decode Them
Sponsored recommendation:Growing in Love for Life
In this episode I talk about why emotionally abusive and coercive controlling relationships feel so disorienting, and why you end up spending so much time trying to decode behavior that was never actually confusing to begin with. I explain why the through line in these relationships is power and control, not love or stress or a bad day, and why in
Withdrawal, Not Grief: Understanding the Trauma Bond
Sponsored recommendation:Growing in Love for Life
This episode is a reframe. If you have already learned what a trauma bond is and how it forms, this is not that episode. This is about the specific pain of healing from one, and why that pain is so often misread as grief when it is actually withdrawal.I walk through the difference between grieving something real and healthy versus craving a chemic
Dating After Abuse: Why My Answer Is "Traumatized"
Sponsored recommendation:Growing in Love for Life
Someone recently asked if I'm dating, and my honest answer was "traumatized." In this episode I talk about why that word fits better than a simple yes or no, why a recent connection activated me so quickly, and why my nervous system goes numb instead of excited at the thought of dating.I get into how healing recalibrates the way we
When Co-Parenting Isn't Safe: The Case for Parallel Parenting
Sponsored recommendation:Growing in Love for Life
I break down why parallel parenting is a communication strategy built specifically for high-conflict dynamics, not a failure of one. I talk about what it actually looks like in practice: handling your own parenting time independently, limiting contact to essential topics, and removing the opportunities a high-conflict co-parent uses to twist your
Why Closure Is a Myth with Najwa Zebian
Najwa Zebian returns for a second conversation, and this one picks up exactly where the first left off.Her new book, The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You, comes out August 25th, and we talk through what it actually means to take responsibility for your own healing without slipping into self-blame.We cover why setting boundaries with controlling people tends to make things worse before it gets
Pattern Blindness: Why No One Believes You Until It's Too Late
In this episode I break down pattern blindness, one of the least talked about reasons survivors stay stuck in self-doubt. I explain why family court and even well-meaning friends tend to evaluate coercive control one incident at a time rather than seeing the system those incidents create together. I talk about my own experience trying to name what was happening in a past relationship, why the cycl
The Angry Daughter in Love
In this episode, I return to the angry daughter — but this time, I look at what happens when she tries to love someone. The survival skills that kept her intact in her family of origin are the same ones that quietly work against her in relationships. She over-functions. She holds everything together. She mistakes someone's performed pain for depth, and she chases validation in ways she can&ap
The Angry Daughter
In this episode, I reflect on what it actually means to be the angry daughter — the scapegoat, the truth-teller, the one who names what others refuse to see. Drawing from my own childhood and my experience as a mother, I trace the way systems assign their tension to one person, teach her not to trust herself, and then use her exhaustion against her. This episode is for anyone who has ever been tol
Why You Keep Saying Sorry (Even When You Did Nothing Wrong)
In this episode, I'm talking about why self-blame becomes almost automatic when you've been in an emotionally abusive or coercively controlling relationship, and why it feels like relief even when it's actually costing you.I get into the nervous system science behind it, specifically how fawning works, how your brain gets wired to connect calm with compliance, and why that wiring do
You Were Never the Problem with Najwa Zebian
If you have ever walked away from a relationship, or a parent, or a childhood, and still found yourself waiting for the person who hurt you to finally acknowledge what they did, this episode is going to reach something in you.Najwa Zebian is a writer, speaker, and the host of the podcast Beyond Words. Her work has reached millions of people around the world, and her new book is called The One Who
How Coercive Controllers Use Timing to Keep You in Their Orbit
In this episode, I'm talking about something I call the Saturday text. It's never Tuesday at 10 AM when your coffee is warm and you're mentally ready. It's always when you've finally exhaled, and I want to explain why that timing is never an accident.I go deep into the way dysregulation gets used as a delivery mechanism of coercive control, including what the person sendin
What Coercive Control Does to Your Time
There is a particular kind of loss that doesn't get talked about enough when you leave a coercive relationship, and it isn't the loss of the person. On some level, that was survival. The loss I am talking about is quieter and stranger than that. It's the loss of your own mind, entire summers, thousands of small moments that were technically yours but that you never actually lived.In
I Didn't Know I Was Still Holding My Breath
Some healing doesn't come from therapy or from doing the work in the way you expect it to. Sometimes it comes from watching your team win the NBA finals.In this episode, I'm sharing something personalL what the Knicks winning the 2026 championship actually did to me, and why I wasn't prepared for it. This win cracked something open that I didn't know was still there, and I&apos
It Shouldn't Feel This Confusing: Naming the Cycle of Abuse
You know something is wrong, you just cannot name it yet. In this episode, I walk through the cycle of abuse — tension building, explosion, reconciliation, and the illusion of calm — and explain why that cycle is exactly what keeps you hooked. I break down what a trauma bond is, how intermittent reinforcement conditions your nervous system to crave the person who is hurting you, and why your confu
When Love Feels Like a Hostage Situation
If you have ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, apologizing for things that made no sense, or grieving a version of someone who seemed to disappear, this episode is for you. I am revisiting one of the most listened-to episodes BPD in romantic relationships with two more years of client work, research, and personal processing behind me.I break down what borderline personality disorder act
How Manipulators Use Words to Maintain Control
I break down some of the most insidious and subtle ways abusers use language to dominate the narrative and erode your sense of reality.I walk you through five distinct patterns of weaponized communication: emotional manipulation disguised as vulnerability, defensiveness used as a silencing tool, blame-shifting hidden behind false equivalence, coercion dressed up as ultimatums, and silence deployed
The Underpinning of All Abuse: Coercive Control with Dr. Christine Cocchiola
Dr. Christine Cocchiola is back, and this conversation goes deep. Dr. Christine is a coercive control specialist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author who trained under the godfather of coercive control, Dr. Evan Stark.In this episode, we get into what coercive control actually is: not a form of abuse, but the underpinning of all abuse. That distinction matters more than most people realize, especi
When Co-Parenting Becomes Coercive Control
If you've ever felt like you're doing everything right — showing up, advocating, holding it together — and still somehow ending up as the problem, this episode is for you.Int his episode, I get honest about what it actually feels like to be in the cycle: the exhaustion of defending yourself against false narratives, the way every act of good parenting gets twisted into evidence against y
I'm Not Fucked Up, I'm Detoxing
If you've ever thought "what is wrong with me?" after leaving a toxic relationship — this episode is for you. I break down why the anxiety, hypervigilance, and panic that show up after you leave aren't signs that you're damaged. They're signs that your nervous system did exactly what it was trained to do. I walk you through the difference between anxious attachment an
Walking on Razor Blades: Life with Someone with BPD Description
BPD is often misunderstood, reduced to stereotypes of moodiness or drama — but if you've loved someone with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you know it feels nothing like that. In this episode, I break down what it actually looks like to be in a relationship with someone who splits, who swings from adoring you to discarding you in an instant, and how you slowly begin to disappear i
How I Actually Healed (And Why It Didn't Look the Way I Expected)
People ask me how I healed all the time, and the honest answer is that there is no clean framework I can hand you. In this episode, I share the specific practices that actually made a difference for me — and they are not always the ones you would expect. I talk about why I stopped healing on everyone else's timeline, how I gave myself permission to grieve on a schedule as a single parent, and
What I Did When I Couldn't Trust My Own Mind
Before I knew what a trauma bond was, I was hiding my phone under my mattress. I deleted his number, wrote it on a piece of paper, folded it into a journal, and made myself work to find it. At the time I thought I was being ridiculous. Looking back, I was surviving. In this episode, I talk about what it actually looks like to break a trauma bond when you can't go cold turkey — the messy, impe
BPD Splitting in Relationships: What It Feels Like and How to Heal
If you've ever felt adored one moment and suddenly on the wrong side of a wall you didn't see coming, this episode is for you.I open with my own experience of being in a relationship where warmth could vanish in an instant — where I replayed conversations trying to find the moment I slipped, and where I slowly became someone whose entire focus was managing another person's emotional
Why They Never See It: The Psychology Behind Why Personality-Disordered People Don't Know They're the Problem
If you've ever wondered why the person who hurt you seems completely unbothered — even convinced they did nothing wrong — this episode is for you.I break down why people with personality disorders genuinely don't experience themselves as disordered, how shame avoidance rewrites their reality, and why no amount of explaining, evidence, or emotional appeals will get them to "see it.&q
Pattern Recognition vs. The Blame Game
There's a difference between someone naming a pattern to seek resolution and someone digging up the past to dodge accountability. If you've ever tried to address what's not working in your relationship and ended up defending yourself instead, this episode is for you. We talk about what healthy accountability actually looks like — and how to recognize when someone is rewriting histor
When Mental Illness Becomes an Excuse for Abuse
This month’s Patreon episode dives into a theme that kept surfacing in your questions: When does mental illness explain behavior… and when does it become an excuse?Before answering your submissions, I break down what we actually mean when we talk about pathological abuse — repeated patterns rooted in personality structure, not just “a bad fight” or poor communication. We explore coercive control,
How I Help Clients Untangle High-Conflict Divorce
In this episode, I share what it’s really like to support clients through the chaos of high-conflict divorce — when legal processes, endless emails, and contradictory communication make it nearly impossible to think clearly. I talk about how I help clients slow things down, organize what’s actually happening, and find stability in the middle of emotional and legal overwhelm.I also share how confus
“No One Sees It” — The Pattern of Covert Abuse (And Why the System Misses It)
“No one sees it. They just think he’s nice.”If you are in a high-conflict divorce or co-parenting dynamic, you probably feel this in your bones.One of the hardest parts of covert abuse is that the “nice” isn’t safe. The "helpfulness" isn’t genuine. It’s strategic. When you are the only one seeing it and reacting to it, you start questioning yourself.In this episode, I talk about what it’
Wanting Them to Change Isn’t Abuse - Interview with Paul Colaianni
One of the most painful and confusing questions survivors ask is this:“If I want them to change… how is that different from them wanting me to change?”On the surface, it sounds the same. Two people. Both asking for change. But it is not the same.In this episode, I’m joined again by Paul Colaianni of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse to unpack the critical difference between wanting harm to
“Why Do I Feel Crazy?” — Life Inside a Trauma Bond
This episode puts words to what a trauma bond feels like before there is language for it. The quiet erosion. The logic loops. The way your needs slowly become “too much.” The way calm, rational explanations are used to invalidate your emotional reality. The way you start rehearsing conversations, monitoring your tone, silencing yourself, and shrinking—just to keep the peace.This is not a story abo
When Leaving Feels Impossible: The Hidden Reality of Loving Someone With Untreated BPD
Leaving a relationship with someone who has untreated borderline personality traits can feel less like a breakup and more like trying to escape a locked room while being told you’re the one causing the fire.In this episode, I speak directly to the people who are rarely centered in these conversations: the partners who have been living inside someone else’s emotional emergency. The ones who learned
Why They Feel Fine After the Blowup—and You Don’t
In this episode, I talk about what happens after the fight, the discard, or the emotional explosion, and why the aftermath hits you so much harder than it seems to hit them.I break down a pattern I see constantly in emotionally abusive, high-conflict, and narcissistic dynamics: one person unloads their rage, shame, blame, or dysregulation, and then walks away feeling lighter—while the other person
Emotional Whiplash, Hypervigilance, and the BPD Cycle of Abuse
How do you survive—and eventually recognize—the BPD cycle of abuse, especially when you are already exhausted, confused, and questioning yourself.In this episode, I break down the cycle as it actually unfolds in real life: The intense honeymoon phase, the sudden emotional whiplash, the accusations and character attacks, the breakups and reconciliations, and the long stretch of chaos that keeps you
When They Say You Can’t Communicate
If you’ve ever been told you “can’t communicate” — especially by someone who constantly twists your words or refuses to take accountability — this episode will help you see what’s really happening. I break breaks down how abusers weaponize communication to destabilize you, create confusion, and control the narrative. You’ll learn why phrases like “you’re too blunt” or “you don’t make sense” are of
Letting Go of the Why
When you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship, the need for clarity can feel all-consuming. You want to know why they did what they did — why they lied, withdrew, or turned cold. You believe that if you can just understand their behavior, you’ll finally be able to find peace.Clarity from someone who manipulates and distorts reality rarely exists — at least not in the way survivors hope i
The Blame Game: A Key Tactic in the Cycle of Emotional Abuse
This episode unpacks what happens when speaking your truth gets twisted into a blame game. You finally name the pattern—gaslighting, neglect, constant eggshells—only to have the conversation hijacked. Suddenly you’re defending a mistake from years ago, a text tone, or an unrelated incident. Instead of accountability, you’re trapped in deflection, false equivalency, and emotional erasure.Jessica br
When Co-Parenting Messages Make You Doubt Yourself
In this episode, I talk about a communication pattern that so many people experience in emotionally abusive and high-conflict relationships—but rarely have language for.It’s the moment when a message sounds reasonable on paper, calm in tone, even “child-focused”… and yet your body reacts immediately.I walk through what’s happening when someone says all the right things while doing the opposite—hid
How Do I Stop Second Guessing Myself After Leaving an Abusive Relationship?
After leaving an abusive relationship, it’s common to find yourself stuck in an exhausting loop of self-doubt. You replay conversations. You question your memory. You wonder if you overreacted—or if maybe it wasn’t that bad.In this episode, I break down why second-guessing yourself after abuse isn’t a flaw—it’s a survival response. I talk about how abusers train you to distrust your own perception
The Holiday Breakdown: Why High-Conflict Co-Parenting Becomes Unbearable
This episode is about why everything feels harder, louder, and more urgent during the holidays when you’re navigating high-conflict divorce or co-parenting with a controlling or volatile person. Why situations that felt barely manageable in October suddenly feel explosive in December. Why your body feels like it’s bracing for impact every single day. And why so many parents reach a breaking point
When “How to Treat a Man” Teaches Women to Disappear
I unpack a viral TikTok that has been shared hundreds of thousands of times—and why its message is far more dangerous than it first appears.On the surface, the video presents itself as “relationship advice” about how women can keep men happy. In reality, it reinforces coercive control, sexual entitlement, and the idea that women are responsible for regulating men’s emotions, egos, and loyalty—ofte
Instead of Resolutions, I Do This
In this episode, I’m sharing a simple end-of-year practice I’ve returned to every year since 2017—one that has nothing to do with resolutions, goals, or fixing yourself.It started in a yoga class on New Year’s Eve, during a time when my life was quietly falling apart. I was deeply depressed, circling the truth that I needed to leave my marriage, and trying to survive day to day. The exercise was s
Dreading the New Year Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing
This episode is not about fresh starts, resolutions, or manifesting a better year.It’s for the people who feel heavy, uneasy, or scared as the year changes.I’m sharing honestly about what the end of the year felt like for me when my life didn’t feel safe—when I was still inside emotionally abusive relationships, even though I didn’t have that language yet. I talk about the dread that replaced refl
The Holidays, the Cycle of Abuse, and the Moment You Finally See It
The holiday season has a way of revealing what we’ve been trying to ignore. When the pressure to perform, host, or appear “happy” collides with the chaos of an emotionally abusive relationship, everything that’s been buried rises to the surface.In this episode, I unpack why abuse patterns intensify around the holidays — and how to recognize the moment you finally see the cycle for what it is.I als
Why the Holidays Feel Heavy (Even When You’ve Left)
This episode explores what happens when the holidays don’t feel magical—when they instead trigger memories of tension, performance, and survival. I reflect on how November and December can awaken body memories of chaos, control, and grief, even years after leaving an abusive relationship.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, ju
Double Speak: When Coercive Control Hides Behind "Concern"
In this episode, I talk about one of the most confusing and insidious forms of manipulation survivors face in high-conflict relationships and co-parenting: Double Speak.It’s that moment when control hides behind concern — when an email, message, or conversation sounds calm and reasonable to everyone else, but your body knows something is off. It’s when someone says, “I just want what’s best for ou
“You’re the Only One Who Has a Problem With Me”
In today’s episode, we’re unpacking a phrase almost every survivor has heard at some point: “You’re the only one who has a problem with me.”It’s one of the most subtle yet powerful forms of emotional manipulation — the kind that makes you question your reality, your reactions, and even your goodness. When someone says this, they aren’t giving you perspective — they’re stripping you of credibility.
When Everything Feels Like a Misunderstanding
Abusers often hide behind confusion — denying intent, twisting reality, and framing your hurt as an overreaction. What starts as a simple disagreement turns into you questioning your memory, your emotions, and your sanity. I share how this pattern plays out in everyday moments, from small promises broken to emotional gaslighting that keeps survivors trapped in cycles of guilt and self-doubt.If you
How to Document DARVO in Family Court
This episode builds off of last weeks where I disussed DARVO in Family Court. I cover exactly how to capture DARVO behavior in a way that lawyers, GALs, and court professionals can actually understand.You’ll learn how to:Identify the denial, attack, and role reversal phases in real-time.Translate emotional chaos into factual, court-readable documentation.Recognize when the abuser is using the lega
When the Court Feels Like the Abuser: Family Court Awareness Month and the Fight for Safety
November is Family Court Awareness Month, a time to shed light on a system that too often fails to protect survivors and their children. In this episode, I explore what happens when a court system that frequently reframes abuse as “conflict,” rewards manipulation, and punishes protective parents for trying to keep their kids safe.I walk through:What Family Court Awareness Month is and why it matte
DARVO in Divorce — When the Abuser Becomes the “Victim”
If you’ve ever felt like your abuser managed to twist the truth so completely that you ended up defending yourself against their behavior — this episode is for you.Today, I’m breaking down DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — and how it shows up in divorce and custody cases. DARVO is psychological warfare disguised as concern. It’s the reason you end up explaining, over and over, wh
When You Become the Villain in Their Story
Not every discard looks like a dramatic blow-up. Sometimes it comes quietly — through silence, stonewalling, and indifference. That kind of ending can be even more destabilizing, because it leaves no scene to point to, only the hollow feeling that something is over.This episode unpacks what it means to be discarded in this way, how it twists reality and casts you as the villain, and why holding yo
How Do I Stop Craving Them? And Have They Really Changed?
This week, I’m sharing a private Q&A episode usually reserved for my Patreon and Substack members. I wanted to make this one public because it speaks to something so many survivors struggle with: the pull of the trauma bond, the shame that lingers, and the confusion around whether someone has truly changed.In this episode, I answer two powerful listener questions:1️⃣ How do I stop the shame an
Abusers Don’t See Themselves as Abusers
I explain how abusers redefine what abuse is, minimize their actions, and use comparisons to “someone worse” as a shield from accountability. I break down how they weaponize therapeutic language, flip the script so boundaries look like cruelty, and create a public image that leaves survivors questioning their own reality.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services
You’re Not Crazy—You’re Trauma Bonded
Trauma bonds aren’t about shared hardship or difficult experiences. They’re cycles of abuse and relief that hook your brain and body like an addiction. That’s why it feels impossible to just “get over it.”In this episode, I break down what trauma bonding really is—and what it isn’t. I talk about how intermittent reinforcement keeps survivors stuck, why naming it matters, and why treating it like a
False Accountability and the Control Behind It
Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance.This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting
You Can’t Talk to Your Lawyer Like They’re Your Friend
Family court is a system that doesn’t run on empathy — and that can be one of the hardest realities for survivors to face. In this episode, I share the lessons I’ve learned about communicating with attorneys while navigating years of custody battles and post-separation abuse.You’ll hear why sending every message, email, or update in real time can backfire, how to frame patterns in a way that lawye
What I Learned from Loving a Narcissist (Even Though It Nearly Broke Me)
When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why
High-Conflict Divorce and Co-Parenting
This episode takes a deep dive into the realities of co-parenting and divorcing a high-conflict person. I answer some of the most common questions I hear from survivors—like how to handle manipulation of your child, what to do when the other parent lies about you, what parallel parenting really looks like, and how to survive smear campaigns and legal abuse.You’ll hear the patterns I see over and o
Inside the Trauma Bond: Why I Couldn’t Leave (and How I Finally Did)
I’m sharing the truth about a trauma bond I was in—how it formed, why I stayed, and what it took to finally break free. This isn’t a highlight reel or a neatly packaged story. It’s the messy reality of living in a cycle of harm and hope, of being pulled in and pushed away, of mistaking control for care.If you’ve ever been asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?”—or asked yourself the same thing—I want
Craving Relief: Why Trauma Bonds Feel Impossible to Break
When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why
How to Work With Me: Coaching, Courses, and What’s Ahead
This episode is a little different. Instead of diving into a specific topic, I’m sharing updates, announcements, and all the ways you can work with me.If you’re new here—or wondering what I offer beyond the podcast—you’ll hear about:Upcoming divorce-focused episodes and why I’m expanding the podcast to include them.My Substack and daily writing for survivors.Self-paced courses on emotional abuse,
The Cycle of Sexual Coercion
Sexual coercion is one of the most misunderstood and silenced forms of abuse. It’s not seduction. It’s not miscommunication. It’s pressure, guilt, manipulation, and punishment used to get sex when you’ve already said no, shown hesitation, or felt unsafe. It’s not about intimacy—it’s about power and control.This is a bonus episode from Unhooked—my private podcast series for survivors breaking free
The “Nice” Version Isn’t Proof They’ve Changed
They’re kind again… so does that mean they’ve changed? In this episode, we unpack why the “nice” version is part of the abuse cycle — and how to tell the difference between real change and a calculated reset.One of the most confusing parts of an emotionally abusive relationship is when the cruelty suddenly stops — and the “nice” version of the person shows up. Maybe they’re warmer, calmer, even ki
From Love Bombing to Losing Myself — and Finding My Way Back
In this raw and validating conversation, fitness expert and former pro athlete Holly Rilinger shares her first public telling of the emotional abuse she endured inside a long-term relationship that looked perfect on the outside.Holly opens up about how the relationship began with admiration and love bombing, then slowly eroded her confidence, identity, and sense of self. From subtle criticisms abo
Am I Overreacting?
Most survivors don’t start by asking “Is this abuse?” They ask “Why do I feel crazy?”This episode dives deep into the emotional confusion that defines so many abusive dynamics—especially when gaslighting, blame-shifting, and chronic invalidation are at play. If you’ve ever found yourself apologizing after being hurt, doubting your memory, or shrinking yourself to avoid their reactions, you’re not
When It Was Never About Change: Understanding the Psychology Behind Cluster B Abuse
Dr. Kerry McAvoy joins me to discuss the most confusing and painful parts of surviving a relationship with someone who has Cluster B traits, including narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, and histrionic personality disorders.We explore:The neurological and psychological reasons why people with Cluster B disorders don’t changeWhy survivors feel crazy, confused, and exhausted—and why that’s by desi
Breaking the Trauma Bond
I’m sharing one of the most requested and emotionally charged topics: the trauma bond. This episode is part of my private podcast series Unhooked: Mapping the Cycle of Abuse, and I felt it was important to bring it here too—for anyone who’s stuck in the pain, confusion, or shame of staying in a relationship they know is harming them.We explore why trauma bonds form, how they keep you hooked, and w
Healing a Trauma Bond: The Power You Still Have
Trauma Bonding—a term that’s often misunderstood and sometimes avoided because naming it means facing the abuse beneath it. In this episode, I break down what a trauma bond is (and isn’t), why it’s more than “shared trauma,” and how it functions as an emotional and physical addiction. Then, we talk about something that might feel uncomfortable: the places where you do have control once you’ve reco
Whose Shame Are You Carrying? How Abusers Offload Pain to Avoid Accountability
This episode explores one of the most insidious aspects of emotional abuse: shame offloading. When someone can’t face their own emotional wounds—whether it’s failure, inadequacy, or internal contradictions—they often project that pain onto the person closest to them. You become the emotional scapegoat, the one who’s blamed, punished, or humiliated—not because you did something wrong, but because t
Why Abusers Believe Their Own Lies with Paul Colaianni
Why do emotionally abusive people double down on false narratives, deny reality, and convince themselves they’re the victim—even when they’re causing visible harm?I'm joined by Paul Colaianni, host of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse podcasts and creator of The Healed Being program, one of the few resources for people who have been emotionally abusive and genuinely want to change.We u
When You’re Not Allowed to Be Human: A Journal Entry from Inside the Cycle of Abuse
This episode takes you inside the lived experience of emotional abuse. The story captures how emotional dysregulation, boundary violations, and false repair cycles can slowly erode a person’s sense of self.We discuss how the classic cycle of abuse—tension, explosion, and reconciliation—can unfold in covert ways, leaving the survivor walking on eggshells, questioning their reality, and constantly m
The Abuse That Didn’t Look Like Abuse
There’s a version of abuse that presents as calm and reasonable. It doesn’t look chaotic, and at first, it doesn’t even feel that way. It feels quiet and measured. It sounds like someone who wants to work through things. Someone who seems thoughtful and emotionally attuned.Under the surface, there’s control, pressure, and a constant pull to make you question whether your reactions are valid, wheth
The Manipulation I Didn’t See—Until I Did
In this episode, I share the story that shaped everything: how I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship, how I stayed, and how I finally saw it for what it was.This is the manipulation I didn’t see—until I did.I talk about the slow unraveling of my reality, the gaslighting, the shame, the trauma bond, and the hope that kept me stuck. I explain how I lost myself piece by piece, how I start
Mapping Your Specific Cycle of Abuse
If you’ve ever felt like you were stuck in a relationship that kept repeating the same painful patterns—no matter how much you tried to fix it—this episode is for you.In this episode, learn how the cycle of abuse plays out in emotionally abusive relationships—not as a clean four-part theory, but as a lived, messy, repetitive trap that keeps survivors hooked through false hope and temporary calm.Yo
Can a Narcissist Actually Change?
This is one of the most common—and most heartbreaking—questions I hear: Can a narcissist change? In this episode of You Are Not Crazy, I’m walking you through the reality behind that question.The short answer? Maybe—but almost never.Real change requires emotional accountability, humility, and deep psychological work… and most narcissists aren’t willing to do that. Not because they can’t—but becaus
Why It Hurts So Much (Even After Everything)
When you're breaking a trauma bond or coming to terms with the end of a manipulative relationship, it doesn’t just bruise you—it shatters something inside. This kind of grief defies logic. You’re not just mourning a relationship. You’re grieving the version of you who believed in it, the future you imagined, and the love you gave so fully.I walk through what this heartbreak really is—and what
Why They Couldn’t Love You: Understanding Emotional Capacity in Toxic Relationships
What happens when the person you fought so hard to love turns out to be incapable of loving you back? What do you do with the grief, the self-doubt, and the tidal wave of confusion that follows?In this raw and deeply personal episode, I unpack what it means to love someone with traits of Cluster B personality disorders—specifically, narcissistic and borderline features—and why walking away doesn’t
Understanding the Trauma Bond
We dive into the Trauma Bond: how it forms, why it's so hard to leave, and what recovery really looks like. This isn't just about red flags or textbook definitions. This is about the lived experience—the confusion, the craving for relief, the grief that shows up even when you finally leave.I walk through the invisible hooks that keep survivors attached: intermittent reinforcement, emotio
The Outburst That Isn’t About You: Emotional Storms and BPD Traits
What do you do when the person you love explodes—and it has nothing to do with you, but you’re the one absorbing the damage?In today’s episode, I’m talking about a very specific and disorienting experience: the emotional outbursts that often come from people with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These episodes are not “just” arguments. They’re dysregulated storms—sudden, intense, a
They're Just Avoiding Accountability
In this episode, I unpack how abusers flip the script by dredging up unrelated past events, twisting reality, and using guilt as a weapon to derail accountability. If you've ever found yourself defending a mistake from five years ago while trying to talk about how you're hurting now, this episode is for you.You’ll learn:The difference between naming a pattern and playing the blame gameHo
