The Healthy Compulsive Project
The Healthy Compulsive Project explores the obsessive-compulsive personality, perfectionism, and Type A behavior. Hosted by psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst Gary Trosclair, it offers insights into the pitfalls and potential of driven personalities. The podcast aims to help listeners harness their compulsive traits in a positive way.
Episodes
Ep. 116: Codependence Is a 'Muscular Glue' — Here's How to Break Free
Why do driven, high-functioning people sometimes find themselves trapped in codependency — bound to others in ways that feel obsessive, compulsive, and impossible to escape? In this episode, psychotherapist and Jungian analyst Gary Trosclair explores the hidden connection between compulsive personality types and codependent relationship patterns. Drawing on attachment theory and Jungian
Ep. 115: Why You Can’t Stop Using Willpower--Even After It Drains You
Why do so many disciplined, high-functioning people keep pushing themselves long after the tank is empty? This episode explores the hidden costs of overusing willpower and why self-control, though powerful, can become destructive when it loses contact with the body, emotion, values, and limits. It looks at how rigid ideas of strength, externally driven perfectionism, and fear-based motiva
Ep. 114: Can't Identify Your Feelings? You Might Have Alexithymia—The Unspeaking Heart
If you’ve ever felt unsure what you want, relied on logic where feeling should guide you, or wondered why emotions seem elusive, this post is for you. Alexithymia—“the unspeaking heart”—is not a lack of feeling, but a learned and often inherited difficulty accessing it. Drawing on research, clinical insight, and everyday examples, this piece examines how emotions become blocked, the quiet
Ep 113: 6 Reasons Perfectionists Struggle to Change
For people who are stubbornly perfectionistic, obsessive and compulsive, change can be hard to come by. Particular personality traits that can be positive can also manifest negatively. In this post we explore six of the main blocks to change, including, avoidance motivation, impatience, magnifying difficulties, unrealistic goals, being too cerebral, and clinging to the safe benefits of ol
Ep. 112: Break Free from the “Shoulds”: How Old Soul and Young Soul Archetypes Can Run Your Life
There are both among us and within us young souls and old souls. Some of them fulfilled and some of them unfulfilled. Typically, people with obsessive-compulsive personality traits are old souls, and they can express that part of them either constructively or destructively. But usually their young soul is silenced. This old soul is one manifestation of the archetype of the Senex, or the
Ep. 111: Your Outdated, Risk‑Averse Comfort Zone Is a Prison — Chuck It
Risk aversion once kept us alive. Today, it often keeps us trapped. Drawing on evolutionary psychology, personality theory, and clinical experience, this essay explores how outdated risk‑avoidance strategies—especially common in obsessive‑compulsive personality styles—shrink our lives, suppress desire, and turn comfort zones into psychic prisons. Living longer isn’t the same as living bet
Ep. 110: The Hidden Wisdom of the Compulsive Personality
Compulsive traits are often judged as rigid or unhealthy, but they originate in qualities that once helped humans survive. This essay reframes compulsiveness as an adaptive style—rooted in conscientiousness, focus, and persistence—and explores how these traits can become strengths when consciously directed. Through research, evolutionary psychology, and a clinical vignette, it shows how f
Ep. 109: 5 Steps to Respond to an OCPD Diagnosis
Receiving an OCPD diagnosis can leave you unsure where to begin, but the traits that once fueled rigidity and perfectionism can also support meaningful change. This guide introduces RAILS, a five‑step framework designed to help you start removing the “disorder” from your obsessive‑compulsive personality. The steps encourage building self‑respect, acknowledging how maladaptive perfectionis
Ep: 108: A Dog's Eye View of OCPD
A Husky narrates a compassionate, humorous, and perceptive account of living with a human who has obsessive‑compulsive personality disorder traits. Through keen canine observation, the Husky contrasts natural dog instincts—flexibility, presence, connection—with the rigid routines, perfectionism, rationalization, and emotional struggles of the human world. The story explores themes of rout
Ep. 107: Waking Up from the Strange Comfort of the Obsessive-Compulsive Dream
What if the machine controlling your life isn’t out there—but inside you? Using The Matrix as a lens, this post exposes how maladaptive obsessive‑compulsive personality patterns act like internal programs that hijack authenticity, drain energy, and keep us locked in a dream of perfection, urgency, and control. Drawing from psychological research and Jungian theory, it reveals how these in
Ep. 106: Marriage Is Not for Sissies: Courage, Projection, and Projective Identification
It takes courage to make a relationship work. The courage to admit you’re wrong. The courage to persist when you’re right. The courage to take chances in communication, generosity and vulnerability. And most of all, the courage to objectively look at what’s happening emotionally inside of you. This episode explores projection and projective identification, two psychological processes that
Ep. 105: Quieting the False Alarms of "Not Just Right Experiences"
Ever felt like something was “just not right” even when nothing is wrong? Psychologists call these Not Just Right Experiences (NJREs)—a subtle but powerful force behind OCD and OCPD. Learn what they are, why they matter, and how to manage them before they hijack your peace of mind.
Ep. 104: Befriending Adaptive Perfectionism: From Villain to Ally
We’ve got perfectionism all wrong. The real problem isn’t high standards—it’s the illusion of perfectibility and harsh judgment that have been grafted onto it. Perfectionism began as a guide toward purpose, but centuries of distortion turned it into an enforcer of impossible ideals. Instead of banishing perfectionism, we can reclaim its adaptive side—commitment, persistence, and pursuit o
Ep. 103: 7 Vexing Questions & Encouraging Answers for Therapists Who Treat Obsessive-Compulsive Personality
Explore practical insights and nuanced strategies for working with clients who have obsessive-compulsive personality traits. Drawing on 33 years of experience, this post addresses common challenges, misconceptions, and ways to foster meaningful change—while offering a behind-the-scenes look for those in therapy.
Ep. 102: Interview with Endurance Coach Travis Macy about the Driven Personality
This is an extended interview in which endurance athlete, coach, and podcaster Travis Macy asks me about the driven personality and broader questions of well-being. Having set records in some truly astounding endurance races, Travis knows about perseverance, resilience and fortitude, all of which exist as potential in the obsessive-compulsive personality. We compare notes about competitio
Ep. 101: 4 Ways Perfectionists and Obsessive-Compulsives Try To Avoid Humiliation
This essay explores how perfectionist and obsessive-compulsive personalities construct “fortresses” to avoid humiliation, embarrassment, and shame. Through vivid stories and cultural examples—from Steve Jobs to Michael Jackson—it identifies four compulsive types (Boss, Workaholic, People-Pleaser, and Obsessor) and shows how their strategies both protect and imprison them.
Ep. 100: How a Goddess Became a Modern Disease: Ananke, OCPD, & the Need for Control
Carl Jung famously wrote that the gods have become diseases. What he meant was that because we no longer consciously acknowledge the powerful forces we used to call gods and goddesses, they’ve gone underground and manifest in our physical and mental ailments. However unbelievable they might seem, they are still forces to be reckoned with. Such is certainly the case with Ananke, the Goddes
Ep. 99: From Alienation to Connection: Healing the Spiritual Side Effects of Compulsive Perfectionism
Explore how compulsive perfectionism creates alienation, and the science-backed benefits of as sense of connection to something larger than yourself. And discover practical ways to restore a sense of connection with Nature and the Universe for greater peace and well-being.
Ep. 98: How to Pivot to a Life Worth Living Through Flexibility: A Review of ACT
To make a dent in the pile of material you might feel you have to read to be up on the most recent developments in mental health, here's a practical review of the relatively new approach to therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, with brief examples of how to apply it. Because one of the main goals of ACT is flexibility, it can be very helpful to anyone struggling with obsessive
Ep. 97: 3 Reasons You're Having Anxiety Dreams
Anxiety dreams may seem simply like a nuisance at first glance. But slow down and pay attention and you might find they have something to tell you about how you are living and how you see your world. Issues of avoidance, authenticity, and being tested can all show up in anxiety dreams. Seen as a source of wisdom, these dreams can lead you in new directions should you choose to engage with
Ep. 96: 4 Tools to Help Obsessives Move Past Creative Blocks
Creativity may be one of the most fulfilling activities we have. Unless it’s blocked. Then the desire to be creative can feel like torture. But there are ways to get unblocked. In this episode we will talk about the possible benefit of compulsive urges, and the destructiveness of obsessive thinking. We’ll look at how the avoidance of feelings of anxiety and insecurity becomes a block. And
Ep. 95: No Laughing Matter: What Being So Serious Does to Your Life
Seriousness is an occupational hazard for obsessive-compulsives, Type A's and perfectionists. Being serious can hurt relationships, mental health and physical health. Yet many of us feel duty-bound to be serious, and we lose out on the benefits of humor and laughter--which can melt the rigidity which comes with being so serious.
Ep. 94: 2 Novels About Perfectionists Sure to Entertain and Inspire You
What happens when a rigid devotion to rules, order, and perfection replaces our ability to feel, connect, and live? In this episode, we explore two moving character studies from Fredrik Backman’s novels A Man Called Ove and Britt-Marie Was Here. Through Ove and Britt-Marie—both fictional but deeply familiar—we see the beauty, heartbreak, and potential of the obsessive-compulsive personal
Ep. 93: Breaking Horses: 6 Signs That You're Micromanaging
How do we know if we are micromanaging? If you constantly look over someone’s shoulder, give them detailed instructions, distrust them, and make mountains out of molehills, it will discourage creativity, diminish morale, and disrupt relationships. It may even lead to them ignoring you. It brings about the opposite of your desired effect. Productivity, responsibility and ingenuity all decr
Ep. 92: A Review of RO DBT, Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy—A New Treatment for Overcontrol
Is RO DBT a new answer for overcontrol and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)? This post introduces Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a treatment developed for overcontrolled personalities, and explores how well it fits the traits and needs of those with OCPD. Clinical insights, pros and cons, and personal reflections included.
Ep. 91: Navigating Challenges for the Perfectionist Father: From the Horrific to the Heroic
How do perfectionist and compulsive traits shape fatherhood? This post explores the challenges and opportunities for the obsessive father—how those traits can either alienate or elevate, harm or heal. Learn how self-awareness, values, and mindset can help fathers navigate the line between heroic and harmful.
Ep. 90: Finding the Meaning of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Traits
Compulsive behavior is often dismissed as neurotic, but what if it's a deep call for connection and purpose? This post explores the redemptive potential of obsessive-compulsive personality traits—how they can become a source of meaning, growth, and compassion when understood properly.
Ep. 89: Should You Unearth the Past? How Looking Back Can Help us Move Forward
Is burying the past holding you back? Most of us live as if we are still in the past without being aware of it. Discover how understanding your personal history can help you reclaim buried strengths, rewrite limiting stories, and live more freely in the present.
Ep. 88: Am I Being Passive-Aggressive? How to Know—and What to Do About It
Ever wonder if you're being passive-aggressive? Learn how to spot the signs, understand your hidden motives, and shift toward more conscious, assertive communication.
Ep. 87: Beyond the Switch: The Dark and Subtle Side of Punishment
Explore the true motivations behind punishment, its impact on relationships and society, and learn how to cultivate awareness to prevent destructive tendencies. Discover healthier ways to handle conflict and promote genuine justice. This episode explores the evolutionary and archetypal sources of punishment, how it is subtly used to more selfish ends, and how we can use it more effective
Ep. 86: The Hidden Drive Behind Compulsive Behavior: Carl Jung’s Path to Wholeness
In this episode we explore the profound though often unseen energy that leads to either wholeness or compulsive behavior. If this energy is blocked from its true goal, it make make us unbalanced. Discover Carl Jung’s insights on compulsive behavior and how blocked growth can lead to obsession. Learn how to unlock your potential through individuation.
Ep. 85: This is Not a Test: 3 Steps to Winning the Battle Against Insecurity
Insecurity underlies many of the mental health challenges we all experience, as if we are always taking a test and always fearing failure. But what causes this insecurity and how do we become more secure? In this episode we explore the three most common aspects of insecurity (feeling unlovable, morally deficient, or lacking incompetence), the parental, environmental and cultural causes, t
Ep. 84: Is Psychotherapy Effective? A Note for the Skeptical
For those of you who are skeptical about whether therapy is effective, I get it. Who’s to know whether what goes on behind closed doors does any good? And isn’t it in the interest of the therapist to excavate all sorts of problems to keep those checks coming? Therapists actually share those sorts of suspicions. We want to know about the truth and about motivation. In this episode I explor
Ep. 83: 7 Ways Spending Time in Nature Heals the Driven Personality
There’s an increasing amount of research which suggests that spending at least two hours each week engaging with nature improves our well-being. And because of the epidemic of Nature Deficit Disorder (yes, it’s a real thing), an increasing number of healthcare professionals are even prescribing time in nature. This research implies that it’s beneficial for everyone, but there's good reaso
Ep. 82: Want to Make Life Easier? Break the Habits that Make It More Difficult Than It Needs to Be
Life is not easy, and we actually make it harder if we imagine we can sashay through it effortlessly. But we can also make life more difficult than it needs to be by imagining that the path forward is steeper than it really is. In this post I explore the effect of "Mountain Mirage," its causes and its cures.
Ep. 81: A Short Guide to Love Languages for People with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality
To have a good relationship we need to learn to speak the love languages that our partner can understand and feel. This can be particularly uncomfortable for people who are obsessive-compulsive, because they are most familiar with one particular language. But learning a new language is always good, and the energy and determination that come with being obsessive-compulsive can help you to
Ep. 80: Four Blocks to Releasing Resentment and Offering Forgiveness
Whatever the motivation for withholding forgiveness, it often hurts the holder more than it hurts the offender. And as I’ll show in this episode, not forgiving may be part of a larger mindset which blocks not just connection with that one person, but also a more fulfilling life.
Ep. 79: Authenticity: Why Being Realistically Real Matters
Living like no-one is watching is a rewarding but somewhat risky approach to life. While not caring what others think can allow us to be authentic, it may also put us in harms way, or lead us to hurt others. This episode explores how to be real in a realistic way.
Ep. 78: How to Harness the Power of Lists for Your Well-Being
Some of us live by our lists. We do whatever they tell us to do. Others dig their heels in and rebel against whatever chores have been assigned there. But who makes the list? Whoever does determines the power of lists to make our lives miserable or fulfilling.
Ep. 77: How to Help a Partner, Friend or Relative Who Feels Suicidal
How do you help a partner, relative or friend who feels suicidal? The situation is disturbing for anyone, and can be even more difficult for people who take too much responsibility and need to have things fixed and resolved. There are limits to what is within our control. And many of us feel too much responsibility in a situation like this. We like to think that there must be a solution t
Ep. 76: The Need to Control: A Compulsive Recipe for Poor Health
It might feel right at times to be all fired up and plowing through a messy house as if it were about to be condemned as inhabitable by the town, fixing errors in a discombobulated spreadsheet like your life depended on it, or planning every detail of your daughter’s 10th birthday party so that she’s guaranteed a spot on the social registry. But if you can’t turn that fire down, you’re go
Ep 75: 6 Steps to Stop Being Judgmental
It’s human nature to have standards and to compare, but this tendency can go rogue and unleash harsh judgments on others—with results completely contrary to the original intentions. I have found it helpful to explore what triggers our judgment and to see what impact it has on the other person and ourselves as well. If we can learn to identify our motivations, acknowledge our shadow, try t
Ep. 74: Four Ways that Control Smothers the Flames of Romantic Love
Ah romance. What could feel better than falling in love? Bliss, delight, ecstasy. But those can happen only if we can let go enough to get things going, and enough to sustain them as things get more challenging. Nothing smothers romantic love worse than control. And this happens in more ways than you might expect. Today we’ll explore some of the blocks from family and culture that can pre
Ep. 73: Taoist Wisdom for Compulsive Perfectionists
While I find parts of the Tao Te Ching baffling, exasperating and mystifying, Lao Tzu’s encouragement to accept things as they are still conveys an attitude toward life that I find to be a good counterpoint to my driven nature. Since Taoist wisdom can be especially useful to people who are compulsive, perfectionist, and obsessive, I thought it might be helpful for me to share how this end
Ep. 72: 7 Ways to Achieve More Flexibility in Your Relationships
I know that most of my listeners are passionately committed to doing the right thing, unfortunately that can lead to doing the wrong thing. If we get rigid about the way things should be and end up controlling people to achieve that, we can hurt others, damage our relationships, and even sabotage the greater good that we were aiming for. In this podcast I’ll share what I believe are some
Ep. 71: Clinging to Sacred Cows: Identity and Worth in the Compulsive Personality
People with compulsive and obsessive tendencies tend to hold on to things—money, objects, time and ideas. We imagine that these things we hold on to make us more secure. But too often they bring us more stress than security. Some of the things we hold on to constitute our identity and worth. These are sacred cows in the worst sense—traits that we feel we can’t question much less let go of
Ep. 70: Are you a compulsive hero or a heroic compulsive?
One way to free ourselves from unhealthy compulsive behavior is to understand our motivations, what drives and actually controls us. While we’re all unique, there are ancient and common patterns that underlie the roles we take on in life such as mother, father, warrior, healer, savior, priest, jester, caretaker and leader. These patterns are known as archetypes, and they’re illustrated in
Ep. 69: How Self Control and Inhibited Expression Hurt Relationships
Self control does have some benefits for relationships. But it also has dangers. If your self-restraint keeps you from expressing positive and intimate feelings, it may leave your partner feeling disconnected and unloved, which doesn't encourage them to express their feelings either, and then things start to go downhill quickly. But if you can be more intentional in using your self contro
Ep. 68: Wield Your Shield Wisely: How Not to be Defensive
Few of us make it through life without ever getting defensive. Shields are universal and archetypal. But, at the risk of being dramatic, how defensive we get can dramatically affect our relationships and careers. Some people keep their Shield of protection up almost all the time. Others ram it into the other person's face. Both of these can severely limit not just relationships and work,
Ep. 67: The Power of Lists to Tyrannize or Harmonize
Lists can be either effective or excessive. They can help us to organize and prioritize what we need to do, and it feels great to cross things off. But they can also be very one-sided. Too often they are only about all the things we are supposed to do rather than the things we want to do. Why do lists have to be so bloody demanding, rather than allowing? Lists can be a place where you tak
Ep. 66: Welcome All Guests: Aging with OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality)
Most people get happier as they reach their 50s, 60s and 70s. But people who are obsessive, compulsive and perfectionistic may miss out on the potential benefits. Their default strategy of control can block the those benefits, and leave them metaphorically pushing a rock up a hill, only to have it come crashing down again. The solution is to relinquish some control and welcome all the agi
Ep. 65: Letting Go and Holding On: The Essential Life Skills No-One Taught You
We often hear that we need to be able to let go, let go of things like resentment, control, limited identity, and replaying that embarrassing episode from last year’s Christmas party. But letting go wasn’t covered in the curriculum at your grammar school, or middle school, or high school. So today we’re going to talk about how to develop this skill. It takes practice and courage, but it i
Ep. 64: Driving Nowhere: The Dangers of Being Overly Conscientious
Too often our efforts to be conscientious overshoot their goal and we become rigid and rulebound instead. Sometimes this is because we follow convention rather than conscience, and other times it's because we have forgotten our original motivation. In both cases, becoming more mindful of conscience and more skillful in how we execute it can put us back on track, rather than driving nowher
Ep. 63: Can Mindfulness Meditation Make You Less Compulsive?
Sitting still and watching their breathe may be the last thing most driven, perfectionist, and obsessive-compulsive people want to do. But it might be one of the most helpful things they can do. The benefits of mindfulness meditation for just about everyone have been well documented. In this post I'll explore some of the particular benefits for people who feel a constant need to fix, prod
Ep. 62: Being Frugal: Good Self-Care or Too Emotionally Expensive?
Frugality can be a blessing or a curse. It can provide for you practically and prepare you for rough times. But it may also cost you emotionally. It can leave you stingy, obsessed, and austere. Knowing whether it’s helpful or harmful for you requires that you know your own tendencies; Too withholding? Too indulgent? If you want to sort this out, it also helps to know your motivations. Thi
Ep. 61: Feeling Stuck? Try Generosity.
Since people with obsessive-compulsive personality traits often feel that the right thing is to hold on to money, time, objects and compliments, they may miss out on the benefits of generosity. And since they tend to get engrossed in goals, projects, and fixing things, they may neurologically wire themselves into a narrow focus which excludes generosity. I can’t guarantee you’ll feel happ
Ep. 60: The Role of Self-Deception in Perfectionism
We like to think of ourselves as rational beings, behaving in accord with reasonable ideals. But we resort to rationalization and self-deception far more often than we may want to know. The results include anxiety, failure to be fulfilled, and conflict with others who are just as convinced that they're more reasonable than the other guy. This calls for honest self-reflection. But since re
Ep. 59: Navigating the Crossroads: 5 Steps to Becoming More Decisive
When we have difficult decisions to make, it is as if we come to a crossroads and the choice becomes loaded with extra pressure. If we can recognize when we've entered this territory, and reflect on our decision-making process--rather than the content--we can feel more comfortable with our decisions, and improve our ability to be more decisive. Confidence in this process doesn't come from
Ep. 58: People Pleasing, Resentment, & Other Relationship Killers
People pleasing and obsessive-compulsive personality occur together far more than many might think. Some people heroically put all their determination and perfectionism into making other people happy with the assumption that it will come back to them in love, support or affirmation. It often does not happen that way. In fact, it can backfire.
Ep. 57: Regarding Your Battle with the World's Stupidity
The world can be really annoying. But we can question how annoyed we need to be. And examining our response can lead us to understand lots about ourselves. It could even make us happier. What do we expect of the world, and how do we handle it when it doesn’t meet our standards? This isn’t just about letting others off the hook, but an investigation into how we spend our energy, the qualit
Ep. 56: In Praise of Healthy Perfectionism
Perfectionism has gotten a bad rap. Used well, it can serve us and others very well. Used badly, it kills the spirit. Perfectionism that feels necessary will grab and strangle you. Perfectionism that is simply desired can be very fulfilling. And watch where you bring it: it fits better in some arenas that others.
Ep. 55: What Happens When a Compulsive Meets the Archetype of the Saint
The archetype of the Saint can draw people with obsessive-compulsive personality to a life of devotion—even if that devotion is not standard religious fare. Righteousness can become so pronounced that they—and those around them—can hear nothing other than that siren call to perfection. Religion is then used as justification for rigidity. The draw is understandable, because it seems to the
Ep. 54: Chronic Urgency Stress Syndrome (CUSS) and That Monster Hiding Under Your Bed
We've all got a monster hiding under our bed: shame, fear, depression, or anger we feel we need to avoid. And we often try to avoid it with urgency: getting things done, fixing, and producing, always staying so focused on speed and efficiency that we lose site of what's most important. In this episode Gary explores the questionable strategy of urgency and how to return to the things that
Ep. 53: Perceived Chaos and the Need to Control
For some of us chaos is disturbing on a deep level. And it's often beyond our control. But the question is whether the chaos is just out there in the outer world, or in our inner world. Our assessment and our reaction to it determine partly just how chaotic it is. In this episode Gary shares some of his own personal experiences with chaos and how he has dealt with them.
Ep. 52: Do You Live With Ease Or Urgency?
Living with urgency and living with ease are two opposite approaches to life. If asked which we prefer, most of us would say ease, but few of us actually live that way. Join me in this episode to explore our surprising resistance to ease, the unhealthy side effects of urgency, and suggestions for how to transition from a life of urgency to a life of ease.
Ep. 51: How Compulsive Perfectionists Can Cultivate Happiness
Stop thinking you’re supposed to be smelling the roses when you know that planting and managing the garden is what really makes you happy. Wouldn’t it be nice to be happy? I suspect that most of my listeners would agree, but find that as hard as turning off the sun. It feels out of our control. Everything that’s unresolved, imperfected and out-of-order are exposed to the light whether we
Ep. 50: How To Not Waste Your Time In Therapy
Some people are reluctant to go to therapy for fear of wasting their time there. Others may already be in therapy but fear they are wasting their time. This is understandable for the many compulsives who feel strongly about being efficient and effective. But you can go to therapy and use your time there wisely. To help listeners make the most of therapy I’ve outlined some of the most imp
Ep. 49: Naming and Taming the Core Fears That Control Us
Beneath our everyday surface anxieties are deeper more substantial fears, core fears that control our behavior and affect our mood more than we imagine. If we can identify these core fears, and learn to stare them down, they have less power over us. To do this we need to also identify our coping strategies, the ones that allow us to temporarily escape these fears by controlling, overworki
Ep. 48: 4 Lessons Perfectionists Learn When They Befriend the Archetype of the Fool
Seriousness is a questionable virtue. A least for those of us who tend want to have everything a certain way, need to have things resolved, and have a hard time delegating because no-one else will do it as well. When we get stuck in this mode, we need help to let go and appreciate life as it is. One character who has been doing this for thousands of years in the archetype of the Fool. The
Ep. 47: Should You Tell Your Partner How to Be a Better Person?
So, you love your partner and you can see that what they're doing holds them back. Should you tell them what they're doing wrong? In this episode we will explore the impact of telling your partner what to change, the motivations involved, the best way to do it, and others ways to support your partner in their growth.
Ep. 46: Perfectionistic Partners and Moral Gaslighting
In this episode we explore a specific kind of gaslighting that takes place when one partner is domineering and/or perfectionist. Whether the perfectionist partner intends to or not, they may leave their partner feeling like there is something defective about them. I call this moral gaslighting and it's both painful for the partner, and keeps the perfectionistic partner locked in a delusio
Ep. 45: How to Build a Foundation That Prevents Imposter Syndrome
Research indicates that as many as 70% of us experience imposter syndrome, the dread that you aren’t as good as others think you are, coupled with the certainty that they’ll discover the discrepancy and point you out with shame-shooting fingers. But we don't have to go through that. The solution is not proving to yourself that you're amazing after all, but building a foundation of basic s
Ep. 44: 5 Unintended Effects of Type A Parenting, and 17 Tips for Obsessive-Compulsive Parents
Parenting for Type A, driven, ambitious, high-achieving and obsessive-compulsive parents requires a different approach than the one we usually bring to our lives. Rather than pushing it requires waiting, in addition to work it requires play, and rather than achievement it requires connection. And because we don't always come across as we think we do, our children may experience us as bein
Ep. 43: Demand Resistance: What It is, What Drives It, and How it Serves or Cheats Us
If you've ever wanted to tell people or the world to shut up, back off, and quite pressuring you, you may have experienced Demand Resistance. This can be effective, but in some cases it might mean that you don't get your emotional needs met. Understanding what motivates you to protest, rebel or go on strike is an essential step in learning to use resistance skillfully.
Ep. 42: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder: A Disorder of Priorities
Take a moment to step back and look at the big picture of your life. Too often we lose track and lose our way, allowing defenses, habits, and behavioral avoidance to take us away from what's important. This may be most true of those with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder--whose intense drive can take them off course more quickly than other disorders. As even the APA's Diagnostic a
Ep. 41: How to Let Go Without Giving Up
Letting go and giving up are near enemies: one is healthy while the other might try to look like it's healthy, but really isn't. Letting go frees us to pursue more fulfilling ways of living, while giving up causes depression. Join us for a discussion of the differences and how to come out on the better side.
Ep. 40: How to Keep Psychological Hoarding from Crowding Your Mind and Blocking Fulfillment
We're all equipped to hold on to the things that ground our lives and give them meaning. But that tool is too often enlisted in ways that do neither. Too often we hold onto rules, money and time in ways that make our minds crowded and noisy, and prevent us from letting in the things that really feel good. Join me in a discussion of psychological hoarding, the obsessive-compulsive tendency
Ep. 39: What is shame and What is the Best Way to Deal with It?
The effects of shame can be seen all around us--largely in people's attempts to avoid it. If not confronted directly, shame can lead us to either withdraw, or to compensate with achievement, virtue or perfectionism. None of which work. Join us for this exploration of one of the most destructive emotions we experience, and find a better way to handle it.
Ep. 38: The Battle for the Mind of the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality: Growth Mindset Vs. Fixed Mindset
The obsessive-compulsive personality can make you rigid, or it can be enlisted for healthy change. Fixed mindset can get you stuck while growth mindset can help you utilize its predilection for mastery. This episode lays bare the ongoing battle between the two and the unrecognized allegiance to fixed mindset. It also offers suggestions about how to make sure that growth mindset wins the f
Ep. 37: Want to Be Certain? Don't Be So Sure
We all like to be right. But our need to be right can get us into wrong because it can lead to self-deception and rationalization. The more convinced you are that your thinking and intuitions are right, the more likely it is that you're wrong. Join me as I question what it means to be certain, and explore why the answer to being certain is to question.
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