The SelfWork Podcast
Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford, a psychologist with over 30 years of experience, hosts The SelfWork Podcast to demystify mental health treatment and encourage therapy. The podcast features listener questions, interviews with experts, and covers a wide range of mental health topics. It has earned nearly 5 million downloads and is regularly rated as a top mental health podcast.
Episodes
519 SelfWork: Daring to Face the Fear of Public Speaking (And Other Anxieties)
Dr. Margaret and her TEDx speech coach, Brian Miller, talk about challenging the fear of public speaking and the importance of human connection."Go out and make a dent in the universe." These are the words I heard from Brian Miller, three years ago, weeks before I was to give my TEDxBocaRaton talk on perfectly hidden depression.Daring to face the fear of public speaking...But why did I ask
518 SelfWork: How To Use Your Innate Intuition to Heal and Grow
Today we're talking with two experts on tuning into your own intuition.Sarah Gregg is a psychologist and a published author with over 90,000 copies of her books sold. And Jill Ritchie is a highly sought after intuitive coach who's worked with Olympians, celebrities, and high achieving entrepreneurs to help them really begin learn how to trust their intuition and step into their best selves
517 SelfWork: Challenging Your Fear and The Underlying Assumptions That Keep It Alive
There’s a word for intense fear of change. Metathesiophobia.That’s when your fear of change is so strong and affects your life so intensely that you’ve developed an actual phobia around change. If that has become the case, then you’d avoid any change in your life as much as possible and stay in a constant state of agitation or vigilance about potential change.But change is inevitable. Time brings
516 SelfWork: Panicked About Panic: 5 Surefire Ways to Calm Your Nervous System
Having a panic disorder is bad enough.You may be able to anticipate it happening; for example, if you tend to panic when you see a spider or a snake.But other times, panic attacks – the sudden onset of intense symptoms of anxiety, such as trouble breathing, your heart racing, feelings of wanting or even needing to flee, tunnel vision, sweating, trembling – these very unwelcome and unexpected feeli
515 SelfWork: Enhance Your Skills: Listening Someone Into Existence with Doug Noll
Today we'll focus on how to listen to someone so that they feel truly understood and seen.And it may not be a kind of listening that you know about. It's a method called "affect labeling" - meaning labeling the emotions of the person you're listening to. And our expert today is Doug Noll, who teaches this method all over the world.This episode will teach you this new way of lis
514 SelfWork: Three Essential Questions to Identify Your Role Model
Today I'm focusing on three role models in my own life and the questions you can ask to help you identify your own.Who are they? Dolly Parton. Maya Angelou. And a woman named "Snooky."How does someone become a role model for you?Someone in your life may know that you look up to them, that you want to emulate them in some way.Others role models will never know it. You simply know of the
513 SelfWork: Inside A Psych Ward: A New Book by JaKob Williams, Chock Full of Nuts
You may never have been on the inside of a psych ward. In his new book, JaKob Williams takes you there.Or at least, he takes you to his version of a residential psych ward.He's an interesting guy. Brilliant. Sarcastic. Successful. Driven. Creative. Funny.And he has bipolar disorder, which sometimes gets the better of him. He becomes manic, and even psychotic. As he says..."You talk about P
512 SelfWork: CBT for Insomnia and Its 100% Effective Cure: Dr. Nick Wignall
Dr. Nick Wignall continues as Dr. Margaret's guest this week, as we switch from focusing on emotional fitness to the 100% effective CBT tool for curing insomnia, called sleep compression.It's hard to believe that in ten years of doing SelfWork, I don't remember an episode where we were focusing on insomnia, although I hear about it on a regular basis all the time. We've talked abou
511 SelfWork: Emotional Fitness and Being The Hero Of Your Own Life: Dr. Nick Wignall
Dr. Nick Wignall speaks about the vital importance of emotional fitness and becoming the hero of your life. This whole concept is intriguing and suggests that finding and maintaining your own sense of agency - of having some sense of and belief in your ability to have an impact on your life.Understanding emotional fitness is not just about recognizing the feelings we experience but also about acti
510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Secrets
This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5th, 2026 – the first episode of the new Ted Lasso season will be released. Today, we're going to focus on the meaning of so many of Ted Lasso characters having secrets that they're keeping.... and the freedom they discover in the telling of them.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
509 SelfWork: EMDR Therapy: How It Can Help Fill Emptiness and Release Grief with Dr. Laurel Parnell
EMDR Therapy is known for its treatment of trauma. Dr. Laurel Parnell teaches and demonstrates how it can be healing for emptiness and grief - when relationships were never loving and for when they're gone.Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from yo
508 SelfWork: The Eye-Opening Grief of Disillusionment and Heartbreak
Disillusionment is defined in psychology as a "belief collapse." And the grief that that implosion can cause can be very hard to work through.Today's focus will be on how to do just that - get through disillusionment.What is disillusionment?Disillusionment happens when something you desire or believe strongly is true and right – something that you’ve worked hard to create or to build -
507 SelfWork: How to Effectively Talk To A Perfectionist
The subject for today is how to talk with a perfectionist about your concern for them. Or if you’re the perfectionist, how to allow someone into your world enough for you to hear that concern. I'll offer five definite approaches that work and you'll learn about the feedback loop that makes perfectionism addictive. Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook expl
506 SelfWork: Therapy Harm: Straight Talk with Dr. Patricia Dixon
Therapy harm is the topic this week, as Dr. Margaret welcomes her guest Dr. Patricia Dixon to SelfWork.What is therapy harm?We talk more openly than ever about the benefits of therapy, but less about the ways therapy can unintentionally cause harm. And harm does happen far too often with therapists who do things or say things that hurt their clients. Maybe it’s over-sharing, being dismissive of so
505 SelfWork: What's The Most Recent News For Depression Sufferers in 2026?
What's the most recent news for depression sufferers in 2026?That's the question Dr. Margaret researched today. Some new treatments are available now; some are still trying to get FDA approval. But there's a lot of promise out there, especially for what's termed treatment-resistant depression.There's also a new book out, Rethinking Suicide, that points out more recent research
504 SelfWork: Your Questions and Answers: Is Anorexia Back "In", Borderline Moms, and Mother/Son Enmeshment
Dr. Margaret will focus today on questions and answers that listeners have sent her by either voicemail or email.First topic for today: Is anorexia back "in" as beautiful? Second: Why could you be allowing your mom (with borderline traits) to occupy such emotional space in your life? And third: If I'm openly sad when my son is getting ready to leave home, am I unintentionally setting h
503 SelfWork: Important Insights Into How to Interpret the Enneagram with Courtney Smith
Discover how to interpret the Enneagram in this episode of SelfWork! It's a personality test that's been around for decades. How is it different from other personality scales and what has made it so popular for so many years?Our expert speaker is Courtney Smith, who's a coach, group facilitator, and consultant who works with individuals and Fortune 500 companies to achieve change. She
502 SelfWork: The Medical and Mental Trauma of Chronic Invisible Illness with Amy Kurtz
In this SelfWork episode, Dr. Margaret interviews an expert on medical and mental trauma of chronic illness - Amy Kurtz.194 million Americans–more than 76 percent of the population–are living with chronic illness. Many eventually stabilize, but what happens when the body heals and you still don’t feel safe inside it?Patient advocate and health coach Amy Kurtz knows this gap in our healthcare syste
Introducing How To!: “How To Take Psychedelics for Your Mental Health with Dr. Will Van Derveer”
This week we’re sharing a special episode from our friends at How To!, the 2026 Ambie Award-nominated “Best Personal Growth Podcast” that’s back with a new host and new topics to fuel your curiosity. Each week on How To!, award-winning journalist Mike Pesca tackles a listener’s question – on topics ranging from travel and finance to health and relationships – with help from world-class experts who
501 SelfWork: Cultural Humility: What It Takes To Walk in Someone Else's Shoes
Dr. Margaret focuses today on the vital importance of what’s termed “cultural humility” as she responds to a listener voicemail, pointing out that as she’s a white person, her advice comes from a place of privilege in the US.Do you have to have walked in someone else’s shoes, carried the same load as they have, lived a life very similar to theirs – to truly understand them? Or to offer something h
500 SelfWork: Paul Gilmartin On Healing from Maternal Sexual Abuse
It’s a little hard to describe Paul Gilmartin.He's worked as a stand-up comic. He makes furniture. And he's a maternal abuse survivor.To add to that, he was one of the first hosts of the TBS show Dinner and A Movie. In fact, he hosted that show for years – and people still recognize him when he’s out and about!But his life has moved in many directions.Since 2011 however, he’s been the host
499 SelfWork: Emotional Martyrdom: It's Different Than Self-Sacrifice
Emotional martyrdom. What is it? And where does it come from? That's today's SelfWork episode.Recently, I got a comment on the questionnaire blogpost on perfectly hidden depression - from a woman whose every word convinced me that there are too many people in the world who believe it's their job to keep everyone around them happy.So today we're going to look at what's termed em
498 SelfWork: Plastic Surgery: Understanding Its Psychological Side with Dr. Rady Rahban
Today we're focusing on the psychological side of plastic surgery. This interview with renowned plastic surgeon Dr. Rady Rahban answers all your questions about the psychological side of choosing both reconstructive and plastic surgery. Understanding the motivations and emotional impacts of such decisions is crucial for anyone considering these procedures. The intersection of psychology and pl
497 SelfWork: What's The Current Controversy Over What "Licensed Mental Health Professional" Means
Today we’ll focus on what it means to be a licensed mental health professional. How are coaches and influencers different from licensed mental health professionals? And how has the rise of therapists themselves online affected the social media culture, while unlicensed influencers are offering mental health advice?We'll focus on five major concerns of the online presence (and often persistence
496 SelfWork: Restorative Justice: Marlee Liss on Rape and Her Path to Healing
(Note: We are focusing on sexual assault in this episode of SelfWork. If you have a history of sexual assault, please listen with care.)Today we're going to introduce you to the concept of restorative justice. Our guest today is Marlee Liss. You may not have heard of her, unless you closely follow what's happening in the justice system concerning sexual assault.But her voice is a strong on
495 SelfWork: Grit: What It Takes to Fight Chronic Mental Illness
Grit. What is it? How do you develop it? And how is it important for battling mental illness? And what role does it play in both outer success and inner victory?These are the questions we're going to answer today on SelfWork.Here's leading author Angela Duckworth 's definition of grit, described in her Ted talk."Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is hav
494 SelfWork: Masterclass: Befriending Your Inner Critic with Dr. Tara Cousineau
In this episode, Dr. Margaret talks with Dr. Tara Cousineau about perfectionism and "befriending your inner critic."My guest today, Dr. Tara Cousineau, is an expert on perfectionism's treatment. She's a clinical psychologist, as well as a yogi and mom. And she's a staff psychologist at Harvard's Counseling and Mental Health Services. There are certainly a lot of perfectioni
493 SelfWork: Self-Love Empowers You and Leads to Self-Agency
Today we're focusing on finding emotional stability and calm through self-love. Not narcissism – not grandiosity or some kind of over-the-top shouting to the world how great you are. But what exactly self-love is and what it can lead to is our focus. That's self-agency - the ability to act and to feel empowered to do so. Even though we live in a world that repeatedly suggests you can’t be
492 SelfWork: Revisiting Perfectly Hidden Depression
In this episode, Dr. Margaret gives her best advice about enmeshment, Anne Burrell’s suicide, and perfectly hidden depression to those that have reached out to her in the past few months.This episode is kind of a grab bag; one comment from a woman who loved Anne Burrell (as a response to a piece I wrote about her), another from a young man in an arranged marriage whose mother is harsh and who he f
491 SelfWork: Friendships: How To Create and Keep Solid Connections
Friendships are vital for your sense of well-being.When you know that you have people that you can count on to be there for you when you need them, who you feel solidly connected to. that knowledge can offer a kind of grounding that's unshakeable.Dr. Margaret invites Marisa Franco to SelfWork to discuss how she discovered this for herself, how friendships have provided her with steady caring a
490 SelfWork: How To Choose A Great Career and When To Change It
Choosing a career is one thing. However, knowing if it's the right choice for you or if you need to consider other alternatives? That can be more difficult.In this enlightening episode, Dr. Margaret speaks with Ashley Stahl, the author of the best-selling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career . They delve deep into the complexities of career choices and
489 SelfWork: When Suicide Is A Brutal Shock
Note: In this episode, Dr. Margaret talks with Penny Gray, who lost her husband to suicide. Please read/listen carefully. Here are international numbers of suicide hotlines.Suicide is hard for all, and horrific for others. Why? Because someone they loved died by suicide, and they were absolutely shocked.Not that suicide isn't always extremely hard on those that loved the person who took their
488 SelfWork: Bipolar Disorder: Terri Cheney Tells The Raw Truth
Bipolar disorder can be very difficult to diagnose. But that pales in comparison to what it can be like to live with and manage.This week, Dr. Margaret Rutherford is republishing her interview with Terri Cheney who writes about her own battle with bipolar disorder. Sometimes she's won that battle. But not every time. And she talks about mixed episodes, which are harder to understand and certai
487 SelfWork: Hope For Autism: A Conversation with Dr. Theresa Lyons
Autism is a diagnosis that's feared by parents whose beloved child's development seems off.Dr. Theresa Lyons, a scientist and autism parent and expert, has lived this life. She and Dr. Margaret discuss what it was like, how she coped, and the professional and personal advice she has to offer.Dr. Lyons own words on discovering the autism diagnosis..."I knew something was wrong with my d
486 SelfWork: The Paralyzing Consequences of Self-Blame
Self-blame - when it happens way too much - can be paralyzing.Five paralyzing consequences of self-blame... You were blamed as a child so it's become part of your own punishing self-critic which can lead to self-sabotage.You were manipulated or are being abused and you take the blame to "keep the peace" and become submissive.You take the blame for something that's happened to you i
485 SelfWork: How to Get Bad People Out of Your Life
The Bad People Bible is a definitive guide to removing toxic people from your life.Written by celebrity and renowned clinical and forensic psychologist Dr. Peter J. Favaro, “Bad People Bible” combines real-life stories, psychological insights, and actionable strategies to help people recognize toxic individuals and get out of relationships with narcissists and manipulators.Dr. Favaro explained in
484 SelfWork: Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy: One Man's Transformational Journey
Psychedelic-assisted therapy is being actively researched by mental health researchers for its efficacy. And where it's legal, it's reported to be highly effective in treating depression and suicide prevention. Suicide rates within our veteran and first responder communities are incredibly high, and I’ve had conversations before with several guests on SelfWork about this very painful fact.
483 SelfWork: Flashbacks and Nightmares: Healing Fear and Finding Peace
Flashbacks and nightmares are primary symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as well as CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) – and they’re extremely frightening to have. Nightmares and flashbacks occur in different states of consciousness. Flashbacks happen when you’re awake and conscious; nightmares happen during sleep. Nightmares can involve a range of distressing themes, fr
482 SelfWork: The Messiness of Marriage
Messy marriages are all over the place – and living through them and maybe grieving them can at times be extremely complicated. In today’s SelfWork episode, whether you’re grieving the death of someone with whom you had a complex and even hurtful relationship or whether that relationship still exists, you are often needing to grieve that person’s impact on you. With Valentines Day fast approaching
481 SelfWork: What's Anticipatory Grieving and How Does It Help?
Today we're exploring what's termed "anticipatory grieving."When you know something is going to happen that will bring its own kind of grief… whether it’s a loved one being diagnosed with a terminal illness, an unwanted divorce being filed, learning that a child will struggle with a learning difference – it can bring a slew of emotions, many of them moving in and out of your awaren
480 SelfWork: Why Am I So Self-Critical?
Self-criticism can take on a life of its own. And become so constant that you have to fight it on a daily or even hourly basis.So today we’re going to focus on what may be keeping your self-criticism alive and well in ways that you don't realize.There are two steps we’ll cover. The first is raising awareness of your own inner self-critical voice. The second is assessing what role or function i
479 SelfWork: Are You Being Judgmental? Two Mental Mistakes That Take You There
Are you being judgmental? Many of us would quickly say "no" to that question. But how many people do you know one thing about – and one thing only – and you categorize them as “bad” or “good”, "weak" or "strong," "smart" or "not the brightest bulb."It doesn’t take long for us to form an opinion. And there are obvious situations – such as one where there’s th
478 SelfWork: The Mind Games of Sociopathy
How do you know if someone with sociopathic traits is playing with your mind? Today on SelfWork we’re going to talk about just that.The term cognitive dissonance has been around for quite a long time. What it’s describing is when you do something or say something that you believe to be wrong or unkind or unjust. But you do it or say it anyway. So, you’re not following or abiding by the values that
477 SelfWork: Disappointments, Expectations, and Blind Spots
Disappointment. It’s a feeling in between hurt and shock. Why? Because you expect one thing – and you receive another. It doesn’t quite shock you - maybe it wasn’t totally unexpected. And it doesn’t crush you – it’s not exactly traumatic.But expectation and disappointment are totally interrelated.Some disappointment is normal of course. You don’t always win the prize or get what you were striving
476 SelfWork: Is There A Right Way to Grieve?
Grief is never easy. And it can be made harder by the many things that happen with grief that you’re not prepared for – or believe ‘should’ be happening or ‘shouldn’t’. Dr. Elizabeth Kübler Ross made the observation about terminally ill people that they seemed to go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But she never meant for that model, no matter ho
475 SelfWork: Nine Ways to Challenge Low Self-Esteem
“Low self-esteem” is one of the symptoms or reflections of classic depression. Of course, it goes along with other symptoms or signs - a negative self-image, feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness, not enjoying much of anything – which is called anhedonia.But how do you increase self-esteem? What is self-esteem anyway? It’s a recognition of your value – of your worth. You can have high self-
474 SelfWork: Healing Through Intuition: A Conversation with Author Laura Day
Have you ever thought that intuition could be used for healing crisis?Laura Day, the New York Times bestselling author is back with a long-awaited, life-altering book to help you learn how to do just that. In her past breakthrough book Practical Intuition, she explained how anyone can train themselves to gain full access to the powers of the intuitive brain. However, only Laura’s closest friends k
473 SelfWork: Blame, Perfectly Hidden Depression, and Bipolar Disorder
Today we have a grab bag of questions and comments, with the topics being blame, perfectly hidden depression, and bipolar disorder.The first is from a mom who lived through her daughter and yet also didn’t offer safety or a sense of security – even with the basic things. This listener is now sober for a year (much to her credit) and is asking about how to navigate her relationship with her mom – w
472 SelfWork: What To Do After You've Lost Your Shit
Anger has a place. It’s an important emotion to feel and know how to handle. It lets you know a boundary and maybe a very important boundary, value, or expectation has been ignored or crossed or threatened in a very real way. But it’s a skill then to think through what you’re going to do with that anger.It seems that there are a lot more people these days who are angry. Maybe it’s because the imme
471 SelfWork: When Sexual Abuse Tears A Family Apart
We’re talking about sexual abuse on SelfWork today – so please, if you have sexual abuse in your history or have somehow been affected by it, listen carefully.Sometimes I receive a voicemail where I can hear the stark heartache that’s behind the message. And this week was no exception. The hurt expressed was so palpable for me. Not only hurt, but confusion and a huge sense of loss.Who was it from?
470 SelfWork: How to Find Meaning In The Moment with Author Pam Roy
One of the most difficult things we all face is how to find meaning in the moments or experiences of our lives that are cruel or devastating, frightening or despairing. The very idea that that might be possible can seem to completely ignore the very real pain or injury of that moment.A book all about finding meaning... One of the most eye-opening books I ever read, I was introduced to in a freshma
469 SelfWork: Understanding the Fears and Faces of Borderline Moms
Today we’re focusing on what are termed borderline traits as well as different types of borderline personality disorder.There are many people, primarily women, who struggle with it, without knowing what to call it. In fact, it wasn’t a “diagnosis” until 1980. But that certainly doesn’t mean it wasn’t real before that date.Having any kind of personality disorder is tough. What do those words “perso
468 SelfWork: Stop Going Down The High-Functioning Rabbit Hole with Dr. Whitney Casares
Are you going down the high-functioning nervous breakdown rabbit hole?When I read these words, written by our guest on SelfWork today, I knew I wanted her on the show. She’s a pediatrician, a mom, an executive – and she gets it.Most women feel like failures—always feeling like they’re not doing enough, but so exhausted from their over-functioning that they have no more to give. Their go-to solutio
467 SelfWork: Healing Narcissism's Wounds
Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloqu
466 SelfWork: How Shame Lies to You and How to Stop It
Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on just that topic. Here’s the last paragraph of that article: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you
465 SelfWork: Families and Other Calamities: A Conversation with Leslie Gray Streeter
My guest for this episode of SelfWork is Leslie Gray Streeter, a woman I’ve “known” (or as she explains to me is a parasocial friend of mine) – since 2019 or 2020. Leslie’s first book, Black Widow, was about the death of her husband, Scott – and was told with such biting truth and gritty humor that I knew I wanted to keep up with her.She's now written her second book, Families and Other Calami
464 SelfWork (Second Time Around): Attachment and Intimacy
Today we'll cover the four different types of attachment styles, and how they're created in childhood. As an adult, they influence what you seek in relationship, what you’re comfortable or secure with and what you’re not. But your style can also change – and that’s what we’ll focus on… what you can do about it. You can also click on a link to a questionnaire in your show notes that’s free
463 SelfWork (Second Time Around): The Quartet of Self-Sabotage
Today on SelfWork, in this "second time around" episode, let's focus on a quartet of players in the self-sabotage realm: procrastination, perfectionism, a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and of course, imposter syndrome. And as always, we'll talk about... what you can do about it. What's self-sabotage? When you're doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the
462 SelfWork: So You Wanna Be Your Own Brand?
The goal of personal branding is being touted as the best way to ensure success in 2025. Here’s a statement put out by the Harvard Business Review in 2023.. “Much of professional and personal success depends on persuading others to recognize your value. You have to do this when you apply for jobs, ask for promotions, vie for leadership positions, or write your dating profile. For better or worse,
461 SelfWork: Should AI Be Used For Therapy?
Today we’re going to focus on AI (Artificial Intelligence) and how it might be used as in psychology and specifically in therapy. It’s interesting to see how people are responding; some states are banning its use, either to protect the jobs of people who’ve studied and received degrees (as is happening in many professions) or to warn of mistakes that AI can make or harm it can do.There was dramati
460 SelfWork: Marci Hopkins on How To Find Hope and Stop Drinking
If you've ever wondered if you had it in you to stop drinking or change any destructive habit you have, Marci Hopkins wants to tell you that you can. She's the author of Chaos to Clarity, Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles, and an award-winning TV Personality, host, show creator and executive producer of "Wake Up with Marci." Wake Up is a talk show all about inspiration and
459 SelfWork: Kyle Kittleson On Being Gay, Managing Depression, and Learning Empathy
Meeting Kyle Kittleson was an incredibly refreshing experience.Why? Because he lives and breathes his passion for bettering the world. Whether it's through his work with animals (he's an animal trainer), his dedication to children's learning about animals on his very popular YouTube channel, BaBa Blast. Or his hosting of the incredibly informative MedCircle.com, where he interviews the
458 SelfWork: When Anxiety Imprisons You
Today we're focusing on the anxiety of being rejected, scorned, or judged. And how it’s a prison that keeps you from feeling safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It’s not a diagnosable anxiety disorder – unless you have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it’s as real as any of the classic diagnoses that are out there, like OCD or generalized anxiety disorder.But when you can
457 SelfWork: How To Be Enough: A Conversation with Ellen Hendriksen
How To Be Enough, a new book by Ellen Hendriksen is a must-read for anyone struggling with perfectionism and shame.She's a clinical psychologist at Boston University Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, and the author of a new book, How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists. She's already a very successful author having published the book How To Be Yourself
456 SelfWork: When You Hate Your Body... Body Dysmorphia
What is body dysmorphia? If you've irrationally felt, "I hate the way ....... looks or is," and you're talking about your own body, then you may be struggling with body dysmorphia.You can have a huge preoccupation with whatever defect your mind is telling you that you have – and can spend lots of time and money and energy to try and “fix” the problem. But tragically, the medicine o
455 SelfWork: Is Depression Getting Easier to Talk About
Given the wave of mental health awareness that has occurred over the last decade or more, is depression getting easier to talk about?In some ways, yes. But in other important ways… it doesn’t seem to be. There are plenty of reasons that are the essentially the same as they've been for a while. But there’s one that’s emerged only recently… the idea that a mental illness diagnosis becomes an ide
454 SelfWork: Redefining Success for Men: Talking with Evryman's Lucas Krump
What's success for men? Lucas Krump would say that what's missing for many men is connection, with their emotions but also with each other.Who's Lucas Krump?He's the Chief Growth Officer at EVRYMAN, a global community that fosters men's personal growth and emotional wellness. Lucas has been instrumental in expanding EVRYMAN's mission, offering retreats, online programs, and
453 SelfWork: A Shrink Talks About Shrinking
I'm a shrink. And today, I want to talk about the hit show Shrinking.Most of the time, I hear the term "shrink" used in a funny, almost endearing way. It’s like when people call me “Doc” instead of my name. It’s a term that binds us but also keeps boundaries clear.I’d like to give you my thoughts on the Apple TV show Shrinking. And even more so, its message – that the people who are sh
452 SelfWork: Parenting: Letting Go of Your Grown Kids
Parenting is hard. It may be the most ambiguous job you’ll ever have. Not only do you have to wait literally years to see what the “finished product” truly is – you have to get through adolescence and social media influence and screen time and drug use and hurt from relationships and broken bones and just basic screw-ups on your part – but there’s no guaranteed rule book.Parenting has stages...Tod
451 SelfWork: Why and How to Stop Using Therapy-Misspeak
Therapy-misspeak – overusing the terms used by psychologists and doctors and therapists – has blown up in recent years. Words that are used in the mental health world to diagnose or describe certain mental illnesses or traits of mental illnesses have become part of everyday language. But not in a good or accurate way.The trend seems to be leading… not to better mental health – but to a dilution of
450 SelfWork: Climbing the Walls: Talking ADHD In Women with Danielle Elliot
ADHD in women is finally being diagnosed for what it is and has been!Understood.org, a leading resource for people with learning and thinking differences, has launched a new podcast series, Climbing the Walls, a new limited-series investigative podcast. Hosted by health and science journalist and documentarian Danielle Elliot, the podcast explores what led to new ADHD diagnoses among women ages 20
449 SelfWork: How to Heal From An Affair
Do you know how to heal from an affair?This episode is once again motivated by a wonderful question from a listener. He’s a guy whose been in a relationship for many years – had an affair – or as he says “I cheated." But he now realizes that he still has deep feelings for his girlfriend. He wants to know how the two of them need to approach reconciliation together. I was struck by his sincerit
448 SelfWork: Watching My Mother Disappear
Today's episode is about watching my mother disappear.She wasn't a magician; she didn't physically leave all of us. She disappeared after she very bravely went into rehab and got off the massive amounts of prescription drugs she'd been taking for decades.My mother would've been 100 years of age this week, a feat she wouldn't have liked as she hated aging. I think of her a l
YGTG SelfWork: AI and Therapy: Are You Chatting With A Bot?
Do you chat with a bot these days? Is AI feeling like therapy to you?Here's a new "You get the gist" segment of SelfWork!I was surprised the other day by someone saying that – in their battle with an upcoming divorce and ongoing separation – that they’d been talking with an AI chatbot. And that it was helping in its own way.It reminded me a little bit of the first time a new client tol
447 SelfWork: Seven Ways Conflict Can Work For You
Conflict can work for you and help you create more intimacy in your relationship.I’ve worked with so many couples on how to work through conflict. And there are definite things to do and things not to do. As I said in the last episode (which you might want to listen to if you haven’t..) a relationship that avoids conflict, where one or both people don’t talk about the elephant in the room, is also
446 SelfWork: If You're Avoiding Conflict, You're Avoiding Intimacy
In this episode, we’re going to focus on nine very real consequences or dangers of avoiding conflict in partnerships, in marriages, and in committed relationships. It’s a response to a listener’s question – and I’ll read a part of her email. In general, conflict-avoidant relationships also become intimacy-avoidant relationships. Avoiding the conflict can stem from fear of the loss of the relation
445 SelfWork: Fighting for Ella: A Conversation About Suicide Preventionwith Martha and Chris Thomas
Today on SelfWork, we're talking with a mother and father whose beloved daughter Ella, at age 24, died by suicide. And how they've dedicated their lives to suicide prevention.I was introduced to Martha and Chris Thomas through a family member who told me about their daughter’s suicide. They’ve chosen a path, along with their son Solomon, an NFL football player, to try and keep any other fa
444 SelfWork: How to Heal Your Mind Through Your Body: A Conversation with Karden Rabin
If you want to find out how to heal your mind through your body, this interview with the very kind and compassionate Karden Rabin is a must-listen.Drawing on decades of research in neuroplasticity, psychology, trauma, behavior, clinical experience with clients, and their own personal journeys of recovering from chronic illness and pain, Jennifer and Karden teach readers how to learn and ‘speak’ th
443 SelfWork: What to Do About Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation can be hard to figure out. But when you do, it's also hard to know what to do about it.So today, I’m going to use two such questions from listeners to give you some ideas. First is from a mom who took care of her granddaughter a lot early on – and now feels that her daughter and her relationship has become toxic and the daughter is withholding her child from her.Second i
442 SelfWork: How to Get Over the Feeling That You're Not Important
Today we’re going to focus on the feeling that you're not important - a feeling likely created by how you were parented.How does this happen? Your parents' careers came first. The parents themselves came first for one another, only caring for the child as a secondhand and almost bothersome activity. Your being wasn’t celebrated – instead what you could achieve got some notice, as long as y
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