When Our Adult Children Walk Away
This podcast recounts the host's personal experience of estrangement from her adult daughter, who cut off all communication under the influence of a partner during the pandemic. Dr. Janet Steinkamp, a professional in medical education and communication, shares her journey of isolation and pain. She uses her formal training to help others struggling with fractured family relationships, coaching both parents and adult children. The podcast offers strategies to strengthen communication, find hope, and work toward rebuilding relationships. It is a resource for those navigating the dark days of estrangement.
Episodes
The Message Behind the Message (Audio Only) | After Hours Series
When a message arrives from an estranged adult child, the first read is rarely the real one. The words on the page are filtered through pain, through other voices, through timing, and through emotions that have been building for a long time. In this After Hours episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna take one of the most discussed topics from Virtual Office Hours and open it up: how
Are We Really Listening? The Difference Between Hearing and Being Present (Audio Only)
Are we really listening — or just waiting for your turn to speak? There’s a difference between hearing and listening that most of us never stop to examine, and in estrangement, that difference can be the distance between repair and permanent disconnection. In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp breaks down what active listening truly requires, why passive listeni
After Hours from Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 - Why aren't' they responding? (Audio Only)
Are you an estranged parent who finds themselves asking the same question over and over... "Why isn’t my message landing the way I intend?" Or, "Why isn't (adult child) responding?"In this first After Hours Series episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna take the most urgent issue from their inaugural Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 and share it here: w
Is Social Media Making Estrangement Worse? What the Research Actually Says
Welcome back to When Our Adult Children Walk Away, a podcast dedicated to one of the most painful, and one of the least talked-about, experiences a family can go through: estrangement. I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp. No guilt. No shame. No blame. Social media did not cause your estrangement. But it may be making it feel more permanent, more absolute, and harder to resolve. In this episode, Dr. Janet
When It Was Us Part 3; The Way Back (audio only)
In Part 3 of the three-part series, When It Was Us, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna step into the sacred, complicated territory so many families long to understand: what actually happens when an estranged adult child comes back. Not the Hollywood version. Not the social-media version. The real one.The email that didn't mention their relationship at all. The first face-to-face mee
When It Was Us — Episode 2: The Silence (audio only)
What happens in the years right before an adult child walks away — and what does the silence that follows actually feel like, from both sides? In Part Two of When It Was Us, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna go into the hardest part of their story: the years after Bri graduated from college, the slow accumulation of stress and shame that pushed her to her breaking point, the conversatio
When It Was Us - Episode 1: How We Got Here (audio only)
What does estrangement actually look like before it happens? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp does something she has never done before — she opens up about her own estrangement, inviting her daughter Brianna to join her for a candid, unfiltered conversation about the years that led up to Bri walking away from their family.This is Part One of a three-part series. Together, Janet
OMG They're back! Now what do I do?? How do I know if I'm ready?
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, you’ll walk through one of the most fragile and hopeful moments in estrangement: when your adult child reaches out. Whether it’s a short text, a knock on your door, or a message passed through a family member, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you see this tiny gesture for what it really is—a careful test of safety. You’ll learn why urgency is not your
Parental Estrangement and Acceptance: Finding Your Way From Rejection to Renewal
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, you’ll explore what comes after the slog through the first three swirling stages of grief. After the shock, anger, and despair have swirled for a while, you're likely to find yourself so exhausted that you're ready to move out of the darkest days.Dr. Janet walks with you through the courageous decision to move from the dark abyss of p
The Emotional Nexus of Parental Estrangement: Rejection
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Steinkamp takes a gentle but honest look at one of the most painful aspects of estrangement: the deep sting of rejection. When our adult child pulls away - slowly or suddenly - it can turn daily life upside down. The decision to step away can shake a parent’s identity, confidence, and every memory about the relationship. No matter where an
Aligning Your Communication With Your Adult Child's Perceptions
It’s natural to feel compelled to reach out to fix things at every level of estrangement. We’ve been taught to pursue, talk, challenge, and perhaps even expect certain aspects of a relationship with our adult child.You want closeness, but every “fix it” attempt seems to push your adult child farther away. The tension escalates, accusations worsen, and hurtful words or actions become more personal.
Dad and Grampa: Navigating Estrangement Across Generations
Being a strong and steady father to an adult child and a grounded grandfather to their children matters deeply, especially in families experiencing tension or any level of estrangement. The importance isn’t about control or authority, it’s about regulations, emotional safety and continuity across generations.In this episode, you’ll better appreciate the challenges and importance of recognizing bou
When Estrangement Shakes Our Faith: How loss, silence, and longing can impact spirituality.
When someone is living with any degree of estrangement, it can feel as though everything they once believed to be true about the relationship has shifted, including their faith. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores how estrangement from an adult child can unsettle long-held beliefs and erode spiritual confidence.Practices that once offered comfort, such as prayer, meditation, or worship,
Mom, Mentor, Grandma: Flexing Roles Without Fueling the Fire of Estrangement
The days of straightforward expectations about how moms transition from being a child's mom to mom to an adult child, and finally, from mom to a grandparent, are long gone. The challenge of understanding our adult children's expectations is real.More and more often, moms tell me that as their adult children became independent, they thought they knew how to relate to and communicate with
Stillness, Space & Grace: Surviving Estranged Holidays
The winter holidays can shine a harsh spotlight on your estrangement, can’t they? While everyone else seems to be posting perfect family photos, you’re left wondering how to get through the season when your family table isn’t complete.In this episode, Stillness, Space, and Grace, I'll walk you through the emotional landmines of “high-risk days” such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other meani
The Unrest of Not Knowing: Letting Go of The Need for Certainty in Estrangement
You’re not crazy for wanting answers—you’re human. It's human nature to want to know how and why things happen. In estrangement, too often the answers don't come, and we are challenged to find closure amid ambiguity.In this episode, I'll walk you through the unrest of not knowing in parent–adult-child estrangement. You’ll hear why many adult children don’t offer explanations (overwh
When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays
The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday. We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast. In this episode, you’ll learn why the winter holiday season feels so intense in the face of estrangement. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Ma
Respecting No-Contact: 8 Strategies to Find Strength in the Stillness
When the phone stops ringing and your texts go unanswered, the quiet can feel unbearable. In “Surviving the Silence,” Dr. Janet Steinkamp walks you through how to use this season with purpose so you don’t ruminate and drive yourself to distraction through catastrophizing. You’ll learn eight practical strategies: anchoring in reality (from a 360° view), managing the spiral of rumination, practicing
8 Ways To Be a Supportive Mom and Loving Grandma Without Overstepping or Being Taken for Granted
Hi Listeners, Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance. If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially wh
Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3): Gatekeepers & Coercive Control
Learn about navigating “Gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.In this deeper dive on coercive control, you’ll learn how to keep the light on for your adult child when a partner is acting as a gatekeeper. Dr. Janet shows you how to stay calm under pressure, send short and safe messages that won’t be weaponized, choose lower-risk communication channels, and avoid fe
Peeling the Onion (Layer 2): Cutting into the 7 layers of coercive abuse
You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estr
Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1): Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work.You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why
When the Green Monster Rears Its Head: Jealousy and Estrangement
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement.In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships.Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is diffe
6 Mistakes Estranged Parents Make That Delay Re-Establishing Communication
Estrangement is often painful, disorienting and frustrating. Even the most well-intended parents can unknowingly make things worse. In this episode, I explore the six common mistakes I see parents make when struggling to reconnect.The ways we communicate, such as blaming, shaming, guilt-tripping, and insulting, push our adult children further away. It's easy to fall into rounds of tit-for-tat
When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting and Coercive Control
In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate. Sometimes emotionally charged dynamics are fueled by our communication style, sometimes by our adult child's, and sometimes by someone else entirely. Enter the concept of coercive control and the cult
How Do You vs Your Adult Child - Decide Whether to Attend Social Events on High Risk Days?
Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?!How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc?In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choose
Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries
When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren. Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip,
The Yin and Yang of Parenting Adult Children: Nurture, Structure and Estrangement
Hi and welcome to the WOACWA podcast.I want to invite you to rethink the dynamics of parenting adult children through the lens of yin and yang—balancing empathy with wisdom, flexibility with boundaries. In this episode, we explore how excessive permissiveness or parenting grounded in control can harm our relationships, in particular, our relationships with our adult children. We explore strategies
5 Ways High Risk Days Feel Different for Parents and Adult Children
Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, never to wonder about us again.In this episode, I offer insight into how emotionally charged, high-risk days —such as holidays, birthdays, and anniver
5 Common Mistakes Therapists Make When Working With Us - Estranged Parents
If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize
Father’s Day in Silence: A Heart-to-Heart for Estranged Dads
This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child.Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode
It’s Not Just About the Past: Why Adult Kids Stop Talking to Dad
Are you a dad of an estranged adult child wondering, "How did things get this far?"—you’re not alone. In this short but eye-opening episode, we unpack the real reasons many adult children choose to step away from their fathers. From unresolved childhood pain to emotional disconnect, this conversation sheds light on the deeper issues that often go unspoken.We’ll also talk about how tradit
The Three A’s: Apology, Accountability & Amends - What's the Difference and Why It Matters
What’s the difference between an apology, accountability, and making amends? Why does it matter so much to your adult child when you're estranged from them? I can't seem to get it right! In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp unpacks the emotional and practical power of these three crucial tools.You'll learn: ✔️ Why simple apologies often fall shor
Rebuilding Trust: How Estranged Moms Can Reconnect- Episode 2
This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you.We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a
Crossed Wires: The Role of Emotional Incest in Estrangement
Premier Content - Subscriber-only EpisodeHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.This one’s tough—there’s no getting around it. And! It is a new and growing element of conversations related to estrangement.There was a time when incest was all-inclusive - physical, mental, emotional, etc. The tim
The Hardest Days: What is a high risk day and how to prepare (Overview) Episode 1 of 5
Some days are more difficult than others. Some days shine a spotlight on our estrangement grief - the silence and loneliness. These are high-risk days. On high-risk days, the silence can be deafening. High-risk days trigger more intense feelings. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important days can be reminders of your estranged adult child. These are what we refer to as high-risk days
When Mother’s Day Hurts: 10 Reasons Our Kids Pull Away
Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of emotional turmoil, can trigger our grief, and can shine a light on the empty chair at the dinner table - especially when your relationship with your adult child feels broken or distant. In this episode, we’ll examine 10 reasons adult children who are or have been estranged say they step back or walk away from their moms. We'll also consider how you might res
Managing High-Risk Days: How to Protect Your Heart, Mind and Future Relationship
Whether it's a holiday, birthday, or significant life event, high-risk days may – usually do - heighten the pain, loneliness and embarrassment of estrangement. In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp offers practical strategies to help you prepare, set boundaries, and maintain emotional balance.💡 Understand why these days feel harder than others and why you f
Close But Different: Rejection vs Dejection
If you’re experiencing some degree of estrangement, you have almost certainly experienced the sting of rejection and the emotional gut punch of dejection. When some part of our involvement in our relationship is rejected, we can become overwhelmed by disbelief, anger, hurt feelings and despair. In this episode, we’re breaking it down. Rejection is the action – the delivery of the message. It is w
5 Differences: Therapist or Coach? Which is best in my circumstances?
Ever wondered whether you need a therapist or a coach to help with your family estrangement (or any big life challenge)? Or maybe both? What if a person is professionally licensed and trained as both a therapist and an estrangement coach?In this episode, we break down the key differences between the two—how they work, what they focus on, and who might be the best fit for your circumstances.We’ll t
5 Ways Therapists and Coaches can Help Resolve or Reinforce an Estrangement
This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you.In this episode, we’re diving into the different but complementary roles therapists and coaches play in family estrangement—whether they’re helping to heal relationships or
Reasons 11 - 20: 20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift (Extended)
This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe.https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you.Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyp
It's True, Moms and Dads Experience and Navigate Estrangement Differently (Extended)
This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe.https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you.Unlike the short episode with the same title, this episode examines differences and similarities in how moms and dads describe their experiences and strategies for navigating
It's True, Mom's and Dad's Experience and Navigate Estrangement Differently (Short)
In this episode, we dig into some of the differences and similarities of how moms and dads tell us they experience and navigate estrangement. Yes, dads and moms often experience estrangement differently. And, in ways, similarly. Only... we know it isn't really that simple, right?I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender. The concept oversimplifies and
Reasons 1 - 10; 20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift (Extended)
20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift - A Deep Dive Into Reasons 1-10 (Extended)Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile re
The "Let Them Go" Movement and It's Distant Cousin "Let Them Go - Good Riddance" (Short)
The "Let Them Go" movement grew out of the emerging phenomenon of parental and family estrangement. Originally the movement was based on positive acceptance, open minded awareness, and love. This movement emphasizes personal well-being and the right to distance oneself from harmful dynamics.More recently, the movement has spun off a 2nd movement. We now hear from a “Let Them Go – Good Ri
Stop The Noise! The 20 Gifts of Walking on Eggshells (Short)
Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for par
6 Tips to Proactively Give Space to Your Adult Child and Avoid Misrepresentation
In this episode, I discuss six tips that will proactively ensure you give space to your adult child and avoid misrepresentation by others. This topic is a continuation of discussions about communication, how to maintain it, how to ensure direct access if and when either the parent or adult child is compelled to reach out, and how to ensure others represent you accurately to others who may also be
Is the Sky Really Falling? How to Avoid the Habit of Catastrophizing
In this episode, we consider avoiding or getting out of the habit of catastrophizing. You might be saying, “Hasn’t the worst already happened?” I suggest that it hasn’t. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that anticipating a catastrophe does not help move you toward preparing to repair and establish a new connection. Catastrophizing holds you in disbelief, anger and despair.Catastrophizing is a c
Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message
In this episode, we crack the Busy Body Code. I share several easy strategies to manage a busy body by controlling your message. You can protect your privacy, ensuring that more energy can focus on maintaining emotional well-being. I share several responses you can use when approached by even the most well-meaning "share-er." I provide ways to sort through publicly neutral messaging to e
Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Extended)
So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm frequently asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf. I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to approach an adult child without the parent's
The Terms of Estrangement - Definitions and Implications (Extended)
Adult children involved in estrangement often use specific terms and phrases to articulate their feelings and experiences. Newly estranged parents must understand and adopt these terms in today's context to fully grasp what their adult child tells them. It is not unusual for parents to become frustrated and feel imposed upon when they learn the new definitions and meanings of words and phrase
Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Short)
So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm often asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf. I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to approach an adult child without the parent's in
What the H@!! are they talking about? Reproductive Memory vs Reconstructive Memory (Definitions and Differences) Extended
Memory distortion is common in our human experience. It can be particularly relevant in crumbling relationships between parents and their adult children. Too often, what were once happy or benign memories morph - seemingly - suddenly into abusive and traumatic events. Parents are often caught off guard and sent reeling into a cycle of disbelief, anger, helplessness and pain.To complicate matters f
What the H@!! are they talking about? Reproductive Memory vs Reconstructive Memory (Definitions and Differences) Short
Memory distortion is common in our human experience. It can be particularly relevant in crumbling relationships between parents and their adult children. Too often, what were once happy or benign memories morph - seemingly - suddenly into abusive and traumatic events. Parents are often caught off guard and sent reeling into a cycle of disbelief, anger, helplessness and pain.To complicate matters f
Note to Self: 10 Daily Tips to Keep You in the Parent-Partner Lane
A few years ago, in the middle years of our family's estrangement from my adult daughter and grandchildren, I adopted the phrase "Parent Partner.” I borrowed the term from the early days of divorcing parents (remember Gweneth Paltro's divorce from Chris Martin?) working together to co-parent young children. The concept is that divorcing parent-partners choose to work collaboratively
What, When and How: Apologize or Explain (Extended)
In healthy and effective communication, the strategic use of apologies and explanations can significantly influence the outcome and effectiveness of our efforts to manage potential rifts in our relationships. Both play an essential role in maintaining trust, reducing confusion and ensuring seemingly small grievances don’t become catastrophic.In this episode I provide a detailed explanation of how
What's the Difference? Apology and Explanation (Short)
In healthy and effective communication, the strategic use of apologies and explanations can significantly influence the outcome and effectiveness of our efforts to manage potential rifts in our relationships. Both play an essential role in maintaining trust, reducing confusion and ensuring seemingly small grievances don’t become catastrophic.Where apologies address the emotional aspects of a confl
3 Ways Estrangement is Different for Dad's
This Sunday in the US is Father's Day. Many families around the country will spend time celebrating their dads. But, the day can be difficult for our estranged dads - and research tells us that the same is true for many of their estranged adult children. For estranged dads and adult children, the day shines a spotlight on circumstances that led to their strained or fractured relationships.Es
8 Healthy and Emotionally Charged Realities of Letting Go
Parenting doesn't end when our children grow into adulthood; it just evolves into a different phase with its own set of challenges. Parents often struggle with letting their children become independent adults. It can be hard to transition from being the primary decision-maker to taking a backseat role in their lives.We are challenged to Let Go. We are faced with finding a new balance in how m
What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing
The concept of gaslighting has become a common term over the past few years. So what is it and why is it that our adult children are quick to accuse parents of gaslighting?Gaslighting is when someone says something convincingly and with authority puts into question another's perspective and experiences. Gaslighting pushes others to change their own thinking, beliefs, observations, and values.
8 Things Our Adult Children Consider Before Leaving or Reconnecting
Estrangement is most accurately defined as a continuum of distancing. Estrangement in families refers to voluntarily or involuntarily distancing oneself from one or more family members or loved ones, usually due to significant conflicts or issues within the relationship. Checkout https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement to find a very helpful image of the estrangement continuum.
What is the Difference: Independence or Estrangement
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/aboutOne of the most frequent questions I'm asked is, "How do I know if my child is cutting ties and wants to be estranged?" Why is it important to understand the differences and similarities? Knowing the difference helps us assess the health of a relationship. Take a listen as I dig in and talk about the differences. And - importantly -
The Continuum of Estrangement - Where does your relationship sit?
Determining the level of estrangement between you and your adult child can involve some introspection and assessment of your relationship dynamics. Are you asking yourself questions like: What is the Continuum of Estrangement? What is the progression of distancing? How do I know if my adult son or daughter is on the continuum? How do I slow down the increasing distancing of my son or daughter?Thi
5 Imposters: The Anatomy of an Authentic Apology
For parents and adult children experiencing some level of estrangement (see the Continuum of Estrangment link below) understanding what an authentic apology means can be pivotal in repairing their differences. In this episode we dig deeper into the 5 imposters of an authentic apology. You will learn how to recognize and avoid these imposters, preparing you to recognize your responsibililities, how
3 Lies and a Truth - The Amends Letter
If you've listened to other WOACWA podcast episodes, you know that I ground my work in effective, respectful, and intentional communication. I integrate communication training with my six-stage Estrangement Grief Model (Disbelief, Anger, Despair, Acceptance, Transformation and Maintenance). By this, I mean that our estrangement journey can be most effectively navigated and remedied by reflec
Estrangement Grief - Stage 6 - Maintenance
In this episode, Dr. Steinkamp presents the sixth stage of Estrangement Grief. During the stage of maintenance - Maintenance. In this stage, we have embraced some of the changes we chose to make in our lives after moving through the first five stages of estrangement grief. We have embraced our imperfections, grown to forgive ourselves and our adult child and come to recognize that we can find pur
Estrangement Grief - Stage 5 - Transformation
The transformation stage of grief in the context of estrangement typically refers to the process of adapting and finding meaning after experiencing the loss of a relationship with a close family member, friend, or significant other. Estrangement involves a significant emotional distance or fracturing of a once-close relationship. The stages of grief in my model are: Disbelief, Anger, Dispair, Acce
Estrangement Grief - Stage 4 - Acceptance
The acceptance stage of estrangement grief is one of the phases individuals may go through when experiencing the pain and emotional turmoil associated with being estranged from a family member or significant other. It is important to note that the grieving process is subjective and varies from person to person.During the acceptance stage, individuals may begin to acknowledge and come to terms with
Estrangement Grief - Stage 3 - Despair
In this – the 3rd stage in my estrangement grief model, we sit in Despair. In the Despair stage, our primary experience and emotions include agony, hopelessness, depression, rejection, lack of joy and happiness, woefulness, blame and shame. We ask questions like – why me, why our family? Where did I go wrong? Embarrassment and isolation set in and can sometimes take hold. In the early stages of es
Gratitude, Holidays and Estrangement
[This episode was recorded and produced in November of 2023. It was published and distributed in January of 2024. The content is applicable to all holiday celebrations and gatherings. Our apologies for the delayed availability.]Dealing with the holidays as estranged parents can be challenging, but it's possible to navigate this time with self-care, communication, and thoughtful planning. In t
Houston We Have a Problem! Are Parents Scrubbing the Launch?
Remember the 2006 comedy Failure to Launch, starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew McConaughey? I found it pretty easy to identify with Kathy Bates, who plays the mom (Terry Bradshaw plays the dad) – of a son who would not stand on his own two feet. They had to creatively coerce their adult son to move out. Well, news flash. The tide has turned, and we – the parents –- are more and more often at
Estrangement Grief - Stage 2 - Anger
In this episode, we take a deep dive into the 2nd stage of my model of estrangement grief - Anger. This and the other five stages are uniquely related to crumbling relationships between family members. The primary experiences in the Anger stage are overwhelming indignation, exasperation, animosity, antagonism, bitterness, spite, fury and rage. We find ourselves saying things like – how dare they…
Estrangement Grief - Stage 1 - Disbelief
Unlike other models and theories, I refer to the first stage of grief in estrangement as Disbelief.In the stage of Disbelief, our primary experiences include shock, panic, overwhelming doubt, denial, minimizing or skepticism and rationalizing. During this stage, we tend to send many texts, email messages, and voice messages - imploring our adult children to listen to our explanations or answer our
6 Stages of Estrangement Grief - An Overview - Episode 1 of 7
Are you cycling through your emotions at warp speed? Are you angry in one moment and crippled by sadness in the next? Are you feeling helpless and hopeless? Wondering if life will ever be good again? Are you embarrassed to tell your friends, or perhaps your friends begin to pull away when you tell them about your broken relationship? In this episode, I provide an overview of the six stages of estr
5 Signs Your Relationship with Your Adult Child Is Unraveling – The Yin and Yang of Estrangement
Is your relationship with your adult child falling apart? Are things between you changing, but you can't quite understand why? Are you looking for ways you can stop the unraveling without making things worse? How bad are you willing to let things get before you take action? In this episode, we dig into the first two levels of estrangement on the estrangement continuum - Cordial Contact and L
Wait! What? You're leaving?! Does this mean we're estranged?
Is your adult child walking away? Did you miss the warning signs? How can you make sure it doesn't get worse? In this episode, I will define estrangement and we will get familiar with the continuum of estrangement. You will be able to determine where your relationship falls on the continuum. And I'll share some things you can do to stop the progression of estrangement in your relationshi
Introductory Episode
Hello Sweet Parents,Welcome to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away Podcast. I invite you to join me for a series of episodes in which we dig deep into the challenges today's parents face as we navigate the expectations of our adult children. In each episode, I explore a different aspect of estrangement, including the continuum of separation, the estrangement grief cycle, the critical role o
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