Untethering Shame
Untethering Shame is a weekly podcast hosted by licensed mental health therapist Kyira Wackett. It explores how shame—the fear of not being good enough—affects our lives, relationships, and self-worth. The show aims to help listeners build insight, take intentional action, and break free from the grip of shame. Each episode offers guidance on moving toward self-acceptance and authentic connection.
Episodes
Shame & AI: The Hidden Cost of Communicating Better with Salvatore Manzi
We all have two versions of ourselves now. The one who sends the perfect, AI polished email, and the one who stumbles through the meeting five minutes later. In this episode I sit down again with communication coach Salvatore Manzi to talk about what that gap is really costing us, and why AI didn't create our shame around communication, it just turned up the volume on it.We get into why a "neutral
You Don't OWE Your Parents Access to Your Kids
Once you have kids of your own, a hard expectation can show up: that your parents are automatically owed unlimited access to your children, and that everything painful between you and them should be forgotten now that there are grandkids in the picture. If you have ever heard "you're keeping them from me" or "after everything I did for you," and felt the guilt flood in, this one is for you.I want
Shame & Loss: What Grief Taught Julie Lucas About Receiving Love
"I thought I knew what grief felt like."A year and a half ago, Julie Lucas' husband Tommie left for a work trip and never came home. What she found on the other side of that loss was not the grief she expected — it was the shame of grieving wrong, the guilt of feeling okay, and the strange loneliness of being surrounded by people who love you and don't quite know how to reach you
When Your Parent Gives You the Silent Treatment (It's Not Your Fault)
When your parent goes silent... — if a parent has ever shut you out, given you the cold shoulder, or gone quiet to punish you, this episode is for you.We break down why the silent treatment is so powerful, why their silence is not your fault and not your job to fix, and three real scripts you can use to respond without falling into shame.In this episodeIn this episode of our series on messy parent
Shame, Meltdowns and Tantrums: Managing Emotions in Our Children & Ourselves with Dr. Bethany Bilodeau
Is it defiance, or is it fear?I sit down with Dr. Bethany Bilodeau (Dr. B), an expert in human behavior, to talk about why school refusal, meltdowns, and "non-compliance" are almost always a nervous system that does not feel safe, not a bad kid.Your child plants their feet at the front door. They will not get on the bus. They melt down over a spelling mistake, throw the game board, refuse to walk
Shame & Being Single: The Stories We Inherit About Being Alone with Amanda Quinby
You are not behind. That feeling has a source, and it is older than you are.Being single is not just a relationship status. For a lot of people, it carries a verdict built out of family questions, cultural timelines, and a lifetime of quiet messages about what it means to still be on your own.In this second conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Amanda Lynne Quinby, Kyira goes after where tha
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E61: You Already Know What You Need. So Why Aren't You Doing It?
Knowing is not the same as changing. And the personal growth industry has blurred that line for a long time.In this AMA episode, I answer an anonymous listener who has understood exactly what they need for years and still cannot act on it. We get into what is actually happening neurologically, where shame makes the gap wider, and what it genuinely takes to move from understanding your patterns to
Shame, Failing & Regret: When Mistakes Feel Like Proof with Telana Simpson
What does it really cost us to play it safe? And what do we do with the weight of regret when we realize, too late, how much of our life we spent protecting ourselves instead of living it?In this episode, Kyira sits down with Telana Simpson, Courage Coach, facilitator, and podcast host based in Johannesburg, South Africa. With two decades of coaching experience and a background in psychology, Tela
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E60: The Perfectionism Nobody Warned You About (It Looks Nothing Like You Think)
Perfectionism Is Not About Being PerfectPerfectionism is not about being perfect. It's about avoiding the feeling of not being enough.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I answer an anonymous listener who wonders why they procrastinate, abandon projects, and only show up when success feels certain.Therapist to therapist: your therapist is right. This is perfectionism, just not the version mo
Shame & Nervous System Healing: Why It Still Feels Hard (Part 2) with Elizabeth Kipp
If I understand my triggers, if I've done the work, why does it still feel so hard?In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Elizabeth Kipp, Stress Management and Historical Trauma Specialist, Certified Addiction Recovery Coach, Ancestral Clearing Practitioner, and international best-selling author of The Way Through Chronic Pain, for our fourth and final conversation in this series. T
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E59: The 2am Rehearsal (Why You Know Exactly What to Say and Still Can't Say It)
In this episode of Untethering Shame, I answer an anonymous listener who asks:"I have a list of conversations I've been avoiding. With my partner, with a friend, with my boss, some for months, some for years. I know exactly what needs to be said. I can rehearse the whole thing in my head at 2 a.m. and I still can't make myself have them. Why do I keep avoiding conversations that could
Shame & Masculinity: Learning Presence Instead of Performance with Alex
Why He Says This Is A Waste Of Time"It's not a character flaw, it's a chemical state."In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Alexander Pujol, a former physician assistant turned performance coach and founder of Quantum Human Performance, to talk about what is actually happening inside a man when he goes cold, shuts down, or tells you the conversation you are trying to have is a wast
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E58: Having Needs Doesn't Make You Needy (And Why You Were Taught Otherwise)
Having a need is not the same as being needy. Those two got conflated so early that for a lot of us they feel identical. They're not.This week's anonymous question: "Every time I try to ask for what I need I either over-explain and justify for twenty minutes, or I say nothing and then explode two weeks later. I was told so many times as a kid that I was too needy that I don't know how to have a ne
Shame & Your Symptoms: Why Nothing Is Wrong with You with David Bedrick
"The shame is it usually means curing yourself of yourself."In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with David Bedrick, psychotherapist, teacher, and author with more than 35 years of experience working with trauma, shame, addiction, body image, and chronic symptoms. David created The Unshaming Way, an approach that treats painful experiences as meaningful signals rather than problems to
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E57: Too Much and Not Enough at the Same Time (Understanding the Core Belief That's Been Running Your Life)
Do you carry a quiet, persistent feeling that you are somehow too much for some people and not enough for others, no matter how much work you've done? You are not alone. In this episode, we go beneath the strategies and the affirmations to the place where that feeling actually lives.We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I've been in therapy. I've read the books. I've done the work, and
Shame & Developmental Trauma: How Childhood Wounds Shape Our Worth with Jane I-Chen Liu
At 42, Jane went home to Taiwan for Chinese New Year and stayed in a hotel instead of her parents' house. It took four decades of healing work to get there.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Jane I-Chen Liu, LMHC, SEP, a therapist trained in IFS, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing, to talk about why boundaries with parents feel so impossible.We get into why you swing between ove
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E56: Why You Can't Say No to Your Boss (And What Your Worth Has to Do With It)
Do you say no with confidence to friends and family, then fold the second your boss sends a "do you have a few minutes?" message? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about why work boundaries feel impossible even after years of boundary work.We tackle a question from our listener Deb:"I've gotten better at limits with friends and family, but the second my boss asks me for something I
Shame & the Inner Critic: Understanding the Triangle Driving Your Escape with Jessica Fern & David Cooley
Why do we escape, what are we really running from, and what does it actually take to stop?In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley, co-authors of a new book built around the shame triangle. We go deeper into the four types of escapers: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, and aggression, and
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E55: Why Is It So Hard to Admit We’re Wrong?
Do you know you should apologize, but feel your whole body resist the moment it's time to say the words? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about why accountability feels so threatening, and why it has far less to do with ego than you think.We tackle a question inspired by one of my recent group workshops:"Why does it feel so uncomfortable to admit when I'm wrong or apologize, even
Shame & Division: Finding Connection Across Difference with Marcia Earhart
Grief doesn't only come from death. Sometimes it comes from the slow loss of a relationship, an identity, a place you used to belong.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Marcia Earhart, a grief and trauma-informed coach, mediator, and HeartSync minister, for a raw conversation about estrangement, complicated grief, and what it actually costs to belong somewhere you have to dis
Shame & OCPD: When Your Brain Never Stops and Society Calls It a Feature with Janice Russell
What if the traits you've been praised for your whole life, the perfectionism, the rule following, the relentless work ethic, were actually symptoms of a diagnosis most people have never heard of? In this episode, I sit down with Janice Russell, the Overwhelm Slayer, to unpack Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Not OCD. OCPD. Janice spent decades building a life that looked incredib
Shame & the Pill-Popping Culture: What Parents Don't Know and What That Silence Is Costing Our Kids with Michelle Kullman
Please note: this episode covers substance use, fentanyl poisoning, child loss, and grief. Take care while listening. If you're struggling, you can call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or reach SAMHSA at 1-800-662-4357. Michelle Kullmann was sure it would never be her kid. Then her 18-year-old son Cade took one pill at college, a fake Percocet that was 100% fentanyl, and he never came h
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E54: How to Teach Your Kids to Sit with Discomfort When You Haven't Learned It Yourself
Do you know you should teach your kids that discomfort isn't an emergency, but freeze because you have never figured out how to sit with it yourself? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about teaching a skill you are still learning, and why that might be the most powerful version of this work there is. We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I know I need to teach my kids th
Shame & Boundaries: Reclaiming Hope, Choice, and the Courage to Stop Tolerating What Drains You with Elizabeth Webb
What happens when you have done all the things, read the books, attended the webinars, and still feel disconnected from yourself? In this episode I sit down with Elizabeth Webb, positive psychology expert, coach, and author of Made for Magic, to talk about why so many of us stay stuck in patterns that drain us, and how we start choosing differently.We get into self-abandonment and the quiet ways w
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E53: The Three Buckets That Will Change Every Relationship You Have (Needs, Wants, and What You've Been Quietly Accepting)
Do you keep accepting things in your relationships that you never actually agreed to? You are not alone. In this episode, we get clear on the difference between what you genuinely need, what you truly want, and what you have just quietly been tolerating.We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I have three things I need from people in my life, like fifteen things I'd love, and then a whole
Shame & Lying: From People-Pleasing to Telling the Truth with Mary Beth Thomsen
You lie one to two times a day. So do I. And most of those lies have nothing to do with being a bad person.In this episode I sit down with Mary Beth Thomsen, intuitive and spiritual life coach, psychic medium, and shamanic practitioner, to unpack the real psychology of lying: why we lie, how lying starts in childhood as a survival strategy, and how those same protective habits turn into self betra
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E52: When You've Both Changed (How to Renegotiate a Relationship Without Blowing It Up)
Are you feeling disconnected from your partner even though you rarely fight? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the silent distance, outdated relationship contracts, and the unspoken changes that leave couples feeling lost.We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener:"My partner and I have been together for years and I love them, but somewhere along the way we becam
Shame & Childhood Trauma: How Early Wounds Become Core Beliefs in Adulthood with Sabrina Trobek
It's not what happened to you, it's the emotion you were never allowed to feel. Therapist and author Sabrina Trobak returns to Untethered Shame to explain why "the past is the past" keeps you stuck, and how one quiet core belief, not good enough, not important, not valued, drives anxiety, people-pleasing, and burnout.Another Untethered Shame episode that goes one layer deeper than you expected.Thi
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E51: When Family Calls You Selfish for Choosing Yourself (And How to Hold Your Ground Without Losing Yourself)
Have you ever made a decision you knew in your gut was right — then had someone you love tell you it was wrong, until you started doubting everything? Not because new information showed up. Just because their disappointment got so loud it drowned out your own knowing.If you've been there, this episode is for you.This week's question comes from a longtime listener and dear friend, Alice:"My family
Shame & Attraction: Why Your Brain Falls for the Wrong People with Leah Mitchell
Why do I keep choosing the people, relationships, and dynamics that confirm my deepest insecurities? That question sits at the heart of this episode. I'm joined by neuroscience-based love coach Leah Mitchell to unpack why we're drawn to the "wrong" people on a chemical level.We get into why we stay stuck seeking validation as adults, the truth about reaching for the "narcissist" label, how cortiso
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E50: Why You Keep Snapping (And What Your Reactions Are Actually Trying to Tell You)
Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly snapping at your loved ones? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the exhaustion, chronic stress, and burnout that lead to explosive reactions and intense shame.We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener:"I'm not an angry person, or, I mean, I guess at least I didn't used to be. But lately, I snap at my kids, I'm short with
Shame, Power, and Desire: A Trauma-Informed Look at Dominance & Submission
Stop treating your burnout with toxic habits. Explore the unexpected safety of letting go of control. In this episode, we sit down with Mistress Mia, a therapeutic dominatrix who uses her practice for deep inner work and self-development. We break down the cultural taboos surrounding kink, clarifying that the Hollywood image of leather and whips only makes up a small fraction of her actual profess
Ask Me Anything – E49: I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore (How to Find Your Way Back When Burnout Took Everything)
★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-auditIn this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:"I've been running on empty for so long that I genuinely don't remember what it felt like to be okay. I don't know what I like anymo
Shame & Silence: Lessons on Listening and Love from a Child of Deaf Adults with Maria Gallucci
In this episode, I sit down with Maria Gallucci, a multi-award-winning real estate agent, author, and a proud Child of Deaf Adults (CODA), to uncover the hidden realities of navigating a world built for the hearing. Maria reveals to me the heavy emotional burden of acting as a childhood interpreter, the massive accessibility gaps in the housing and medical systems, and how she turned a life of fee
Ask Me Anything – E48: Why Choosing Yourself Feels Like Losing Everyone (And What to Do When It Does)
★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-auditIn this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:"I finally started putting myself first. Boundaries, saying no, protecting my time. And instead of feeling better, I feel worse. My
Shame & Abandonment: Rescuing Your Inner Child with Bronwyn Schweigerdt
Listen in on another vulnerable conversation between Bronwyn and Kyira, both therapists, as they share their own challenges and insights on engaging with their parents. This conversation broaches the conflict many feel as we see how our unhealed wounds of childhood affect us today. Which begs the question: how do we have a relationship with that parent? What do we do with all our resentment so it
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E47: Why Rest Isn't Restoring You (And What an Energy Audit Actually Reveals)
★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-auditIn this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:"I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. I sleep, I take breaks, I even started saying no to things. But I still wake up exhausted
Shame & Conditioning: When Silence Was the Price of Belonging — Part 2 with Ingrid Hu Dahl
In this episode, we explore shame not just as a feeling, but as a deeply ingrained training system. Ingrid Hu Dahl returns to unpack how silence, obedience, and performance are often learned early as survival strategies, especially in families shaped by heavy cultural expectations or generational trauma.If you grew up learning how to perform for love instead of how to actually be safe, this conver
Shame & Nervous System Regulation with Elizabeth Kipp
In this powerful conversation, we welcome back Elizabeth Kipp for the third time to discuss the missing puzzle piece in addiction and recovery: shame. Rather than viewing shame as a mindset issue or a moral failing, Elizabeth explains the biological reality of our nervous system. This episode breaks down what happens when the body senses a threat, why we seek out immediate soothing mechanisms, and
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E46: When They Change After You Leave (And Why It Hurts More)
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I decided to separate from my partner after years of feeling unheard and emotionally unsafe. Now that I’ve pulled away, they’re suddenly being kinder and doing things I begged for in the past. It’s messing with my head. Does this mean I gave up too soon?”We explore the intersection of shame, attachment, and self-trust
Shame & Bully Culture: The Silence That Protects Toxic Leaders with Andy Regal
In this episode, I sit down with Andy Regal, a former television executive producer for major networks including MSNBC, CNBC, and Court TV, to discuss the pervasive issue of workplace bullying. Andy shares his deeply personal experiences with toxic leadership, detailing the severe psychological toll that covert and overt corporate abuse takes on high-performing professionals.From the inherent limi
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E45: Why Doesn’t Anything Ever Actually Fix Me?
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: keep thinking I’ve found the answer. The habit. The routine. The practice. The mindset shift. I go all in, hoping this will finally fix my burnout, loneliness, resentment, or anxiety.And when I’m not magically better a few weeks later, I feel defeated and stop.It makes me wonder if I’m broken or if nothing actually wor
Shame & Grief: The Hidden Cost of Self-Blame with Chris Mamone
In today’s episode, I’m sharing a special re-release of a conversation where I was a guest on The Empowered Journey podcast, hosted by Chris Mamone.Together, we explore shame not as something to eliminate or overcome, but as a deeply human experience that shapes how we relate to ourselves, our boundaries, and our sense of worth.This conversation moves beyond surface-level insight and into the quie
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E44: How the F*ck Are We Supposed to Be Mentally Well in a World Like This?
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:How are we supposed to be mentally well in a world that feels this broken?It feels wrong to be okay when so many people are suffering.It feels wrong to smile, rest, or enjoy my life.But I also can’t function if I’m constantly submerged in everything that’s happening.I don’t want to turn away.I don’t want to be numb. I d
Shame & Strength: Reclaiming Power Beyond Diet Culture with Clarissa Gannon
In this episode of Untethering Shame, I’m joined by Clarissa Gannon — certified coach, plant-based bodybuilder, and founder of EmpowerHER Wellness — for an honest conversation about shame, strength, and women’s relationships with food, movement, and body size.Many women are raised to believe that worth and safety come from being smaller — eating less, doing more cardio, and living in cycles of res
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E43: Gentle Parenting, Boundaries, and Parental Guilt
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:I believe in gentle parenting. I really do.I try to validate my child’s feelings, stay calm, and be patient.But by the end of the day, I hit a limit.I get firmer. Sometimes my tone changes. Sometimes I feel like the ‘bad guy.’And then I spiral that I’m not actually doing gentle parenting right.It feels like there are tw
Shame & Recovery: Naming the Space Between Sick and Well with Mallary Tenore Tarpley
Welcome back to Untethered in Shame. In today's episode, I sit down with Mallary Tenore-Tarpley to explore a part of recovery that is rarely discussed, yet nearly universal: the middle place. Often, society presents recovery as a binary choice of being completely sick or completely recovered. However, the reality is far more nuanced, and most people spend years in a space where progress and se
Shame & Success: Why So Many High Performers are Exhausted, Lonely, and Quietly Falling Apart with Garrett Wood
In this episode, I am joined by Garrett Wood, clinical hypnotherapist, executive functioning specialist, and founder of Gnosis Therapy, for a grounded conversation about high performance, shame, and sustainable well-being.Together, we explore why high-achieving, high-masking professionals often struggle with burnout, sleep disruption, and emotional disconnection (even when things look “successful”
Shame, Screens, and the Nervous System: Why Willpower Isn’t the Problem with Abby Payne
I am so excited for this conversation today because it’s one I have personally been sitting with, wrestling with, and actively experimenting with over the past few weeks.We are welcoming back the incredible Abby Payne, who many of you remember from our first episode together on people-pleasing, self-worth wounds, and the nervous system. And today, we’re exploring a topic that affects every single
Shame & Loss: Holding Space for What Can’t Be Fixed with Chris Mamone
In this episode, I sit down with Chris Mamone to talk about the complex reality of grief. Chris shares his personal experience of losing his son to stillbirth in 2022, and he explains how this massive loss forced him to re-evaluate everything he knew about processing pain. We discuss why grief goes far beyond just losing a loved one, noting that it can include job loss, moving, or losing relations
Shame & Money: Rewriting the Rules of Wealth with Mel Dorman
I am equal parts curious, interested, and a little scared because of the incredible things we talk about today. In this episode, I sit down with Mel Dorman to explore how we can heal our toxic beliefs about wealth and redefine what it means to be financially secure.Mel shares an incredible path, starting from living in a slum in Kolkata, India, helping women escape sex trafficking on a dollar a da
Shame & Narcissistic Abuse: When Love Slowly Turns Into Self-Abandonment with Kathy Wisniewski
In this episode, I am joined by Kathy Wisniewski, certified health coach, owner of True and Lasting Wellness, and host of the Tragically Beautiful podcast, for an honest conversation about shame, abuse, and reclaiming personal power.We unpack why abusive and disempowering relationships are often misunderstood, how shame keeps people silent, and why leaving is not the same as healing. Kathy shares
Ask Me Anything – E41: Radical Acceptance of Imperfection
In this Ask Me Anything episode, I am pressing pause on specific listener questions to unpack a theme that has been showing up constantly in my work: the radical acceptance of imperfection. I have been thinking a lot about mistakes lately, from the tiny ones to the parenting moments that replay in my head at 2 AM.I discuss why being human means we are imperfect and why that imperfection is actuall
Shame & Body Confidence: How the Binge-Restrict Cycle Transfers to Work, Life, and Hustle Culture with Jemma Haythorne
In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Jemma discuss the complex relationship between body confidence and shame, exploring personal journeys and societal influences. They delve into the importance of self-worth, the impact of societal standards on body image, and the journey towards body acceptance. Jemma shares insights on intuitive eating, the significance of body neutrality, and the challenges
Ask Me Anything – E40: You’re Not Behind — Letting Go of the Myth of Enough Time
In this episode, I am continuing our topic-driven conversations by tackling a feeling I know we all share: the tension between everything we want to do and what we actually have the capacity for. We live in a world that constantly tells us to do more, be more, and optimize more, creating a quiet, shame-filled narrative that if we can't keep up, something is wrong with us.I explore the radical acce
Shame & Parts Work: Understanding the Inner Voices Behind Binge Eating with Jane Pilger
In this episode, we welcome back Jane Pilger to explore the nervous system, shame, and the internal "parts" that drive our behaviors. While many believe binge eating stems from a lack of discipline, Jane explains that it is actually a nervous system response designed for protection. When we feel unsafe or overwhelmed, our bodies often turn to food as a way to regulate energy and numb difficult fee
Ask Me Anything – E39: Trauma Bonding Isn’t What the Internet Says It Is
In this episode, I step back from individual listener questions to address a topic that’s generating a lot of confusion right now: trauma bonding.We explore the intersection of shame, attachment, and survival and why trauma bonds are so often misunderstood as “poor choices” or “lack of boundaries.” Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:What trauma bonding actually is (and what it’s not)Why our bra
Shame & Getting Scammed: How Scammers Hijack Your Nervous System with Michele Ilich-Daubas. Part 2
Welcome back to the second half of this crucial conversation.If you haven’t listened to Part 1 yet, I highly recommend hitting pause and going back to listen to that episode first [LINK TO PART 1 HERE]. In that first episode, we laid the foundation—defining what "pig butchering" actually is and exploring the global machinery behind these scams. You really need that context for this episode to hit
🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E38: “When Helping Others Triggers Your Own Imposter Syndrome”
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous therapist who writes:“Sometimes it’s hard not to feel like a fraud when you’re helping clients through things you’re still struggling with yourself. How do you reconcile the shame of being seen as the expert when you’re still learning?”We explore the intersection of shame, imposter syndrome, and the myth of the “fully healed helper” — and
Shame & Scams: The Psychology of Deception with Michele Ilich-Daubas. Part 1.
In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Kyira sits down with Michele Ilich-Daubas, a former senior legal analyst at Meta and scam-prevention advocate, to unpack the psychology behind modern scams — particularly “pig butchering,” a highly sophisticated form of financial and emotional exploitation.Rather than framing scams as random or obvious, this episode reveals how they are long-term psychologi
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E37: When You Feel Guilty Saying No
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I always say yes to requests from my friends, family, and coworkers — even when I really don’t want to or don’t have the capacity. Then I end up resentful, tired, or feeling like I’m the bad friend or partner for refusing. How do I actually learn to say no without drowning in guilt?”We explore the tension between compa
Shame & The Inner Critic: Befriending the Bully and Awakening the Coach
In this episode of Untethering Shame, I am joined by Jessica Fern, a therapist, educator, and the internationally recognized author of Polysecure, Polywise, and her newest book, Transforming the Shame Triangle.Together, we explore the Shame Triangle: the internal loop that occurs between the inner critic, the shame part, and the inner escaper. Jessica explains how we internalize the "drama triangl
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E36: How Do I Trust Myself After Picking the Wrong People So Many Times?
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I keep ending up with emotionally unavailable people. I want to believe I’ve learned, but part of me feels like I’ll just make the same mistake again. How do I rebuild trust in myself?”We explore the intersection of shame, self-trust, and growth — and how our fear of repeating mistakes often hides our progress. Inside
Shame & Perimenopause: Breaking the Silence and Embracing the Evolution
Do you feel a sense of silent shame around aging or the changes happening in your body? In this episode, I sit down with relationship strategist Katie Rössler to discuss the often unspoken shame surrounding perimenopause.We explore how cultural perceptions of aging impact our identity and relationships, and why open communication is so critical during these transitions. We discuss the concept of "
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E35: Why Do I Lose Interest When Someone Is Nice to Me?
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“Why do I lose interest as soon as someone actually likes me or treats me well? I say I want a healthy relationship, but every time I find someone good for me, I get bored or start pulling away.”We explore the intersection of shame, safety, and desire — and how the nervous system often mistakes calm for disconnection. I
Shame & Speaking Up: Why We Stay Silent and How to Reclaim Our Voice with Salvatore Manzi
In this conversation with leadership communications coach Salvatore Manzi, we explore why so many of us struggle to use our voice — whether in meetings, relationships, friendships, or moments that matter. Together, we look at how shame, early conditioning, nervous system responses, and social dynamics shape our ability to speak up.Salvatore breaks down the myths around “quiet leaders,” shares how
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E34: The Fine Line Between Boundaries and Control
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I’m trying to be better about setting boundaries in relationships, but sometimes I feel like I’m just being controlling. How do I know the difference?”We explore the intersection of shame, fear, and self-trust — and how the tension between control and boundaries often reveals our deepest fears about being too much or n
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E33: When Social Media Becomes a Measure of Self-Worth
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I’m always trying to do more on social media — post more, show up more, engage more — because I feel like if I don’t, I’ll lose relevance or connection. But it’s exhausting. And every time I try to take a break, I feel anxious and invisible. How can I build a healthier relationship with social media that doesn’t make m
Shame & Money: What Money Fights Are Really About with Jordan Pendleton
Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships — and also one of the least understood. What starts as a disagreement about spending, saving, or financial priorities often turns into defensiveness, distance, and unresolved resentment.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I’m joined by Jordan Pendleton, a former financial advisor turned Money Conversation Coach for couples, to
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E32: Navigating Santa, Tight Budgets & Childhood Comparison
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“Kyira, I’m struggling with Christmas this year. Money is tight, and I know I won’t be able to give my kids the big gifts that their friends at school will likely get. I want them to feel the magic of Santa without feeling ‘less than’ when they hear what other kids got. How do I keep Christmas joyful and special without
Shame & Belonging: Growing Up Between Worlds and Coming Home to Yourself with Ingrid Hu Dahl
In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Ingrid Hu Dahl explore themes of identity, resilience, and the complexities of family dynamics. They discuss the importance of community, the journey of self-discovery, and the power of empathy in relationships. Ingrid shares her experiences of growing up mixed-race, navigating societal expectations, and the impact of her mother's influence on her life. The
🎙️Ask Me Anything - E31: When My Mom Keeps Crossing My Boundaries
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I’ve tried setting boundaries with my mom, but it feels like no matter how clear I am, she always finds a way to push them. Whether it’s showing up unannounced, commenting on my parenting, or guilt-tripping me for saying no, I end up feeling frustrated and ashamed for even trying. How do I handle it when someone I love
Shame & Conditional Love: How Childhood Scripts Shape Adult Relationships with Cassandra Johnson
In this deeply honest and emotionally rich conversation, Kyira and returning guest Cassandra Johnson explore the intergenerational patterns that shape how we love, communicate, perform, protect ourselves, and experience shame.Together, they unpack how childhood conditioning — from emotional dismissal to unpredictability to inappropriate responsibility — wires us for compliance, self-blame, perfect
🎙️Ask Me Anything - E30: How Do I Stay Grounded When the World Feels Uncertain?
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“Lately I wake up with this constant feeling of anxiety about the world — politics, climate, conflict, everything. I want to stay informed, but it’s getting harder to not spiral or feel hopeless. How can I stay engaged without being consumed by everything that’s happening?”Together, we unpack what it means to stay groun
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E29: When You Feel Invisible in Your Relationship
In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I feel like I show up in my relationship — I share, I ask, I try to connect — but my partner often doesn’t really see me or respond the way I hope. Over time, I’m left wondering if it’s me. Should I just accept that this is how they are, or how do I stop feeling invisible and start grounding myself in my own worth?”We
Shame & Online Dating: From Self-Erasure to Self-Worth with Amanda Quinby, PhD
In this episode of Untethering Shame, Kyira sits down with psychologist Amanda Quinby, PhD, to explore one of the most shame-charged arenas of modern life: online dating. From crafting the “perfect” profile to surviving ghosting, Amanda breaks down how dating apps become a minefield of comparison, self-doubt, and performance — and how to move toward fit and authenticity instead of chasing approval
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E28: When Your Brain Won’t Shut Off (Ruminating at Bedtime)
In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a listener question about nighttime rumination — that racing mind that won’t quiet down no matter how tired you are.Kyira unpacks why anxious thoughts spike at night, how shame and avoidance make it worse, and what it actually takes to create safety in your nervous system so rest feels possible. This episode explores practical tools for containment, self-compassio
Shame & Emotional Repression: The Hidden Cost of “Holding It Together” with Bronwyn Schweigerdt
In this episode, Kyira welcomes back Bronwyn Schweigerdt, licensed marriage and family therapist and self-described “anger expert,” for part two of their powerful discussion on emotional repression and radical self-integration.Together, they unpack what happens when we silence our emotions — and what it takes to finally listen to them. Bronwyn guides Kyira through an integration exercise that beco
🎙️Ask Me Anything – E27: When You Can’t Be There (Shame & Caregiving from Afar)
In this week’s AMA, Kyira responds to a listener navigating the guilt and shame of loving a parent from afar after a serious health diagnosis. Despite knowing his dad doesn’t expect him to drop everything, he feels like a “bad son” for not being there in person.Kyira explores the tension between love, distance, and limits — and how shame often confuses grief with failure. This episode offers gentl
Shame & The Healing Backslide: Why It’s Normal to Revisit Old Patterns with Sabrina Trobak
Kyira reconnects with Sabrina Trobak, registered counselor, clinical supervisor, and author of Not Good Enough, to explore what happens when healing isn’t linear. Together, they unpack the moments that feel like setbacks—when shame whispers, “I should know better”—and reframe them as invitations to deepen awareness and meet ourselves with compassion. They discuss core beliefs like “not good enough
