Hey Gay Boy
Hey Gay Boy is a personal podcast from James Wallis about the unspoken aspects of growing up gay. Each episode explores gay identity, mental health, and the psychological patterns that men carry into adulthood after coming out. The show blends personal storytelling with reflections on shame, overthinking, and self-discovery. It aims to give language to experiences that often go unnamed, and is geared toward gay men who feel they are still unpacking their past.
Episodes
it was never about the six-pack
In this episode, I talk about the bodies we build and the validation we chase, and why getting the thing you always wanted so often leaves you feeling like a stranger to yourself.We've all got a thing. The abs, the jawline, the perfect picture, the number of likes. We call it a glow-up, taking care of ourselves, finally getting it together. But what happens when you get there, when the compliments
understanding the validation loop
In this episode, I talk about the validation loop - and why no amount of likes, compliments, or achievements will ever fill the hole we've been trying to fill since we were kids.There's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from spending your whole life being loved for a version of yourself you've carefully constructed. You get the job, the body, maybe even the guy - and still something feels
the drama triangle: the best thing I learnt in therapy?
In this episode, I talk about one of the most useful things I've ever learned in therapy — and why I think it changes everything once you see it.Most of us have been in conflict that just doesn't make sense. The friendship that keeps blowing up. The relationship that runs in circles. The moment you realise you've spent years trying to fix everyone else's problems and somehow ended up feeling like
how much did you sacrifice to survive?
In this episode, I talk about the quiet sacrifices so many of us made just to get through - and why it's never too late to start taking them back.Coming out is sold to us as the finish line. But what nobody talks about is everything you had to quietly give up to reach it.For most gay men, survival hasn't meant dramatic gestures. It's been the micro-adjustments. Softening your voice at work. Laugh
the velvet rage: the gay bible
In this episode, I talk about the book that helped me stop performing and finally start understanding myself, and why I keep coming back to it.The Velvet Rage is often called the gay bible, and for good reason. Alan Downs puts into words what so many of us have felt but couldn't name. The shame, the rage hiding beneath the smile, the exhausting cycle of chasing validation in love, at work, on soci
7 things therapy taught me
In this episode, I share seven things that three years of therapy taught me about being gay, growing up, and finally getting to know myself.From chasing validation to people-pleasing my way through discomfort, I unpack why so many of us, especially as queer people, learn to perform rather than just exist. And why that exhaustion is often a sign that something deeper needs attention.I talk about th
why rejection breaks us
In this episode, I explore why rejection hurts far more than we give it credit for, and why for so many of us, especially as queer people, it cuts straight to the bone.From being ghosted to the collapse of a relationship you thought was everything, I unpack why the pain isn't just about losing someone. It's about the younger version of you who never felt chosen, wanted, or safe.Drawing on psycholo
why is the gay community sometimes a bit sh*t?
In this episode, I explore the complicated reality of feeling like an outsider within the gay community, even after coming out. From the unspoken pressure to look, act, and perform a certain way, to the fragility of gay friendships and the loneliness that can exist in the middle of a packed nightclub, I unpack why belonging can feel so elusive. Drawing on psychological frameworks like the Minority
14 signs you're already healing
In this episode, I'm talking about the quiet, easy-to-miss signs that you're actually further along than you think. Because if you've spent years in survival mode, growth doesn't always feel like power. Sometimes it just feels like going home after one drink because you're tired, or receiving a compliment and saying thank you instead of deflecting it.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is
11 small acts to start healing gay shame...this week
gay shame runs deep - and it shows up in more ways than we realise. In this episode, I walk through 11 small, practical acts to help you start loosening shame's grip, stop performing for other people's approval, and reconnect with who you actually are. No big overhauls, no toxic positivity - just honest, doable steps you can try this week.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I exp
why happiness feels so hard for gay men
In this episode, I'm talking about that weird, nagging feeling where everything in your life looks fine, maybe even good, but you still feel flat. Like something's missing and you can't quite put your finger on it.I explore why happiness can feel so fragile, even when life is going well, and why so many gay men find themselves bracing for something to go wrong right in the middle of a good moment.
gay grown and still hurting
In this episode, I get personal about my own "soft rock bottom" and the unexpected therapy insight that changed everything: your wounded inner child is still calling the shots.I explore why so many gay men are still being shaped by the boy they used to be, why we're so uniquely vulnerable to childhood emotional wounds, and what it actually looks like to start healing. Not by silencing that scared
hey gay boy
Welcome to the very first episode of Hey Gay Boy.In this opening episode, I share what it felt like to spend years being the "perfect gay boy" - the overachiever, the people pleaser, the one who worked twice as hard just to feel like he deserved to be there. And what it cost me.This episode is almost like a love letter to any gay man who grew up editing himself, playing it small, and waiting for p
lets talk about gay shame
In this episode, we're talking about gay shame - and not in the way you might expect. This isn't about hating yourself for being gay. It's the quieter stuff. Lowering your voice around straight men.Calling your boyfriend "they" in certain conversations. Laughing at a joke that actually stings. We get into where that shame comes from, how it gets passed down through playgrounds and classrooms and
the dark side of growing up gay
In this episode, we're getting into something that doesn't get talked about enough - the trauma that comes with growing up gay, and why it doesn't just disappear once you're out. This isn't about the coming out story. It's about everything else. The daily conditioning, the messages you absorbed without realising, and the very real psychological toll of spending years navigating a world that wasn'
welcome to hey gay boy
Hello and thanks for being here.Welcome to Hey Gay Boy, the official home for reflections on growing up gay.This podcast is for gay men who grew up carrying things they didn't have a name for. The performing, the loneliness, the relationships that made no sense until they suddenly did.Each episode is a short, honest reflection on the psychology of growing up gay, based on years of immersing myself
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