Cinephobe
Welcome to Cinephobe: The Podcast where Zach Harper, Amin Elhassan and Anthony Mayes review movies that are poorly rated on Rotten Tomatoes, and try to ascertain whether or not those movies are accurately poorly rated, or maybe just didn’t get a fair shake. Cinephobe! Wherever you get Podcasts!
Episodes
Cinephobe Ep 313: Drive Angry
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Zach, Amin and Mayes take a hemi road trip across the dirty south to stop Cincinnatus Powell from killing a baby.
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Top 5 Delightmares
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Laura Linney's dubbed Congo a "delightmare", which she described as a great bad movie. Zach, Amin and Mayes all make their list interpreting what a "delightmare' means to them.
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Cinephobe Ep 312: Death Warrant
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Zach, Amin and Mayes investigate murder and mayhem in a prison where podcasting comes in handy.
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Cinephobe Hall of Fame - Class of 2021
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are confronted with the most productive year in Cinephobe history, with 62 movies due to the bonus holiday episodes.
Will Zach make a successful first nomination following Halle Berry's breasts and suckmydick dot com? Will these three bingos ever agree on something?
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Top 5 Wenchers
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Pull up a chair at the inn, and let Zach, Amin and Mayes regale you with tales from the sausage festival—so you too can master the manly art of wenching.
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Cinephobe Ep 311: The Order - Part 2
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Zach, Amin and Mayes prevent World War III.
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Cinephobe Ep 311: The Order - Part 1
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are a couple of playboy criminal podcasters looking for their missing dads in Jerusalem.
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Top 5 Business
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This isn't top five businessmen, it's top five BUSINESS, MAN... And it's time for Zach, Amin and Mayes to get down to said business.
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Cinephobe Ep 310: Navy Seals
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are an elite special podcasting unit with expertise in sea-air-land operations.
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Cinephobe Ep 309: Sidekicks
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are all sidekicks, they do things together.
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Top 5 Scientists
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It's always beaker month when Zach, Amin and Mayes get in the lab to record a truly groundbreaking podcast that benefits mankind.
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Cinephobe Ep 308: The Honeymooners
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Cue the music sting, cuz Zach, Amin and Mayes have another brilliant idea to get rich quick and take you to the moon.
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Cinephobe Ep 307: Mac & Devin Go To High School
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are living young and wild and free.
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Top 5 Artists
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Zach, Amin and Mayes think about the people in Cinephobe who are so skilled at a particular task, craft or occupation, that their creations have become indelible to the framework of the show.
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Cinephobe Ep 306: The Odd Couple II
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are reunited after 30 years to drive each other completely insane, except everyone is older this time.
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Cinephobe Ep 305: Getting Even with Dad
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Zach, Amin and Mayes have to take care of their estranged son the same week they execute the biggest heist of their careers.
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Top 5 Co-Workers
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As established in the last CT5, sometimes someone you think of as a good friend is actually simply a co-worker. Without the job bringing you together, would you still have a relationship with that person?
Zach, Amin and Mayes are here to differentiate between the two, and also highlight some people who are capable of getting things done, people you w
Cinephobe Hall of Fame - Class of 2020
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Zach, Amin and Mayes dive in to the first full calendar year of Cinephobe, from Episode 21: 6 Underground to Episode 64: Troll 2.
More nominees leads to more contention as the hosts make their case for immortality.
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Cinephobe Ep 304: My Boss's Daughter
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When Zach, Amin and Mayes get tricked into house sitting for their boss, they never could have anticipated the amount of wacky hijinks that would ensue!
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Top 5 Best Friends
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Zach, Amin and Mayes get Remy Niscent on the best buddies, chums and pals out there in an unsurprisingly deep list.
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Cinephobe Ep 303: Tommy Boy
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Zach, Amin and Mayes have to step up and save the family business.
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Cinephobe Ep 302: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are wistful for the days when you could get a $30,000 advance on your autobiography, E! True Hollywood stories served as documentaries and ElimiDate was still on TV.
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Top 5 Worst Writers
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Zach, Amin and Mayes present the scribes with the weakest pen game, the worst plotting and the most nonsensical understanding of the way movies or the world works.
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Cinephobe Ep 301: Senseless
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are signing up for an experimental drug trial, side effects be damned. How much do we get paid?
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Cinephobe Ep 300: Crossover - Part 2
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Zach, Amin and Mayes finally make it out of the D to Los Angeles, the land of orange trees, Mercedes giveaways and Cal ULA.
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Top 5 Voices
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You're listening to the dulcet tones of Zach, Amin and Mayes choosing their favorite real voices, not fake accents or altered pitch, but genuine vocalisation.
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Cinephobe Ep 300: Crossover - Part 1
Zach, Amin and Mayes tip off a new century of movies with an epic streetball classic that's NOTHING like the pros.
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Cinephobe Ep 299: Playdate
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Why would Zach, Amin and Mayes be forced to have a playdate at Buckee Cheese? Why would your step dad?
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Top 5 Dream Prequels
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Zach, Amin and Mayes come up with origin stories or re-imaginings of their favorite characters and Cinephobe movies
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Cinephobe Ep 298: Trippin'
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It's time for Zach, Amin and Mayes to stop daydreaming and apply to college in May of their Senior Year!
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Cinephobe Ep 297: Van Wilder
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are the kings of Coolidge College, having spent seven years perfecting their party liaison personas.
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Cinephobe Hall of Fame - Class of 2019
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Zach, Amin and Mayes induct the inaugural class into the Cinephobe Hall of Fame, going back through the first 20 movies to enshrine the best moments that stand the test of time.
1 entrant per movie.
5 entrants per year - No rollover to the following year.
Must be unanimously voted in by all three people.
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Cinephobe Ep 296: Dead Man On Campus
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are moving into their dorm for freshman year at Daleman College.
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Cinephobe Ep 295: Def Jam's How To Be A Player
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Zach, Amin and Mayes have the best day of their lives, driving around LA visiting various women, going to a family bbq and ending up at Maxwell's in Malibu.
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Top 5 Golden Dumpsters of 2025
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Believe it or not, another year is drawing to a close, so it's time for Zach, Amin and Mayes to conclude their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping Golden Dumpsters of 2025.
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Cinephobe Unlocked: 200 Cigarettes
Declassified from the archives, Zach, Amin and Mayes count down to the big ball drop with the final movie of the year. Will everyone show up to the New Years party in time to hook up with someone and avoid being jinxed for the entire following year? Will they smoke 200 cigarettes in this movie? Will Elvis Costello find his glasses? Are we still making the same jokes we made a year ago? Tune in to
A Very Cinephobe Christmas: Dashing Through The Snow
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Zach, Amin and Mayes spend Christmas Eve helping unhoused gentlemen get pot roast that falls off the bone.
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Top 5 Ass Ons of 2025
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Believe it or not, another year is drawing to a close, so it's time for Zach, Amin and Mayes to continue their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping performances of 2025 (but in a bad way).
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Cinephobe Ep 294: The Three Musketeers
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Zach, Amin and Mayes gingerly touch their tips to defend the King of France from the nefarious Cardinal Richelieu.
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Cinephobe Ep 293: Rush Hour 3
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are looking for any excuse to travel to Paris with their brothas from otha mothas.
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Top 5 Ass Offs of 2025
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Believe it or not, another year is drawing to a close, so it's time for Zach, Amin and Mayes to kick off their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping performances of 2025.
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Cinephobe Ep 292: Collateral Damage
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Zach, Amin and Mayes avenge the loss of their family by fighting terrorism with terror.
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Cinephobe Ep 291: The Mighty Ducks
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Zach, Amin and Mayes quack their way to a Pee Wee championship thanks to a widdle drunk driving, gerrymandering and money laundering.
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Top 5 Hi Sweet Annies
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Zach, Amin and Mayes round up their favorite movie couples that are supposed to be deeply in love, but showed the chemistry of two strangers that were introduced for the first time.
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Cinephobe Ep 290: Paul Blart Mall Cop
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Zach, Amin and Mayes slather their pie with peanut butter as Zach's twisted obsession with Kevin James continues.
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Cinephobe Mailbag V: Tommy 'The Machine' Gunn
Zach, Amin and Mayes answer your burning questions as we rapidly approach episode 300.
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Cinephobe is now on Youtube! Subscribe and check out CT5s on Video.
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Extended Cold Opens - June to September 2025
Your parents have had a long day of work and didn't have time to go to the store, so dinner tonight is Hungry Man extended cold opens in the freezer from Stigmata in June through War in September 2025.
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Cinephobe Ep 289: Rambo: First Blood Part II
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Zach, Amin and Mayes spend more time talking about Rambo than Rambo has ever spoken in his entire existence.
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Top 5 Gerard Butlers
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Uh, yeah I think Zach, Amin and Mayes are gonna choose the people they used to hate, but thanks to hundreds of years of Cinephobe they've been won over, like Gerard Butler did to Zach.
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Cinephobe Episode 288: The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to Japan to live with their deadbeat dad and get introduced to the underground Drift Racing scene by Lil Bow Wow.
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Cinephobe Ep 287: Retribution
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Zach, Amin and Mayes can't get out of their seats, or a pressure triggered bomb will explode.
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Top 5 Worst Endings
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Zach, Amin and Mayes look back on the most infuriating, baffling and ridiculously truncated movie endings in the history of the podcast.
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Cinephobe Ep 286: Ice Road: Vengeance
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are Kathmandu drifting down an icy 40% grade during a quest to scatter Gurty's ashes on Mount Everest.
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Cinephobe Ep 285: Pootie Tang
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Zach, Amin and Mayes sit down with titan of journalism Bob Costas to discuss Cinephobe's impact on the culture.
So wa-da-tah my damies, sine your pitty on the runny kine.
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Top 5 Shawn Levys
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Zach, Amin and Mayes choose their Shawn Levys, people that they absolutely hate, whether rational or irrational.
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Cinephobe Ep 284: True Memoirs of an International Assassin
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Zach, Amin and Mayes publish their TRUE podcast in the NON-FICTION category and it changes their lives forever.
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Cinephobe Ep 283: War
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are riding their motorcycles from the Triad district to the Yakuza district in order to recover some valuable thowwbwed statues.
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Top 5 We Have ___ At Home - Part 2
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Zach, Amin and Mayes bring in the king of 7-Eleven himself, Snacky Tuna for more of the off-brand version of the real thing.
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Cinephobe Ep 282: The Internship
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are googling google for a job that will allow them to leave their days of selling watches, mattresses and rascal scooters behind them for good.
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The Cinephobe Glossary
Zach, Amin and Mayes go back in time to explain inside jokes, references and terminology from the first 149 years of Cinephobe, to help listeners clarify where they originated.
If there are any jokes or terms that you feel like we missed and would like more information on, tweet us, email us, or leave a review
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Cinephobe Ep 281: War of the Worlds
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are teaming up without leaving their computers to stop alien robots from penetrating and draining the most precious resource on earth: DATA.
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Top 5 We Have ___ At Home
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are saving money on the real thing because they've got the Kirkland brand bootleg back at the crib in the form of a Cinephobe movie.
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Cinephobe Ep 280: The Shadow
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are picking loose meats with their purple coke nails to feed their chow, before having a rival opium farmer executed... And that's just the cold open!
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Cinephobe Ep 279: The Phantom
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are ready to Slam Evil with The Ghost Who Walks, a jungle folk hero from Bengalla Island.
No one refuses the Phantom!
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Top 5 Lawyers
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Objection! Zach, Amin and Mayes have betrayed the law by putting the greatest barristers in cinephobe history on retainer.
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Cinephobe Ep 278: Jurassic Park III
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No force on earth or heaven could get Zach, Amin and Mayes on that island... except an uncashed check that is certain to bounce.
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Cinephobe Ep 277: Terminator Salvation
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In the war against the machines, some believe Zach, Amin and Mayes hold the key to salvation, while others believe they are false prophets.
Only one thing is certain... you better smash that like and subscribe so we can keep podcasting truth to the resistance from Eugene to Bakersfield .
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Top 5 Vacations
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are leavin on a Money Plane, don't know when they'll be back again like Mr. Sunshine-on-my-god-damn-shoulders John Denver to visit the most appealing locations in Cinephobe.
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Cinephobe Ep 276: Highlander II: The Quickening
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There can only be one immortal podcaster left standing, so tune in to find out which of Zach, Amin and Mayes survive this episode while the others are left depackitated.
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Cinephobe Ep 275: Dracula 2000
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In the year 2000, a very sexy Dracula will return to feast upon the blood of Generation X, wear a floor length duster, discover Mardi Gras and listen to CDs at the Virgin Megastore without buying anything.
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Top 5 Accountability
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Zach, Amin and Mayes go through their past picks, decisions and actions to take accountability in front of each other and the world.
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Cinephobe Ep 274: Planet of the Apes
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are a couple of damn, dirty humans determined to prove that you never send a monkey to do a man’s job.
Start chittering now.
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Now That's What I Call Cinephobe! Vol. 1
Zach, Amin and Mayes revisit classic moments from the show's history.
It's a clip show, folks! Produced by Colin Casserd.
0:00 - Ep 106: American Ninja4:25 - Ep 65: Jiu Jitsu7:31 - Ep 45: Catwoman10:41 - Ep 121: The Five Heartbeats13:32 - Ep 171: Waterboy14:41 - Ep 26: 6 Underground15:07 - Ep 117: Cobra17:17 - Ep 189: MIB 218:28 - Ep 185: Hard Rain19:48 - Ep 107: Eddie20:38 - Ep 2: Next30:43 - E
Top 5 Worst Rentals
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Zach, Amin and Mayes reignite the Rental Wars by checking their bank statements for the movies that made them pay the biggest price (mentally & emotionally).
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Cinephobe Ep 273: Dunston Checks In
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are going bananas as a highly skilled orangutan thief is on the loose in the Majestic Hotel.
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Cinephobe Ep 272: Nowhere to Run
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Zach, Amin and Mayes are wearing suits to go camping in the Valley of the Moon, grilling steaks and drinking whiskey by a pond.
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Top 5 Mayes' Wedding
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Zach, Amin and Mayes debrief the latest Harper & Elhassan Wedding Chronicles, which included a shared notes app to jot down observations.
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Extended Cold Opens - November 2024 to May 2025
We're dipping back into our cold storage to defrost a pot pourri of extended cold opens from The Good Son in November through Rocky V in May 2025.
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Cinephobe Ep 271: Stigmata
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Zach, Amin and Mayes received some rosary beads (hi Brent!) in the mail and began gushing blood. Someone call Doctor Morbius.
CINEPHOBE MERCH STORE - Check it out here: https://bit.ly/CTDMERCH
Join the Count The Dings Patreon for Rewatchingtons, Ad-Free Episodes, Extended Cold Opens and more at www.patreon.com/Count
Top 5 Rehearsals
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Zach, Amin and Mayes deepen their Nathan Fielder obsession by taking his various techniques from The Rehearsal and applying it to situations and characters from the Cinephobe universe.
CINEPHOBE MERCH STORE - Check it out here: https://bit.ly/CTDMERCH
Join the Count The Dings Patreon for Rewatchingtons, Ad-Free Episodes, Extended Cold Opens and more
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