The Covert Narcissism Podcast
Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.
Episodes
Setting Boundaries After Narcissistic Abuse: What It Really Feels Like
Setting boundaries in a narcissistic relationship isn't just hard — it can feel impossible. In this Community Chat, Renee is joined by 2 ladies from the CNG community for an honest conversation about what boundaries really looked like in their relationships with covert narcissists.
They talk about growing up without healthy boundary models, what happened when they tried to voice even the most basi
Covert Narcissism and High Control Religion: When Church and Marriage Follow the Same Rules
Covert narcissism and high control religion follow the same rulebook — and if you grew up in one before entering the other, this episode will explain why it all felt so familiar.
In this deeply personal episode, Renee Swanson shares her own experience navigating both a high control religious upbringing and a covert narcissistic marriage — and the moment in a counseling office when she realized the
Covert Narcissism and Chronic Illness: Setting Boundaries When Someone's Pain Is Real
When someone you love is in real, chronic pain — how do you set a boundary without feeling like a monster? This episode tackles one of the most complex and underaddressed dynamics in narcissistic abuse recovery: what happens when covert narcissism and chronic illness exist in the same relationship.
Prompted by a heartfelt question from a listener in a long-term marriage, this episode explores how
Covert Narcissism: Why Your Fight/Flight Response Turned into Fawning
Covert narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt you — it rewires you. In this episode, Renee breaks down why your fight/flight response gradually turned into fawning, and why that isn't a character flaw — it's survival.
You'll learn why fight, flight, freeze, and fawn aren't random reactions. They're a hierarchy based on how much self-advocacy you feel you have. And in a covert narcissistic relationsh
Narcissistic Abuse Through the Lens of Taylor Swift's Dear John
Have you ever felt like you were in a relationship that slowly burned you out — and you couldn't quite explain why? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson breaks down Taylor Swift's "Dear John" through the lens of covert narcissistic abuse — and the patterns it reveals are ones you may know all too well.
We're talking about the moving goalposts. The walking on eggshel
I Thought I Was Losing Him: Hope for Parents Raising Kids Through Narcissistic Abuse"
Today my older son moved out. He is 26 years old. And as I watched him go, the last 26 years played through my mind — the good, the bad, and everything in between.
If you are a parent in a narcissistic relationship, you know the fear I am talking about. The one that sits in your chest and doesn't announce itself. The one that whispers — will my child be okay? I lived with that fear for years. I wa
Covert Narcissist’s Emotional Dysregulation: How It Affects Your Marriage and Your Kids
If you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know something feels deeply wrong — but you may not have the words for it yet. One of the most destructive and least talked-about patterns in narcissistic abuse is emotional dysregulation. And when a covert narcissist can’t manage their own emotions, the entire family pays the price.
In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcas
Stop Shrinking Yourself: Real Women on Losing Their Identity to Covert Narcissistic Abuse and Getting It Back
Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized the person staring back at you? If you've been in a relationship with a covert narcissist, chances are you know exactly what that feels like.
In this CNG Community Chat, I sit down with three women who each experienced the slow, painful erosion of identity that comes with covert narcissistic abuse. We talk about the moment they realized they ha
Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist | Narcissistic Abuse & Relationship Patterns
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TITLE: Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist | Narcissistic Abuse & Relationship Patterns
PODCAST DESCRIPTION: Are you in a relationship that's hard to explain but impossible to ignore? You may be experiencing narcissistic abuse — and not even know it yet.
In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson breaks down the Top 10 Sign
The Cult of Two: How Covert Narcissists Use Mind Control in Relationships with Rachel Bernstein LMFT
What if the most controlling relationship you've ever heard of isn't happening in a compound somewhere, but behind closed doors in an ordinary home?
In this episode, Renee sits down with Rachel Bernstein, one of the country's leading cult interventionists and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience. Together they unpack one of the most eye-opening parallels in psy
What If They Aren't a Covert Narcissist — Now What
One of the most paralyzing questions I hear from people in these relationships is not "how do I leave?" It is this: What if I'm wrong?
What if they aren't actually a covert narcissist? What if you walk away from someone who genuinely loves you — and you were misreading everything all along?
In this episode, we sit with that question honestly. Because you deserve more than just reassurance. You des
Why You Can’t Move On After Covert Narcissistic Abuse | Betrayal Trauma Explained with Dr. Debi Silber
Why is it so hard to move on after covert narcissistic abuse? Why can betrayal trauma continue affecting you years—or even decades—later?
In this powerful conversation, Renee Swanson sits down with betrayal trauma expert Dr. Debi Silber to explore the deep emotional, physical, and psychological impact of betrayal in covert narcissistic relationships.
Dr. Debi explains why betrayal is a unique form
Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Narcissist: What Your Rumination Is Really Chasing
If you've ever lain awake at 2am replaying conversations with your narcissistic partner or ex — rehearsing the perfect response, asking yourself why you can't just let it go — this episode is for you.
Rumination after narcissistic abuse is one of the most common and most misunderstood experiences in covert narcissist recovery. It feels compulsive. It feels impossible to stop. And most people in na
Recognizing Covert Narcissistic Abuse After 17 Years of Marriage: Community Chat
Have you ever felt like something was wrong in your relationship but couldn't find the words to describe it? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast Community Chat, I sit down with David, who spent 17 years married to a covert narcissist before finally being able to name what he was experiencing.
David shares how it started with recognizing passive aggressive behavior, how that led him
They Never Cheated, But You Still Feel Worthless: The Self-Righteous Narcissist Explained
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who never cheated, never raged, never drank — someone everyone around you thought was wonderful — and yet you constantly felt like you were the problem? Like you could never measure up, never quite get it right, never escape the quiet but crushing weight of their disappointment?
That's not your imagination. And it's not your fault.
In this episode
The Rewriting of Reality: How Covert Narcissists Distort the Truth and Make You Doubt Yourself
In this episode, we explore one of the most confusing and disorienting dynamics of covert narcissistic abuse: the rewriting of reality. This isn’t obvious gaslighting or explosive denial. It’s subtle, calm, and often presented in a way that makes you question your own perception over time.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling off, only to later be told you misunderstood, overreac
Your Body Knew Before You Did: Learning to Trust Yourself After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
If you’ve ever looked back on a relationship and thought, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?”—you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not wrong.
In this episode, we explore a powerful truth about covert narcissistic abuse: your body often recognizes what your mind cannot yet explain. While you may now understand the patterns, manipulation, and emotional abuse, your nervous system may still feel u
The Moment Something Finally Clicked: Seeing Covert Narcissistic Abuse Clearly
There is often a moment in covert narcissistic relationships when something finally shifts. The confusion begins to clear, the patterns start to make sense, and you realize that what you’ve been experiencing has a name. But that moment rarely comes all at once.
In this Community Chat, Renee is joined by Jenny, who shares her experience of what it looked like when things finally clicked for her aft
Healthy Boundaries After Trauma: Why You Lost Yourself in Covert Narcissistic Dynamics (Barb Nangle Part 2)
Episode Notes
This episode is part two of a special bonus series I’m sharing from another podcast that I think many of you will deeply connect with.
The show is called Shit That Goes On in Our Heads, hosted by G-Rex and Dirty Skittles. It’s raw, honest, and unfiltered—centered around real conversations on mental health, trauma, healing, and what it actually looks like to do this work in real life.
Cognitive Dissonance and Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Why You Couldn't See It Sooner
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” after being in a covert narcissistic relationship, you are not alone. The truth is, you didn’t miss the signs—your body was recognizing them long before your mind could make sense of what was happening.
In this episode, we break down the confusing experience of cognitive dissonance in covert narcissistic abuse—why your body felt anxious,
The Moment Connection Turns Into Correction: Covert Narcissism in Conversations
In this episode, we explore a subtle but deeply damaging communication pattern often seen in covert narcissism—when connection turns into correction. What starts as a normal, everyday conversation can quickly shift into scrutiny, where your words are picked apart, your intent is questioned, and the heart of what you’re trying to say gets lost.
This pattern, often experienced as constantly being co
Codependency, Trauma, and Why Boundaries Change Everything: Barb Nangle (Part 1)
If you struggle with codependency, covert narcissism, or feeling stuck in one-sided relationships, this episode will help you understand why.
If you’ve ever felt like your value came from taking care of everyone else—even when it was costing you your peace, your energy, and your sense of self—this conversation is going to feel very familiar.
In this special bonus episode, I’m sharing a powerful co
The Vampire Effect Part 2: Why You Feel Dead Inside After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
What if leaving the relationship doesn’t mean you’re free? In this episode, we continue The Vampire Effect series and explore what happens after prolonged exposure to covert narcissistic abuse—when you feel numb, disconnected, and like something inside of you has changed. Many survivors describe feeling “dead inside,” questioning who they are, and wondering if they’ve lost themselves completely.
U
The Vampire Effect: How Covert Narcissists Drain You Emotionally
What if covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t feel like an attack… but like a slow drain?
In this episode, we explore The Vampire Effect—a powerful metaphor that reveals how covert narcissists gradually consume your energy, clarity, and sense of self without you even realizing it. Through the lens of Dracula, you’ll begin to see how manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exhaustion create a dynamic
Why Do I Still Miss My Narcissist? Understanding Trauma Bonding
Why do you still miss someone who hurt you? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, this question can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful. You can see the manipulation, the gaslighting, and the emotional abuse clearly—so why does part of you still feel pulled back?
In this episode, we explore why healing from covert narcissistic abuse feels so confusing and what’s actually happ
Covert Narcissistic Abuse: How to Move Forward Without Rushing Your Decision
If you’re trying to heal from covert narcissistic abuse but feel unsure about your next step, this episode will meet you where you are. In part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, we explore what it looks like to move forward without rushing a life-changing decision.
This conversation dives into the deeper layers of recovery, including guilt, responsibility, and the impact on children. We also talk abou
The War Inside You: Why Part of You Still Misses Them (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)
Why do you still miss them… even after everything you’ve been through?
If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, you may find yourself stuck in an internal battle—one part of you sees the truth clearly, while another part still longs for connection, hope, or what you thought the relationship was. This emotional conflict can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful.
In this episode, we
Covert Narcissism: You’re Allowed to Pause Before Deciding to Stay or Leave
If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, overwhelming, or emotionally draining, you may be wondering if you’re dealing with covert narcissism—and whether you should stay or leave. In this part one of the CNG Community Chat, we explore why that decision can feel so difficult and why you don’t have to rush it.
Through a real community conversation, we talk about the emotional toll of covert
5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Covert Narcissism Might Be in the Room
Last week’s episode explored why covert narcissism appears to be thriving in today’s culture and the conditions that allow these behaviors to remain hidden. In this follow-up episode, we bring the conversation closer to everyday life.
If covert narcissistic dynamics can hide so easily in our culture, how do you begin recognizing them in your own interactions?
In this episode, Renee Swanson shares
Covert Narcissists' Unspoken Rules: Why You Always Feel Like You're Failing
In relationships with a covert narcissist, control doesn’t always appear as obvious demands. Instead, it often shows up through a confusing set of small, unwritten "rules" that quietly shape everyday life. The problems come not from preferences. We all have preferences. But with a covert narcissist, these are rules with punishments.
In this episode, Renee shares real responses from her CNG Faceboo
Why Covert Narcissism Is Thriving in Today’s Culture: 5 Conditions That Allow It to Hide
Is narcissism actually increasing, or are we simply becoming more aware of it? The truth is that narcissistic traits have always existed throughout history. What changes over time is the environment those traits grow in.
In this episode, we explore why covert narcissism seems to be thriving in today’s culture and why these behaviors can be so difficult to recognize. Unlike overt narcissism, which
Recognizing Covert Narcissism: From Self-Blame to Clarity (Part 2)
In Part 2 of this community chat, we move from confusion to clarity.
After years—sometimes decades—of minimizing behavior and blaming themselves, these women share what finally shifted. What happens when you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What’s really happening here?”
We talk about:
The slow accumulation that leads to clarity
Questioning their behavior instead of
Covert Narcissism and Children: Signs the Kids Are Hurting
If you are living with covert narcissism in your marriage and starting to notice changes in your children — depression, anxiety, slipping grades, withdrawal, golden child or scapegoat dynamics — this episode is for you.
In this episode, we explore how covert narcissism affects children, including the subtle but powerful ways kids adapt to emotional unpredictability inside the home. When one child
Covert Narcissism Community Chat: Why Was It So Hard to Call This Abuse? Part One
Why is it so difficult to recognize covert narcissistic abuse when you’re living inside it?
In Part 1 of this community chat, Olivia, Cindy, and Shannon share why they couldn’t call their relationships abusive for years—even decades. When emotional abuse is subtle, mixed with good moments, public charm, and messages like “marriage is just hard,” the confusion runs deep.
We talk about:
Growing
Covert Narcissism and the Nervous System: Why You Feel So Reactive
If you feel “too emotional,” hypersensitive, or unstable in your relationship, this episode will help you understand what is really happening. Today we are exploring covert narcissism and the nervous system — and why what looks like emotional reactivity is often a biological response to unpredictability, invalidation, and emotional disconnection.
In covert narcissistic dynamics, you are often labe
Covert Narcissism Q&A: Clarity, Boundaries & Radical Acceptance (Part 2)
In Part 2 of this Q&A pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, we continue answering the real, unfiltered questions so many of you are quietly carrying.
Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why won’t they answer even the simplest questions directly? How do you rebuild self-trust after years of gaslighting? And what does radical acceptance actually look like
Gaslighting in a Relationship: The Subtle Signs You're Not Imagining It
In this episode, we break down what subtle gaslighting looks like in covert narcissistic relationships and why it’s so hard to recognize. You’ll learn how emotional manipulation can sound calm, reasonable, and even compassionate—while quietly eroding your self-trust.
Not all gaslighting is loud. Sometimes it’s delivered gently. Sometimes it contains just enough truth to make you hesitate. Instead
Covert Narcissism Q&A: The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask (Part 1)
In this special Q&A episode pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, I’m answering some of the most honest — and often unspoken — questions about living with and healing from covert narcissistic dynamics.
Why do conversations go in circles? Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why can they be so charming one moment and so hurtful the next? And how do you pro
The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone
If you feel lonely even when you’re not alone, this episode will help you understand why. In The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone, we explore emotional invisibility, the quiet isolation that happens in covert narcissistic relationships, and why being truly seen can feel so rare—and so deeply relieving.
Many survivors describe the loneliest place as
The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries With a Covert Narcissist
Today’s episode is about covert narcissism and the deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries in the relationship.
If you’re living with or recovering from a covert narcissist, you may recognize this immediately: you’re the one who explains, softens, repairs, revisits conversations, manages emotions, and keeps hoping that if you say it just right, things will finally change. In
Am I the Problem? Self-Blame and Covert Narcissistic Abuse
Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs.
In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like asking about errands, timing, or work logistics—can somehow turn into tension, shutdowns, or accusations. Over time, those repeated interactions begin to reshape your inner dialogue, leaving you ques
The Reality of Covert Narcissism Within a 42-Year Marriage
What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage?
In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares her lived experience of spending 42 years in a marriage that gradually became confusing, destabilizing, and emotionally exhausting. Shari reflects on the subtle but devastating dynamics of covert narc
Covert Narcissism and Over-Explaining: Why Pausing Brings Relief
Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel calmer the moment they stop explaining themselves. In this episode, we explore why over-explaining becomes a survival response, how hypervigilance and emotional exhaustion keep the nervous system on high alert, and why pausing brings real relief.
For many people, explaining didn’t come from insecurity—it came from learning that safety depended on be
Covert Narcissism in Dating: Jacquie Roar Shares Her Story of Survival and Healing
Dating someone with covert narcissistic traits rarely feels abusive at first. In fact, it often feels intoxicating—intense attention, deep emotional connection, and a sense of being chosen in a way you may never have experienced before. This episode explores why that intensity feels so powerful—and why it so often turns confusing, controlling, and unsafe.
In this deeply honest conversation, Jacqui
Covert Narcissistic Dynamics: Is This Normal Marriage Struggles or More Than That?
This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal marriage struggles and covert narcissistic dynamics. We focus on the subtle patterns that create confusion, self-doubt, and the fear that you might be overreacting or expecting too much.
Many people living inside covert narcissistic dynamics aren’t dealing with constant conflict or obvious cruelty. Instead, they’re navigating moments
Why Do I Still Doubt Myself? Self-Questioning After Covert Narcissistic Abuse (Community Chat)
If you understand covert narcissism intellectually—but still find yourself questioning your memory, your reactions, or your decisions—you’re not alone.
In this episode, you’ll hear the very first Covert Narcissism Community Chat: a small, guided conversation with participants who are just like you. These are not clinicians or experts. They are listeners who have consumed the information, done the
Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Why Nothing Changes No Matter How Hard You Try
In this episode, Renee Swanson talks about the painful reality many survivors face after awareness begins: why nothing improves—even when you communicate better, regulate your emotions, go to therapy, and genuinely try to repair the relationship. This conversation is not about blaming yourself, diagnosing a partner, or pushing you toward a decision. It’s about understanding why effort alone doesn’
Smear Campaigns and the Loss of Family, Friends, and Safety with Eleanor Marks
Smear campaigns don’t just distort the truth—they dismantle trust, fracture relationships, and leave survivors questioning where it’s safe to stand.
In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson is joined by high-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks for an honest conversation about what smear campaigns really look like during and after divorce with a covert narcissist.
Together,
Navigating the Confusion of Covert Narcissism: What Is Actually Wrong in My Marriage?
If you feel confused, unsettled, or unable to name what’s wrong in your marriage—even though nothing sounds “bad enough”—this episode is for you.
Many people living in covertly unhealthy dynamics don’t experience constant conflict or obvious explosions. Instead, they live inside a fog of mixed signals, emotional reversals, and conversations that never seem to stay where they start. This episode is
Covert Narcissism Recovery: Starting the New Year Without Pressure
Healing from covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t follow a calendar—and January doesn’t require clarity, decisions, or resolutions.
If you’re entering the new year feeling foggy, heavy, or unsure, this episode is for you. Instead of pushing urgency, motivation, or “fresh starts,” this conversation offers something survivors of covert narcissism actually need: orientation, safety, and permission to go
Holidays With a Covert Narcissist: When Survival Replaces Celebration
In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of navigating holidays with a covert narcissist, emphasizing the emotional toll it takes on family members. She explores the concept of survival in these relationships, the importance of self-care, and encourages listeners to shift from merely surviving to thriving in their lives. The conversation highlights the need for awareness and underst
Covert Narcissist: The Grinch Who Steals It All
In this Christmas-themed episode, Renee Swanson explores the impact of covert narcissism on personal relationships, particularly during the holiday season. Using the metaphor of the Grinch, she discusses how covert narcissists can subtly steal joy, anticipation, and traditions, leaving individuals feeling hollow and anxious. However, she emphasizes the importance of community and reclaiming one's
Covert Narcissism in Marriage: The “Try Harder” Myth That Traps You
Covert narcissism in marriage keeps survivors trapped by the belief that if they just tried harder, the relationship would finally improve.If you’re exhausted from over-functioning, self-blame, and emotional gymnastics in a narcissistic marriage, this episode is for anyone questioning whether the problem was ever really you.
In this episode, we unpack one of the most damaging beliefs in narcissist
Covert Narcissism Recovery: How You Know Healing Is Happening
Covert narcissism recovery often shows up quietly—through internal safety, self-trust, and a nervous system that no longer lives on high alert.
Many survivors wonder how to tell whether they’re actually healing, especially when there’s no closure, no apology, and no clear “finish line.” This episode shifts the focus away from the covert narcissist and back to you—helping you understand the subtle
Covert Narcissism and Trauma: Why You and Your Kids Stop Talking
Covert narcissism and trauma quietly teach adults and children that silence feels safer than honesty.
If you’ve noticed yourself going quiet, choosing your words carefully, or avoiding hard conversations altogether — or you’re watching your children withdraw, shut down, or stop sharing — this episode explains why that happens and what safety actually has to do with healing.
In this episode, we exp
The Physical Signs You Didn’t Know Were Trauma Responses, Part 2: How to Calm a Dysregulated Nervous System After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
In Part 1, we uncovered the surprising physical symptoms of trauma that often go unnoticed — the jaw tension, the tinnitus, the eye twitching, the constant bracing your body learned to do in order to survive covert narcissistic abuse.
In Part 2, we continue that conversation by focusing on three symptoms that confuse survivors the most:
chest tightness — that “heart armor” feeling that makes i
The Physical Signs You Didn’t Know Were Trauma Responses, Part 1: How Covert Narcissism Shows Up in Your Body
When you live in the backwards, upside-down world of covert narcissistic abuse, your body often understands the danger long before your mind can name it. The symptoms you thought were “random,” “weird,” or “just stress” were actually your nervous system trying to protect you.
In this episode, we explore the physical signs you didn’t recognize as trauma responses — the jaw tension, the chest tightn
How to Talk to Your Adult Children About a Covert Narcissistic Parent Without Badmouthing
Talking to your adult children about a covert narcissistic parent is one of the hardest and most emotionally loaded challenges survivors face. You’re carrying years of truth inside you — experiences that shaped your life, your self-concept, your safety, and in many cases, the childhood environment your kids grew up in. And yet, speaking that truth openly can feel dangerous. It can feel like badmou
Fawning vs. Codependency: Why Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse Get Misdiagnosed
So many survivors walk into healing believing they were “codependent,” when the truth is far more compassionate and far more accurate:What you were doing wasn’t codependency — it was fawning, a trauma response your nervous system used to keep you safe in an emotionally dangerous environment.
In this episode, we break down the difference between fawning and codependency in a way that finally makes
Thanksgiving Special: Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse Through Self-Gratitude
This Thanksgiving episode is unlike any you’ve heard before.Instead of forcing gratitude outward—toward family, toward traditions, toward circumstances that may feel complicated or painful—this episode brings gratitude back home. To you.
Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse often carry shame for the very responses that kept them alive. They question their anger, their confusion, their anxiety, t
How Unsafe People Erase Your Reality And Safe People Restore It
In Part 2 of this story, we pick up right where the alligator encounter left off — not with danger, but with the emotional aftershock that followed.
My body was still shaking, adrenaline pumping, breath unsteady. I paddled straight toward my friend in a heightened state: frightened, confused, and trying to make sense of whether I had truly just kayaked over a mama alligator… or whether I had imagi
When Every Conversation Turns into Confusion: The Communication Breakdown of Covert Narcissism
In a healthy relationship, conversations might be difficult at times—but they are possible. You can talk, clarify, repair, and understand each other. But when you’re living with a covert narcissist, communication slowly becomes a maze you can never find your way out of.
In this episode, I share how the most ordinary exchanges in my marriage became painful, confusing, and emotionally draining. It w
I Kayaked Over an Alligator And Finally Understood My Trauma Response
In this episode, I’m taking you with me on a peaceful Florida river… right up to the moment my kayak bumped over what I thought was a floating log. Except it wasn’t a log. It was a massive mama alligator. But the most surprising part of the story isn’t the alligator. It’s what my brain did in the exact moment of danger.
Instead of panicking, screaming, or flipping into the water, my mind calmly to
Not All Covert Narcissists Look the Same
Covert narcissism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some manipulate through silence, others through guilt or tears. Some quote scripture, some play the victim, and some simply vanish into the quiet coldness that leaves you questioning your worth.
In this episode, Renee Swanson explores how covert narcissism exists on a spectrum—why it can look completely different from one relationship to the next, and eve
Distraction Tactics of Covert Narcissists: Why Nothing Ever Gets Resolved
Ever feel like you’ve been living in a circus you didn’t sign up for?In this episode, Renee Swanson uses humor to shine a light on the exhausting emotional reality of living with a covert narcissist — through the story of an inflatable clown and a bicycle pump.
You know the one: it’s dramatic, unstable, takes up too much space, and leaks air faster than you can fill it. Your job? Keep it pumped up
Parental Alienation and Covert Narcissism: When Your Kids Are Used Against You
What if your greatest fear as a parent has already come true?You can feel it — your child pulling away, repeating phrases that don’t sound like them, looking at you through someone else’s eyes. This is the painful reality of parental alienation, one of the covert narcissist’s most devastating tools of control.
In this episode, Renee Swanson explains how covert narcissists quietly rewrite your chil
Why Am I So Angry? Resentment After Covert Narcissistic Abuse Explained
Resentment is one of the hardest emotions to face after covert narcissistic abuse—because it shows up long before you even realize what’s happening. You start resenting them for the confusion, then resenting yourself for pulling away. But what if resentment isn’t bitterness at all? What if it’s your system’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough.”
In this episode, Renee Swanson breaks down why resentmen
Beyond Blame: A Message for the Children of Divorce
When a marriage falls apart, the story children see is often only a small part of what truly happened. One parent may look angry or reactive while the other appears calm or composed — but underneath, both are often hurting, both are surviving, and both are human.
In this heartfelt episode, life coach and podcast host Renee Swanson speaks directly to the sons and daughters who grew up in homes shap
When Your Mind Won’t Stop: Escaping the Trap of Catastrophic Thinking After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
If your mind can take one tiny worry and turn it into a full-blown disaster movie, you’re not alone.That’s catastrophic thinking — and it’s one of the most common patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse struggle with.
After years of walking on eggshells, your brain learns to expect danger, even when there’s none. Whether you lived with a covertly abusive spouse or grew up under a narcissis
But They Had a Rough Childhood”: When Excuses Become Permission Slips for Abuse
We’ve all heard it—“But they had a rough childhood.” “They just don’t know any better.” “You have to feel sorry for them.”Yes, empathy is beautiful. But at some point, we have to ask: how far does this excuse go?
In this episode, Renee pulls back the curtain on one of the most common traps survivors of covert narcissistic abuse fall into—confusing compassion with obligation. She unpacks the endles
How to Handle Triangulation: Protecting You and Your Children
Triangulation doesn’t stop just because you see it. In fact, once you recognize the pattern, the covert narcissist often pushes harder, twisting words, controlling the story, and pulling others into the tension.
In this episode, Renee walks you through how to handle triangulation in every stage of the journey:
While you’re still in the relationship, how to stay grounded, refuse the bait, and prote
Covert Narcissism Unmasked: Sarma Melngailis on Manipulation, Awakening, and Resilience
In Part 2 of my conversation with Sarma Melngailis, we dive into the turning point—the awakening after covert narcissistic abuse. Sarma shares the moment she began to see the manipulation clearly, how she learned to gray rock and set boundaries, and what it means to find freedom after years of psychological control.
Together, we unpack the neurobiology of cognitive dissonance, the pull of trauma b
Covert Narcissist Triangulation: How They Control the Narrative and Divide Relationships
Triangulation is one of the covert narcissist’s most insidious tools — because it’s quiet, invisible, and devastating.It’s how they control the narrative, twist communication, and turn the people you love against each other — all while pretending to be the calm, reasonable “peacekeeper.”
In this episode, Renee shares two powerful stories that reveal how triangulation slowly poisons relationships:
From “Bad Vegan” to Truth Teller: Sarma Melngailis on Covert Narcissistic Abuse and Self-Discovery
Sarma Melngailis—best known from the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan—joins me to reveal the story the headlines never told. In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Sarma opens up about covert narcissistic abuse, repeated manipulation, and the long road of self-discovery that followed.
We explore how empathy, idealism, and even neurodivergence can make survivors more vulnerable to covert abuse
Reactive Abuse: Why Survivors of Covert Narcissism Eventually Snap
You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to slap them.That moment — the one that now fills you with shame and self-blame — didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building for a long time.
In this episode, Renee Swanson explores what happens when years of emotional invalidation, manipulation, and gaslighting finally push you past your breaking point. When your calm exterior cracks, and your reacti
When Survivors Gather: The Power of Shared Stories and Safe Spaces After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
What happens when survivors of covert narcissistic abuse come together in one safe space? At our recent CNG retreat, fifteen women gathered with fear, doubt, hope, and courage. Some were terrified to share their stories, afraid of judgment or dismissal. Others were overflowing with relief at finally being heard.
In this episode, I reflect on the lessons and transformations from that weekend: the p
Why Being Yourself Feels Dangerous with a Covert Narcissist
Have you ever wondered why just being yourself feels like walking through a minefield with a covert narcissist? Why your joy, your truth, your boundaries, even your growth seem to set off explosions? In this episode, we unpack exactly why the covert narcissist sees you as a threat.
From your truth that cracks their carefully crafted image, to your feelings that highlight their emptiness, to your i
Bird in a Cage, Part 2: Finding Freedom After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
In Part 2 of my conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we go deeper into the journey of leaving—and staying gone—from covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn opens up about the staggering reality that it takes an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship before it finally sticks, and why so many survivors find themselves pulled back into the cycle again and again.
She shares th
Pull Back Your Supply: How to Test the True Nature of a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist
What happens when you stop pouring all your energy into someone else and start investing it back into yourself?
In a healthy relationship, your self-care is welcomed and even celebrated. Your partner enjoys the space to recharge too, and both of you come back stronger. But in a relationship with a covert narcissist, pulling back your supply—the constant attention, caretaking, and emotional labor—c
Bird in a Cage: Caryn Dixon’s Journey Out of Covert Narcissistic Abuse (Part 1)
In this first half of my two-part conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we explore the story behind her new EP Bird in a Cage—a raw and vulnerable collection of songs written out of her experience of covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn shares how life inside the “perfect couple” image felt more like a shrinking cage, one that left her hiding her pain, questioning her reality, and carrying
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