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You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for the Adult Children of Parents with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders
You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for the Adult Children of Parents with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders
Torie Wiksell, a therapist specializing in supporting adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, hosts this podcast. Drawing from her own experience growing up with a mother who had an unmanaged personality disorder, she offers relatable insights and practical advice. The podcast aims to help listeners navigate complicated parent relationships while fostering hope and reassurance that they are not alone. Torie also shares resources and encourages following her on social media for additional support.
Episodes
Why You Can't Stop Reacting to a Parent with Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder
You've told yourself that this time you won't let it get to you, and somehow you still leave the conversation feeling defeated and distraught, wondering why you can't just let things go.When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn to brace for the mean comments, the cruelty, the digs that come out of nowhere. And y
You Can Handle Anything, and That's the Problem: Capacity vs. Capability When You Were Raised by a Toxic Parent
Too many cycle breakers know that moment when your phone lights up with the latest family emergency and you drop everything to try to calm the storm.When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn early on that keeping the peace is what keeps you safe. So, when there's a crisis, of course you spring into action.In this episode
How to Survive Father's Day When You Were Raised by a Toxic Parent
When grow up with a toxic parent, Father's Day isn't an exciting celebration. It's a loaded weekend that sits heavy on your nervous system.And it's why the week leading up to it can leave you feeling completely drained before you even get to the main event.In this episode you'll learn:Why the week before and after Father's Day can feel just as heavy as the day itselfH
Stop Explaining Your Boundary to Your Toxic Parent
When you set a boundary with a narcissistic parent, or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, they tend to push back by acting like they don't get it. They argue, they question whether your boundary is even reasonable, they pull you into a debate about whether you should have it at all. It's why these conversations so often end with you backing down, second-guessing you
Setting the Boundary Is Only Part One: What Most Cycle Breakers Miss
You finally set the boundary and for about five seconds you felt proud of yourself. Then your parent pushed back and wished you could take it all back.When you have a parent with narcissistic or unmanaged borderline personality disorder, boundaries don't land the way you were taught they would. These types of parents are emotionally dysregulated, rely on you to manage their feelings, and read
Gaslighting and Self-Doubt: Why You Can't Trust Yourself When You Were Raised by a Parent with Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder
That moment where your brain short circuits because your parent just looked you dead in the eye and insisted the situation you’re describing never happened at all. When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, gaslighting isn't just a buzzword you read about on Reddit. It's the ever present way your parent avoids taking responsibi
Toxic In-Laws: What to Do When Your Partner Won't Stand Up to Their Family
If you’re dealing with toxic in-laws and feeling unsupported by your partner, this episode is for you.Today we’re talking about one of the most requested topics I’ve avoided covering for a long time: navigating dysfunctional in-law relationships when you’ve married into a toxic family system.We’ll talk about why dealing with toxic in-laws is different from dealing with your own family dynamics, ho
How to Cope With Mother's Day Hangover When You Have a Mom with Borderline or Narcissistic Traits
That heavy, drained, slightly nauseous feeling you've been carrying around since Sunday? You're not alone.If you grew up with a narcissistic mom or a mom with borderline personality disorder, Mother's Day doesn't simply end when the day ends. The emotional hangover that follows can be just as heavy as the lead-up, and it can leave you replaying every interaction, every word, ev
Why "I'll Never Lose My Temper Again" Backfires When You're a Cycle Breaker Raised by a Parent with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
If you grew up with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you know what it's like to have a crystal clear picture of what patterns you don’t want to repeat. The problem is that picture doesn't come with instructions for what it actually requires to do things differently, and that gap is where so many cycle breakers get stuck in a painful loop of tolerating too
How to Survive Mother's Day When You Have a Mom with Borderline or Narcissistic Traits
When you grow up with a narcissistic mom or a mom with borderline personality disorder, Mother's Day hits different. The whole holiday is built on a story that doesn't match your reality, and it can feel like there’s no space for the reality you actually lived. Whether you're still in contact, low contact, no contact, or your mom has passed away, this day can bring up a complicated
It's Not Just Your Parent. It's Your Whole Family System.
In this episode, Torie breaks down why dysfunctional families are so resistant to change, what actually happens when you bring new boundaries and skills back into your family, and why the pushback you're experiencing is not a sign you’re doing things wrong.Listen to learn: What sets a healthy-ish family apart from a dysfunctional one Why your family's behavior can get worse when you star
What It’s Like to Have a Parent with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In this episode, I walk you through:What patterns are common in narcissistic vs. borderline personality disorderWhy the diagnosis itself isn’t what matters mostWhat it feels like to grow up as a child dealing with a parent with these dynamicsThe key differences in behavior, motivation, and emotional impactWhy these relationships feel so confusing, intense, and destabilizingWe also talk about emoti
Breaking the Cycle Is Complicated: Here’s a Roadmap
If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline traits, chances are no one ever showed you what being an emotionally healthy adult actually looks like.In this episode, I’m breaking down why healing feels so confusing, messy, and unclear and what you actually need in order to move forward.We’re talking about:Why “I don’t want to be like them” isn’t enough to create healthy changeThe
Does Your Parent Mean to Hurt You? Why Intent Doesn’t Matter (and What Actually Does)
When you grow up with an emotionally unpredictable or narcissistic parent, it’s easy to get stuck trying to figure out their intent especially when there were both good and painful moments.In this episode, we’re breaking down why that question keeps you stuck and what actually matters when it comes to healing and setting boundaries.Because the truth is, it’s not about whether they mean to hurt you
Why You Intellectualize Your Feelings (and Why It’s So Hard to Stop)
In this episode, I’m talking about why that happens and why “just feel your feelings” isn’t actually helpful for most people who grew up in chaotic or emotionally unpredictable family environments.When you grow up with a parent who lacks emotional regulation skills, you learn to analyze, anticipate, and problem-solve. Not because something is wrong with you, but because it helped you function in a
Forgiveness Is Overrated: What Actually Helps You Heal from a Toxic Parent
In this episode, we’re talking about:Why forgiveness is often misunderstoodWhy you don’t need to forgive your parent to healHow focusing on forgiveness can actually keep you stuckThe difference between forgiveness and healingWhy acceptance is what actually helps you move forwardWhat “radical acceptance” looks like in real lifeListen to learn more about the fallacy of forgiveness and what it actual
The Basic Needs Cycle Breakers Often Ignore (And How This Wrecks Your Mental Health)
In this episode, we’re going back to the basics and talking about why things like staying hydrated, eating enough, sleeping, and moving your body matter far more for your mental health than most people realize.We cover:• Why cycle breakers often disconnect from their own needs• How dysfunctional family dynamics train you to ignore your basic needs• The mental health impact of dehydration, hunger,
I Could Win a Gold Medal in Overexplaining Myself: Growing Up With a Narcissistic Parent
When you spend your childhood being misunderstood, projected onto, or told who you are instead of being seen for who you actually are, it makes sense that you carry that fear of being misunderstood into adulthood.In this episode, I talk about:• Why adult children of narcissistic parents often overexplain themselves • What it feels like to grow up being constantly misunderstood • Why this pattern t
The Guilt Trap: How This Tricky Emotion Keeps Cycle Breakers Stuck
In this episode, we explore:Why guilt feels so overwhelming for adult children of emotionally immature and narcissistic parentsHow dysfunctional family systems train you to equate guilt with being a bad personThe difference between healthy guilt and manipulative guiltWhy avoiding guilt keeps you stuck in the toxic cycleHow to approach difficult decisions without avoiding or agreeing to things beyo
When Parents Say They’re “Walking on Eggshells” Around You: The Truth About Power, Boundaries, and Gaslighting
If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline traits, you may have heard this when you started setting boundaries, going to therapy, or naming the dysfunction in your family.In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, we unpack:Why “walking on eggshells” is not the same thing in a parent-child relationshipThe lifelong power imbalance that doesn’t magically disappear when you turn 18Why
When Dysfunction Is “Normal”: Subtle Emotional Abuse in Toxic Families and Why It’s So Damaging
In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell breaks down common behaviors that toxic families often label as “normal,” but that are actually deeply damaging and abusive. We talk about why these dynamics are so confusing, why they impact you as deeply as they do, and why your reactions are not a personal flaw.You’ll learn:Why emotional and psychological abuse in
Why Setting Boundaries With Toxic Parents Is So Hard (And What Most People Get Wrong)
In this episode of You're Not Crazy, I walk through the most common reasons boundaries fail with narcissistic, emotionally immature, and toxic parents. Not because you did it wrong, but because most people are taught a version of boundaries that doesn’t account for manipulation, emotional dysregulation, guilt, or the survival responses cycle breakers carry into adulthood.We talk about:-Why us
Why This Feels So Familiar: Toxic Parents, Abuse, and What’s Happening in the U.S.
The gaslighting, denial, deflection, and rewriting of reality mirror the dynamics many adults grew up with in toxic or narcissistic family systems. Torie explains how ongoing trauma impacts emotional capacity, why trauma that is still happening cannot be healed (only coped with), and how the pressure to respond perfectly often leads to paralysis.For listeners who feel overwhelmed, stuck, and at a
Breaking the Cycle Is Messy: Learning How to Be an Emotionally Healthy Adult
Most cycle breakers know exactly what they don’t want to repeat. But knowing what not to do is very different from knowing how to be an emotionally healthy adult, especially when emotional regulation, boundaries, and healthy relationships were never modeled for you.In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, we talk about why learning emotional health as a cycle breaker is often messy, uncomfortable, and
Self-Doubt After Growing Up With a Toxic Parent: Why You Gaslight Yourself and How to Move Forward
Self-doubt is one of the most common and paralyzing struggles for cycle breakers. In this episode of the You’re Not Crazy Podcast, Torie explains why chronic self-doubt is not a personality flaw, but a trauma response rooted in long-term gaslighting and emotional invalidation.You’ll learn how growing up in a toxic family system trains you to distrust your own memories, emotions, and decisions, and
Cycle Breaking in 2026: Diagnoses, Grief, and the Reality of Loving a Toxic Parent
This episode is about nuance. It’s about why labels like narcissistic personality disorder, borderline traits, or “toxic parent” can feel both clarifying and overwhelming, and why healing does not actually depend on getting a definitive diagnosis.I talk about:Why patterns of behavior matter more than labelsHow gaslighting, emotional volatility, shame, and walking on eggshells shape adult childrenW
A Year of Reflection: Boundaries, Burnout, and What I’m Taking Into 2026
From navigating visibility as a therapist talking openly about toxic family systems, to setting boundaries around social media, content creation, and emotional labor, this episode is a grounded, honest look at what it actually takes to do this work sustainably as a cycle breaker.Torie shares why she’s recommitting to the podcast, simplifying where her energy goes, and being more intentional about
The Loneliness of Being the Cycle Breaker
If you’re breaking toxic cycles in a family marked by emotional immaturity, narcissism, or borderline traits, there’s something we don’t talk about enough: the profound loneliness that can come with healing.You’re not just setting boundaries—you’re stepping out of the role your family expected you to play. Maybe you were the peacekeeper, the fixer, the golden child, or the scapegoat. But once you
Breaking Cycles Without Breaking Yourself
Healing isn’t linear—especially when you’re the cycle breaker. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, I’m pulling back the curtain on what real, sustainable healing looks like when you grew up with emotionally immature, narcissistic, or borderline parents.I share how becoming a therapist over a decade ago didn’t free me from my dysfunctional patterns—it magnified them. I was the classic parentified
What If Protecting Yourself Is the Honest Thing to Do?
Cycle breakers are often raised to believe that honesty = full disclosure and transparency… even when the other person has a history of weaponizing that honesty against them.In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, we’re digging into the messy middle between brutal honesty and self-abandonment—especially when it comes to dealing with parents who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissist
Are You Putting Out Fires or Breaking the Cycle?
Let’s talk about the real work of breaking dysfunctional family cycles.If you're the adult child of a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you probably know the drill: chaos explodes, you search frantically for tools to survive it… and then once things settle down, you convince yourself it's “not that bad.” Sound familiar?This episode is your reminder that healing
"But They're Your Parent": Toxic Things People Say to Cycle Breakers
Surviving (not thriving) Mother's Day weekend is what we're celebrating this week. Breaking cycles isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Your commitment to healing, despite few healthy examples, is powerful. Be gentle with yourself; your journey of growth deserves compassion, not criticism.Next we’re calling out the toxic phrases that gaslight, invalidate, and harm adult children o
Welcome to You're Not Crazy!
Welcome to You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for the Adult Children of Parents with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. Hosted by therapist and coach Torie Wiksell, this podcast is dedicated to those who have grown up trying to navigate the complicated and challenging realities of having a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. In this first episode, Torie intro
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