The Psychology of Relationships
Every couple has a story: the sparks, the late-night talks, the fights about nothing, and the moments that change everything. So why do some relationships thrive while others fall apart? The answer isn’t luck; it’s psychology. Join Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the hit podcast Dateable and authors of the book 'How to Be Dateable,' as they navigate this next phase of long-term committed relationships. Together with leading experts in the field, they'll explore what science really tells us about love, conflict, and connection — and translate it into tools you can actually use.
Episodes
The 4 Communication Types in Relationships: Why You Shut Down, Lash Out, or Avoid Conflict w/ Sandy Weiner
Communication is often called the foundation of healthy relationships—but most people were never actually taught how to communicate effectively when emotions run high. Sandy Weiner, relationship coach, author, and host of The Last First Date Radio podcast, joins Julie & Yue to explore the four communication archetypes and what they reveal about the way we handle conflict, emotional triggers, a
The Hidden Parts of Yourself Running Your Dating Experiences & Relationships w/ Lair Torrent
The biggest factor shaping your relationships may not be the other person—it may be the version of you that shows up in connection. Lair Torrent, LMFT and author of The Practice of Love, joins Julie & Yue to explore the different “parts” of ourselves that emerge in dating and relationships, from grounded and open to anxious or guarded. He explains how past experiences and emotional patterns in
The Psychology Behind Infidelity: Why People Cheat w/ Dr. Nicolle Zapien
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in relationships—but the psychology behind why people cheat is often far more complex than betrayal alone. Dr. Nicolle Zapien, licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist, joins Julie & Yue to unpack the emotional, relational, and psychological factors that can lead to infidelity. Together, they explore what cheating reveals about attachment, un
Love Is Not Enough: Why You Stay in the Wrong Relationships (Even When You Know Better) w/ Mark Manson
Love can make us believe that if the feelings are strong enough, everything else will work itself out. But lasting relationships require more than chemistry or attraction. Mark Manson, bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* and Love Is Not Enough, joins Julie & Yue to unpack why people stay stuck in situationships, chase unavailable partners, or settle for relationships that
Why Heartbreak Can Become Your Biggest Breakthrough w/ John Kim
Breakups have a way of forcing us to confront the patterns we often avoid seeing in relationships. Whether it’s a slow fade, an almost-relationship, or a breakup you never fully processed, endings can reveal a lot about attachment, emotional availability, and the dynamics we keep repeating. John Kim—licensed therapist, author of Breakup. On Purpose., and host of The Angry Therapist podcast—joins J
Breaking Free from Anxious Attachment: Calming Your Nervous System in Love w/ Kirstie Taylor
Do you find yourself overthinking, seeking constant reassurance, or fearing abandonment when dating or in relationships? These patterns often signal an anxious attachment style—but anxiety doesn’t have to control your love life. In this episode, Kirstie Taylor, dating coach, writer, and author of What I Wish I Knew About Love, breaks down why anxiety heightens sensitivity to shifts in connection,
Life After Divorce: How Your Ending Can Actually Become An Exciting New Beginning w/ Alicia Roberson
Divorce. For some, it’s a lived experience. For others, it’s a quiet fear in the back of every serious relationship. In this episode, divorce expert and coach Alicia Robertson reframes the “D word” as a turning point rather than a failure. She explains how fear of endings can keep people stuck in misaligned relationships or avoiding love altogether, and how understanding these fears can lead to gr
Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong Partners (And How To Reset Your Romantic GPS) w/ Marc Sholes
Ever feel like you keep ending up with the same “type” of partner even when it hasn’t worked out before? You might be unconsciously choosing the wrong people and repeating patterns that keep you stuck. Julie & Yue are joined by Marc Sholes, Psychotherapist and author of Reset Your Romantic GPS, to explore why we’re drawn to familiar but unfulfilling partner types. He explains the ways attachme
Rewriting the Story You Learned About Love: How to Heal the Childhood Wounds Affecting Your Adult Relationships w/ Vienna Pharaon
Early experiences quietly shape how we attach, communicate, and handle conflict in adult relationships—without us even realizing it. In this episode, Vienna Pharaon, marriage and family therapist and author of The Origins of You, explores the five core childhood wounds many carry into adulthood. She explains how these wounds can appear as avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, or staying
The Science of Strong Partnerships: Why Relational Intelligence Matters From Early Dating To Years In w/ Dr. Adam Bandelli
Strong, lasting relationships aren’t just about chemistry or shared interests—they’re about how we relate to each other every day. Julie & Yue sit down with Dr. Adam Bandelli, psychologist and relational intelligence expert, to dive into why relational intelligence is essential for deep, meaningful connections. He shows how tuning into your partner’s emotions, responding with empathy, and comm
The New 7 Love Styles: What Modern Research Reveals About Love Languages w/ Molly Owens of Truity Psychometrics
For decades, the 5 Love Languages have shaped how we understand connection—but relationships, culture, and expectations have evolved, and our framework for love might need an update. In this episode, Molly Owens, CEO and founder of Truity, introduces the 7 Love Styles, a modern evolution of how we give and receive love. She explains why love languages still resonate, where they fall short today, a
Choosing Marriage (Or Not): Deciding If Marriage Is Right for You w/ Allison Raskin
With marriage rates on the decline, do people still want to get married—and why does it still carry so much emotional and cultural weight? In this episode, Julie & Yue sit down with Allison Raskin, mental health advocate, relationship coach, and author of I Do. I Think?: Conversations About Modern Marriage, to unpack what marriage looks like today, how societal pressures shape our choices, and
Why So Many Men Are Struggling in Modern Love (And What We Can Do About It) w/ Dr Greg Matos
Why are so many men struggling to connect today? And what does that mean if you’re trying to date and have relationships with men? In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Greg Matos, psychologist and author of the viral article “What’s Behind The Rise of Lonely, Single Men,” to explore the shifting relationship standards, changing gender roles, and the widespread lack of skills—like emotional literac
The Psychology of Love Bombing: Why Fast Love Isn’t Always Safe Love w/ Dr Diane Strachowski
Love can feel intoxicating at the beginning—constant attention, big gestures, nonstop affection. And when it feels that good, the last thing anyone wants to question is whether it’s actually healthy. So how do you tell the difference between genuine romantic enthusiasm and manipulation disguised as devotion? In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Dr. Diane Strachowski, licensed psychologis
Compatibility Explained: What Actually Predicts Lasting Love & Relationships w/ Eli Finkel
How do you actually know if someone is a good match for you—not just on paper or in the early spark, but in a way that lasts over time? So much of modern dating emphasizes chemistry, shared interests, and surface-level alignment, yet research shows those factors aren’t the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Eli Finkel, social
The Hidden Cost of Avoidant Attachment: Why Pushing People Away Doesn’t Protect You w/ Kylie McBeath
Ever notice how wanting closeness can suddenly make you feel trapped or how independence can quietly turn into emotional distance? To continue the conversation from last week, Julie & Yue chat with Mark's now-wife Kylie McBeath, relationship educator, co-author of Liberated Love, and someone who didn’t just study avoidant patterns, but lived them. Kylie opens up about why she ended a relat
The Real Work of Love: Healing Attachment Wounds & Choosing Growth in Relationships w/ Mark Groves
When one person pulls away and the other leans in harder, the result is often frustration, confusion, and emotional exhaustion. In this episode, Julie & Yue talk with Mark Groves—human connection specialist, author, and founder of Create the Love—about what it takes to step out of the anxious–avoidant cycle and into a more secure form of partnership. Drawing from both research and lived experi
Quieting the Clock: Letting Go of Timeline Anxiety in Love & Life w/ Beth Gulotta
There’s a quiet pressure many people carry: the feeling that they’re running out of time. Time to find love. Time to settle down. Time to make it all happen before the clock says otherwise. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by therapist and advocate Beth Gulotta to explore how societal timelines—especially around love, fertility, and partnership—shape our anxiety and decision-making. Thr
The Saboteurs That Are Killing Your Relationships w/ Shirzad Chamine
You’ve probably heard of IQ and EQ—but what if the missing piece in your relationships is PQ? In this episode, Julie and Yue are joined by Shirzad Chamine, bestselling author and creator of Positive Intelligence, to unpack how our inner saboteurs quietly undermine relationships. Drawing from neuroscience and cognitive psychology, Shirzad explains why we’re wired to judge ourselves and our partners
When Your Marriage Nearly Falls Apart: Lessons in Repair & Reconnection w/ Casey & Meygan Caston
Relationships don’t fall apart overnight—they erode through unresolved conflict, unmet needs, and missed opportunities for repair. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Casey and Meygan Caston from Marriage365, marriage coaches and authors of The Marriage Habit and 365 Connecting Questions for Couples, to explore how their own marriage nearly collapsed and what it took to rebuild it. Draw
The Science of Lasting Happiness (Inside & Outside Of Relationships) w/ Dr. Laurie Santos
We often assume that love, marriage, or having children is the key to happiness—but research tells a more complicated story. In this episode, Julie & Yue are talking with Dr. Laurie Santos, Yale professor, psychologist, and host of The Happiness Lab, to explore the science of well-being and how that relates to our relationships with others. Drawing on decades of research, Dr. Santos explains h
The Truth About Relationships: What’s Confusing, Frustrating, and Totally Normal w/ Todd Baratz
Love is supposed to feel good—so why does it so often feel confusing, activating, and emotionally exhausting? Even in the healthiest relationships, we can feel anxious, irritated, or like we’re “losing our mind,” which often leads to the quiet panic of wondering whether something is wrong with us or the relationship itself. Julie and Yue sit down with Todd Baratz, therapist and author of ‘How To L
Finding Love at Any Age: Why It’s Never Too Late to Build the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted w/ May Lee
What if it’s not too late for love and your timeline isn’t behind but rather right on time? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with former CNN journalist, and newly engaged May Lee to flip the cultural myth that love has an expiration date. At 57, May got engaged for the first time, proving that societal timelines are often more limiting than reality. Drawing from her own journey and the psyc
What Healthy Couples Need To Understand About Money In Order To Build Their Rich Life w/ Ramit Sethi
Money has a way of sneaking into every corner of a relationship—date nights, living arrangements, future plans, even how we argue or apologize. And yet, it’s one of the conversations couples avoid the most. In this episode, Julie and Yue chat with Netflix host, bestselling author, and creator of Money For Couples, Ramit Sethi, to unpack the psychology behind financial tension that inevitably creep
The Real Reason Desire Changes in Long-Term Relationships (and What To Do About It) w/ Emily Nagoski
Sex is never just physical. Our desire, frustrations, and turn-ons are shaped by how we think, how we feel, and how safe we feel—both with our partners and within ourselves. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with health educator, researcher, and New York Times bestselling author Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. to explore the psychology and neuroscience of sex beyond surface-level conversations. Drawing
The Science of Attraction: The Research Behind About Who We Fall For and Why w/ Paul Eastwick
Why are we drawn to certain people—and why do some connections deepen while others fade? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with UC Davis professor and director of the Attraction and Relationships Research Lab, Dr. Paul Eastwick, to explore the science behind attraction and long-term compatibility. Drawing from decades of research, Paul Eastwick explains why our “ideal partner” checklist ofte
The Equality Myth: What Healthy Couples Do Instead of Going 50/50 w/ Nate & Kaley Klemp
What if striving for fairness is actually driving disconnection in your relationship? We’ve been sold the idea of a 50/50 partnership—that equal contribution is the key to love—but real life, stress, parenting, and ambition often make that impossible. In this episode, Julie and Yue interview husband-and-wife team Nate and Kaley Klemp, authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stron
Emotional Availability: The Real Foundation of Any Relationship (and Why So Many People Lack It) w/ Connor Beaton
We talk a lot about love, commitment, and compatibility—but there’s one quieter factor that determines whether a relationship can truly thrive: emotional availability. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks and author of Men’s Work, to explore why some people can hold space for your emotions and connect deeply, while others seem emotionally out of reach—eve
Do Relationships Make You Happy? The Truth About Love, Marriage & Happiness w/ Rob Mack
Many of us hold onto the belief that “once I’m in a relationship… then I’ll finally be happy.” But while love can absolutely bring joy, it can’t replace the inner work of building our own happiness baseline. In this episode, Julie and Yue talk with celebrity happiness coach and positive psychology expert Rob Mack about why lasting happiness starts within—not after you meet the right person. Drawin
Navigating a Pace Discrepancy: When One Person Is Ready for The Next Step & The Other Isn’t w/ Dr. Alexandra Solomon
It’s easy to feel steady in love—until you and your partner aren’t moving at the same pace. When one person is ready for the next step and the other isn’t, even the healthiest relationships can start to feel uncertain. Julie and Yue sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Alexandra Solomon to unpack what’s really happening beneath pace discrepancies. Drawing from her groundb
How to Love Better: The Reason Why Personal Growth Is What Keeps Your Relationship Strong w/ Yung Pueblo
Love grows when you do. We talk a lot about how to find love and how to keep it, but not nearly enough about how to grow inside it. Because real love isn’t just a feeling — it’s a skill. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with New York Times bestselling author Diego Perez (better known as Yung Pueblo) to explore how self-awareness, attachment, and emotional regulation shape the way we show up
Why We Love: What Science Tells Us About The Most Deeply Human Experience Of Our Lives w/ Dr. Anna Machin
When love feels hard, it’s easy to forget why we chose it in the first place. But remembering why we love—and what drives our need for connection—is often what helps us stay grounded. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Anna Machin to explore what biology, psychology, and evolution can teach us about the most deeply human experience we have. Drawing from tw
What Your Schemas Reveal About How You’re Wired For Relationships w/ Dr. Avigail Lev
We don’t just show up to relationships as adults — we show up with every belief we learned long before. Those early schemas — the quiet stories like “I’m not enough,” “People always leave,” or “Love has to be earned” — shape our patterns far more than we realize. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with psychologist and schema expert Dr. Avigail Lev to break down how these core beliefs form, w
The Most Important Ingredient for a Healthy Relationship: How Conflict Can Actually Bring You Closer w/ Vienna Pharaon & Connor Beaton
The reality is: no relationship is perfect. Conflict happens. Sometimes we hurt each other — even in the healthiest partnerships. But what truly matters is how we respond. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with licensed therapist Vienna Pharaon and men’s work leader Connor Beaton to explore why repair — not perfection — is the real foundation of a healthy relationship. Drawing from their own
The 6 Pillars of a Relationship + How To Build Habits That Strengthen Them
The reason relationships feel so rewarding and so hard? You’re not just dating a person, you’re navigating two sets of needs, triggers, habits, fears, and histories in one partnership. Beneath every smile, every fight, and every silence, there’s psychology at work. Over the past decade, we’ve explored modern dating on our hit podcast Dateable and through our book How to Be Dateable (Simon & Sc
Welcome to The Psychology of Relationships
This is The Psychology of Relationships out 11/20/25. Subscribe now so you get all the episodes. Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWOur Sponsors:* Get Behind Closed Doors wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com* Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code PO
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