Refamulating
Refamulating is a podcast that explores diverse ways of forming families beyond the traditional nuclear model. Host Julia Winston shares emotionally honest stories from real people about queer parents, egg and sperm donors, surrogates, blended families, child-free individuals, and communal living. The show aims to reframe our understanding of family in today's world, one story at a time.
Episodes
Parallel Paths: A Surrogacy Story with a Twist
Brad and Alyssa tried for three years to have a baby. After multiple miscarriages, five failed IVF embryo transfers and a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility", they eventually turned to surrogacy. That turned out to be the path that finally opened the door to parenthood, but it wasn’t the end of their journey. During their surrogate’s pregnancy they got a surprise that changed the course of how
“Back and Forth”: From Next Door Neighbors to Chosen Family
When Sage bought a small pink house in Boulder, Colorado, she had no idea her next-door neighbor would become something closer to family. Over the last 18 years, Sage and Margaret wove their lives together, sharing meals, childcare, grief, and joy, in ways neither of them could have planned. Their story is a quiet argument for proximity, and for building family with the people closest to you.
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REFAM CHAT: A New Way To Freeze And Donate Your Eggs with Lauren Makler
Years ago, Lauren Makler was diagnosed and treated for a rare abdominal disease. Doctors told her her ovaries might not survive the surgeries she needed, so when she conceived her first child without any assistance, she was shocked. She took that feeling of having a baby despite the odds and turned it into her business, Cofertility. She wanted anyone who wanted kids to have access to fertility tec
REFAM CHAT: How We’re Re-examining Wedding Traditions
Julia and Claire are both getting married this year (cute!) and the wedding planning process has opened up new refamulating questions for them: who do we include in the celebration? What traditions are important and what do we want to ditch? And what is the best way to take back a wedding invite to all of your extended family (we have tips)!
And then they reminisce on Claire’s recent bachelorette
REFAM CHAT: How To Find Your People (And Community) with Katherine Goldstein
For a lot of Americans, it’s getting harder and harder to find community. Fewer people are religious, we move around more and with more things online, we spend less time running errands and interacting with people in real life. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Katherine Goldstein, author of the upcoming book "How to Find Your People" and creator of The Double Shift substack, which gives advice o
REFAM CHAT: It’s Okay To Put Friendship At The Center Of Your Life (with Rhaina Cohen)
Our culture spends a lot of time talking about the importance of romantic love: finding it, keeping it, and normalizing it as THE most important person in your life. But that completely discounts the deep, meaningful friendships so many of us have. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks with author Rhaina Cohen about her book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship At The Center. R
REFAM CHAT: Cracking ‘The Mother Code’ with author Ruthie Ackerman
When Ruthie Ackerman was in her late 30s, she realized she wanted to have a baby. But there was a problem- she was married to someone who didn’t. So, she got divorced and began a transformative process to motherhood. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Ruthie about her experience with IVF and egg donation to finally get pregnant, what it was like to confront the stories about motherhood she grew up
20 I Refriendulating: A celebration of platonic soulmates
To wrap season 2, we honor and celebrate the unsung heroes of our emotional lives—our closest friends. While we celebrate romantic milestones with parties and gifts, our friendships—often life's most enduring relationships—frequently go unhonored. In this episode, Julia shares an intimate conversation with her platonic soulmate, Lia, about what makes their friendship special and how they’ve stayed
19 I Finding Peace with Parents Who Don't Fully Accept You with Jedidiah Jenkins
Show Notes:
Disagreeing with your family is nothing new. But in the last decade, as politics and culture in the U.S. have become increasingly polarized, so have many of our families. Jedidiah Jenkins felt this kind of division in his family from a young age when he realized he was gay in an evangelical Christian home. Now an adult, Jedidiah has figured out how to maintain a loving, supportive re
18 I There’s Nothing Wrong With You! You’re Just Single
Almost half of American adults are single, yet we still treat being unpartnered as a problem to solve. But being single is not better or worse than being in a relationship, it’s just a different experience. In this episode, Julia interviews her single friends about what they love about being single and how they navigate a world built for couples. Then she chats with author Glynnis MacNicol about c
17 I Caregiving & Family Pt 2: The Realities of Caring For Children with Disabilities
Erica spent her childhood living with a disability and needing a lot of care from her mom. As an adult, she’s now the caretaker to two children with disabilities. In this episode, Erica talks about what she learned from her mom as a caregiver, the day to day realities of caring for children who need a lot of assistance and how that impacts her career, her marriage and her finances.
Check out Eri
16 I Caregiving & Family Pt 1: What It's Really Like To Receive Long-Term Care When You Have a Disability
In this episode we meet Kathleen Downes- a 31-year-old woman who lives with her parents and dog in New York. Kathleen has cerebral palsy, which means she needs constant care to do daily activities. Kathleen talks about the complicated relationship between care recipients and their families, the broken policies that force impossible choices, and the radical act of finding joy despite a system desig
15 I Family Preservation in Foster Care: Building a bridge between two families through radical compassion
Aaliyah and Jamyla have three moms - their birth mother Nicole, their foster mom (soon to be adopted mom) Chalice, and Chalice's fiancée Rachel. Chalice and the girls met eight years ago when the girls needed a foster parent. In the eight years they’ve known each other, Aaliyah and Jamyla have learned how hearts can expand to love many parents in their blended family.
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The episode transcript can
REFAM CHAT: Recognizing All Of Our Milestones
Something we’ve realized while working on this project is that the nuclear family has infiltrated so much of our lives. (For example, housing in America is designed for a single, nuclear family.)
Another example of that is what we consider milestones in our life. Think about it- the list of big milestones in our lives is fairly short: graduations, getting married, and having a kid.
These are the
14 I The Single Greatest Choice: Embracing solo motherhood
Katie Bryan grew up in a nuclear family in Texas, and always dreamed her future family would include a doting husband, a beautiful house in the suburbs, and of course, children. She spent almost 20 years searching for the right partner so she could make this dream come true, but at 39 she was still single and child-free. That’s when she realized she didn’t have to wait for a husband, she could hav
REFAM CHAT: The name dilemma
A lot of us refamulating have faced a similar challenge: as we choose a new path or carve out a different role in a family, we realize there is no name for us. A step-parent wants a more warm and loving name. An egg or sperm donor with an emotional tie to the family doesn’t want to be referred to by this clinical title. Or maybe a close friend plays an important role to your kids but isn’t technic
13 I Don’t Tell Mom: Grieving the “living death” of family estrangement
When Emily was a child, a family member abused her and told her to keep it a secret. She kept that secret until she was 34, but her family didn’t react well once she told the truth. Eventually Emily chose to stop talking to them, and in this episode she explains her choice to be estranged from her family and why estrangement has been important for her healing.
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Join us for this month’s ReFamily
12 I Reframing The American Dream (Pt 2): Communal Living Makes a Family
Show Notes:
What happens when you expand beyond the nuclear family home? In this episode, we meet people who've chosen to share their daily lives with others in unconventional ways - from two married couples buying a house together to raise kids, to a man who's spent 14 years living on a hippie commune. Their stories challenge our assumptions about what makes a successful adult and show how livi
11 I Reframing The American Dream (Pt 1)
The nuclear family has been held up as the ideal for generations, but it's actually a relatively recent invention. From college dorms to pandemic pods, some of our happiest moments come from living in community with others. So why do Americans cling to independence as a marker of success? In our Season 2 premiere, we explore how our individualistic lifestyle developed, what it's costing us, and ho
REFAM CHAT: Love is in the air + Sister Wives
Before season 2 officially starts Tuesday, Nov 12, Julia and Claire chat about a few things: Julia is officially a Fairy Godmother and shares an update (the twins are born! she's held them!) Claire is getting married, which has brought up a lot of refamulating feelings. And then we have a special segment where Claire, a reality TV junkie, makes Julia, a reality TV virgin, watch an episode of Siste
Season 2 Trailer
We're back with season 2 of Refamulating! We have more stories of personal and family transformation including being a solo mom by choice, how caregiving impacts families, polyamory and more.
Season 2 launches November 12, 2024.
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Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share spec
Curious about non-monogamy? Join us for the October ReFamily Dinner!
Each month we host a live, virtual event called The ReFamily Dinner! It's a way for us to connect with other refamulators outside of the podcast.
This month’s ReFamily Dinner will feature a conversation with Heath Schechinger, a psychologist and co-founder of The Modern Family Institute, about ethical non-monogamy. Whether you're considering this lifestyle or simply curious to understand it bette
10 I Seahorse Dad: Planning for pregnancy as a transgender man
Liam is a transgender man who has spent the last eight years embracing his true life. He changed his name, took hormones, and got top surgery. But recently he had a big realization. He wants to be a father – and he wants to carry his own child. Now Liam has stopped taking hormones and started preparing his body to do something he never imagined: get pregnant.
Listen to Liam’s Terrible, Thanks For
09 I Sister Moms: From foster care to chosen family
Show Notes: When Lindsay lost custody of her toddler, Gabriel, an acquaintance named Rachel stepped in as his foster mom. As Lindsay worked toward reunification with her son, she and Rachel developed an unlikely friendship. The journey they’ve shared has led them to create a new family unit with Gabriel at the center.
The episode transcript can be found here.
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Connect with us:
EMAIL: hello@ref
08 I The Childfree Life Is The Life For Me
For many people, “starting a family” includes having kids. But we know that not everyone wants to be parents, and in this episode we hear from a handful of childfree people to celebrate that choice.
Listen to Claire’s Terrible, Thanks for Episode, ‘Should I Have Kids?’ here.
You can follow Heidi Clements at @welcometoheidi on Instagram.
The episode transcript can be found here.
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Connect with u
07 I Family Secrets Revealed: How a DNA test brought one woman home to herself
A few years ago, Alexis Hourselt took a commercial DNA test. She was hoping the results would help her with some ancestral research about the Mexican side of her family. But the day she got her results became the day everything she knew about her family changed forever.
Alexis Hourselt is the host of the podcast DNA Surprises, a show that talks to other people who learned their biological truth t
06 I Thicker Than Water: Creating family with a known sperm donor
When Cat and Emily, two women, wanted to have a baby, they knew they would need outside help. They asked their friend David to donate his sperm. They didn’t just want his DNA though, they wanted to invite him into the family they were creating.
The episode transcript can be found here.
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Connect with us:
EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.
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We'll Be Back In June!
We are taking a break this month to produce the rest of Season 1. We got some amazing submissions from you all, and we are excited to come back with stories about your families :)
We'll be back with a new episode June 4.While we're away, consider signing up for our newsletter. Each month we share all of the articles, books, movies and podcasts we're listening to as we make these episodes.
Send
05 I Are You My Llama: Creating a blended family after divorce
Lauren always knew she wanted a family. The way she imagined it, she’d meet a great guy, get married, and have babies. But when she finally met Dan in her late 30s, that’s not how it happened. Dan was a divorced dad with two small kids, so their family became a blended one. Lauren’s transition from Lauren to Mama (aka Llama), led her on a journey to grieve her single life, learn her new role as a
04 I Professionally Pregnant: For this mom, being a surrogate is more than a job, it’s a calling
When Jen was pregnant with her daughter, she had one of those unicorn pregnancies you never hear about in real life: she wasn’t tired or sick, and she felt energized by it all. But she and her husband didn’t want more biological kids, so Jen started thinking about how she could experience the magic of pregnancy again. That’s when she became a surrogate and found her life’s purpose.
The episode tr
03 I Accidental Parents: Creating a family after tragedy
Four years ago, Lindsay and Jeff were just starting their family. The 32-year-old couple had recently bought a house. They were talking about getting married and they knew they wanted kids…one day. Then, Lindsay’s step-sister collapsed, and overnight everything changed. Lindsay’s sister had 10-year-old twins, and as their mom lay unconscious in a hospital, Lindsay wondered if she and her boyfriend
02 I Picture Perfect: A single dad’s journey to fatherhood
Tony Lilios always imagined himself as a father. When he was younger, the picture he had in head included a wife, a few kids, and a white picket fence. Then he came out as gay and had to totally re-imagine his vision for family. It took him almost 20 years, but Tony finally created a family that’s better than he ever could have dreamed. And he couldn’t have done it without the help of two very spe
01 I My Big, Gay, Blended Family
Wait...what is a family? When host Julia Winston donated her eggs to a gay couple in her late 30s, it blew up her idea of what it means to make a family. That’s how “refamulating” was born – it’s a noun, a verb, a show. This show!
Through this journey, Julia realized she’s been refamulating her whole life. She went from a traditional nuclear family, to divorced parents, a gay dad, and eventually,
00 I Becoming Fairy Godmother: Egg donation and creating a new kind of family
Two years ago Julia Winston was asked to help a gay couple start a family by donating her eggs. At the time, she was 38, single, and had no idea if she’d start her own family. Sometimes that made her feel insecure, so the opportunity to donate her eggs allowed her to help create a family, just not the one she imagined in her head. Since the donation, she’s gone through an emotional transformation
Introducing Refamulating!
Refamulating is a new podcast that celebrates different ways to make a family.
Episodes 1 and 2 drop April 2.
A generation ago, most Americans were guided by the idea of the nuclear family: a mom, a dad, two kids, and a derpy dog. Many still have a family like this, and that’s great!
But the numbers show it doesn't represent the majority of American households. In fact, there is no one-size-fi
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