Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating
Real talk about cheating, delivered by friends who get it. Your hosts are Tracy Schorn, aka Chump Lady who runs the advice site ChumpLady.com, and Sarah Gorrell, a radio journalist and mighty single mum of four. We talk with resilient people who survived infidelity and to experts about cheaters, relationships, parenting, and, of course, mightiness. Sarah brings the dulcet tones. Tracy brings the snark. New episodes every week.
Episodes
133. Should You Report Workplace Cheating?
In this episode, Sarah and Tracy discuss your voicemail questions. A woman wonders if she should report her cheating soon-to-be-ex-husband for having a workplace affair with a woman he was professionally mentoring? Also on the topic of telling and not telling, what happens when children disclose to their betrayed parent that they knew about the cheating?
132. Advice About Dating Post-Divorce
We got your stories after Sarah said she was considering dipping her toe into the dating waters. Instead of horrifying us with gruesome tales, most of you were encouraging. And resilient! We hear about better boundaries and better boyfriends. Okay, and a few errant dick pics.
131. Two OBGYNs Talk About Infidelity
In this episode Tracy talks with two OBGYNs -- Dr. Leyla Moossavi and Dr. Diane Traenkle -- about what it's like to be on the front lines of women's health when dealing with infidelity. Having to break the news to someone that she's tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease is not a topic covered in medical school. They shoot straight about the health risks of being cheated on. Everything
130. Unhitched: Talking Divorce with Therapist Oona Metz
Oona Metz is the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. She is a therapist with 30 years of clinical experience. For the past 15 years Oona has specialized in treating women navigating divorce. She and Tracy discuss why divorce shame remains a stubborn relic, the grief of losing a marriage (even a bad one), and the power of peer support to get you. If you chose a divorce, or h
129. Dating After Divorce: Sarah's Trepidation
Sarah decided to shelf dating for the last 13 years and focus instead on raising four kids. But now that they're nearly grown, she's considering to try dating. Maybe. Her friends are sharing horror stories. Tracy shares a couple horror stories and some pointers (as a two-timer loser who is been happily remarried for 15 years, yet sucks at dating.) And we open the field to your stories and advice.
128. Why Yes I Did Out My Cheater, Part 2
Last week we heard from chumps who outed their cheaters -- to their families, their other Other Schmoopies, and even their employers. This is part 2 of "Did you out your cheater?" Hell hath no fury...
127. Did You Out Your Cheater?
Chumps are often told to keep their partner's infidelity to themselves. In this episode we hear from listeners who shouted it from the rooftops. Maybe dropped a dime to their employers. Or perhaps held a roadside sign. We say "If it feels good, don't do it." But does that include disclosure? This is a two-part series.
126. Her Cheater Gave Her HPV16: An Interview with Eileen Fox
Tracy interviews Eileen Fox, who was married for over 30 years in what she thought was a monogamous marriage when she discovered her husband's double life. For years he'd been having risky sex with men and prostitutes. As a result of his cheating, Eileen contracted a virulent form of the human papillomavirus, HPV16 and got vulvual, cervical, and anal cancers. Now this mighty woman is raising aware
125. More of Comparing Yourself to the Affair Partner
Part two from last week's episode. Did comparing yourself to real or as-yet-unknown affair partners do your head in? Did your cheater thrill to everyone's pick me dance? Listen as chumps tell us how and why they stepped out of the game.
124. Did You Compare Yourself to the Affair Partner? Part 1
Caught up in the pick me dance, it's hard not to compare and contrast yourself to the affair partner, who until D-Day was a phantom competitor. In this episode we hear from listeners what details they discovered about the mystery Schmoopies, but most of all how they wised up and stopped competing. Anyone who loves you would never goad you into a humiliating contest.
123. Infidelity as Ambiguous Grief
When you get chumped, why don't people bring casseroles? In this episode Tracy and Sarah discuss the complicated "ambiguous" grief of infidelity. Therapists call ambiguous grief "complex, often unresolved emotional pain felt when a loved one is physically absent but psychologically present, or physically present but psychologically absent. Being cheated on is its own kind of loss without closure a
122. Chump Lady Answers Your Voicemails
In this episode, Tracy responds to your miscellaneous voicemails. A caller wishes to "put the final nail in the coffin" on the argument that infidelity is abuse, because of STI risk and consent. Another listener shares news about a sex addict conference in Denver. And a woman has a hard time leaving her marriage after her fifth D-Day and over thirty years of marriage.
121. Yet More Stupid Things Affair Partners Say
There was so much stupid, enough to make a second podcast of submissions. All the dimwitted things people in affairs say to chumps. We can't make sense of it, but we can make fun of it.
120. Stupid Things Affair Partners Say
We asked, you answered with the dumbest, most self-serving, ridiculous things affair partners say to chumps. How can you come between them? Hey, they're praying for you. We'll all laugh about this and be friends someday.
119. Are the Kids Okay? When Cheaters Abandon
In this episode Sarah and Tracy discuss what happens when parents cancel their subscriptions to adulting and check out for affairs. We hear from listeners how the kids are doing and how to navigate solo parenting. What it's like to be the show up parent contrasted with the Disney Dad or Mom. Is there any reward?
118. When Cheaters Tell You How Much They Hate Cheating
If you're a cheater who disavows cheating, are you suffering from cognitive dissonance? Or are you skilled in the dark arts of manipulation? Perhaps it's both. The best defense is a good offense. We hear from listeners about how they assumed their partners were safe because they were so offended by infidelity. How chumps were accused of cheating. How pointless the monogamy conversation was. And th
117. Your Cheater's Most Pathetic Attempts to Win You Back
Inspired by the Olympic skier who took the opportunity of his medal win to plead for his girlfriend to take him back after cheating on her, we share your cringy hoovering stories. Hey, it didn't work out with Schmoopie! You free?
116. The Most Self-Pitying Messages from Cheaters
It's a common manipulation tactic for unfaithful partners to lead with self pity. Hey, their infidelity was hard on them too. Actually, harder really. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah respond to your sad sausage submissions. What happens when self-pity meets a blithering lack of self-awareness? Will you rescue them from the affliction of their own choices?
115. Sane Parenting: An Interview with Kirk Martin
In this episode, Tracy talks with Kirk Martin, the creator of the Calm Parenting podcast which covers the power struggles between kids and parents and outlines strategies to help. Kirk is a compassionate observer of the unjust financial and emotional burdens single parents face. During his childhood in the 1970s, Kirk's mother left his abusive father and raised four boys on her own. We talk about
114. A Tribute to Sylvia, Sarah's Mum
When Sarah's then-husband walked out for his affair partner, her mother was her rock for the next 14 years. She helped Sarah raise the children, and was her biggest supporter. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah talk about their infidelity angels, the people who got them through. Sylvia passed away in December. Sarah was her caregiver until the end. Love is all about showing up.
113. Are Mistresses Unfairly Shamed?
Tracy and Sarah react to a letter at ChumpLady.com from a mistress asking Tracy to please inform her boyfriend's wife about their affair. (That was a hard pass no.) And they discuss an article in the New York Times on the "ritual shaming" of the Other Woman. Was Kristin Cabot, of Cold Play concert Jumbotron fame unduly held to account for infidelity in a way her boss was not?
112. 'If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets': An Interview with Virginia DeLuca
Tracy talks with therapist, Virginia DeLuca, author of "If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets," a candid, funny, and emotionally rich memoir about divorce and reinvention in her 60s. After 14 years, her husband suddenly abandoned their marriage, explaining that he wanted children. Unbeknownst to DeLuca, there was another, much younger, woman, of course. She published her debut memoir at 72, proving
111. Discovering Your Cheater's Selfies
Sarah and I are back after our hiatus to discuss your ex's cringey selfies. The fish. The dick pics. The ones where you're cropped out. If you ever stumbled upon an entire audiovisual library of your cheater's dating profiles and it's scarred in your memory, this episode is for you.
110. Your Terrible In-law Stories
Sometimes the fuckwit doesn't fall far from the tree. In this episode we hear your terrible inlaw stories. The mother-in-law who asks what you did to make him cheat? The fat shaming. The enabling. The ghosting of grandchildren. So, if you're getting misty for the people you may have lost in the divorce, this episode will sober you up. Or hug the good people in your life a little tighter.
109. Holiday D-Days Anyone?
It's that time of year when it's hard for cheaters to maintain their double lives. Consequently, a lot of newly minted chumps are having D-Days during the holiday season. We hear from listeners how they survived the discoveries, the show-must-go-on family get togethers and oppressive bonhomie of social media.
108. Why Women's Pain Matters -- Tracy and the Happy Hausfrau Discuss the Epstein Scandal
Rep. Clay Higgins of Louisiana voted not to release the Epstein files. He was the only dissenting vote. Reportedly, he also owes over $140,000 in back child support to one of his ex-wives. (He's on his fourth wife.) Tracy and guest host Jenny of the Happy Hausfrau blog -- two women owed thousands in back child support -- discuss the Epstein scandal. The f*ckwits involved, the power dynamics, and w
107. Things You Will Not Miss About Your Ex
The holidays are coming and it's a good time to remember all the things you do not (or will not) miss about your cheating ex. We hear about puppets in church, obnoxious sneezing, and hair powder. Horrific hygiene and rage driving. Bizarre hobbies and bad attitudes. Sound engineer Beowulf does his best dramatic Grinchy Thurl Ravenscroft voice to read the list. Sarah and Tracy react in horror. Thank
106. Cruelty by Nature: An Interview with Dr. Peter Salerno
We're back with Dr. Peter Salerno this week talking about his new book "Cruelty By Nature: The Science of Intentional Abuse." If you've been at the receiving end of abuse and were confused why unconditional love wasn't working, this episode is for you. Do some people enjoy being cruel? Is unkindess its own reward? Salerno discusses the research around personality disorders and sadism and takes on
105. A Story of Actual Sister Wives and Other Polyamory Flops
Tracy and Sarah react to your polyamory experiments. The open marriage stories keep coming... In this episode we hear about a man with two sister wives. (Literally). A polyamorous marriage that was one-sided, while he tomcatted around and left her with the kids. And a therapist who helps other people negotiate ethical non-monogamy while was unbeknownst married to a guy who practiced it unethically
104. Your Open Marriage Proposition Stories
We asked listeners if they'd been propositioned by their partner to be in an open relationship, only to find they were being cheated on. The polyamory disaster stories are in!
103. Worst Exits Ever
In this episode we asked listeners for their Worst Exits Ever stories. The cheaters who abandoned the family at Christmas. Or during a health crisis. Or just days before a giant exam. During the third round of chemo. Or when the chump is pregnant with twins. What's going on? Are they maximizing the cruelty? Is it deliberate? The good news is, everyone who reported in said after the initial hardshi
102. Life-Saving Divorce: An Interview with Gretchen Baskerville
Tracy interviews Gretchen Baskerville author of the book and blog "Life-Saving Divorce." Gretchen has been a visible critic of the "Reconciliation Industrial Complex" and Christian evangelical marriage retreats in particular. She's followed up with participants of expensive marriage intensives and found 7 in 10 later divorced or separated within the year. A stark contrast to the "your marriage can
101. Open Marriage Skepticism
A recent news article discussed the increase in popularity of polyamory as an option on dating sites, while contrasting it with real life TV shows featuring polyamorous relationships, like Sister Wives, where the arrangement collapsed and they defaulted to monogamy. Sarah and Tracy compare notes on the impracticality of multiple sex partners in our middle-aged, busy lives. And also how "ope
100. Could Your Cheater Have a Personality Disorder? An Interview with Dr. Peter Salerno
Tracy talks with pyschologist Dr. Peter Salerno about the intersection of infidelity and personality disorders. A lot of conventional therapy assumes that clients lack insight into their behavior and that antisocial behavior is the result of childhood trauma. Dr. Salerno argues that this approach ignores the behavioral science of personality disorders. Manipulation, deception, and a pathological l
99. How Do You Define Cheating?
Chump Nation came up in an NPR discussion about how to define cheating. Unfortunately, the commentators seemed to have no lived experience or deep sunk costs with a cheater. The conversation centered on rejections like your boyfriend making out with someone else. Guest host Jenny the Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy defend the position that infidelity is a form of abuse and debunk the romanticism
98. How to Handle It When Your Kids Get Cheated On
What happens when you discover your teen or adult child has been cheated on? Do your kids navigate this better if you modeled good boundaries? Or is the chump condition heriditary? In this episode, Sarah discusses how her daughter Jess reacted when she discovered her boyfriend acting shady. The Universal Bullshit Translator makes its first podcast appearance as it digests Jess's boyfriend's waffly
97. How Was Your Cheater Exposed?
Sarah and Tracy hear from listeners about how their cheaters' affairs were exposed. (None of them by Jumbotron, alas.) Some affair partners outed the relationships to win the pick-me dance. In other cases, technology mishaps led to discovery. (Why don't these people learn how devices synch?) It's painful however you find out, but it's better to know than waster another minute being duped.
96. When Affair Partners Marry
Guest cohost Jenny aka The Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy discuss the Bezo wedding extravangaza and what happens when affair partners marry. We hear from listeners about Schmoopie nupitals and what marriage means to the monogamy challenged.
95. Coldplay Cheater Schadenfreude
It's the biggest cheating scandal of the year -- former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and his subordinate HR Chief Kristin Cabot caught mid-canoodle by a Jumbotron "kiss cam." The world is reveling in schadenfreude, but what does it mean to the chumped? Vindication? A beautiful accountability fantasy come true? Sympathy for the kids involved? We hear from listeners about their feelings on the Jumbotro
94. Are AI Girlfriends Cheating? The ChatGPT Schmoopie
Guest co-host Jenny aka the Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy snark about the guy who proposed marriage to his ChatGPT girlfriend, but not his live-in girlfriend and mother of his child. Are ChatGPT paramours the new frontier in AI cheating? How narcissistic is it to have a programmable girlfriend?
93. Crazy Cheater Reactions to Being Caught
You never know what kind of reaction you'll get when you confront a cheater. On the one hand are the stone cold freaks with no adaptive anxiety. They lean into their lies and never break a sweat. Even in the face of hard evidence. Alternatively, are the cheaters who completely lose their composure. To the guy who had a meltdown and hopped away in a sleeping bag, to others who feign psychiatric cri
92. What Else Didn't You Know About?
Besides the cheating, what else didn't you know about? Listeners tell us the details of their cheaters double lives beyond the sex. The missing monies. The hooker habit. An entire other family. Where there's one secret, you may find others.
91. Reconciliation and the Dave Grohl Baby Mama Drama
In this episode Tracy gives her take on the news that Dave Grohl and his wife Jordyn Blum have decided to reconcile. While Grohl simultaneously has committed himself to being a "hands on" father with his daughter by his affair partner. Could we please change the discourse that single parents aren't family enough? And stop the assumption that everyone needs the FW in their lives? Just cash the chec
90. Her Husband Swears He Isn't Gay, He Just Cheats with Men
Tracy and Sarah respond to a listener's dilemma about her husband. He's cheating with men, but swears he's not gay. She's trying to get him into sex addiction therapy. Also, a Fuckwit of the Week submission -- exotic vacations discoveries to which you weren't invited.
89. Should You Tell the Children About the Affair?
In this episode, we react to an atrocious column in the New York Times by therapist Lori Gottlieb, where a woman asks if she should be honest with her children about their father's cheating and the resulting divorce. Gottlieb shames the woman for even considering speaking of her betrayal and defers to the man's narrative instead. (You drove him to it.) Sarah and Tracy weigh in.
88. Stupid Cheater Life Plans
Did you thwart a cheater's happiness? Are you the obstacle to their greatness? In this episode Tracy and Sarah explore stupid cheater life plans. The grass is always greener on the other side of whatever they committed to. Including you. Listeners share the impulsive schemes and dreams, the alpaca farm, the missionary job that wasn't, and the lost opportunity to be a kiteboarder.
87. Worst Reconciliation Advice You Got
If you just discovered your partner cheating, chances are you got some common reconciliaton advice like "Wait 6 months before you make a decision." Or "Don't tell anyone." Or moronic warnings about "affair fog." (They know not what they do! Maybe if you wait patiently they'll return to you and it will Make Your Marriage Stronger!) In this episode, listeners tell us the worst, victim-blaming, nonse
86. Stop Labeling Partners of Sex Addicts "Codependent" - An Interview with Diane Strickland
In this re-edited interview, we talk with trauma specialist Diane Strickland and creator of the site yourstoryissafehere.com about sex addiction and partners being labeled "codependent." Why women are shamed for their anger. And much more.
85. Sexually Deceptive People -- An Interview with Dr. Omar Minwalla
In this re-edited version of an earlier recording, Sarah and Tracy spoke with Dr. Omar Minwalla, a therapist who is known for his work "The Secret Sexual Basement." He sees infidelity as abusive and a sexual deception problem, which makes him something of an outlier in the therapy community. We talk about his model, infidelity as abuse, and how to change the narrative with mental health profession
84. Affair Proofing Your Marriage and Andrew G. Marshall
In this re-edited version of an early broadcast, Tracy and Sarah challenge therapist Andrew G. Marshall on his promise that marriages can be affair-proofed. Did he say that? Was he taken out of context when he told women that they must apologize to their unfaithful husbands?
83. The Weirdest Things Cheaters Wanted in the Divorce or Breakup
In this episode we hear about all the imponderable things cheaters wanted in the breakup. Not real estate, or children, or sentimental items. But weird stuff, like flooring tiles they'll never use. Or that book on West Virginia coal mining. Or your grandmother's dining room set. Is it spite? Are they clueless? Tracy and Sarah react to your many submissions.
82. The Jesus Cheater Who Thought She'd "Fight" for Him
In this short episode, Tracy and Sarah respond to a letter from a woman who's husband was astounded that after decades of marriage she left him. He was a church deacon, a Jesus cheater, with a double life. As she left, he told her "I thought you'd fight harder for me."
81. Who Was Your Infidelity Angel?
Keeping on the theme of good people, we asked listeners who helped them get through infidelity? Who was their guiding angel? A stranger, family member, friend? Cheaters might destroy your trust in humanity, but others renew your faith.
80. Random Acts of Kindness
We asked listeners -- what random act of kindness moved you after you were chumped? Tracy tells about her mysterious breakfast benefactor and Sarah shares a story about the time her car broke down. We hear about infidelity angels and kind strangers who appeared at just the right time with encouragement and support. A departure from the usual look at bad actors, this week we celebrate good people.
79. Does My Husband Have Another Wife?
Tracy and Sarah answer your letters including one from a woman who discovered her husband was telling people online that she was dead and referred to another woman and their child as "wife and daughter." Is this a game to him? Is he cheating? Or is this guy a sociopath? Another listener wonders what chumps would do differently if they knew about the cheating sooner.
78. F*ckwits of the Week
This week we asked what your FWs were up to. Of course, the goal is meh, but some of us are still coparenting, or in the midst of divorce, or news of their misadventures travels back. Often with a large dose of schadenfreude and gratitude that these folks are no longer our problem. Aggravating, in trouble with the law, irresponsible... they didn't get character transplants.
77. Mind Movies and Rumination After Infidelity
Part of the trauma after infidelity is rumination. The endless mind movies reliving what you know and, worse, imagining what you don't. In this episode, listeners tell us how they dealt with the endless intrusive thoughts. What therapies worked, who helped, and how they diverted their attention elsewhere. (True crime podcasts anyone?)
76. Aunties on the Bench: Advice from Chumps to the Newly Betrayed
What advice would you give a new chump knowning what you know now? We heard from many listeners who had hard-won advice for the newly betrayed. How to choose who you tell, to focusing on self-protecting over reconciliation, and deep regrets about pick-me dancing. Who better to tell you than the people who lived it? The idea for the episode was taken from the mental health nonprofit Friendship Benc
75. Cheater Non-Apology Apologies
"I'm sorry, but you didn't like octopus," is among the more ridiculous apologies a cheater has given for being unfaithful. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah react to your submissions for lamest non-apology apologies you received. The sad sausages for whom this hurts them too, more really. Those whose only crime was wanting happiness, and how can you fault happiness? To the clueless ones who didn't
74. How to Be a Supportive Friend to Someone Who Was Cheated On
Sarah and Tracy answer a letter from a listener wondering how she can be a supportive friend to someone who is in an abusive marriage with a cheater. When should you worry about your own personal safety, or call child services? Is there anything you can do beyond standing by and listening?
73. Coercive Controllers -- An Interview with Dr. Emma Katz
Tracy talks with domestic violence researcher Dr. Emma Katz about her book, "Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives." Many recognize violent behavior as transgressive, but more common abuse tactics fall under coercive control -- intimidatation, humiliation, isolation. The abuser's goal is to preserve their entitlement by breaking down their victim/partner's emotional state to greater de
72. She's 7 Months Pregnant and Caught Her Husband Sexting
Sarah and Tracy respond to a letter from a woman who discovered her husband is sexting and on dating site while she is 7 months pregnant. She thinks he has an addiction to the validation, but still loves her. It's just that he starts cheating and gets checked out. Should she move in with her parents? She wants to know how she can be mighty now, when she feels very vulnerable.
71. Why Can't I Leave Him?
Tracy responds to a woman, Beth, who writes in to say she can't seem to leave her partner even though she's deeply unhappy. She has shady, circumstantial evidence of cheating, but hasn't caught him. But meanwhile he's inappropriate with other women and has a porn addiction. She's not financially dependent on him, so what exactly is keeping her stuck?
70. Holiday Traditions You Don't Miss
Sarah and Tracy learn what holiday traditions you don't miss from your cheating exes. From obnoxious mother-in-law gifted decor, to the ex who threw a fully lit Christmas tree in a fit of rage. What are you thrilled to no longer live with and what new traditions did you replace the old ones with?
69. Stupid Things People Say When You've Been Cheated On
People say the most insensitive things when they learn you've been cheated on. Everything from the cliched "It takes two to tango" or "No one knows what goes on in a marriage" to the straight-up victim blaming of "you didn't give him enough sex." Or the self-congratulation of "I'm glad my husband would never cheat on me." Tracy and Sarah react to your gobsmacking submissions.
68. Holiday Cheater Stories
It's time again for your holiday cheater stories. The terrible gifts, the discoveries, the yuletide double lives... Tracy and Sarah react to your FW tales. Go into the new year knowing -- you are so much better off without these freaks in your life.
67. The Unknowing Other Woman and Her Child
A listener calls in to discuss being an unknowing Other Woman. Her cheater had three other families, as it turns out, including her child. She asks for understanding for those in complicated family situations. Children of cheaters are victims too.
66. Gender Bias in Family Court: An Interview with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko
In this interview with therapist Dr. Christine Cocchiola and investigative journalist Amy Polacko we discuss gender bias in family court. Both women have experienced domestic violence and in their book Framed, they shared the stories of women whose abusers weaponized the legal system against them in divorce and custody fights. Cocchiola and Polacko give pointers on what to look for before you get
65. The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards: An Interview with Jessica Waite
After Jessica Waite's husband suddenly died of a heart attack, she discovered the extent of his double life -- long-term affairs, prostitutes, debt and drug use. In her memoir, "The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards" she describes how she survived this devastating betrayal, came to terms with her late husband's memory, raised their son alone, and rebuilt her life. She discusses with Tracy how she dec
64. 10 Ways to Cope When Jerks Win
Tracy, as Chump Lady, has made quite a study of overcoming oppressive jerks. In this recorded pep talk, she expands on a recent blog post she wrote on how to eat the shit sandwich of injustice and keep on going.
63. What Did You Replace Your Cheater With?
A woman writes to say she swapped her cheating husband for a Roomba. Her new appliance vacuums, never gaslights her, and comes back to its home port every night. We asked: What did you replace your cheater with? We've got upgrades of every kind. And cats. A lot of cats.
62. How Did You Discover the Cheating?
Listeners discuss how they discovered their partners were cheating. From putting spy apps on a phone, to the idiot who forgot the Ring camera was recording, to the cheater who inadvertently alerted the private investigator to what car his Schmoopie drives. Sarah and Tracy react to the cheater hijinks and how cheaters underestimate their chumps.
61. 'Cheating Is Abuse,' An Interview with Nell Hudson
Tracy talks with writer and actress Nell Hudson about her eight-year relationship with a man who had a double life -- which she discovered on their anniversary. What he excused as another woman's infatuation with him, turned out to be an entire history of serial cheating with multiple partners. Tracy and Nell discuss the cultural narratives around infidelity, why we don't call it abuse, and what i
60. What If You Can't Escape the Affair Partner?
In this episode, Sarah and Tracy react to a letter from a woman who lives in the same small town as her ex and the affair partner -- her former friend. Worse, she has to interact with this person at her job. What's the answer? Move away or learn how to coexist? We also hear from two listeners, one with a red flag story on lying, and a mighty single dad who's crushing the sane parenting gig.
59. Red Flags of Cheating
The furtive bathroom visits with the cell phone, strange moods, and bizzare accusations that you're cheating -- in this episode we look at all the red flags that you're with a cheater. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you look back, what were the signs?
58. Did Anyone Get Pregnant During the Affair?
In this episode, we discuss the intersection of pregnancy and infidelity. The mistresses who got pregnant. The chumps who got cheated on while pregnant, or going through fertility treatments. The guy chumps who had to paternity test their kids. The "OMG I think I'm pregnant" Hail Mary play by mistresses to win the pick me dance. How children of affairs navigate the complicated stories of their par
57. Who Else Did You Lose in the Divorce/Breakup?
When you lost a cheater, who else did you lose in the breakup? People often think infidelity is just a private matter between a couple, and not a larger conspiracy, as it often turns out to be. In the end, you may lose "friends" who were affair partners, those who knew and didn't tell you, and the Switzerland folks who don't want to take sides. Listeners share their stories of who they lost, who t
56. Should You Confront an Affair Partner?
A woman writes in to Tracy and Sarah after suspecting that her best friend has been cheating with her now ex-husband. This friend has been cagey, unsupportive, and just admitted that she's been a cheater before. The letter writer wants to confront her friend about her behavior, but should she? Would it be better to ghost her instead? Or let it blow over?
55. Cheating Tropes and How to Defang Them
With the recent buzz about Chump Nation in the New Yorker and the Cut, Tracy takes on the haters. Consider it a teaching opportunity. Here's three common infidelity tropes and how to defang them: Bothsiderism (What did you do to make them cheat?); Infidelity is complex (You're a black and white thinker); and Quit Playing the Victim (You're too bitter and emotional).
54. The Walls In Your House Will Sing
Tracy talks with her 83-year old Aunt Joy about what it was like to divorce a cheater in the 1970s. A time when women couldn't get credit without their husbands' signatures, had no workplace protections, and being a single mother was considered a personal failure. Aunt Joy is famous on the Chump Lady blog for the expression "the walls in your house will sing" -- that feeling of freedom and relief
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