Romancing the Pod
Each week Paige and Todd review a romantic movie and break down the good, the bad, and the funny. Give it a listen, we’ll have you at hello.
Episodes
316 - Legend
“I guess I'll just die then”This week’s most romantic movie is... Legend. This film has everything: combustible studios, darkness wrecking balls, And hoop-ready couture. If you love fish-based marriage loopholes, AOL goblin poetry, and federal-prison Letterboxd, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more people discover our community.What did
315 - Something Wild
“This man is not analog. He's rich.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Something Wild. This film has everything: mandatory funeral serenades, lethally sexy sharks, And liquor-store pipe wisdom. If you love Christmas-in-June, Diet Coke performance reviews, and horribly misquoted Bible studies, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more peopl
314 - Sense and Sensibility
“I could make it 100% better in just four words: Directed by Baz Luhrmann.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Sense and Sensibility. This film has everything: front diapers, Terrorist heartbreakers, And tears for the landed gentry. If you love Fanny wordplay, wedding cakes on stilts, and are really anal about horse cinematography, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Revi
313 - Letters to Juliet
“I’d recognize that dick print a mile away.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Letters to Juliet. This film has everything: conveniently widowed vineyard owners, WW2 era celebratory sex pests, And a Spartacus-sized Lorenzo census. If you love hostile truffle games, newsroom understudies, and divinely discounted hot dogs, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romanci
312 - You, Me & Tuscany
“The first act of this movie is not a rom-com. It’s the perfect crime.”This week’s most romantic movie is... You, Me & Tuscany. This film has everything: Victorian raccoon crime syndicates, open-ended Tuscany tickets, And Matrix-glitch rock gardens. If you love Criss Angel sandwich wrapping, eight-pack sprinkler rescues, and Liam Neeson travel planning, this episode’s for you!Please S
311 - Love in the Villa
“Did you just take Barbarian and control-all ‘murder’ to put in ‘kissing’?”This week’s most romantic movie is... Love in the Villa. This film has everything: cheese trafficking, an modest sangria empire, And TripAdvisor instead of screenwriters. If you love orphanage luggage deliveries, olive-based attempted murder, and toilet-pamphlet plotlines, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, R
310 - Under the Tuscan Sun
“Pasta is the warmest color.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Under the Tuscan Sun. This film has everything: literal duckface, mean compliments, And way too much writer self-love. If you love Tuscan Raiders, never-ending breadstick diplomacy, and romantic Barbarian energy, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more people discover our co
309 - Roman Holiday
“She is a clown blazer away from just a full ass clown suit.”This week's most romantic movie is... Roman Holiday. This film has everything: emergency bangs consultations, comically long paper money, And a first kiss so disgusting, it's guaranteed to give you Giardia. If you love Italy tourism propaganda, top crisis secrets, and loose Gambinos, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate
308 - RENT
“Good food made by great people who made bad decisions.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Rent. This film has everything: Window Pains, Killer songs, And Cows on the right side of history. If you love narc documentaries, Law and Order math, and TMNT grief counseling, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more people discover our community.
307 - Dicks The Musical
“I’ll shoot it, Paige. It’s my Roomba.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Dicks the Musical, featuring special guest Danielle Perez. This film has everything: Homemade sand, Hand-job methphors, And Fire Island DJ cosplaying as god. If you love the sewer-boys, medically horny twins, and Uber rides with benefits, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod
306 - Kissing Jessica Stein
“What is the outside of a cheese stick if not a cheese condom?”This week’s most romantic movie is... Kissing Jessica Stein. This film has everything: equine flatulence, attendee hecklers, And knowing when to walk away from Hot Cross Buns-level art. If you love lavender marriage math, twin-bed logistics, and Jon Hamm as a sexual-orientation litmus test, this episode’s for you!Please Subscr
305 - Brokeback Mountain
“I think Ang Lee has some sort of tear fetish."This week’s most romantic movie is... Brokeback Mountain. This film has everything: Alma the Elder, rodeo-clown rejection, And Thanksgiving turkey chainsaws. If you love crying through cowboy hats, sheep-based emotional support, and store-wrapped fishing evidence, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to
304 - Troy
“It was wild to me that when they get there, they didn’t try the 'Helen Who' defense.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Troy. This film has everything: Cutting edge fighting techniques, Roasting neighborhood children, And using a papyrus scroll to call in sick to war. If you wish you could copy-and-paste Jason Mantzoukas, see the world’s dopest trick horse, and Pentatonix pantheons, t
303 - Lady Chatterley's Lover
“Please, sir, can I have some less?”This week's most romantic movie is... Lady Chatterley's Lover. This film has everything: Gushed-up getaways, God-approved marriage counseling, And historically accurate parachute panties. If you love 50 Shades of Hay, horny gamekeepers, and class-war cunnilingus, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more pe
302 - The Count of Monte Cristo
“Satan has a summer home in his voice box.”This week's most romantic movie is... The Count of Monte Cristo. This film has everything: Terrible sense of directions, Montel-style paternity reveals, And landlocked sea-leg maintenance. If you love Spirit Halloween, goatee-level disguises, and the count of sandwiches, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod
301 - Pride and Prejudice
“Foiled again by our own made up rules.”This week's most romantic movie is... Pride and Prejudice. This film has everything: Darcy’s opinion kink, historically accurate boredom, And more compliments that a potato is due. If you love only-hands thirst traps, laundry zip lines, and pig-testicle cinematography, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to he
300 - Titanic
“Is it like a hubris Bermuda Triangle over there?”This week's most romantic movie is... Titanic. This film has everything: Nudes leaked by the news, Ghost Math, And makeout-based maritime disasters. If you love synthesizer church, God’s cocktail, and walking-pasta immigration stories, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more people discover
299 - Basic Instinct
“Everyone went to Berkeley.”This week's most romantic movie is... Basic Instinct. This film has everything: way too much DNA, murder-for-profit royalties, And the interrogation full-frontal we deserved. If you love coked-out dance floor jealousy, wildly unethical psychiatrist hookups, and ice-pick happy endings, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod t
298 - Eyes Wide Shut
“Every cafe he walks into looks like it’s about to have a poetry slam.”This week's most romantic movie is... Eyes Wide Shut. This film has everything: wallet-sized stethoscopes, human furniture sex logistics, And an appropriately sized dance partner. If you love fake New York poetry-slam cafes, secret-society dweebs, and Tom Cruise turning lights on for 95 takes, this episode's for you!Pl
297 - The Housemaid
“You better keep that pulp away.”This week’s most romantic movie is... The Housemaid. This film has everything: Plate guys, Dalmatian coats, And the most evil “I know” in movie history. If you love John Wick housemaid franchises, juice-is-a-privilege children, and sandwich breaks in the middle of revenge arcs, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to
296 - Indecent Proposal
“I felt like I was sitting in a lecture that was being given by Elon Musk.”This week's most romantic movie is... Indecent Proposal. This film has everything: gumball machines filled with caviar, shoes being kicked across the room, And a plot Natalie Wood would not be ok with. If you love unemployed-architect confidence, best-two-out-of-three roulette logic, and movie's that should not exi
295 - Crossroads
“I’m like, 100% sure that’s the exact same excuse R. Kelly used. It didn’t work for him either.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Crossroads. This film has everything: Se7en-coded time capsules, menswear-coded lingerie, And aggressively notarized virgin consent. If you love Waffle House band diagnostics, Ghostbuster dad fanfic, and kissing in front of a giant Spy Kids poster, this epi
294 - Drive Me Crazy
“Hey, will you stop reading the stage directions and start reading your lines, please?”This week’s most romantic movie is... Drive Me Crazy. This film has everything: collision-based sexual awakenings, a WB-grade Entourage origin story, And hot-air-balloon deadbeat dads. If you love whiteboard screenplay conspiracies, brass-tiger riding, and a confusing centennial dance, this episode’s fo
293 - Wild Things
“Is this what it was like to be Matt Dillon in the 90s"This week’s most romantic movie is... Wild Things. This film has everything: Versailles beach heels, an IQ score that makes Einstein look stupid, and bush-cam detective work. If you love rich-kid swamp noir, courtroom rug-pulls, and Kevin Bacon being weird in ways that feel legally actionable, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe,
292 - Romeo Must Die
“He just is at hardware store like Christian Gray buying all the zip ties.”This week’s most romantic movie is... Romeo Must Die. This film has everything: a heroine with factory-installed GPS, an hero stealing every car he can, And Bay Area Troubles cosplay. If you love deeds-nuts real estate logic, low-res X-ray bone breaks, and Vancouver pretending real hard to be Oakland, this episode’
291 - Love Jones
“I can't incorporate the word pop into this press release.”This week's most romantic movie is... Love Jones. This film has everything: unexpected Philly Fanatic thirst, Chuck E. Cheese token-wealth flexes, And weaponized Toasted Oat drama. If you love record-store “just give me her info” behavior, taking poetry way too literally, and ruthless editing/pacing nitpicks, this episode’s for yo
290 - Jumping the Broom
“They can't have sex until they get married. God said so.” This week’s most romantic movie is... Jumping the Broom. This film has everything: inappropriate touching, Saxophone mishaps, And a chef that is cookin up some magic. If you love Martha’s Vineyard class warfare, family secrets dropping right before the vows, and a cities in china that don't even exist, this episode’s for you! Plea
289 - Poetic Justice
“It would be like standing right next to Gallagher as he smashes a watermelon”This week’s most romantic movie is... Poetic Justice. This film has everything: a possible Italian sandwich, passing out in Waffle Houses, And a risky Yelp review reviews. If you love road trip poetry, Maya Angelou cameos, and Tupac delivering mail like it’s foreplay, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rat
288 - Deliver Us from Eva
"Any way you slice that, that's the most interesting funeral you've ever been to."This week’s most romantic movie is... Deliver Us From Eva. This film has everything: A Mayor involved in a pending sex scandal, a $5,000 house, And a plan that would straight up get you thrown in federal prison. If you love mayoral wingmen, salty sisters, and felonies as foreplay, this episode’s for you!Plea
287 - Howard the Duck
"Paige made us look at duck titties"This week’s most romantic movie is... Howard the Duck. This film has everything: Tiny used condoms, illegal jacuzzis you can rent by the hour, And a horrific truth about ducks that are "Tops". If you love Cajun sushi diners, Quack Fu mugging lessons, and a Stargate that’s somehow being used to test space gases, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, R
286 - The Mask
"The Mask is sexy Animaniacs."This week’s most romantic movie is... The Mask. This film has everything: a live action Pepe Le Pew, pants pockets filled with gags, And the dumbest version of the Hulk you'll ever see. If you love green zoot-suits, balloon-animal's crossing the rainbow bridge, and literal puppy heros, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Po
285 - Robin Hood: Men in Tights
"May I Keep It"This week's most romantic movie is... Robin Hood: Men in Tights. This film has everything: a cell block maitre d. Dummies built for battle. And Dave back when he was really funny. If you love velcro beards, soup-can helmets, and red-carpet rollup mid-brawl, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more people discover our community
284 - Mannequin: On the Move
"Like a church dance at a laser quest."This week's most romantic movie is... Mannequin: On the Move. This film has everything: Sunglasses Scissors, Mole's with a rat tail, and an overly flirtatious Blue Knight. If you love sitcom-length plots, where-the-butt-starts debates, and GDP measured in mannequins, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help
283 - When Harry Met Sally
"She put her hands in God's mouth."This week's most romantic movie is... When Harry Met Sally. This film has everything: Wagon wheel coffee tables, a surprise Christmas grovel, and a first kiss that was as weak as a LaCroix. If you love pastrami priorities, Chris Bridge's dating rules, and song-machine chaos, this episode's for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to h
282 - Spirited
"Holy shit, is this Christmas Carol, John Wick?"This week’s most romantic movie is... Spirited. This movie has everything: Monthly Showers, Dolly getting Dickens'ed down, And the worst Tattoo ideas you ever hear come out of Tampa. If you love afterlife office politics, musical numbers that absolutely commit, and wildly confident bad ideas, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, an
281 - Wicked: For Good
"I hope she's got a lot of lotion or another sex cardigan."This week's most romantic movie is... Wicked: For Good. This film has everything: Technicolor Arrakis, the third worst pizza Paige has ever laid eyes on, and lifting a possible lover 20 feet off the ground... because of the implication. If you love whip-stealing women, killer songs, and two people yelling "JUST KISS ALREADY" at th
280 - Wicked
“Bitch, I am the Wizard”This week’s most romantic movie is… Wicked. This film has everything: A flying squirrel playing drums, A master in chaos theory doing shitty slight of hand, And a Orgy when you least expect it. If you love erotically serious line readings, talking horses, and square-trouser roasts, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help
279 - Die Hard
“The sexiest thing a man can wear is a properly fitting apology.”This week’s most romantic movie is… Die Hard. This film has everything: The world’s scariest airport, Graceful high kicks, And a man standing in front of his wife asking her to duck already. If you love film-school flexes, Krampus-level holiday pettiness, and Karate Kid chaos in a skyscraper, this episode’s for you!Please Su
278 - A Merry Little Ex-Mas
“ We’re Americans and consumerism is our God. ”This week’s most romantic movie is… A Merry Little Ex-Mas. This film has everything: Ungrateful little shits, A tearaway tux posing as heroic formalwear, And the longest commercial for energy efficient appliances...ever. If you love sultry Saint Nick vibes, Simpsons snowplow callbacks, and stripper-puppeteer chaos, this episode’s for you!Plea
277 - Our Little Secret
“This movie was written by child GPT.”This week’s hottest movie is… Our Little Secret. This film has everything: Idiots building business plans, A long lost MacFarlane brother, And a Praise and Worship band that actually slaps. If you love alien screenwriting seminars, phantom cookie exchanges, and time-traveling church-lady couture, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Rev
276 - Penelope
“The swine intervention.”This week’s hottest movie is… Penelope. This film has everything: intimate corkscrew logistics, Bacon ads at the worst time, And nailing the premise of Love is Blind a full 15 years before the Lachey's decided to ruin peoples lives with it. If you love fairytale chaos, snack-based outrage, and messy modern romance, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, an
275 - The Wrong Paris
“Oh, look, it’s the trash-ass apple again.”This week’s hottest movie is... The Wrong Paris. This film has everything: sexy shirtless land barons, a “Nashville” accent that’s as Nashville as Shania Twain, and proposals that sparkle with diamonds and, yes, actual gold bars. If you love city synonyms servicing skullduggery, a shirtless man "Washing" a horse, and a country girl realizing she
274 - The Shape of Water
“My brain just went ribbit.”This week’s hottest movie is... The Shape of Water. This film has everything: terrible pick up lines. a secret hatch to untold pleasures. And a women who loves getting wet. If you love movies with cursed flirting, forbidden hardware, and unapologetically aquatic thirst, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more peo
273 - Bedazzled
“Ma’am, you are not the devil, but you may be the devil’s daughter.”This film has everything: a self-help guide for escaping incellery. religious recommendations from a stranger no one likes. And a cautionary tale about why you should avoid the super-hot stranger who’s a little too into you. If you love late nights with the devil and Brendan Fraser pining over his soulmates doppelgänger,
272 - Crimson Peak
“He’s the worst ophthalmologist ever, he never saw any of this coming.”This week’s hottest movie is... Crimson Peak.This film has everything: a six foot baguette sadly loafing around, terrible real estate choices, And a mother doesn't love her daughter enough to properly warn her. If you love sad bread energy, cursed property vibes, and siblings that can't want to get one in, this episode
271 - Teen Witch
“If he had brought a pig under his arm—it’s Hamlet.”This week’s hottest movie is... Teen Witch. This film has everything: a bow-tyrant teaching civics, An agent of chaos that thinks he's in a different movie, And a hallway rap squad you wish would just lose themselves, and give you a moment with mom's spaghetti. If you love terrible teachers, gremlin energy, and haunted hallways, this epi
270 - A Walk to Remember
“I hereby sentence you to theater.”This week’s hottest movie is... A Walk to Remember (With Guest Chris Demarais! From good Morning from Hell and Tales from the Stinky Dragon). This film has everything: court-ordered community service. a cardigan-based invisibility cloak. The town that is badly in need of Erin Brockovich. If you love gentle bad boys, Christian smugness, and the kind of co
269 - High School Musical
“For kids not allowed to watch Game of Thrones but craving incest-adjacent pop culture.”This week’s hottest movie is... High School Musical. This film has everything: a faux-flamenco fever dream, A locker-room intervention , and a Phantom of Albuquerque stalking local MILFs. If you love high school melodrama, motivational locker talks, and people that don't understand object permanence, t
268 - Mean Girls
“The brown barrel is loaded, Paige.”This week’s hottest movie is... Mean Girls. This film has everything: a talent-show plea of “don’t look at me” that stuns, a pastry-dynasty slapdown, and a casual confession that is utterly pitch-black. If you love stage-fright spirals, mean-girl pastry wars, and hush-tone bombshells, this episode’s truly for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Roman
267 - Not Another Teen Movie
"He both did and didn’t have sex with his mom and sister.”This week’s hottest movie is… Not Another Teen Movie. This film has everything: a jock with an alarmingly “supportive” sister, A TED talk on how to give a proper 'Slow Clap', and an entrance so dramatic the whole school freezes until Amanda Becker moves. If you love parody deep-cuts, chaotic prom energy, and Captain America before
266 - Pretty in Pink
“Ducky, you’re a great friend. I’ll see you after the first divorce.”This week’s hottest movie is... Pretty in Pink. This film has everything: Duckie serving glam-goth like he’s the spare heir in a vampire dynasty, more blazers and perms than you’d ever expect to see on literally everyone, and a prom dress so underwhelming you’ll never be able to brush your teeth without thinking about it
265 - Your Monster
“It's a little bit like if Sulley from Monsters, Inc. was sexy.”This week’s hottest movie is… Your Monster. This movie has everything: a wellness look that screams “post-punk spa day.” An ex so bad he’s begging to be put in a bear suit. and an open bowl of Covid-flavored beans. If you love monster-meets-messy romance, petty ex-revenge, and chaotic health-hazard snack discourse, this episo
264 - Beastly
“Not since Hook has more intention been placed into someone’s eyebrows.”This week’s hottest movie is… Beastly. This film has everything: a hexed hall monitor in winged eyeliner, a drug-deal gone wrong turned Shakespearean IOU, and stump speeches for the Green Committee so honest it will break your heart. If you love cursed meet-cutes, campaign-level pettiness, and a script written like a
263 - The Beautician and the Beast
"Maybe mayonnaise can save democracy."This week’s thirstiest movie is... Beautician and the Beast. This film has everything: a bigger, moodier version of Massimo, but with his own country; the literal nanny turning into a union organizer; and a dictator’s entire political ideology crumbling under the seductive, life-changing power of a mayonnaise-heavy sandwich. If you love fascist makeov
262 - Beauty and the Beast
“He only knows doggy style, Paige.”This week’s hottest movie is... Beauty and the Beast. This film has everything: A cursed himbo with fangs, A toddler named after his visible head trauma. The full BEAST System™: bombardment via dinner theater, aggressive emotional bonding, a shift to “respectable boyfriend mode,” a library bribe, and a farewell gift that’s basically romantic spyware with
261 - Armageddon
“It takes three minutes to become an astronaut, according to this movie.”This week’s hottest space mess is... Armageddon. This film has everything: Instant Astronauts, Thirst traps for middle America, A rogue Glock bouncing around in a spaceship. If you love seatbelt montages, flag-based character development, and gun safety violations in orbit, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, R
260 - The Mask of Zorro
“Are we just going to ignore the fact that Antonio Banderas drinks his brother’s head juice?”This week’s hottest movie is The Mask of Zorro. This film has everything: a horny duel, a lusty confessional booth admission, and a vigilante live-action Puss in Boots. If you love pickled domes, teacup waltzing, and historical accuracy that’s legally inadmissible, this episode’s for you!Please Su
259 - Jewel of the Nile
“General Racism was Omar’s right-hand guy.”This week’s hottest movie is… Jewel of the Nile. This film has everything: juggling Sufis, a slow-speed plane chase, and a boat with no driver, towing nothing but red flags. If you wish David Lean had cast Michael Douglas in Lawrence of Arabia, this episode’s for you.Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod to help more people discove
258 - Fool's Gold
“There’s no dick that good in the world.”This week’s thirstiest mess of a movie is... Fool’s Gold. This film has everything: a maybe-teen yacht goblin, a grown man earnestly saying “boat swain,” and Kevin Hart playing a rum-soaked rapper-slash-loan-shark-slash-island oligarch. If you love sketchy ages, mispronounced nautical ranks, and shootouts that defy physics and employment law, this
257 - Runaway Bride
Two villains, both alike in evil.This week’s thirstiest movie is Runaway Bride. This film has everything: performative egg eating, a third-act Homer Eisenhower reveal, and a print news column that’s basically if Andrew Tate knew how to read and immediately started doxxing hot women for USA Today. If you love petty shade, chaotic horse escapes, and two villains finding love, this episode’s
256 - D.E.B.S.
Where are the guns coming from?This week’s campiest queer romcom spy fantasy is... DEBS.This film has everything: secret agents in ceiling swings, a sapphic supervillain, and tech so confusing Todd thought it was legit teleportation. If you love standardized-test-based spy recruitment and falling in love with the woman who just tried to murder all your friends... this episode’s for you!Pl
255 - The Wedding Banquet
“Did I fall asleep for a second?” This week’s hottest movie is... The Wedding Banquet. This film has everything: Avant-garde quilt energy. Sexy paperwork. And a surprise pregnancy caused by Bowen's THAAAAAAAAANG.If you love drag dragons, Civil War diary entries, and marriage proposals that would make ICE furious, this episode’s for you!Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review Romancing the Pod
254 - My Own Private Idaho
“He’s on a 1% Rumspringa.”This week’s hottest movie is... My Own Private Idaho. This film has everything: Narcoleptic street naps. A Shakespearean crime daddy and his Red Hot Chili hype goblin. And the most emotionally devastating campfire scene since The Parent Trap. If you love cult leader Paige, Dutch Boy roleplay, and bisexual tragedy on a wheatfield highway, this episode’s for you.Pl
253 - Bound
“Jennifer Tilly is playing F Chess.”This week’s slickest lesbian noir is... Bound. This film has everything: a mob nepo baby who looks like he got kicked out of Boyz II Men, a literal money-laundering montage complete with ironing, and a full-on power move where Gina Gershon goes knuckles deep... then shakes the husband’s hand. If you love vibey noir lighting, criminal scissoring, and dom
252 - Color of Night
"She looks like one of the people from Planet of the Apes. And by people, I mean apes."This week’s most unhinged movie is… Color of Night. This film has everything: a possessed Casio keyboard soundtrack, a man narrating his own life out loud like a noir detective who’s never heard of internal monologue, and a surprise Bruce Willis full-frontal that gives the only believable performance in
251 - Love Lies Bleeding
“She just threw up a Kristen Stewart.”This week’s thirstiest movie is Love Lies Bleeding. This film has everything: A gym manager elbow-deep in body horror plumbing. Ed Harris’s forehead winning the Picard for best hairline. An underground love story so jacked on roids and vibes it’s basically She-Hulk by way of A24. If you love magical realism, anabolic steroids, and bodybuilder thirst w
250 - Fatal Attraction
“Welcome back to posthumous pregnancy court, where we decide if this dead lady was actually pregnant or not.”This week’s thirstiest thriller is... Fatal Attraction. This film has everything: A 100-minute rage mixtape that makes “Side B” a hostage situation, a man with the kind of dick that makes you skip the hospital and reach for the knife drawer, and Glenn Close dressed like she’s about
249 - Unfaithful
"Diane Lane gave it all up for a dude who would go down on her."This week’s thirstiest trainwreck is… Unfaithful. This film has everything: a murder snow globe, Diane Lane furiously scrubbing her nethers with literal train water, and a full Beauty and the Beast crossover you’ll never see coming. If you love messy affairs, murder husbands, and sex scenes that somehow involve a public restr
248 - Babygirl
"How dare she do that to Puss in Boots?"This week’s most confused kink movie is... Babygirl. This film has everything: a possibly unhinged needle drop, a disappearing cult subplot, and a main character trying to explore vulnerability while also spearheading the automation apocalypse. If you love messy power dynamics, baffling sex scenes, and standing in the corner like a good girl, this
247 - Spy
"Could you do a dick lineup?"This week’s thirstiest movie is... Spy. This film has everything. An Olympian level hip dick. A CIA agent demanding access to Schrödinger’s Face/Off machine. And the answer to "What’s the only acceptable catcall in Italy?" If you love unhinged spycraft, extremely subtle romance, and Jason Statham literally falling upward, this episode’s for you!Please Subscrib
246 - The Spy Who Dumped Me
"You gotta go get it with your tongue, please.”This week’s hottest movie is... The Spy Who Dumped Me. This film has everything: A rogue microchip hidden in a very personal location, Spy skills honed through Duck Hunt, and a missed opportunity Todd just couldn't not mention. If you love chaotic horniness, spy movies written by people who’ve never met a spy, and Mila Kunis falling for the
245 - Date Night
“This is Mr. & Mrs. Smith if they had a baby right after college.”This week’s hottest movie is... Date Night. This film has everything: A chicken nugget mysteriously covered in black ink. A Tripplehorn reference that amazingly isn't about a Ska Band. That moment when someone turns the gun sideways and you know—that’s the kill shot. If you love mid-marriage chaos, Tina Fey’s feral judg
244 - Lockout
“They become shooting star-crossed lovers. It’s Shakespearean, Paige.”This week’s hottest movie is... Lockout. This film has everything, A briefcase full of absolutely nothing, A plot so chaotic they didn’t even credit cocaine with a story credit, And The Rock… but like, in space, with none of the emotional depth and all of the Guy Pearce. If you love milky-eyed villains, fake Shakespeare
243 - S1m0ne
"This movie is the Emperor's New Clothes… but from the Emperor’s perspective."This week’s hottest movie is... S1m0ne. This film has everything: A man with an eye tumor from sitting too close to a computer, a studio exec who hears "never pay actors again" and says "perfect," and a pair of parasocial paparazzi Rosencrantz and Guildensterns who are horny for a woman who doesn’t exist. If you
242 - Always (With Eli Bosnick)
"Holly Hunter convincingly portrays someone who wants to fuck a man six feet shorter than her"This week’s weirdest romance movie is... Always (With Special Guest Eli Bosnick). This film has everything... A ghost who spends his afterlife trying to cockblock his ex, John Goodman single-handedly carrying the emotional weight of the movie, Richard Dreyfuss refusing to let death stop him from
241 - Why Did I Get Married Too?
"Angela does a drive-by on her own bedroom."This week’s wildest movie is Why Did I Get Married Too? This film has everything: K-9-level detective work from a man who can smell infidelity, a trauma wheel that only Tyler Perry would dare spin, and a woman who looked at divorce court and said, “Nah, I’ll just commit vehicular manslaughter.”If you love chaos, questionable legal decisions, and
240 - I Can Do Bad All by Myself
"They know how to use a Blige." This weeks Hottest movie is.... I Can Do Bad All By Myself. This movie has everything. A man with an unsettling attachment to a VCR, A Madea and Dadea that may or may not be married, and Plot logic that only exists because it needs to. If you enjoy Tyler Perry morality plays that make you wonder about the meaning of the word pew, you'll love this movie.Plea
239 - Obsessed
"Does this woman have unlimited trench coats?!?"This week's hottest movie is... Obsessed. This movie has everything: An ambitious woman with a foolproof dating system. A deranged temp who will stop at nothing to get ‘Elba Deep’. And Beyoncé, who at first ignores the red flags, but eventually channels her inner Lemonade rage, screaming ‘I’ve been through this too long, but I’ll be damned i
238 - Girls Trip
"Jada Stinkett Piss"This week, the gang packs their bags, grabs a grapefruit (or two), and heads to Essence Fest as we cover Girls Trip! This movie has everything: Tiffany Haddish being an unhinged menace, Queen Latifah making questionable career choices, Regina Hall absolutely not having it all, and Jada Pinkett Smith living that "mom friend" life—until she isn't. Join us as we celebrate
237 - Save The Last Dance
"Her Juilliard auditions have a higher kill count than most Horror Virgin movies."This week’s hottest movie is Save the Last Dance—the film that made us all think we could master hip-hop in a single montage. This movie has everything: Julia Stiles looking vaguely uncomfortable while dancing, Sean Patrick Thomas being effortlessly smooth, Kerry Washington in full Big Sister Mode, and a rom
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