Don’t Scare the Newbies!
S and kirizal, a couple in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange relationship, chat about kink, sex, relationships, and communication. They aim to demystify kink and make it approachable for newcomers. The podcast won Best Media at the Alternative Awards 2026. Additional content is available on kirizal's blog and Patreon.
Episodes
Thank You, Jeff, Fifty-Two Seconds: Writing God's Mercy
In case you hadn't heard them yapping about it already, kirizal wrote a book. Actually, two books. 274k words in about six weeks, and as they settle into a well earned break from writing, W/we thought W/we should tell you all about it! On this episode, kirizal and S talk about the writing process, what goes into indie publishing, what kirizal loves about the pitch black genre, and how an outline f
They'll Hear You Screaming in Warsaw: 365 Days
Mx requested something that wasn't arty and pretentious for O/our next episode, and kirizal delivered. This week, W/we're talking about 365 Days. Is a movie with only one scene of light bondage really a kinky movie? In this movie, most of the kink is non-diagetic so W/we're talking female gaze, book boyfriends, and lots of delicious tropes. Plus - why does sadness, angst, and tragedy often pop up
It's Not your Mouth That's Salivating: Orgasm Control and Denial
After your first long, hard, two week wait for new DSTN!, W/we’re talking orgasm control and denial! kirizal and S chat about what orgasm control does for O/our dynamic, why it’s fun (and awful), and some important safety talk. Plus - O/our previous masturbation habits, and a morbid lil diversion to talk about death (cheery!)Content Note: Discussion of death and bereavementFollow kirizal’s blog an
Happy Birthday to U/us: One Year of DSTN!
In an extra lengthy, rambly special, kirizal and S reflect on one year of hosting an award winning podcast. From how Don't Scare the Newbies! started and S's anxious dog reaction to the early analytics, to O/our favourite episodes and some lowlights (audio issues, UGH!). W/we chat about how much W/we appreciate O/our lovely audience, and then dive into a Q&A with questions you sent in!This epi
Making an Impact: Impact Play
This week, kirizal and S finally get around to talking about one of O/our most essential kinks - impact play! W/we chat about why S finds hitting people with stuff fun, how different types of impact feel to kirizal, and lots of all important safety stuff. Plus - sadists hitting themselves in the penis, how a toy became known as the kirizal breaker, and the five levels of kinky kit shopping.Thank y
Enrichment in O/our Enclosure: Control in Power Exchange
Usually if kirizal asks S why They like something, the answer is “power and control”, so this week W/we dive into that favourite “conceptual kink”. What is control, and how is it distinct from power? W/we chat about what consensual control brings to O/our relationship, and the process of negotiating and developing rules and discipline and how this becomes conditioning over time. Plus - why kirizal
In O/our Slut Eras: Hookups and Apps
This week, kirizal and S go back to the beginning and talking about swiping right (or is it left? W/we get confused) on each other on Tinder back in 2021 and then again on OkCupid in 2023. But, this isn't just about O/our success story - this week W/we're talking dating apps and hookup culture, from kirizal's explanation for why Grindr is like Uber Eats, to romanticising the era when online groome
No Bigger Spatula Than The Bible: The Witch Trial Interrogation
In which the good Christian woman, Chastity, is horribly tortured by the cruel and unreasonable witch finder Jeffiniah. Well, maybe she's a good Christian woman. Maybe she's a witch.Yes, it's finally time for O/our second interrogation episode. Last month, kirizal and S did another interrogation scene, and this was a big one. With a booing crowd, multiple locations, costumes, roleplay, and whole n
Build This Universe With You: Roleplay and Gamification with Sunshine and Honeypot
This week, Sunshine and Honeypot introduce kirizal and S to the world of S.L.U.T - the international sexpionage organisation dedicated to saving the world from boring sex. Sunshine and Honeypot have a unique dynamic built around roleplay, mindblowingly in-depth world building, and weekly puzzles that fuel both intimacy and creativity. In this episode we chat about roleplay - from overcoming (or em
Darker Than Dark: Pitch Black Romance with Ellie Sanders
Dark romance and pitch black romance author Ellie Sanders joins kirizal and S this week to talk about these often stigmatised genres, her writing, and lots more! Ellie tells U/us about navigating social media reactions, censorship in the self-publishing world, and her experience of her first book ban. We dive into what it is that writers and readers get out of these books, and the crossover with t
Desire Without Empathy: The Piano Teacher
It's time for another kinky movie night, and for the second time in a row kirizal suggested something slow paced and arty that S isn't all the way sold on! This time it's The Piano Teacher, talking about how sadism and masochism are explored in a way that is separate from negotiated and consensual kink, an interesting twist on corruption themes, and how this movie invites the viewer to experience
A Masked Assailant With a Store-Bought Penis: Planning for Public Play
What goes into planning for a public play event? In this episode, kirizal and S talk about the considerations for planning a public scene - fetiquette, rules, equipment, time, and the role of the audience - love the attention or terrified of it, they’re there! Then, W/we get into some actual planning - see how W/we plan four days worth of scenes for an upcoming event, including the much anticipate
The Full Bloody Experience: Period Sex
This week, kirizal and S are talking periods. While period sex doesn't necessarily have to be a kink, it can be - and W/we talk about what this does for U/us. S shares why They took a while to get on board with getting bloody, W/we talk about the impact of misogyny on how periods and period sex are seen, and the emotionally masochistic intersection of dysphoria and pleasure for kirizal. Plus - per
Leather and Laces: Leather Community and Bootblacking with Duncan and Tea
This week’s guests are Duncan, one of the founders of Newcastle Leathermen, and Tea, a bootblack and Newcastle Leathermen’s first nonbinary member. Plus Tea’s partner popping in with an occasional comment! O/our guests share the power of community, culture differences between Leather communities and the Fetlife-based kink scene, visibility and how Newcastle Leathermen navigate venues and social me
Are W/we Actually Quite Gay: Sexual Orientation
This week, kirizal and S are chatting about sexual orientation - from O/our coming out stories (one at 14, and one at 41!), kirizal’s multiple coming outs and the pan vs bi distinction, T4T dating, and whether O/our kink identities are a part of sexual orientation for U/us. Plus - outsourcing the terrifying task of talking to women, hot takes from S and the usual soapbox moments from kirizal.Conte
Giving Up The Trappings of Adulthood: ABDL & Ageplay with Jenby Doll & Tealeaves
Adult babies Jen and Tealeaves sat down with kirizal and S this week to share their experiences - through all the noise of stigma and misconceptions, they share the authenticity and joy of little space, kink as a core part of identity, the intimacy of vulnerability, and lots more. Plus - censorship and recent legal challenges, a fascinating diversion into inducing lactation, and Jen's plans to mak
Can W/we Be Your Weird Cousins: Kink At Pride
It's Pride Month, so in the first of O/our queer focused episodes kirizal and S jump straight in with the annual discourse topic, does kink belong at Pride? W/we also chat about O/our first Prides, the commercialisation and coorporate involvement in Pride season, bystander consent, children and families at Pride, purity culture and the very British fear of acknowleding sex, and lots more! kirizal
Just me And The Cat: Addiction, Recovery, & A Little Bit Of Kink
After the S-heavy long distance episode, W/we thought it was kirizal's turn to have the spotlight and dive into one of their specialist topics - addiction and recovery. kirizal spent most of their 20s battling mental health issues which spiralled into drug dependency and a crisis that almost cost them their life. In this episode W/we talk about that journey through into recovery, unmasking the dar
Getting Very Very Sleepy: Hypnosis with Lana and Edward
Lana and Edward join kirizal and S to give U/us an introduction into the wild world of erotic hypnosis. Navigating censorship to find resources, what appeals about the closest thing to magic and mind control that people can tap into, favourite experiences and riskiest mistakes, managing risk, and an overview of how it works. This episode may have unlocked a new kink for U/us - and offers a fascina
Just Hit me With Your Car: Crash (1996)
Once again kirizal and S are watching a movie, and James Spader is playing a pervert (with hair)! This week W/we're discussing the 1996 movie Crash - but if you haven't seen it, come on in, the plot is light and the episode gets deep! W/we're here for the controversy and censorship that surrounded Crash on release, the intersection between sex, technology, and urban isolation, and asking the quest
Thicker Than Water: Playing with Blood
This week, kirizal and S get into all the gory details of blood play. From the visual appeal to the perceived - if not always actual - intensity, W/we chat about what it does for U/us and the unique sensations. W/we share some memorable scenes - including the first time W/we met and the first time W/we had sex, plus chat toys and techniques, the details of planning a scene, and the all important s
The Kink Dynasty: Life as a BDSM Model & Author With Ariel Anderssen
BDSM model and author Ariel Anderssen (who is also kirizal's sister!) - joins U/us on the podcast this week. She shares her story of overcoming shame from a Jehovah's Witness upbringing and healing from abuse, discovering kink in the time before Fetlife, and stories from her long and impressive career. Plus - feminism and kink, kink community outside the munch and play event scene, and the impact
The Written Soundtrack: Long Distance Relationships
This week, S takes the lead with Their first time writing the episode outline (exciting!) as W/we tackle the topic of long distance relationships. While kirizal has never dated further than a couple of counties over, S spent three years in a relationship at a distance of 4000 miles. Covering the joy and creativity of long distance love, the challenges of supporting a partner when you can’t just po
I’ve Had Another Idea: Running Kinky Businesses with Lydia, Founder of Kilter
This week, Lydia - founder of luxury bondage brand Kilter - joins kirizal and S to put the Business Development, Sales, and Marketing into BDSM. W/we chat about the challenges of promoting adult businesses on social media, the realities of starting a BDSM brand, her dad’s enthusiasm for her business, and life as a kinky lesbian.Find more of Lydia at: https://bykilter.com/https://www.subtlebond.com
The Jalapenos on the Nachos: Degradation and Humiliation
In this episode, Mx and kirizal dig into shame, objectification, worthlessness, and all the messy emotions of degradation and humiliation. How these kinks can enhance O/our play, why they turn U/us on, and a deep dive into trauma play, body shaming, verbal degradation and humiliation, and "the umbrella of gross kinks". Plus - kirizal's journey into emotional masochism, negotiation and aftercare sk
The Filthy Nature of Money: Financial Domination
Enthusiastic findom newbies kirizal and S dive into the controversial subject of playing with money. W/we chat about the politics of playing with the power of capitalism, the taboo of talking about money in relationships, and why financial domination carries so much stigma and shame. Plus - ethics and safety, the symbolism and meaning behind giving and receiving money, and how findom works for U/u
Big Enough To Hurt, Small Enough To Fit: Does Size Matter?
This week, W/we’re bigger than ever - talking big dicks, big toys, and fisting. kirizal dives into what’s going on with their size kink, while S is in it for the objectification and mad science. W/we tackle the age old question of does size matter, chat porn dick and dick pics, and discuss the appeal of non-standard sex toys. Plus - safety, stretching tips, and kirizal forces S to accept complimen
Embrace the Silly: WAM and Looner Kinks with Bunny and L
This week, Bunny and L join kirizal and S for a chat about the sillier and more lighthearted side of kink - WAM (wet and messy) and looner (balloon) kinks! Bunny is an adult content creator and takes U/us through their adventures of discovering new desires through performance, experiences of running specialist kink events, and what the draw is of these desires. L - one of their partners - shares t
Authentically Deviant: Secretary
Time for another kinky movie, and this time it’s Secretary. kirizal and S talk about relatability in awkwardness, agency in submission, and the joy in seeing kink on screen represented as genuinely perverse and unpolished. Plus - masochism and self harm, neurodivergence in kink, and W/we find out if kirizal can read out a movie quote without crying.Content Note: Spoilers for Secretary throughout,
Poking Fun: Sharps Play with Mark
On this episode, Mark joins kirizal and S to talk about sharps play - needles, blades and scalpels. W/we chat about finding the resources to learn these types of skills, vetting and negotiating for play, the appeal of blood and scars, and managing risk. Plus lots more!Content Note: Detailed discussion of sharps play including blood and scarring, brief mention of self harm. Conversations around deg
“It’s My World, you’re Just Living In It”: Dominance and Submission
This week W/we’re getting back to basics with a closer look at the classics - dominance and submission. What separates power play from other areas of kink? How can power be expressed, where does it come from and what different flavours can it have? kirizal and S talk about negotiation for power exchange, different approaches to rules and authority styles, the role of discipline, and lots more! Wit
Panopticon Perverts: Surveillance in Kink
Location tracking, surveillance cameras, and an open door policy - as often happens, kirizal’s dream life sounds like many people’s worst nightmare. On this episode, S and kirizal chat about the ways that W/we erode privacy and dignity in a fun, consensual way. Also - the age old debate about the construction of a proper cream tea, kirizal’s many open tabs, and pooping with the door open.Follow ki
Have Your Cake and Eat It: Polyamory with Tom and Kay (Insert Here Kink)
Tom and Kay - hosts of Insert Here - join kirizal and S to chat about polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and all the excitement and challenges that comes with navigating alternative relationship styles. Plus - exhibitionism, kinky podcaster life, and lots more! Listen to Insert Here anywhere you find podcasts, and check out their website here: insertherekink.comFollow kirizal’s blog and find all the
Not a Gardening Podcast: Let's Talk About Nettle Play
Who would wanna get stung by nettles on purpose? Probably surprising to no one that the answer is kirizal, with S more than happy to deliver. So as W/we look forward to nettle season just around the corner, kirizal and S break down the process and techniques involved in nettle play, just a touch of science, and lots of footling about. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal
Get the Spray Bottle: Petplay and More with Hope and Ash
On this episode, Hope's back with her flatmate Ash joining her to talk about their exploration in kink - we chat petplay, primal, and embracing the animal within, kink on a budget, switching, gender identity, and kink outside of a defined relationship or power dynamic, plus lots more!There was a major audio issue with this recording, which Ash and Hope worked for weeks to repair for U/us (much app
The Tradwife of Uncanny Valley: Gender Roles and Identity in Kink
In this episode W/we answer popular Tiktok search “is kirizal a boy or a girl”, S and kirizal compare gender “journeys”, and chat about how gender identity, roles, oppression, and expression influence kink. Plus - how inclusive is the kink community? Is kink better when it’s self aware and subversive? And is it a feminist act to be horny?Content Note: Discussion of misogyny and transphobiaFollow k
Head Empty, No Thoughts: Bimbofication and Appearance Control
Through S’s repeated disclaimers that appearance control is NOT about making kirizal hotter, W/we talk about the undeniable glow up that happened in 2025. Why is appearance control so fun? Is being a bimbo really about being any less smart? And how does hyper-femininity feel for a nonbinary person? Plus - kirizal slips into bimbo headspace mid-recording, and S continues to lose the battle to stop
Signing the Psychological Pre-Nup: D/s Breakups with Hope
kirizal’s ex, Hope (previously known as Alexea), joins U/us this episode to talk about navigating breakups in power exchange relationships. How do people disentangle their lives when they have created such an interdependent structure? How do submissives decondition from rules that have become reflex? And how can kinky couples exit plan for a softer landing while still riding the optimism of the ho
Neon Lights in the Dark: 2025 Recapped
In this episode, kirizal and S answer listener questions and recap 2025. Laughs, tears, healing and perversions, this episode has it all as W/we round up a busy, exciting, and very kinky year. Content Note: Although nothing particularly explicit, this episode does include mentions of play involving simulated sexual assault and domestic violence
Between the Cheese and the Cilice: Spirituality, Kink, and Christmas
It wouldn’t be Christmas without some light trauma dumping, a discussion about the link between religious shame and CNC, and some historical genital mutilation. It’s O/our festive episode, so kirizal and S talk faith and spirituality, O/our childhood Christmas traditions and the new ones W/we are making together, kink as a spiritual experience, how worship and ritual fit into O/our dynamic, and th
An Aptitude For Devotion, But Not For Representation: Pillion
W/we interrupt O/our schedule to discuss Pillion - negative messaging about 24/7 dynamics sour the taste of kirizal and S’s cinema date night, service, emotional masochism and letting kink be delightfully weird bring some authenticity to the mix, and some questionable marketing miss-sells U/us a “raunchy rom-com” that’s definitely not Do movies have a responsibility in how they represent communit
Smells Like Bacon: Burns and Branding
What do kirizal and S like about burns, branding and cigarette torture? Well, for one thing, it’s hot! W/we chat all about burning, from kirizal’s slightly reckless early experimentation, to S’s introduction to this sizzlingly spicy kind of play. Plus - solo masochism vs self harm, what is the difference between a kink and a fetish, anti-smoking PSAs gone wrong and what happens if W/we ever give u
No Ifs, Plenty of Butts: All About Anal
Is anal sex kinky? Whatever you think - it’s kinky enough for U/us! kirizal and S talk about O/our experiences - why the girls, gays, and theys do butt stuff better, S’s quest for Their own cum button, the appeal of painal, and the blessing (or curse) of having an absolutely enormous penis. Lots of giggles, some helpful tips, and the important debate of douching vs spontaneity. Content Note: Inevi
Real Doms Play Sad Piano: Fifty Shades of Grey
kirizal botches the intro for a solid minute, S and kirizal are forced into time travel due to a rogue washing machine, and through the chaos W/we share O/our thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey - terrible kink representation, a crucial moment in mainstream acceptance, pure cringe, or all of the above?Content note: Some discussion of poor consent practices and fantasies about abuse and non-conWanna h
Making myself Useful: Domestic Service
How did kirizal go from a kitchen that was semi-permanently on fire, to home cooking from scratch every day? Why is S scared They’ll forget how a washing machine works? And do W/we get super horny about washing up? In this episode, W/we talk about the reality of domestic service in O/our dynamic - what needs it meets for U/us, how O/our roles support each other, and what a day in the life of a ver
A Really Intense Trust Fall: Sadism and Masochism
What is sadism and masochism, how are they different from dominance and submission, and what does anyone get out of playing with pain? kirizal and S dive into the intersection of pain and pleasure and how these roles fit into O/our way of doing kinkContent Note: Some discussion of burns, vomit, and body image/shamingWanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December:
You’ve Gotta Be Choking: All About Breathplay
Breathplay is one of the most popular kinks, and also one of the most potentially deadly. kirizal and S talk about O/our approach to breathplay, changing risk profiles over time, and the alarming popularity of choking.Content Note: This episode discusses torture, drowning, and death, although none in graphic detail. It also includes (obviously) in depth discussion about high risk kinks, and is not
Be the Banana: The Power of Nudity with Nat of The North East Life Art Project
Nat of The North East Life Art Project joins kirizal and S as O/our first guest. Talking life modelling, body image, objectification, power exchange, sexuality vs sensuality, and so much more! Will S take Their clothes off for money, what has kirizal been doing on the wines at the business meetings, and how is Nat like a banana? Plus an exciting announcement - Don’t Scare the Newbies! is taking ya
Just Because They Can: BDSM Contracts & Rules Part Two
In the last episode, kirizal and S talked contracts - and the development of the fixed foundation of O/our power exchange. Now it’s onto the living document of O/our rules - covering protocol, limits, punishment, and the fine details of a life built together to bring kink out from the dungeon and into the ordinary and the every day. Part two of O/our two-parter on the filthy, nerdy structure of O/
At Their Absolute Discretion: BDSM Contracts & Rules Part One
Contracts, rules, formal reviews and paperwork - hot, right? The formal structure of power exchange relationships can often sound like boring admin from the outside, but for two self confessed sex nerds, writing a contract together was like months of foreplay. In this episode, S and kirizal talk about the journey to O/our first contract of Total Power Exchange and talk through everything that goes
Controlled Violations: Consensual Non-Consent and Modifying Consent for Kink
One of O/our favourite - and often very misunderstood and oversimplified kinks - is CNC: consensual non-consent. Exploring violation, control, violence, and surrender in both play and O/our dynamic is something that draws U/us both - but how do you keep focus on the “first C” when playing in the darkest parts of your mind? Is it safe? Is it ethical? And is it really just about “forced” fantasies o
31 Days of Kink: Beating a Play Slump
W/we sit down to share tips on overcoming a play slump, finding ways to create time and space for all kinds of intimacy when life gets in the way. In July 2025 W/we set a challenge to do something kinky every day for 31 days and almost succeeded - including the most intense and brutal beating kirizal has ever taken and a life changing camping trip, so in this episode W/we recap some highlights fro
i Can Do This All Day: O/our First Interrogation
Recorded two days after the most brutal, intense, and transformative scene W/we have ever done, kirizal and S abandon O/our regularly scheduled content to relive the three hour interrogation scene that was more than two months in the making. Talking about the practical elements, negotiation, emotional impact, and kirizal’s top tips to endure torture.The blog post referenced in this episode is ‘Not
Unhinged Pussy Witchcraft: All About Sex
Not all kink involves sex, and not all sex involves kink, but the crossover between the two is a lot of fun! W/we talk sexual communication, overcoming sexual function challenges, and kirizal demands answers to where S learned Their skills in unhinged pussy witchcraftContent Note: This episode includes discussion of blood play, vomit, and fantasies about sexual assault
Communication is Key: Communication in D/s Relationships
As you might expect from a couple with a kink podcast, talking about kink is one of O/our favourite things to do! But communication in power exchange relationships is about more than that - in this episode W/we talk about consent models, negotiation, risk management, and the importance of regular check ins - with some clips from one of O/our monthly dynamic review sessions to show how it works!Con
Sex Perverts Club: Getting Started in Kink
The world of kink sounds intimidating and complicated, so how does anyone get started? kirizal and S talk about O/our starting points, and how (and why) W/we found O/our way into the kink community after exploring alone. Risk, adventure, and connection - let’s talk about everything involved in getting into kink.
Opening the Box: Meet the Hosts
Get to know kirizal and S - O/our earliest kink experiences, kirizal’s chronic over-sharing vs S’s more reserved and private nature, and how on earth that combination led to a podcast about O/our most intimate momentsContent Note: This episode includes brief discussion of addiction, and consensual non-consent play involving simulated sexual assault
Episode One Preview Clip
A little snippet of what’s to come!
