Love Inside Out with Adele Testa
Love Inside Out with Adele Testa is a podcast that challenges the way we think about love and whether those thoughts actually prevent us from experiencing it. Aimed at people who are happily partnered, struggling to connect, or in between, the show explores why relationships can feel like performance rather than genuine connection. Topics include compromise that makes us play small, why relationships felt easier in our twenties, and how to stop performing in love. Host Adele Testa, a coach and curious human, invites listeners to join her in discovering more authentic ways to love.
Episodes
Heart Note 13: what a solo trip could reveal about your life
Solo trip is a great opportunity for learning more about your relationship, your life and most importantly yourself. What to expect? What's unwarranted? Everything in this episode.
Heart Note 12: truth behind solo trip
We often imagine a solo trip as an escape: a few days away, a reset, some peace and quiet. But what happens when nobody around you knows you, needs anything from you, or expects you to be a certain version of yourself?In this final Heart Note of the summer, I explore what travelling alone can quietly reveal: your real preferences, the parts of yourself you perform for others, who you actually miss
Heart Note 11: Sudden break up in summer
The summer breakup almost never comes out of nowhere. It has a start date, usually months earlier, in a November nobody talked about.This Heart Note is about the gap between knowing a relationship is over and finding the words for it: - why the person leaving often turns suddenly, painfully polite;- why waiting can be compassion and avoidance at the same time; - and why summer, with the commute, t
Replay #10: Rage behind love
Ever had a reaction that felt completely out of proportion to what actually happened? A cancelled plan, a short message, one tiny comment and suddenly you're saying things you wish you could take back.In this episode, we’re getting underneath anger and rage: why the people closest to us can trigger the biggest reactions, what might be hiding underneath the explosion, and why trying to control
Heart Note 10: loneliness in August
How to tackle this complex month? The answer in this episode
Replay #9: 3 communication secrets
A short yet rich summary of communications gems to steal and apply straight away.Extract from episode 17.
Heart Note 9: the power of walk & talk in Love
Why your hardest conversations keep dying at the kitchen table and where they come back to lifeYou sat down to talk about it properly. Two chairs, phones down, "we need to talk." And it went nowhere. Then, days later, walking the long way home, the exact same conversation just… comes out.This week's Heart Note is about why. There's a Kyoto University study in here you'll want to test tonight, and
Replay #8: The secrets of strong couples
Nobody posts the argument in the car park. We only ever see the highlight reel and then wonder why our own love doesn't look like that.This week's Summer Replay pulls back the curtain on the so- called power couple. What's actually holding those decades-long relationships together isn't chemistry or grand gestures.It's something far less glamorous, and far more learnable.If you
Heart Note #8: Long distance relationship in summer
Winter is supposed to be the hard part of long distance. So why does summer quietly wreck people even more?The longer evenings, the barbecues, the parks full of couples, the photo where your person looks genuinely happy without you: none of it makes distance easier. It competes for the attention that used to be yours by default. And that tightening in your chest when their night looks perfect and
Replay #7: how expectations damage your relationship and dating experience
From episode 13, today we speak about the invisible contract: all the things you expect from love that you never actually said out loud. In this episode I cover the difference between assumptions, standards, and expectations, and why the silence around them is what really damages our relationships. I explore where these hidden rules come from: our families, our culture, the movies we grew up on, a
Heart Note #7: Visiting the in-laws and what to watch for
Holidays with the in-laws are the narrative of many TV comedies for a reason. We treat the family visit as something to survive and as a chance to assess who we've ended up with. But a family holiday is a mirror, and it gets held up to both of you.This week, I explore what a summer trip to the in-laws really reveals: why your partner regresses at their mother's kitchen table (and why it's loyalty,
Replay #6: How do compromise and gratitude overlap in love?
Have you ever talked yourself out of asking for something you needed, because it could be worse?At least he doesn't cheat. At least she's loyal. At least they come home every evening.We call it gratitude. Sometimes it is. And sometimes it's just the most socially acceptable way to stay quiet about something that actually matters to us.This episode is about the blurry line between the gratitude and
Heart Note #6: Whose summer are you actually trying to have?
You opened your phone to check one thing and there they were. The single friend "finally having her summer." The couple who make it all look effortless. And you, on a perfectly ordinary evening, somehow feeling behind on both.This week's Heart Note sits with that quiet ache: the two summers we're told to perform, and the shame of feeling like we're doing neither one right. One question to carry: w
Replay #5: self-love and romantic love
If you've ever quietly believed you need to become a fixed, better version of yourself before you're ready for real closeness, this episode is for you.We'll untangle self-love from the things it keeps getting mistaken for, like the spa day, or aspiring to be perfect. Then I'll hand you the tool I actually reach for on the days I've been unkind to myself: seven words, all starti
Heart Note#5:the picture I didn't take
It was my birthday week. Golden light, my hometown beach, my partner and my child beside me and when the phone came up, I found a reason to leave. Because that isn't the body I wanted back after the pregnancy, and I didn't want it standing there forever.I protected myself from the picture. And I lost the day.This Heart Note isn't a pep talk about loving your body. It's about the quiet trade so man
Replay #4: how to find your person
Are you single and wondering if love will ever find you? Or are you dating and unsure if this is the right person? This episode is for anyone navigating the messy, confusing world of relationships and choice.I explore three powerful ideas that can transform how you approach dating: Know yourself first by understanding your patterns and what you actually need (not just what sounds good on paper). O
Heart Note #4: Why everyone's on the dating apps in summer
It starts with a quiet Sunday evening. The sun is still up, everyone else seems to be out living their best summer, and suddenly you are downloading the dating app you swore you deleted for good.In this Summer Heart Note, we look at what that ache may really be: the wish to feel wanted, the need for someone to share a sunset with, the discomfort of arriving alone to another barbecue, or simply the
Replay #3: why fight lingers?
Most of us think the fight is the damage, but the real damage usually happens after, in the silence nobody teaches us how to handle.This week's Sunday Heart Note was about the careful quiet that shows up on holiday. So I'm bringing back one of my favourite episodes on a different silence entirely: the one that lands right after a row. 🤎In this extract of episode 11, we get into why you gen
Heart Note #3: when the couple holiday isn't working
A holiday is basically a relationship stress test in a sunhat. Take away the work, the routine, the separate friends, the rooms you can escape to; and it's just the two of us, sharing a bathroom, a bed, and every single decision about where to go and what to eat. That's exactly where the friction I'd been quietly avoiding for months had nowhere left to hide.In this Heart Note:I get int
Replay #2: Are you where you want to be in love?
Sunday's Heart Note left us with an idea: wedding-grief isn't a wound, it's a compass, pointing at something you still want. Today's replay picks up that needle and puts it on the table.This is the Episode 3 extract: are you where you want to be in love? We will try to explore the complex question: if nothing changed for a whole year, if twelve months from now your love life looked
Heart Note #2: The wedding invite that hit differently
You can be genuinely happy for the groom and bride, and still go home feeling sad.Those two things co-exist at the same time when you are in a challenging spot in your love life.In this Summer Heart Note, we explore the quiet feeling that sometimes follows weddings, engagement announcements, and other people's love stories.We try to understand what that mixed-emotion might be trying to tell you.Be
Replay # 1: Juggling LOVE and LIFE
What if the argument is not really about the dishes, the bins or the unanswered text?Sometimes the relationship is not the problem. Life is.Work pressure, exhaustion, children, ageing parents, money, commuting and the mental load can quietly change how we speak, listen and react to each other. A small comment lands badly. One person withdraws. The other pushes harder. Suddenly, you are arguing abo
Heart Note #1: the version of You that only appears on holiday
Have you ever noticed that a different version of you seems to appear a few days into a holiday?Your body softens. You laugh more easily. You become more curious, more spontaneous and more open to the person beside you.Then you come home—and that version of you seems to disappear almost immediately.In this first Summer Heart Note, we explore what might really be changing when we step away from rou
25. Sorry is a word. Change is a practice
Six sorries in two minutes — and the argument only got worse.If you've ever said "sorry" just to make the discomfort stop… if you've ever been handed an apology that left you feeling more unseen, not less… if you're quietly waiting for an "I'm sorry" that never seems to arrive — this one is for you.Most of us were never taught how to apologise. Very few of us ever received a real apology from a pa
24. The slow fade: when someone leaves without ever saying goodbye
I once had someone fade on me so gradually that I didn't see it happening. He dressed the distance up as a busy season — a big project, a phase, nothing to worry about. By the time I understood what was going on, I'd already mentally planned our second anniversary. Fifteen years later I can still feel it: the confusion, the hollow space, the not knowing whether something had ended or whether I was
23. Moving for love without losing yourself
Ten years ago, I packed up the life I'd taken 25 years to build and moved to a different country for one person. That person was — and is — worth it. But moving for love is not the romantic plot point it gets sold as. It's a slow, structural decision that touches everything: your friendships, your identity, your money, your sense of home, even the way you spend a Sunday evening.Nobody expl
22. The four wounds of dysfunctional love - and the secret of healing
Why do you push away the people who are genuinely good for you — and feel strangely at home with the ones who aren't?If steady, kind love feels boring, suspicious, even suffocating… if a caring partner has ever made you think "this is too good to be true"… if you keep choosing chaos and calling it passion — this episode will hit close to home.In this episode of Love Inside Out, we ex
21. How to strengthen your relationship
We've all been sold that fixing our relationship takes a weekend retreat, a couples therapist, or a three-hour conversation at midnight that leaves both parties both wrung out and staring at the ceiling.It doesn't.In this episode, I'm giving you part one of my coaching framework — three small, ordinary acts, done together every day, in five minutes total. The kind of acts you used to d
20. Retroactive jealousy: the ghost in your relationship
Your partner's ex. The one you've never met but can't stop thinking about. That's the ghost in your relationship — and in this episode, we're talking about why someone who is no longer part of the story has more power over your peace of mind than the person sleeping next to you.Today we focus on retroactive jealousy. In this episode, I break down what retroactive jealousy actually is, why it takes
19. Be careful who you talk to about your Love life
This episode is for anyone who's ever left a coffee, a dinner, or a group chat feeling quietly worse about their relationship — without being able to say exactly why. For anyone who's compared their love life to a friend's highlight reel and come up short. For anyone who vents to the same person every time and wonders why nothing ever shifts.But here's what happened. This Sunday I accidentally ran
18. The imaginary race & FOMO in love: why you're comparing your love life to a timeline that doesn't exist
You're not behind. You're scrolling and play a lose-lose game with endless comparisons.Nobody tells you this, so I will: the most damaging thing you can do in love is measure your real life against someone else's highlight reel. That knot in your stomach when a friend gets engaged. That restless ache when you see a couple on holiday and yours feels quieter. That voice saying you should
17. Three communication secrets no one told you before
This episode is for anyone who's ever felt stuck in the same argument, said something they didn't mean, or walked out of a conversation wondering how it went sideways so fast. No jargon. No "use I-statements." Just three things happening beneath the surface of your love life that most of us were never taught to notice.But here's what happened. Three coaching sessions in one week. Three completely
16.The gated bridge: how to protect your peace at family gatherings
You know that moment at a family gathering when someone asks about your love life, your choices or your body and your chest tightens? This episode is your preparation. Easter is close. You'll want this before you walk through that door.In this episode of Love Inside Out, I'm giving you the gated bridge — a way to protect your peace at family events without shutting anyone out, building walls, or s
15. Why you shouldn't make love decision when life has shaken you
Making a big decision about your love life when everything is falling apart is like grocery shopping when you're starving. You grab whatever's closest. You don't read the label. You just want the empty feeling to stop. That's not clarity — that's compensation. This episode might save you from the wrong call. Love Inside Out — out now.
14. What primary school kids know about Love -that most adults have forgotten
Last Sunday, I spotted a poster on a classroom wall in a primary school. Five rules. Handwritten in coloured marker. For children aged six.And I stood there thinking — if adults of my generation learnt and applied these five rules in their romantic relationships, half the heartbreak out there simply would not exist.We teach children these things before they can tie their shoelaces. Then somewhere
13. The invisible contract: what we expect from love
You've never sat someone down and handed them a list of your assumptions and expectations for how to love you. But you have that list. And when someone breaks a rule they were never told about — it feels like betrayal.If this hit close home, DM @adele_thecoachLove Inside Out is back with an episode about the thing underneath most relationship frustration: the invisible contract. The unspoken e
12. Why we rage at the people we love
Have you ever lost your temper with someone you love and barely recognised yourself afterwards? Not just frustrated — properly gone. The message you fired off with shaking hands. Or the silence you went into on purpose, because you knew it would cut deeper than anything you could say.This week I'm taking on anger and rage — that zero-to-hundred surge where the calm, reasonable version of you v
11. How to recover - and actually grow - after an argument
The argument is over. The voices have stopped. So why does the silence feel heavier than the shouting did? If your relationship feels weird after a fight — even when the argument is over — listen to this episode.That uncomfortable space — where you're in the same house, doing normal things, but both of you are tense and somehow still fighting in your head — is where most couples actually becom
10. Overthinking in relationships & dating: Why your brain won't let you love in peace
You replayed the conversation. You analysed the text. You stayed up at 2AM building an argument about something that hasn't happened yet. And now your stomach hurts.This episode unpacks why overthinking takes over in relationships and dating — and what's actually going on underneath it. We explore horror vacui (the brain's refusal to sit with uncertainty), the cognitive distortions that make you r
9. How to recognise your person: a dating framework for singles
If you're single, chances are you've been hurt. You've lost trust — not just in love, but in yourself. You tolerated things you shouldn't have. You stayed too long. You ignored the signs.This episode is your reset.I share a framework she's developed through years of working with clients and my own dating experiences. No checklists. No "must-haves." Just a different wa
8. The Power Couple Myth- everyone wants to be the Obamas (but no one wants to do the work)
You scroll past a photo of the Obamas and think: that. I want that.The look. The respect. The decades-deep love that still lights up a room.But here's what we skip past — the therapy sessions, the 2am conversations that resolved nothing, the mornings where someone woke up annoyed for no good reason. We admire the destination. We're far less interested in the journey.This episode unpacks th
7. The blurry line between Gratitude and Compromise
Have you ever swallowed something that hurt you and immediately told yourself "it could be worse"? Have you ever talked yourself out of a need because "at least they don't do X"?That's not gratitude. That's self-abandonment with a positive spin.In this episode, we explore the blurry line between genuine appreciation and shrinking yourself to keep the peace. I break down what "playing small" actual
6. The Performance Trap: Stop trying to earn love!
Why do we perform in our most intimate relationships? This episode unpacks where the belief that love must be earned comes from—and how to finally step off the treadmill.In this episode, we explore The Performance Trap: that exhausting pattern of monitoring yourself, proving your worth, and secretly fearing that if you stop performing, you'll lose their love.You'll learn:→ The difference b
5. How life, work, and juggling impact your love life—and what to do about it
New year, new pressure to fix everything—including your relationship. But what if the real problem isn't the argument about who forgot to defrost the chicken? It's the pattern underneath.This episode gets practical. We talk about stress signatures, the myth of quality time, and why most relationship tension has nothing to do with your relationship. You'll get actual scripts to defuse arguments bef
4. Self-Love and Romantic Love — where they meet and where they differ
You choose the other person, and a small part of you disappears. You choose yourself, and the guilt creeps in. Some nights, loving yourself and loving someone else feel like they're pulling you in opposite directions.And underneath it all, that quiet sentence you've been carrying for years — "you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you" — has slowly stopped so
3. Are you where you want to be in Love?
When most of us think about love, we're not really thinking about what we need. We're thinking about society's script and timeline.So when I ask, "Are you where you want to be in love?"—I'm not asking whether you've ticked the right boxes.I'm asking something deeper.Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel alive in your relationship—or, if you are single, do you feel in charge in your search for a partn
2. Family Dynamics and Your Love Life: When the Past Shows Up at Holidays
Dreading those awkward questions at the dinner table? Whether you're bringing a partner home, navigating the holidays single, or stuck in situationship limbo—this episode is your survival guide.We explore:→ Why family gatherings trigger old patterns→ The loyalty bind when partner meets family→ How to handle the "still single?" comments→ Setting boundaries without guilt→ Breaking free
1. Love Storytelling: The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Love
What if your beliefs about love are actually keeping you from having it?We all carry stories about what relationships should look like—from romantic movies, our parents' marriage, or that person who broke our heart years ago. These love narratives are not always true.This episode unpacks the most damaging relationship myths: that love should be effortless, that passion inevitably fades, that confl
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