Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

114 - When Trust Can't Be Restored Aug 18, 2026 00:17:09 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: Eight years into repeated disclosures and relapses, I'm separated again. Am I required as a Christian to keep pursuing reconciliation? After 27 years of marriage shaped by pornography addiction, I don't know if sexual intimacy is emotionally safe for

113 - Recovery, Relapse, & Discernment Aug 11, 2026 00:15:15 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After years of healing, I recently discovered information that makes me wonder whether I ever truly received a complete therapeutic disclosure. Is it ever too late for full disclosure? My husband recently hit rock bottom and is finally engaging in rec

112 - The Brain, Lust, & Long-Term Recovery Aug 4, 2026 00:15:53 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband struggled with pornography and a wandering eye for nearly 40 years before quitting. How long does it take for those brain pathways and bonds to change? I was recently told, addiction aside, that "biology kicks in" for men. Besides resisting

111 - Healing When Recovery Doesn't Remove the Hurt Jul 28, 2026 00:16:23 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband has two years of recovery, but I'm still devastated by the fact that lust will always be part of our marriage. How do I accept that without it destroying me? Six months after discovering my husband's betrayal involving sex workers, pornogra

110 - Emotional Intimacy: More Than Sobriety Jul 21, 2026 00:18:01 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My sexually addicted husband is 3 months into recovery. He said he’s never been fully honest with me. How much should he share? How can he learn to be vulnerable after 30 years of being a lone wolf? My husband has been sober from pornography for 12 ye

109 - Where to Start in My Recovery Journey Jul 14, 2026 00:20:12 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’m in a tough situation. I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group, navigating betrayal from my husband’s porn use, and have recognized serious shame surrounding my own struggle with masturbation. I feel hypocritical for being hurt while struggling myself, and

108 - The Hidden Aspects of Sexual Addiction Jul 7, 2026 00:20:02 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After discovering my husband’s long-hidden porn addiction and affair, my adult children and I are struggling to reconcile his deep involvement in faith and ministry with the secret double life he lived for decades. I don’t know how to explain the disco

107 - Betrayal, Heartbreak, and Addiction Patterns Jun 30, 2026 00:17:07 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After five years of betrayal and partial recovery efforts, I’m seeing new honesty and engagement from my husband, but repeated slip-ups leave me unsure what’s truly changing. I’m caring for myself well, yet struggling to discern whether this reflects e

106 - Understanding My Sexual Struggles Jun 23, 2026 00:20:52 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After 16 years of recovery from sex addiction, I’m realizing how deeply my relationship with my mother still shapes my emotional triggers around criticism, guilt, and performance. While our relationship has improved and I truly believe I’ve forgiven he

105 - Dying Marriage, Secondary Betrayal, and Triggers Jun 16, 2026 00:21:34 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I resonated with your thoughts on marriage stagnation from episode #95. My husband stopped relapsing but isn’t actively pursuing healing, and I feel stuck, discouraged, and worn down. After years of little growth, I’m unsure what I believe about biblical

104 - Sex, Safety, and the Aftermath Jun 9, 2026 00:15:20 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband and I are 2½ years into recovery, and our marriage is stronger than ever. As I enter my third trimester, we want to plan for sex and intimacy postpartum, especially after a difficult recovery with our first child. How can we approach this se

103 - Distinguishing the Difference Between Worth, Attention, & Identity Jun 2, 2026 00:18:47 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’m a woman in ministry and I’ve noticed a pattern where I seek validation through flirting and attention from men, even when I don’t intend harm. I want to break this cycle and grow in healthier boundaries and identity. What kind of help, support, or

102 - What To Do When Recovery Stalls Out May 26, 2026 00:18:11 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband and I have been together since childhood, married for 7 years, and six months ago I discovered his long-term porn addiction. It feels like a deep betrayal, and I’m struggling to heal and trust again. Even though he’s in recovery and doing th

101 - Dealing With Rage as a Betrayal Trauma Response May 19, 2026 00:19:23 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - I’m walking through betrayal after discovering my boyfriend’s porn use and past behaviors, and what’s been most overwhelming isn’t just the pain, it’s the rage. At times, I feel completely overtaken by anger, even acting in ways that scare me and leave

100 - When Chemistry Feels Like Connection May 12, 2026 00:15:36 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - I’m single, in a healthy community, and feel ready for a relationship, but I tend to quickly imagine men as “the one” before truly knowing them. I find myself dreaming about a future instead of seeing who they really are. Why is this so hard to stop, a

099 - Understanding Sexual Fantasies and Unmet Needs May 5, 2026 00:18:08 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’ve found myself using sexual fantasy or porn-like material to cope with stress or loneliness. I’ve heard that these behaviors can be a sign of unmet needs rather than simply a sin issue. How do I figure out what need I’m trying to meet and what could

098 - Loving Without Losing Yourself Apr 28, 2026 00:21:11 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After 22 years of marriage marked by pornography addiction, emotional abuse, fear, and deep violations of trust, I’m emotionally done and longing to begin my own healing. My husband’s serious health issues now complicate my decision and leave me burden

097 - Red Flags & Relapse: Facing a Spouse Who Keeps Returning to Porn Apr 21, 2026 00:18:35 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After years of recovery work and shared ministry, I’m facing renewed betrayal as my husband returns to secretive, addictive behaviors, becomes defensive and angry, and dismisses my need for safety. I feel destabilized, fearful there may be more hidden,

096 - Coping, Fantasies, and Recovery: Finding a Healthy Path Forward Apr 14, 2026 00:16:46 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: Listener feedback: I have gone through Unraveled and am currently starting a Betrayal & Beyond group at my church. Going through Unraveled was so amazing to help me process things and have a safe group of women that I could be honest with. Thanks so much

095 - Pregnant, Betrayed, and Uncertain: Making Wise Choices in Marriage Recovery Apr 7, 2026 00:20:47 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I recently found out that my husband has been hiding a 7 year porn addiction which is most of our marriage. I am 5 months pregnant and we had planned for him to take 12 weeks paternity leave. Now I am really concerned that it may not be a good idea, as

094 - Restoration or Reality? Navigating Marriage, Addiction, and Boundaries Mar 31, 2026 00:17:50 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: Despite years of counseling and recovery efforts following discovery, I’m exhausted by repeated delays in my husband’s full disclosure. I’ve set a February deadline to protect my well-being but feel uncertain about boundaries, patience, and enabling pa

Integrating Psychology & Spirituality with Dr. Craig Cashwell Mar 24, 2026 00:38:10 In this insightful conversation, we sit down with a clinician and ministry leader, Dr. Craig Cashwell, who is passionate about integrating psychological wisdom with spiritual formation. We explore how faith and clinical care work together in the healing process and unpack the powerful statement, “Nothing that is psychologically damaging is theologically sound.” You’ll gain a clearer understanding

Stories of Healing with Cyndie & Dusty Mar 17, 2026 00:53:02 In this vulnerable and transparent episode, Cyndie and Dusty share their story of betrayal, discovery, and the courageous steps that led them to seek help. Dusty offers the often unheard perspective of a husband navigating betrayal trauma, including the physical, emotional, and spiritual impact and how he pursued recovery. Cyndie talks about joining an Unraveled group: what was challenging, what

Let’s Talk About Divorce with Andrea Rogers Mar 10, 2026 01:01:06 In this honest and compassionate conversation, we explore one of the most difficult realities couples may face: when separation, and sometimes divorce, becomes part of the healing journey. How can someone discern when it’s time to consider divorce? What boundaries protect emotional and spiritual health along the way? We also discuss caring for children through the transition, navigating reactions

093 - Helping Your Partner Heal From the Impact of Your Addiction Mar 3, 2026 00:19:50 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’m terrified that full honesty will cost me everything—my marriage, my family, my reputation. I want healing, but I’m afraid the truth might do more damage than good. Do I really need to tell my partner everything—and what if it destroys my marriage?

092 - Rebuilding Intimacy After Betrayal: Orgasm, Erection, and Trust Feb 24, 2026 00:18:26 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- We are 5 years post betrayal and our intimacy has gotten better and deeper. Though there are still barriers around me achieving orgasm. It took us 2 years for me to orgasm. It’s very separated right now, either I am orgasming or he is. We want to do it a

091 - Navigating Trauma and Trust After Infidelity Feb 17, 2026 00:23:27 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:After 37 years of marriage marked by sexual betrayal and addiction, my husband left for another woman, leaving deep trauma and guilt in his wake. I wrestle with regret, self-blame, and grief after years of prayer and perseverance. How do I heal from this b

090 - Why Can’t I Stop? Understanding the Inner Battle with Porn & Affairs Feb 10, 2026 00:19:20 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Why do I keep going back to porn or affairs even when I genuinely want to stop? I’ve prayed, made promises, installed accountability, and genuinely meant it—yet somehow I still find myself back here. Each relapse leaves me more confused and ashamed, wonder

089 - Coexistence, Safety, and Healing After Betrayal Feb 3, 2026 00:18:53 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Nearly two years after betrayal and decades of marriage, I’m trying to coexist with a husband in recovery who seeks help but struggles to empathize with my pain. I feel unseen, fearful of being on my own, and unsure whether healing together is possible. Is

088 - Alone in Healing: Navigating Betrayal and Recovery Jan 27, 2026 00:16:01 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I’ve been married twenty years and have lived with the quiet pain of my husband’s porn use, avoidance, and lack of accountability. I’ve pursued healing alone while he remains passive, leaving me stuck between guilt, anger, and resentment—especially amid hi

087 - Rebuilding Trust when Honesty Seems Unsure Jan 20, 2026 00:20:30 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activ

086 - Navigating Beyond Betrayal Jan 13, 2026 00:19:21 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activ

085 - Corruption, Affairs, and Crossing The Line Jan 6, 2026 00:15:51 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:One of my group members is struggling after discovering his wife’s year-long affair, which began after he pressured her to watch pornography with him and she became addicted herself. They are seeing a counselor locally. What resources would you recommend t

084 - Crushed, Conflicted, and Craving: Healing After Betrayal Dec 30, 2025 00:19:17 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Since discovery, I’ve worked hard to heal my sexuality and past trauma, as well as the impact of my husband’s addiction. I fight against resentment while still longing for emotional closeness with him, which often leads to wanting sexual intimacy too. I’m

083 - When Divorce Might be the Healthiest Option Dec 23, 2025 00:18:57 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- My husband and I are 3.5 years post-discovery, yet he still avoids taking ownership for issues tied to his long-term sexual addiction unless pressured. As Christians, I feel truth-telling should be shared, not one-sided, and I’m troubled this wasn’t addr

082 - Desire, Dreams, and Waiting Well Dec 16, 2025 00:21:16 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- What books would you recommend reading to help me understand sex and orgasm?- After 18 years of marriage and repeated betrayals by my husband, I’ve been divorced for two years and abstinent, yet I struggle with a strong sexual desire I’m unaccustomed to

081 - Betrayal, Legal Issues, & Hopelessness Dec 9, 2025 00:16:10 On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- My husband’s parents are loving and generous, but since D-Day, he hasn’t been honest with them about his actions or the consequences. He was fired and had to hire a lawyer due to his acting out behaviors. I’ve become his secret keeper, which leaves me resentful and conflicted. How much truth should I share with his parents without oversharing

080 - How Our Healing Impacts Our Family Dec 2, 2025 00:17:35 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Does PD counseling include diving into family of origin trauma such as enmeshment between a parent and a child?Through my healing I’ve learned a lot about attachment styles. My young adult daughter doesn’t have an obvious attachment style and doesn’t seem

079 - Dating and Engagement in the Midst of Recovery Nov 25, 2025 00:12:41 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- In a dating context, how much recovery should my boyfriend have from sexual addiction prior to us stepping into marriage?- I’m leading an Authentically You group, and several young women are sharing about their fiancés’ struggles with porn. They seem de

078 - Equipping Group Leaders: Strangulation, Spiritualizing, & Emotional Affairs Nov 18, 2025 00:22:18 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:More women are coming to group with strangulation trauma as part of the abuse they’ve gone through. I recently had a woman in group who had experienced this and ended up with a blood clot in her neck that could have been life threatening. How do we learn m

077 - Making Sense of My Sexual Behaviors Nov 11, 2025 00:12:35 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Even though I'm faithful to my husband, and love him dearly, I lust and fantasize and my maladaptive daydreaming is out of control. How do I navigate these waters? Is this past trauma and my need for control? Where do I start with healing?I stopped my own

076 - The Harsh Reality of Being in a Sexless Marriage Nov 4, 2025 00:17:11 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:How do I not hate or resent my husband when I grieve the inability to try to have more children because we have a sexless marriage due to the trauma of his addiction?Can you speak to sexual anorexia after betrayal? It's been 5 years since my husband and I

075 - Purity Culture, Expectations, and a High Libido Oct 28, 2025 00:21:23 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- I’ve felt the harm of purity culture, but I’m confused by the reaction against it—where modesty seems dismissed altogether. I see Christian women dressing in ways that feel extreme, and I wonder if immodesty reflects deeper heart issues. Is there still s

074 - The Unique Nuances of Betrayal and Healing Oct 21, 2025 00:20:55 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- I was married for 30 years and I didn’t understand the depth of my husband’s porn addiction until about 8 years ago. He refused to seek help and he recently passed away, so I am doing this recovery alone. About 9 months ago, I found him at his place of b

073 - Singleness, Same-Sex Attraction, & Sex Oct 14, 2025 00:14:44 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- I am single right now, but every time I get in the shower I think about when I get married and if my husband will want to take a shower with me. I don't want my husband in the shower. So how would I tell him no without hurting him?- I'm a follower of Chr

072 - Navigating the Nuances of Betrayal Oct 7, 2025 00:17:58 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- After 9 years of repeated porn discoveries in my marriage, we're now heading into an intensive with a polygraph. It’s our first time using one, and I feel lost on what to ask. What questions truly bring clarity and healing? What are the top questions a b

071 - When Healing from Betrayal Feels like a Revolving Door Sep 30, 2025 00:15:44 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My husband and I have been in recovery through PD since late 2024, navigating sobriety, betrayal trauma, and rebuilding intimacy. While I’m seeking emotional safety, he reacts with blame when having sex is paused. I’m craving emotional connection before se

070 - Balancing Singleness & Relationships Sep 23, 2025 00:18:24 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I find myself constantly chasing relationships, even unhealthy ones, just so I don’t feel alone. I know it’s not good for me, but the fear of being without someone feels unbearable. How do I start breaking free from this cycle of needing to be wanted?When

069 - The Ups and Downs of Healing from Betrayal Sep 16, 2025 00:19:34 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My husband and I are a few months into recovery after he disclosed years of hidden porn use. While he believes he’s walking in victory, I’m unsure how to distinguish true healing from another “purge” phase, given his past cycle. With new safeguards in plac

068 - The Brutality of Betrayal Sep 9, 2025 00:18:54 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I just finished Sexual Integrity 101 and want to join Betrayal & Beyond. There are no local groups and a 10-month virtual commitment feels impossible. My husband, a former pastor, abandoned me and our four kids after a devastating affair. I’m doing the wor

067 - Women in the Struggle: When Shame Won’t Let Go Sep 2, 2025 00:16:55 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- My husband makes me feel small and unwanted. I started fantasizing about the characters in one of my favorite shows. I find myself wishing I were married to a man like that. Whenever I’m not watching my show, I hate my reality and life, but I also do not

066 - When Dating, is Finding a Sexually Healthy Spouse Possible? Aug 26, 2025 00:14:30 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I’m reentering dating after ending a relationship with a man who had unresolved pornography struggles and resisted accountability. Now seeking a God-honoring, healthy marriage, I’m wondering how to graciously approach conversations about sexual history and

065 - Will I Ever Recover From Betrayal? Aug 19, 2025 00:15:57 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- My husband confessed to porn, chat rooms, and video calls, but I’ve discovered more he hasn’t admitted. I’m now in a group and writing a Safety Action Plan, but how do you create one when trust is completely broken? If there are consequences, won’t he ju

064 - Sexual Wholeness When I Feel Like a Spiritual Mess Aug 12, 2025 00:22:11 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I grew up in the church and always thought wanting sex, or enjoying it, made me less godly. Now I’m married, and feel so much confusion and guilt about what I should want. How has culture and religion shaped the way I view desire, and how do I know what’s

063 - The Lasting Effects of Betrayal Trauma Aug 5, 2025 00:19:20 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My husband is making great progress in his recovery, attending group sessions and trauma counseling, but I’m struggling to catch up. I’ve had trouble finding a counselor and don’t have a group, though we both attended an intensive. He sometimes dismisses m

062 - Finding the Hard Answers to Healing & Recovery Jul 29, 2025 00:13:26 If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My group was excruciating tonight—hearing others’ victories while I’m drowning in pain felt unbearable. I’m exhausted from p

061 - Finding the Support You Need for Healing Jul 22, 2025 00:15:37 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:In the new edition of Betrayal & Beyond you took out the part about "forgiving yourself." I am happy you did because I don't agree with that concept. I believe in God's forgiveness, but I wonder why you decided to take that part out of the new edition?Each

060 - How Addiction Recovery Impacts Relationships Jul 15, 2025 00:19:10 If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: As my husband and I walk through recovery—he’s in Seven Pillars, I’m in Betrayal & Beyond—I’m nearing the end of my group a

059 - Masturbation, Sexual Health, & Singleness Jul 8, 2025 00:15:15 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I’m 26, single, and struggling with porn addiction. While I have filters in place, I’ve turned to sexually explicit romance books as a substitute. It feels less harmful since the characters aren't real, but I know it still impacts me. Can reading these boo

058 - When Recovery & Healing Seem Impossible Jul 1, 2025 00:14:31 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:During our full disclosure, my husband confessed to having fantasies about my young adult daughter. She is his step-daughter and he did not raise her. He then confessed that he is aroused by most developed females. I suppose my question is this: is there r

057 - Communication, Spiritual Bypass, & Self-Esteem Jun 24, 2025 00:24:27 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:How does one communicate needs in a marriage when one partner is stuck in the shame spiral of addiction? My husband gets defensive when I express my needs, which deepens my emotional wounds. How can I safely share my feelings and build trust and intimacy w

056 - Navigating Passion, Sex, & Physical Touch Jun 17, 2025 00:14:23 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Our sex life confuses me. My husband expects me to engage instantly, even after disconnection, yet refuses intimacy unless I’m fully enthusiastic. I’m willing, even when not interested, but he won’t proceed unless I’m all in. We feel like we live separate

055 - What to Do After Decades of Betrayal Jun 10, 2025 00:12:12 If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:After 29 years, my husband had an affair, quit his job, filed for divorce, and left—refusing counseling or reconciliation. I

054 - Recovery is Not a 'One Size Fits All'l Process Jun 3, 2025 00:17:40 If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- My husband has nearly 9 months of sobriety. He finished Seven Pillars and now attends a men's group for ongoing support, b

053 - When Leaders Ask Hard Questions May 27, 2025 00:13:58 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I recently joined Pure Desire. Is it okay for a woman to discuss with her pastor her sexual issues with her husband in their home? What responsibility does the pastor have in this situation? In what environment should he accept this responsibility and offe

052 - Forgiveness, Empathy, & Triggers May 20, 2025 00:22:40 If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I'd love to hear you discuss forgiveness. We're often warned against forgiving too soon or improperly, but rarely told how t

051 - Recovery & Relapse May 13, 2025 00:18:34 Email your questions to unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I am wondering if a husband is supposed to tell his wife about relapses after full disclosure? My husband doesn’t want to cause me “more trauma” and says, “I am acting like an accountability partner.” When I

050 - Parafilia, Fantasy, & Sex May 6, 2025 00:17:48 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I’ve been leading Betrayal & Beyond groups. Sometimes I’ll have women whose husbands are involved in paraphilia and I wonder how to help them. (Cross dressing, exhibitionism, anonymous sex with other men even though they are not homosexual, etc.) I haven’t

049 - The Fallout of Addiction & Betrayal Apr 29, 2025 00:17:39 Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I left my abusive marriage for the safety of my children and myself, and my ex-husband has since passed away. As I grow through recovery and faith, I've started considering dating again. However, I've begun having intrusive thoughts about whether the men a

048 - Getting Through Your Husband's Prostitution, Affairs, & Lies Apr 22, 2025 00:21:02 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:- I’m 27 and married for four years with no kids. Six months in, I discovered my husband’s porn addiction and his solicitation of a prostitute. Over the years, he’s continued deceptive behavior, including porn use o

047 - Emotional Betrayal, Trauma, & Healing Apr 15, 2025 00:23:25 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions: In 2006, I found out my husband had a pornography addiction. He later worked at a church and grew close to a female coworker. In January 2021, he admitted relapsing and revealed that this coworker helped him stop,

Healing from Betrayal with Dr. Barbara Steffens | Guest Episode Apr 8, 2025 00:44:29 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what’s happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today’s episode, we are honored to have

046 - Is It Possible For My Husband To Achieve Sobriety? Apr 1, 2025 00:18:46 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:- Is lifelong sobriety possible? My husband has been addicted to pornography since he was 12-13. He has gone through a 12 step recovery program and gained 2 years of sobriety and good recovery. Recently, he has sta

045 - Menopause, Addiction, & Reintegrating Sex Mar 25, 2025 00:18:33 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:Do you have any suggestions on menopause and the effect it has on sexual intimacy? How to work through it, as well as just how important is sexual intimacy in a relationship? I know emotional intimacy is key but wha

044 - Unique Forms of Betrayal Mar 18, 2025 00:11:46 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:The language often used by Pure Desire is for married couples, but what about the seriously dating couples who are moving toward marriage? What counsel do you have for young Christian adults in committed dating rela

043 - The Complexity Of Sex Mar 11, 2025 00:15:55 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: How do I tread the line between being a trigger for my husband and still being sexy and flirty? I used to love wearing lingerie type nightgowns and throughout the day send messages to my husband about plans for ou

042 - How Can an Addicted Husband Lead? Mar 4, 2025 00:20:59 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:I'm the addict spouse, and I've had a porn addiction since I was 11 years old (I'm 26 now). I've struggled with sexual addiction well before my wife and I met. I'm in recovery and making progress, but it’s still a

041 - I think I'm Done With This Marriage Feb 25, 2025 00:17:10 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:I’m 62 years old and found out about my husbands porn addiction over 6 years ago. He had disclosed to me that he had been masturbating and using porn since he was 12 years old. It was devastating. We’ve sought help

040 - What Do I Do After An Affair? Feb 18, 2025 00:17:37 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:How do I start a discussion with my husband? He's now bringing up that he thinks I was unfaithful to him 10 years ago. He is currently texting with a girl that he used to text with in a sexual context 4 months ago.

039 - How Do I Support My Addicted Husband? Feb 11, 2025 00:14:13 Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:Do I have to have sex whenever he wants it to keep him from temptation?My husband is working on his recovery, but he says he needs me to be more supportive. I’m crushed and angry. How can I tell him I am unable to

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