Healed-ish
Healed-ish is a podcast about the messy, beautiful, and sometimes insane process of healing. Host Jubilee Dawn interviews survivors of betrayal, religious trauma, catfishing, toxic relationships, and other difficult experiences. Each episode unpacks the chaos and growth that comes with starting over, offering honest, raw, and sometimes funny stories. The show highlights the fully human side of recovery and personal transformation.
Episodes
98. Working Under a False Prophet: Shawn Bolz (Johnny's Story)
Johnny spent more than a decade involved with Expression58, a charismatic church in Los Angeles where he thought he had found something beautiful: a creative community, a sense of purpose, and eventually a career in ministry. Along the way, he worked under prominent prophetic minister Shawn Bolz.Johnny shares what it was like to work with Shawn from inside the charismatic world, the cracks that ev
97. Dear Daddy God.... (Hannah Beck's Story)
Comedian Hannah Beck joins me to unpack the lore behind her viral “Dear Daddy God” series, where she reads entries from her extremely religious childhood journals. From judging her friends for watching Glee (while watching it herself for “research”) to practicing kissing with her best friend for their future husbands, who she later realized was absolutely her crush, we’re getting the stories behin
96. Gold Dust, Healings & Bad Evidence: Finger of God | Cringe Rewatch
This documentary literally helped convince me to go to Bethel. 😂 Finger of God follows filmmaker Darren Wilson as he searches for evidence that God is still performing supernatural miracles today. This includes healings, gold dust and gold teeth.At the time, Anna and I were completely captivated by it. So, years later and on the other side of deconstruction, we decided to watch it again. We’re rev
95. Faith Over Family: Escaping Jehovah’s Witnesses: Part 2 (Ben’s Story)
CW: Conversion therapy, homophobia, suicidal ideation, religious abuseBen was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, where strict rules, purity culture, and the threat of shunning shaped his life. After coming to terms with being gay, he was forced into a “study” that turned into conversion therapy and ultimately found himself homeless and without the support of his family. Today, his parents have cut con
94. Faith Over Family: Escaping Jehovah’s Witnesses: Part 1 (Ben’s Story)
CW: Conversion therapy, homophobia, suicidal ideation, religious abuseBen was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, where strict rules, purity culture, and the threat of shunning shaped his life. After coming to terms with being gay, he was forced into a “study” that turned into conversion therapy and ultimately found himself homeless and without the support of his family. Today, his parents have cut con
93. Inside Campus Crusade for Christ: Cru (Rachel’s Story)
Rachel didn't grow up religious, but after being introduced to church through a friend, Christianity eventually became her entire world. In college, she joined Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) and ultimately turned ministry into a full-time career. Rachel shares the cracks she began to see from the inside, why the organization started to feel increasingly culty, and the deconstruction that
92. Captivating: Cringe Book Club
Cringe Book Club has officially arrived to Healed-ish! If you’ve seen the series on my TikTok, you know where this is going: we’re revisiting the Christian books that shaped how many of us thought about faith, relationships, gender, sex, and ourselves, and asking... what exactly were we reading?!Abigail & I are kicking things off with Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, the bestselling Chr
91. Growing up Seventh-Day Adventist (Melissa Duge Spiers' Story)
Melissa Duge Spiers grew up Seventh-day Adventist in a world shaped by strict rules, purity culture, and expectations of what it meant to be a good Christian woman. We talk about Ellen G. White and the beginnings of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, Melissa’s rebellion and eventual separation from her upbringing, and the devastating truth she later learned about her father. Melissa is the author o
90. Youth Camps & Megachurches (Ellie's Story)
Youth camp was Ellie’s happy place. She made memories with friends, had powerful emotional experiences, and led worship. But after getting involved in a megachurch, she began seeing what happened behind the scenes and what happened when she started asking honest questions. Ellie shares her journey from church camps and megachurch culture to leaving, deconstructing, finding freedom, and healing out
89. Mica Miller & the Death of the Pastor's Wife
CW: Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse, and Discussion of SuicideAfter many requests to talk about Mica Miller's story and Netflix's Death of the Pastor's Wife, Rihanna (@thediaryofrihanna) joins me to unpack the case and the troubling dynamics surrounding Mica's marriage to pastor JP Miller. With a significant age gap, domestic violence and religious abuse, and the fact that JP was o
88. Conversion Therapy Dropout (Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez's Story)
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez had a passion for ministry, but after a trusted youth pastor discovered his internet search history, he was shamed and forced to leave his church. Desperate to change his sexuality, Timothy dove headfirst into conversion therapy through Exodus International, learning how to “act straight” and searching for the supposed wound that made him gay.He also shares what it was
87. How Church Taught Us to Distrust Our Bodies with Samantha Redondo
What happens when you've been taught not to trust your own body? Somatic therapist Samantha (@spiritualembodiment) joins me to explore how purity culture, charismatic Christianity, and harmful messages about our bodies can disconnect us from ourselves. We discuss body shame, eating disorders, spiritual performance, and practical steps toward healing and learning to trust your body again.-Saman
86. Rapture Anxiety, the Pressure to Be Pure & Starting Over (Rebecca's Story)
Rebecca grew up afraid of hell, the rapture, and stepping outside of God’s plan. From the pressure to remain pure to a pastor refusing to marry her after she “fell into sin,” shame shaped some of her biggest life decisions. Years later, she discovered the Christian man she trusted had been living a double life that put her and her children in an unsafe situation.We talk about purity, charismatic C
85. Church, Hollywood & Reclaiming Intuition: Part 2 (Katie's Story)
Part 2 of 2CW: sexual assaultKatie Stone spent her teenage years trying to be the perfect Christian girl, learning to cover herself up, follow the rules, and trust spiritual authority over her own intuition. After leaving the church and pursuing her dreams in Hollywood, she found that the two worlds weren’t always as different as they seemed. As she explored her sexuality and eventually became a b
84. Church, Hollywood & Reclaiming Intuition: Part 1 (Katie's Story)
Part 1 of 2CW: sexual assaultKatie Stone spent her teenage years trying to be the perfect Christian girl, learning to cover herself up, follow the rules, and trust spiritual authority over her own intuition. After leaving the church and pursuing her dreams in Hollywood, she found that the two worlds weren’t always as different as they seemed. As she explored her sexuality and eventually became a b
83. Youth Pastors Gone Wild with Jeremy Steele
Welcome to the first Friday Drop! Every other Friday, I'll be bringing you conversations, behind-the-scenes stories, and bonus episodes.To kick things off, I'm joined by Jeremy (@skeptic.pastor), a former youth pastor, to swap stories about the absolutely unhinged things that happened in evangelical youth groups. From bizarre games to awkward church culture moments, we revisit the insanity
82. Losing the God I Was Given | The Gardening Theologian: Part 2 (Ciarra's Story)
Part 2 of 2This week, I'm joined by Ciarra, also known as The Gardening Theologian.Raised in a conservative Christian environment, Ciarra learned early to suppress her queer identity and accept the version of God she had been given. But after attending Berkeley, Harvard Divinity School, studying theology, and wrestling with difficult questions, everything changed.In this episode, we talk about
81. Losing the God I Was Given | The Gardening Theologian: Part 1 (Ciarra's Story)
Part 1 of 2This week, I'm joined by Ciarra, also known as The Gardening Theologian.Raised in a conservative Christian environment, Ciarra learned early to suppress her queer identity and accept the version of God she had been given. But after attending Berkeley, Harvard Divinity School, studying theology, and wrestling with difficult questions, everything changed.In this episode, we talk about
80. YWAM, the Smartphone Prophet, and Bizarre Acts of Faith (Hannah's Story)
After taking a break from college, Hannah joined Youth With A Mission (YWAM), where she immersed herself in charismatic Christianity. In this episode, she shares what that environment was actually like. Speaking in tongues, faith healing, evangelism, and pressure to prove your faith through increasingly bizarre acts ... .including the time someone spit in her eyes in an attempt to heal her eyesig
79. From Amish to Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (Jeffrey’s Story)
Jeff was raised in an Amish household before his family joined the Mennonite church. Years later, he found himself at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, hoping for a different kind of faith. Instead, his time there became the beginning of his deconstruction and his journey toward accepting himself.We talk about purity culture, being gay in conservative Christianity, Bethel, and the unexpected
78. The Voice, Deconstruction & Coming Out After Purity Culture (Jordan Rainer's Story)
Jordan Rainer (The Voice, Team Reba) joins me to share her journey from Southern Baptist purity culture to deconstruction. We talk about suppressing feelings, navigating a difficult marriage shaped by church advice, choosing divorce, coming out, and rebuilding relationships after leaving her faith. She also shares how she is telling her story through her newest music.-Jordan’s Tiktok: https://www.
77. Everything Was A Punishment From God (Shelly's Story)
*CW* emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, parentificationShelly grew up believing that every hardship had a spiritual explanation. After her parents' dramatic conversion to Christianity, they were convinced that her health problems were punishment for her mother's past, and later blamed Shelly's own suffering on her sin. As she navigated parentification, the loss of her brother after he
76. The Bible Led Me To Atheism | Eve Was Framed (Promise's Story)
Promise, known as Eve Was Framed, was raised in charismatic Christianity where speaking in tongues, prophecy, mission trips, and supernatural experiences were a normal part of life. She eventually attended Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) and expected her faith to continue growing.But when Promise began studying the Bible more deeply in hopes of answering questions from her atheist fr
75. My Youth Pastor Dad Had an “Affair”... At Least, That’s What They Told Me (Carley’s Story)
Carley grew up as the daughter of a youth pastor and has many fond memories of church, faith, and family. But when she was young, her parents sat her down and told her that her father had an emotional affair and would be leaving the church. Little else was said, and life moved on.Years later, Carley discovered that the truth was far more complicated. In this episode, she shares what it was like to
74. What Purity Culture Never Taught Us About Women's Bodies | ft. Azriél Patricia & Dr. Ashley Jeanius
Did purity culture leave you with more questions than answers about your body? In this episode, I sit down with Azriél Patricia and Dr. Ashley Jeanius for an honest conversation about women's health, anatomy, and all the things many of us were never taught.We discuss purity culture's obsession with hymens, debunk myths about virginity, explore birth control options, break down the menstru
73. Raised Pentecostal: Hell, Healing, and Heartbreak (Bailee’s Story)
Bailee was raised as a pastor's kid in the Pentecostal church, where speaking in tongues, prophecies, and miraculous healing were part of everyday life. She was taught that God always wants to heal, so when her father was diagnosed with cancer, her family fully expected a miracle. After he passed away, she began to question some of the beliefs she had been taught.In this episode, we talk about
72. God Told Me To Marry Him (Ashley’s Story)
*Content warning: emotional abuse, animal abuse*Ashley, co-host of Praise Be To Pod, didn't grow up deeply religious. After attending youth camps as a teenager, she dove headfirst into evangelical Christianity and even encouraged her own parents to become more involved in church. Eventually, she found her way into charismatic Christianity, where she experienced speaking in tongues, witnessed h
71. Reclaiming Testify to Love (Michael Passons' Story)
Michael Passons spent years as a member of Avalon, one of the most successful groups in Christian music. In this episode, he shares his journey from breaking into the industry and rising to fame, to navigating life as a gay man in a world that taught him his sexuality needed to be changed. Michael opens up about undergoing conversion therapy, the impact it had on his mental health, and the pressur
70. A Bill Nye Debate Sparked My Deconstruction: Part 2 (David's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by David from Deep Drinks. After a powerful encounter with God, he became a youth pastor at just 19, but being pushed out of ministry led him into a season of questioning everything.We talk about his experience with OCD, including intrusive thoughts and compulsions to confess, and what it looked like to finally seek treatment.Then we dive into his deconstruction, includ
69. A Bill Nye Debate Sparked My Deconstruction: Part 1 (David's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by David from Deep Drinks. After a powerful encounter with God, he became a youth pastor at just 19, but being pushed out of ministry led him into a season of questioning everything.We talk about his experience with OCD, including intrusive thoughts and compulsions to confess, and what it looked like to finally seek treatment.Then we dive into his deconstruction, includ
68. When Everything Stopped Being Black and White (Stephanie Stalvey's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by author and artist Stephanie Stalvey to talk about growing up in the church, navigating purity culture, and what it looks like to begin questioning the beliefs you were taught.We also talk about how becoming a mother shifted her perspective on God, identity, and love, and why some of those beliefs no longer felt aligned with the life she was living.Stephanie’s graphic
67. From Megachurch Pastor to Skeptic Pastor (Jeremy Steele's Story)
When Jeremy Steele was a growing up, a woman at church told him God wanted him to become a pastor. From that moment on, he devoted his life to Christianity, eventually attending seminary, becoming a youth pastor, and spending 12 years working inside a megachurch system.In this episode, Jeremy shares the bizarre and harmful youth group culture he witnessed, including a game involving frozen spoons
66. Racism, Grief, and My Experience at Bethel: Part 2 (Krys' Story)
Part 2 of 2Krys shares her experience attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, where she and her brother were deeply involved in the community and on the worship team. What began as a calling eventually became something much more complicated. In this episode, she opens up about the moments that didn’t sit right, including being discouraged from speaking about racism and social issues, and
65. Racism, Grief, and My Experience at Bethel: Part 1 (Krys' Story)
Part 1 of 2Krys shares her experience attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, where she and her brother were deeply involved in the community and on the worship team. What began as a calling eventually became something much more complicated. In this episode, she opens up about the moments that didn’t sit right, including being discouraged from speaking about racism and social issues, and
64. Ex-Christian Nationalist: When 2016 Changed Everything (April Ajoy's Story)
April Ajoy joins me to talk about growing up in Christian nationalism, where fear of the rapture, politics, and faith were deeply intertwined. She shares what it was like to be raised believing the end of the world was always around the corner, including a moment where she thought she had been left behind.We talk about her experience singing on conservative TV, making campaign videos, and the turn
Purity Culture Dilemma: AITAH for Saying My Wife’s Virginity Didn’t Matter?
Bethany Joy (a past Healed-ish guest) joins me to react to some wild and messy Reddit stories. We get into purity culture and a husband who said his wife’s virginity didn’t matter, a destination wedding dilemma, and what to do when someone calls themselves your husband’s “work wife.”We also talk about whether it’s ever okay to tell your sister she brought her situation on herself after a series of
63. No Holidays, No Sex, No Questions: Inside Jehovah’s Witness Life (Micki’s Story)
Micki grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness after her mom joined when she was a child. From going door to door and studying The Watchtower, to missing out on birthdays, holidays, and normal milestones, her life was shaped by strict rules, purity culture, and fear of the outside world.At 35, everything started to unravel. After falling down a Reddit rabbit hole, Micki began questioning what she had always
62. The Cost of Being Devout (David Archuleta’s Story)
David Archuleta joins me to talk about his new memoir and everything that shaped the person he is today.We get into what it was like growing up in the LDS church, the pressure he faced from his dad at a young age, and how that carried into his experience on American Idol. David shares how much of his life felt like it was being lived for other people, and what it took to start questioning that.We
61. IBLP and The Umbrella of Authority: Part 2 (Bethany’s Story)
Content warning: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence and sexual abuse.Bethany was raised in IBLP, the same belief system associated with the Duggars, where teachings like the “umbrella of authority” shaped her understanding of marriage and submission. As one of eleven children, she was expected to help raise her siblings and follow strict gender roles. When she met her ex-husband
60. IBLP and the Umbrella of Authority: Part 1 (Bethany’s Story)
Content warning: This episode contains mentions of domestic violence and sexual abuse.Bethany was raised in IBLP, the same belief system associated with the Duggars, where teachings like the “umbrella of authority” shaped her understanding of marriage and submission. As one of eleven children, she was expected to help raise her siblings and follow strict gender roles. When she met her ex-husband,
59. Abused by My Therapist for Years (Mia Chard's Story)
Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of physical & spiritual abuse, self harm, and suicide.Mia was born and raised in the LDS church and experienced childhood sexual abuse that deeply impacted her mental health. As she struggled with self harm, an eating disorder, and thoughts of ending her life, her bishop referred her to a therapist she was told she could trust. She saw him for
58. Trauma Tuesday: Growing Up as the Scapegoat Child (Scarlet’s Story)
*Scroll for CW*Get ready for Trauma Tuesday! Scarlet is a content creator known for sharing her trauma through dark humor, and her stories have gone viral for a reason.In this episode, she opens up about growing up in an abusive home where her brother was treated like the golden child, while she was constantly dismissed, excluded, and targeted. From her mom giving away their family pets while they
57. From Jehovah's Witness to "Disfellowdipped" (Jordan's Story)
Jordan as a Jehovah’s Witnesses, where his childhood revolved around church meetings, strict rules, and going door to door to share what he believed was the truth.In this episode, he shares what it was like growing up in that environment, from confessing sins to elders to the belief that they are the one true religion, including teachings like the 144,000. We also talk about some of the more surpr
56. A Bible Scholar's Deconstruction (Mattie Mae Motl's Story)
Mattie Mae Motl is a Bible scholar who specializes in gender and sexuality, and her work sits right at the intersection of faith, doubt, and curiosity. In this episode, Mattie shares what first sparked her deconstruction and the moments that led her to question some of the beliefs she once held about the Bible. We talk about the tension of studying scripture deeply while also confronting the fact
55. Starting Over After Choosing Divorce (Cora Lakey's Story)
Cora Lakey has been documenting her healing journey on TikTok after choosing divorce during a season when she thought she and her husband would be trying for a baby. She knew it was the right decision, but that didn’t make it easy. In this episode, she shares what it was like to hold both certainty and heartbreak at the same time, and how painful it was when her ex mother in law, someone she truly
54. Q&A: Deconstruction, Purity Culture, and Marriage (Jubilee & Brandon)
In this Q&A episode of Healed-ish, I’m answering your most frequently asked questions about religious trauma, purity culture, and deconstruction. We talk about faith, healing, unlearning fear, and navigating life after high-control religion. And yes, we also address the very important question of how good the Disney World burger actually was.-Brandon’s Band: Desert Sky - https://open.spotify.c
53. My Husband Has Zero Religious Trauma (Brandon's Story)
In this episode of Healed-ish, I’m joined by my husband Brandon for the first time!Brandon was raised Catholic in a small church and has only positive memories of his faith. He was never threatened with hell, taught purity culture, or taught to associate love with fear or obedience. His experience with religion is very different from mine.We met just a few months after I left an abusive marriage a
52. They Called It an Affair - It Wasn't (Sarah's Story)
*CW* sexual clergy abuse, spiritual abuse, and groomingSarah joined Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry searching for healing and closeness to God, eventually interning for a leader who spiritually adopted her into his family. What was framed as care and spiritual fatherhood created a deep imbalance of trust and authority that later shifted in ways Sarah did not experience as consensual or mutu
51. Letters to My Future Husband (Abigail's Story)
Abigail grew up in the Church of God, spending multiple days a week at services, youth events, and church gatherings. Many of her memories from that time are genuinely sweet and full of community and belonging, even though there were also moments that were not so simple. As a teenager, she began writing love letters to her future husband, hoping that one day she could give them to him as a meaning
50. From Cult Survivor to Child Advocate: Part 2 (Kim Kelley's Story)
CW: This episode contains discussion of childhood abuse, cult involvement, exploitation of minors, and human trafficking.Kim Kelley was raised inside one of the most infamous high-control cults of the 20th century, formerly known as the Children of God and later rebranded as The Family International. Raised largely by the community rather than her mother, who was a high-ranking leader, Kim grew up
49. From Cult Survivor to Child Advocate: Part 1 (Kim Kelley’s Story)
CW: This episode contains discussion of childhood abuse, cult involvement, exploitation of minors, and human trafficking.Kim Kelley was raised inside one of the most infamous high-control cults of the 20th century, formerly known as the Children of God and later rebranded as The Family International. Raised largely by the community rather than her mother, who was a high-ranking leader, Kim grew up
48. OCD, Eating Disorder Recovery, and Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (Rihanna's Story)
* CW* Eating disorder recovery, OCD, intrusive thoughtsIn this episode of Healed-ish, I sit down with Rihanna, who attended Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry with me back in 2012. Raised in a conservative Christian home and shaped by purity culture, Rihanna eventually found her way to Bethel, where she had meaningful spiritual experiences but also quietly relapsed into an eating disorder whil
47. “Holy” Grooming by a Youth Pastor (Danielle’s Story)
Danielle grew up in a non-denominational church and, like many teenagers, found community and belonging through her local youth group. It was there that she met James, the youth director who would slowly become one of the most important people in her life. What began as mentorship and friendship quietly shifted into something far more complicated. Over the years, James groomed Danielle through one
46. The Sin of Loving Me: Born and Razed in a Cult (Beth Granger's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by Beth Granger, author of Born and Razed, who shares her story of being taken from her parents at just four years old and placed into what was presented as a Christian boarding school, but functioned as a deeply controlling and abusive cult. Beth describes being put on a diet at the age of five, subjected to “light sessions” designed to psychologically tear children do
45. Purity Culture, BYU, and a Premarital Doctor Exam (Becca's Story)
Becca was raised in the Mormon church, where nearly every part of her childhood revolved around faith, obedience, and preparation for marriage. From constant church commitments and Mormon Treks to attending BYU, her life followed a path that was considered righteous and ideal, but rarely questioned.In this episode, Becca opens up about Mormon doctrine, purity culture, and the invasive ways control
44. From 19 Kids & Counting to Becoming a Holy Disrupter (Amy Duggar King's Story)
In this episode, I sit down with Amy Duggar to talk about faith, family, and what it means to disrupt dysfunctional patterns. Amy shares her experience growing up adjacent to fame on 19 Kids & Counting, the red flags she noticed early on, and what it was like holding truth while surrounded by silence. We also talk about her book, Holy Disrupter, and why she believes disruption can be sacred wh
43. When "Helping" Hurts: Part 2 (Emily's Story)
Part 2 of 2Emily didn’t grow up religious, but after a traumatic assault, she was searching for something to make her feel whole again. That search led her into Campus Crusade for Christ, years of overseas missions, and a deep commitment to faith and service. Over time, she began to notice troubling patterns, including witnessing a child with cerebral palsy accused of seeking out witchcraft and pr
42. When "Helping" Hurts: Part 1 (Emily's Story)
Part 1 of 2Emily didn’t grow up religious, but after a traumatic assault, she was searching for something to make her feel whole again. That search led her into Campus Crusade for Christ, years of overseas missions, and a deep commitment to faith and service. Over time, she began to notice troubling patterns, including witnessing a child with cerebral palsy accused of seeking out witchcraft and pr
41. Wet Hair Was Forbidden (Cherie's Story)
In this episode of Healed-ish, Cherie talks about growing up in an ultra-strict Christian home where she was homeschooled with curriculum that rewrote history, promoted strict creationism, and even framed Barack Obama as the anti-Christ. From childhood, Cherie was taught that her primary purpose was to become a wife and mother within the ideals of complementarianism. At her Christian college, men
40. I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Josh Harris' Story)
Joshua Harris, author of the bestselling and culture-defining book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, joins Healed-ish for a conversation I’m sure neither of us saw coming. In this episode, we talk about his upbringing, what led him to embrace purity culture as a teenager, writing his book at just 21 years old, and watching it explode across evangelical spaces in ways he never imagined.Josh opens up about w
39. The World Race: 11 Countries in 11 Months (Toni's Story: Part 2)
Toni grew up Southern Baptist in a rule-heavy home marked by emotional and physical abuse. After ministry school and getting married, she and her husband joined the World Race - 11 countries in 11 months, raising nearly $31,000 to serve overseas. But what was marketed as a life changing missions journey quickly revealed a darker side. In this episode, Toni shares how leadership pressured her to mi
38. The World Race: 11 Countries in 11 Months (Toni's Story: Part 1)
Toni grew up Southern Baptist in a rule-heavy home marked by emotional and physical abuse. After ministry school and getting married, she and her husband joined the World Race - 11 countries in 11 months, raising nearly $31,000 to serve overseas. But what was marketed as a life changing missions journey quickly revealed a darker side. In this episode, Toni shares how leadership pressured her to mi
37. When Worship Becomes Performance (Krys' Story)
Krystina grew up Southern Baptist, in a world where women stayed silent on stage and drums were considered sinful. Later, in a charismatic church, she received unsettling prophetic words that painted her future as “anointed, but lonely.” She pursued worship ministry at Liberty University, only to face racism, tokenization, and microaggressions from the very people who claimed to love her. Behind t
36. Charismatic Chaos: Part 2 (Anna's Story)
Part 2 of 2From praying to cast out demons to trying to resurrect her guinea pig, Anna Stone was all in on her charismatic faith. She believed she’d one day be a missionary in Mozambique and dedicated her entire life to spreading the gospel.But at seventeen, an inappropriate encounter and the fallout that followed began to reveal the darker side of the church. Later, her curiosity about Mormonism
35. Charismatic Chaos: Part 1 (Anna’s Story)
Part 1 of 2From praying to cast out demons to trying to resurrect her guinea pig, Anna Stone was all in on her charismatic faith. She believed she’d one day be a missionary in Mozambique and dedicated her entire life to spreading the gospel.But at seventeen, an inappropriate encounter and the fallout that followed began to reveal the darker side of the church. Later, her curiosity about Mormonism
34. Were We Lied To About Hell? (Brian Recker's Story)
Were we lied to about hell?This week, I am joined by Brian Recker, a pastor's kid, former minister, and author of Hell Bent. Brian asked the question most of us were taught to fear: Is the hell we grew up with actually biblical?Brian shares how studying Scripture and church history unraveled fear-based theology and led him into a deeper and more loving experience of God. We talk about the harm of
33. You Might Not Like Her... But I Do (Maddie Zahm's Story)
Maddie Zahm grew up in a Christian home where she took her purity seriously and poured her heart into worship leading. Years later, after auditioning for American Idol, she began writing the kind of songs that reach straight into the stories of those deconstructing their faith and identity.Her song “You Might Not Like Her” became an anthem for anyone learning to love themselves after leaving shame
32. Unlearning Christian Nationalism (Monte Mader's Story)
Monte was raised in rural Wyoming to believe she might have to die for her faith.Growing up under alt-right Christian nationalism, her family prepared for war, built a bunker, and warned her that Democrats would come to kill them. She was taught to shoot at a young age and to see obedience as holiness.Seen as her father’s “chosen one,” she was encouraged to get an education so she could “change th
31. When Coaching Becomes Control: Part 2 (Victoria's Story)
Part 2 of 2Victoria joined Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry at a pivotal time in her life, hoping to grow in her faith and purpose. During her time there, she began an internship with Nick and Jess, a couple who led a group of students through life coaching and emotional healing practices. What started as mentorship quickly shifted into something harmful, as Victoria found herself leading un
30. When Coaching Becomes Control: Part 1 (Victoria's Story)
Part 1 of 2Victoria joined Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry at a pivotal time in her life, hoping to grow in her faith and purpose. During her time there, she began an internship with Nick and Jess, a couple who led a group of students through life coaching and emotional healing practices. What started as mentorship quickly shifted into something harmful, as Victoria found herself leading un
29. My Purity Was a Plotline (Azriél's Story)
Azriél Crews, actor, writer, and daughter of Terry Crews, grew up in front of the cameras on her family’s reality show The Family Crews. As a teenager, she signed a purity pledge on national TV, turning her private coming-of-age into a public spectacle.In this episode, Azriél opens up about navigating faith, fame, and identity in the spotlight. She shares how college gave her the space to embrace
28. 7 Years Gone in 7 Days (Jade's Story)
I’ve known Jade since middle school, and I’ve watched her story unfold over the years. After college, she married her wife in what seemed like a dream come true. They even won a free elopement in a contest, creating memories that felt magical in so many ways.But after seven years together, everything unraveled in a matter of days. A series of accusations and bizarre circumstances ended the marriag
27. The Sin of Wearing Pants (Colten's Story)
Part 1 of 1Colten grew up in the Holiness movement, a Pentecostal tradition with even stricter rules than most. In his church, women were not allowed to cut their hair, wear jewelry, or even wear pants. Baptism had to be done in a very specific way, or else your eternity was on the line. His dad was the pastor, and Colten took those rules to heart, believing his salvation depended on them.In this
26. Eat, Pray, #FML (Gabrielle Stone's Story)
Part 1 of 1CW: mentions of suicideYou may know Gabrielle Stone as the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, #FML, where she chronicles the wildest year of her life: discovering her husband’s affair with a 19-year-old, falling into a whirlwind romance, and then getting dumped just before a month-long trip to Europe. But her story doesn’t begin or end there.In this conversation, Gabrielle opens up about
25. Shiny, Not So Happy, People: Part 2 (Corey's Story)
Part 2 or 2Corey’s story pulls back the curtain on what it was really like inside Teen Mania’s Honor Academy, the infamous discipleship program featured in Amazon’s Shiny Happy People. From grueling workouts to “Unreached People Group Week,” where students were forced to cosplay as missionaries, Corey was subjected to bizarre exercises in control and spiritual manipulation. During his time with Te
24. Shiny, Not So Happy, People: Part 1 (Corey’s Story)
Part 1 of 2Corey’s story pulls back the curtain on what it was really like inside Teen Mania’s Honor Academy, the infamous discipleship program featured in Amazon’s Shiny Happy People. From grueling workouts to “Unreached People Group Week,” where students were forced to cosplay as missionaries, Corey was subjected to bizarre exercises in control and spiritual manipulation. During his time with Te
Religious Trauma: The Overshare Hour
This is a special crossover episode with my other podcast, The Overshare Hour, where we read listener submissions and respond in advice-column style. We’re diving into a topic close to both of our hearts: religious trauma and the journey of deconstruction. From purity culture and church guilt to untangling fear and finding freedom, we share our experiences and open up space for healing conversatio
23. Praying My Baby Would Be a Martyr: Part 2 (Makenzie's Story)
Part 2 of 2We’re bringing it close to home this week with someone you’ve heard me mention before — my ex–sister-in-law, Kenzie. We first met as teenagers in youth group, navigating the pressures of purity pledges, religious guilt, and the rollercoaster of charismatic Christianity. While we shared plenty of fun moments during those years, we were also shaped by environments that demanded conformity
22. Praying My Baby Would Be a Martyr: Part 1 (Makenzie's Story)
Part 1 of 2We’re bringing it close to home this week with someone you’ve heard me mention before — my ex–sister-in-law, Kenzie. We first met as teenagers in youth group, navigating the pressures of purity pledges, religious guilt, and the rollercoaster of charismatic Christianity. While we shared plenty of fun moments during those years, we were also shaped by environments that demanded conformity
21. From Eternal Companions to Eternal Friends (Kelli's Story)
Kelli grew up deeply rooted in Mormonism, where rules and worthiness shaped her entire identity. She and her husband walked through deconstruction side by side. They traded their garments for coffee runs, tried things once considered off-limits, and together learned what freedom outside the church could look like.Their journey led to them ending their marriage on their anniversary. But instead of
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