Comin' Out Swinging
Comin' Out Swinging is a podcast about modern relationships and non-monogamy, hosted by married couple Victoria and Dave Arena. Together nearly 30 years, married over 24 and swinging for more than 22, they share a raw, personal look at love, sex and identity. The show examines how these parts of life often buckle under societal expectations, especially the assumption of monogamy. Episodes aim to redefine what "couple goals" really means through candid conversation and lived experience.
Episodes
Spice Without the Swap
Think the only way to heat things up is to swap partners? Not even close. In this episode, Vic and I break down all the hot, non-monogamy-adjacent fun—voyeurism, exhibitionism, and same-room play—that keeps the spice alive without ever crossing into full swap.
From Overlooked to Overbooked in the Lifestyle
We spent our teens in the friend zone—good enough to listen to everyone’s drama, never the ones they wanted. In this episode, Vic and I unpack how that shaped us, how those voices still live in our heads, and what it feels like to flip the script in the lifestyle.
The Truth About Performance Enhancers
In this episode, we discuss the realities of performance enhancers in the lifestyle. We address common misconceptions about erectile dysfunction, the impact of environment on performance, and the importance of communication between partners. The discussion also covers the use of medication to enhance experiences and the emotional aspects of intimacy when things don't go as planned.Key Takeaways:Pe
From Fun To Felony: Lifestyle Rules You Shouldn't Break
In today’s episode, we’re giving you a crash course in lifestyle club and event survival. From awkward ‘cash-for-play’ offers to phones popping up in places they shouldn’t—let’s talk security, safety, and how not to wreck the vibe (or go to jail).
Shut the F*ck Up!
We love that you’re excited to be at the sex club. We really do. But if you're in the play area talking about your colonoscopy or your kids’ soccer schedule while people are trying to fuck—you’re doing it wrong.In this episode, we tackle one of the biggest vibe-killers at lifestyle clubs: loud-ass people treating the play area like it’s happy hour at Chili’s. From awkward overshares to unsolicited
Out of Your League? Not in the Lifestyle
Think you’re not hot enough for the lifestyle? Too average? Too old? Not what you think people are looking for? Think again.In this episode, we unpack how swinging isn't about being the hottest person in the room—it’s about how you show up. Confidence, vibe, and how you make people feel will get you further than abs or a perfect ass ever will.We will talk about the simple things most people overlo
Is Vanilla Marriage Draining Your Soul?
It’s not always cheating, abuse, or betrayal that ends relationships. Sometimes it’s boredom, avoidance, and pretending everything's fine.This episode is about the normal-looking relationships falling apart behind closed doors—slowly, quietly, and often with no one noticing.What’s even worse, how many of these relationships stay together until someone dies?
Are Humans Wired for Monogamy or Conditioned?
Are humans really meant to be with one person forever?Or is monogamy just a cultural script we’ve all been handed—whether it fits or not?In this episode, we delve into the biology, traditions, and uncomfortable truths surrounding lifelong monogamy. From sex drives and cheating stats to societal pressure and religion, we’re pulling it all apart.As Chris Rock once said, “Men are only as faithfu
We Broke All Our Lifestyle Rules
When we first got into swinging, we had our rules locked in: couples only, same room only, always together.That lasted… maybe two encounters.In this episode, we share how our rules and boundaries evolved over 22 years in the lifestyle—from panic attacks at house parties to hotel takeovers, kink exploration, solo play, and even a surprise second round in a hotel room.If you’re new and trying to fig
How Swinging Made Our Marriage Bulletproof
A lot of couples may try swinging once or for a short period of time. So what made us keep going—and keep growing—for 22 years?In this episode, we share the real reasons we stayed in the lifestyle, from the electric excitement to the deep, unexpected communication breakthroughs swinging created.We also talk about how swinging gave us new ways to keep things fun, adventurous, and even a little comp
How to Crash and Burn in the Lifestyle
In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wrong reasons to get into the lifestyle.We’ll share:Why swinging is not therapyA story about a female half of a couple who got pushed into it before she was readyHow manipulation, imbalance, and desperation lead to disasterAnd what a solid foundation actually looks like before you startIf you’re here to spice things up, great. If you’re here to save someth
Everyone Else Is Just a Toy—Here’s Why
In today’s episode, we’re breaking down the differences between swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and everything in between. We’ll talk about:Why we’re not poly, and never will beThe show Polyfamily and the emotional chaos it showsWhy emotional involvement, “second wives,” and relationship triangles almost never workAnd how swinging—with no emotional ties—is what actually strengthens our ma
Their First Time, Our Shared High
In today’s episode, we’re sharing a real story from a night at our local club.We met a couple who seemed like seasoned pros—but they were holding onto a fantasy that had never actually happened… until that night.We’ll walk you through:How it all started with a casual bar conversationThe surprising truth about this couple’s experience (or lack of it)The moment Vic set things in motionWhat it felt l
Vic Nearly Puked. Dave Dove Right In. Our 1st Time
In this episode, we’re going back to our first time.We’ll tell you:How Vic shocked Dave by signing up for an AFF accountThe couple we met from the next town overWhat really went down that night in our houseAnd how we both felt before, during, and especially afterIf you’ve ever wondered what it’s actually like the first time you swing—this one’s for you.
Swinging Didn’t Fix Us—It Freed Us
In this episode, we’re getting real about how we got into the lifestyle.We weren’t struggling. We weren’t bored.Our sex life was already damn good—maybe too good.We’ll talk about:How curiosity evolved from Real Sex on HBO (yes, we're dating ourselves lol) to pillow talk and playful boundariesWhy communication and honesty were the key from the startHow Dave’s solo habits opened up space for deeper
Messies, Mentors, and Muthafukkin’ OGs
In this episode, we’re kicking things off by sharing why we’re finally stepping up to the mic after 22 years in the lifestyle.We’ll talk about:The couple that mentored us early on and showed us how to actually last in non-monogamyThe moment we realized we couldn’t stay quiet anymore (spoiler: it involved a messy foursome and TikTok drama)And why we’re not your lifestyle gurus—but we are the OGs wh
Welcome to Comin' Out Swinging!
Comin' Out Swinging isn't just about non-monogamy. It’s a raw, real look at modern relationships. We’re Victoria and Dave Arena: together nearly 30 years, married over 24, and swinging for more than 22. This show explores how love, sex, and identity often buckle under the weight of societal expectations, especially monogamy. Subscribe to Comin’ Out Swinging—the podcast that truly redefines "Couple
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