The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne
Weekly insights on children and parenting from Simplicity Parenting author Kim John Payne.
Episodes
#316: Easing Tension Around Homework & Music Practice
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses the daily challenge of getting children to do difficult but regular tasks like music practice and homework. He introduces the "grit sandwich" principle: soft on both ends with firmness in the middle. The approach begins with connection before direction, moving close to a child's world for a few minutes through quiet play, watching their project, o
#312: Balancing a Child's Needs and the Family's Needs
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses a common point of derailment in family life: when a child's impulses and desires collide with the needs of the larger family. He explains that children, especially young ones, lack the prefrontal lobe brain development to naturally see the bigger picture. They cannot easily grasp that a sibling needs to get to soccer practice, a parent has emails
#311: Am I a Governer or an Adviser
In this episode, Kim John Payne offers a quick overview of the Soul of Discipline framework and then focuses on a common confusion in the early years: the difference between being a governor and being an advisor. He explains that during the first seven to nine years, parents serve as the governor of the family state, establishing values, rhythms, and how things are done. Later comes the g
#307: Interview with Laura Carlin: Part One - Decluttering with Love and Intention
In this episode, Kim John Payne welcomes longtime colleague and Simplicity Parenting coach Laura Carlin for the first of a four-part conversation on decluttering. Laura introduces what she calls "the decluttering secret": that how we go about decluttering (our energy, intentions, and self-talk) can be as important as what we choose to keep or let go of. She emphasizes that outer declutter
#303: Going on a News Cleanse
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses how constant news exposure erodes our ability to be present with our children. He explains that modern news cycles, with autoplay, doom scrolling, and half-hourly updates, repeatedly trigger the amygdala even when we're hearing the same story again. Each repetition builds a micro emotional trauma and baseline anxiety that children absorb through a
#299: If Rhythms Need To Change
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how families can navigate changes in rhythms while still preserving the security that predictability provides. He explains that when a regular caregiver is unavailable for bath time or bedtime, previewing the change earlier in the day helps a child take it in and prepare. By letting a child know at breakfast or lunch what will be different that eve
#295: Kindling a Child's Competency
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how small, repeated household rituals build both motor skills and a sense of competency in children. He explains that micro rhythms (the little "hows" of daily life like setting the table, clearing dishes, or preparing for bath time) create more than just predictability and safety. When children perform these tasks in the same way over and over, th
#291: Saying, Feeling & Doing Sorry
In this monthly episode of Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne explores the difference between asking children to say sorry and helping them genuinely make things right. While acknowledging that saying sorry has value, Kim cautions against forcing apologies, which often leads to defensiveness, shame, or empty words. Instead, he invites parents to look beneath the apology and focus on wha
#287: Slow, Low and No Means No
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can set clear, loving boundaries in ways that truly reach their children. He explains that when we slow our speech and lower our tone, children are better able to process what we say and feel our calm authority. Speaking slowly helps a message land without repetition, and a lower, grounded voice communicates steadiness and care rather t
#286: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Five - Anika Reclaims Her True Self
In this final part of the five-part Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens series, Kim John Payne concludes “Annika’s Story,” the true account of a middle school girl learning to reclaim her sense of self after a painful fall from popularity. Following the cheating incident and the loss of her so-called friends, Annika faces deep loneliness and the sting of exclusion. Yet in the quiet of
#285: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Four - The Compromises Anika Makes
In this fourth part of the five-part Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens series, Kim John Payne continues reading from “Annika’s Story,” following the seventh grader as she becomes more deeply entangled in her desire to fit in with the popular group. When Annika’s mother unexpectedly sees her dressed in a way that reflects the influence of her new friends, Annika experiences a moment o
#284: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Three - Anika struggles to fit in
In this third part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne reads aloud “Annika’s Story” from the book he co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. The story follows Annika, a seventh grader who moves to a new school and struggles with the temptation to change herself to fit in with a popular group. At first she is thrilled to be included, but little b
#283: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Two - Helping Children Respond to Teasing Without Reacting
In this second part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne continues exploring how parents can guide children through difficult social experiences. Drawing from Chapter Four of the book, he focuses on helping children understand their emotional reactivity when they are teased or excluded. Through the story of a boy named Tony, Kim illustrates how
#282: The Emotionally Resilient Kid: Part One - Being There When Your Child Feels Left Out
This episode is the first in a five-part series drawn from Kim John Payne’s book Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. As part of the lead-up to his upcoming Emotionally Resilient Tweens & Teens Care Professionals Seminar, Kim begins by exploring how parents can respond when their child is socially struggling, feeling excluded, teased, or left o
#281: Interview with Richard Freed - Part Three
In the final part of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed shift from exposing the harms of persuasive technology to offering practical solutions. Kim introduces the idea of “four connections” as a foundation for a healthy childhood: connection to nature, to friends through real play, to family, and to one’s inner self. Dr. Freed emphasizes the importance of building community among paren
#280: Interview with Richard Freed - Part Two
In the second installment of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed take a deeper look at how powerful interests influence public understanding of screens, particularly through organizations that claim to promote children's health. Dr. Freed describes what he calls the “Silicon Valley exception,” where major health bodies are either aligned with or funded by the tech industry, much like to
#279: Interview with Richard Freed - Part One
In this first part of a three-part fire side style chat, Kim John Payne speaks with leading psychologist Dr. Richard Freed about the growing influence of persuasive design in modern digital technology. Dr. Freed shares how screen-based platforms, especially social media and video games, are intentionally engineered to hijack attention and foster dependency, using principles drawn directly
#278: Sensing the Neeed - Getting Out Ahead Of It
In this episode, Kim highlights the importance of previewing and “getting out ahead” of difficult moments before they escalate. Whether it’s a grumpy morning with a young child or a teenager returning home with restraint collapse, acknowledging the emotional state early can shift the tone of the day. Rather than ignoring frustration or trying to immediately fix it, Kim encourages parents
#277: Choosing Our Battles?
Kim addresses the common parenting dilemma of whether to correct a child’s behavior or let it go. He gently challenges the popular idea of “choosing your battles,” suggesting that framing these moments as battles may not serve the relationship. Instead, he invites parents to see each behavior—no matter how small—as a moment to define family values and build connection. The key, he says, i
#276: When Kids Are Angry They Are Vulnerable - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Five
In the final part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne explores the idea that when children are angry, they are also deeply vulnerable. He reminds us that difficult behaviors often surface when children are overwhelmed, and in those moments, they are not only reactive but also scanning closely for how we respond. Kim uses the image of a “direct conduit” op
#275: Why Screen Time for Kids Makes It Hard For Us - Emotional Self-Regulation - Part Four
In this fourth part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne reviews how screens can disrupt not only a child’s emotional balance but also a parent’s ability to stay centered. He explains how modern screen content is designed to deliver high levels of dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol, making it both addictive and delivering big hits of easily gained reward a
#274: When It All Gets Too Much - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Three
In the third episode of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne offers a practical, compassionate invitation to slow down. He introduces the metaphor of a tap overflowing, a symbol for the mounting pressures and over-commitments many families face. Instead of constantly mopping up emotional “spillage,” Kim encourages parents to reflect on what’s truly essential
#273: What Pushes Our Buttons - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Two
In the second of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne explores one of the deepest challenges for parents: the feeling of being unseen, undervalued, or taken for granted. These emotional triggers can quietly build up, leading to reactive moments that feel disproportionate but are actually the result of accumulated strain. Kim gently encourages parents to take
#272: Self Care - Not Neglecting Our Own Needs - Emotional Self-Regulation - Part One
In the first of a five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne reflects on the quiet power of micro self-care - small, intentional moments that help parents replenish their emotional reserves. He shares how the early demands of parenting often push self-care to the margins, yet carving out even brief pauses to do something nourishing can build a foundation for greater res
#271: If Not Now When - Responding To Requests & Building Up Impulse Control
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores the importance of helping children learn to delay their requests and respect the timing of others. Rather than always responding immediately or brushing kids off with a vague “in a minute,” Kim encourages parents to offer clear, specific guidance on when they can give their full attention. He offers practical phrases and techniques for children of
#270: Aggression Entrapment - How to Work Through Children's Meltdowns
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores a dynamic he calls “aggression entrapment,” where a child’s meltdown becomes a way to secure a parent’s full attention. He explains that frequent meltdowns can signal a child’s need for stronger, more consistent parental presence—not just during crises, but in everyday connection. Rather than becoming entangled in the emotional intensity, Kim sugge
#269: The Art of De-escalation - Walking Away vs Stepping Back
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can navigate escalating situations without making a child feel abandoned. He draws a clear distinction between “walking away” in frustration and “stepping back” with intention. The latter offers a child the reassurance that their parent is still emotionally present, even while taking space to calm down. Kim encourages parents to model t
#268: Helping Older Siblings Feel Secure When a New Baby Arrives
In this episode, Kim shares thoughtful ways to support an older child when a newborn joins the family. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining closeness through physical touch and preserving familiar family rhythms. Parents are encouraged to be intentional about cuddling, storytelling, and small rituals, so that the older sibling continues to feel secure and included. One particularly
#267: Why Teens Can Seem Distant and How to Stay Connected
Kim John Payne offers a view of adolescence by comparing teenage emotions to an artesian water flow. While younger children often express their feelings outwardly, teenagers tend to turn inward. Their emotional lives may seem hidden, but underneath the surface there is a deep, steady movement as they process and explore. Kim encourages parents not to force immediate responses but instead
#266: Giving Children Time and Space to Wonder
Kim reflects on the beauty and importance of slow learning. He invites parents to protect and nurture a child’s natural tendency to wonder, observe, and inquire. Instead of immediately reaching for quick answers through digital means, he suggests creating space for questions to unfold over time. One idea he shares is keeping a “wondering notebook,” where children can write or draw the thi
#265: Children's Big Feelings
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how young children experience emotions as full-body states, rather than isolated feelings they can easily identify and name. He expresses concern about the modern emphasis on naming emotions with young children, noting that their brain development often does not support this level of emotional analysis. Instead of asking children to explain or labe
#264: Another Way to Understand It
Kim offers a fresh perspective on childhood anger, inviting parents to view it as a natural attempt to restore emotional balance. Anger may surface when a child feels powerless, ignored, or overwhelmed, and while it can be loud or disruptive, it is not something to fear. Using the metaphor of a blacksmith’s forge, Kim explains how parents can stay close without getting swept into the heat
#263: The Hidden Treasures of Previewing
In this episode, Kim expands on the idea of previewing as a key parenting tool that brings calm and predictability to family life. He describes two types of previews: larger ones that look ahead to the day or week and smaller, moment-to-moment ones that guide children gently through transitions. Previewing helps children develop an inner picture of what’s to come, which in turn reduces an
#262: The Four "Its" of Problem Solving
Kim shares a simple yet powerful approach for when things are heading in a difficult direction with children. The process includes four steps: calm it down, work it out, put it right, and move it on. He emphasizes that meaningful resolution only begins once emotions have settled, so calming the situation is the essential first step. This might involve quiet presence, gentle touch, or a ca
#261: No. You Do It!
In this episode we hear how to help a child who insists on being helped do things they are perfectly capable of doing themselves, and how to support them in finding ways to problem solve and build greater agency and competency.
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#260: Bed Time Hostage Taking
In this episode we explore why children cling on to a parent at bedtime and refuse to sleep unless they mom/dad/caregiver is laying next to them. As always we hear about ways to help this tendency that mainly relate to establishing times of connection throughout the day.
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#259: Plan B - Helping Tweens & Teens Adjust
In this episode we explore how to help tween and teens develop a plan for when things go wrong and how to adjust in order to keep moving towards their goal.
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#258: Getting Our Timing Right
In this episode we explore how to sense when the moment is right to give a simple day-to-day instruction, or to have one of “those” talks that every parent need to do from time to time.
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#257: Restraint Collapse After the School Day
In this episode we discuss the concept of restraint collapse and the need for decompression points to help children manage their stress. Kim also emphasizes the importance of setting up a predictable and structured after-school rhythms to ease restraint collapse. Additionally, Kim suggested incorporating decompression points and providing a calm environment to help children manage their s
#256: Talking Through Things With Tween & Teens
When issues come up with tween and teens, how can we have conversations with them that help them feel safe to participate and work things through.
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#255: Exaggerating-Amplifying-Conflating
In this episode we explore why children can enlarge their accounts of what happened when things went wrong. We break it down to three tendencies and what we can do to help a child gain a better and more accurate perspective of what happened and how we can work through the trouble spots events to a better understanding.
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#254: Why Kids Whine & What We Can Do To Shift the Habit
Kids who relentlessly complain and whine can often get on a parents nerves no matter how well balanced we are. In this episode we explore why kids whine and what we can do to help them move beyond this habit to feel more seen, heard and connected to a parent.
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#253: Turn Hurting Into Helping & Healing Words & Action
In this episode we explore how to shift hurtful words and actions by calling up the helpful and healing moments that a child, tween or teen brought to those around them, and how this helps us stay well oriented and regulated even in difficult parenting moments.
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#252: How To Avoid Pack up Disasters
In this episode we explore how to prevent over-helping a child clean up their toys and projects, and how this helps them develop agency and competence that will serve them throughout life.
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#251: Talking About Feelings for Children Tweens & Teens
In this episode we will explore how to talk to children, tweens and teens about their big feelings. We’ll see a simple model that shows you how to guide a young child so that they can ground their feelings and a teen be able to better understand their strong emotions, and by doing so you build a stronger attachment bridge and feeling connection with you child.
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#250: Interview with Steve Biddulph Part Three
In the last of this three part series Steve walks us through the skill of conversing with this hidden part of yourself that can help with almost any dilemma or situation. You can teach it to small children. It can help a teenager’s confidence or sense of direction.
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#249: Interview with Steve Biddulph Part Two
In this follow up episode of our special three part series Steve takes us further into how we can use the Wild Creature Mind to and overcome stress, convert anxiety and heal trauma in childhood
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#248: Interview with Steve Biddulph Part One
In this first episode of a special three-part series, Kim John Payne sits down with renowned author and parenting expert Steve Biddulph to talk about his latest book, Wild Creature Mind. This series feels less like an interview and more like a fireside chat between good friends. It is full of warmth, wisdom, and practical insights
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#247: We Can't Prevent the Darkness But We Can Grow Our Kids in the Light
In this episode, Kim explores the profound benefits of providing children and teens with a simple, balanced life - one that serves as a foundation they can rely on when life’s inevitable challenges arise in young adulthood and beyond.
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#246: What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do
In this episode, Kim explores what to do when you’re unsure how to respond to a child’s frustration. He also discusses how to help a child trust their own feelings and experiences, ultimately deepening their trust in you.
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#245: Why Little Kids Can Get Disruptive in Play & What You Can Do
In this episode, Kim explores the developmental stages of play and why children can become disruptive as they move into a new phase of their social play ability. He also shares two very simple and doable ways to ease problematic interactions by slowing down the play.
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#244: Simple Holidays: A Survival Guide No.4
In this episode of the Simplicity Parenting Podcast, Kim tackles two common holiday challenges. First, he offers insights into understanding and easing sibling tensions that can flare up when kids spend more time together.
Then, Kim explores how to keep screen time from creeping upward during the holiday break, sharing practical tips for fostering genuine human connections instead of rely
#243: Simple Holidays: A Survival Guide No.3
In this episode Kim dives into two essential themes to help you navigate the holiday season in our Simple Holidays: A Survival Guide.
First, Kim explores how to let children enjoy the special moments of the holidays without making it feel like one long photo shoot. He discusses the importance of rationalizing the number of photos and videos we take of our children during the Holiday Seaso
#242: SImple Holidays: A Survival Guide No.2
In this episode Kim continues to introduce our Simple Holidays: A Survival Guide. For many of us there is a lot more travel around this time of the year. He explores how to prepare for the increased amount of travel time that many families have during the Holiday Season.
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#241: SImple Holidays: A Survival Guide No.1
In this episode we introduce our Simple Holidays: A Survival Guide. It is a wonderful little collection of podcasts curated by Kim. It provides practical advice and thoughtful strategies to help families manage the unique challenges they experience during the holidays.
Kim also speaks about how to navigate the potential intensity of more closely confined time with extended family members
#240: Play That Prepares Kids for the World That's Coming
The podcast explores... In the polarizing and fragmenting world that lies ahead for our kids they are going to need an ability to pull it all together and to be inwardly organized. “Scripting" is a imaginative play stage that builds these brain capacities. However, the intrusion of fixed overly formed toys and screens is inhibiting the development of these crucial skills.
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#239: Trying to Get it Right VS Getting it Right
The podcast explores... Living in a value based home is so strengthened when we embrace failure as well as success. It is an essential part of a strong family culture that avoids perfectionism and welcomes doing our best.
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#238: Being a Calm Presence When Our Kids Are In Good Shape
The podcast explores... Hanging out with our kids when they are doing ordinary things like homework, playing, or listening to music helps normalize our presence so that we can calmly sit with them when a difficult family situation needs a moment to calm down.
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#237: Why Overtalking to Kids Makes Them Feel Unsafe
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#236: Times of Developmental Change - The Maturity Immaturity Flip Flop
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#235: Five Way To Help Children Do Chores & Home Care
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#234: Helping a Child When They Are Deliberately Provocative
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#233: Helping Children Tune Into Their Inner Messages - Letting Them Be a Little Thirsty or Hungry
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#232: Why? Why? Why? Persistent Questions and What They Really Mean
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#231: Boundaries - Upset Kids Are Emotionally Vulnerable Kids
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#230: Boundaries - Clarify Family Values & Signal to a Child They Are Safe
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#229: Focusing on the Abundance or a LowNo Screen Life Rather Than the Deficit of Not Having Unlimited Screen
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#228: Keeping Stories Special and How to Use Online Story Apps
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#227: The More You Cooperate the More Freedom You Get - The Brain Science and Talking to Tweens & Teens
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#226: Emotional Self Regulation Series - Part Three - Being on the Balcony While Being on the Dance Floor
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#225: Emotional Self Regulation Series - Part Two - The Blacksmiths Forge of Parenting
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#224: Emotional Self Regulation Series - Part One - Open Up Space
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#223: [ special ] Interview with Melanie Hempe
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#222: Separating Being Work Up From the Right Time to Working it Out
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#221: Raising Value Based Kids So They Know When They Cross the Line
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#220: Denying Lying Blaming is Often a Signal That a Child is Overwhelmed - And What We Can Do To Help
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#219: Kids Not Listening to Instructions - Say Backs & Do Backs
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#218: Play Difficulties & Arguments - Dialing Back Through the Play Stages
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#217: Sleep Difficulties - Wake Ups & Nightmares
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#216: Reading Three from The Soul of Discipline
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