Make Your Damn Bed
Make Your Damn Bed is a daily motivational podcast hosted by Julie Merica. Each episode is around 10 minutes and aims to encourage, inspire, and motivate listeners to get out of bed and start their day. The podcast is intended to be played while making your bed every morning, helping to build momentum and better your life.
Episodes
1878 || doing nothing is doing something
This is real. You are real. You reading this is real. Extend the time you have by paying attention to what is real. Even when it's uncomfortable. This is how you reclaim your attention + do "nothing" so you can be more effective at the somethings that are required of you. BUY JENNY ODELL'S BOOK HERE: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/600671/how-to-do-nothing-by-jenny-odell
1877 || unproductive and still worthy
Capitalism has shaped our economies, our politics, and our emotional psychology. A society that puts profits > people will trickle down into our own personal value systems. We will never feel worthy in a culture that only focuses on profit motives. It's time we reshape our social values and the way that we think. TODAY'S RESOURCE: https://madinsouthasia.org/profit-competition-and-owners
1876 || the cost of living is killing yourself to stay alive
Capitalism has turned the natural, balancing, grounding act of creation into just another way to make money. It’s turned every feeling into a hostile takeover of our money making potential. And capitalism exploits our emotions in so many ways to keep us from resisting it. It demands our isolation. We drive in our personal little boxes to our personal little boxes at work where we spend every hou
1875 || emotions are rational, actually
We have been conditioned to believe emotions are irrational, feminine, and something to be suppressed. But rationality and emotionality are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they are intertwined. Without emotions, we would not have any motivation towards rationality. Our assumption that emotions are irrational tends to refer to our reactions to the emotion, rather than the emotion itself. Rationali
1874 || rights don't actually exist
Rights are social agreements. If they can be taken away by the "higher power" at any time, they are not "rights" they are privileges. What constitutes a right changes over time. So, we must fight for and defend the rights of EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME. THEY ARE ONLY MEANINGFUL BECAUSE WE GIVE THEM MEANING. George Carlin on Human Rights Rights vs. Responsibilities: Indigenous Perspe
1873 || expressive emotions vs. suppression
How we display our emotions vary based on where we were born. There are consequences to our cultural influences. https://pressbooks.bccampus.ca/discoverpsychology2/chapter/culture-and-emotion/https://nobaproject.com/modules/culture-and-emotionhttps://www.saranahmed.com/books-1/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/this-is-america/202603/how-social-cultural-and-political-structures-influence-our-
1872 || socialized emotion
The expression of our emotions, the value we put on them, and how we're affected by them is dependent on how we're socialized. The importance we put on certain emotions varies across cultures. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201803/how-culture-shapes-emotionshttps://www.saranahmed.com/books-1/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/this-is-america/202603/how-social
1871 || emotions are manufactured
Emotions feel so internally important, but they are actually impacted by so much more than my personal experience. Our society manipulates our emotions and exploits us through them. https://www.saranahmed.com/books-1/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/this-is-america/202603/how-social-cultural-and-political-structures-influence-our-feelingshttps://medium.com/@v_bhagya/the-politics-of-feeling-
1870 || when our emotions aren't ours
Our emotional states are heavily influenced by the stories we hear, but we tend to forget the narrative and only remember the "feelings". This means we can be influenced by stories that are completely made up. So, we can easily adopt feelings that aren't rooted in reality, but feel so real to us (the feeler), that we start to believe these feelings are facts. Emotions are movable. Th
1869 || emotions are stories that impact our behaviors
We should be paying attention to what emotions DO rather than what they ARE.We assign emotional values to things because of the way we're taught in our culture. Our emotions orient us towards or away from certain bodies. It allows us to justify biases against entire groups of people because it becomes the cultural norm.Unfortunately, there are very bad people who take advantage of this cultura
1868 || the emotion economy
Emotions circulate and accumulate value across our society through repetition. We must pay attention to what these emotions DO rather than what they ARE. We assign emotional values to things because of the way we're taught in our culture. Our emotions orient us towards or away from certain bodies. It allows us to justify biases against entire groups of people because it becomes the cultural no
1867 || empathy isn't a sin
Love should not be harsh or tough. Empathy isn't a sin. It's a crucial aspect to our humanity. If you hear that empathy is a sin, that's a way to avoid the cognitive dissonance necessary to act out of alignment with your morals. Empathy is a central feature in our humanity. You can become more objective and reasonable about your empathy, without abandoning it completely. If your consci
1866 || compassionate empathy
We must incorporate moral reasoning, altruism, and compassion into our empathy. Otherwise, we may end up blinded by biases we can't even see. THE SOURCES: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Against_Empathyhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CompassionSupport the BDS movement.organize clothing swaps with your friends.Get free resources from Annas Archive.Join your local DSABecome a READING PARTNERRead Jul
1865 || the empathy trap
Too much empathy is not always a good thing. Human empathy is highly selective, which means it's not always "fair" or objective. Fortunately, there are ways to be empathetic, more fairly. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-problem-with/202605/the-problem-with-empathyhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Against_Empathyhttps://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200930-can-empathy-be-bad-fo
1865 || when it's all too familiar, make life strange
When things become familiar, we ignore their magic. Defamiliarization is a way to reclaim that magic. It's a way to renew our perception and reclaim meaning. It is the function of art to renew our perception. What we are familiar with we cease to see. The writer shakes up the familiar scene, and as if by magic, we see a new meaning in it. - Anaïs NinDefamiliarization is a literary technique co
1864 || your thoughts aren't real
Your thoughts aren't real until you make them real with your reactions. Don't let them snowball into something worse by giving them more credit than they are due. Learning to detach your attention is a very effective way to reclaim your brain from intrusive thoughts. THE SOURCES:https://psychology-spot.com/thoughts-are-not-real/https://time.com/article/2026/04/27/should-you-trust-your-gut-
1863 || is it anxiety or intuition?
Anxiety yells, intuition whispers. Thoughts are not reality until you allow them to become it. Use discernment and don't act from a place of fear. THE SOURCES:https://time.com/article/2026/04/27/should-you-trust-your-gut-feeling-or-is-it-anxiety/https://psychology-spot.com/thoughts-are-not-real/Support the BDS movement.organize clothing swaps with your friends.Get free resources from Annas Arc
1862 || neurotic needs (official version)
(The previous version was yesterday's episode, I am so sorry! But this is the updated one.)The three broad categories of neurotic needs essentially describe how people can cope with their social experiences. This leads to different personality types that tend to fit into three categories:AggressiveCompliantDetachedTHE SOURCES:https://www.verywellmind.com/horneys-list-of-neurotic-needs-2795949h
1862 || levels of neuroticism
We exist on a spectrum of neuroticism. Naturally, the more self-aware you are, the more anxiety you will experience about you existence. That said, neuroticism is manageable with some intentional redirection. You can learn problem solving skills and practice mindfulness to learn how to cope with discomfort without disconnecting from ourselves completely. THE SOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/h
1861 || put in your 2 cents or end up 2 cents short
We've been conditioned to betray ourselves at every turn, so much so that many of us don't have a clue on what we actually want or who we actually are. We have been taught to self-abandon at every angle, so we can accommodate everyone and everything around us. This self-betrayal is a false security. It's not how the world improves, but it's what we've been taught is necessary f
1860 || questioning yourself
It's not a problem that you didn't know, it becomes a problem if you're not willing to update your understanding based on evidence. Ask for clarification, evidence, and be willing to challenge your assumptions to better understand your ideas. Update your ideas based on alternative viewpoints and the evidence that applies. Don't take it personally if you were previously ignorant (th
1859 || negative thoughts are the "fake news" of the psyche
Core beliefs are our most deeply held assumptions about ourselves and the world around us. They shape our behaviors and our reality. Some need to be challenged and some just need to be ignored. Consider your automatic negative core beliefs as the "fake news" of the psyche. Fact check and challenge them when needed, and ignore what isn't worth being challenged. THE SOURCE:https://positivepsychology
1858 || automatic negative thoughts
cognitive dissonance is unavoidable and sometimes even helpful, but we have to be willing to consciously address the ways we're not aligning with our values so we can be a part of creating the world we want to live in.THE SOURCES: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-dissonance-theory/Support the BDS movement.organize clothing swaps with your friends.Get free resources from Annas Archive.Join
1857 || don't bury the discomfort
Having negative core beliefs doesn't just affect how we see the world, but it affects how the world sees us. We all have rules that guide our behavior and choices. We might not be able to clearly articulate all of them, but they hang around in our subconscious and nudge us towards behavior that is consistent with them. Many are great, some aren't so great but becoming more conscious helps us addre
1856 || we're all hypocrites
A lot of us are forced to make decisions daily that don’t align with our values. Many of us continue working for or otherwise supporting the evil corporation we wish to divest from, or we continue eating factory farmed meat despite wanting to lean into more plant based options, or we spend all day scrolling for companies we don’t want to have our data. I check social media despite knowing it will
1855 || practice disobedience
"We produce machines that are like men and men who are like machines." "Why is man so prone to obey and why is it so difficult for him to disobey? As long as I am obedient to the power of the State, the Church, or public opinion, I feel safe and protected. In fact it makes little difference what power it is that I am obedient to." Erich Fromm: On DisobedienceFollow the BDS movement.How to organiz
1854 || question authority + push back
Practicing disobedience is not an all or nothing strategy. Do what you can when you can how you can. Anything is better than nothing. Reclaim your time where you can, especially at work. Cancel your amazon. Stop buying fast fashion. Learn to mend and sew. Do a clothing swap. Support the BDS movement. Shop local when you can. But don't be hard on yourself if you can't make these changes. Becoming m
1853 || practical guide to resisting the surveillance state
Reject the surveillance state. Trash your Alexa. Drown your ring camera. Reject all unnecessary permissions. Turn off any added access where possible. Stop using google for everyday searches. Poison the "AI" well with false information. Stop relying on algorithms so much.THE SOURCES:https://caitcamelia.substack.com/p/disobey-or-diehttps://caitcamelia.substack.com/p/violence-might-be-the-answerhttp
1852 || rejecting obedience
Disobedience requires courage - not only the courage to break a rule but the courage to stand alone in doing so.Some rules are created for the protection and best interest of everyone following them. They are implemented to keep people following the same procedures and processes so that things can be done effectively, efficiently, or enjoyably. A teacher implements rules because they want to creat
1851 || the mask, the shadow, the animus, the self
Jung had some interesting takes on personality and archetypes, many of which don't hold up today. That said, they are interesting and insightful in other ways. THE SOURCES: https://appliedjung.com/blog/four-steps-to-transformation-in-jungian-psychology-and-gnostic-alchemyhttps://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-jungs-4-major-archetypes-2795439Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Supp
1850 || you are what you avoid
You are not only what you consciously intend. You are also what you habitually avoid, deny, and disown. The shadow is not your enemy, and it is not your identity. It is the place where refused life accumulates, waiting to be integrated into a conscious relationship.Shadow work can support personal growth because it reduces the need for denial and projection. It can also soften the intensity o
1849 || when intentions aren't enough
You're not broken, you're human. And being human is often difficult and contradictory work. Shadow work is grounded in deep internal reflection, not self-optimization. "Jung describes the shadow as containing not only rejected or socially unacceptable impulses, but also normal instincts and creative capacities that have been disowned in the process of adaptation. The problem is not that these impu
1848 || being the "good guy" vs. becoming the villain
Confidence, drive, boundary setting, focus, and self-led intention are considered "bad traits" in a patriarchal society, but they aren't.https://moral-ranking.fandom.com/wiki/Villainshttps://meridianuniversity.edu/content/shadow-work-meaning-in-jungian-psychology-explainedhttps://academyofideas.com/2020/02/how-to-integrate-your-shadow/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support +
1847 || become the villain
One thing I appreciate about the villain archetype is the confidence it implies. Darth Vader isn’t gonna procrastinate because he is too tired or lacks the confidence to start. Bad guys don’t tend to second guess themselves constantly or question whether or not they deserve it. They always deserve it. They don’t give a fuck about anyone else’s approval. https://heroinejourneys.com/healing-jou
1846 || integrate the shadows
We all love the idea of a redemption arc. We love the idea of hitting rock bottom and bouncing up and transforming into a confident, powerful badass permanently. As humans, we tend to see things in black and white, before and after, cut and dry. But it’s important to remember that no timeline or journey or arc is linear. Unfortunately life, and healing, is a messy process. Unfortunately it is
1845 || rock bottom is part of the healing journey
Part of me wants to beat a bitch's ass and part of me wants to shut down completely. This conflict makes us feel bad for feeling bad. We have to learn how to integrate these conflicting feelings. Mental housekeeping is a crucial part of the process."We all go through the healing cycle many times in our lives. It is inevitable that we may be disappointed by others' or by our own behavior at times.
1844 || the healing journey
The healing journey is not linear and it exists in many forms. The healing journey outlined by the Buddhist Library is:HURT. FEAR OR ANGER. FEAR AND ANGER GIVE RISE TO CONFLICTS. LOSS OF LOVE FOR SELF AND/OR OTHERS. ACTIVATION OF THE DEATH OR ILLNESS WISH. LIFT IN LIFE ENERGY.DECISION TO GET WELL WHATEVER THAT MEANS, WHATEVER IT TAKES. &n
1843 || the hero vs heroine's journey
Note: When I speak of women vs. men in this context I don’t do it to reinforce the binary. I don’t believe in the binary, but because we grew up and now exist in a society that reinforces the binary at every turn, I am speaking in regards to how we tend to be raised on gender lines. I hope this will apply to individuals regardless of gender, but when I speak about specific genders being affected,&
1842 || embrace your shadow + become the "villain"
Do no harm but take no shit.Historically, especially under a patriarchal rule, women have been taught to be selfless, self sacrificing, useful, and kind over everything else. The goal is to be seen and not heard. To be pleasant and palatable. While I think those are great virtues and attributes under a normal context, the patriarchy is not a normal context. Our society puts profits over peopl
1841 || at the edge of reason
"Some things are up to us and some are not up to us. Our opinions are up to us, and our impulses, desires, aversions—in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions, our reputations... whatever is not our own doing.” - Epictetus "Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” He also said, "Freed
1840 || navigating agency + uncertainty
A human being is a creature that doesn’t author the architecture in which it chooses from, so it can only act within the possibilities that it is capable of perceiving and expand those possibilities though learning, which can influence but never secure the outcome of their choices and therefore must live inside a permanent tension between agency and uncertainty. Growth is not escaping that tension
1839 || be realistic, expect miracles
be realistic, expect miracles.The universe is chaotic and the more we fight that the harder it is to deal with it. Resistance of that truth is the problem, not the truth itself. When we finally learn to accept the reality that the universe is unpredictable, we stop limiting ourselves to our expectations. I am constantly at war with the reality of the universe. I cling to shit I can’t have and
1838 || get out of your head + into your body
Uncertainty feels unbearable and can send us spiraling, keeping us trapped in our heads. It's important to get out of your head and into your body when this happens.THE SOURCES:https://gsas.harvard.edu/news/coping-uncertaintyhttps://creativemindspsychotherapy.com/2021/10/21/anxiety-happens-when-you-have-no-outlet-for-your-creativity/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + g
1837 || dealing with uncertainty
Emilia Fart has a poem she published on her TikTok in which she said, “When desolate, empty, and inspiration barren, remember the apricot you’ll eat next august, juice running down your chin. Remember lying on your back getting grass stains on your boomers pissing the day away. Remember wiping crumbs of good bread and butter from the corners of your mouth and smirking from the delight. Remember th
1836 || letting karma happen vs. taking compassionate action
We can't ask karma to do compassion's job. Acceptance and action are meant to be utilized together. Learn to separate what must be accepted from what must be changed. Don't make victory a measure of your worth.THE SOURCE: https://blog.dharma-renaissance.org/philosophy/how-to-face-suffering-and-moral-crisis-through-dharma/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonu
1835 || life is unfair so i choose not to be
Nature is indifferent to my interpretations of morality and justice. We humans tend to moralize everything, but not everything has a moral. Every ending doesn’t have to feel like a punishment for bad behavior. This means that some of the most painful things that have happened to you had absolutely nothing to do with your character. You didn’t make mistakes and fail and deserve some painful ou
1834 || we don't know what we don't know
You don't know what you don't know, but the curse is that you think you do.If we make a good choice that works out badly, we are often very harsh on ourselves for making that decision in the first place, even though the results are only obvious after the fact, we will still blame ourselves for not knowing the future. The hindsight bias pushes us to avoid risks, but it also brings undeserved r
1833 || lesson on evidence
Where might your current worldview be holding you back from the truth?THE SOURCES:https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Evaluating_Evidencehttps://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Virtues/Humility/Being_99.9%25_Ignoranthttps://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Exploring_WorldviewsRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: w
1832 || awe vs. focus
We shouldn't be seeking focus, we should be seeking reverence. Depth and fulfillment comes from awe.Our culture is obsessed with optimization, but that only disconnects us from our humanity.Focus keeps us. Reverence stops us in our tracks.Awe makes us more generous, loving, connected, patient, and abundant.Create space for awe by staying present and avoiding avoidance.SOURCES:https://www.scientifi
1831 || strategic anticipation
Our brains are future oriented and this can manifest into anxiety or anticipation if we're not strategic with it.Obviously, our current society has a lot of us focused on survival, which means most of our future thinking is filled with dread and hopelessness. This means we MUST deliberately create anticipation through planning small things that we can look forward to. Looking forward to something
1830 || curse of knowledge
Hindsight is 20/20, but understanding the person you used to be (without the knowledge you have now) is so damn hard. Give yourself some grace in the learning process. You're not stupid, you're learning.SOURCES:https://youtu.be/2y5NfYwoTeo?si=vyyHCtptsSH7zpcjhttps://verybigbrain.com/psychology-thinking/the-curse-of-knowledge-why-experts-struggle-to-explain-simple-things/https://en.wikipedia.org/wi
1829 || avoiding disappointment in relationships
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.THE SOURCES:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/202608/why-people-disappoint-us-in-relationshipshttps://psychology-spot.com/cognitive-miser-definitionhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_misehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streetlight_effectRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.G
1828 || the thinking trap
A policeman sees a drunk man searching for something under a streetlight and asks what the drunk has lost. He says he lost his keys and they both look under the streetlight together. After a few minutes the policeman asks if he is sure he lost them here, and the drunk replies, no, and that he lost them in the park. The policeman asks why he is searching here, and the drunk replies, "this is where
1827 || cognitive misers
the human brain doesn't prefer to expend extra cognitive effort, it will always take a shortcut, where possible. the less you analyze this reality, the more likely you are to fall into "cognitive laziness" which can reinforce stereotypes and keep us trapped in limiting world views.THE SOURCES:https://psychology-spot.com/cognitive-miser-definition/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_miserRead J
1826 || how to forgive (what the science says)
Forgiveness is not an all-or-nothing process. You can partially release by choosing to stop ruminating, and even if you don’t feel entirely at peace yet, it is important to recognize that you have made meaningful progress. Every step you take away from feeling resentment is a step toward your sense of freedom. - Kinga Mnich, PhD 1. Know exactly what you are forgiving2. Commit to forgiving for
1825 || morality is flexible, actually
if morality is flexible and competence is subjective, how can we build self esteem around our values?Your ability to perceive society as "just" also affects your ability to regard yourself.The more internally motivated you are (outside of systemic expectations) the more you have to rely on competence over community + morality judgements.THE SOURCES:https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs
1824 || the key to self respect
Self respect is a practice, not a vibe. Self respect isn't about the big wins making us feel big, but the small, consistent acts that make us feel like ourselves. The more small, value aligned choices we make, the more respect we earn for ourselves.THE SOURCE: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202601/why-self-respect-is-so-powerfulRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and
1823 || on self respect
Self respect has nothing to do with the approval of others, or reputation, but it is about discipline and honesty and doing the brave thing. Facing accountability is self respect. Assessing risks worth taking and taking them, is self respect. Facing the things you've ignored is self respect."It is the phenomenon sometimes called alienation from self. In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the
1822 || forgiveness is a skill
forgiveness requires a willingness to move beyond our negative feelings. fortunately, we are predisposed to heal + forgiveness is a big part of that. we just need to create the conditions to allow our natural mechanisms to function.R — Recall the Hurt: Honestly remember the transgression, without minimizing or maximizing it. This is not rumination but a clear-eyed acknowledgment of what happened a
1821 || forgiveness for selfish reasons
forgiveness isn't excusing harmful behavior, and it surely isn't forgetting. forgiveness is about your personal healing journey. it's not about absolving them, but instead, it's about reclaiming your agency.THE SOURCE:https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-forgiveness/https://www.neurologylive.com/view/neurobiology-forgivenessRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support +
1820 || premature compassion is avoidance
are you avoiding danger or discomfort?To figure this out you can:name the threatidentify your feelingslearn to identify true threats vs. discomfortpractice responding with a stretch rather than reacting with a snap.rehearse new endings to similar storiesIt may take some practice to build up your capacity for peace and safety.THE SOURCE: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbLwPVqOpzH/Read Julie's Mediu
1819 || the self-awareness paradox
Self-awareness is a tool to help you live, not the entire point of living. Every single thing we do, think, and say is a form of spellwork. We are energetic beings who release and absorb energies with every second that passes. Naturally there will be some unavoidable energetic interruptions that we will have no control over, but there are countless forms of energy that we nurture or ignore dependi
1818 || apologies vs. repair
Sometimes the kindest and wisest thing you can do in a relationship is clearly and concisely distance yourself from it until you figure out how to navigate it more appropriately. To develop a robust grief process we must 1. Mourn what is lost. 2. Name what is good. 3. Release what was not. Stepping back, creating distance, and taking space are crucial aspects to the healing process. 
1817 || forgiveness is complicated
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting everything they did and letting them back in. It means you’ve stopped poisoning yourself trying to hurt them.SOURCE:https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692https://envisiontherapydfw.com/forgiveness-isnt-trust-its-releasing-the-burden-they-left-behind/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support
1816 || trust your wings
“And if happiness should surprise you again, do not mention its previous betrayal. Enter into happiness, and burst.” Mahmoud Darwishhttps://psychcentral.com/health/when-joy-feels-scary-resilience-building-practices#tipshttps://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/kmz35o/how_did_you_get_over_the_habit_of_constantly/https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZFuUBNgY9npG08L_36uTE6cvYNBGfT3gMxEmU0/Read Julie's Me
1815 || access the self
The goal isn't to be constantly regulated, but to understand how to regulate so you can cope with disregulation appropriately. It's about building trust with your healing self, rather than being "healed" fully in some "final" way.SOURCE:https://worthyselfcare.com/why-calm-isnt-the-goal-nervous-system-resilience-is/https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/evolution-internal-family-systems-model
1814 || your true self
Our different parts are there to protect the true self, but these parts aren't static, permanent parts there to keep us from ourselves.Through systems thinking + the multiplicity of the mind, we can integrate these parts to center our selves and allow them to act without interference.SOURCE:https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/evolution-internal-family-systems-model-dr-richard-schwartz-ph-
1813 || Internal Family Systems How To
There are no bad parts, only parts that need to be integrated.SOURCE:https://www.enotalone.com/article/mental-health/therapy/10-tips-to-harmonize-your-inner-world-with-ifs-therapy-r13980/https://www.mentallyfitpro.com/c/free-therapy-worksheets/internal-family-systems-worksheetsRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional per
part 2 friction is valuable
This is a re-release.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed
friction is valuable
This episode is a re-release."This is the economy now. Not a distribution of opportunity. A redistribution of friction. But friction isn’t the enemy!!!! It’s information. It tells us where things are straining and where care is needed and where attention should go.And it's not all bad news. Because friction is also where new systems can emerge. Every broken interface, every overloaded professor, e
1812 || Internal Family Systems
In the therapy aspect you tend to work on learning to sit with each of the parts, hearing and respecting their roles, so you can better understand your own system and how to work alongside it. centered self: Compassionate, curious, calm, clear, courageous, confident, creative, connected. Present, patient, playful, persistent, and keeps perspective Exiles: wounded and carrying pain. Aband
1811 || no bad parts
Similarly to the Pixar movie, INSIDE OUT, where her emotions are portrayed as totally different characters that experience different experiences and roles and access different memories. In IFS therapy, they refer to these characters as parts. A majority of your parts will take on protective roles, he uses the example of managers and firefighters, but other parts carry pain or trauma from past expe
1810 || vary some variables
the challenge of the unknown > the disappoint of the familiar you have to change some variables if you're trying a new experimentStudy what you avoid. What makes you scared to act. Defensiveness is often protecting you from something you are afraid to face, but if you face it, you may realize your guard being up against it was the biggest hurdle. Leverage your effort into longte
1809 || choosing your flavor of regret
If you look for the beauty in the world, you will see it in everything. The light, the sounds, the smells, the feelings. If you look for the horrors, you’ll see it in everything, too. Focus on the light so you can create and become more of it. Study what you avoid. What makes you scared to act. Defensiveness is often protecting you from something you are afraid to face, but if you face it, yo
1808 || travel shatters the illusions
Travel reminds you that this ISN'T the only possibility. There are other lives available to you. You CAN do things differently. The world is NOT cold, just because the corrupt politicians are. SOURCE: https://college.taylors.edu.my/en/student-life/news/2025/the-neuroscience-of-travel-how-exploring-new-places-rewires-your-brain.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get som
1807 || recalibrate for true motivation that works
Lasting motivation requires three conditions:A sense of competenceA sense of relatednessA sense of autonomy or the felt experience that your actions are genuinely your ownBut there is a difference between consultative decision-making and approval-dependent motivation. In the first, you gather input and then decide, with the locus of commitment sitting inside you. In the second, the decision itself
1806 || practical guide: dealing with heartbreak 2
Don't resist tough emotions, but don't live there. Provide yourself with more time for REST. Don't stress about productivity at this time. Set FIRM boundaries. Allow space and deal with the withdrawal symptoms. Clear + reset your space. Reflect for future you. Reflect on underlying needs that your choices are compensating for. Show yourself the care + empathy you're s
1805 || practical guide: dealing with heartbreak
Don't resist tough emotions, but don't live there. Provide yourself with more time for REST. Don't stress about productivity at this time. Set FIRM boundaries. Allow space and deal with the withdrawal symptoms. Clear + reset your space. Reflect for future you. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from
1804 || you're a tree, not a billboard
We're trees, not billboards. Understand what YOUR seasons look and feel like, so you can recognize what season you're in and not try to push yourself to a different one, too early. Deante Kyle's Video: https://www.tiktok.com/@deante.kyle/video/7664265185548324126Richard Siken's quote. Psychology Today Article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/flourish-and-thrive/202602/how-can-patience-help
1803 || identity shift first, take action second
It is really fucking hard to change your habits and your actions while believing everything you currently believe about yourself. It’s more effective in the long run to shift your ideas about your identity first, and allow the actions that align with that identity to support this identity shift. To live “like” the person you want to be, you first have to recognize your capability to do so. If I wa
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