Make Your Damn Bed
Make Your Damn Bed is a daily motivational podcast hosted by Julie Merica. Each episode is around 10 minutes and aims to encourage, inspire, and motivate listeners to get out of bed and start their day. The podcast is intended to be played while making your bed every morning, helping to build momentum and better your life.
Episodes
1788: self abandonment in relationships
I tend to neglect myself in relationships so I can focus more on creating peace + wellbeing in others, over my own. A good, healthy relationship will provide space to become more yourself. I have never experienced this. I feel this tendency to erase myself and nurture others with that extra energy. “Love is not staying. Love is showing up. If you cannot stay and show up then what your offering is
1787: my rules for surviving a breakup
don't die. - some days this is finding joy to keep me moving, other days it's simply not dying even though I can't move. don't let shame drive the car. - shame is a violent toddler throwing a very persuasive temper tantrum in the backseat. I have to stop giving that jerk the keys to the car. don't future trip. - if I lost someone I never dreamed of losing I also have to leave space to believe I ca
my tea is scalding: final chapter (the wedding)
He went to a wedding without me. He lied about my dad being sick when people asked about me. He was also regularly asking a woman from work if he could come meet up with her before shifts and after shifts. He had said "I love you" to another woman he sent thousands to for photos. I was devastated. And I spiraled. I hit rock bottom. So I spent a week drilling in. Leaning into the horrors and demons
my tea is scalding: chapter 9 (the coyote returns)
He didn't find it funny, as tricksters rarely do. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie M
my tea is scalding: chapter 8 (more explicit details)
This motherfucker looked me in my eyes and said I promise there is nothing else that will upset you in here. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief
my tea is scalding: chapter 7 (the explicit details)
Today's episode is explicit.... but not as explicit as tomorrow's.This motherfucker looked me in my eyes and said I promise there is nothing else that will upset you in here. That... was a lie. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOU
my tea is scalding: chapter 6 (the coyote: a cosmic trickster)
Coyotes represent a trickster spirit, thank goodness there aren't coyotes in this suburb of Florida. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the
my tea is scalding: chapter 5 (car wash)
I fall asleep ruminating. I wake up ruminating. Things are blinking and flashing on my dash but I can’t figure it out so I just keep trucking. I stop creating. It feels suddenly like math is a farce and chaos and disorder is the only reality. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.
my tea is scalding: chapter 4 (the math ain't mathing)
“I don’t like it when the math ain’t mathing.“ - KENTHEMANI can do anything temporarily as long as there's hope at the end of the tunnel. The problem is, if I can't see that light? I'm gonna be freaking out until I believe there's hope ahead. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makey
my tea is scalding: chapter 3 (money problems)
He lost his job and when I asked how much he had in savings he said "nothing." and I realized everything I knew about this man was a lie. But I loved him more than money. I grew up rightfully being called "trailer trash" and struggling to eat anything fresh or unpreserved. I would happily live on the street with this man. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bon
my tea is scalding: chapter 2 (the cracks)
Today we discuss some of the red flags I missed.I picked my battles carefully and thoughtfully and got a therapist friend to confirm my question: rumination ocd can sometimes disguise itself as intuition. I needed this to be rumination and not true intuition, so I willed it so. Shame is a demon and sometimes she takes over my whole being, so I am working on righting the ship (and not letting
my tea is scalding: chapter 1 (the foundation)
Sorry for the delay, but I'm back... with a very personal story. Mikey has been my BFF since 16. I’m 38. That’s More than half my life.He’s always down for literally anything and will always offer to be the designated driver. He is generous and considerate as hell when he’s trying to be. He was the funniest person I knew before moving to Chicago for comedy and meeting real comics. He’s fun. He’s k
1776 || the default setting doesn't show the full picture
We all worship something, only when we become aware of what we worship can we recognize that the "default setting" isn't always the full picture. There are always alternatives, many of them better than the ones we thought we were stuck with.David Foster Wallace's commencement speech: https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Additio
1775 || this is water
We've talked about this speech before, but today I wanted to share the full thing, for context. We all worship something, only when we become aware of what we worship can we recognize that the "default setting" isn't always the full picture. There are always alternatives, many of them better than the ones we thought we were stuck with. David Foster Wallace's commencement speech: https://fs.blog/da
becoming a better manager
NOTE: this is a rerun of episode 1059 because of some life stuff. I should be back tomorrow!If I’ve learned anything from getting older, it’s that we’re all middle managers of our emotions, our energies, our moods, our feelings, and our experiences.I’ve had a lot of different types of managers in the past that have taught me things about how I showed Innman and by recognizing my own capabilities
1774 || the power of "good enough"
You are good enough. You've always been good enough. You'll always be good enough. There's always more to do, but that does NOT mean you haven't done enough. If we started truly believing that, the economy as we know it, would crumble. And I dunno, maybe that's a good thing. Decentering your "beauty" makes you more beautiful. Do you know how much time, energy, and money can be freed up when you sa
1773 || exploit your own margins
Most people have very small margins. There's very little time/energy/money to focus on anything beyond basic survival. But for those of us with access to any margins (even tiny ones), we must be willing to expound upon them, exploit them, and set ourselves up for even larger ones down the line. Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Listen to a different podcast episode about Jen
1772 || protection in the margins
The most successful strikes, boycotts, resistance, and activism has stemmed from people willing to be brave, think differently, and utilize the protection of the margins they're living in. There are certain privileges that some of us are afforded, that can provide us with a "safety net" of protection in our acts of intentional resistance. As more of our safety nets are removed, we are less protect
1771 || dictatorship of capital
We live in a dictatorship of capital. These "powerful" thieves have ingratiated themselves into every aspect of our existence. For us to push back, we'd need to decenter capital, but the system has set us up to be trapped in it. The key is centering community. Not ourselves. There's a "third space" between escaping completely and participating willingly with the worst parts. Co-creating stability
1770 || the harsh reality
As we become more disillusioned, pay attention to the ways you can push back or pivot or adapt. The reality of our current situation is darker than any of us can imagine, and we need to stop pretending like things can "return to normal" because the "normal" has revealed itself to be unreasonably evil. we must be willing to address the truth now, so we can co-create a better truth moving forward. R
1769 || a reasonable response to an unreasonable request
"If the machine of government is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law." - Henry David ThoreauIn a world that shares none of my values, I must be willing to stand apart from it. It is uncomfortable, but less uncomfortable than assimilating to a culture that is in direct opposition to my personal morality. Ideally, our individual s
1768 || there is a third option
It's not healthy (or "sane") to follow the social norms of an unhealthy (or "insane") society. There is a third (secret) space available for us to boycott, sabotage, and refuse to align with what is wrong with the current "norms" but we have to be willing to look at the world differently to see it. We don't have to decide between escape and compliance. There is a middle ground that can push back a
1767 || contemplate AND participate
Contemplation and participation are not mutually exclusive. We need to create space so we can see reality more clearly and orient ourselves towards what we really want. That said, we cannot renounce the world forever, if we want to be a part of a better one. Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Listen to a different podcast episode about Jenny Odell's book.Read Julie's Medium B
1766 || escape-in-place
The pull to escape is inherent in any of us living in our current hellscape, but what if we escaped-in-place by backing out of the future the ruling class is insisting upon, and instead, tapped into a future of our own creation. Utopia doesn't exist. But a better world is available to those of us who are willing to abandon the current reality that curates harm as a way of control."Peace is an endl
1765 || matriarchy is for everyone
The concept of a matriarchy is far more nuanced and empowering than a basic ass reversal of patriarchal roles. There is a prioritization of balance over dominance, inclusion over exclusion, communal wellbeing over individual accumulation of power, environmental stewardship over endless growth, and a holistic/inclusive approach that considers impact in all areas rather than one. THE SOURCES AND INS
1764 || matriarchy isn't reverse patriarchy
The extent of a society’s development is most clearly reflected in the freedom women enjoy, and in the extent to which they are able to express their creativity. - heide goettner-abendrothTHE SOURCES AND INSPIRATION:The Main Article: Gift Economy https://pediaa.com/what-is-the-difference-between-matrilineal-and-matriarchal/https://www.projectmatrilineal.org/resourceshttps://nativeamericantrib
1763 || the politics of utopia
In the late 60's a bunch of hippie communes popped up across the US, and the ideals were beautiful... but sadly shortlived and often filled with conflict because they focused on escapism instead of true collaboration. If we avoid politics as a way to resist tyranny, we may end up fostering a different form of tyranny. Similarly to the tolerance paradox: Governance can by tyrannical but so can non-
1762 || we are nature + that can save us || imagine a better system
“Stupidity is an attempt to iron out all differences, and not to use them or value them creatively.”“Each such cycle is a unique event; diet, choice, selection, season, weather, digestion, decomposition and regeneration differ each time it happens. Thus, it is the number of such cycles, great and small, that decide the potential for diversity. We should feel ourselves privileged to be part of such
1761 || time banks + mutual exchange || imagine a better system
My friends and I don't "keep score". We help each other when and where we can because we can. This is community. This is the village. We have to decenter "money" exchange where possible, so we can prioritize real care. "Capitalism's incentives are fundamentally backwards. Under this system, you make money by keeping people sick (pharmaceutical companies), by keeping people in debt (financial insti
1760 || community supported agriculture
Today we're talking Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) boxes. Depending on your area, it may be a great way to get fresh food more locally and sustainably, while investing back into your community access points. THE INSPIRATION: https://www.lowimpact.org/posts/replacing-capitalism-the-why-what-how-and-who-of-growing-the-commons-economy/http://localharvest.org/https://newsletters.noticenews.com/
1759 || productivity as maintenance + sustainability
The focus is on repair. There is a necessity of missing out that allows us The focus is on self care. Self preservation. It's also a way to improve and deepen listening. Productivity isn't just producing something new. It's maintenance + sustenance work. It's care work with no "tangible" numbers to track or changes to measure. Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Listen to a di
1758 || time for what we will
The labor movement fought and died for our right to time off to just exist. To do what we will. The gig economy is taking that back with the illusion of "freedom" and I have fallen for it. Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Listen to a different podcast episode about Jenny Odell's book.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over o
1757 || deep listening for attunement
Build an attention holding architecture: where it's safe to simply exist. where you can learn to attune to what matters. Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Listen to a different podcast episode about Jenny Odell's book.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamn
1756 || the usefulness of uselessness
We've been taught to view "productivity" and "worth" and "value" through a capitalistic lens. What if we change our interpretations of these things? What if we start to include "presence" and "experience" as worthwhile ways to be productive and add value to our lives?Get Jenny Odell's Books Here.Buy Jenny Odell's book here.Listen to a different podcast episode about Jenny Odell's book.Read Julie's
1755 || the goal is extraction
The world is so make it about interaction, instead. The attention economy has spent billions making their product irresistible while convincing us it's our idea to be there. Resist your fear of being perceived. Jump timelines and do something different. Get Jenny Odell's Books Here. Buy Jenny Odell's book here. Listen to a different podcast episode about Jenny Odell's book. Read Julie's Medium Blo
1754 || judge your options not your choice
When I act in alignment with my core values I feel more confident but what if the decisions I’m stuck with leave me with no choice but to make choices that don’t align and dont fit my desired values for the future? The beauty of judging the choices I had rather than the decision I made, is that it opens me up to the nuanced reality. It’s not about perfect alignment because that’s not pos
1753 || abandon hope, embrace action
CORE INSIGHTS FROM THE BOOK, "FOUR THOUSAND WEEKS": Embrace finitude: Your life is absurdly short (around 4,000 weeks). Stop trying to “master” time; instead, accept your fundamental limitations.Productivity is a trap: Becoming more efficient only creates more demands, leading to perpetual busyness, not freedom.Choice means sacrifice: Every decision to do one thing means sacrificing countless othe
1752 || control the vessel, not the ocean
We can control our vessel, not the ocean. Life’s default state is a little scary. A little insecure. A little worried. A little vulnerable to the elements. The good news is, those scary vulnerable unavoidable feelings don’t have to be all encompassing and can be made less powerful through direct recognition and balance. The future is still in progress, so I can and should be doing w
1751 || shared leisure + communal rhythm
I'm slowly realizing that the key wasn't to get "more free time for myself", the key is to get "more free time together". The highlight should be: Communal rhythm. Coordinated leisure. Planned connection. Shared ritual. Access the book, Four Thousand Weeks: https://www.oliverburkeman.com/fourthousandweeksThe synopsis of the book, here.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support +
1750 || stay on the bus + prioritize stillness
Build your tolerance for "chill" and "ease" by scheduling it. Prioritize doing nothing productive. Seek out ways to create that don't have a "payoff" and make it anyway. My addiction to "motion" to "movement" to constant "stimulation" is normal, daily tasks feel like a physically painful burden. Consider discipline as a form of devotion, not a form of punishment. Access the book, Four Thousand We
1749 || stop reading for profit and partying for connections
When work became “the real point of existence,” leisure's purpose became for “recovery and replenishment.” This meant the whole of life was valued for something else, in the future, not for itself. Accept that everything is random and impossible to predict. The only part of time that is "our business" is the present moment. Access the book, Four Thousand Weeks: https://www.oliverburkema
1748 || not committing is a commitment
The human experience is finite, but that is terrifying. So we distract ourselves. We convince ourselves that if we just "do everything perfectly all the time" we can avoid the painful reality of life's limitations. But refusing to make a choice is a choice. Not committing is a commitment.Not settling is settling. There's some shit you'll never get to. There's some shit you'll never do perfectly. B
1747 || slow down, you're doing fine
“A world which increasingly consists of destinations without journeys between them, a world which values only ‘getting somewhere’ as fast as possible, becomes a world without substance.“ - Alan Watts When convenience drains an activity of its meaning, it becomes less valuable. - Oliver BurkemanAccess the book, Four Thousand Weeks: https://www.oliverburkeman.com/fourthousandweeksThe synopsis o
1746 || the efficiency trap
“Modern industries thrive on offering convenience, eliminating “pain points” or “friction” from daily life. Uber, Apple Pay, and food delivery services smooth out mundane chores. However, this smoothness is a dubious virtue." When convenience drains an activity of its meaning, it becomes less valuable. Access the book, Four Thousand Weeks: https://www.oliverburkeman.com/fourthousand
1745 || “how chill can I be while I do this?"
“You pity the moth for confusing a lamp for the moon but here you are confusing a screen for the world.” - JAY ALTO “The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day." - David Foster WallaceDavid Foster Walla
1744 || your sign to do some arts + crafts (and go play)
We know that Breathwork, nourishment, sleep, and a safe environment regulate your nervous system. Play regulates your nervous system, too. Touch regulates your nervous system, sensory deprivation does too.Nature regulates your nervous system, so does being around community. Travel regulates your nervous system, and so does returning to your home. Routine can regulate your nervous system, and
1743 || when to stop analyzing
The goal is conscious choices > conditioned responses. Our society bases it’s values on exploitation, violation, and extraction - and we’ve been letting that society convince us of what parts of ourselves are palatable, acceptable, and welcome. But we can’t depend on a broken society to share wisdom to make us less broken. You get to prove it’s safe to “decide” for yourself what parts of y
1742 || future rehearsals
Don't forget to rehearse the best case scenario for every worst case scenario rehearsal. S - Stop! - Freeze! Your emotions may try to make you act without thinking. Stay in control! T - Take a step back! - Take a break. Let go. Take a breath. Reevaluate. O - Observe! - Notice what is going on inside and outside. What is the situation? What are your thoughts and feelings? What are others saying or
1741 || take back the wheel
Make a commitment to drop your usual escape methods as soon as you notice yourself doing them, and redirect. Maybe that looks like doing the opposite action, or it could be something subtle you do mentally, or say out loud to yourself, or write down, or tell someone else about. Today's resource is accessible here and here. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get so
1740 || practice not getting swept up
Practice, patience, and persistence is required to reinforce the neural pathways you'd rather reinforce. Some distress is unavoidable, and you are fully capable of dealing with distress. Balance improving + acceptance. When you feel yourself self soothing with something negative, redirect. Practice creating space between your immediate reaction and your actual response. Show your brain it's safe t
1739 || ride the wave
Coping with stress? No thanks. Avoiding stress? Yes please. I tend to use a combination platter of situational avoidance, numbing, reassurance seeking, over-planning, constant checking, and more! That said, it only creates more of a mess for me down the road.Something that has helped me sit with myself more honestly is to recognize that emotions and uncomfortable feelings come in waves. I can lear
1738 || when discomfort feels impossible
The more we fear, struggle with, and try to avoid any form of distress, generally the worse that distress gets. Distress intolerance remains due to certain beliefs they have developed about experiencing negative emotions. These beliefs tend to centre on the notion that negative emotion is bad in some way, unbearable, unacceptable, or will lead to disastrous consequences. These beliefs tend to
1737 || distress intolerance
Today's resource is accessible here. A negative emotion in itself is not necessarily distressing, we only begin to feel distressed when we evaluate our emotional experience as a bad thing.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIK
1736 || when your nervous system gets interrupted
Seeing traumatic symptoms as an interrupted natural response and as unreleased energy in the body rather than a disease can lift a burden for traumatized people. - Daniela Ramirez-DuranNoticing Physical Comfort – Feeling physical support and experiencing your physical boundaries in a safe space can bring feelings of comfort.Self-Soothing Touch – Boundaries are usually broken with tr
1735 || somatic exercise
Somatic Experiencing is a therapy that focuses on the mind-body connection to help alleviate trauma-related tension stored in the body.https://positivepsychology.com/somatic-experiencing/https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Facing-Your-Feelings/Facing-Your-Feelings---01---Understanding-Distress-Intolerance.pdfRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support +
1734 || escaping a shame spiral
You can't outrun 'em, but you can revise your interpretation and your response, and that’s not for nothin’.Access today's episode on Julie's Medium Blog.Shame spirals, or negative feedback loops are chain reactions starting with: The Trigger: something spurs a sense of emotionally activation or vulnerability; perhaps through a rejection, a crossed boundary, or a mistake.The Story: immedi
1733 || healthy shame is not a threat
It’s not about eliminating all sources of shame, but aligning with the confidence that you’re able to handle it effectively. In the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw, he compares shame to a “demonic” presence that takes over our whole being. I think this is a valuable analogy, because the presence leaves very little room for our conscious response, if we don’t recognize
1732 || authenticity is a practice, not a discovery || heal the shame that binds you
you're not "finding" an authentic self, but rather, practicing ease and comfort when you feel it. "as soon as she touches the water, she is immediately transformed into the most graceful creature." find the water of your own belonging. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and
1731 || love yourself unconditionally || heal the shame that binds you
dealing with rejection can feel impossible for people with internalized, toxic shame. there are rarely absolutes. life exists mostly in the gray area. not all good and not all bad.people will go to extremes to avoid toxic shame, so they will force themselves to make it "either/or" when it may be healthier to think that things are "both/and"it comes back to giving your "true self" unconditional lov
1730 || decenter your mistakes || heal the shame that binds
When you make a mistake and feel vulnerable, the best response is to acknowledge and repair. Don't harbor more shame. The mistakes are inevitable. You highlighting them makes the mistake seem like something worth worshipping, not something to learn from. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.
1729 || making mistakes doesn't mean you are one
stop being so hard on yourself!! YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKES. Mistakes are simply feedback. Listen, take responsibility when needed, and adapt!!!! It's all part of the process. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get
1728 || positive brainwashing || healing the shame that binds you
You really are worth it. There has never been anyone like you. Nor will there ever be anyone like you again. You are unique, unrepeatable and of precious worth. - John Bradshaw John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Ge
1727 || common thought distortions
common cognitive distortions among shame-based people include: catastrophizing, mind-reading, all-or-nothing or either-or thinking, personalization, blaming, global blaming, filtering, cognitive bias affirmations, control thinking fallacies, "should" thinking, over generalizations, etc. to combat this we must: become active listeners, abandon comparison, abandon "shoulds" and absolutes. focus on c
1726 || grief work || healing the shame that binds you
Grief work: identify, build awareness, re-route with corrective responses. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE
1725 || set your own anchor + ride the wave
Shame spirals tend to attach themselves to certain triggers or anchors we have created from our past experiences. If we are able to create safe, corrective anchors to attach to these triggers, we can avoid the spirals and instead, learn to ride the waves. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog
1724 || delayed grief || healing the shame that binds you
delayed grief is how we end up creating false selves. it's our job to grieve fully, so we can release the attachments to our denial. connectedness, validation, and support are the way through. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff ov
1723 || connection is the antidote || healing the shame that binds you
in order to be healed, we must come out of isolation. identity formation is a social process, so unraveling toxic shame is also a social process. - John BradshawJohn Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional
1722 || you gotta feel it to heal it || healing the shame that binds you
As long as our shame is hidden, there is nothing we can do about it. “The only way out is through.” "Embracing our shame involves pain. Pain is what we try to avoid. In fact, most of our neurotic behavior is due to the avoidance of legitimate pain. We try to find an easier way. This is perfectly reasonable. In the case of shame, the more we avoid it, the worse it gets. We cannot change our “intern
1721 || when the emotion becomes addictive || healing the shame that binds you
"Being nice is primarily a way of manipulating people and situations." - John Bradshaw"Perfectionism flows from the core of toxic shame. A perfectionist has no sense of healthy shame; he has no internal sense of limits. Perfectionists never know how much is good enough. Perfectionism is learned when one is valued only for doing... Condemning others as bad or sinful is a way to feel righteous. Such
1720 || our culture of shame || healing the shame that binds you
Our culture does not handle emotions well. We like folks to be happy and fine. We learn rituals of acting happy and fine at an early age. I can remember many times telling people “I’m fine,” when I felt like the world was caving in on me. Toxic shame is true agony. It is a pain felt from the inside, in the core of our being. It is excruciatingly painful. - John Bradshaw John Bradshaw's websit
1719 || shame spirals
Sometimes, "“I feel shame” comes to mean “I am shameful, deficient in some vital way as a human being.” Shame is no longer one feeling among many, but comes to constitute the core of oneself. Internalized shame creates a frozen state of being. Shame is no longer an emotional signal that comes and goes. It is a deep, abiding, all-pervasive sense of being defective as a person. This core of defectiv
1718 || generational shame || book club
We can't heal what we don't feel. Unfortunately, one of the greatest powers of toxic shame is that it creates automatic, unconscious defenses: like Idealization, repression, denial, dissociation. So most people don't heal this shame and end up passing it down to their children, through hierarchal power structures, coercion, and denial. Dysfunctional Family Rules: Chaos or Control, Perfectionism or
1717 || when shame is a demon || book club
The more one experiences shame, the more one is ashamed, and the beat goes on. It is this dead-end quality of shame that makes it so hopeless. But it's not hopeless, it just feels like it.“Without feeling, nothing matters, and with feeling, anything can matter.” - Silvan TompkinsWhen you internalize toxic levels of shame, you create a "false self" to cope. It takes lots of energy and hard work to
1716 || book club || healing the shame that binds you
“Without feeling, nothing matters, and with feeling, anything can matter.” - Silvan TompkinsWhen you internalize toxic levels of shame, you create a "false self" to cope. It takes lots of energy and hard work to live a false self.John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the sh
1715 || regular shame vs. toxic shame
Toxic shame is a deep feeling of worthlessness and self-hatred often starting in childhood due to trauma or neglect. Deconstructing internalized toxic shame is an intense and overwhelming process, but it's a rewarding one. Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal
1714 || "thawing out" from a freeze state
Analysis paralysis is a natural response to stress, but there are many ways to manage it.Respect the "thawing" process: this takes time. Ground yourself: breathing exercises, noting exercises, etc. Practice physical release: dance, shake, sing, yell, etc. Get therapeutic help: Practice healthier coping skills, uproot deeper issues. Read the PsychCentral article. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JU
1713 || imperfect action > inaction
Inaction is not neutral. I know I’m capable of great things but I am too afraid to do anything I want to do because it is easier to do nothing.It feels safer to do nothing but it’s not. Inaction is not neutral. Just because I can’t solve every problem doesn’t mean I can’t solve any of them. Its easy to criticize the problems and the issues and the systems even, and blame my inaction
1711 || why the war
This war is a ponzi scheme by people who use "rapture accelerationism" as a manipulation tactic. People ARE resisting, but we need to address what's really happening if we want to resist it properly. Professor Jiang's "Predictive History" Youtube. Wikipedia on Professor Jiang Xueqin Penn Live article on Jiang's predictions. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some b
1712 || keep me kind
Having a broken heart means you still have a heart. Feeling painful feelings means you can still feel. It's all part of the process of processing. "Keep my anger from becoming meanness.Keep my sorrow from collapsing into self-pity.Keep my heart soft enough to keep breaking.Keep my anger turned towards justice, not cruelty.Remind me that all of this, every bit of it, is for love.Keep me fiercely ki
1710 || bell hooks || men aren't the enemy
"By highlighting psychological patriarchy, we see that everyone is implicated and we are freed from the misperception that men are the enemy. To end patriarchy we must challenge both its psychological and its concrete manifestations in daily life. To end male pain, to respond effectively to male crisis, we have to name the problem. We have to both acknowledge that the problem is patriarchy an
Recommended
13 Again
1440 Explores
1490 Doom - Lore Series Podcast
15 MINS OF FAME
15 Minute Mysteries: The Deep Dive
15 minutes de grâce et de vérité
15 Minutes of Infamy
15 Minutes with Jesus: Christian Meditation, Guided Prayer, Bible Study, Emotional Healing, Devotional, Hear God’s Voice
1856 Podcast-YMCA of South Hampton Roads
19 Keys Presents High Level Conversations
오늘 미국은
0xResearch
