Therapy For Gay Men
Therapy for Gay Men is a psychology and relationship podcast hosted by Michael Pezzullo, a licensed therapist and coach specializing in the mental health and relational experiences of gay men. Each episode explores hidden psychological patterns shaping attraction, intimacy, sexuality, self-worth, masculinity, dating, relationships, emotional regulation, and identity. New episodes are released weekly.
Episodes
Chemsex Almost Ruined Him, Then He Won Mr Gay World
He won Mr Gay World 2025 — but before the crown, Giulio Spatola was fighting chemsex.Licensed therapist Michael Pezzullo sits down with Giulio for an unfiltered conversation about addiction, shame, and what recovery actually takes for gay men.In this interview, Giulio shares his personal journey through chemsex, what kept him trapped in the cycle, and how he rebuilt his life to get clean. We go be
LGB vs TQ: Should We Separate? | Ronan McCrea
Has the gay rights movement gone too far? Michael talks with Ronan McCrea about why some gay men are walking away from TQ activism — and whether LGB and TQ advocacy still belong under the same political umbrella.👉 Work With Michael: https://www.michaelpezzullo.com/work-with-meRonan explains why persuasion, coalition-building, and support from straight people were central to the success of the gay
A Detransitioner’s Warning to LGBT Youth
Simon B. Amaya Price once identified as transgender and lived socially as a woman. Today, he has detransitioned—and he has serious questions about how he got there.In this conversation, Simon describes the role therapists and medical professionals played in affirming his gender identity as a young person, the resistance he encountered from his parents, and the extraordinary pressure his family say
Why Were We Lied to About Marsha P. Johnson?
A few months ago, I stumbled across a reel on Instagram that caught my attention because it was a gay man saying something he apparently wasn’t supposed to say: Marsha P. Johnson didn’t throw the first brick at Stonewall.That opened a much bigger conversation. Why did that story become so widely repeated? Why is challenging it treated as taboo? And what does that tell us about who gets to shape ga
Why Gay Men Go to Extremes to Feel Connected | Johann Hari
Why do some gay men go to such extreme lengths to feel connected?I sat down with bestselling author Johann Hari to talk about loneliness, addiction, shame, sex, validation, social media, appearance culture, and the deeper psychological needs that drive destructive behavior. We explore why people can chase connection through sex, success, attention, substances, and external approval—and still end u
Matthew Vines Reveals Why More Gay Men Are Rejecting "Queer"
A few weeks ago, Matthew Vines and I were complete strangers.Then we both found ourselves in the middle of the same controversy for saying something pretty simple: we prefer to be called gay—not queer.What interested me most wasn’t the label itself. It was what happened when we challenged a narrative that people assumed we were supposed to accept.The public reaction was intense. The private reacti
Can You Be Gay and Asexual? Understanding Arousal, Attraction & Sexuality
Can you be gay and asexual?In this episode, I break down what it can actually mean to be both. Asexuality doesn’t necessarily mean having no arousal, no fantasies, or no sexual life. For some people, arousal may show up more through fantasy or solo sexuality, without the same drive to direct that sexual energy toward another person.We’ll also explore why someone can still clearly experience their
Should Gay Men Be “Normal” About Pussy?
Are gay men allowed to define our own sexuality? I react to a provocative article about gay male attraction and discuss why its framing taps into longstanding stereotypes about gay men.Gay men have spent decades fighting the idea that there’s something wrong, dirty, or deviant about our sexuality. In this video, I explain why gay men should be able to challenge those stereotypes wherever they appe
I'm Gay -- not "Queer." Here's Why.
My “gay, not queer” post sparked a much bigger reaction than I expected. But this episode isn’t about rehashing the argument.Instead, I’m talking about what the backlash got me thinking about: why so many gay men struggle to use their voice.We’re often taught early to stay agreeable, avoid rejection, and be the “best little boy in the world.” But what happens when that follows us into adulthood—an
4 Hidden Reasons Gay Men Struggle to Stay Hard
Why do so many gay men struggle to stay hard—even when they’re attracted to the person they’re with?In this episode, gay men’s therapist Michael Pezzullo breaks down four overlooked psychological causes of erection difficulties and performance anxiety, including the impact of past sexual experiences, pressure to “perform,” overstimulation, and avoidance.Losing an erection does not automatically me
5 Reasons So Many Gay Men Think They’re Bad at Sex
Why do so many gay men walk away from sex convinced they performed badly—even when nothing actually went wrong?In this episode, therapist Michael Pezzullo explores five reasons gay men often mistake anxiety, insecurity, and unrealistic expectations for being “bad at sex.” From getting stuck on negative experiences to comparison and performance pressure, these patterns can turn sex into an evaluati
5 Penis Facts Every Gay Man Should Know
Most gay men have never been taught what a normal penis looks like—or how a healthy erection actually works. Instead, we compare ourselves to porn, unrealistic expectations, and a culture that often turns sex into a performance.In this episode, I break down five penis facts that every gay man should know. We talk about why most men are growers, why bottoms don't have to stay hard, why erection
I Met My Husband 5 Months After Rehab
One of the most common pieces of advice in recovery is simple: don't date during your first year sober.I didn't follow that advice.Five months after leaving rehab, I met the man who would eventually become my husband.In this episode, I share the story of how we met, what my life looked like at the time, and why this experience challenged some of my assumptions about healing, relationships,
Why Gay Men Feel Empty After Sex
Why do so many gay men feel empty after sex?A lot of people assume the problem is the sex itself. But in many cases, the emptiness comes from hoping sex will provide something it was never designed to give us.In this episode, I explore four reasons gay men often feel disappointed, lonely, or unsatisfied after sex. We'll discuss unmet emotional needs, self-abandonment, validation-seeking, and w
Why do so many gay men fall for narcissists?
In this episode, I break down four reasons narcissistic men can feel so compelling—from love bombing and idealization to validation wounds, attraction to certainty, and the cultural traits that often make narcissistic defenses appear attractive.More importantly, we'll explore why these relationships often become a pattern and what they may be revealing about your deeper emotional needs.If you&
Why do so many gay men fantasize about straight guys?
Spotify Episode DescriptionWhy do so many gay men fantasize about straight guys?Most people assume it's because straight men are more masculine, more confident, or simply harder to get. But the psychology is often much deeper than that.In this episode, I explore why straight men can become such powerful fantasies for gay men, how these attractions are often connected to validation, childhood e
Why Gay Men See the Red Flags — And Stay Anyway
Why do so many gay men stay in relationships that clearly aren't working?The truth is that most people don't miss the red flags. They see them. The challenge is understanding why we ignore them.In this episode of Therapy for Gay Men, I explore the deeper psychology behind unhealthy relationship patterns, including why emotional unavailability can feel attractive, why inconsistency can beco
Why Gay Men Still Don't Trust Colton Underwood
Why do so many gay men remain skeptical of Colton Underwood years after he came out?In this episode, I explore the psychology behind authenticity, trust, and the false self. Using Colton as a case study, we discuss why revealing the truth is often just the beginning of rebuilding trust—and why some public figures continue to feel inauthentic even after they've come clean.Topics include identit
The Psychology of Bathhouses: What Gay Men Are Really Looking For
Bathhouses are one of the most misunderstood spaces in gay culture. Some men experience them as liberating, exciting, and deeply affirming. For others, they can become a place where loneliness, avoidance, or emotional disconnection quietly play out.In this episode, I explore the hidden psychology behind why gay men go to bathhouses. We look beyond the usual debates about whether bathhouses are &qu
Are Daddy–Twink Relationships Healthy? A Gay Therapist's Take on Age Gaps
Age-gap relationships are one of the most debated topics in the gay community.Some people see them as empowering. Others see them as inherently problematic. But as a gay men's therapist, I think the conversation is often missing the nuance that actually matters.In this episode, I explore three important realities that can help us better understand daddy–twink dynamics and age-gap relationships
Gay Men and Ghosting: 4 Reasons He Disappeared (And What It Really Means)
Ghosting has become so common in gay dating that many men assume it means the other person wasn't interested, found someone better, or simply didn't care.But in reality, the reasons men disappear are often far more complicated.In this episode, I break down four of the most common reasons gay men ghost—including avoidance of difficult conversations, attachment wounds, shame, and the tendenc
Green Flags in Healthy Gay Relationships
What actually makes a healthy gay relationship feel emotionally safe, connected, and sustainable?In this episode, licensed therapist and coach Michael Pezzullo breaks down some of the most important green flags many gay men overlook while dating — especially in cultures that often prioritize chemistry, excitement, appearance, validation, or emotional intensity over genuine compatibility and emotio
Why Some Gay Men Use Sex to Regulate Emotion
Why do so many gay men use sex to regulate emotions like loneliness, anxiety, shame, insecurity, or rejection?In this episode, licensed therapist and coach Michael Pezzullo explores the deeper psychological role sex can begin to serve when emotional needs, attachment wounds, self-worth struggles, or unmet intimacy needs remain unresolved.This conversation goes beyond simplistic discussions about h
Why Gay Men Sabotage Healthy Relationships
A lot of gay men think they’re simply attracted to the “wrong guys.” But what if it’s not attraction at all?In this episode, Michael Pezzullo explores why so many gay men feel emotionally pulled toward partners who don’t fully choose them — and how those patterns are often rooted in early experiences of needing to earn acceptance, validation, love, or emotional safety.This conversation breaks down
Why Many Gay Men Stay Single
Why do so many gay men struggle to find lasting relationships — even when they deeply want connection?In this episode, licensed therapist and coach Michael Pezzullo explores some of the most common psychological patterns that keep gay men stuck in cycles of loneliness, emotional unavailability, hyper-independence, perfectionism, validation seeking, and unstable dating dynamics.This conversation go
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