Real Adult Wisdom-Live In Confidence
Real Adult Wisdom is a podcast hosted by Becky Shaffer that blends humor and seriousness to explore personal transformation. Each episode focuses on building unshakeable confidence, self-discovery, and practical strategies for living a life you love. The show aims to reignite passion and help listeners redefine their paths with relatable topics that affect everyone.
Episodes
I have to Keep Everyone Happy
Do you feel responsible for keeping everyone happy—even when it costs you your own peace? In this episode of Real Adult Wisdom, we uncover the hidden “should” behind people-pleasing, why we fear disappointing others, and how to set healthier boundaries. With honest conversation, a little humor, and practical Becky Tools, you’ll learn that you can care about people’s feelings without taking full re
I Should Be Over It By Now
How many times have you told yourself, "I should be over this by now?"Whether it's the pain of a breakup, the loss of a loved one, childhood trauma, betrayal, a dream that didn't work out, or simply the life you thought you'd have, many of us place unrealistic deadlines on our healing.In this episode of Words That Keep Us Stuck, Becky Shaffer explores why healing isn't me
I Should Be Further Along
In this episode of Real Adult Wisdom, Becky Shaffer explores the invisible timelines we create around money, relationships, purpose, healing, and success. She shares her own experience of moving her entire life at 50 and learning that starting over does not mean starting behind.You’ll also walk away with the Timeline Audit, a simple tool to help you stop measuring your life against someone else’s
Stop Shoulding Yourself
Stop Shoulding Yourself. Words That Keep Us Stuck: The “Should” SeriesHow often do you catch yourself saying, “I should have known better,” “I should be further along,” or “I should say yes”—even when something inside you is telling you no?In this episode of Real Adult Wisdom, Becky Shaffer explores the emotional weight behind the words “I should” and “I should have.” Sometimes these phrases point
Nobody Prepares You for Life 2.0
In Episode 1 of the Life 2.0 series, Becky Shaffer opens the door to the honest, raw, and deeply human experience of starting over in midlife. This episode is not about having it all figured out. It is about what happens when the life you built shifts, the roles you played begin to fall away, and you are left asking, “Who am I now?”Through empty nesting, heartbreak, loss, healing, and reinvention,
The Conditioning of Nice: Why Women Struggle to Advocate for Themselves
Becky Shaffer, author of The Why Not Me? Concept and Solari, author of The Sacred Undoing, bring raw, honest conversations to the podcast as they sit down with guest Paula Mathias, author of Speak Up. Together, they unpack why so many women struggle to advocate for themselves, the conditioning that keeps women silent, and the powerful steps women can take to reclaim their voice in their careers, r
Real Change Starts in the Brain
In this episode of Real Adult Wisdom, we’re talking about what actually has to shift neurologically before your habits, boundaries, confidence, and clarity can shift in real life.Dr. Lisa Riegel has spent over two decades studying how the brain drives behavior, and more importantly, how we can work with it instead of constantly fighting against it.She’s an educator, researcher, author, and someone
When Your Living Environment Doesn't Match Who You Are Becoming.
We are excited to have Kim Costa, AS FEATURED on HGTV, ABC, Atlanta Magazine, and Opeal, join our show. Growth isn’t just about mindset; it’s about alignment. When your living environment doesn’t match who you’re becoming, your body feels it first. On Real Adult Wisdom, we’re exploring how aligning your space, routines, and daily life with your soul creates real, sustainable change—not just motiva
What Reading Cards Really Means
“What if card reading wasn’t magic—but a mirror? On Real Adult Wisdom, we explore tarot, intuition, and personal growth in a real, grounded way. No hype. Just reflection, awareness, and the courage to ask better questions. Tune in.”
One Size Doesn’t Fit All: An Honest Conversation About Education
In this episode of Real Adult Wisdom, we sit down with Dr. Lee for a thoughtful discussion on education, systems, and student-centered learning. Drawing from lived experience and professional insight, the conversation explores how education can better recognize diverse pathways, support real-world readiness, and respond to the needs of students, families, and educators. While perspectives may diff
New Year's Resolutions: Why you shouldn't set them, and why you should
When change is rooted in self-rejection, it becomes a form of punishment rather than growth. Growth that starts in shame rarely lasts. (And Why Shame Is a Terrible Life Coach) Let’s start with a hard truth:Most people don’t fail at change because they lack discipline. They fail because they try to build a better life on top of self-rejection. And self-rejection is not a strong foundation. It’s qui
Transformation, Courage, and Becoming who you were always meant to be.
This episode of Real Adult Wisdom is not about overnight success or perfectly packaged stories. Becky Shaffer and Deborah Yager come together to speak candidly about where they began, what they endured, and how they built their lives one piece at a time. There were doubts, detours, setbacks, and moments when quitting would have been easier—but they didn’t. They are self-made, but not untouched by
Stories That Changed Us.
Tonight feels special. I’m sitting down with Scott Neff, and together we’re talking openly about what it really takes to write a book—the fear, the healing, the courage, and the moments that cracked us open. This isn’t just about the pages we wrote. It’s about the lives we lived to write them.
Life In One Shott
Jen Hendershott, world champion athlete, coach, and now author — "Life In One Shott", bringing raw honesty, resilience, and real-life wisdom. Becky Shaffer, educator, coach, podcast host, founder of www.liveinconfidence.com, and author of "The Why Not Me? Concept", a transformative book on healing, worthiness, and reinvention. Together, they sit down to talk about what it means
Why Holidays Hit Hard After Life Changes
We all know the script: Holidays are supposed to feel warm, familiar, and comforting. We see it on the Hallmark movies, we hear it in the carols. But what happens when that script no longer matches your reality? Perhaps your life has undergone a significant change—a divorce, a profound loss, a major relocation, or an unexpected shift in identity. When that happens, the holidays no longer feel like
How to Navigate Endings and Reinvention Seasons
Endings have a way of shaking everything we thought we knew about ourselves—our roles, relationships, routines, and identity. In this episode, Becky Shaffer dives into the emotional and psychological terrain of reinvention seasons—those in-between chapters when who you were no longer fits, and who you are becoming isn’t fully clear yet.We explore what it really means when:An identity endsA role di
Holiday Grief & The Spaces No One Talks About
The holidays can feel magical… but they can also magnify the cracks we work so hard to hide.Grief doesn’t just come from loss through death — it shows up in endings, distance, changed traditions, kids growing up, and the versions of ourselves we had to let go.Tonight, we’re talking about the hidden spaces of holiday grief — the ones no one warns you about but so many of us live through.If this sea
The Rise and Rewrite Series: Why so many driven people are secretly suffering
Ambition can be a coping mechanism. Many of us were taught to achieve our way into worthiness, to produce our way into safety. So we become leaders, healers, entrepreneurs, top students—pushing ourselves to excel while abandoning our own bodies and inner child in the process. Beneath the applause is often anxiety, emotional exhaustion, loneliness, and a deep longing to be seen beyond what we do. W
Why Not Me: Pain, Purpose, and Pete Colter
In this deeply honest episode of Real Adult Wisdom, Becky sits down with author Pete Colter for a raw and unfiltered conversation about mental illness, survival, and the art of turning suffering into story.Pete opens up about his lifelong battles with manic depression, the surgeries that shaped his childhood, and the trauma that nearly broke him — and how writing became both his refuge and his rev
Identity Shattering Initiation- Unapologetically You (2)
Tonight on Real Adult Wisdom: SOLARI and I continue The Rise & Rewrite Series with a powerful conversation on Identity Shattering as Initiation. We’re talking about the moments that break us open—burnout, betrayal, illness, divorce, or spiritual awakening—and how they become the doorway into who we’re meant to be.If you’ve ever felt your life fall apart so something truer could begin, this epi
Unapologetically You-The Rise and Rewrite Series
Becky and SOLARI come together for an empowering conversation filled with practical tools for healing and self-growth.Two women, two powerful stories, and two transformative books — sharing the lessons, lived experiences, and insights that shaped their journeys. This series pulls back the curtain on what it really takes to rewrite your story, rise from what broke you, and step into the life you’re
You’re Not Broken. You Adapted. Now It’s Time to Evolve.
This podcast is for the person who survived, the person who carried the weight, the person who learned to be strong because life left them no other choice — and who is now ready for something more.Hosted by author Becky Shaffer, who turned their pain into purpose, this show blends real, raw storytelling with empowering tools for growth. Through personal experiences, healing conversations, and insi
Forgiveness
Today, we’re diving into the beautiful, brutal, and often misunderstood world of forgiveness because forgiveness is not one-size-fits-all. It comes in many forms. Join Becky Shaffer and Leslie Brooks as they dive deep and share personal stories of forgiveness.
Setting Boundaries Like a Badass
Becky Shaffer and Leslie Brooks are back on Real Adult Wisdom for another powerful conversation—this time, diving deeper into “Boundaries.”Becky Shaffer and Leslie Brooks are back on Real Adult Wisdom for another powerful discussion—this time, diving deeper into “Boundaries.”These two dynamic life coaches break it all down: Why we struggle to set them, how somatic awareness plays a role, and what
How Our Past Impacts Our Present: The Invisible Luggage We Carry
Today we’re talking about something we all do—but don’t always recognize: carrying the past into the present like an overstuffed emotional carry-on. Whether it’s childhood wounds, relationship trauma, or that one rejection in seventh grade that still stings… the past doesn’t always stay in the past. There are Triggers that brings it out of that bag. So let’s open the bag and see what we’re luggi
The Lessons Life Didn’t Put in the Manual
Today, we’re diving into the good, the bad, and the “Are you kidding me?” moments—the ones that cracked us open, called us higher, and forced us to grow in ways we never saw coming.These are the moments that don’t always make sense when they happen… The moments that leave us breathless, heartbroken, or humbled—but become the turning points we didn’t realize we needed.The good reminds us of what’s
No One Teaches Us How To Love.
"We grew up learning math, history, how to parallel park... but no one handed us a real guide for relationships. No one sat us down and said, 'Here’s how you recognize healthy love. Here’s how you set a boundary without guilt. Here's how you survive heartbreak without losing yourself.' ""So today, we’re starting that conversation. This is about unlearning the myths we ab
Owning the Experience of Boundary Work
We are talking real talk—why boundaries matter, how they build you rather than box you in, and what it looks like to set limits that actually liberate you.Tune in and start drawing the lines that honor your energy, your values, and your worth. You hold the line—because that’s what the most empowered version of you does.liveinconfidence.com Lesliebrooksclc.com
Boundaries: More Than Lines on a Map
Becky dives into respecting boundaries without taking it personally.You know that moment when someone says, “I need space,” or “I can’t help with that right now,” and even though you get it, something in you feels rejected or shut out? Yeah—been there.But what if we flipped the script? What if someone else’s boundary wasn’t about you at all—but simply about them taking care of themselves? In this
If they wanted to and could, they would.
If someone cares, they make it known. If they wanted to call, text, show up, commit — and they could — they would.It saves you from overanalyzing mixed signals. Busy? Tired? Sure, we all are. But patterns tell you everything. If someone is consistently absent, that's information, not confusion.Listen as Becky dives into the reality of effort, priorities, and capability in relationships, career
Understanding the Power of Intentional Transitions
Without intention, transitions can feel overwhelming and uncertain. But with clarity, every change—whether it’s a new job, a move, a relationship shift, or a personal reinvention—can become an opportunity for growth and transformation.
Grieving the Empty Nest
As parents, the journey to raise and nurture our children is filled with purpose and connection. But when they leave their nest, it's normal to feel pride, loss, and uncertainty. Our goal is to get through this transition with empathy and encouragement. But first, we face the grieving process.
Let Them Go
Years of saying hello and goodbye---and Letting Go....It does get easier, or maybe more familiar. We all love to watch our kids grow and we all love to watch them evolve and change, but none of this can happen if you don't Let them go. Allow yourself to watch the amazing humans you raised discover themselves as young adults and in the meantime, GO DISCOVER YOU.
From Full Time Mom, to Empty Nester
Becoming an empty nester can be a transformative and enriching phase of life. After years of raising children, you now have the opportunity to rediscover yourself and explore new passions.
Picture this: a home that reflects your style, a schedule that’s entirely your own, and the freedom to travel, learn, or pick up hobbies you've always wanted to try.
This transition allows for deeper relationsh
Understanding Yourself
Getting to know yourself and understanding who you really are is a very personal and life-changing journey of discovering yourself. It involves exploring the depths of your being and uncovering your values, beliefs, passions, strengths, and weaknesses. By really getting to know your identity, you can lead a truer, more meaningful, and more satisfying life.
Becky Shaffer takes you on a journey on h
Survior's Guilt
Survivor's guilt--a response to an event in which someone experienced loss but you did not---seems to be alive and well in the Asheville area after the remnants of Hurricane Helene unleashed floodwaters where lives were lost, homes were lost and all of our lives were turned upside down. Finding meaning providing support, and volunteering are all ways one can help especially when feeling this way.
Breaking Patterns
Becky discusses breaking patterns.
In simplest terms, we’re prone to repeating unhealthy relationships, careers, and friendship patterns, whether we know we’re doing so or not.
As such, we end up in a holding pattern that we need to break free from unless we want to keep whirling in circles forever.
Empowering with Passion
Doctor LaTondra Sillwell-Barker joins the show today to discuss her passion for empowering others, breaking the stigma of weight management, and educating the listeners on GLP-1 therapy.
Becky shares her struggles and how the therapy has changed her life.
Change as a Choice, Instead of a Reaction
It seems that human nature is such that we balk at changing things until things get really bad and we're so uncomfortable that we can no longer go on. We wait for a crisis, trauma, loss, disease, and tragedy before we get down to looking at who we are, what we are doing, how we are living, what we are feeling, and what we believe or know, in order to embrace change. I call this the "wake
The Anchor
Becky discusses the stability and safety of an anchor and the way we allow it to hold us down as well. It symbolizes being stong and steady in life, reminding us to stay calm and firm when things get tough.
More broadly, the anchor means hope and firmness. It’s a symbol of staying positive and guiding us through hard times. Becky shares her experience of resigning from a job and how letting that
Investing In Yourself
Investing in yourself means putting your time, effort, and resources into your personal development and well-being – with the expectation that those investments will yield a positive return in all aspects of your life.
Becky discusses different categories of personal growth and inventing in yourself while sharing her personal journey because investing in YOU doesn't come naturally for some.
Leaving Your Comfort Zone
Leaving your comfort zone can have multiple meanings. Comfort and growth are like oil and water. We are wired to seek comfort and certainty because it means safety and security. Retreating to our comfort zones can recharge our batteries. The lack of risk-taking holds back any type of growth. Join Becky Shaffer as she shares her story on leaving her comfort zone and the 4 stages of the zone.
50 Things I learned at 50-Part 2
There is no point in denying so-called aging--it's something I wasn't always convinced I'd be here to witness---but I can't help getting my real age number stuck in my throat when I have to say it.
Join Becky and Niki as they discuss their wisdom with aging.
50 Things I Learned at 50- Part 1
There's no point in denying so-called aging -- it's something I wasn't always convinced I'd be here to witness -- but I can't help getting my real age number stuck in my throat when I have to actually say it.
Age is a peculiar thing; the number itself doesn't define us, yet society often attaches unwarranted expectations and limitations based on it. Embracing the aging pr
Living in the "What If"
"What if" questions are bound to come up during certain points of our lives, especially during major life decisions and these can be useful. What is not useful is living in the past, in a negative space wondering "what if" from past situations. Shaff and Shay talk about living in the moment and using the "what if" as growth and appreciating lessons learned along the w
Day One, or One Day.
Shaff and Shay wrap up 2023 together and discuss biggest lessons learned this year and how not to carry your mistakes into the new year, but place them under your feet and use them as stepping stone to rise above.
Starting YOUR Journey
Becky Shaffer talks about Embracing change as a fundamental aspect of personal growth and development. It allows us to break free from our comfort zones, learn new things, and discover hidden potential within ourselves. Instead of fearing change, we can choose to view it as an opportunity for self-improvement and self-discovery. Each new beginning brings with it a chance to redefine ourselves, se
Climbing to Midlife
Who ever thought we would be here? Life has a way of going 100 mpg on some days and slower than a snail on others, but this midlife came fast and hard like a head-on collision, and boy have I felt every bump and bruise along the way along with every emotion one can feel.
As we face midlife, all the changes in life, it is time to find our purpose and joy as we start this next phase in our life.
Unpacking your Baggage with Gratitude
The holiday season is upon us, and no other time does it feel like we are “expected” to be joyful and happy, however, how can we bring in gratitude from our life experiences? Becky Shaffer talks about being thankful through all the "stuff".
Beautiful Imperfections
Being human is pretty complicated.
There are the vulnerabilities that exist at our edges with realness and a rawness that can feel overwhelming at times. It is easy to feel as though we are the only ones who wade into the messiness of them all but we’re not. We never are.
Join Becky Shaffer as she digs into this topic and shares some of her own RAW life experiences.
Meaning of Sunsets
Sunsets are usually regarded as a symbol of completion, good, evil, mystery, and magic. They’re also strongly related with endings and can have various other meanings, both positive and negative. In this podcast, I take a look at what sunsets mean, taking into account the emotions you felt, as well as the location and color of the sunset. Here’s a closer look at sunset meanings.
Rediscovering Yourself
Becky dives into her new chapter and the changes that have been rewarding, yet challenging..
Do you wish to gain some clarity of this "second" half of life feels? Are you struggling? You are not alone.
"An empty nest is not just about the people who have left, but also the person who has come back which is you.
When the kids leave, they leave that behind feel and rhythm in the hou
Big Move and Empty Nester
Turning 50, moving and becoming an empty nester all in a 4 month period of time has proven to be a great opportunity with many new journeys' ahead. Shaff and Shay discuss how life brings about opportunities and how we can take the positive and enjoy this ride we call life.
Functional Medicine
Digging into a controversial topic in functional medicine with Dr. Stone. Dr. Stone has been practicing for 30 years and has helped heal many with Functional and Eastern medicine. Redefining Healthy with functional medicine.
Natural Medicine
Dr. Todd Stone is a Natural Medicine Healer / Doctor who practices practice Functional Medicine and Eastern Medicine. He has helped many people turn around their health over the last 30 years, some pretty remarkable! This unique combination has prepared Dr. Stone for meeting the needs, diagnostically and therapeutically, of the “chronic walking wounded”…those people suffering from
Coping Tools for Kids
Founded in 2021, Turtleback Ridge, aka TBR, is a place for family and friends to gather and grow in a mindful and healing environment. TBR came to life when Mia DiMola and Ashley Hermes met in 2020 and combined their dream careers of wanting to operate a therapeutic retreat center. TBR was developed to provide a sanctuary for family and friends to reflect, practice gratitude, cultivate self-love a
Setting Goals v's New Year Resolutions
My goal for 2023 is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I made a promise to myself in 2020 and planned in 2019, sound familiar? I talk about setting small goals that are attainable v's resolutions that sadly in time fade away.
The Path to a Healthier Future
Jenny Fleece joins RAW to share her spirtual path to a happier and healthier life.
Trauma to Healing:There is still hope for a better life
Continuing the series on Trauma to Healing, Heidi McKenzie joins me to share her story of a car accident that left her following a journey she never expected. It is an honor to have Heidi as a friend and for those she teaches daily on her journey, she teaches though her courage. Life is full of twists and turns, however, we all have hope anchored within us which in turn gives us
Trauma to Healing: Being Vulnerable and Taking a Chance
Shaff and Shay bring the Trauma to Healing series to their show. Walking the journey as a survior can sometimes be lonely, yet rewarding in how powerful your story can be for someone dealing with these powerful issues. Our show brings RAW experience and how we can live today to appreciate our past, our healing and where we are as healthy adults in life today.
Being Vulnerable and shari
Healthy Relationships - Trauma To Healing
Healthy relationships are your birthright and you can achieve them. It is your right to have a healthy, safe, and respectful relationship. We will discuss Narcissist Behavior, Stonewalling and Self-Sabotaging behaviors in todays episode.
Shaff and Shay bring RAW (Real Adult Wisdom) to you. Don't be afraid of being yourself or exploring until you find peace within yourself.
From Trauma To Healing
Healing is really just letting yourself feel. Today, I share with you a letter I wrote to my child self. This was the most healing piece of writing I have ever endured in my life. As a survivor, I realized years ago that I still had healing to go. I am not sure if the healing ever should stop, as life is a journey and digging deep, understanding your vaule and worth is alwa
Rising Above (Series on Trauma to Healing)
Shaff and Shay bring the Trauma to Healing series to their show. Walking the journey as a survior can sometimes be lonely, yet rewarding in how powerful your story can be for someone dealing with these powerful issues. Our show brings RAW experience and how we can live today to appreciate our past, our healing and where we are as healthy adults in life today.
Being Vulnerable an
"Moreness" Part 2
Not Settling- (Give and take), Wasted time, and Needle in a Haystack complete our 2-part series of "Moreness".
Shaffer and Shay bring their own personal Wisdom to the forefront with these topics.
We Are:
Becky Shaffer is a life and fitness coach, Educator, and Author. Shay Hayes is an Educator and Coach with College and High School experience in which together we bring a different pe
"Moreness"
Introducing RAW with Shaff and Shay!
We Are:
Becky Shaffer is a life and fitness coach, Educator, and Author. Shay Hayes is an Educator and Coach with College and High School experience in which together we bring a different perspective with Real Adult Wisdom from life experiences.
Here, on RAW, we will drop the fake talk and talk about honestly the hard experiences and life lessons we ga
Girls Trip-Don't Do Life Alone
We Are:
Becky Shaffer is a life and fitness coach, Educator, and Author, and Shay Hayes is an Educator and Coach with College and High School experience in which together we bring a different perspective with Real Adult Wisdom from life experiences.
Here, on RAW, we will drop the fake talk and talk about honestly the hard experiences and life lessons we gained from surviving childhood abuse, abu
Why RAW?
Introducing RAW with Shaff and Shay!
We Are:
Becky Shaffer is a life and fitness coach, Educator, and Author, and Shay Hayes is an Educator and Coach with College and High School experience in which together we bring a different perspective with Real Adult Wisdom from life experiences.
Here, on RAW, we will drop the fake talk and talk about honestly the hard experiences and life lessons we gained
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