Nope! We're Not Monogamous
Ellecia Paine, a non-monogamy relationship coach, hosts candid conversations about ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra, and life. Listeners get a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks, hearing how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. The podcast celebrates the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.
Episodes
My Marriage Ended.... That Doesn’t Mean It Failed, EP. 166
I’m back. And my life looks pretty different than it did a few months ago.I took most of the summer off from podcasting while I remodeled, moved, and navigated a pretty big life change: my husband and I split up.I’m sharing a little about where I’ve been, but this episode isn’t really about the details of my separation. It’s about a question I’ve been thinking about a lot:Does a relationship endin
Rewind: Your Best Sex Isn't Behind You | Susan Bratton
Some conversations stay with you long after you hit stop recording.This is one of those conversations for me.I'm bringing back my interview with Susan Bratton, and I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done.Susan is a sex educator, author, and longtime consensually non-monogamous person who is incredibly passionate about helping people have more
Rewind: Jealousy, Compersion & the Messy Truth About Non-Monogamy with Dirty Lola
Some of my favorite conversations on this podcast are the ones where we stop trying to make non-monogamy look perfect and just talk about what it's actually like.This is absolutely one of those episodes.For this Rewind, I'm bringing back my conversation with sex educator Dirty Lola, and ohhhh, there is so much good stuff in this one.Lola takes us through her journey from experimenting wi
Rewind: How to Build Secure Polyamorous Relationships | Jessica Fern & David Cooley
Some conversations are just too good to stay buried in the archives.This week I'm bringing back one of my absolute favorite episodes with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, and David Cooley, co-author of Polywise. Even three years later, this conversation feels just as relevant, thoughtful, and practical as it did the first time we recorded it.If you've ever struggled with jealousy, con
Growing Up in a Polyamorous Family | A Conversation with Koe Creation
What is it actually like to grow up in a polyamorous family?There are plenty of opinions about how non-monogamy affects children, but very few of those opinions come from people who actually lived it.In this re-released episode of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with educator, author, and activist Koe Creation, who grew up in a polyamorous family and now helps people navigate conversat
Rewind: Wilder on Closed Triads, Poly Families & Living Authentically, EP. 161
Some conversations are simply too good to leave in the archives.This week I'm re-releasing one of my favorite early episodes with my dear friend, Wilder. Even years later, this conversation feels just as relevant. We dive into what it actually looks like to build a life outside of traditional relationship norms, from joining an already-married couple to creating a thriving polyamorous family
What Nobody Teaches You About Polycule Dynamics with Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith?
Most conversations about non-monogamy focus on opening a relationship, navigating jealousy, or finding new partners.But what happens after that?How do you navigate a polycule where relationships are constantly evolving? How do you manage different expectations, conflicting needs, shifting priorities, and the very human reality that not everyone connects in the same way?In this episode of Nope! We&
The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding Your People with Jamie Love, EP. 159
What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules?What if it's community?In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize you
Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158
Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you?Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to feel
How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight, EP. 157
Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong?Maybe you shut down.Maybe you get defensive.Maybe you try so hard not to sound “too much” that you stop saying what you actually mean.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around jea
How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156
Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body?Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong.And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over.We g
Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to Ask For, EP. 155
Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment?Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.”But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, asking for what you needed, or honoring your discomfort… you pushed it down.Then jealousy showed up carrying all of it.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m
Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really Trying to Protect) EP. 154
Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal.A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up.If you’ve ever felt jealous and then judged yourself for it, this episode is for you.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so intense,
If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153
Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic.Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build.A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partner mentions someone else.And before you know it, it’s affecting your mood, your communication, and the way you show up in your relationship.In this episode of Nope! We’re
Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still Feeling Alone, EP. 152
There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered.The connection can be real. The feelings can be real. And still… something feels off.If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode is for you.Because this dynamic can be beautiful… and also con
Communication Triangles in Polyamory: The Subtle Dynamic That Creates Drama EP. 151
Have you ever found yourself holding feelings about a relationship… that technically isn’t even yours?Like your partner shares something about their other partner…and suddenly you f eel protective… or tense… or a little off around someone you didn’t have an issue with before?Yeah… that’s usually a communication triangle.In this episode, I’m breaking down how triangulation actually shows up in non-
Showing Up Alone to a Swingers Event Changed Everything - Ep. 150 with Kate Heskett
What if the thing you thought made you “too much”… was actually the doorway to deeper connection, more honest relationships, and a whole lot more pleasure?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by writer and poet Kate Heskett, whose story appears in the new anthology Pillow Talk, a collection of real, raw, awkward, and hilarious experiences of sex, intimacy, and desire.Kate shar
Metamours, Friendship, and the Myth of Instant Kitchen Table Polyamory, EP. 149
What are metamour relationships supposed to look like in non-monogamy? Do you have to be instant best friends… or even chosen family… with your partner’s partner?In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the real emotional pacing of metamour connections. From the pressure to create “kitchen table polyamory” right away, to the importance of chemistry, play, and nervous system safet
NRE: Why New Relationship Energy Feels So Good (and Why You Should Slow Down) EP. 148
New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is one of the most talked-about dynamics in non-monogamy, and one of the most misunderstood.In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what NRE actually is, what’s happening in your brain and body during those early stages of attraction, and why the dopamine-fueled excitement of a new connection can make people feel euphoric, obsessive, and somet
Resentment Is a Boundary Problem (And It’s Not What You Think)
If you’ve been feeling resentful in your open relationship, this episode is for you.In Episode 147 of Nope, We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why resentment in non-monogamy is rarely about jealousy or bad communication.It’s usually about boundaries.Specifically:The boundary you didn’t setThe boundary you didn’t enforceOr the agreement your body never truly consented toSo many people in ethical no
Poly Agony: The Mistakes, Repair, and Reality of Raising Kids While Open with Candace Sogren
Non-monogamy isn’t just more love. It’s more feelings, more conversations, and sometimes… a lot more processing.In this episode, I’m sitting down with Candace Sogren, lawyer, former CEO, emotional intelligence facilitator, mom, and author of Poly Agony. She’s been ethically non-monogamous for over 20 years, raising a child in community, building non-traditional family structures, and living this l
Needs vs Wants in Non-Monogamy: There’s No Prize for Needing Less EP.145
Struggling to tell the difference between needs vs wants in non-monogamy?If you’ve learned to be “low maintenance” and tolerate a lot, you might be minimizing your emotional needs without realizing it.In this episode, we explore how trauma, people-pleasing, and polyamory culture can teach us to need less, and why you’re allowed to want more.There’s no prize for needing less.You’re not needy. You’r
The Real Glow-Up: Self-Love, Desire, and Ethical Non-Monogamy with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, EP. 144
Opening a relationship can feel empowering… and activating.A lot of people expect ethical non-monogamy or polyamory to feel freeing right away. Instead, it often brings up jealousy, comparison, attachment wounds, and questions about self-worth.If you’ve ever thought: “Why am I confident everywhere else but spiraling in my relationship?” “Why does non-monogamy trigger my insecurities?” “How do I fe
Saying Yes to Non-Monogamy with Natalie Davis, EP. 143
What if non-monogamy wasn’t something you planned… but something you found your way into?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by Natalie Davis, editor of Polyamory Today and author of the memoir Saying Yes: My Adventures in Non-monogamy.Natalie shares her deeply human journey from a traditional, long-term monogamous marriage through infidelity, swinging, and polyamory, and how
Jealousy Is Shame in Disguise (And That Changes Everything) Ep. 142
Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure.And it’s almost never about your partner.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist:the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame.Both are rooted in scarcity.Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss.And both get way more pain
When Honesty Isn’t Enough: The Missing Piece of Emotional Safety in Open Relationships, EP. 141
We talk a lot about honesty in open relationships and non-monogamy.Tell the truth. Name the jealousy. Share your feelings.But what happens when you open up and your partner tries to fix it, explain it away, or tells you you shouldn’t feel that way?In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety, how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down in no
Before You Open: The 5 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Ready Yet, EP. 140
Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I slow that moment way down.Dating separately can be incredibly powerful, but only when your relationship has the foundation to suppo
How to Talk to a Partner Who Insists on OPP, Forced Triads, or “We Only Date Together” EP. 139
What do you do when your partner says they are open to non monogamy, but only under very specific rules?Only dating women.Only forming a triad.Only dating together as a couple.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without turnin
Dating Separately: The Secret to Actually Surviving Polyamory as a Couple, EP. 138
Dating separately is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in non-monogamy.For many couples, the idea of a partner dating someone without them involved brings up fear, jealousy, panic, and a deep sense of threat. So it makes sense that a lot of people try to avoid that discomfort by insisting on dating together, only pursuing triads, or creating rules that keep everything ti
The Taboo Side of Non-Monogamy: Pleasure, Healing, and Desire with Sharon Marie Scott
What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look?In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy, and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating, an
The Relationship Skills That Actually Matter in Non-Monogamy with Dr. Dan Sneider Ep. 136
If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive.Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety.We get into the skill
You Can’t Logic Your Way Out of Jealousy (But You’ll Definitely Try) Ep. 135
Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling?You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.”This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn
Rethinking “Success” in Polyamory with Jessica Morgenthaler Ep. 134
Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever?Yeah… hard pass.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default.Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way
Pelvic Floors, Orgasms, and Why We Don’t Discriminate Against the Monogamous with Jana Danielson
What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor?This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightf
The Truth Hurts - But Hiding It Hurts Worse, Ep. 132
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory.If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion.You’ll learn how to:→ Recognize when y
Why You Can’t Just Talk Your Way Out of Jealousy in Polyamory (And What Actually Helps) Ep. 131
You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion.So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house?In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system.W
Rewriting Your Relationship Code: Ditching the Defaults for Real Freedom, Ep. 130
Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU.So many of us grew up believing myths like:“If you’re really in love, you won’t be attracted to anyone else.”“
Relationship Anxiety in Polyamory: It’s Not Just You, Ep. 129
Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down:Why relationship
The Polyamory Trap of Finding Different Partners to Fill Different Needs, Ep. 128
Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why that belief is one of the biggest traps in polyamory and open relationships.We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill every
Polyamory’s Biggest Struggle Isn’t Jealousy — It’s Scheduling, EP. 127
Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar.After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he
Midlife, Menopause & Non-Monogamy: Reclaiming Pleasure, Power & Desire with Carla Wainwright EP. 126
What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Carla Wainwright, Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist. We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogamy, po
The Brutal Truth About Open Relationships, Ep. 125
Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version?This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late.As a relationship coach, I’ve seen the glossy fantasy and the gritty reality. Spoiler: opening your relationship
Patriarchy and Polyamory — Unpacking Power, Gender, and ENM with Cass Banker, Ep. 124
What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-writ
The Cost of Shrinking: When Monogamy Doesn’t Fit, Ep. 123
“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you.I’m getting real abo
Leaving Purity Culture, Finding Non-Monogamy: Healing, Desire & Autonomy with Leah Carey, Ep. 122
What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free?In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environme
Why Finding Your People Changes Everything in Non-Monogamy, Ep. 121
In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who j
You’re Not Wrong for Wanting More: Let’s End That Lie, Ep. 120
Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”?Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you?You're not broken—you’re just becoming.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And esp
Your Brain Gets Polyamory—But What About Your Body? Ep. 119
So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy.In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement t
Creating Sexy, Safe, and Soulful Community with Jamie Love, Ep. 118
What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community.We cover:How to start a sex-positive space or community near youWhat consent really loo
You Don’t Have to Be the ‘Chill Poly Partner’ to Deserve Love, Ep. 117
Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule?Always chill, never the squeaky wheel?This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection.We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival.👉 Topics covered:What emotional self-abandonment looks like in
Why You’re Stuck in the Same Fight on Repeat (and How to Break the Loop) Ep. 116
Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes?You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again.In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start bre
How to Say the Hard Thing Without Burning Everything Down, Ep. 115
You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down.In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire.Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point
Tantra, Throuples, and the Best Sex of Her Life at 65 with Xanet Pailet
What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life.We’re talking about:How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60sWhy pleasure is your birthri
Stop Compromising, Start Collaborating: A New Approach to Non-Monogamy Ep. 113
Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen?In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional, values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships.💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen.💛 Collaboration = connection, clarity, and care.What You’ll Learn:✔️ Why A
Why Self-Love Looks Different in Non-Monogamy (And Why You Can’t “Positive Vibes” Your Way Through Comparison)
Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else? In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard. 🎙️We talk about:Why affirmations fail when your bod
Love Beyond Boundaries: Jeff Hudson on Throuples, Jealousy & Non-Monogamy
What happens when a long-term couple invites a third person into their relationship—and it doesn’t go as planned?In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple. Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, and
The Hidden Costs of Comparing Yourself to Your Metamour, Ep. 110
You know you’re enough—but the second your partner mentions her, the spiral starts. Sound familiar?In this honest, grounding episode, I break down the real costs of comparison in non-monogamous relationships—like the way it quietly erodes your presence, self-trust, and peace.You’ll hear:Why “knowing better” doesn’t stop the spiralHow patriarchy conditions us to compete—even in open dynamicsWhat co
Reframing Jealousy as a Powerful Tool in Open Relationships with Dr. Emma Smith
Navigating non-monogamy can stir up some BIG emotions—especially jealousy. But what if jealousy wasn’t something to fight against... but a tool for deeper connection?In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Emma Smith, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, to talk about:✨ How to create emotional safety plans when opening a relationship ✨ The difference between healthy boundaries
Jealousy to Compersion: Communicating Through Emotions in Open Relationships with Ally Iseman
Ever wondered if you can learn to feel compersion instead of jealousy? Or if talking about opening up your relationship means you're actually ready to do it? This episode dives deep into these questions and more!I'm joined by Ally Iseman, a certified relationship coach and founder of Passport to Pleasure. Ally brings her unique blend of humor, compassion, and practical tools to help coup
Why You Keep Comparing Yourself to Your Metamour (And How to Stop), Ep. 107
Struggling with comparison in your non-monogamous relationship?Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or spiraling thoughts when your partner mentions someone new—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.In this episode, we explore why comparison shows up in polyamory and non-monogamy, how it impacts your nervous system, and what you can do to stop the spiral and build emotional safety.You’ll learn:Why
Open Monogamy, Jealousy & Mismatched Desires | Dr. Tammy Nelson on Rethinking Relationship Agreements
If you’ve ever struggled with mismatched desires, defining commitment with a partner, or navigating the messier side of non-monogamy — this episode is for you.In this candid conversation, I talk with Dr. Tammy Nelson, sexologist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy. With 35+ years of experience working with couples in both monogamous and open relationships, Tammy brings a nuanced
Unmasking Ashley Madison: Why People Cheat & What It Reveals About Modern Relationships, Ep. 105
When I was invited to interview someone from Ashley Madison, I hesitated. My first instinct was judgment — but then I realized, that’s the same kind of stigma people apply to non-monogamy all the time.This powerful conversation with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, dives deep into the complex, often misunderstood world of infidelity, emotional disconnection, and unmet needs i
5 Simple Tools for Profound Intimacy in Non-Monogamy, Ep. 104
Struggling to feel deeply connected in your non-monogamous relationships? Whether you're navigating polyamory, open relationships, or casual connections, meaningful intimacy doesn’t have to take hours of deep conversations or elaborate date nights. In fact, it can start with just five minutes a day.In this episode, I’m sharing five powerful yet simple practices from my Beyond Monogamy 4CNM Me
Thriving in Non Monogamous Social Situations Without Drama, Ep. 103
The dinner party where your partner's other partner shows up. The wedding where you're trying to explain your relationship structure to curious relatives. The community gathering where you're juggling attention between multiple partners.Social events in non-monogamous relationships present unique challenges that most relationship advice completely ignores.In this raw and practical e
From Should to Could - Designing Your Non-monogamous Relationships, Ep. 102
Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's version of a "good" relationship? That moment when you realize you've been checking boxes you never actually chose for yourself? I've been there, and it's time we talk about moving from relationship "shoulds" to relationship "coulds."In this episode, I'm sharing my journey from living a
The Hidden Price Tag of Figuring Out Non Monogamy Alone
Are you trying to navigate ethical non-monogamy through trial and error? In this episode I reveal why the DIY approach to non-monogamy often leads to unexpected emotional and relationship costs.Episode Highlights: • Understanding the hidden costs of unsupported non-monogamy • Real stories from couples navigating ethical non-monogamy • Practical solutions for common non-monogamous relationship chal
Building Polyamorous Community and Connections with Aly Moon
🎉100 episodes! Can you believe it? Three years ago, I was terrified to be on video, worried about getting it all "right." Now, this podcast has become a thriving space for deep, unfiltered conversations about non-monogamy—and it’s all thanks to you! 💜To celebrate this milestone, I’m joined by Aly Moon, a polyamory community leader with 15+ years of non-monogamous experience and 7 years o
The #1 Secret to Thriving in Open Relationships, Ep. 99
Feeling lost in non-monogamy? Struggling with unclear boundaries? Without clarity, your relationships can feel uncertain and chaotic. In this episode, I break down why clarity is EVERYTHING when it comes to thriving in open relationships. 📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:✅ How to define your North Star for relationship clarity✅ The importance of non-negotiables & why they shape your boundaries✅
The Anxious Person's Toolkit for Successful Non-Monogamous Connections with Lola Phoenix
Are you navigating the emotional landscape of non-monogamy? In this episode, I chat with Lola Phoenix, author of "The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy", "The Non-monogamy Journal", and host of the "Non-Monogamy Help" podcast. We chat about the complexities of open relationships and how to build a toolkit for managing the intense emotions that often arise.Ke
The Hidden Costs of Ignoring Jealousy in Non-Monogamous Relationships, EP. 97
Have you ever tried to brush off jealousy, hoping it would simply fade away? In this eye-opening episode, I uncover the hidden costs of ignoring this powerful emotion in non-monogamous relationships.Uncover the truth about jealousy:Why avoiding jealousy actually intensifies its impactHow unaddressed jealousy erodes trust and emotional safetyPractical steps to prevent jealousy from damaging your co
Reignite Your Dating Life: Overcoming App Burnout and Finding Your People
Are you tired of swiping endlessly on dating apps, feeling like you're getting nowhere? In this episode, I sit down with Julie and Yue, the dynamic duo behind the Dateable podcast and authors of "How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love." These dating experts are here to shake up your approach to modern romance, whether you're monogamou
Why DIY Jealousy Solutions Fall Short in Non Monogamy
Have you ever found yourself caught in the grip of jealousy, promising that next time will be different, only to find those familiar feelings resurface? If you've been trying to tackle jealousy on your own without success, you're not alone. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on why DIY approaches to managing jealousy often fall short, and why deeper work is crucial for la
The Unexpected Paths of Non-Monogamy: A Conversation with Annie Undone, EP. 94
Are you ready to challenge everything you thought you knew about relationships? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with Annie Undone, a writer, artist, and relationship anarchist who's been through it all - from monogamy to swinging, polyamory, and now relationship anarchy. Together, we unpack the raw truth about opening up relationships and why it might just lead to the end of your curr
How to Turn Jealousy Into a Tool for Growth, Ep. 93
Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when your partner laughs a little too hard with someone new? Or that tightness in your chest when they're excited about a fresh connection? Jealousy can be an unwelcome guest in our emotional landscape, especially in non-monogamous relationships. But what if I told you that this intense feeling isn't your enemy, but potentially one of your mos
Why 2025 is the Year to Let Go of Jealousy, Ep. 92
Are you tired of jealousy hijacking your relationships? Imagine stepping into 2025 with the power to transform those uncomfortable feelings into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. In this episode, I'm sharing three powerful tools to help you navigate jealousy in non-monogamous relationships with confidence and grace.What You'll Discover:How to identify jealousy in your body
Polyamory Explored: Jealousy, Communication and Coming Out Strategies With Kathy Labriola
Are you grappling with jealousy in your non-monogamous relationships? Curious about the differences between solo polyamory and relationship anarchy? In this eye-opening episode, I'm joined by the legendary Kathy Labriola, a counselor, nurse, and author with decades of experience guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous folks.Mastering JealousyUnderstanding why jealousy arises and how it differs
Graceful Rejection: The Art of Saying No Without Burning Bridges
How do you turn someone down romantically without creating awkwardness or burning bridges? In this episode, my partner, Danny, and I tackle one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: rejection. Inspired by a question from one of our Patreon supporters, we explore how to say "no" in a way that’s respectful, kind, and true to your own boundaries.Key Topics We Cover:Why O
Beyond Swiping Finding Authentic Connections in Seattle
Are You Ready to Rethink How You Date?Tired of endlessly swiping on dating apps and feeling like you're spinning your wheels? In this episode, I sit down with Rozie Erlewine, a compassionate matchmaker and polyamorous community organizer who’s been helping people connect in the Seattle polyamory scene since 2017. Rozie, the founder of Seattle Inclusive Matchmaking and host of polyamorous spee
Catapults and Consent: When Kink and Polyamory Overlap with Still
Are you ready to get an in-depth look into navigating kink and non-monogamy together? This episode is your ultimate guide to understanding the fascinating intersection of kink, polyamory, and non-monogamous relationships. I’m sitting down with Still, a veteran kink community organizer and co-host of Tasty!—South Seattle's monitored monthly kink night at The Lumber Yard Bar. Together, we unpa
Boundaries, Bedrooms, and Beyond, Navigating Non Monogamous Dating with Shannon Whaley
Curious about what it really takes to date in the non-monogamous world? In this episode, I’m joined by Shannon Whaley, an anti-hustle business coach and newly-out polyamorous explorer, as we dive into the challenges and breakthroughs of non-monogamous dating. Together, we break down the nuances of setting clear boundaries, asking the tough but essential questions, and finding self-worth after surv
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