Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes
Friendship IRL is a weekly podcast hosted by Alex Alexander that offers honest, no-nonsense advice on building and maintaining meaningful adult friendships and support systems. Each episode features real conversations and practical strategies for making new friends, nurturing old ones, and finding people who truly show up. The show includes stories from everyday people and occasional experts, along with actionable scripts and ideas listeners can apply. New episodes are released every Thursday, and listeners are invited to share their own friendship experiences.
Episodes
When Friendship Doesn’t Look Like You Thought It Would
Have you ever seen someone else’s friendship online and immediately felt that little pang? One day I started thinking about the TV show Friends, and girls’ trips, and the friend groups online who live next door to each other or travel with five families or somehow make the version of friendship we imagined look effortless.And then I had to stop myself, because I have beautiful friendships and do c
What a Ugandan Village Taught Tom Karrel About Belonging
Everyone is talking about building a village right now. It’s on social media, in parenting forums, in wellness content, in the conversations we have when we’re exhausted and lonely and wondering why support feels so hard to find.But how many of us have actually experienced a REAL village? Today’s guest, Tom Karrel, has spent a lot of time thinking about it.Tom is the author of The Lost Art of Rand
Financial Literacy as a Friendship Goal & Money Conversations We Should Be Having With Friends
Do you talk about money with your friends? Money can bring up jealousy, comparison, shame, judgment, and all kinds of feelings we may not want to bring into our friendships. But I also think there is so much power in these conversations.You do not have to start by sharing your salary, your mortgage payment, or the amount in your savings account. Sometimes talking about money means sharing a budget
Bestiemonies, Friendship Vows, and the Ceremony You Didn't Know You Needed with Jennifer Hobbs
We have so many rituals for romantic love, between weddings, anniversaries, showers, and celebrations. But what do we have for friendship?Today I’m talking with Jennifer Hobbs, owner of Rhinestone Wedding Chapel in Nashville and creator of Bestiemony, a friendship commitment ceremony she created after realizing that the vows she hears at weddings every day also sounded a lot like the promises her
5 Ways to Shake Up a Stale Friendship
Have you ever realized that every time you hang out with certain friends, you do the exact same thing?That happened to me recently with a group of friends. We were all sitting around my living room when one friend named what I think a lot of us had been feeling: the hangout was still good, but it had started to feel stale.In today’s episode, I’m talking about what it can mean when a friendship sta
How to Help Your Teen With Friendship Drama with Sheri Gazitt
Today’s episode is for the parents who have messaged me over and over again asking, “How do I help my teen daughter through friendship drama?” But it’s also for the adults who are realizing that some of their current friendship patterns may have started in those very formative years.Sheri Gazitt, founder of Teen Wise, helps teen girls and their parents understand what is really happening underneat
Disappointment is the Cost of Friendship
Last week’s guest said something that really stuck with me: “The cost of community is disappointment.”We feel disappointed when a friend cancels at the last minute, when someone doesn’t show up the way we hoped they would, when we feel left out, and when the birthday or baby shower or hard season does not look the way we imagined it would. And most of us do not really want to admit how much disapp
How to Make Mom Friends When the Village Doesn’t Just Appear with Molly Menning
Making new mom friends sounds simple enough until you’re actually in the thick of it, and that’s where Molly Menning found herself after becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom of two. Many of her mom friends had gone back to work or had kids in different stages, and the daytime hours at home started to feel really isolating.So she decided to try something simple: a weekly, drop-in playgroup at her
The Urge to Tell Your Life Story on the First Friend Date (And What to Do Instead)
Have you ever come home from hanging out with a new friend and you spiral, wondering if you shared too much or scared them off?I call this a new friend hangover. And in today’s episode, I want to talk about what happens when we rush into new friendships, especially when we are really, really hungry for connection. So much of adult friendship advice tells us to open up, be vulnerable, share more, a
What to Say When Someone You Love Is Grieving with Shelby Forsythia
This episode will completely change how you show up for the people in your life when they are grieving or going through something.Most of us have heard the advice about what to do when someone is grieving: bring the meal, send the gift card, walk the dog, take the kids, run the errand. And those things matter, but knowing what to say is where a lot of us panic.Today I’m talking to Shelby Forsythia
Are Birthdays Doing Too Much Work In Our Friendships?
Have you ever caught yourself on your birthday paying a little too much attention to your phone?Noticing who texted, who posted, who sent a voice memo? What about who just “liked” your Instagram story but didn’t actually say anything? Who remembered, who didn’t, and what all of that might mean about how much they care about you.For most of us, birthdays are one of the only times we explicitly tell
Loneliness, Vitality, and the Six Domains of Health with Dr. Alan Rozanski
It’s impossible to talk about friendship or community without the topic of loneliness. What is loneliness doing inside the body? How is it affecting our hearts, our brains, our stress hormones, and our actual day-to-day health?That’s exactly what we’re going to explore today with Dr. Alan Rozanski, a cardiologist who has spent decades studying this question: what allows people to truly flourish? D
When Your Friend Starts Feeling Like a Different Person
Have you ever left a hangout with a friend and felt like 95% of the hangout was normal, but the other 5% was just… off?Maybe it was a comment that surprised you, or a value that seemed to come out of nowhere. And suddenly you’re wondering, wait, is this still the person I thought I knew?!That’s what I’m talking about in today’s episode. Notice this isn’t about friendship breakups or big fights. Bu
What Actually Happens When You Move Next Door to Your Best Friends? with The Friendhood
There is something dreamy about the idea of living close to your people. Imagine all of the spontaneous walks, casual dinners, and “come over, I’m on my couch” friendship vibes that so many of us crave.Today I’m talking with Kelly and Kristi from The Friendhood, a group of four women in Atlanta who actually did it. They didn’t just talk about moving closer to their friends someday — they now live
Why You Feel Lonely Even Though You Have Close Friends
There’s a specific kind of loneliness that I don’t think enough people talk about — the loneliness you feel EVEN when you have good friends.In this episode, I’m talking about why you might feel lonely, and I’m breaking it down into a few different reasons. Maybe you don’t feel fully seen, maybe this friendship isn’t the right container for what you’re carrying, maybe life circumstances have change
Raised by Community: The Small Moments That Actually Save Kids (and Adults)
Why does connection, caregiving, parenting, friendship, and community feel so hard right now? Author Stephanie Malia Krauss is here to talk about the “weather” we’re all living in right now: we’re overtapped, overworked, overstimulated, and overwrought. And honestly, when I read that, I felt like she had put language to something so many of us are carrying around without even realizing it.Stephani
THE BOOK IS HERE! Behind the Scenes of “Are We Friends Yet?”
My book is finally out in the world.This week, I'm taking you behind the scenes of the 6-year journey that became Are We Friends Yet? — from a food blog and a 40-page e-book idea, to a 120-page Word document, a friendship framework obsession, a major health crisis, an unexpected book deal, and more moments of crying on the floor than I'd like to admit.This is the story of how this book c
The Secrets We Keep (For Our Friends)
What do you do if a friend tells you something deeply personal? Maybe they're getting divorced, or they’re pregnant but haven’t publicly announced it.This week, I'm sharing a friendship boundary that Michael and I have held for years, including the kinds of things we don't share with each other, why some of our friends are shocked to learn we've kept their secrets for months (o
How One Bumble BFF Match Turned Into a Best Friendship with Hayleigh Hayhurst
Friendship apps have a reputation for being awkward. They're "not how real friendships happen.” But what if that's not true?When Hayleigh Hayhurst moved to Seattle knowing almost no one, she found herself craving deeper connection and a stronger support system. Instead of waiting for friendships to happen organically, she decided to try Bumble BFF — and ended up meeting some of her
What Is Friendship Culture? (And How to Shift It Without Blowing Everything Up)
Why does one friendship feel effortless while another feels tense, draining, or rigid?In this episode, I’m diving into a concept I think about constantly: friendship culture. The unspoken norms, expectations, habits, and “rules” that shape how our relationships function.From how you split the dinner bill to who initiates plans, what topics feel safe to discuss, or whether partners are included in
How to Show Up for a Friend Going Through a Divorce with Oona Metz
Divorce is one of those life moments where everyone has an opinion, a reaction, or a face they make when they’re told – which is, much of the time, not very helpful. … So what IS helpful? That’s what today’s guest, Oona Metz, is here to talk about. Oona is a licensed independent clinical social worker, a certified group psychotherapist with 30 years of experience supporting women through some of l
Friendship Stalls: How to Work Your Way From “Acquaintance” to “Friend”
Have you ever tried to make a new friend and felt like you were stalling out between the “acquaintance” and “friend” stages? Maybe this person was on the edge of your life for months, and yet, nothing ever changed: you saw each other in the same places, you kept having the same conversations. How do you get to that point where they feel like a friend?Some people assume if a friendship isn’t progre
The Cost of Quiet: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict and Have Those Hard Conversations with Colette Jane Fehr
Here you are, leaving that friendship hangout frustrated again. You swear you’ll tackle the issue at the next meet-up, but then, time goes by. You’ve pushed the problem aside. Until it happens again. And again. Suddenly, this little issue has become a major one.Today’s guest is Colette Jane Fehr, a therapist, TEDX speaker, and author of the Amazon bestselling book, The Cost of Quiet. Her work is r
Why We Need to Stop Using the Word “Toxic” in Regards to Friendship
Bad vibes. Frenemy. Fake friend. Toxic friendship.We have an entire vocabulary for when friendships aren’t working, but I think certain words and phrases often oversimplify friendship issues – and ultimately end up costing us something very real.In this episode, I talk in particular about the word toxic: its history, how it’s morphed in modern friendship culture, and questions to ask yourself to i
Neurodivergent Friendships: Self-Advocating, Masking, and Reframing Friendship as a Skill with Caroline Maguire
To me, writing a friendship manual for neurodivergent people seems kind of mind-bending. How do you encapsulate the beauty and diversity of ALL our brains in one book? And yet, today’s guest, Caroline Maguire, has done just that. Caroline is an expert in social-emotional learning and ADHD coaching, the author of Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults (which I HIGHLY recommend!); and host of t
Gossip in Friendship: Is It Really as Bad as Everyone Says It Is?
Does talking about one person to another make you a bad friend?For quite some time, I’ve been considering the role of gossip in friendship. I’ve reflected on my own patterns and beliefs, and I’ve thought hard about where I’ve pushed the boundaries. My goal in this episode is to get to the root of gossip and the role it plays in relationships. I dive into some research about the history of gossip a
Unmuted Rooms and Judgement-Free Listening with Erin Snow
For years, Erin Snow was a trauma-informed legal advocate for domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking survivors, so she understands well the cost of having nowhere safe to say what’s true. When she got divorced, she felt isolated and without a support system, even among people she thought were friends. She’d been so busy being everyone else’s “person” that she never let anyone be hers. So,
Why (and How) You Should Start Initiating Recurring Social Gatherings
Fitting social gatherings into busy lives often isn’t easy, but let me remind you of their value:One of the longest studies on human connection found that adults who went to social gatherings regularly reported reduced levels of depression and better life satisfaction.The good news? You don’t have to wait for life to ease up or to get invited to see your people; you can start creating recurring fr
I Don’t Have Any Friends! (Help!)
Have you ever felt like you have nobody to call, and wondered: how did I get here? Where are my people?Maybe you’d been focusing on your career and lost touch with your friends. Maybe a big life transition has made you feel the friendships you used to have were tied to a version of you that no longer exists.I’ve been there. I feel your pain, and I wish I could give you a big hug. But as somebody w
Using AI to Navigate and Improve Friendships with Connor Joyce
Like it or not, AI is becoming part of our world in countless capacities – including navigating friendships. Today’s guest is Connor Joyce, a senior user researcher on the Microsoft Copilot team who has been working in the AI space for five years. He has integrated AI into almost every aspect of his life, including friendships. To some of you, this might seem intense, and I get it. But I challenge
Jealous of a Friend? Here's What That Feeling Is Actually Telling You
Ever feel both happy and also … a little jealous when a friend shares good news?I experienced this dichotomy the other night, when my friend shared a success. I found myself performing enthusiasm while dealing with conflicted emotions; I wanted that kind of success, too. Did this make me a bad friend for feeling something other than pure joy for her?In this episode I talk about jealousy in friends
How to Ask Someone to Hang Out (Without Making It Weird)
While brainstorming episode ideas, I sometimes search Google Analytics to see what people are asking. Here’s what I found this week: How do I ask someone to hang out without making it weird?Turns out, millions of people are feeling anxious about asking someone to join them for coffee! (What do I say? What if they think I’m weird? What if they say no?)Today, we end that cycle. I’ll talk you through
The 10 Coffee Date Experiment That Changed Her Friendships with Alison Kinsey
She used to call herself the shy, awkward kid with one best friend. Now she calls community her superpower. Last year, Alison Kinsey decided to run an experiment: invite 10 interesting people to coffee in one year. The result? New friendships and a complete shift in how she sees herself.And you’d never guess it was a cross-country move to California that encouraged her to become an initiator. From
Group Chat Anxiety (Part 2): What To Actually Do About It
This is the second installment in a two-part series about group chat anxiety.If having a massive group chat text chain stresses you out, then I’m going to let you in on a secret: it’s because you CARE about your friendships. But with these chains, we’re also sometimes pouring this caring into the wrong place.In this episode, I talk about auditing these group chats and determining what’s working an
Group Chat Anxiety (Part 1): Why Your Notifications Feel Like Emotional Homework
Have you ever picked up your phone and discovered a hundred unread text messages?Likely you’re at the tail end of a group chat, and it kind of feels like walking into a party two hours late. You want to respond but wonder: will people be annoyed at you for backtracking? Maybe you even feel resentful for being added to this chat without consent. Group chats can sometimes feel like you’re operating
Grief and Friendship: Showing Up After Infant Loss with Michelle Valiukenas
When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad.In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly.Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU,
An Act of Resistance: Why Getting to Know Your Neighbors Matters Right Now
One reason I do this work is I believe all humans deserve to feel safe – but for a lot of us, that’s not a reality right now. Across the country, from Minneapolis to Maine, people, including children, are being kidnapped from their homes under the guise of immigration crackdown. So today’s episode is about leveraging connection as a form of resistance to protect our neighbors. What can you offer,
Too Many Friends? How to Stop Burning Out in Your Relationships
Ever feel like, all of a sudden, you have TOO many friendships to juggle?I know – this sounds like the most privileged problem ever! But truly, it’s a common experience, and I think the reason some of us get burnt out is because we feel we need to show up for each person in the same way. My thoughts? Some friends are lifelines; others add color to your life. Both types matter. But you don’t have t
Should the Goal of Your Friendship be to “Never Rock the Boat?”
Have I made it sound like it’s easy to keep friendships strong and resilient?If so, let me set the record straight: making changes in friendships, even if they’re for the better, is HARD. A lot of the time, it involves uncomfortable conversations, confrontation, and hard feelings. It’s so tempting to push problems aside to keep relations “peaceful.”I think there’s an expectation to put in work for
It’s OK to Get Help With Making Friends (Especially After College!)
Imagine you’re fresh out of college and just moved back to your hometown. Suddenly, making plans with your friends feels hard.Instead of meeting them in the apartment next door or in the dining hall, you’re texting back and forth, trying to get together – but much of the time, it doesn’t pan out, or it’s just not the same. This story is a reality for so many people, including today’s guest.Jason E
[REPLAY] How to Talk to Friends About Celebrating Holidays Together
I sobbed in the car about the holidays this week – but not for reasons you might think.Here’s what made me emotional: I am so grateful and excited for the ways we are celebrating our holidays this year. It could not be further from the reasons I’ve car sobbed in years past.Some of you are already excited about the holidays, and I love that for you. But that is not everyone’s experience, and for ye
[REPLAY] How to Stop Dreading Parties and Take Charge of Your Guest Experience
If you’re somebody who dreads going to a party, then this episode is for you.Sometimes the couch feels more appealing than going out into the world and socializing, and I get it. Attending a gathering takes energy. Sometimes it feels awkward. But gatherings can also make us feel inspired and supported and invigorated.Today I offer an approach that will help you take charge of your guest experience
Narrowing the Liking Gap and Feeling More Confident in Your Interactions
Raise your hand if you’ve ever walked away from an interaction and thought, gosh, I was so awkward! They’ll never want to talk to me again.If this is you, you’re not alone, and honestly, it probably wasn’t as bad as you think; we’re often harder on ourselves than other people are on us. When it comes to connections, there’s a name for this underestimation of how much others actually enjoy interact
How to Host on Any Budget (and Not Fall Into the Martha Stewart Trap)
Let's talk about the Martha Stewart trap so many of us have fallen into.You decide you’re going to get everyone together to see your new place. But then you start thinking you need to deep clean everything; you need more seating, more cutlery, and you need to cook a nice meal. Eventually you start wondering: when did hosting get so expensive?I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be. Today’s
The Benefits of Normalizing Not Drinking at Friend Gatherings
I’ve never been a big drinker. In my early twenties, I remember having to stand up for myself to be included during drinking games, even though I was drinking water.But at a recent gathering we hosted, I realized there were actually MORE non-drinkers than drinkers present. Making non-alcoholic options (and non-alcoholic activities) a normal part of our get-togethers has certainly been an evolution
Almost Everyone Has Experienced Friendship Break-Up (Twice!) with Meenadchi
Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up.Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society! This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communi
It’s Never Too Late to Make Friends
There is a message I keep getting in my DMs, and it breaks my heart every single time. It’s too late for me to make friends. I’m too old. I’ve messed up. I missed the boat.I get why people feel this way. Societel messages lead us to believe there is a point in our lives when, if we don’t have the community connections we want, then we will never have them.But if you’re on the shore, watching your
The Dynamics of Couple Friendships
Lots of people tell me they want couple friendships – you know, those picture-perfect foursomes you see in movies, where everybody gets along effortlessly.Here’s the truth: couple friendships are complex! Why? Because you’re not just making friends couple-to-couple. You’re actually building FOUR SEPARATE FRIENDSHIPS at the same time. My husband and I have lots of couple friendships – probably more
Re-Thinking Conventional Friendship Wisdom with Jacob Marquez
Calling someone you haven’t spoken to in two years isn’t weird; it’s just being human.Today’s guest is Jacob Marquez, also known as J. Henry, a Seattle-based tech entrepreneur and musical artist whose approach to relationships challenges a lot of conventional friendship wisdom.Jacob is the founder of Seattle’s Best Brunch, bringing creatives together to collaborate and spotlight each other’s work,
Why We Should All Want Our Friends to Have Robust Social Lives (Even If It’s Without Us)
Cheer your friends on for hanging out with each other … even if it’s without you!It might sound like counterintuitive friendship advice. But the truth is, when my friends have rich, full social lives, I actually benefit more than anyone. In this episode, I’m going to share some stories where I have either encouraged my friends to make other friends or actually cheered them on for hanging out witho
The Extraordinary Ripple Effects of Small Moments of Connection with Amy Stafford
Imagine you’re an expat in Berlin in the early 2000s, with no smartphones, no social media, and barely any internet. You walk down the street and spot someone wearing a T-shirt made by a friend from your past life in Baltimore. Do you approach them? Well, that’s what today’s guest Amy Stafford did – and this moment led her to being part of the Lucky Trimmer, one of the most beloved dance festivals
There’s a Spectrum to “Belonging” to a Group … and That’s OK!
One of the best things about being part of a group – whether a book club, neighborhood, friend group, or formal community – is feeling like you belong to something.But that feeling isn’t always instant; sometimes, if you’re new, you might wonder, at what point do I actually fit in? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode: what belonging to a group actually feels like vs. what we think i
Moving Past Inconvenience and Leaning into the JOY of Helping Our Friends
Lately I’ve been hearing about how the price of community is inconvenience.You know what I’m talking about: those posts about how, if you want a village, you have to be a villager. You have to give the rides, buy the gifts, and drop off the meals. But I think these messages focusing on inconvenience are missing the point.Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for a friend who has wanted to be a mom for
Reframing Rejection with Tanesha Moody
When putting yourself out there, rejection is inevitable. But here’s a reframe you might need to hear: YOU are not being rejected. It’s only your OFFER that is being rejected.Tanesha Moody was, at one point, drowning in rejection from every direction, from job applications to dating apps to her own friendships. Instead of retreating, she got curious and discovered the transformative power of separ
Write Your Own Friendship Manual: Building Authentic Relationships While Neurodivergent with Lee Hopkins
Have you ever felt like everyone but you received some kind of friend-making manual?Today’s guest, Lee Hopkins, is a social connections and business culture coach and CEO of Patterns of Possibility – but his journey to this work started with his own decades-long struggle. In this episode, Lee shares about navigating friendship after recently learning that he has autism, and how this revelation has
How to Not Feel Neglected in Conversations with Friends (and Why Sometimes TMI is a Good Thing)
It happens to all of us: you leave an interaction and realize the conversation was all about the other person. They didn’t ask a thing about you. Today’s episode is about feeling ignored in conversations with friends. In these situations, it’s easy to play the blame game, but the truth is, we are all responsible for our half of the connection.What do you say when a friend asks how you’re doing? Do
[REPLAY] The Enormous Impact of Small Intimacies
Sometimes to feel closer to our friends there’s this pressure to share our most vulnerable feelings or unearth some deep, dark secret. But what if I told you there are more ways to feel connected to our friends that are actually simpler, easier, and more common? That in fact, there are DOZENS of ways we’re trying to open up to each other, but because they’re not “big” shares, they’re often overloo
[REPLAY] You Say You Want a Village … But Do You?
Your village is out there, waiting for you. It might even be knocking on your door, and you haven’t realized. People often think they need to make enormous shifts to find community; they need to move to a tiny village on the other side of the world or into a compound in the woods. But that’s not true. Here’s what you actually need: subtle shifts and a willingness to be uncomfortable. So many peopl
[REPLAY] An Extensive Look at the Wheel of Connection
This whole podcast was only a dream a couple years ago, and here we are now with 100 episodes. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for sharing these conversations with your friends.In this episode, I share some life updates and talk intensely about the Wheel of Connection (view this visual diagram!), which is a foundational concept to my work. I give an overview about each of the categori
[REPLAY] Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots
About three years ago, many of my friends moved away within a six month period.While I was excited for these friends, I also grieved; my friends are my main support system, my family. How would I keep these friendships alive? I invested a lot of energy into thinking about it, through which I developed what I’m tentatively calling the “Your People” framework.The best way to think about this framewo
[REPLAY] What Is A Friend? And the 4 Types of Friends We All Have
[REPLAY] FOUNDATIONAL FRIENDSHIP IRL EPISODEThis month, I’m replaying four episodes that I consider FOUNDATIONAL to understanding all other Friendship IRL episodes. These are the episodes that break down the frameworks and mindset shifts you need to build the connections you want. EPISODE DESCRIPTIONToday’s foundational episode tackles this ONE question: What is a friend, really?A lot of people ar
Reframing the Idea of “Quality” in Friendship
Quality over quantity – you’ve probably heard this phrase when it comes to friendship, right?So many of us strive for a few “quality” all-encompassing friendships, thinking that’s better than having lots of less intimate friends. But is that way of thinking actually limiting us?There will be times in your life – maybe as a new parent, or after a loss – when you’ll gravitate toward the friends who
The Surprising Benefits of a Friendship Pause
Picture this: you're staring at a text thread with your friend, and you realize you've had the same argument three times the past month. You love this person … but right now, you kind of can't stand them. Today, we're talking about friendship pauses. Let me be clear: this isn't ghosting, breaking up, the silent treatment, or a passive-aggressive power move. A friendship pa
Social Engineering Your Way Into Friendship, From Picnics to the Six Points of Connection, with Charlotte Massey
Have you ever moved somewhere new and felt like you were on the outside looking in?This was Charlotte Massey when she moved to Seattle in the midst of the pandemic, when making friends was borderline impossible. Instead of accepting isolation, she got strategic about it. We’re taking friend-dating spreadsheets and sales funnel approaches.Charlotte is the executive director for the Seattle chapter
All About Fringe Friends
Have you ever felt like you were the “extra invite?” The “filler friend?” The friend who gets invited to the big events but never the intimate gatherings?There are lots of reasons people find themselves in this position. Maybe a big life change has altered friend dynamics; maybe you’re just in a totally new friendship group. But maybe you’re also exhibiting behaviors that are keeping you on the fr
Being a Social Artist and Why Friendship Deserves Its Own Soundtrack With Leïla Six
There are songs about romantic heartbreak, but where are the songs about losing a friend who meant EVERYTHING to you? That’s what Leïla Six and I want to know.Today’s guest, Leïla Six, is a singer-songwriter who is asking the hard questions about friendship in her music, using art to contribute to a culture that values all kinds of love, not just the romantic kind.In this episode, we dive deep on
Navigating the Great Friendship Shift with Ericka Parker
A few years ago, five sets of my friends moved away within a six-month period. These people were my emergency contacts, the people I did Sunday dinners with. I was devastated.This isn’t a unique experience; it often happens to people in their late 20s and early 30s, when life paths start to diverge. Friends get married and have kids. They travel the world and pursue their careers. The friendships
The Spectrum of Digital Connection, From “Likes” to Deep Conversations
The other day I was telling a friend about my goal to be better about responding to text messages in a more timely manner. My friend agreed: this was something I needed to work on! And this was fair. Other friends have called me out on this, too. But after recent episodes about virtual communities, parasocial relationships, and online friendship, it hit me that I’m not actually bad at ALL digital
Making Friends Online with Minded Society Co-Founders Marcela and Claudia
In the past few episodes, I’ve talked about keeping in touch with friends through the digital space. This episode goes a step further: how do you MAKE friends online?Today’s guests are Claudia and Marcela, the mother-daughter duo behind the Minded Society, which offers a supportive virtual environment for women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, with monthly events, book clubs, and personalized connectio
Are Online Friends REAL Friends? (Hint: YES!)
Are online friends REAL friends? I’m not talking about parasocial relationships, which are one-sided relationships; I’m talking about people you’ve had conversations with, people who know things about you. My personal opinion is that they most certainly are.In this episode, I talk in-depth about the difference between my friends I met in person and the friends I met online. I combat some of the pu
Using Parasocial Relationships as a Bridge For Real Community Instead of a Replacement For It
The term ‘parasocial relationship’ was coined in the 1950s by American sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl to describe how people connected with TV personalities at the time. Today, parasocial relationships have expanded to include celebrities, influencers, athletes – even podcast hosts! Social media in particular has taken parasocial relationships to a new level; it blows my mind how much
Using Data to Manage the Friendship Mental Load With Mark Houghton
When was the last time you just called a friend because you wanted to talk?We carry these super computers in our pockets, but sometimes, using them to stay in touch feels more complicated than ever. There are some people we can ring spontaneously. Others require multiple rounds of scheduling.This episode is about the gap between wanting to stay connected and actually doing it. Today’s guest Mark H
How Deep Friendship Can Impact Radical Change with Priya Vulchi
Sometimes friendship can be a powerful force for social and political change.This is according to today’s guest, Priya Vulchi, author of the newly-released (and AMAZING!) Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World, which offers a resounding cry that friendship is vital, not just for individual well-being, but for humanity itself.Priya is the co-founder of the nonprofit, Choose; was the young
Super Psyched: The 4 Types of Connection We All Need with Dr. Adam Dorsay
Have you ever stopped to think about what connection actually IS? How do you define the multi-faceted thing that we talk about all the time on this podcast? That’s what our guest, Dr. Adam Dorsay, is tasked with in this episode. Dr. Dorsay is a licensed psychologist, executive coach to high-achieving adults in Silicon Valley, host of the award-winning podcast, Super Psyched, and presenter of two a
The Easy Ask
Who in your life are you most consistently connected to? Is it a partner? A roommate? A friend, sibling, or parent? Now tell me this: when was the last time you wanted to lean into an interest, and you automatically asked this particular person to join … even though it wasn’t their thing? I call this the “easy ask,” and I think it’s a universal experience. I came up with the term years ago when I
The Awkwardness of Making Friends When You Can’t Rely on Proximity
A few months ago, I made a professional connection, and the energy felt good. As we neared the end of our working relationship, I realized I didn’t want this connection to end – but there was no logical way for us to get together. We weren’t in the same industry. I didn’t know if we had overlapping hobbies.The whole situation got me thinking about this weird gray zone we sometimes find ourselves i
How Small Acts of Kindness Can Create Monumental Ripple Effects with Bryan Driscoll, author of The Goodness Game
Do you ever think about how one small act of kindness can literally change the direction of someone's life? What if YOU could cause that turning point?Today I’m sitting with Bryan Driscoll, author of The Goodness Game, who took an act of kindness he received 20 years ago in Orlando and, with the help of a Craigslist ad, paid it forward in a way that made national headlines and enormous ripple
Speed Friending With Georgia Huntley
There are endless ways to make friends as an adult, and today we’re diving into one I have never covered before: speed friending.To some of you, this will sound terrifying at first, but stick with me, because it’s actually pretty brilliant! Today’s guest is Georgia Huntley, founder of Friends of Friends, who is doing something really special in the friendship space.Georgia hosts speed friending e
Taking Political Action and Being a Connector Instead of an “Online Warrior”
During the pandemic, like many others, I felt politically charged, and I channeled this energy into being an online warrior.On social media, I reposted it all, making it clear where I stood – only to realize this wasn’t my highest use. I wasn’t actually reading the books or taking the actions. I wondered: what could I do instead? That’s how I ended up here. Real community requires something most A
Do You Enjoy Your Friendships?
Are you enjoying your friendships? Are you able to be present with your people and soak up your time together?So often, people focus on what’s missing in their friendships. They have this idea of what “peak” friendship might look like, which gets in the way of being grateful for what is there. I’m here to remind you that there is a stark contrast between HAVING connections and ENJOYING them. And t
