Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal
Choosing To Stay After Infidelity & Betrayal is a podcast for couples navigating the aftermath of infidelity, betrayal, and broken trust. It offers trauma-informed tools and honest conversations for both the betrayed partner and the partner who caused harm. Hosted by Hali Roderick, the show explores trust repair, emotional regulation, accountability, boundaries, and discernment. It emphasizes not rushing forgiveness or promoting a one-size-fits-all outcome, but rather grounded hope and realistic recovery paths.
Episodes
#180 Doing Recovery vs. Living Recovery: What Actually Heals a Relationship After Betrayal with Mike Tiede
You've done the work. So why does healing still feel like something you're performing instead of living? In this episode, Hali sits down with psychologist and partner specialist Mike Tiede to unpack the difference between doing recovery and living it — and why so many couples get stuck in the gap between the two.About Mike Tiede:Mike is a Master 's-level, Licensed Psychologist (MA, LP)
#179 - 5 Ways to Stay in Your Marriage Without Losing Yourself After Infidelity and Betrayal
When you're trying to heal a marriage after infidelity or betrayal, it's easy for recovery to become the center of everything.In this episode, Hali explores five ways couples can rebuild trust and emotional safety after betrayal without either partner disappearing in the process.Whether you are the betrayed partner or the partner who broke trust, healing after infidelity isn't just abo
#178 Understanding Intimacy Anorexia — with Dr. Janice Caudill, PhD
"Intimacy anorexia" is one of the most talked-about — and most misunderstood — terms in betrayal recovery. In this episode, I set out to understand it honestly, with one of the most credentialed voices in the field - Dr. Janice Caudill.This conversation is built for couples. Whether you're the betrayed partner or the one working to rebuild trust, we look at how intimacy breaks down,
#177 One Hour a Week Was Never Going to Be Enough
If you're a woman and you’re doing the work — therapy, coaching, reading everything you can get your hands on — and you're still white-knuckling it alone most days of the week, this episode is for you. I talk about why healing from betrayal trauma was never going to happen in one hour a week, including from my own experience, and about a pattern I see constantly: how much of our time, mone
#176 The Fight Under the Fight — Decoding What Betrayal Trauma Does to Your Everyday Arguments
If you're rebuilding trust after infidelity, you've probably noticed something strange: small disagreements can escalate way faster and way bigger than the topic seems to deserve. A dish in the sink. A short text back. Being fifteen minutes late.In this episode, we talk about why that happens — and it's not because either of you is being dramatic. After betrayal, your nervous system st
#175 The Separation Plan Guide: Navigating Time Apart After Betrayal Trauma with Shawna Meek, PCC, CPC-S
"Separation" doesn't have to mean divorce. In this episode, I'm joined by Shawna Meek of Living Stones Coaching to talk about the therapeutic separation — a structured, intentional time apart designed to create safety and clarity for couples navigating betrayal.Whether you're considering time apart or just trying to understand your options, this conversation offers a grounded starting point. Conne
***BONUS Choosing Different Mini Series: What I Wish I'd Done Differently with my daughters, Mataia and Morgan
In this episode of the Choosing Different mini-series, Hali is joined by her daughters, Mataia and Morgan, for an honest conversation about betrayal trauma's impact on the whole family — not just the marriage. Hali reflects on what she believed she was doing right at the time (staying reassuring, keeping hard details between the adults) and what she's since learned she missed about how her
#174 It's Not Too Late: Healing an Affair You Thought Was Behind You
If the betrayal in your relationship happened years ago — and life moved forward, but the deepest layers of healing never actually happened — this episode is for you.Maybe the resources weren't available at the time. Maybe neither of you had the language for what betrayal trauma actually is. Maybe you got through the facts but never did the deeper grief work. Whatever the reason, when real rep
#173 Betrayed Men: Why Their Trauma Looks Different — and What Actually Helps with Dr. Laney Knowlton
When we talk about betrayal trauma, the picture most people carry is of a betrayed woman. But men experience betrayal too — and their pain often goes unseen, misread as anger, or dismissed entirely. In this episode, Dr. Laney Knowlton joins us to look honestly at what betrayal trauma looks like for men.We talk about the support gap, look at the cultural messages men carry, and how those make heali
#172 Why the Right Words Aren't Enough: Embodied Empathy in Betrayal Recovery
You can say all the right words and still leave your partner feeling completely unsafe.If you're the partner who caused harm, that may be the most frustrating thing you've encountered in recovery — you apologized, you said "I understand," you told her you're here, and somehow it still landed wrong. In this episode, Hali explains why your partner isn't responding to your w
*** BONUS Choosing Different Mini Series: Three Words Every Parent Owes Their Child: "I Believe You"
What happens when a child no longer has to convince their parent that their pain was real?In this episode of Choosing Different Mini Series, Hali sits down with her daughter, Morgan Ellsworth, for a short, unscripted conversation about one of the most healing things a parent can offer: belief. They talk about the three quiet ways parents unintentionally dismiss a child's experience - through d
#171 Elements of Healthy Relationships in Recovery with Randi Gray
What does a truly healthy relationship look like after infidelity and betrayal — and is it even possible to get there? In this episode, Hali sits down with Dr. Randi Gray, Licensed Professional Counselor and PhD in Psychology, to break down the real, practical elements of healthy relationships in betrayal recovery.Dr. Gray has spent 12 years specializing in pornography and sex addiction and betray
***BONUS: Choosing Different Mini Series: The Conversations I Wish Every Parent and Child Could Have with my 2 Adult Daughters, Mataia and Morgan
This is the first episode of the Choosing Different mini-series of conversations between Hali and her two adult daughters, who were both teenagers when their family was in the thick of betrayal and dysfunction. Instead of letting that experience pull them apart, they've been doing the slow, unglamorous work of healing, learning each other again, and trying to break some of the generational pat
#170 "Why It Sometimes Gets Worse Before It Gets Better — And What Actually Helps After Disclosure"
You finally know the truth. So why do you feel worse?If you're the betrayed partner and your fear, anger, and grief have grown rather than shrunk since disclosure, the first thing Hali wants you to hear is that there's nothing wrong with you. In this solo episode, Hali explains why it's common for trauma symptoms to temporarily increase after the truth comes out — and why the usual adv
#169 The Spiritual Intelligence Behind Real Change After Betrayal with Dr. Yosi Amram
When someone betrays a partner and then starts doing "the work," the person who was hurt is left with an exhausting question: is this real, or is he just saying the right things? In this episode, host Hali Roderick is joined by psychologist Dr. Yosi Amram, known for his work on spiritual intelligence, to explore one of the most painful uncertainties in betrayal recovery — the difference
#168 Apology vs. Amends: Why "I'm Sorry" Isn't Enough After Betrayal
An apology is a moment. Making amends is a process - and confusing the two is one of the most common places betrayal recovery gets stuck.In this solo episode, Hali breaks down the real difference between apologizing and making amends after infidelity and betrayal. An apology expresses remorse, and it often marks where repair begins, but it was never built to carry the full weight of what betrayal
#167 Masculine and Feminine: Why Getting the Balance Right in Your Relationship Matters with Tyler Patrick
There's a dynamic underneath a lot of disconnected relationships that almost nobody names — and when it collapses, it can quietly erode intimacy. In this episode, I'm joined by Tyler Patrick, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and co-host of the Therapy Brothers podcast, to talk about masculine and feminine energy as a relational dynamic — what it is, how it gets out of balance, and wh
#166 Why Shame Is the Enemy of Accountability — And What to Do About It with Jacob Fletcher, CMCH, CSAT
One of the biggest obstacles to healing after betrayal isn't a lack of love — it's shame. When the person in recovery floods with shame, they lose the ability to truly listen, hold space, or take accountability. And without that, trust cannot rebuild.In this episode, Hali sits down with Jacob Fletcher, a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (CSAT), to talk about what real relational healin
#165 The Groundhog Day of Disclosure: Why the Same Questions Keep Coming
After betrayal, one of the most exhausting patterns couples hit is what I call the Groundhog Day of disclosure: the betrayed partner asking the same questions again and again, while the partner who caused the harm feels like nothing they say is ever enough. In this episode, we unpack what's actually happening underneath that loop — why the repeated question isn't an interrogation but a ner
#164 The Children in the Room: Navigating Divorce and Betrayal Without Breaking Your Kids with Katie Padilla, Certified Family Law Specialist
When a marriage is in crisis, the conversation almost always centers on the couple. But what about the children sitting in the middle of it?In this episode, certified family law specialist and founder of Bloom Family Law, Katie Padilla, joins us for an honest conversation about what kids actually experience when families fracture — and what parents can do to minimize the damage, whether they choos
#163 Control Isn't Safety: Understanding the Parent-Child Dynamic After Betrayal
If you've been checking your partner's location for the fifth time in an hour - or waiting for your spouse to hand you a roadmap to your own recovery - this episode is for you.The parent-child dynamic is one of the most common and least talked about patterns that forms after betrayal. It makes complete sense that it develops. And staying in it will cost you both.Enjoyed This Episode?If thi
#162 When ADHD Meets Betrayal Trauma: Understanding Recovery for the Whole Family System with Monifa Ellis-Addie, LMFT, CSAT, CCSP and Morgan Ellsworth, LAMFT, CCSP
What happens when ADHD and betrayal trauma collide in the same family? This episode is one of the most important conversations we've had on the podcast — and it's one that doesn't get talked about enough in the recovery space.Hali Roderick, CPC, ACC, sits down with two incredible therapists to unpack how ADHD shows up across every part of the betrayal trauma family system — from the person with pr
#161 Why Can’t We Connect Deeper? Exploring the Hidden Struggles of Connection After Betrayal
One of the most confusing parts of healing after betrayal is that couples can do “all the right things” and still feel emotionally disconnected.In this episode of Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal, we explore why emotional connection after betrayal trauma can feel so complicated—even when healing is happening.We also share about our upcoming Rise & Renew Couples Retreat in Costa R
#160 When Your Body Decides the Relationship Is No Longer Safe" Understanding the Nervous System Trauma Loop in Betrayal Recovery
Have you ever wondered why you and your partner keep having the same painful conversations — even when you both want things to be different? The answer might be in what your body has decided about the relationship.In this episode, we're going deep into what happens at the nervous system level when a couple has been living inside a trauma loop for too long.Whether you are the betrayed partner,
***BONUS EPISODE*** You’re Invited: Becoming Together Mother-Daughter Retreat with my daughters, Mataia and Morgan
What does it look like when a mother and daughter do the healing work together? In this special episode, I'm joined by my daughters to pull back the curtain on the Becoming Together Mother-Daughter Retreat, an intimate gathering just outside Sedona, Arizona, designed for moms and daughters who are both actively doing their personal growth work and ready to bring it into their relationship.We talk
#159 Why Every Conversation Feels So Hard After Betrayal
After infidelity or betrayal, even simple conversations can feel loaded, tense, or unsafe.You may feel like:You’re trying to connect… but it keeps going wrongYour partner misunderstands youEvery conversation turns into conflictIn this episode, we explore the concept of mistranslation after betrayal—how both partners can be reaching for connection but experiencing each other as a threat due to nerv
#158 What Actually Changes When Healing Is Happening
After betrayal, one of the most common questions couples ask is: “How do we know if we’re actually healing?” Are we moving forward… or just surviving? Is this real progress… or just a calm before another storm?Healing after infidelity or betrayal rarely arrives with certainty. It doesn’t usually feel dramatic, resolved, or even peaceful. Instead, healing often shows up in subtle shifts — more capa
#157 Boundaries That Heal vs. Boundaries That Punish
After betrayal, boundaries become one of the most talked about — and most misunderstood — parts of healing. Many couples find themselves stuck in painful cycles where boundaries meant to create safety instead lead to more conflict, defensiveness, and distance.In this episode, we explore the difference between boundaries that heal and boundaries that punish, and why that distinction matters for cou
#156 Anger After Betrayal — What It Really Means & How to Work With It with Matt Wenger, LPC, CSAT, CCPS
Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions in betrayal trauma — but still shapes every interaction, every conversation, and every attempt at repair.In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by Matt Wenger, LPC, CSAT, CCSP to unpack what anger actually is, what it’s protecting, and why nervous system regulation is the key to responding rather than reacting.Because anger isn’t the problem. It’s
#155 Resolving the Push-Pull Dynamic of the Trauma Bond with Dr. Nima Rahmany
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Nima Rahmany to unpack the push-pull dynamic that so many couples experience after betrayal or relational trauma.He explains how our nervous system shifts between states like fight-or-flight, shutdown, and connection—and how real healing requires learning to regulate those states rather than just understanding the dynamics intellectually.Dr. Nima Rahmany is a n
#154 Healing Fatigue After Betrayal: When You’re Both Just Tired
After betrayal, many couples expect the hardest part to be the initial crisis. But what often comes next is something quieter—and just as real: healing fatigue.In this episode, we talk about what happens when the adrenaline wears off, the urgency fades, and both partners begin to feel emotionally and relationally exhausted. This episode offers validation, relational clarity, and practical ways for
#153 Staying or Leaving After Betrayal — Discernment for Both Partners
After betrayal, one of the most painful questions couples face is: Do we stay… or do we leave?In this episode, we explore why that question feels so urgent after betrayal—and why clarity rarely comes through forcing a decision. This episode is for couples navigating the messy middle—where nothing is fully resolved yet, but healing is still possible.Staying is not a lifetime contract. Leaving is no
#152 The Individual Healing That Saved Our Marriage with Chance and Crystal
Today we’re talking about something that can feel counterintuitive when a relationship is in crisis: slowing down and focusing on individual healing first. So many couples rush to fix the relationship, but sometimes the path forward starts with healing me before healing us.I’m honored to be joined by Chance and Crystal, a couple who share their honest and powerful journey of how individual healing
#151 Why Apologies Aren’t Enough to Heal Betrayal Trauma
Why doesn’t an apology fix betrayal trauma? If you’ve experienced infidelity, pornography addiction, or relational betrayal, you may have heard the words “I’m sorry” over and over… and yet still feel unsafe, unsettled, or unable to move forward.In this episode, we explore a powerful truth:Apologies matter—but they don’t heal betrayal trauma on their own.Betrayal trauma isn’t just an emotional woun
#150 What Accountability Actually Means After Betrayal (And What It Doesn’t)
Accountability is one of the most talked-about — and most misunderstood — parts of betrayal recovery.For many couples healing after infidelity or sexual betrayal, the word accountability can feel loaded with fear: punishment, humiliation, endless judgment, or never being able to move forward.But true accountability isn’t about being shamed.It’s about becoming trustworthy again.In this episode of C
#149 The Inner Child Model™: Understanding Pain, Behavior, and Healing with Dr. Eddie Capparucci
In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Eddie Capparucci, a licensed professional counselor and creator of the Inner Child Model™, to explore how emotional regulation, childhood wounds, and nervous system healing play a powerful role in both addiction recovery and betrayal trauma.Dr. Capparucci has spent decades helping individuals and couples understand how unresolved emotional pain from childhood sha
#148: Don’t Forget the Children: Betrayal Trauma’s Impact on the Family System
Betrayal trauma is often talked about as a couple’s crisis, but betrayal is never contained to the marriage alone.In this episode, Hali Roderick and her daughter Morgan Ellsworth explore the often-overlooked impact of parental betrayal on children and the entire family system.As professionals in the betrayal trauma field, and as a mother and daughter who have firsthand experience, they invite list
#147 We’re Both Grieving — But Not the Same Way: How Couples Navigate Grief Together After Betrayal
Grief is one of the most misunderstood parts of betrayal recovery — especially for couples who are choosing to stay.In this episode, Hali Roderick explores how grief shows up differently for betrayed partners and betraying partners, why couples often feel out of sync in the healing process, and how the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) helps couples navigate grief in the post-tra
#146 Grief After Betrayal: What Men Lose—and Why It Matters for Healing
Grief after betrayal is rarely talked about—especially when it comes to men.In this episode, we explore grief after betrayal for men, including men in recovery, men who have caused harm, and men who have betrayed themselves. While grief is often associated with sadness or loss through death, betrayal creates layers of invisible loss that many men carry without language—or permission—to acknowledge
#145 Nutrition, Trauma, and Recovery: Using Food as an Ally, Not Another Battleground with Dr. David Wiss
Today’s conversation sits at the intersection of trauma, recovery, and compassion for the body.Many listeners of Choosing to Stay are navigating betrayal trauma, addiction recovery—either their own or their partner’s—and ongoing nervous system overwhelm. In those seasons, nutrition can either feel like a powerful support… or like one more place we’re falling short.In this episode, I’m joined by Dr
#144 When Love Becomes a Threat: How Betrayal Rewires the Nervous System—and What Helps
After betrayal, many couples believe they’re struggling with communication—but what’s really happening is much deeper. Betrayal doesn’t just break trust; it rewires the nervous system, changing how safety is experienced inside the relationship. In this episode, we explore why conversations feel loaded after betrayal, why small behaviors can feel overwhelming, and how nervous system responses—like
#143 Staying When You’re the Only One Doing the Work — with Tammy Gustafson, MA, LPC
What does it really mean to stay grounded in yourself when you’re the one doing the emotional work in the relationship?In this episode, I’m joined by Tammy Gustafson, MA, LPC—trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, speaker, founder of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling, host of the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, and author of Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Heali
#142 Why Your Body Doesn’t Trust Yet (Even If Your Brain Wants To)
“One of the most painful places couples get stuck after betrayal is right here: One partner is thinking, ‘We’re okay. Why can’t we move on?’ And the other is thinking, ‘I want to—but my body keeps panicking.’ And both end up wondering what’s wrong with them.In this episode, I want to explain why this disconnect happens—not because someone is resisting healing, but because the nervous system doesn’
BONUS Episode Rise, Renew Restore: A Transformative Women’s Retreat in Costa Rica
In this special bonus episode, Hali Roderick is joined by her friends and trusted colleagues Amie Woolsey and Alana Gordon for a shared conversation about the heart, vision, and deeper purpose behind the Rise, Renew, Restore Women’s Retreat in Costa Rica.Together, we explore why this retreat is about so much more than getting away — it’s about creating true nervous-system relief, embodied healing,
#141 When “We’re Still Together” Isn’t the Same as Healing
Many couples stay together after infidelity—but staying together isn’t the same as healing.In this episode of Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal, we explore the quiet, often unspoken space many couples live in after betrayal: life looks calmer on the outside, but underneath there’s still tension, disconnection, or a sense of holding your breath.This conversation gently examines how avo
#140 Can You Really Heal After Betrayal?
Can a relationship really heal after infidelity—or does staying just mean learning how to live with the pain?In this relaunch episode of Choosing To Stay After Infidelity & Betrayal, we’re slowing things down and getting honest about what healing actually requires. Whether you’re the betrayed partner wondering if you’ll ever feel safe again, or the partner who broke trust and wants to repair b
#139 Renewed Commitment — Doing Whatever It Takes to Mend Betrayal
This episode is one of the early conversations that shaped the heart of this podcast, and we’re bringing it back because its message is just as important today as it was when it first aired. If you’re in the aftermath of betrayal or rebuilding a relationship after broken trust, this episode lays the groundwork for understanding what true repair requires.In this re-released conversation, we explore
#138 Trauma Triage: What Couples Need in the Early Days After Betrayal
This special re-release revisits one of the most important conversations from our early episodes — an episode so foundational that we felt it needed to be heard again. If you or your spouse are in the early stages of betrayal trauma, discovery, or relational crisis, this conversation will give you the grounding, clarity, and practical steps you need to begin healing.In this re-released episode, we
#137 Looking Back, Looking Forward: A Special Episode About Transition & Growth
This special episode of Choosing to Stay marks a heartfelt transition and an important moment for our community. Hali and Stephanie sit down for one final conversation as co-hosts to reflect on what this podcast has become, how it has supported so many navigating betrayal trauma and relational healing, and what the future now holds. In this episode, Stephanie gently announces that she is stepping
#136 Emotional Recovery in Relationship Repair
Stopping destructive behaviors is only the beginning. In recovery after betrayal, many partners achieve behavioral sobriety but struggle with emotional sobriety—the ability to regulate, integrate, and share emotions in real time. In this episode, we’ll break down the psychology of emotional sobriety, how compartmentalization keeps couples stuck, and what moving toward integration looks like for bo
#135 Healing Is the Gift You Give to Yourself (and Everyone You Love)
In this episode, we share a core truth of couples' recovery: healing starts with honoring yourself — and that personal work naturally becomes a gift to your partner, your children, and future generations. Healing isn’t about fixing each other; it’s about becoming grounded, regulated, and emotionally responsible.We talk about how individual healing lowers reactivity, strengthens emotional toler
#134 Supporting Children Through the Holidays After Betrayal
In this episode, Hali welcomes her daughter, Morgan Ellsworth, BCC, MFT-I to talk about how to help children feel secure, loved, and grounded during the holidays when the family system is healing from betrayal. Kids pick up on tension, silence, and emotional shifts more than words - but they don’t need perfection, they need presence. This conversation explores how to offer age-appropriate honesty,
#133 Meeting Your Betrayed Spouse in the Mess: Empathy, Patience, and Presence Through the Holidays
In this honest and compassionate episode, Hali and Stephanie speak directly to those who have betrayed trust and are navigating the deep discomfort of the holiday season.When you’re the one who caused harm, it’s natural to want to “fix” things — to bring joy back, to create happy moments, to prove your love and remorse. But often, that well-intentioned positivity can feel like bypass to your partn
#132 When the Season Doesn’t Feel Merry: Honoring Grief, Creating Boundaries, and Finding Grace
In this heartfelt episode, When the Season Doesn’t Feel Merry: Honoring Grief, Creating Boundaries, and Finding Grace, Hali and Stephanie talk about how to navigate the holidays when your heart is still healing from betrayal. The season that’s “supposed to be” full of joy and family connection can feel heavy and disorienting after trust has been broken. Together they explore how to name and honor
***BONUS EPISODE*** Rooted & Rising: A New Space for Women Healing After Betrayal
In this special episode, Hali shares from the heart about her next chapter — the creation of Rooted & Rising After Betrayal, a new podcast and healing community for women walking the path of recovery after infidelity and betrayal.While Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal will continue to support couples doing the brave work of relational healing, Rooted & Rising offers a sacred
#131 When Healing Feels Exhausting
Healing after betrayal is some of the hardest emotional work a person can face — and it is exhausting. Recovery requires constant emotional energy, rebuilding trust, courage, and change over time. That level of effort wears on everyone involved.In this episode, we acknowledge how draining the process can feel for both the betrayed partner and the partner in recovery, and how that exhaustion can af
#130 Honesty After Betrayal: Breaking the Cycle of Lying and Rebuilding Trust
Lying often begins as self-protection—but in the aftermath of betrayal, it becomes one of the biggest barriers to rebuilding connection. In this solo episode, Hali explores why lying becomes a habit, how it deepens disconnection, and what it takes to courageously choose honesty as part of the healing journey. Whether you’re the partner in recovery or the betrayed partner navigating trust issues, t
#129- Can We Dream Again? Finding New Hopes After Betrayal
After betrayal, the future can feel like it’s been stolen. For the betrayed partner, dreams may feel shattered or unsafe to hold. For the one seeking recovery, hope for the future may be tangled with guilt, fear, or the pressure to “make things right.”In this episode, we’ll talk about what it means to truly process grief, why timing matters, and how both partners can begin to cautiously, safely, a
#128- Acceptance vs. Resignation When Choosing to Stay
When couples stay together after betrayal, there’s a difference between acceptance and resignation. Acceptance leads to hope and healing; resignation leads to disconnection and despair. In this episodeWhat acceptance vs. resignation really looks likeHow it shows up for both the betrayed and betraying partnerKey questions to help you discern where you arePractical steps to move from resignation int
#127- When Choosing To Stay is Healthy vs Unhealthy
Betrayal cuts deep, leaving both partners facing painful choices about the future of their relationship. For some, staying is the beginning of an authentic rebuilding process; for others, it becomes a form of self-betrayal. In this episode, we unpack the why and the how of staying after betrayal.We approach this conversation from both perspectives: the betrayed partner and the one who has betrayed
#126 Small Ways To Rebuild Trust
Trust after betrayal doesn’t return with one big moment. It’s not only rebuilt through formal disclosures, powerful apologies, or recovery milestones—it’s the hundreds of small choices made day after day.In this episode, we talk about the power of micro-trust: those tiny interactions that slowly teach a partner’s heart and nervous system, “Maybe I can breathe again. Maybe I can risk hope.”You’ll l
#125 An Invitation for Men: Step Into Whole Body Healing
In this episode of the Choosing to Stay Podcast, I’m opening up about something personal: my dad’s journey with Lewy Body Dementia and how it sparked my own concerns about brain health. As I walked through my own healing from emotional trauma, I began to realize something powerful—trauma isn’t just about thoughts or mindset. It lives in the brain and the body, shaping the way we show up in life an
#124 Breaking Shame, Building Connection: Chandler Rogers on Recovery & The Relay App
Chandler Rogers is the CEO and founder of Relay, an app designed to help people overcome pornography and sexual addiction through community and shame-free accountability. Inspired by his own recovery journey, Chandler created Relay to provide structure, daily tools, and connection for thousands navigating healing. He lives in Orem, Utah with his wife, their 18-month-old son, and another little one
#123 Disorganized Attachment – The Push-Pull Chaos
Do you ever find yourself craving closeness one moment and pulling away the next? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re diving deep into disorganized attachment — a pattern of connection rooted in the paradox of both desiring and fearing intimacy.You’ll learn:What disorganized attachment is and how it developsThe emotional, behavioral, and physiological signs to look forWhy betrayal trauma can
#122 Avoidant Attachment – The Pull to Withdraw
Avoidant Attachment – The Pull to WithdrawIn this episode, we explore the core traits, beliefs, and relationship patterns of dismissive/avoidant attachment — a style often rooted in early experiences where emotional needs were minimized or dismissed. You’ll learn how these protective strategies form, the impact they can have on intimacy, and practical steps to move toward secure, balanced connect
#121 When fear of abandonment meets betrayal: How Anxious Attachment amplifies the pain
In this episode unpack anxious attachment — how inconsistent caregiving can lead to fear of rejection, hypervigilance, and dependency in relationships. Discussing how betrayal may amplify these patterns, what it looks like in adult relationships, and practical steps for moving toward secure connection.Thank you for tuning in!We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offer
#120 Moving Toward Secure Attachment After Betrayal
In this episode of Choosing to Stay, certified relational and recovery coaches Halle Roddick and Stephanie Hamby continue their multi-part series on attachment styles, focusing on secure attachment — what it looks like, how it develops, and why it’s a vital goal after infidelity and betrayal.They explore:What attachment theory is and the four main styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized)Ho
#119 How Family of Origin Shapes Our Relationships Before and After Betrayal
Thank you for tuning in! Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal The patterns we learned in childhood often become the lens through which we respond to betrayal. In this episode, we explore how your family of origin shapes the way you love, trust, and handle conflict—and why recognizing these patterns is essential for healing. From attachment styles to emotional suppression, we unpack commo
#118 From Victim to Survivor to Thriver: A New Path for Both Partners After Betrayal
After betrayal, healing isn’t about rushing to “get over it”—it’s about honoring what happened and who you’re becoming.In this episode, we walk through the transformation from victim to survivor to thriver—not as a formula, but as a compassionate roadmap for reclaiming your peace, your power, and your partnership (if you choose to stay).You’ll learn:What each phase really looks and feels like—emot
#117 Relational Injustice: Who breaks and roles in rebuilding
Thank you for tuning in!Betrayal doesn’t just damage trust—it disrupts the very foundation of fairness and emotional safety in a relationship. In today’s episode of Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal, Hali and Stephanie unpack a critical truth that many couples overlook in the early stages of healing: true recovery begins when the betraying partner takes the lead.This episode explores
#116 Partner-Sensitive Recovery: The Missing Key to True Intimacy with Stephen Thomas
In this episode of Choosing to Stay, Hali welcomes Stephen Thomas, a seasoned sexual recovery coach who brings years of experience and a deeply personal understanding of the recovery journey. Stephen specializes in helping men move beyond behavior-focused sobriety by adopting a partner-sensitive lens—one that centers empathy, honesty, and emotional connection.Together, they unpack why true recove
#115 Rebuilding After the Fall: The Path of Shame Resilience
Thank you for tuning in!Shame Resilience in Recovery with Joseph McKinley In this episode of Choosing to Stay, we sit down with coach Joseph McKinley to talk about the role of shame in recovery and relational repair. We explore the difference between shame and guilt, how shame shows up in relationships, and why vulnerability and ownership are key to healing. Joseph shares tools, insights from hi
#114 Safety Starts Within Reclaiming Internal Grounding After Betrayal
Thank you for tuning in!Safety Starts Within Reclaiming Internal Grounding After BetrayalWhen betrayal shatters your world, safety feels lost. In this episode, we explore how true safety begins within, not in someone else's behavior. Whether you’re the one healing or the one working to rebuild trust, internal grounding is keyWe’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offer
#113 Nervous System Safety After Betrayal: How to Rebuild Trust in a Traumatized Relationship
In this episode, we explore how betrayal trauma impacts the nervous system and what it truly means to feel safe again in a relationship. If you or your partner have been affected by betrayal—whether through infidelity, secrecy, or other trust ruptures—this conversation will help you understand why emotional reactions are not just “drama,” but deeply rooted in trauma physiology.We’ll talk about wh
# 112 Rediscovering Self After Betrayal with Isy Williams
In this deeply insightful episode, we welcome our newest coaching colleague at Choose Recovery Services, Isy Williams, for a conversation that touches the heart of every betrayed partner’s healing journey: rediscovering the self after the deep shattering of betrayal.Together, we explore the often invisible yet powerful knowing that something is off—even before the truth is revealed—and the role th
#111 Love Bombing: How to Recognize It, Protect Yourself, and Break the Cycle
💔 Episode Summary:This episode will help you understand what love bombing really is, how it shows up in relationships after betrayal, and why it can be a form of manipulation or emotional abuse.✅ What love bombing is and what it isn't ✅ How to distinguish between genuine connection and manipulative intensity ✅ The red flags that indicate love bombing is occurring ✅ How it plays out in the betr
#110 Learning Vulnerability: Letting Your Spouse Know You After Betrayal
In This Episode: We explore what it really means to let your spouse know you beyond surface communication and into emotional truth. We’ll talk about the difference between empathy and vulnerability, how stuffing emotions can quietly stall your repair. The Importance of vulnerability that real connection can’t happen without it.What You’ll Learn:How your nervous system tries to protect you—and what
#109 Why Isn't She Healing Yet: 3 Myths Men Need to Unlearn with Luke Gordon
In this powerful episode, Hali Roderick and Luke Gordon unpack three of the most common myths that keep men stuck and prevent relationships from truly healing after betrayal. Whether you're early in your recovery journey or have been doing the work for a while, these insights will help you shift from unintentional harm to intentional healing.We also introduce the Help Her Heal Intensive for me
#107 Triggers Aren’t Setbacks — They’re Invitations to Heal
Triggers Aren’t Setbacks — They’re Invitations to HealIn this powerful episode, we dive deep into what happens when a betrayed spouse is triggered — especially when the trigger seems irrational or unrelated to the present moment. If you're the partner who has caused the betrayal, it can be confusing and overwhelming to understand these reactions. But how you respond in those moments matters more t
#108 How to Heal When Your Spouse Isn’t Doing the Work
📝 Show Notes: In this powerful and deeply honest episode, we’re exploring what it means to choose to stay in a relationship after betrayal—even when your spouse isn’t actively participating in the healing process.If you’ve found yourself in a place where you're committed to working through the pain, even though your partner isn’t fully engaged, this episode is for you.We’re not here to sugarcoat t
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