Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, hosted by Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, offers a conversational Q&A format based on listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and the effort required to heal from relationship betrayal. The hosts engage people dealing with painful life issues in a respectful and useful manner. They also host a live weekly webinar where they answer questions in real time. Dr. Rob is a licensed therapist and author, while Tami brings personal addiction knowledge and helps individuals and couples find resources and direction for healing.
Episodes
Engaging Your Brain in Repair and Recovery
John Taylor and Tami explore the importance of engaging executive functioning in relationship repair and recovery. John offers several questions that partners can ask to jump-start engagement in rebuilding trust. They then answer participant questions about transactional relationships, realistic expectations for change after 25 years of betrayal, and the reality of building a relationship with som
How Can I Rebuild Trust?
Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami answer participant questions about sex, love, and addiction. They cover the importance of honoring boundaries, effective check-ins, managing anger, and finding hope when it feels like your addiction has taken over your life. TAKEAWAYS: [2:40] How do I process multiple inner children in me? [5:07] Why has the language around betrayal become sanatized? [11:06] What
Sex and Intimacy Q & A for Partners and Parents
Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about boundaries, chronic betrayal, and recovery timelines. They address the pregnant partner, the betrayed spouse with an STD, and the mother of teens who wants to keep her children from following down the path of addiction and betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] Can ketamine EMDR help my betrayed wife? [7:10] I'm pregnant. Should I stop checking in on hi
Navigating Sexual Reintegration
Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about how to reintegrate sex, self-pleasure for partners, the pain of a sexless relationship and the role of "hopium". They offer perspective on demanding repair, seeking connection and the power of taking care of yourself no matter what your partner is or isn't doing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] What can I do to reclaim my sexuality? [11:02] Should I insist
Hoovering and the Narcissistic Cycles of Abuse
Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with
Why Is Your Spouse Not Your Priority?
Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about co-regulating, couples healing, betraying partners who continue to minimize and resources to help betrayed partners move forward. They also address maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms, the power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness, and the importance of honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [:50] How can I tell if m
Demonstrating Emotional Leadership
Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami explore the uncomfortable truths of emotional regulation, the importance of sitting with emotional discomfort, and realistic expectations for betrayal addicts and their partners to see improvements in their relationship. They then answer listener questions about emotional regulation techniques, timeframes, and the motivation behind seeking to be an emotionally regula
Help! I Miss My Betraying Partner
Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner? [6:50] Seeking Integrity resources th
Stop Doomscrolling and Start Hopescrolling
Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters. TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves yo
Is Therapeutic Separation Right For My Relationship?
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses therapeutic separation as an effective intervention for couples struggling with the impact of betrayal and addiction. She highlights the structure of therapeutic separation as a compassionate approach to help both individuals regain safety, clarity and hope in the relationship. She and Tami then answer participant questions about
Understanding Disenfranchised Grief and Betrayal Trauma
Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources tha
Why Men Struggle to Show Empathy
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Eddie Capparucci addresses the struggle of many men to show empathy, especially those who have dealt with childhood trauma and emotional neglect. He warns of the dangers of labels and offers insights into the biological and neurological factors that affect empathy. Then he and Tami answer participant questions about empathy in relationships, with strangers, a
5 Practices to Build Resiliency and Healthy Coping Mechanisms
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Scott Brassart discusses resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for both addicts and betrayed partners. He and Tami then answer participant questions about handling triggers, understanding big emotions, and addressing supercharged manifestations of shame. TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] Resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for everyone. [3:16] 5 practices to build resi
How Long Does Recovery Really Take?
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Rob and Tami answer listener questions about cheating, betrayal, sex and more. They address recovery, disclosure, and setting healthy boundaries throughout the recovery process, and offer a realistic timeline for partners to move from betrayal to intimacy and healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My wife is using my body for sex. Is this just a libido mismatch? [9:30]
Building Thriving Connection Post Betrayal
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith, and Joanna Raabsmith present "Building True Intimacy: A Roadmap to Relational Restoration After Sexual Betrayal." Together they consider how couples can effectively and efficiently move from betrayal and discovery to healing and connection, based on their book Building True Intimacy. They then answer participant questions about recov
Navigating Carried Shame
Licensed marriage and family therapist Kristin Snowden discusses carried shame and the danger of absorbing a betraying partner's shame-filled life. She offers hope and tools for resiliency so that a betrayed partner can move through their own healing and get their lives and self-worth back again. She and Tami then answer participant questions about shame, addiction, and healing. TAKEAWAYS: [1:3
Betrayal Induced Existential Crisis
Angela Spearman, CSAT describes "globalized mistrust" as the tsunami of impact on betrayed partners after discovery. But what are the core thoughts and fears underlying and maintaining that tsunami once it gets going? Together with Tami she addresses strategies for dealing with uncertainty, then answers participant questions about betrayal, boundaries, and triggers and more. TAKEAWAYS: [2:09]
Choosing Recovery Every Day
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about sex, cheating, intimacy, betrayal and more. They explore chronic lying, the power of mindset, the difference between firm boundaries and abuse, and more of the common but painful issues that betrayed partners face. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] I don't want my betraying partner to touch me. How can I show empathy? [5:42] How can I
Why Doesn't My Betraying Partner Hate Himself?
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Seeking Integrity Clinical Director Erin Snow and Tami consider the reasons that a betraying partner may refuse to admit their shame, whether it's worth waiting a few more days to see if a partner is going to start respecting boundaries, and how to respond to a partner's enmeshment, lying, and childhood trauma. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How can we get the recovery su
Counteractive Change Vs. Transformational Change
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and The Shoeless Therapist Matt Wheeler discuss two types of change – counteractive change and transformational change – and how each one impacts healing. They also consider honesty, manipulation, and lying; and warn listeners of the danger of a partner claiming that they'll never hurt you again. TAKEAWAYS: [1:57] Defining counteractive change and trans
Early Recovery Slogans and Mantras
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and CSAT Jon Taylor consider the implications of two-person psychology and how cheating and betrayal never affect just one person. Jon shares common early recovery mantras as they apply to the two-person psychology filter, then answers listener questions about lying, sobriety, and disclosure. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Mantras for early recovery in the two-person
Are You Volunteering Yourself for Pain?
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami address participant questions about sex, intimacy, betrayal, and addiction. They answer questions about finding peace with yourself in the midst of rage and repulsion, choosing recovery and allowing the process of forgiveness to play out, and how to find hope in the midst of betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] Forgiveness is a process and recovery i
Does Forgiveness Equal Trust?
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami address the facts about forgiveness, trust, connection and peace, both in the early days of recovery as well as years down the road. They offer strategies for effective in-house separation, call out the warning signs of gaslighting, and get serious about setting feelings aside to start facing the facts. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] How can I find an ac
Is He an Addict or Just an A**hole?
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal? [3:55] How do I know if my partner is
Regaining Trust After Relapse
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They offer resources for therapeutic separation, communication at every stage of recovery and reconciliation, and tools for practicing empathy with betrayed partners. TAKEAWAYS: [:24] Does my partner need to see a psychoanalyst first to get honest about hi
Healing Attachment Wounds with Troy Love
Troy Love and Tami answer participant questions about attachment wounds, shame, healthy boundaries, and the reality that an addict is always going to be an addict. It's only how they chose to move forward in recovery that will change their life for better. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My partner betrayed me and now we live like roommates. How can I refine myself whether I stay or go? [6:27] How can I stop
Rebuilding Trust Through Connection
Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about rebuilding trust through intimate conversations, ideas for setting healthy boundaries after betrayal, and the danger of an addict swearing that they're done acting out for the rest of their life. TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] Current and upcoming resources at Seeking Integrity. [3:20] Do sponsees pay upfront or make monthly payments? [4:45] Are there ag
Betrayal Brain with Debbie McRae
Debbie McRae and Tami tackle 'betrayal brain', the intrusive thoughts, and emotional flooding that often accompany betrayal. When the brain is in survival mode, neurological and psychological effects are out of the betrayed partner's control. They discuss tactics to regain control when the brain is hijacked. TAKEAWAYS: [1:26] When betrayal occurs, the architecture of the brain is reshaped. [4:
Supporting Your Partner Through Their Recovery Is Not Your Job
Dr. Rob and Tami tackle hard questions about sex and intimacy in the wake of betrayal. They cover the role of a spouse in supporting their partner 'for better and for worse", how to set boundaries that take care of you first, and addressing the trauma and intrusive thoughts that often come after disclosure. TAKEAWAYS: [:20] Where do personal responsibility and societal norms come into play? [7
Honor Your Boundaries So You Aren't Betraying Yourself
Therapist Erin Snow shares insights into addiction, betrayal, boundaries and healing. She underscores the impact of addiction in the workplace, the importance of setting boundaries after betrayal, the realities of weaponizing sex in a partnership, and why betrayed partners often pursue safety seeking behaviors during healing. TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] How addiction manifests in the workplace. [5:17] M
When the Betraying Partner is in Recovery Limbo with Debbie McRae
Therapist Debbie McRae discusses options for the betrayed partner when the betraying partner is stalling or not fully in recovery. She offers tactics for partners who are stuck in the cycle of fear and uncertainty and are ready to regain control in healthy ways while seeking safety after betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] Common recovery limbo scenarios and what each one means. [4:33] Recovery limbo
Should I Stay or Leave?
Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the importance of combining sex and drug addictions in treatment and recovery, the danger of staying stuck in the rage phase, and who you have control over in healing and recovery (it's you and only you!). TAKEAWAYS: [:55] Does 'vanilla' porn really affect our relationship? I don't believe it's hurting my partner. [5:53] What are the maj
How Can I Rebuild Trust?
Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the challenges of rebuilding trust in a betrayed relationship and the importance of focusing on what you can do as a betrayed partner instead of focusing on what your addict partner can't or shouldn't do. TAKEAWAYS: [1:40] My reluctant, betrayed spouse has been gone for a year. How can I approach them about my behavior? [6:43] I feel li
Defining and Meeting Needs and Wants
This week's conversation features The Shoeless Therapist Matt Wheeler. He answers questions about needs and wants, the role of sex in meeting relationship needs, and what partners can do to feel more securely attached to each other. TAKEAWAYS: [1:24] Is disclosure always necessary? [3:43] People in recovery often aren't aware of what their needs truly are. [6:42] What happens when we neglect
Recovery On the Spectrum
In this week's Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss answers participant questions about spectrum disorders, personality disorders, honest therapeutic disclosure, and the importance of involving qualified professionals in diagnosis and recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:08] What are the key differences between the compulsion of a sex addict and OCD? [6:08] The danger of self-diagnosing personality and mood
Attachment Theory and Addiction Recovery
In this webinar, CSAT therapist Jon Taylor offers a high-level overview of Attachment Theory, how it manifests as maturity in a relationship, and how it impacts sex addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. Jon and Tami then answer questions about attachment theory's role in creating strong relationships. TAKEAWAYS: [:55] The role of attachment theory in addiction recovery. [1:58] The history and
Dopamine Dysregulation in Sex/Porn Addiction
In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of sex and pornography, and how these addictions create dysregulation in the dopamine rewards system. Scott and Tami also answer participant questions about the difference between habits and addictions and timelines in recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] The dopamine system craves rewards and pleasure. [3:41] The danger of manipulating the
Building a Better Higher Power Relationship with Mark Anthony Lord
Mark Anthony Lord joins Tami to discuss the value of building a better Higher Power relationship, and why that can be a key to lasting recovery. He shares his personal addiction recovery experience, the joy he feels from being alive today, and how he was led to create the 12-Step Church. TAKEAWAYS: [1:32] Sex and drugs recovery was the impetus for Mark's spiritual path. [4:47] Learning how to
Handling Triggers and Fetishes with Erin Snow
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Erin Snow answers participant questions about fetishes and triggers – what they are, where they come from, and what they really mean about a person's sexuality and the likelihood of successful recovery. She also offers resources and actions betrayed partners can employ to empower themselves while they offer support to their addicted partner. TAKEAWAYS: [:56]
Why is Porn So Addictive?
In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of pornography, and why it's such a hard "drug" to quit. Scott and Tami then answer participant questions about porn addiction and recovery support for both the addict and the partner. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Porn, written porn, and 'not porn' – all from a porn addict's perspective. [2:47] What makes so appealing porn to addicts? [4:20]
Navigating the Pain Field
Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami discuss and answer questions about building confidence in recovery. They describe the coping strategies and layers of hurt that can be found on the pain field, and the four things that have to happen in order for a partner to successfully stay on the pain field in order to work toward recovery and healing. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on Feb
Identifying and Stopping the Gaslighting with Debbie McRae
Debbie McRae takes on a word that she hears daily in her practice – gaslighting. Why do sex and porn addicts gaslight, and what can their partners do about it? This webinar covers what exactly gaslighting is, what purpose it serves, what it might sound like, and what you can do about it. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Gaslighting is a term that Debbie McRae hears every single day in her practice. [1:21] Si
How Can I Prevent Relapse?
Dr. Rob and Tami discuss some of the most common questions about relapse, including triggers, timing, and mental health considerations. They also address questions about fairness in affairs, the role of grief in recovery and healing, and when it's time to stop worrying about your partner and start loving yourself. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My partner started dating after our divorce, and now we are back
Triggers for Addicts and Partners
Every recovering addict has to face their triggers at some point. Triggers that are handled in a healthy way don't result in regrettable behaviors, while unmanaged triggers can lead to additional pain and loss of trust. Seeking Integrity's Scott Brassart joins Tami for a conversation about the nature of triggers and the options that addicts have when dealing with them. This session was live via Se
Setting Internal Boundaries
Boundaries can be one of the hardest areas in recovery for both the addict and their partner. Addicts and their partners only have one thing in their control during recovery – themselves. Setting up both internal and external boundaries is key to a successful recovery journey. In this online webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses internal boundaries. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] Common boundary mistake
Am I Really Ready to Forgive?
Forgiveness is a long and winding process. Like grief, it takes many forms and cannot be rushed or demanded. Betrayed partners can choose to offer forgiveness on their own timelines. Dr. Rob and Tami explore the steps of forgiveness, the timeline of returning intimacy, and what it takes for an addict to truly hit rock bottom and start to make real change. TAKEAWAYS: [:28] What is a good indic
How and Why to Apologize with Jon Taylor
An apology is a starting point, a basic human relationship skill, and an essential component of healing. In this twice-monthly Rocking Relationships in Recovery webinar, host Jon Taylor, Utah Therapist (CSAT), discusses how and why to effectively apologize. TAKEAWAYS: [3:08] Executed well, an apology can be a powerful change for a person issuing the apology. [4:06] John shares the first big fi
Lying Will Not Help You Regain Trust
Dr. Rob and Tami break down the details of honesty – when, why and how you must tell the truth to begin reestablishing trust with your betrayed partner. Recovering addicts often take breaks in their recovery meetings and goals only to discover that they have taken serious steps backward as a result. Prioritizing the 12 Step program is essential to recovery and is also a sign that the addict is pri
I Want to Leave, But….
Dr. Tami is joined by Kristen Snowden, a licensed trauma therapist who works with addicts and their betrayed partners. Kristen shares questions for the betrayed to ask themselves when working through the process of deciding whether to stay or go. Shame, hurt and fear can accompany the choice to leave just as persistently as it can for someone who chooses to stay, and her questions can help the bet
How and When Can We Connect Intimately Again?
Dr. Rob and Tami consider the timeline many couples face when traveling the road of recovery – how and when does it make sense to connect intimately again? Too often the addicted partner is ready to move into the future without allowing appropriate time for healing from the pain and betrayal of the past. How can couples recover and reconcile together in healthy and healing ways? TAKEAWAYS: [0
How Do I Know When It's Time to Get Help?
Dr. Rob and Tami discuss the arousal template and the meaning behind escalation in addiction. Behaviors themselves are rarely as important as the reasons why the behavior is happening in the first place. What steps does an addict need to take to stop acting out in addictive and harmful ways? How can all involved parties get the support that they need when working through trauma, and where should
Is My Sex Addict's Empathy Actually Gaslighting?
Dr. Rob and Tami explore some questions from sex addicts and betrayed partners about trust, intimacy, gaslighting, and disclosure. Dr. Rob highlights the difference between addictive behaviors and sexual preferences, offers a realistic timeline for full disclosure and healing, and explains (again) that there is nothing a partner can do to force an addict to act out. Dr. Rob has written a number of
Is It My Fault He Cheated On Me?
Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of their community's questions about addiction, betrayal, and more. In this episode, Dr. Rob explains the difference between intimacy and sex, why certain types of men/addicts cheat, and why the partners' of addicts often self-blame; but it is completely not their fault. If you're looking for additional support, Seeking Integrity has a number of free resources for both
When Do I Need Help for My Addiction?
Dr. Rob and Tami share what a couple can expect when they sit down and talk with Dr. Rob in person or over Zoom when they are ready to address their infidelity and addiction issues. How do you know if a residential treatment is right for you? What do you do when your spouse still continues to lie to you after formal disclosure? All these questions answered, and more! TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] How long
I Just Love My Addict Spouse, But Yet They Always Hurt Me
Erin Snow, Clinical Director for Seeking Integrity, joins Tami on this episode to help talk about the importance of internal and regulation work, while also healing your hurt inner child. She speaks to betrayed spouses who are in love or have grief from loving their addict spouse, and more in today's episode. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] He claims to be sober, but he's doing nothing to be sober? [4:00] Me
FAQ for 12-Step Programs for Sex Addicts Answered in this Podcast!
Tami and Scott, the Director of Content Development at Seeking Integrity, answer some common questions people new to recovery might have. They cover everything from the difference in SA 12-step programs, what to look for, and what types of resources are available for SA-specific individuals and their betrayed spouses. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] Today's episode covers common questions around the 12-step
My Sex Addict Says It's All My Fault; Is This True?
Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions from sex addicts as well as betrayed spouses to help them through some of their biggest struggles this week. One question in particular stands out. A betrayed partner has been beaten down verbally by her sex addict. She has been internalizing messaging that his actions are her fault, along with her not being physically attractive or 'good enough'. Dr. Rob and Tami
I Am Married to an Addict and I Don't Want to Break Up My Family
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about a young mother of two who is struggling to deal with her acting out and abusive husband. She doesn't want to break up the family and she's scared for her future, but Dr. Rob and Tami offer a beacon of hope in what should be some of her next steps. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] After a betrayal, when does it make sense to have sexual intimacy again? [9:35] He's blaming me for his
He Betrayed Me And Yet Believes All The Flirting He Does Is Completely Innocent!
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how an addict might be skirting the boundaries with his betrayed wife. Is flirtation seen as an active addiction, especially when the addict does it when his wife's not around? The 1# thing addicts love is attention and/or admiration. So, they might be a little sneaky in how they get their fix. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] She says I ruined her life. Can I salvage this relationsh
He Feels So Uncomfortable In Recovery. Will It Get Better?
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about why someone might feel uncomfortable in recovery. A betrayed spouse was asked by her addict to join a couple's support group, but after all the positive praise she was getting, he told to stop going. Dr. Rob and Tami break down how couple's support groups can be a life-changing and positive experience for couples, but only if they embrace the not-so-comfortable parts of
I Have a Restraining Order. Is There Any Hope He'll Ever Stop Using?
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse in her 50s. She has been a stay-at-home mother for 23 years and is having a tough time reconciling the ending of the relationship with her violent addict. Is the relationship really over despite a temporary restraining order? Can this be salvaged? Dr. Rob and Tami weigh in their thoughts during this horrible time. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] How do
The Separate Journeys of Couples in Recovery
Dr. Rob and Tami answer listener questions about getting back together in sobriety, support for the betrayed wife, getting to know each other in recovery, taking your recovery seriously, and not asking forgiveness but making amends. Every lie resets the relationship to the beginning of betrayal. When is the right time for couples therapy? TAKEAWAYS: [:23] My SA husband's one-year sobriety date i
Am I Just Having Fun, or Is This a Full-Blown Addiction?
Dr. Rob and Tami break down the gray area between just having fun, being "at-risk" for an addiction, and being a full-blown addict. It can be difficult to define the line fully when you're in the middle of a "good time." Dr. Rob offers various considerations for you to think about to determine whether you're barely teetering the line or if you're in a bad and unsustainable place. TAKEAWAYS: [:35
My Wife Has a Pattern of Infidelity, but I Love Her
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed partner about his wife's recurring infidelity. What first begins as innocent text messages with a stranger quickly turn sexual for her. It's a pattern that has repeated over and over. As he is trying to save the relationship, he wonders if this is all due to her traumatic and awful past where she was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. Dr. Rob cl
She Cheated on Me! And Yet, I'm the One in Recovery?
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from an addict who has also been betrayed by his spouse. They have both hurt each other with their addictions/infidelities, however, it seems unfair that he's in treatment for his demons and she is running around scot-free. Dr. Rob and Tami explain how you can move forward and focus on your own recovery despite experiencing a betrayal from your partner. TAKEAWA
Why Should I Write Down All My Anger and Hurt?
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about the healing properties a journal practice can have. A listener wrote that her therapist wants her to journal out the resentment and anger that her SA has caused her, but the mere thought of doing this gets her re-triggered and angry all over again. Is there really a point to all of this aside from re-remembering the betrayal? TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My SA husband's entire f
Can Harm Reduction Be Considered Sober?
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether it makes sense for an addict to be put on a harm reduction treatment for sex addiction. A listener writes in wondering if he should completely stop or if reducing the impact and damage through harm reduction is a good starting point. Dr. Rob sets the record straight on what he thinks about harm reduction and honesty. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My partner admitted he's a
I Really Want to Change but My Empathy is Broken
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a listener who is struggling to be a more empathetic person to their partner. Despite his best efforts, he can't seem to be present and emotionally available for her. Is this because he has ADHD? Is he just broken? How can he fix this? Dr. Rob and Tami offer a more detailed insight into what might actually be going on. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] How do I build trust
He Is Super Jealous Despite Being the One Who Cheated on Me!
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what to do when your addict is incredibly jealous when you have friends of the opposite sex. It seems very hypocritical when they're the ones who caused harm and cheated in the first place. Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how to set healthy boundaries with someone who is out-of-their-mind jealous. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] How do I believe my addict is being honest without a polyg
The 12-Steps Just Don't Work For Me. I Just Don't Fit In
Dr. Rob and Tami discuss what an addict can do if the 12-step program just isn't for them. Should they stop going? Should they keep white-knuckling it? Tami offers resources for those who feel very out of place at these particular meetings. When it comes to recovery, getting the help you need and doing so correctly is the most important step in the process. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I noticed my SA and o
What Are the Triggers of a Midlife Addiction?
Dr. Rob and Tami discuss why someone would "suddenly" become an addict in their mid-40s. Sometimes, there were no inklings that this person was even an addict in the first place, but how true is that? Dr. Rob breaks down why someone might become an addict out of the blue in this week's episode. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] My husband has nocturnal emissions. Is this normal or is he just lying? [8:05] My hus
Am I Ready to Date Again as a Sex Addict?
Dr. Rob and Tami dive into when it makes sense for someone to date again after being sober and in recovery from sex, love, or porn addiction. This can be tricky for some professionals to determine, but Dr. Rob and Tami walk through some of the questions you need to ask yourself before you take that next step in the relationship. Remember, the goal isn't to have sex in the dating process, it's to g
He Blames Me for All of His Affairs. What?!
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse whose sex addict husband isn't doing the work. He says that he won't act out anymore because she's "fixed" after all the therapy she's doing. What kind of logic is this? Dr. Rob calls out this deflection behavior and wants every betrayed spouse to remember three important and critical things about themselves. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] My husband s
My 9-Year-Old Daughter Found Out About His Affairs and Now She's Self-Harming
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a distraught mother who has no idea how to work through her daughter's feelings and emotions about her father's sexual betrayal. Despite the young daughter going to a therapist, the mother is receiving news from him that she should be 100% honest with her daughter about what's happening in the household. Dr. Rob weighs in on how this isn't healthy or good ad
No! You Ruined My Life and I Hate You!
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how a betrayed spouse can work towards forgiving their partner who is suffering from sex addiction or other related issues. Many addicts fail to understand why it takes their spouse so long to recover from their betrayal. Dr. Rob explains from a betrayed spouse's point of view how, and when, to move forward. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] What's the difference between chronic cheat
I'm Sober But I Still Get Turned On by My Own Body
Dr. Rob and Tami discuss whether a listener is truly living a sober life. The listener asked if it's okay to masturbate to pictures of their own body now that they're sober from porn. Dr. Rob weighs in on his interesting thoughts on the matter. Dr. Rob also answers questions about when is a good time to initiate intimacy with a SA, and much more. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My addict is doing "borderline"
She Hates My Past. How Can I Support Her?
Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice from a husband who has betrayed his spouse. Although he's been sober for 22 months now, his wife still feels so hurt by his past actions. He automatically wants to be on the defensive when she's upset, but can't. What are some of the best ways he can comfort his wife? Dr. Rob and Tami share different approaches to help this couple move forward and toward healing. TA
I'm Not Ready to Tell My Spouse I'm an Addict
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is "white knuckling" their recovery. They're not leveraging their resources to the fullest because their recovery and journey to sobriety are still in secret. Dr. Rob and Tami explain why this isn't considered a healthy path to long-term recovery, despite being sober. TAKEAWAYS: [:50] I really feel like his recovery journey is too good to be tr
My Husband Publicly Exposes Himself for Fun
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about sex offenders in this week's episode and how to work with someone who exposes themselves to people non-consensually. The listener admits that her husband has been exposing himself in public parks for a number of years and is concerned that there is no hope for this person in recovery. Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you begin to work a recovery program as a sex offender
Why Is My Addict Such a Liar?!
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about compulsive liars in this week's episode and the reasoning behind someone who can't seem to tell the truth. If you are a betrayed spouse to someone who regularly lies and deceives, it can be hard to understand why lying can be the go-to safety mechanism for protection. Dr. Rob explains further in this episode why some addicts just can't stop lying. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Why
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