A Codependent Mind
An intimate, honest look at how codependency develops and how it can be overcome. Brian and Stephanie share their personal experiences and relationship, lifting the veil on how codependent behaviors can cause lifelong pain if left unaddressed. The podcast explores the connection between codependency and trauma, covering topics like trauma bonding, narcissism, shame, and the impact of childhood interpersonal trauma. In later seasons, they outline the healing process and how Brian recognized and recovered from abuse, ultimately building healthier relationships.
Episodes
S1 - #1 Codependency - Origins
What is codependency? And from where do codependent behaviors emerge? Every 'codependent' has an origin story. This is Brian's.
The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Our new book is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook format! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and
S1 - #2 Codependency and Trauma
Often codependence behaviors emerge as a response to trauma. What is trauma? How is it different then other stressful, even violent, events? What is it like to live with unhealed trauma? This is Brian's story.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode:
00:00:55 What is
S1 - #3 Codependency and Trauma Bonding
In this episode, Stephanie and Brian discuss the concept of trauma bonding within codependent relationships, particularly focusing on two of Brian's past romantic relationships characterized by abuse and narcissistic behavior. They highlight the two key ingredients necessary for trauma bonding: a power imbalance and intermittent abuse.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paper
S1 - #4 Codependency and Narcissism
Narcissists are an especially dangerous and toxic pairing for people with codependent behaviors, due to the way each person’s maladaptive behaviors work together. In this episode we discuss the general characteristics of narcissism and then detail Brian's two, back-to-back, romantic relationships with abusive narcissists.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobo
S1 - #5 Codependency and Lack of Agency
What is involved in the concept of 'personal agency'? How is agency or its lack connected to codependent behaviors? We explore Brian's experience with those questions in mind.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode:
00:02:44 Personal agency defined
00:04:51 How it dev
S1 - #6 Codependency and Shame
Shame evolved to give us information about the world. But trauma induced shame can be overwhelming and crippling, even life-threatening. Understanding the role shame played in his life and fueled his codependent behaviors, was key to Brian's healing process.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/
S1 - #7 Codependency and Emotional Immaturity
The process of learning what emotions are and how manage them was interrupted for Brian at a very early age by abuse and trauma. Because of that, he never really learned how to identify his emotions or what to do with them. This amounted to emotional immaturity and made it difficult for him to form healthy, intimate relationships and left him vulnerable to further abuse and trauma.
Get even more
S2 - #1 Healing Codependency - Getting Started
FREE for a limited time - get the eBook on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
This season explores how Brian worked to 're-make' his codependent mind. In this episode we discuss the challenges that Brian faced in getting started on that process and what was needed for him to begin to heal both the trauma and the codependency.
00:01:55 Background on Brian and Stephanie
00:04:11 The need
S2-#2 Healing Codependency - Emotional Development
In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode we discuss the steps that Brian took to repair the damage done to his emotional system by abuse and trauma. From capacity building through understanding and now working on mastery, Brian has been able to tame t
S2 - #3 Healing Codependency - Re-Writing Stories
Stories are powerful tools to help us understand ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately for Brian, many of the stories he adopted or told did just the opposite - served to further cloud and obfuscate what was happening in his internal and external life. In this episode we discuss how he uncovered the true stories of who he was and what had happened to him.
Get even more guidance in healing from c
S2 - #4 Healing from Codependency - Breaking the Powerlessness Habit
Even after largely healing from the trauma that started Brian down the path of codependency, he was still left with the behaviors that formed in response to that trauma. So although the source of the codependency had been removed, the symptoms, the habituated behaviors, lingered and kept showing up in his relationships in the form of a default sense of powerlessness. In this episode, we discuss wh
S2 - #5 Healing Codependency - Loving a Codependent Mind
In this episode, we flip the script and Stephanie discusses her experiences loving, and trying to form a relationship with, someone who engages in codependent behaviors.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
00:03:03 Stephanie's past
00:04:35 Jekyll and Hyde
00:08:39 Inauthentic ca
S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries
There is a lot of talk about personal boundaries these days - having them, respecting them, enforcing them. But what exactly are personal boundaries? Brian and Stephanie do a deep dive into the concept of boundaries.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
00:04:53 Back to the boundar
S3 - #2 Beyond Codependency - Diagnosis
Codependency is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. What does that mean and does it matter? And what is a diagnosis anyway? How can it help or hurt the healing process?
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Find us at: https:
S3 - #3 Beyond Codependency - People Pleasing
People pleasing sounds good. Why wouldn't we want the people in our life to be pleased? In this episode we explore the connect between people pleasing and codependency and discuss the problems people pleasing can create if it becomes a habitual response to others.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon
S3 - #4 Beyond Codependency - Relationships
In this episode, we talk about the different kinds of relationships Brian has had in his life - with abusive people, with other 'codependent's, and with 'healthy' people. Stephanie and Brian discuss how they connected even though Brian was still struggling with codependent behaviors, some of the challenges they faced and how they worked through them.
Get even more guidance in healing from codepen
S3 - #5 Beyond Codependency - Family of Origin
In this episode we take the opportunity to talk more about Brian's 'family of origin' and how it had more of an effect on the development of his codependent behaviors than either of us realized. Brian discusses his father's anger issues, his mother's emotional immaturity, and the impact these had on his childhood and later relationships. He also expresses a newfound understanding and empathy for h
S3 - #6 Beyond Codependency - Shame Venting
If shame is not resolved, it can just build up and up until the pressure of trying to suppress it gets to be too much. Then what do you do with it? One way Brian attempted to relieve the pressure from his pent up shame was 'shame-venting' or over-sharing. We discuss how shame-venting works as well as other, unsuccessful ways that Brian attempted to manage his unresolved shame.
Get even more guid
S3 - #7 Beyond Codependency - The Serenity Prayer
The Serenity Prayer is often said at 12-step meetings like Alcoholic Anonymous and even Codependent Anonymous. But it can challenging to enact, especially if you were caught in codependency's web as Brian was. Now that he has recognized and recovered from a lot of his codependent habits, he has a new understanding of and appreciation for it.
Serenity Prayer - God, grant me the serenity to accept
S3 - #8 Beyond Codependency - Listener Questions
In this episode, we answer listener questions.
00:00:52 Question 1
00:14:04 Question 2
00:22:43 Question 3
1. Was there ever a time you felt like the investment in helping Brian break through his trauma was too much for you or not healthy for you?
2. How do you take the power back from the other side of a trigger? How do you stand against those negative feelings?
3. What kind of resource did you
S3 - #9 Beyond Codependency - Caretaking
One-sided caretaking is a hallmark of a codependent relationship. But caretaking is a natural human instinct. How do you know if the caretaking you are doing is healthy and appropriate or if it is a codependent habit?
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
00:01:13 Healthy Versions o
S3 - #10 Beyond Codependency - Codependency Revisited
In this episode we revisit the idea and definition of codependency that we laid out in the very first episode. In doing this podcast, talking with each other and interacting with listeners, we have learned even more about what makes up this web of codependency and have come to understand it as a spectrum of habitual behaviors that can be mild or severe. Most importantly, we have learned that these
S3 - #11 Beyond Codependency - Anger and Resentment
Along with shame and fear, anger and resentment are two challenging emotions for people with codependent habits to deal with. That was certainly the case for Brian. In this episode we explore the differences between anger and resentment, where they come from, how Brian dealt with them in the past and what his approach is now.
In this episode:
00:01:39 Anger as a 'bad' emotion'
00:02:30 Aristotle
S3 - #12 Beyond Codependency - 12 Steps
In "The Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 steps are suggested as a program of recovery. Those 12 steps have been adopted, with minimal changes, by Co-dependents Anonymous. Brian did not find the CoDA or the AA steps helpful in his efforts to understand and change his codependent behaviors, but the act of writing out his own 12 steps was a helpful exercise.
In this episode we discuss 12 step pr
S3 - #13 Beyond Codependency - 12 Steps, part 2
This episode is a continuation of the previous episode, S3 - #12 Beyond Codependency - 12 Steps. We discuss steps six through 12. Below are all 12 steps, plus reference to previous episodes that expand on the ideas and actions described by each individual step.
1. I admitted that I was powerful, that my life could be manageable.
S1 - #5 Codependency and Lack of Agency
S3 - #10 Beyond Codependency
Trailer
Rooting out codependency involves going back to the source, to where the codependent habits and behaviors first formed. This is a clip from Season 3, episode 5 where Brian discusses the effect his dad's anger had on him as a child.
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
S4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy
In this season, we investigate core concepts about relationships and the ways in which codependent behaviors can make it difficult to form and sustain loving, intimate relationships. Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 7. It is available now on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com
S4 - #2 Codependency and Relationships: Dependency, Codependency and Interdependency
Unlike Codependency, Dependency Personality Disorder is listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual as a recognized personality disorder. Both Dependency and Codependency, however, share many maladaptive behaviors and can be rooted in negative childhood experience. In this episode, we discuss the many negative ways dependency, including narcissistic dependency, can show up in relationships and exp
S4 - #3 Codependency and Relationships: Emotional Regulation
Learning how to regulate your emotions is a critical to be able to go on to develop healthy, stable relationships. Unfortunately, that learning is interrupted and/or distorted for many people; it was for Brian. We discuss how what emotional regulation (or, more accurately, emotional dysregulation) looked like in Brian's family and how that fed in to the codependent relationships he formed througho
S4 -#4 Codependency and Relationships: Trust
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Trust has been a major issue in our relationship. Brian's codependent habits, which included people pleasing and reflexive lying, made it difficult to for him to trust himself and consequently, difficult for Stephanie to place her trust in him and in the relat
S4 - #5 Codependency and Relationships - Anniversary Episode
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
This episode we celebrate one year of doing the podcast! It has been a tremendous learning experience for both of us, we have each learned a lot about ourselves and it has strengthened and deepened our connection to each other. We have also learned so much fro
S4 -#6 Codependency and Relationships: Vulnerability
Vulnerability, a key ingredient for emotionally intimate relationships, can be difficult for people struggling with codependency. Brian developed codependent behaviors in order to try to protect himself from emotional harm, so deliberately being vulnerable with another person felt very scary and almost unnatural. In this episode we discuss the role of vulnerability in intimacy and the challenges w
S4 - #7 Codependency and Relationships - Sex (part 1)
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
One subject that we have not discussed with much depth is sex, even though it is an important component of human relationships and it played a central role in Brian's struggle with shame and fear of intimacy. In this episode, we put sex front and center, talk
S4 - #8 Codependency and Relationships - Sex (part 2) - Sexual Trauma
In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that the trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2 and part 3). This episode covers the sexual trauma Brian experienced in his relationship with R.
In this episode:
00:00:37 Sexual Traum
S4 - #9 Codependency and Relationships - Sex (part 3) - Sexual Trauma
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2
S4 - #10 Codependency and Relationships - Sex (part 4) - Sexual Healing
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode, the final one in our 'mini-series' about sex and codependency, we discuss Brian's past experiences of sexual trauma and how they had led to codependent behaviors in his relationships.
We highlight three key elements that contributed to his cur
S5 - #1 Codependency and Relationships - Jason
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
As a preview of Season 5, when we will be introducing more voices into the conversation, we have a guest on this episode. Jason reflects on his struggles with codependent behaviors and the origins of these behaviors in their family of origin. He discusses expe
S4 - #12 Codependency and Relationships - Gender
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode we discuss the intersection of gender with codependency. We explore how gender roles and expectations can be sources of trauma, leading individuals to internalize shame and feel pressure to conform. Gendered expectations can also reinforce code
S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode, we expand on the discussion of interdependence, that we started in episode 2 or Season 4 ”Dependency, Codependency and Interdependence”. We use the lens of ”You, Me, Us” to explore what we owe ourselves in relationships, what we owe the other
S5 - #2 Codependency Voices - Carly on authenticity
In this episode, we have a candid and open conversation Carly about her personal journey of overcoming codependency, people-pleasing, and addiction. She shares with us her childhood experiences growing up in a chaotic household with drug addiction and mental illness including turning to drugs and sex at a young age as a way to find acceptance, love and escape from emotional turmoil.
S5 - #3 Codependency Voices - Brinn on addiction and attachment styles
In this episode, we hear from Brinn about her journey of self-discovery, including her exploration of codependency patterns, her family's dynamics, and her own relationships
Brinn talks about her family roles, her father's history as an adult child of an alcoholic, her sister's addiction struggles, and the impact these had on her. She shares her experience of repeatedly falling into similar relati
S5 - #4 Codependency Voices - Taylor on self-(re)discovery
In this episode, we talk with Taylor about the roots of the codependent behaviors, their challenges in breaking free from those behaviors and finding a sense of identity, the lessons they have garnered and the insight they have achieved. Taylor shares their experiences with a chaotic upbringing, influenced by their mother's alcoholism, and discusses the challenges faced during childhood, such as d
S5-#5 Codependency Voices - Narcissism and Codependency
In this episode we ‘hear’ from narcissists as Brian shares his hardwon insight into narcissistic behaviors coming from decades of friendships and relationships with narcissistic people. Building on conversations from previous episodes, we discuss the ways in which codependent behaviors and narcissistic behaviors overlap before reviewing the ways in which they form a toxic complementarity. And if y
S5-#6 Codependency Voices: Bea on Isolation
In this episode, we talk with Stephanie's friend Bea, who has struggled with codependent behaviors her whole life. Her last relationship ended when she realized that it was not a relationship in which she felt seen or safe - her role in the relationship was to be the person her partner needed and wanted her to be and left no room for her authentic self. Since leaving that relationship, she has bee
S5-#7 Codependency Voices: Chris on Happy Endings
Chris shares with us his story of codependency recovery. From a lonely, difficult childhood, through two marriages to disordered partners, through isolation, depression and despair, Chris found his way out of codependency and in to a loving, transformational relationship. His story, like as our other guests, offers both inspiration and hope.
Mentioned in this episode:
Podcast: Not I - Not Isolat
S5-#8 Codependency Voices: Rebecca on Self-Discovery
The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode, Brian and Stephanie talk with Rebecca about the emotional complexities of self-discovery and growth within the context of codependency. We discuss Rebecca's relationships, her struggle with being vulnerability, and the challenge of
S5 - #9 Codependency Voices: Nicole on the Helping/Healing Professions
Learn more about Nicole's coaching practice, Meaning in Medicine, here: https://www.meaninginmed.com/about
The Enneagram Test - free test. Be sure to select the "Classical Test." Read about your results through the Enneagram Institute here.
In this episode we explore the phenomenon of codependency within professional environments, particularly the healthcare field, with our special guest, Dr.
S5 - #10 Codependency Voices: Pets
We have described codependency as an interpersonal relationship dynamic, but in doing so, we may have inadvertently left out a whole category of relationships in which codependency can manifest - relationships with our pets. In this episode, we discuss the pets that Brian has had (dogs and cats) and the ways in which his codependent behavior habits showed up in those relationships. We also reflect
S5 - #11 Codependency Voices: Money Talks
Money talks, as they say, and in this episode we hear about the financial dimensions of Brian's codependency. For most of his life, money was not a tool for Brian to express his values and achieve his life goals; instead, it was fuel for his codependent habits - people pleasing, caretaking, lack of boundaries. His financial codependency, not surprisingly, did not lead to financial health; it lead
S6 - #1 Chapter One: Codependent Beginnings
This episode, Brian reads Chapter One from the book, The Making and the Re-Making of a Codependent Mind.
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Buy now in paperback or eBook form: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1/
S6 - The Book: Final Thoughts
Brian and Stephanie discuss what they learned in writing the book including the role of Brian's mother, the similarities between narcissism and codependency, the power of re-writing stories and the intrangency of the codependent habits.
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spo
S7 - Relationship Tool #1: Lean Start Methodology
In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 4. It is available now on Amazon: https://www
S7 - Relationship Tool #2: Empathy
Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships.
S7 - Relationship Tool #3: The Work
Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in
S7 - Relationship Tool #4: Curiosity
Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassocia
S7 - Relationship Tool #5: Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness
In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to too
S7 - Relationship Toolkit #6: Detective Work
Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?"
00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent?
00:04:49 Inner Lawyers
00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work
00:12:00 A Case Study
00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency
00:29:06 Case Study #2
Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our bo
S7 - Relationship Toolkit #7: Truth
If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively.
Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.
Get your Paperback or
S7 - Relationship Toolkit #8: Self Knowledge
In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions.
00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure
00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge
00:09:32 Consequences and shame
00:12:11 Shame relief
00:15:05 The codependency framework
00:20:15 Asking questions
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.c
S7 - Relationship Toolkit #9: Boundaries
Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from
S7 - Relationship Toolkit #10: Money
As discussed in a previous episode, Brian used money to fuel his codependent habits. Healing from codependency also involved developing a new understanding of the role money plays in his life and his relationship. In this episode, we discuss what kind of tool money is and what challenges and opportunities it presents.
In this episode:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Wikipedia)
00:01:01 Financial Cod
S7 - Relationship Toolkit # 11: Gratitude
Be grateful! We are told that at various points on our lives as was to cure numerous ails in our lives and in the world. In this episode, we talk about what gratitude can and cannot to for your relationships.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.
S7 - Relationship Tool #12: Apology
Can you tell the difference between a genuine apology and apology theater? In this episode, we discuss to tool of apology - how narcissists use it, how Brian used it codependently and how to use it authentically to make long lasting repairs to relationships.
00:02:30 Apology Theater
00:03:20 Narcissistic Apologizing
00:07:19 DARVO
00:13:09 Codependent Apologizing
00:19:12 Authentic Apologizing
00
S7 - Relationship Toolkit #13: Conflict
Brian spent most of his life being 'conflict avoidant' at least that is how he understood it. Really the powerlessness and shame that underlied his codependency meant that any interpersonal conflict felt existentially threatening. In this episode we discuss how to approach conflict differently such that it functions as a tool for learning and connection rather than destruction.
You can reach us at
S7 - Relationship Tool #14: Attention
In this episode we discuss the relationship tool of attention. Paying attention can be difficult for people with relationship trauma and codependent habits. It was certainly challenging for Brian. Healing codependency has involved re-learning how to use the tool of attention, directing its use to building strong connections with people we care about who care about us.
00:01:22 Feeling close - m
S7 - Relationship Tool #15: Communication
Communication is vital to any relationship, but for those of us with relational trauma, it can be difficult to figure out what that means. If we aren't getting yelled at or insulted, it feels like good communication. Bad communication is when someone is disappointed or upset with us. Join us as we talk through Brian's new understanding of the role communication has played and can play in his relat
S7 - Relationship Tool #16: Sex
In Season 4, we had a four part series on codependency, trauma and sex. In this episode we focus on the role sex can play in a relationship For Brian, shifting from a performance mindset to a connection mindset made all the difference.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchase
S7 - Relationship Tool #17: Entitlement
We have talked about entitlement quite a bit. Mostly about how Brian's narcissistic partners have used their feelings of entitlement as fuel to abuse and mistreat him and other people. In this episode we explore how the feelings of entitlement can be used productively to strengthen a relationship rather than degrade it.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook
S7 - Relationship Tool #18: Jealousy
In this episode, we take on the complex emotion of jealousy, exploring its potential as a constructive tool within relationships. As we have discussed in previous episodes emotions, including jealousy, are neither good nor bad but rather signals offering valuable insight. Learning how to use jealousy as a tool involves being able to interpret and apply the information that jealousy offers.
00:00:
S7 - Relationship Tool #19: Relationship Boundaries
In this episode, we building on the Boundaries episode and talk more about Relationship Boundaries in particular. How can you use relationship boundaries do develop a greater sense of partnership? How do we find a balance between protecting the relationship from outside threats and having expansive enough boundaries that the relationship can continue to grow and thrive?
00:02:19 Relationship statu
S7 - Relationship Tool #20: Being Present
For most of his life, Brian believed that his primary challenge in relationships was mastering the tool of "being present." He thought that if he could just fully grasp this skill, everything in his life and relationships would significantly improve. However, regular listeners to this podcast will recognize that this belief was far from accurate. We discuss how he understood the tool of being pres
S7: Relationship Tool #21: Love Languages
The 5 Love Languages claims to be a "simple and effective" tool for strengthening your connections. We explore that claim.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip.
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
S7 - Relationship Tool #22: Caretaking
Our new book is available in eBook format: ! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT
In this episode, we revisit the topic of caretaking and how it can be a tool for strengthening the sense of partnership within a relationship.
Thank you for followin
S8 - Chapter 1: A New Kind of Relationship
The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/
The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/
It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold.
Me, You & Us
Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, L
S8 - Chapter 14: Gratitude
The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/
The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/
It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold.
We end the book, and this season, with a discussion of gratitude. This chapter and the first chapter of the book will remain available
S9 - Appendices 1: Shame
Brian and Stephanie come back for an ad hoc season and start with another discussion of shame. This time they tackle the question of what kind of relationship work shame can do and how it can cause relationship dysfunction (and how it has in their relationship). Brian goes in to more detail about the ways in which shame continues to impact him and how it moves through it when it does.
https://www
S9 - Appendices 2: Behavior Check-In
Brian recently read through both our books and did some self-analysis on where he is at on his 'growth journey.' In this episode we discuss some of his findings. If you interested in reading the notes he took while reading, sign up for our newsletter on our website.
https://www.codependentmind.com/
S9 - Appendices 3: Boundaries in Action:
Set boundaries! Respect yourself! Easier said than done. In this episode we discuss our own recent struggle to maintain our boundaries/self-respect while also trying to maintain a friendship. We discuss recognizing guilt, shame, and resentment, setting limits, and choosing to stay or leave when negotiation fails.
https://www.codependentmind.com/
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S9 - Appendices 4: Authenticity
We are back with another appendices, this one on the topic of authenticity. We've had a couple of posts go viral on Facebook and Instagram that we are connected to this idea of living an authentic life. The reaction to those posts suggests that are a lot of people are struggling to be their authentic selves and that has been and continues to a significant source of distress and disconnection for t
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